History of Experimentation on Human Guinea Pigs

Thanks to Fred Burks of PEERS and WantToKnow.info for this history:

1932 to 1972 – In the infamous Tuskegee syphilis study, 200 black men diagnosed with syphilis are never told of their illness, are denied treatment. They are used as human guinea pigs in order to follow the progression and symptoms of the disease. They all subsequently die from syphilis, their families never told that they could have been treated. The study continues for four decades. (MSNBC, Time Magazine, Wikipedia)

1939 – At an orphanage in Iowa, 22 children are the subjects of the so-called “monster” experiment, which attempts to use psychological abuse to induce children who spoke normally to stutter. The experiment is designed by Dr. Wendell Johnson, one of the nation’s most prominent speech pathologists, for the purpose of testing one of his theories on the cause of stuttering. (CBS News, San Jose Mercury News, Wikipedia)

1940 – In Chicago, 400 prisoners are infected with malaria in order to study the effects of new and experimental drugs to combat the disease. Nazi doctors later on trial at Nuremberg cite this American study to defend their own actions during the Holocaust. (Life Magazine, Life 2nd photo, Wikipedia, medlibrary.org)

1940 to 1979 – The U.K. Ministry of Defence conducts open air tests using disease-producing bacteria and viruses. Many involved releasing potentially dangerous chemicals and micro-organisms over vast swaths of the population without the public being told. (BBC News, Guardian)

1943 – In response to Japan’s full-scale germ warfare program, the U.S. begins research on biological weapons at Fort Detrick, MD. (NPR, Wikipedia)

1944 – The U.S. Navy uses human subjects to test gas masks and protective clothing. Individuals are locked in a gas chamber and exposed to poisonous mustard gas and lewisite. By the time the war is over, more than 60,0000 U.S. servicemen have been used as human subjects in chemical defense research programs. They are told that they should never reveal the nature of the experiments. (Telegraph, Institute of Medicine)

1945 – Project Paperclip is initiated. In this top secret program, the U.S. State Department, Army intelligence, and the CIA recruit Nazi scientists and offer them immunity and secret identities in exchange for work on secret projects in the US. (BBC News, New York Times, MSNBC/AP)

1945 – “Program F” is implemented by the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission. This is the most extensive U.S. study of the health effects of fluoride, which was a critical chemical component in atomic bomb production. The use of fluoride in drinking water, it is found, causes adverse effects to the central nervous system. But much of the information is squelched in the name of “national security” because of fear that lawsuits would undermine full-scale production of atomic bombs. (Project Censored, BBC producer, Fluoride Action Network)

1946 to 1953 – In an experiment sponsored by the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission and the Quaker Oats corporation at the Walter E. Fernald State School in Massachusetts, 73 mentally disabled children are fed oatmeal containing radioactive calcium and other radioisotopes, in order to track “how nutrients were digested.” The children are not told that they are being fed radioactive chemicals and are instead told that they are joining a “science club.” (CBS News)

1950 – In an experiment to determine how susceptible an American city would be to biological attack, the U.S. Navy sprays a cloud of bacteria from ships over San Francisco. Monitoring devices are situated throughout the city in order to test the extent of infection. Many residents become ill with pneumonia-like San Francisco Chronicle, Wall Street Journal – full text)

1950 – The CIA conducts aerosol tests using LSD in the subway system of New York City. That this indeed happened is not questioned, yet all related documents about the test and its effects on subway riders appear to have been destroyed. (New York Post)

1950s – In Project GABRIEL and Project SUNSHINE, researchers in the U.S. and the U.K. attempt to determine how much nuclear fallout would be required to make the Earth uninhabitable. Examination of human bodies could reveal how readily fallout from already exploded bombs was taken up and hence how much damage it caused. Researchers secretly collect human bodies and bones from all over the world without permission, with a particular focus on infants. (Guardian, Deseret News, Wikipedia)

1950s to 1960s – The CIA and British military study LSD as a potential weapon for use by intelligence services. Human subjects (both civilian and military) are used with and without their knowledge. At least one subject dies as a result. (New York Times, Time Magazine, Guardian, US Dept. of Energy)

1951 – The French town of Pont-Saint-Esprit likely has bread spiked with LSD by the CIA as part of a mind control experiment which leaves five people dead, many seriously ill. (BBC News, Telegraph)

1953 – CIA initiates Project MKULTRA. This is an eleven year research program designed to produce and test drugs and biological agents that will be used for mind control and behavior modification. Six of the subprojects involve testing the agents on unwitting human beings. (Washington Post, New York Times, Wikipedia)

1953 to 1970s – The CIA and Department of Defense implement Project MKNAOMI, designed to maintain, stockpile and test biological and chemical weapons. It establishes a robust arsenal within the CIA’s Technical Services Division (TSD) consisting of various lethal and incapacitating materials. (Time Magazine, Wikipedia)

1960 to 1971 – Dr. Eugene Saenger, funded by the Defense Atomic Support Agency, performs whole body radiation experiments on more than 90 poor, black Americans. He forges consent forms, and does not tell them what he is doing (they think they are receiving medical care). He exposes their chests to the equivalent of about 7,500 x-rays, which cause intense pain, vomiting, and bleeding from their nose and ears. At least eight, and as many as 20 of the subjects die as a result. (Los Angeles Times, New York Times)

1963 – The CIA Inspector General completes a report on the MKULTRA program stating, “A final phase of testing of MKULTRA products places the rights and interests of U.S. citizens in jeopardy. Public disclosure of some aspects of MKULTRA activity could induce serious adverse reaction in U.S. public opinion.” Only one copy of the report is made due to its “unusual sensitivity.” (Declassified CIA document #17748)

1963 – Researchers inject prisoners and terminally ill patients with live cancer cells to test their immune responses. They are told only that it is a “skin test.” (Time Magazine)

1965 – The CIA and Department of Defense begin Project MKSEARCH, a program to develop a capability to manipulate human behavior through the use of mind-altering drugs. (US Dept. of Defense, Wikipedia)

1966 – The U.S. Army dispenses Bacillus subtilis variant Niger throughout the New York City subway system. Many thousands of civilians are exposed when army scientists drop lightbulbs filled with the bacteria onto ventilation grates. (Wall Street Journal – full text, New York Post)

1970 – The United States intensifies its development of “ethnic weapons” (Military Review, Nov., 1970), designed to selectively target and eliminate specific ethnic groups who are susceptible due to genetic differences and variations in DNA. (Project Censored, Telegraph)

1973 – The last of more than 2,000 volunteers, nicknamed the “white coats,” pass through Fort Detrick, where they have offered up their bodies for science since 1954. The volunteers are conscientious objectors who agree to be infected with debilitating pathogens. Many are Seventh Day Adventists who choose to become human guinea pigs rather than serve on active duty. (BBC News, PBS, Wikipedia)

1977 – Senate hearings on Health and Scientific Research confirm that 239 populated areas had been contaminated with biological agents between 1949 and 1969. Some of the areas included San Francisco, Washington, D.C., Key West, Panama City, Minneapolis, and St. Louis. (Wall Street Journal – full text)

1978 – Experimental Hepatitis B vaccine trials, conducted by the CDC, begin in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Advertisements for research subjects specifically ask for promiscuous homosexual men. (Medical Knowledge Base) (See 1981 below.)

1980 – The U.S. Department of Defense completes 35 years of detonating nuclear weapons at various sites around the world, sometimes monitoring downwind residents for medical problems and mortality rates. A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention/National Cancer Institute study claims that nuclear fallout from these radiation tests may have caused approximately 11,000 deaths. (CDC Study, Wikipedia)

1981 – The first cases of AIDS are confirmed in homosexual men in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco, triggering speculation that AIDS may have been introduced via the Hepatitis B vaccine trials started in 1978 in these same cities. (Medical Knowledge Base, Journal of Medical Hypotheses – full text)

1985 to 1986 – According to the journal Science, HTLV and VISNA, a fatal sheep virus, are very similar, indicating a close taxonomic relationship. The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences states HIV and VISNA are highly similar and share all structural elements, except for a small segment which is nearly identical to HTLV. This leads to speculation that HTLV and VISNA may have been linked to produce a new retrovirus to which no natural immunity exists. (Science, National Academy of Sciences)

1986 – A report to Congress reveals that the U.S. Government’s current generation of biological agents includes: modified viruses, naturally occurring toxins, and agents that are altered through genetic engineering to change immunological character and prevent treatment by all existing vaccines. (Citation needed)

1987 – The U.S. Department of Defense admits that, despite a treaty banning research and development of biological agents, it continues to conduct such research at 127 facilities and universities around the nation. (Science Magazine, New Internationalist)

1990 – More than 1,500 six-month old African-American and Hispanic babies in Los Angeles are given an experimental measles vaccine that has never been licensed for use in the United States. The CDC later admits that parents were never informed that the vaccine being injected to their children was experimental. (Los Angeles Times, New Scientist)

1994 – U.S. Senator John D. Rockefeller issues a report revealing that for at least 50 years the Department of Defense has used hundreds of thousands of military personnel in human experiments and for intentional exposure to dangerous substances. Materials included mustard and nerve gas, ionizing radiation, psychochemicals, hallucinogens, and drugs used during the Gulf War. (Rockefeller Report)

1994 to 1995 – Dr. Garth Nicolson at the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX discovers that many returning Desert Storm veterans are infected with an altered strain of Mycoplasma incognitus, a microbe commonly used in the production of biological weapons. He then uncovers evidence that biological agents used during the Gulf War were manufactured in Houston, TX and Boca Raton, Fl and tested on prisoners in the Texas Department of Corrections. (Journal of the American Medical Association JAMA changed link – original here, Capt. Joyce Riley, USAF)

1995 – The U.S. Government admits that it had offered Japanese war criminals and scientists who had performed human medical experiments salaries and immunity from prosecution in exchange for data on biological warfare research. Some of these scientists had tortured to death the humans on which they experimented. (Los Angeles Times, USA Today/Associated Press)

1996 – The U.S. Department of Defense admits that Desert Storm soldiers were exposed to chemical agents. A scientific review finds a strong association between exposure to certain chemicals and the Gulf War illness suffered by many veterans. (CNN News, Washington Post, New York Times)

1999 – Jesse Gelsinger dies as a result of a University of Pennsylvania’s gene-therapy trial. The principal investigator in the study, James Wilson holds a 30% equity stake in Genovo, which owned the rights to license the drug being studied; the university owned 3.2% of the company. When Targeted Genetics Corp. later acquires Genovo, Wilson reportedly earns $13.5 million and Penn $1.4 million. (Time Magazine)

2000 – Experimental artificial blood is transfused into research subjects across the United States without their consent. Later studies show that the artificial blood causes a significant increase in the risk of heart attacks and death. (ABC News, 2nd ABC News article)

2002 – North Carolina’s Shearon Harris nuclear plant contains the largest radioactive waste storage pools in the US. If the cooling system malfunctions, the resulting fire could trigger a nuclear meltdown. In 2002, plant managers are forced to manually shut down the reactors four times. Between 1999 and 2003, there are twelve major problems requiring the shutdown of the plant. Yet the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission ignores the potential risks. (Counterpunch, ABC affiliate, Associated Press)

2007 – Texas governor Rick Perry makes the vaccine Gardasil mandatory for all Texan schoolgirls. The vaccine is designed to prevent the sexually transmitted cervical-cancer virus, yet even girls not sexually active are forced to take the new vaccine. Perry defends his relationship with Merck & Co., makers of the vaccine. The safety of the vaccine is also increasingly questioned. (MSNBC/AP, Los Angeles Times)

2008 – Nanotechnology, with risks to health still unknown, is being widely used in consumer products. Some experts say the microtubules which can easily enter our bodies may pose health and environmental risks. Researchers in Scotland say we may be facing the same health risks as asbestos. Yet industry is rapidly embracing this risky technology with little oversight. (New York Times, Project Censored, Science News)

2009 – The American Academy of Environmental Medicine calls for a moratorium on genetically modified foods. Their report states, “GM foods pose a serious health risk in the areas of toxicology, allergy and immune function, reproductive health, and metabolic, physiologic and genetic health.” Yet the US threatens a trade war against any country which opposes these frankenfoods. The US media fail miserably to even present a debate on this crucial health topic. (American Academy of Environmental Medicine, Guardian, Scientific Summary)

2011 – Researchers suspect the military’s High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP), which frequently disturbs the ionosphere using powerful directed energy beams, is placing humanity at high risk due to unintended consequences. Some believe HAARP may even be influencing some natural disasters like earthquakes and hurricanes. (CBC documentary [Canada’s PBS], Prof. Michel Chossudovsky)

2011 – Three nuclear design specialists employed by General Electric come forward stating that they resigned in 1976 after becoming convinced that the nuclear reactor design they were reviewing – the Mark 1 – was so flawed that it could lead to a devastating accident. Five of the six reactors at the Japan’s nuclear facility which experiences a melt down in March 2011 are Mark 1s. (CBS News)

From 1988 to 2008, the number of overseas clinical trials for drugs increases by 2,000%, to approximately 6,500 trials. These trials are often conducted in areas with large numbers of poor and illiterate people who grant their consent by signing an “X” or making a thumb print on a form. The tests are rarely monitored by the FDA, and have in some cases proved deadly. 49 babies die in New Delhi, India during a 30-month trial. The cost of testing in countries without safety regulations is much lower; and, due to lax or nonexistent oversight, pharmaceutical corporations (or research companies they’ve contracted out to) are able to more easily suppress research that demonstrates harmful effects and only report positive results. (Vanity Fair)

Note: For more examples of humans used as guinea pigs, see the Wikipedia article at this link. For a History Channel documentary on this topic titled Declassified: Human Experimentation, click here.

By educating yourself and your friends and colleagues on these little-reported facts, you can help to build the critical mass necessary to force the media to give adequate coverage and stop these abuses. Let us work towards ever greater transparency both in government and in our own personal lives. And thanks for caring.

“A Good Day to Die” – revisited

A while back, I wrote about the right to decide it’s a “good day to die” – because I wanted to die.

My reasons I thought were compelling (and, I thought, in line with a newish New Mexico law): As a mind control subject, I am not only dissociative, but have suffered from regular, unexplainable, random events that happened usually while I slept and left me scared, scarred (literally), and often debilitated for days or weeks at a time – and were happening way too frequently (twice a week) to believe I could still make a living, socialize and contribute to my community, and be happy when I didn’t know when the next “hit” would come.

It really seemed as though I were victim to the same mysterious forces depicted by numerous artists like this one – typically a woman, unconscious in her bed, with a demon on her chest. Prayers didn’t seem to help.

Nevertheless, I knew I’d been through difficult times before and would later feel happy and confident again, and I was willing to believe it was possible I could be at least content again – though it seemed unlikely, I was willing to believe it was possible – so I determined to “get my affairs in order,” in the event I continued to feel this way, but not act too hastily, and be open to the possibility of seeing things anew.

Now, weeks later, my affairs (will and medical directives) are in order, and I’m still in a place of openness and tentative hope. I’ve had a few more profound experiences that feel “healing” in a sense, and I know that more is possible.

Therefore, I found it interesting when this video came across my desk this morning, about others choosing this option:

http://www.nytimes.com/video/us/100000003586181/a-right-to-die.html

It reminded me that I should update you all, who might have worried about me – and thank those of you who’ve written me over the past weeks to ask about how I’m doing and offer your concern. I’m making no immediate decision, but have found help and counseling for various issues: my heart, which is getting better with supplements of CoQ10, DHEA, magnesium, and more; my TMJ, which has become very problematic and sometimes painful – if my insurance company will cover it; and even my thumbs which were damaged in an old skiing accident and now my right has become a trigger-thumb making it difficult to knit or even write my name – though typing is fine. The controllers seem to have given me a bit of a break, I assume because they want me alive, not because they have any compassion. Oh yes, and I’m talking with a counselor, exploring other ways in which I might frame my situation and doing “somatic trauma therapy” – which impressed me yesterday with a quick exercise that released a heart and neck pain immediately!

I still feel tired a lot, but I’m moving forward as though I might continue to contribute to our world:

I am still a distributor for Sun Ovens, and will demonstrate them at our local, upcoming Earth Day (and sell them at the lowest-possible price to anyone – ;} – anywhere in the continental US – anytime, on my other website),

I’ve become a member again of our Southwest New Mexico Fiber Arts Alliance, with my artwork at The Common Thread retail gallery, and two other stores downtown,

I planted flowers in the garden a couple of weeks ago,

And I plan to go into debt to finish the natural plastic sculpture I began in my house over five years ago. (The unfinished tree sculpture is central in my living room/library/craft room/office here.)

So, life goes on. It feels better conjuring hope than not. Even if we have to pretend we have power to craft our life story, that pretense has power, sometimes very little, but enough to get me moving, enough to get me in the garden or at the art table, and it feels important to try to continue to make meaning.

Nutritional food is critical too. And sunlight. And exercise. I’ve had to force all these on myself to generate a new will to live. Simple things, but critical. Any readers suffering like me, please remember these simple things. And do what you can do. We might find meaning after all – again. And it would be sad to leave too soon to discover that.

PS: It’s important, also, I believe, to acknowledge the good in hitting the bottom: With nothing left to lose, I began speaking truth to myself and to my partner. Those truths were very hard to tell, but they’ve had very good results. And who knows, but they might be the very most important thing that has happened.

So I’m respecting even these very hardest of times as critical to my life.

Blessings on you all, dear Readers ~

Monsoon Rain “Dancer” – burned

This colored pencil sketch is by Asante Riverwind, my former partner, from 2003-2005. He said it was a portrait of me.

Since I’d been having years of spontaneous shamanic experiences while living in my hermitage, each of the emblems in this portrait had some meaning – but I never thought carefully about how all the parts went together.

It’s interesting how we can sometimes fail to see what’s right in front of us.

Now, ten years later, I find this all quite disturbing – but something I can deal with.

On a card we made of this art, he’d written this poem:

Monsoon Rain “Dancer”

Star-winged serpent clouds gifting

cleansing waters and lightning’s fire

quenching thirsts of the life-blood

of turtle island earth

While the snake or serpent is an ancient symbol of life, renewal and transformation, it’s usually depicted in an ouroboros – a circle, egg-shape, or infinity symbol – with the snake eating its own tail, consuming its own life. I don’t know about this star-winged serpent.

I’d always thought those star wings were on me, a symbol of some power to access the cosmos, perhaps – I never saw before that they belonged to the serpent. And I thought the snake was near me, but now I see both the serpent and the wings are not only way too close to my back, but appear almost attached! And they’re both larger than me, seeming to overwhelm me! The snake is even tangled in my hair, representing thought, and even bursting through my hair.

The snake is golden, a symbol of the power ruling our world for ages; whereas my body, naked, is red and blue, the swirling colors of nature’s blood. And my humanness is clearly overwhelmed by that unnatural, golden, reptilian power of the night.

And why is the word “Dancer“ in quotation marks? Maybe I’m not really dancing, but in a trance, dancing like a puppet, controlled by… the snake. My face is not just solemn or quiet, but looks definitely unhappy.

Also, I seem to be cramped beneath the upper frame, as if unable to rise, prohibited by the frame of another twining, golden snake. The power is not singular, but constructed, like mind control, in layers.

The rain, which we love in the desert, is an absolute deluge in this art, too much – and water symbolizes emotion. Everyone knows I’ve been highly emotional about this mind control I’ve so long sought to escape – to the point of desiring death more times than I can count.

And the dancer’s intimate region is wide open, and red, as if hurting – as I have been, for years, for all my life, actually, as readers know.

(There’s more I could discuss, but that’s enough for now.)

Today I see this art as representing me under mind control: entranced, kept from rising, exposed intimately, trapped in a royal cage, overwhelmed and controlled by a powerful being of the proverbial night.

Since Asante’s artwork has value and cachet among some people, I’ve been proud to own this piece, especially of me. And I paid Asante $500 for this – a voluntary gift, actually – an amount I thought generous, but which I could do because I’d just sold my home and wanted to help him in his move – so of course I’ve usually displayed this art, though privately – meaning, in my bedroom, which is where I often pray.

I now believe it was not a good item to have in my prayer room.

So I’ve just ritually destroyed it in fire.

And I realize we’re on the cusp of an Easter morning now, and so I hereby I assert my own resurrection.

It feels good. And powerful.

So be it.

And I’ll create my own art, perhaps tomorrow, using my symbols of my life.

Aren’t we always in the possibility of rebirth?

I claim it.

The Sex & Medicine Summit

Wow!

I wish I’d promoted it as soon as I heard of it. I just didn’t know it was going to be so good.

It may be available for a fee. Check it out.

http://sexandmedicinesummit.com/

Healing in the Pleasure Garden of the Body

I wish I’d posted about this sooner, but perhaps it’s not too late for you to join.

This seminar – which has been very good, and profound at times – lasts through Sunday, and the last couple days will be available for a couple of days.

And it’s free!

Can’t do this any longer

4 of the last 5 nights, I’ve been “hit.” Can’t be a whistleblower any longer.

Maybe if I quit this, they’ll give me a break.

Watching “Karla”

orange-new-black-season-3-spoilers Impressed by the incredible actor Laura Prepon, of Orange is the New Black, I looked her up on Wikipedia and read:

In 2005, Prepon starred in the film Karla, the true story of Paul Bernardo and his wife Karla Homolka, a couple who kidnapped, sexually abused and murdered three young girls – marking a contrast to her usual lighthearted roles.^[7]

Not my type of movie.

I’ve been in such deep darkness lately, that it seemed bizarre to watch this movie now, but, if I might state the obvious, I thought the description of the psychopathic couple could have a lot in common with the mind control network that controls me. It seemed it might be therapeutic. And, numb from all my own darkness, I could take it today.

And because I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom this past week, in which I’ve remembered and dwelt on a whole lot of stuff and the larger pattern, I thought the content of this movie wouldn’t be as shocking, and I’d be able to watch it with some dispassion. I thought I’d somehow benefit, and maybe even something revealing and healing could be triggered.

Here are my notes made during the movie:

– Many of my partners have signs of having been mind controlled too and of controlling me in a wide variety of ways.

– “She doesn’t even have to know.” Drugs and electroshock.

– I realize I’ve also been set up for sexual videos many times. Some of these I was too afraid to write about, even in my own journal, even many years after the fact. I remember wanting to write about an event a couple of times, but when I tried, my hand froze, so I said “Okay,” and never wrote about them anywhere. I

– The “knock-out drug.” Maybe that’s why I’m so hyper-sensitive to all sedatives.

– And if I wake up too soon, they just zap me afterward. Which explains my random heart problems, Taser burns, etc.

– Karla’s character traits: severe obedience, fear of abandonment, mistaking need for love, ability to precisely follow orders.

I relate to this totally, feeling painfully the work it has been in past decades to break free of even parts of it to create new patterns in more of my psyche. (Though I know I’m still being controlled – or have been recently – by someone commanding buried alters I’ve not yet been able to heal).

– Karla was a psychopath, who felt no remorse for others’ pain. I’m glad to know I hurt for others all over the planet, and still feel bad about a time when I was a Senior in high school (and never again, it felt so bad) “trying on” the behavior of a bossy former leader whose place I was taking, and I hurt a girl’s feelings, I thought – and I apologized to her a couple/few decades later! (She didn’t remember the event.)

I don’t believe I have any psychopathology, but I’m pretty sure I have a trained killer alter, whom I’ve only experienced once in my life, and that was when someone tried to break into my partner’s and my apartment, and I was ready to kill the man — quickly and efficiently.

After a moment of confusion, being awakened in the night, I snapped into a totally-unrecognized, but efficient and graceful series of behaviors, bouncing on my toes with a butcher knife in my hand, having commanded my partner to call 911. In my head was a recitation of the route my knife would take under his ribcage and up, the weight of the knife now becoming familiar as I bounced it in my fingers, the thought-feeling of the knife cutting its way through layers of skin, fat, and muscle – all running through my head with an absolute certainty that this would go perfectly. But the door held, and the police arrived and took him away.

They only took my report after arguing with me for quite a while about the non-necessity of arresting “a young man on a Saturday night with a little too much alcohol or drugs,” then the report didn’t exist the next morning, and no record of it was in any log, or so they told me. They were either protecting the drugged-up son of some powerful person, or they were testing my training. I wonder. But I do feel that I did have the complete knowledge in one hologram of my being for what I planned to do.

(When I wrote my book, RattleSnake Fire, I didn’t think this had anything to do with the rest of my book, or I would have included the story at the start of Chapter 16.)

So, I guess they programmed some part of me to kill, and when my life felt threatened, I was ready – and more than willing – to kill someone who “clearly,” I thought then, deserved it. No second thoughts, just total focus: bouncing on the toes, watching, hefting the knife, feeling the path, ready…. Good thing the police saved him.

Their videos of their murders …. chilling.

I think there are probably many videos of me; I’ve had lots of events over the years where the possibility something was a set-up for this was definitely in my mind, and my gut felt horrible about its real possibility, but my mind kept telling me, “No, just go along, don’t be paranoid….”

I feel so weak now, I can hardly lift my hands… but now refocused…. I think I should not be weak. I should face this stuff.

I want to cry.

I remember, “A seed must break apart before it can bear fruit.”

I’m breaking….feeling totally destroyed….

~~~~

– Need to post the art showing demons on unconscious women, a small collection I’ve come across.

This institutional rape of women is not unique to our culture, but ancient.

Here:

– Rapes, psychotic personalities… curiously familiar feelings as I watch them,
slowly making connections in my conscious mind….

And I realize how powerfully I’ve been programmed to not be able
to distinguish psychotic lies from the truth
– in my younger years; I’m better now.
No wonder I’ve had such a series of “handlers,” rarely lovers.
(Mind control subjects need their handlers.)

– Her fear of being hated and abandoned was extreme to the point of numb terror,
very child-like and unthinking.

I’ve never been as bad as Karla, but I’ve had severe tendencies, and still do, I think.

– Karla mistakes her neediness for “love” because she was programmed that way. I was too, though now, thankfully, I recognize the difference. But that’s only one part of the control in their big bag of tricks.

– She’s seriously obsessed, more than I’ve ever been,
but I can see so clearly the patterns of how seriously we’ve both been MK’d.
Karla went psycho though. I became “multiple” (a better thing), cordoning off the ugliest stuff, leaving the rest of me, but only part of me, somewhat “normal.”

Splitting off, as a “multiple personality,” has made living a somewhat “normal” life, even a successful life in some modest ways, and often happy life possible. And I’m grateful.

But I have to keep aiming for fuller consciousness; it seems the only responsible thing to do. So I keep trying to remember and heal.

– I think my implants (typically thought of as “alien” or sometimes government), might also be associated with this. And one of their purposes, besides GPS and other sorts of control and harassment, is to identify me as to ownership – like a ranch animal.

Image result for laura prepon alex vause images – Flashing back on Prepon’s character in Orange is the New Black, Alex Vausse – cold, hard, “seen it all,” willing to take pleasures where she can, willing to lie and seriously hurt her best friend and lover.

I might have alters who lie, but I don’t lie in my conscious life, except a few memorable times when it might have literally saved my life.

(Though some would say we all lie, all the time. Great TedTalks video on lying here.)

The difference between psychopathic and multiple: I have alters with behaviors for sex and killing locked away neatly (though they could be triggered on command, making the main part of me amnesic), whereas Karla has integrated the soul-deadened killer and liar into the whole of her.

I don’t think my killer alter can be triggered accidentally again, now that I’ve recognized her. But she gives me some confidence, knowing she’s there and capable if ever needed.

Mind controllers, though, can trigger that alter, which is why I tell everyone about this, and why I’m trying to heal – or hoping to die if things don’t get better.

(I don’t want the responsibility of choosing, in this conscious state, to ever kill someone, or myself. Too much appreciation for Life and the Mystery to destroy any of it – even though I talked about dying in January. I still believe I have the right, and conditions could change, but I’m not aiming there now.)

– I think there have always been psychopaths on the planet, but they’re increasing to record numbers and power now, it seems – at least I feel their heavy presence in my life.

Pulling back from despair….

– If I have any purpose in life, it’s to document my experience, which documents the worst of humanity at the end of the era. Feels important. So I record….

– I think this entire Earth is the subject of a turf war between warring global or cosmic gangster factions, the highest class (Illuminati?) to the lowest, and who knows how many factions and sub-factions there might be. It’s probably as complicated as global politics. Actually, it’s a big part of global and national politics. And maybe cosmic politics. Taking slaves of various sorts.

– Different aspects of this System have been called mind control, ritual abuse, gang stalking, demonic, Satanic, sex slavery, CIA mind control, psychopathic, dark magick, human trafficking, Freemasonry, Mormonism, The Greek System, the Senate page scandal….and lots more. (I might have wrongly included a few of the above, but maybe not.)

Image result for laura prepon karla images – Karla was clearly trained to endure violence in numbness.

– Her husband is also a psychopath, but has features of a “multiple personality” as I understand it — even though the movie never makes a point of that, and he does no dramatic switching of alters. He’s charming in his social self, but he eventually is taken over by the desire to act out horrific sexual abuse on women, which he uses his adult intelligence to carry out, but when frustrated in any way, he reverts to behaviors that are what a six year old might do: scream, abuse, and yell incessant profanity – and rarely cry – all while otherwise appearing and conversing as an (immature) adult. And it’s clear to me that he was sexually brutalized around the age of six, much like many of us. Some go psycho. Some split. I’m so glad I split.

– Subconsciously, they recognize each other as “also abused,” and that’s their attraction: they are familiar to each other.

Great movie. (Here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0424938/business?ref_=tt_dt_bus.)

Plan to be seriously disturbed. (Maybe don’t watch it, or wait till the right time.)

It’s top-notch acting, directing, everything.

And a true story.

I grieve for the world….

May it be over soon.

Friday Foundation: “Spooks” – a short radio show about feds

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In 2002, it seems the feds did a number on my credibility.

That May and part of June, I did media work for the historic federal trial, “Judi Bari vs the FBI” – where I experienced weird, nighttime altered states of consciousness (which seemed electronic in nature), then came home to read for the first time websites on mind control, which terrified me – and also let me understand my life – a simultaneous, contradictory relief, which barely counter-balanced my urge to quickly find a way to die.

Between bouts of serious disability, I pulled myself together enough to produce this radio show titled, “Spooks” – which aired on our community radio station on Halloween night, 2002.

(For the innocent – spooks is a term commonly used for government spies.)

I interspersed sections of my narration with related clips of Bob Dylan’s “Subterranean Blues.”

The story was meant to address the paranoia in our local Earth First! community that year over spies and infiltration, but do it in an inspiring way. So, I self-deprecatingly presented my story of having recently been “bad jacketed” – an FBI tactic, to cast suspicion on certain people, to discredit them.

So I produced this piece while reeling from four major shocks: first, daily close proximity for six weeks to FBI liars who protected a would-be assassin, arrested the wounded activists, harassed scores of activists with their “investigation,” and put our friends at further risk with false accusations to the media; second, experiences of what I assumed were electronic harassment at night; third, realizing I’d been a mind control subject since childhood and was still almost certainly being monitored; and fourth, having my sincere attempts to calm the group anxiety with simple education turned into my being personally attacked as a probable spy!

I was shocked, dumbfounded, and deeply, deeply hurt.

But, ironically, I probably was a spy! I just didn’t know it then. It would dawn on me slowly that, as a mind control subject, I most assuredly had been some sort of threat to them, albeit unconscious, but this hadn’t quite sunk into my mind during those first terrifying months of realizing I’d been a mind control subject since childhood.

So my local Earth First! was probably right to eject me, but the reason was wrong, and the manner was horrifying to experience.

[My voice sounds very young on this recording, even though I was 50 at the time. (That’s multiple-ness for ya.) Maybe my younthful-sounding voice is also part of my attempt to assure listeners that a reasonable, even cheerful person could be an Earth First!er – even though the national media had usually presented us as the opposite.]

Now that I’ve listened to this feature (not an extemporaneous yack, but a carefully crafted, radio feature) for the umpteenth time in the last 12 years, and I’m proud of it.

It’s an important story – and world news not covered by the US major media. (So you’re forgiven if you’ve never heard of this story which everyone should know.)

So Enjoy…

Wait! I almost forgot:

How this production was used to discredit me: For the first 16 minutes, I tell the story with music, then I present my solution to fear (which I sorely needed, to deal with my special load): I borrowed a few lines from Leslie Marmon Silko’s book, Ceremony, which quotes Thought Woman:

Stories…aren’t just entertainment. Don’t be fooled.

They are all we have, you see – all we have to fight off illness and death.

You don’t have anything if you don’t have the stories.

Their evil is mighty. But it can’t stand up to our stories.

So they try to destroy the stories. Let the stories be confused. Or forgotten. …

There is life here for the people – and in the belly of this story.

Very content with my production, I sat in my desert hermitage on Halloween night beside the fireplace, listening to the show being aired. Suddenly the host cut short my production – just before I introduced my uplifting solution, leaving a long litany of scary shit the feds had done just hanging, resonating fear, fear, fear, with no solution, and said, “Thank you, Jean Eisenhower, for this radio show on fear.

My work had been turned up-side-down! My lovingly-created, artistic effort to offer something spiritually uplifting to my community was chopped in the worst place possible, making me sound, instead, like a fear monger – the #1-hated boogeyman among EF!ers that year.

The host later agreed to air the piece in its entirety, but instead he did a bad fake of a cassette tape sticking and dragging (then described it as being “eaten,” a different sound), apologized to the audience, and threw my tape in the trash – or so he said, apparently hoping I hadn’t made a copy.

I had, and then he changed his mind and refused.

The next week, I got his co-host (having a tiff with him also) to air my entire show on her (recently split-off) first half of their show.

This is the sort of “mild harassment” that’s been done to labor, civil rights, and other social justice activists for decades – along with random murder attempts.

FBI-Secrets-Swearingen-M-9780896085015 One FBI agent, Wesley Swearingen, wrote an excellent memoir late in his life, describing his misdeeds before he died: FBI Secrets: An Agent’s Expose’.

We in Earth First! experienced many sorts of dirty tricks similar to his accounts. And this treatment of me was classic.

Here’s my story.

(I used a hand-held cassette player to record my voice, then copied it, section by section, interspersing snippets from “Subterranean Blues” off an old vinyl record. Edits sound like they were made on equipment with funky, imprecise functions – which was the case! Many thanks to Leo Mellon for his tech and other support for this project.)

Friday Foundation: Tortured Congress

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Wow…. Listening to Cenk Uygur on his Young Turks video show, and while I totally relate to his irate oration, I suddenly realized I was bothered by the bite of his ridicule.

As much as I, too, hate the behavior of those men and women in Congress, I know they are fucked little children, tortured when they long-ago expressed their natural, beautiful humanity. Disobedience resulted in more torture and sometimes murder, which impressed their young minds. Eventually, the children were rewarded when they finally, to save their lives, did what was despicable to them.

It began when they were very young. It was consistent, scientific, and ruthless – called MK Ultra. And now those grown-up tortured children create national policy out of terror.

They need the same sympathy I do.

And we need to quit pretending they represent us.

Third video!

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Wow, for being 62 years old, I sure look like a child here. Cornelia Wilbur was right – multiples often look decades younger than their ages.

Hi Friends ~

I just watched my third video again for the first time in many months and believe this is also worthy of another view: “Part 2: My Experience as a Multiple Personality.”

Thanks for watching – it’s just under ten minutes, with lots in it (third one down): https://paradigmsalon.wordpress.com/videos/

And the fourth video is a ten-minute reading of the beginning of a powerful book by Ann Diamond, A Certain Girl. Powerful even after many listenings! Thank you, Ann, for writing it, and for permission to read it.

Two Short Videos – Please Share

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Hi Everyone ~

I just re-watched these videos made last year and think it’s time now for more people to see them. I hope you’ll watch at least the first two videos:

https://paradigmsalon.wordpress.com/videos/

Friends in town, I hope and pray, will stop by.

Thanks for all you do in these important times.

Jean

PS And if you didn’t read my last post yet, it’s here: “Our Right to Say, ‘It’s a good day to die.”’

No longer an activist; No longer an Earth First!er

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No longer an activist; no longer an Earth First!er.

Activist has been my identity since I fought the dress code in high school and was sent home to change, seething at the hypocrisy of it, the requirement that women wear skirts, and in all weather, and little girls too, hampering their play. Pissed me off.

And locking my neck to the front axle of a roadgrader to stop an astrophysical development on Mount Graham was another highlight of my life, far more important to me than any of the awards and recognitions I frequently won in the mainstream world.

In fact, I often chose activism over other more professionally-enhancing and money-earning work I could have done, leaving me today among the poorest of the poor people on Social Security. Oh well.

I’m proud of my life. There are not many choices I regret. And I saved some habitat on that mountain, as well as a historic elementary school that anchors a large, mostly Hispanic neighborhood, helped victims and perpetrators of domestic violence, helped get a couple of community radio stations launched, and helped change the dress code. A better world.

But I think I’ve got to change my business card. I’m no longer an activist. And I’m not feeling all that smiley these days.

Activism assumes we can effect change. And I think we’re spinning toward that drain just a little too fast to keep telling myself, We’ll pull out of this, we’ll pull out. I’ve exhausted all my optimism.

I think we’re going through it. And I expect to find it a portal. So I’m putting my hopes on the Other Side.

And that’s why I’m no longer an Earth First!er (though I’ve stayed away ever since I found out I was a mind control subject twelve years ago; I didn’t want to risk sabotaging the work in a mind-controlled state).

And I love this Earth, but it seems to me that the secret Controllers have poisoned the air, earth, and water, fractured underground aquifers, sterilized the soil, planted unknown numbers of bombs who knows where, and modified our basic food crops to cause cancer and not reproduce. It doesn’t take a scientist to recognize a pattern.

I believe the Controllers are holding a total liquidation sale of the planet, including the people, of course, who are already used to thinking of themselves as human resources. And it seems that any of us living things left will have greatly diminished chances of survival. Maybe this is protocol for galactic entrepreneurs, like American housewives using bleach-water on the counters after cleaning.

All the world’s financiers are making very short-term decisions. (I’m making short-term decisions now.) All the wealthiest entities seem to be participating in this liquidation, so I think it’s time to wrap our heads around the idea of leaving the Earth and thinking about where we’re going in the next place or dimension.

Instead of active, now I’m passive, knitting in front of the fireplace, thinking, praying, petting the cat, pondering heavy stuff, feeling it’s all going to be okay.

Now, maybe I’m unnecessarily dark. Maybe things are better than we know – and especially better than I can know – after all, I was trained with torture, so I do tend to have more fundamental distrust of people.

Maybe it’s the time of the Nine of Swords — darkest just before the dawn. And the worst of humanity, the worst, most demonic stuff that has been allowed to play out on this planet for the last 10,000 years, like capitalism and patriarchy, have had their day and will soon be over. And we’ll get extra-dimensional help, or the Permaculturalists will design the environmental remediation, mushrooms will eat all the poisons, and we’ll all work together to feed everyone while reversing all the devastation.

…I used to work toward a similar scenario when I learned and promoted Permaculture, community mediation, and all the other skills I thought important for helping evolve a new culture. But so much that I’ve attempted has been sabotaged. And the stealing of children goes on.

And someone still, for over a decade now, leaves me with burns, bruises, biopsy “scoop marks,” other scars, and exhaustion during the night, but no memories. So pardon me if I’m dark.

I’m sorry, Everyone loving your life on Earth, but I’m not sad to see things going down the drain. Capitalism – and all the child rape, child porn, and sexual slavery it has justified and promoted for way too long – must go. And I’m certainly ready to get out of here myself, thank you.

So, I’ll be sitting by my fire, passively knitting and thinking, It’s all gonna be okay.

Sunday Summary: Highs and (Forgotten) Shocking Lows

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– impression that all has been fine, but….
– journals report incredible list of weirdness – almost forgotten!
– accomplishments of 2014 impressive, despite experiences

Well, the life of a mind controlled multiple personality is not boring! For one thing, all my alters want expression, and that keeps me busy. And the multiple-ness keeps me “forgetting” the disturbing things, at least in my day-to-day consciousness, which keeps me functional; when I read disturbing things I’ve written and remember them, I become less functional – like today.

Hmmm…. Memory or function? Which do we want?

October is not that long ago, but I’m blown away by how many weird things happened in the last few months that I simply forgot!

But first, let’s do something different: I’ll lead with the good stuff instead of the bad. Here are some of the highlights of our year, which I find quite impressive every time I read it!

It’s a long list, so just skim if you want, using my asterisks to read the most important (then I’ll list the weird stuff):

Performances

* I performed a dozen times with Greg this year (his collection of folk-rock covers and original Americana – with themes of love, friendship, and home), sometimes out of town, or at our Farmers Market, and at a favorite coffee house, where a few times we presented music by Dylan, Browne, and Young with themes of apocalypse and strange, extra-dimensional events – tied together with my commentary. Much fun!

We attracted two new musical friendships and call our foursome the Southern Rocky Mountain Band. We played a single song (Greg’s original) at the historic Pinos Altos Opera House (a fundraiser for the Wild Gila: Forever Free CD/DVD release party), and we hope to begin playing out and recording more next year.

* In June, I “quit everything” (the most important thing I did all year) – home and garden design, singing, and more – and determined to do nothing but heal my mind and write about it. (More, below, under Health.)

I accepted my Social Security. When asked why I didn’t wait til I was older and would receive more, I said, “All the world’s financiers are making short term decisions. I’m making short-term decisions.” (I didn’t tell the other truth: because I’m damn tired of trying to hold my life together while also working.)

* During six weeks of never singing with Greg or the band, I healed some significant energy blocks, freed my voice significantly, and picked up singing again, then took some voice lessons and made more improvements.

We recorded our original “Lying Here with You” on video, and received great feedback.

Radio Show

In January, I helped Greg launch Silver City Acoustic, showcasing local and touring musicians on our local community radio station. I ran the board and eventually participated in the interviews. We aired the live, 2-hour show for 20-some weeks, interviewing 40-some local and touring musicians and bands. (When the station went off the air for an extended time, we lost momentum.)

I quit my weekly Back to the Garden radio show after 40 weeks – seeing that I’d taken on too much again, and this was not my forte anyway. I like to think I inspired others to say, “I can do that!” Or “I can do better than that!” so they’ll volunteer to fill those airwaves in my place. (It was fun, but I had too much on my plate.)

Home and Garden

We emptied our storage room, sold the last “big stuff,” and cleared a lot of stuck energy. Then we renovated the little 11×20 building into a functional and cheery guest house and studio retreat.

We built a cedar fence around the last of the yard (in front of our next guest house), sporting a curved corner which has garnered very nice compliments, and crafted two beautiful handles for our two front gates.

We turned the also-cluttered sun room into a beautiful sitting space on one side and a functional tool storage on the other.

My Writing and the Cyber World

* I redesigned JeanEisenhower.com to no longer hide my mind control work – and I put it on my business card, and on both I used a photo of me that I’ve avoided using for years because it seemed “too happy.” It’s been a huge psychological shift, though I still worry sometimes when handing out a card.

I renovated my Paradigm Salon website, consolidated pages, made them more accessible, filled in gaps in the information (and increased readership).

I started the Garden Healing Church, addressing natural healing and activism against enforced medicine – as spiritual necessity. The site continues to attract followers, even though I don’t post often.

I got my old laptop repaired and almost functioning with its own modem – for use by the fireplace! Yeah! What a nice way to treat myself!

Family and Friends

* We both reconnected with our parents and families in powerful ways. I even spent 6 days with my parents over the holiday! (First time to spend more than a few hours with them in over 20 years.)

We hosted a few garden parties, and stayed connected with long-distance friends.

* We helped an elderly friend die consciously, working with a wonderful group of volunteers, including nurses, doctors, chaplains, and shamans, making new friends – and supporting his wife. I monster birth photographed (and posted) an amazing thing Greg found a couple of days before our friend passed: a dragonfly emerging from its cocoon, into a new life!

I attended my first women’s gathering in years.

Other Art

Besides designing the guest house, our new fence, two gate handles, our many web sites, photography, videography, audio recording and mixing, and writing, I started knitting again – most satisfying.

Health

* Again: In June, I “quit everything,” and began focusing each day on what I needed to keep myself calm and able to handle life, and instituted new habits and changes to ensure I had what I needed. After six weeks, I came back to singing.

* In October, I created a Notebook/Journal to help me remember and track everything I need to remember on a daily basis, but often forget. I also used a timer every 30 minutes to help me note my activities and improve my time awareness. After a couple of months, I felt I didn’t need that intense reminder every thirty minutes, so I stopped using the timer, but knew it had been an important exercise in becoming more conscious.

I wrote over 300 pages of journal entries over a few short months, rich with new awareness, particularly about mind control and my relationship to it. I expect to post about it soon.

* I just created a new system of reminders to be awake on my iPhone: I created a series of lovely-sounding “alarms” to go off every hour every day (easier than the timer system). They’re all named “Breathe, Gratitude, and Note,” to remind me to breathe, remember what I’m grateful for, ask for guidance, and note it all, with either a journal note, voice memo, or mental note.

I started up at “Curves” again, started drinking daily turmeric tea, and got back to my supplements.

I invented “sludge cake”! – a gluten-free cake made from the precipitate (sludge) from turmeric tea – even when we eat it plain, we crave it – our cells tell us it’s great medicine. My recipe is here.

So, I was feeling like life had turned an important corner toward goodness and freedom – as I couldn’t remember any recent weirdness – until I skimmed over my journals, which I’d designed to make easy to find things by category. But when I looked, I found in my “anomalies” category, a lot of unexplainable experiences, which I’ll group by month:

2nd half of August: 2 “donut” bruises, 1 injection bruise, 2 scratches similar to biopsy scoops, another injection bruise and other bruise.

September: twice “lost time,” extreme energy issues, worsened ringing in ears, flood of “mental movies” (random things like family home movies of people I don’t know) that seem beamed in, big bruise on inner arm, scoop mark, time problem, dark bruise on left leg, hypersensitive patches of skin, 5 more days of severe energy issues, forgetful days, very tired.

October: worsened ringing in ears, movies in head again, heart problems (palpitations, stress, slow heartbeat [61 pbm], extreme weakness, days I thought I was dying), weird sleep cycles, 2 more bruises, one a double two bruises (“hypodermic”? or Taser?), one day so speedy I thought they’d given me some pharmaceutical to compensate for something that might have made me tired otherwise, missing time, feeling “out of it” and struggling to do simple things, another bruise. (I know the bruise photos sometimes don’t look like much, but they are so consistent and unexplained.)

November: Very bizarre experience of seeing my hand, while I was writing, as if through a yellow glass, but as if video’d from above my head, then run back into my mind (so I watched my hand writing in this second-person state), felt an “intrusion” of another being into my being, with a sense of goodness and reconnection (or maybe it was just “electronic heroin”), then I lost time and could barely put myself to bed (all one evening with my partner beside me), and my partner had to help me get to bed; another bruise; remembered things too vague to describe and was sick with fear.

December: Another bruise, dreams of medical procedures; energy “download” followed by no memory; dreams of aliens “all night.”

And who knows what happened the first part of the year? I haven’t the energy to look through my journals.

Okay, so I’ve got a problem: What to do? What to do when I recognize stuff is going on that is beyond my ability to consciously control or even remember?

This is my ongoing “Do something drastic? or what?” dilemma.

I like life when I have I seem to control my own part of it, but not when I get these hints that someone is highjacking parts of me. Not fun at all.

And I just found this old photo of myself with my mother on a train. It seems I’m about 5 or 6.

(It’s the only sad photo of me I’ve seen from childhood. All the rest are “super-cheerful.”)

Are we on the train to New Mexico? (That strange trip my mother took me on which seems so out-of-custom for our family?) For my mind control? After which I have no memories until age 8?

Ugh. How do I keep on? I feel sick. Have been experiencing nausea and anxiety all day now….

How can I keep putting it away as if it didn’t happen? Where is there to hide? Nowhere.

Recently I wrote in my journal about generating the power to control our own minds, thereby wresting control away from “Them.”

Is that even possible? My new million-dollar question….

Why I’m Not on Facebook

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A few years ago, I tried out Facebook, but quit it after a few months, feeling that something was fishy. And now i find an article that supports my suspicions: http://landdestroyer.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/facebook-colonialism-20.html

“Facebook has turned its features against users, insidiously manipulating their timelines to show selected posts and updates while “soft censoring” others to manage public perception.”

And that’s only what’s been discovered so far. (And, yes, I know that links were made between Facebook and the CIA years ago, but how Facebook actually distorts information on behalf of the controllers has not, to my knowledge, been studied, tested, or described before now.)

While I was on Facebook, I repressed my desire to post too much “radical” stuff, and just use it to present myself as I am: someone with a wide variety of interests besides mind control – for instance, gardening, home design, art, spirituality, social transformation, etc.

I figured eventually I’d also promote occasional blogs from this site, but I’d emphasize my other aspects of self first.

Immediately, though it seemed that someone behind the scenes was sabotaging me.

Before I go further, let me say that I have excellent face-to-face relationships throughout my community. I perform. I was hired as Executive Director of our local Habitat for Humanity, and I’ve been invited to apply for many other worthy positions in this community. When I walk down the street of this small town, I have numerous happy conversations with folks, sometimes a dozen or more within a few blocks. And I once filled the house with 60 people at a wonderful party. (Yes! …despite having dissociative tendencies – in the process of healing, I like to remind.)

But on Facebook, I had an experience opposite of my face-to-face relationships.

Since things were feeling fishy, I experimented. I posted something and saw it post on my “Wall” and on my “Home” (community) page. Then I logged out and logged back in as my partner, and could not find my post anywhere – until it suddenly showed up 20 minutes later!

When my partner is logged in, we always witness his posts appearing immediately in both places, and they remain there even when we log in as me. We tested this repeatedly and found that his posts always appear immediately, regardless of who is logged in, while my posts showed up immediately only on my page – and took anywhere from 20-60 minutes to show up on his page. What was going on?

I theorized that, as a “targeted individual” (a harassed mind-control subject and activist whistleblower), the controllers have created a special route for my posts, so that they can perform the Brave New World version of COINTELPRO (Counter Intelligence Program) disinformation on them before releasing them into the cybersphere.

What used to take hours or days and multiple agents in the paper-and-typewriters days (explained in humorous detail in this book at right) – but nevertheless was done regularly, even for little-old-lady peace activists – can now be done in a matter of minutes by a single agent with a computer program and individualized instructions for each activist they want to mess with.

(My information comes not only from books like this one, but also by having had undercover agents in my home, as I learned later when those agents testified against a friend at trial; and I also did media work for the “Judi Bari versus FBI” federal trial and was witness to the death threats she received, and we also received during the trial, as well as the discrediting, violence-inciting posters probably created by agents but attributed to this non-violent peace-activist mother of two, who then became the subject of an assassination attempt on her life – probably incited by things like those fake posters. The assassination attempt was covered up for twelve years by the FBI, as all the jurors agreed; the FBI paid a historic $4.4 million to Judi’s estate and her friend who was in the bombed car with her. So, if some judge me “negative,” I believe I have very sound reasons for my opinions of our disinformed world today.)

Some poor federal agent, I assume, sits at a computer all day, doing the newest version of COINTELPRO; s/he receives my posts and other targeted activists’ posts all day long, and as quickly as s/he can, uses individualized guidelines which tell him/her what to do with my communications. Some of my posts may only show up for a small circle of my closest friends, including my partner), so it’s not too obvious, and I do continue to get some response, but only a fraction.

Other posts, I suspect, may be rewritten in any number of ways (as described in the book above) to discredit me or cause rifts in my community, maybe making my posts sound hysterical, stupid, or ultra-angry, when in actuality I’d carefully crafted them to be calm and well-documented; and those hysterical, stupid, or angry rewrites, which someone wrote and credited to me, but which I’ll never see, are sent to everyone outside my closest circles, to people who are highly unlikely to ask me about them, but even if they do, the rewritten posts are on the same topic, so we’re likely never discover the discrepancy. Neat trick in a world where people are isolated by so many constructs of culture, and friendships are often virtual.

I theorized this rewriting because it seemed that, after I got on Facebook, there were changes in my face-to-face meetings with my more-distant acquaintances; it seemed they were turning away from me for no reason. Of course, since they were more distant acquaintances, they weren’t the type I could ask why they seemed to suddenly avoid me. When I got off of Facebook, things went mostly back to normal (until I found some illegal doings in a non-profit I worked for, called them on it, and made some of those people unhappy – oh well).

Now, there is still plenty of radical stuff posted by others on Facebook, but it may all be tainted with disinformation for all we know, and that’s why it’s allowed to go far and wide. Only guessing, but it would fit the pattern and the definition of COINTELPRO.

I miss the idea of Facebook, but I’m convinced it never was what we were promised – unless one is non-political and in no way a threat to the status quo, and then it’s still only half-honest, perhaps delivering that person’s posts as written, but delivering to that person only the posts Facebook and the government wants them to see. Since I challenge the status quo all the time, I believe I was subject to disinformation tactics all my time on Facebook.

And now this study seems to prove my suspicions are right on. Check it out: http://landdestroyer.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/facebook-colonialism-20.html

Sing-Song Trance

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Twenty years ago last summer, I became estranged from my parents for seven years, and then for the next thirteen years only saw them for a few hours usually once a year – until last week. For five nights then, I slept in their house and visited, mostly just them and me.

That summer day, I had a rare talk with my sister on the phone. (I’m close to no one in my family.) (I believe it’s part of mind control disinformation to discredit MK subjects within the family and elsewhere, especially when they begin to show signs of remembering. However, I’ve been subject to discrediting for a very long time.)

I asked my sister if she had any weird memories of our childhood, and she said no. But, she told me, she’d just seen a 20/20 television show on the so-called “false memory syndrome,” which she asserted was my problem.

For the record, there is no “syndrome,” by definition: a group of symptoms that consistently occur together or a condition characterized by a set of associated symptoms. There has never been a set or group of symptoms defined for this supposed syndrome.

However, the supposed “syndrome” serves as a cover story for anyone accused of anything, usually sexual crimes. The “false memory syndrome” asserts that the memory was invented by a person who’s mentally unwell, either unable to tell reality from imagination, or hatefully vengeful – which I’ve been called more than once for privately asking my sister the question I did and then, when confronted, recounting my memories – but not blaming my parents, only asking for help understanding.

The backlash of blame and hysteria, even when I recalled other individuals has continued to this day. (Those other individuals were military men. I thought this would relieve my parents of culpability, but it only made them more enraged and intent on proving me “deluded.” Their reaction never made sense until I learned about the military being involved in mind control experiments.)

Before I ever heard about the “false memory syndrome,” my parents began planting doubts in my mind, and in my siblings’ minds, about my ability to tell fantasy from reality. It began when I was a child and my mother told the doctor I had a tremendous imagination and talked to imaginary friends. He told her it was okay, even common, but she continued to tell other people within my hearing. Once, another mother responded that sometimes genius and insanity were hard to tell apart, and I took heart.

In adulthood, one Christmas holiday when everyone was together and we were sharing old stories, I recalled the earliest memory I have, of reaching up to my mother’s hips – I seemed to be barely able to walk, not understanding that she couldn’t pick me up while she cooked dinner, and I fussed. As I proceeded with my story, I realized that the next part of the memory didn’t put Mom in a very good light, but I’d already begun and didn’t know how to end it other than just continue.

Generally, I can’t invent – regardless that Mom has always contended I have – so I recounted the story as casually as I could, knowing that plenty of us have experienced frustration as parents and haven’t been perfect, but assuming we were all then mature enough to understand and not judge harshly, but today I wish I had not said it:

As I fussed and reached up to her hips, Mom threw down the spatula she was using at the stove and screamed, “I can’t take it anymore! I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back!” Then she stormed out the door and left me standing alone in the quiet tiny kitchen of their student housing dorm. I was terrified.

I knew that I needed a mother, and I thought I’d have to go outside to solicit another one. I imagined an expanse of concrete – common on the campus, of course – and imagined reaching up my arms to other women walking across the expanse, but in my mind’s eyes they were all busy and walking too fast. Only one in my imagination paused and considered me for a moment, then kept on walking.

I wailed and crawled to hide in the space between the red brocade chair and the wall – but when I gasped my next breath with my face in the upholstery, microscopic pieces of fiber and dust burned my nose and I cried harder.

Suddenly someone was pulling me out and I was surprised to see that my mother had returned. She then tried to assure me she’d never leave me, but I was wary. Even at that age, I guarded my heart from being so terrified again. I let her hug me, but recall no feeling of comfort. Only relief that the terror of aloneness was now gone.

Of course, I only told the bare bones of the story, omitting my imagination and tears, very sorry I hadn’t thought ahead and cut it shorter.

“Oh, I would never do that!” my mother huffed.

I tried to redirect attention from this aspect and turn it back to what I’d meant to be my point – that we can remember things from our very young years – which for some reason I was then absolutely fascinated by.

I grabbed a paper napkin and sketched. “The front door was here, almost directly behind someone standing at the stove. The wall next to the front door had glass you can’t see through. And just left of the stove began the carpet, and the red chair was here, at an angle.”

“You couldn’t remember that! You were only 14 months old when we moved away from there,” she countered, gesturing at my map, as if she’d proven me wrong.

But her face and her gesture told me I’d mapped those items correctly. “Mom, you just indicated that I drew the floor plan correctly.”

Her face went slack as if horrified. She rose from the table, mute, walked to a window where she stared out and said something, I realized with a shock, that I’d heard her say a few times before, and always in the same lilting, trance-like, sing-song voice, as if she’d said it to herself a thousand times, maybe to comfort herself, or maybe to practice saying it casually, “I’ve always said… you had a vivid imagination… and you mixed up your dreams… with memories.”

A sensation of memory was triggered somewhere deep inside me. Something was disturbed. Something felt a little sick. My mother had just sounded like a person in a trance. Why? Why would she go into a trance like that? Did she have a terrible memory herself of those times?

I felt terrible for hurting her feelings. And at the time, I thought it was impossible that my mother would do anything to hurt any of us, so I assumed she was beating herself up unnecessarily for something that couldn’t have been all that bad. Certainly not just walking out on me that day. Was there something else?

I tried to imagine the worst that could have happened if she were totally pushed over the edge with multiple stresses – and imagined locking me in a closet for awhile – that was as bad as I could imagine – and I thought, “Forgiven!” No problem. See, I’m fine now. I’m totally fine.

I know how terribly hard life can be, and can imagine it was infinitely worse back in the 50s when wives took a vow before God and all to obey their husbands. And I know I’ve hurt my kids in ways I didn’t mean to when I was exhausted and ran out of patience. I understand imperfection. And I understand forgiveness. Whatever it was that she was so haunted by, I thought, It’s okay, and I wanted her to forgive herself.

I hoped I’d find some private time to tell her, but I never did. We all went on with our lives for years, decades now, and those words were never spoken.

Decades later, I would learn that the campus on which I’d lived the first year-plus of my life was the home of the Society for Investigation of Human Ecology, a front for CIA mind control experiments.

Of course, a generic type of mind control is nearly impossible to avoid in America, but there’s also an intense, Above-Top-Secret version, the subject of two Senate hearings in the 1970s, which resulted in the program being strongly criticized, after which it was not ended, as promised, but simply shifted further outside government accountability into the world of Special Access Projects, part of the nation’s Black Budget.

The subjects of these experiments have been mostly American and Canadian children and adults in certain demographic groups, including military recruits, members of certain churches, orphans, children in Indian schools, members of secret societies, and special bloodlines, among others.

I fit into at least four demographics that come up frequently among other former subjects who remember their mind control. I’m an Eisenhower; my father had done his tour in the Navy; my mother was a “fallen away” Mormon; and my father’s father was a 33^rd degree Mason.

I imagine now my mother reacting, not to a fussy child, but to a child that, through coercion, had been recruited into a government program that she must then cooperate with. Maybe they paid my parents. Maybe they blackmailed them somehow. Maybe they said I’d be serving my nation, and as a benefit I’d be made disciplined, obedient, smart, and successful. Maybe my parents had regrets, but I imagine they had no power to change the course of their agreement with this secret network.

Later, I’d realize something else that might have made me of interest to mind controllers. I was born on July 7, 1952, the seventh day of the seventh month of the year ’52, which adds up to seven. It was a Monday (Moon Day), in the middle of Cancer, also known as Moon Child, on the Full Moon. Not only that, but the time was 4:25 a.m., just 8 minutes before the precise moment of the Full Moon, at 4:33 a.m. That’s within 2/1,000^thsof a degree of perfection. I’ve been told these elements are extremely attractive to Satanists, who are supposedly also involved with secret societies.

child not smiling I assume my parents were innocent victims, like me. I lost two years of my life in amnesia and a lifetime of mental coherence – in exchange for obedience, discipline, and certain sorts of high-level intelligence. And my parents lost their natural relationship with their little daughter.

Virtually no one knew about mind control in America back then. It was a time of great optimism. America was riding high.

I imagine my mother was given the repeated phrase, much like Ewen Cameron gave his MK subjects in the true story and movie, “The Sleep Room“*: “Just tell her: ‘I’ve always said you had a vivid imagination. And you mixed up your dreams with memories.'”

And she said it to herself so many times, it became part of the sing-song trance that kept her going. It was cruel, cruel, cruel, to her and my father, and to me.

* (Entire movie free on YouTube at the link. Hard to watch at points, but important history.)

Be strong. And practice compassion for all of the parents who were coerced.

PS Newest research discovery from Wikileaks:
https://www.wikileaks.org/w/images/AT-june07-Price-PT1.pdf

“The Company Men” – great film to be removed soon from Netflix, and a Happy one!

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slide-001 Recently I read that Netflix will be removing (in a day and a half) 65 movies from its list of streamable films, so I went to see what they were and was surprised to find this excellent film set for removal – perhaps as part of our cultural mind control? (Mustn’t let Americans see too easily how decisions are made in America?)

“The Company Men” is about three upper-level managers (played by Tommy Lee Jones, Chris Cooper, and Ben Affleck) of a company investing in and managing ship yards. When investment choices require moving parts of the industry overseas, all three men have their lives ruined.

Production quality and acting is excellent, though I did wonder about Affleck throwing anger fits he couldn’t control – hard to believe for one who’s made it up the ladder and should have at least learned some diplomatic strategy – but no. Aside from that plot problem, the movie is excellent and beautifully portrays how callous decision-making now ruins lives all over the world, even for some of the very wealthy.

The movie is available for streaming only through December 31, tomorrow! Hope you take the time to enjoy it.

One other movie recently discovered is “Happy” (which is available to play at this link). Winner of many awards, it investigates what makes people happy – all over the world – and is stunning in the beauty and simplicity which make some people quite content and happy with their lives – with some huge surprises.

One of those surprises relates to the issues we’re all interested in here: abuse and lost memories recovered. That’s all I’ll say. It’s good for the heart. Please watch it.

Love to you all in the New Year,

Jean

Healing a Little Girl in Meditation

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Time to return to meditation

Approach: Imagine my True Self a still vessel watching all the thoughts.

(I’ve always known I was supposed to watch my thoughts, but I’d never thought of the part of me who is the still vessel watching – except once. I did a meditation by Stephen LaBerge that blew my mind in a delightful way: at the end of his 15-minute recorded meditation, he asked, Who is aware? – which surprised me so much, I printed a bunch of little slips of paper with the question on it, and posted them on all the mirrors. But, over the years, some other part of me has continued resisting sitting down to meditate.)

New experience! I see a child rolling around in place at an impossible rate, super-human speed, just round and round and round endlessly like a swarm of gnats. She could not be touched, and I knew she was the part of me that had been tortured and was still running from her fears.

My writer self would, of course, want to observe, feel, think, and carefully document. My part that’s been given instructions on how to meditate says, “Just observe and let it go.” My healer self says, We’ve never seen this before. It is a blessed opportunity. This child is in pain. Let’s step in. This is even the point of this meditation: this awareness.

The little girl could not be touched or calmed at first. Any approach, and she rolled away, always away. We wanted to calm and assure her, but she could not be touched.

A ray of calming energy was shot into her, allowing us to put our hands gently on her upper arms. She could feel us, and she relaxed.

Two other meditation techniques used at the same time: To relax each part of the body, one at a time, and to recognize the part of me that is the witness. While relaxing my face and beginning to relax my throat, that was when I saw the little girl rolling, and it led that quickly to its resolution. Thank Goodness.

Thank All You who read this blog.

Blessings on your meditations. May they be healing to you.

Friday Foundation: On Violence, Past Lives, Womb Wounds, What it Means

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Past-life sex priestess…Womb wounds…What it means

I have quite a few memories of past lives, from a young sensual woman during a period of ease and abundance on the African savanna, to a teen girl in romance in Scotland, a young girl child on a farm somewhere in feudal Europe, a woman burned at the stake, a just-deceased Euro-American pioneer mother wife to a Native man hated by her parents who tortured him to death, a woman in Cochise’s tribe at the time they were told they’d be removed from their land by train and taken away, and more.

Some say “past lives” are not our past lives necessarily, perhaps just anyone’s, and I won’t argue, because I don’t know. I’ll only say these all felt like a past life, a memory, complete with emotions and contextual knowledge that I’d not known before but seemed to feel throughout my body and which were familiar and somehow part of me. But I’m willing to agree they could all be someone else’s life, never mine in any strict sense, thought for some reason I connected with them and felt a flash of their life. In any case, they are instructive.

In one life, I was a sex priestess in a temple of white marble, flowing with wonderfully heated waters. I knew I was very fortunate, one of the most fortunate in all the land. I lived in luxury. I consorted with only the most refined of men. I experienced ecstasy constantly. I may have also had the responsibility to heal men returned from war, as some have recounted – and it seems right – but at the moment of my flashback, I was impressed only by the beauty and technique we’d developed in raising our art to higher and higher refinements. It was a day of perfection in an environment of every sort of beauty and delight. Daylight fell through open spaces above, naturally lighting the walls and floor of white wet marble crossed by a long steaming pool.

There was enough texture on the marble for me to walk comfortably across it to a doorway where I turned and found myself nearly face-to-face with two men in conversation. I knew them. They’d both been entertained as consorts at one time but had not been chosen, because their ways didn’t adapt to our refinements. They were secretly, quietly enraged, I realized as I met their eyes, and I was instantly shocked and afraid. They were plotting to force huge changes on our world.

They planned to upset the entire system, take it out of the hands of women, and get sex whenever they wanted. They were stronger, after all, and there was no reason why they couldn’t. They only had to demonstrate to other men the power that could be had if they’d only take it. Far more men had been rejected than accepted, therefore they were the majority. They would spread the word, convince men the women could not longer tell them no. They could do it. They would do it. They would pump their seed into as many women as they wanted.

No one had ever treated women like that, at least not that we knew of in our refined world. It was a shocking and abhorrent idea – men being violent to women! But in that moment, seeing those eyes, I knew how badly their souls hurt from the rejection we’d been inconsiderate of. In that moment, I knew we’d failed. Our refinements had not included sensitivity to their disappointment, and it had been graver than we’d imagined. It had seriously wounded at least one and turned into something vile. He hated all women because of us. And now he wanted to hurt very badly all the women of the world.

I felt great sorrow for him in that first moment, to realize and feel his pain – that we’d neglected – but I also felt real fear, to see that he’d transformed his pain into active, righteous, empowering anger which he had every intention of carrying out, to prove his manhood. Not right there and then, but later, in a more far-reaching way. I had no skills in dealing with courseness, and I shrunk back.

This memory came back just now – probably triggered by the wounds I’m currently experiencing. And it caused me to count, for the first time, all the wounds I’ve suffered to my womb throughout my life.

First, I was sexually abused repeatedly as a child and put on stage in sex shows by a psychopathic conspiracy that practiced mind control. I saw my stretched-out genitals at age thirteen and have never forgotten the image or my dumb shock. I never looked at myself again for my years, or thought about it; my brain simply froze in a variation of “This does not compute” and then reset my attention onto something else.

When I was a young married woman, I became very worried for a couple of weeks when my husband and brother decided to drive across the country and return with a kilo of marijuana to supply our currently dry county. The night before they were to leave, I became so sick that their plants were cancelled. We ended up in the Emergency Room where I had emergency exploratory surgery. My ailment turned out, not surprisingly, to be “nothing.” But when the surgeon removed my stitches one week later, my incision gaped open, which he taped back with bandaids. They didn’t work well and left me with a long, warbling, wide vertical scar down my belly.

When I gave birth to my son, my first child, the doctors did something wrong with the pitocin they used to induce my labor (unnecessarily) and put my baby into shock, slowing his heart rate, then they gave me another drug which stopped my labor after they’d broken my water – all this when I knew I wasn’t even overdue. I’d told them I wasn’t due for another few weeks, but in the end I submitted – as I’ve been programmed to do.

I was in danger. All day I labored futilely because, not due yet, my hormones had not yet cued the chemicals to make the plates of my pelvis spread and become flexible, so my son’s head got stuck. They couldn’t push or pull him back, because it would break his neck. That ruled out a Caesarian. They tried all their techniques, and I was fatiguing. To “help,” they put a gas mask on my face (and soon tied my hands out to my sides to keep me from trying to remove it), gave me extra oxygen, and forced me to sleep between contractions with some sort of short-acting gas. (What this did to my baby, I wonder.) Then, a minute or so later when another contraction came on, they woke me up with a different gas when it was time to push again.

I tried to get natural air by scrunching up my face to make a gap in the side of the mask, which worked just once, and then someone came to hold it on my face, hard.

The next time I was awake, they told me they were going to use a vacuum extractor. In all my Lamaze classes, I’d never heard of it used for birth, only as a tool for doing abortions, so I thought they were going to pull my baby out in pieces to save my life. But, of course, I couldn’t ask any questions.

The doctors’ hands were too big, so they stopped and he explained he was going to cut the wall between my vagina and my rectum, so the he could get his hands around my son’s head. My life was being saved. At the sound and numb sensation of scissors cutting through my intimate flesh, I fell unconscious again.

I might have realized then that I was giving birth, but with uppers and downers flashing through my bloodstream every few minutes (and my baby’s!), I didn’t process information well, and still thought they were performing tough-decision, rescue-a-life surgery – as I pushed and they cut and gave orders and worked frantically under bright lights while I struggled on my back with limbs spread to the four directions.

When a nurse tapped me on the arm and said, “You have a baby boy,” I answered, “I have a baby?”

He was in a coma, but would come out of it in 30 minutes, and immediately yank the wires and sensors off his chest and, thankfully, begin a normal life.

My mother worried that I’d have problems from the surgery but, miraculously, I healed perfectly. My second womb wound, invisible to all but my gynecologists.

In my second marriage, I had an ectopic pregnancy and needed emergency surgery again. The doctors “saved my life” once more, but left me with a horizontal scar, which healed weirdly. Three. Those are the explainable ones.

Around the age of 50, during an era when I was experiencing strange events that seemed like “alien abductions,” my partner and I were beginning intercourse when I realized I could not stand to be touched inside. I investigated and found my g-spot had been sliced deeply from back to front and twice from side to side, cutting it into six squarish pieces which hung where one normal half-spherical g-spot had been. And the gaps between them – including the slice right up the middle where a partner’s finger would naturally curl – could not be touched. The cuts were deep and, it seemed, down to major nerves. Three more cuts makes six.

One night, driving home from a women’s spirituality gathering, my Volkswagen van’s lights went out and I coasted to a stop. It seemed like a half-hour that I sat at the wheel, telling myself to walk back to the gas station to call my partner, but I couldn’t move. When I snapped out of my trance and drove home, I thought I was a half-hour late, but my partner was nearly frantic because I was over two hours late returning.

When we tried to have intercourse the next morning, I experienced a new sort of pain – not painful to the touch, but when either of us tried to stretch my tissues even a bit. It felt as though I had something inside my g-spot, above the cut. It would make sex impossible for years. Seven womb wounds.

(That afternoon, I blew a large blot clot out of my nose, something I’ve never done before or since. The malfunctioning lights, immobilization, missing time, and nasal blood clot are all classic symptoms of “alien abduction,” which some people think is a cover memory for CIA abduction.)

Years later, in relationship with a photographer, I would convince him to take a photograph of my insides, and I saw for myself – and am now able to prove to others – that I’ve been both cut and punctured – by someone with the power to make me amnesic.

These days, I sometimes wake up with what seem to be injection bruises on my thighs, other bruises, healed scars, Taser burns, and even biopsy scoop marks – all making me quite sure I’m still being used at night as an amnesic subject for who-knows-what.

And every now and then I also wake up with irritations I don’t think I should have, given my habits: I wake with a sensation that I’ve been inoculated with something, and the inoculators chose to do their work on my anus – where I’m far less likely to photograph it for posting online! Other times I get reactions there as if I’ve been inoculated with a new strain of herpes. (The first strain I got by my own promiscuity, so I know the difference between my original strain, which faded away long ago, and the new ones (which swell badly) which I suddenly get “out of the blue,” even when I’ve been abstinent – at least in my conscious life.)

It’s tough to be an experimental subject of mind controllers and/or aliens. It’s’ too flippin’ weird to think about very much, and too weird to tell others. They don’t want to hear. Or sometimes they laugh, and I know they been influenced by cultural cartoons. So I keep it all to myself, socially. I live a lie. Unnecessarily.

Because, it’s not really weird at all. It makes perfect sense if we can get over the alien cartoons we’ve all been subjected to.

Extra-dimensional beings – recognized in every culture except modern America (the most mind-controlled nation on Earth) – have always been involved with humans, according to every ancient history and religion of every culture on the planet.

Just as humans have always domesticated animals and today abduct wild ones from the forest to tag and study, so do aliens do the same to us. Just as 18mqxydmchb61jpg the CIA and military and other elements experiment on unwitting soldiers, orphans, and other less-regarded groups, so do certain aliens (and CIA and military, most likely with them) experiment on us. It’s really not strange at all. It’s what humans do. We have no grounds to call it strange or impossible.

And those of us who give them trouble? Even if we think we have every right to object, they re-assign us to worse experiments.

I was thinking about all this tonight, reflecting that I’m in very good health – with a few exceptions. My weaknesses skeleton-hand-holding-anatomical-red-heart-free-tee-design-s are my heart – probably a result of all the electroshock used on me as a child in mind control programming. My jaw is extremely tight – probably a result of living with a command all my life to not tell – which affects my neck and upper back. And then there’s my intimate areas – all hacked up.

I wondered aloud to my partner whether I had any karma to clear – or whether I was being tracked by some malevolent spirit who’d somehow, maybe accidentally, attached to me in some past life. Perhaps my mind control programmers – some with Satanic bents, I’ve read – drew in an evil and particularly vicious spirit which attached to me.

Of course, it could also just be an unfortunate coincidence that happened to fall to me. Things do happen in clusters sometimes….

Then I thought of the sex priestess.

I wondered if the man in the temple might even be following me through lifetimes, controlling the minds and hands of doctors and others, and these seven wounds are his handiwork? Or maybe he’s long gone, but his activism set a course of history, and I’m just one of many still suffering.

My response? Hatred? Sure, I’ve felt hatred sometimes for whomever it is dogging me, making my life so very difficult to live at times, driving me to the edge of absolute despair time and again.

Then I remembered my ancient sorrow for the man, and I wondered if, in all my lifetimes, I ever said I’m sorry to him. Having only the fleetingest scraps of remembrance, I don’t know, so I’ll assume I didn’t and say it now: I’m so very sorry.

Perhaps this is why I’ve been so concerned with men all of my life. I feel strongly for their pain in this culture which won’t let boys cry, and tells men they must always be strong. I feel like I’ve always had an intuition about their secret wounds and a lot of compassion for men, even when other women love to criticize, laugh at, and even hate them.

Once, in grade school, I made a boy cry, and I’ve never forgotten the pain in his eyes, and I deeply regret it. (Blessings on your now.)

This bruise showed up ten days after another very similar showed up on the back of my leg. No explanation except: ongoing violence by my controllers done while I’m made amnesic.

I’m getting very tired of life, and, at 62, with occasional spells of heart problems that make me so weak, I can’t do much, I’ve often thought I was certainly close to passing over.

But I keep living, and I wonder what I am supposed to do. Fight the torturing controllers? Make things difficult for them? Document them? Submit to them? (crosses my mind now and then) Or say I’m sorry?

Is there anything that makes sense for me to do, that has something to do with the fact that I’ve seen the darkest underbelly of civilization?

My body tells me something my mind could never grok when I went to church and studied theology in college: Satan and his demons are loose on this Earth. We’ve been lied to about it, and tricked with cute cartoons to make us not see, so the evil does unacknowledged.

Screen Shot 2014-04-05 at 7.41.25 PM This is not a religious belief.
It is carved into my body.

Last week I was “up,” and I’ll be up again in a day or two, but really: What is there to do at this point in my life that makes sense?

Ah! …I have another past-lifetime flashback – just recalled! It’s a connection (described fully here), with Anais Nin, a writer.

Oh! And she was also (how could I forget?) a sexual scandal in her day, but for the purpose of appreciating the parallel, I’ll call her as a sex priestess of a sort. Ex-patriot in Paris in the 40s, lover of Henry Miller and others, pornographer when she needed money.

Anais and I write a lot alike – self-indulgent some might say, I say introspective and useful. But, actually, I can’t read her writing! I’ve read a lot about her and have a few books that include her writing, but when I’ve tried to read her (one paragraph is as far as I’ve ever gotten, even in a book I loved and read every other word of, voraciously), I literally shivered in humiliation and had to quit. (One day I hope to read more, but I’m tired of trying for now.)

So, given I am a writer, somehow connected to another powerful writer, born into this Darkness, what am I to do? I must write. So I do, and I speak when invited. Few want to hear it. Still, it’s my job.

So, there you go, Friends. I’m very sorry to bring you a reminder of this Darkness. But because I have, we now have a chance to deal with it, right? That’s the good part. It’s our greatest survival need: to see properly our surroundings. Right?

Then what? Fight? Dance? I say: “Aikido!” Or maybe all three.

And call on Cosmic Help – whomever that is for you. (I feel deep connection with Christ, though not Christianity.)

If we see our world clearly together – despite their efforts to keep us in the dark, we can act in greater unison and power.

And so I share these difficult things with you – for our communal enlightenment.

Thank you for being courageous enough to hear.

Government Complicity in Violence Against Activists

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From the “Top 25 Stories of 2014 Subjected to Press Censorship” – with my story and response – JE

7. FBI Dismisses Murder Plot against Occupy as NSA Cracks Down on Dissent (For full story, click here)

In October 2011, when the Occupy movement arrived in Houston, protesters were subject to local and federal surveillance, infiltration by police provocateurs, and police assault. Months later, a document obtained in December 2012 from the Houston FBI office shows that the agency was aware of a plot to assassinate Occupy movement leaders—and did nothing about it. And in Arizona, law enforcement collaborated with JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon divulging Occupy plans. The CEO claimed he was simply avoiding possible protests, and local law enforcement was happy to help. Government documents from the National Security Agency and other government offices revealed a grim mosaic of ‘counter-terrorism’ operations and negative attitudes toward activists and other citizens.

Sources: Dave Lindorff, “FBI Document—‘[DELETED]’ Plots to Kill Occupy Leaders’,” WhoWhatWhy article, June 27, 2013. Beau Hodai, “Dissent or Terror,” Center for Media and Democracy’s SourceWatch/DBA Press, May 2013. Alex Kane, “How America’s National Security Apparatus—in Partnership With Big Corporations—Cracked Down on Dissent,” AlterNet report, May 21, 2013.

I used to be a radical activist, and I’m here to say it’s not for the naive, or for mind control subjects.

Thank Goodness, I only went to jail twice (for civil disobedience both times), but in 1992, I was Tasered while in the Durango Jail (during a peaceful drumming-and-dancing protest against Amoco drilling in critical Elk habitat) and have no memory of most of the afternoon or any of the evening. I was woken up near midnight and made to sit in a chair for hours while they pretended to be processing me out, but all they did was wake me every time I fell asleep. After that I remember sleeping, huddled, very cold, on a hard floor because they released me at 4 am and lied that no one had left me any message or phone number to call, so I had no idea where to go in the unfamiliar town, and it was very cold outdoors in Durango at that dark hour, even in the summer. I remember someone finding me and leading me out, but I don’t remember the breakfast where I was told we all met that morning.

Two years earlier, I’d wanted to do activist media work like Judi Bari; then she was car-bombed in an assassination attempt that a jury trial would later find the FBI guilty of numerous crimes related to the assassination attempt: not investigating it, slandering the activists who survived, and other charges. Judi was terribly wounded and needed a wheelchair the rest of her shortened life.

The year before that, two friends were framed by an agent who pretended to be on our side. He and an informer had been in our house on a number of occasions, pretending to be friends. A second FBI informer we’d seen at a gathering once; on trial, he talked about thinking of “pulling a Rambo” and gunning down all of us.

My friend, Peg Millet, a horse whisperer and defender of sacred places, went to prison for five years because the agent egged her on to commit an act against a nuclear power plant (rather than the symbolic act against a water pumping station in the wilderness), and even though she rejected his ideas repeatedly, just “conversing” with him was enough to be found guilty of nuclear terrorism!

It’s a mixed comfort to read the item at top for confirmation that someone notices and will report that we are all treated horrifically (it’s not just me!) just for demanding that certain laws be obeyed – laws that defend life on Earth.

The third-degree Taser burn I woke with one morning while finishing up my first video about mind control in 2010.

My story is far from unique and could probably be matched a thousand times or more by people across this nation, working on labor, race, education, surveillance, health, and many other issues.

And this is just one of “25 Top Stories” of stuff going all wrong in this nation. Check out the stories that the Media is not telling you. I dare you. ;}

Need to Scream… Memory…. Ah…

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First journaling in a while. Feel like I need to scream. Been worrying about how to read the signs (since I sometimes avoid prayer and contemplation – some programming that hits sometimes) especially when things go wrong like they have today.

I realize: All the “figuring” is a very basic part of my mind control; I need, instead, to remember during hard times to listen to the quiet things, use my intuition. And I need to rout out the programming that tells me I don’t have time for prayer and contemplation.

AND NOW I GET IT: “Rise and shine! Up and at ‘em! Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!” – the waking I received from my mother nearly every morning of my life, the same three always-cheerful commands, every day, one after the other – was a major part of my programming – delivered by my handler-mom – of course, programmed herself.

telling me: Take no time for reflection, no time for yourself.

NO.

I will not do that anymore. Rise and shine. Up and at ’em. Bright-eyed and Bushy-Tailed. It never occurred to me that it was part of my programming, but I think now that it was. Work. Work. Work.

My mother’s father was killed when she was eight, during the Great Depression. Her parents were working as itinerant farm worker and construction worker. Now a penniless widow, her mother leased an ice cream sidewalk store, became famous for her sandwiches on fresh homemade bread, and parlayed it all into a successful restaurant and bakery with dining room, patio, walk-up window, and conference rooms. She catered to a group of bankers and developers, one of whom treated her like a mind control slave. While she worked to build the business, my mother and her sister spent a lot of time with their Mormon uncles.

I remember him coming to walk with her every day at a prescribed time. My mother was impressed about this, as I heard her speak of it a couple of times. Each day, my grandmother sat in view of the front door when he was due and rose immediately, cutting off conversation when he appeared. “And she never has told anyone what he says to her,” my mother remarked, as if this was impressive and not disturbing. Once, we walked with her to meet him, but he said little or nothing to us and walked straight away with my grandmother.

The programming: Give yourself no time for contemplation. We will give you precepts and our logic derived from them, and teach you how to prioritize and organize.

I think I’m doing better than most Americans because I don’t buy their consumerism, politics, or religion, but I’m still programmed to be productive and not waste time – which sounds like a good thing, but robs us of contemplation.

That’s why I’ve felt like screaming. Seven stressors hit in the last two weeks, and I kept my cool and performed on Sunday. Monday, I was tired, but I was so bothered by the desk piled high and our desire to post a recording that I forced myself ahead and had dreams all night long about my most un-fun subject: aliens. All night long. That’s a first. Then today, I worked hard on my home refinancing, and at the end of the day I was ready to scream. Actually, I had a response I’ve had a few times in my life, when anxiety is very high: like screaming, throwing up, and falling-down all at once.

But it’s been good, because a see a new aspect of the Big Lie now: Productivity. I think I was put into a number of programs, one of which was to be highly productive and manage complicated tasks. It’s been useful. But it has also made me so tightly focused when I work it’s hard to be social, as I need to switch parts, which is doable, but sometimes slow and awkward. I feel like a fancy experimental race car with a phenomenal engine and a tricky transmission.

But I’m healing that transmission, little by little. It’s been a bumpy road with set-backs when I’ve felt worse rather than better, but mostly I know I’m better, despite days like today. Today was a hard lesson day. I learned the consequence of taking on too much. Again.

I should never push that hard, unless it’s really important. I have to take care of my heart and whole health. So I need to make more than a commitment.

I need to change things in my environment to support my commitment, so that I have constant reinforcement to evolve, change, or rout out the programming and habit of my lifetime.

From now on, each morning I will give myself time in bed to record my dreams and thoughts, and decide what’s most important. I’ll take time to listen for any alters’ opinions, so no one’s left out and everyone’s needs are met. (That way, no one needs to act out to get attention, or have a heart attack, or get sick or depressed.) We’ll find our center, cooperate better, and not get confused so readily.

Morning will be sacred time, for being still. Productivity will just have to wait.

When I rise, I’ll walk slowly to heat my turmeric tea. I’ll sit in the most comfortable place in the house.

I’ll make myself a new journal with nice, functional paper (not these one-side-already-used recycled sheets others would throw away, but something that will honor my words) inside a beautiful, meaningful cover. I’ll keep a nice bed shawl nearby and pillow for my neck.

Ah….

The scream has gone.

I’ll return again to listening to my Wise Self and break another bit of programming. Back to Center.

Blessings on You All ~

Defeating the Violence of Psychiatry

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Reposted from: http://warisacrime.org/content/defeating-violence-psychiatry
By Robert J. Burrowes – Posted on 12 September 2014

As the movement to abolish psychiatry continues to gather momentum – see ‘On Antipsychiatry’ – it is worth reviewing its delusional foundation, the history of its violence and its function as a weapon of elite social control.

Psychiatry is based on a delusional conception of how the human mind works and what is needed in order to assist it to function optimally when it is not doing so. This is because the purpose of psychiatry, with the complicity of other professions in the ‘mental health’ field and the incredibly profitable pharmaceutical industry, as well as the support of the legal system and the corporate media in promoting this violence, has always been about profits and elite social control, not restoring the health of the ailing individual.

The human mind consists of many interacting components. These include sensory capacities (such as sight, hearing and touch), feelings (such as thirst, hunger, nausea and physical pain), memory, ‘truth register’, intuition, conscience, more feelings (such as fear, happiness, emotional pain, joy, anger, satisfaction, sadness and sexual arousal), and intellect.

Each of these capacities is separately important but, in a healthy individual, it is their integrated functioning that is used to crystallize the appropriately precise behavioral option in any given circumstance. If any one of these capacities is not functioning as evolution intended, the individual will suffer accordingly and this might result in a dysfunctional behavioral outcome as well.

Dysfunctional behavior is caused by terrorizing an individual during childhood so that the integrated functioning of their mind is impeded. This occurs when you inflict ‘visible’, ‘invisible’ and ‘utterly invisible’ violence on a child in order to make them do what you want. This violence forces the child to suppress their awareness of the mental processes, especially the feelings, that generated the original and functional behavior so that they can comply with your violence. But their obedience comes at the price of their increased dysfunctionality in the future. For a full explanation of this, see ‘Why Violence?’ and ‘Fearless Psychology and Fearful Psychology: Principles and Practice’.

However, if instead of identifying and addressing the violent social conditions that lead to emotional and behavioural dysfunction, we attribute any dysfunctionalities to a supposed ‘diseased brain’, ‘flawed genes’ or a ‘chemical imbalance in the brain’, then we open the door to psychiatric violence under the label ‘treatment’. See, for example, Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America, ‘Psychocracy and Community’ and ‘12 Shocking Facts About the Dangers of Psychiatric Drugs’. And this psychiatric violence has catastrophic consequences for society. For some insight into the nature and extent of these consequences – which include dramatically increased violence, suicide and criminal behaviour – see the work of Dr Peter R. Breggin – ‘the conscience of psychiatry’ – whose research includes his ‘probing critique of the psychopharmaceutical complex’. See Medication Madness: The Role of Psychiatric Drugs in Cases of Violence, Suicide, and Crimeand The Conscience of Psychiatry: The Reform Work of Peter R. Breggin, MD.

In fact, according to the lengthy research of Peter Gøtzsche, MD, in the USA ‘prescription drugs are the third leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer’ and it ‘is inescapable that their availability creates more harm than good’. See ‘On Pharma, Corruption, and Psychiatric Drugs’ and ‘Deadly Medicines and Organised Crime: How Big Pharma Has Corrupted Health Care’. And according to Dr Philip Hickey ‘all psychiatric drugs operate by creating a pathological state within the organism… [They] are toxic in and of themselves regardless of dosage.’ See ‘The Use of Neuroleptic Drugs As Chemical Restraints’.

According to the ‘bible’ of the American Psychiatric Association (APA), the ‘Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders’ (the DSM), there are roughly 300 officially certified and distinct ‘mental disorders’. But there are no defining physical tests to diagnose any of them. However, given the publication of the DSM is worth over $5 million a year to the APA, historically totalling over $100 million, there is little organisational interest in validity. See ‘Not Diseases, but Categories of Suffering’ .

In fact, as Dr Bonnie Burstow has pointed out: ‘while psychiatry has been claiming for a very long time that people who are “disordered” have chemical imbalances and frequently reiterate that imbalances have been found, the reality is that no imbalances have ever been established for a single “mental illness”. By contrast, the various treatments of psychiatry (e.g., the drugs, electroshock) have been demonstrated to create illness.’ See ‘On Antipsychiatry’.

In short, there is no scientific basis for psychiatry and this is occasionally admitted even by prominent psychiatrists. See, for example, ‘Psychiatry Now Admits It’s Been Wrong in Big Ways – But Can It Change?’ In fact, on 29 April 2013, the highest ranking federal ‘mental health’ official in the USA, Thomas Insel, stated that ‘While DSM has been described as a “Bible” for the field, it is, at best, a dictionary, creating a set of labels and defining each…. The weakness is its lack of validity. Unlike our definitions of ischemic heart disease, lymphoma, or AIDS, the DSM diagnoses are based on a consensus about clusters of clinical symptoms, not any objective laboratory measure.’ And in a candid moment some years earlier, Allen Frances, the lead editor of the fourth edition of the DSM, highlighted the real depth of the problem: ‘there is no definition of a mental disorder. It’s bullshit. I mean, you just can’t define it’. See ‘Inside the Battle to Define Mental Illness’.

But such occasional candid admissions do not lead to change for several reasons: many individual psychiatrists are ignorant of their own ignorance (simply believing, as most people have been terrorised into believing, what they were taught at school and in subsequent training courses) and, of course, institutional forces and profits ensure that such comments are suppressed by the psychiatric, pharmaceutical and media industries ensuring that they do not get through to the public.

Tragically, psychiatry has long been used to inflict violence on targeted populations. See ‘Political Abuse of Psychiatry – An Historical Overview’. Perhaps the best known of these historical examples were the use of psychiatry to justify and help perpetrate the euthanasia programs of the Nazi regime – see ‘Psychiatry during the Nazi era: ethical lessons for the modern professional’ – and the violence within the Soviet Gulag: see ‘Political Abuse of Psychiatry in the Soviet Union and in China: Complexities and Controversies’. But a more recent version of this type of psychiatric violence was the Federal Violence Initiative started in the US in 1992. According to Dr John Breeding: ‘This initiative includes ongoing “research” into the supposed biological basis of inner-city violence and includes proposals for biomedical social control. The US government asks “Are Black People Genetically Violent?” and plans a psychiatric screening program which would lead to mass drugging of innocent inner-city children, the vast majority of whom are young people of color.’ See The Necessity of Madness and Unproductivity: Psychiatric Oppression or Human Transformation.

However, the violence of psychiatry is now at epidemic proportions given its dramatic expansion in recent decades. It includes experiments conducted on unknowing military personnel and soaring soldier and veteran suicides because of use of psychiatric drugs – see ‘The Hidden Enemy: Inside Psychiatry’s Covert Agenda’ – complicity in the development of torture techniques for use on political prisoners – see ‘The Story of Mitchell Jessen & Associates: How a Team of Psychologists in Spokane, WA, Helped Develop the CIA’s Torture Techniques’ – the use of psychiatric violence to force false confessions from prisoners of war – see‘U.S. Drugged Detainees to Obtain FALSE Confessions’ – the use of psychiatry to imprison political activists – see ‘Are People Being Thrown Into Psychiatric Wards For Their Political Views?’ – the psychiatric definition of people who have a personal viewpoint at variance with elite interests – labelled ‘oppositional defiant disorder’ (ODD) – as mentally ill – see ‘Psychiatrists now say non-conformity is a mental illness: only the sheeple are “sane”’ – and now the violent psychiatric ‘management’ of children – see ‘The Proactive Search for Mental Illnesses in Children’ (part one) and (part two) – and even babies: see ‘Watchdog Says Report of 10,000 Toddlers on ADHD Drugs Tip of the Iceberg – 274,000 0-1 Year Olds and 370,000 Toddlers Prescribed Psychiatric Drugs’.

Of course, pregnant women and nursing mothers don’t escape psychiatric violence either although groups such as ‘Moms & Meds’campaign to raise awareness of the health and death risks from psychiatric ‘medication’ to the mother and unborn child. And, as you no doubt expect by now, older people, predominantly women, aren’t spared drugging and electroshocking either. Fortunately, in the USA, once a person reaches 65 their electroshocking is paid for by the government which means that, at this age, the number of people diagnosed as requiring electroshocking jumps enormously! See The Necessity of Madness and Unproductivity: Psychiatric Oppression or Human Transformation.

But if you think drugging pregnant women, children and babies is bad, did you know that psychiatrists still electroshock children as well? And ‘electroconvulsive therapy’ is ‘never necessary’, damages the brain, always causes memory loss and sometimes kills! See ‘Electroshocking Children: Why It Should Be Stopped’. Obviously, psychiatrists should not be electroshocking adults either and some organisations actively campaign to end this practice too. See, for example, The Coalition for the Abolition of Electroshock in Texas.

And, of course, psychosurgery, in which ‘a small piece of brain is destroyed or removed’ – ‘irreversible brain mutilation’ as it has been called – is still performed in many countries despite the very long campaign to get it stopped. See, for example, the 1982 article ‘The Return of Lobotomy and Psychosurgery’. ‘In lobotomy and psychosurgery parts of the brain that show no demonstrable disease are nonetheless mutilated or cut out in order to affect the individual’s emotions and personal conduct.’ Despite its horror history, recent ‘justifications’ for ‘irreversible brain mutilation’ are readily found.

The bottom line is this: Most psychiatrists, like most people, are terrified of listening to your feelings (and especially when they are driving dysfunctional behaviour and might need considerable time for healing to occur). This is the inevitable outcome of being terrified of feeling their own feelings. Feelings won’t hurt you; suppressing your awareness of them with drugs, electroshocking or other violence will. Feelings are a vital part of the information your body gives you; feeling these feelings is the way you heal from traumas (great or small) and a vital source of information about what you need to do.

If, like me, you are nauseated by the cowardice and violence of the psychiatrists, doctors, other ‘mental health professionals’ and the pharmaceutical industry personnel who so readily damage our emotional health for the sake of elite social control and personal profit, then you have a simple choice: you can choose to never consult a psychiatrist or other ‘mental health professional’ and you can choose to never subject your child to their violence either. And if you are forced into involuntary psychiatric ‘care’, you can choose to remain silent and pursue avenues for being released.

In the end, even if they forcibly drug you, you have a considerable chance of making a full recovery from this (hopefully short-term) violence. (For expert assistance in withdrawing from psychiatric drugs, check out Gerson Therapy, Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal: A Guide for Prescribers, Therapists, Patients and their Families, Point of Return and the International Coalition for Drug Awareness) Unfortunately, recovery from the brain damage that results from forced electroshocking is far less likely – but for an inspirational account by someone who did survive and fully recover from psychiatric violence, including brain electrocution, you can read Ronald Bassman’s evocative account ‘Never Give Up’ – and recovery from psychosurgery is effectively impossible.

You might also consider joining the movement to abolish psychiatry – see, for example, opportunities outlined in ‘On Fighting Institutional Psychiatry With the “Attrition Model”’ – as well as signing the online pledge of the worldwide movement to end all violence ‘The People’s Charter to Create a Nonviolent World’.

Some people have argued that psychiatry should be reformed. But any experienced nonviolent activist knows that psychiatry, like other manifestations of violence (such as domestic violence, economic exploitation, slavery, ecological destruction and war) cannot be ‘reformed’. We must work for abolition.

Finally, value your emotional health extremely highly. An empathic listener can help you feel your way through those times when you need to feel the sadness, pain, fear, anger and other valuable feelings that evolution gave you to enable a full recovery from the inevitable traumas of life. (Although the information is directed at soldiers who have been traumatised by war, the process as outlined in this article applies to anyone who needs emotional support to recover from difficult life experiences, however ‘trivial’: see ‘An Open Letter to Soldiers with “Mental Health” Issues’.)

If you don’t allow yourself to feel and express the so-called ‘negative’ feelings, you will soon find that your emotional responses to the joys of life will be unconsciously suppressed too.

And life without feelings is not life: it is ‘flatlining’.

***

Biodata: Robert has a lifetime commitment to understanding and ending human violence. He has done extensive research since 1966 in an effort to understand why human beings are violent and has been a nonviolent activist since 1981. He is the author of‘Why Violence?’ His email address is flametree@riseup.net and his website is here.

Friday Random Beauty: Dar’s Orb

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I’ve come to believe ancient tales of faeries and contemporary tales of orbs and such.

I have no personal experience of faeries myself, but I have a number of friends who either secretly or publicly admit to relationships with them.

And of course, I love (and wrote about here) best-selling author Peter Thompkin’s Secret Life of Nature: Living in Harmony with the Hidden World of Nature Spirits from Fairies to Quarks, which encouraged me to quit being such a dang “productive” person all the time and learn to just sit and listen in my garden, which I do more now, but not quite enough. Still, last fall, I had an experience with a spirit in a tree (sprite?) which I’ve written about but haven’t yet chosen to publish. Perhaps soon.

I did have one experience with an orb once, about the size of a basketball, which suddenly appeared while I was driving near my home in the country. It was bouncing around chaotically about twenty feet ahead of me, to the right of the road, between four feet and fifteen feet from the ground. While I watched gape-mouthed and clutched the steering wheel, it bounced around for 5-10 seconds – then disappeared.

So when Dar told me this story, of course I believed her, and she shared this photo with me.

She was walking in nature and came upon an old concrete wall and well that had been long-abandoned. She had her camera ready to take a photo of the well, when suddenly this orb zipped into the frame, and she captured it!

May we all be open to Magic and Goodness, no matter whether – or maybe especially because – we’re also dogged by unpleasant things.

Minimalist Activist-Artist – MAA

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I guess I shouldn’t use the word hippie anymore. It has way too many meanings. Like alien. Useless.

Besides, things evolve. And I suddenly realized I felt a need to tell someone that I’m – and here’s where I realized I needed a better phrase than “old hippie,” and I hit upon – a “minimalist activist-artist” (MAA).

Here’s my definition of a MAA: We were swept up by the inspiration that life was to be lived.

We weren’t sure how long the world’s systems would survive, as we’d trained as children to kneel under our desks, preparing for the world’s destruction. Then we saw cartoons of business men running on treadmills or rat wheels, and I felt I understood, even as a child.

We were warned that if we didn’t work harder and contribute into the system, we’d be hard pressed to live much above poverty level, but we didn’t really believe the system was sustainable, so why invest in it? Besides, the alternatives looked so appealing.

We wanted to go back to the land, work with the cycles of nature, touch plants and animals, create something tangible, useful, and beautiful that would benefit the world into the future. We tried to do that. Some were successful.

But some of us were blown off our centers, fragile as we were as young adults in mind-controlled America. We met up with cons and other dangerous people. We had experiences that changed us forever.

Both my partner and I, before we met, began building our own homes by hand with hopes for the country life, family, and friends nearby, and gardens to feed and heal us. With dreams underway, both our spouses – good people – connected up with aggressive cocaine dealers, who helped them maneuver our children (all around the ages at which mind control programming is begun) away from us, mine for two years (exactly the length of time for typical programming), and his for the remainder of their childhoods. Was this itself a program? To “get” to our children? Or just a coincidence?

My memoir, RattleSnake Fire – and my life – is filled with disturbing weirdness like this. And a few events are so terrifying I’ve never told them to anyone or even written them down. (Having my children stolen, as shocking as that is, is not the scariest thing that’s happened to me.) All together, it’s blown my life sideways and made it difficult to accomplish either my own dreams or social demands.

Besides not being inspired to follow the rat race, I wonder if I’m at fault in other ways. Psychologically speaking, I know my parents never had any expectations of me except that I marry a college-educated man. When I ran away from home and eventually became a divorced single-mother back in college (in Radio-TV, hoping to do radio reporting for a radical news station), their greatest hope was that I’d graduate to be a weather girl.

All my life I’ve been drawn to defend the oppressed, beginning in kindergarten where I defended the child who was being bullied. As an adult I took an active role in the first Cincinnati Peace Conference and teachers’ peace workshops as an organizer. I attended a church that welcomed all races and sexual orientations, and supported peace and environmental issues. I played a major role in saving Tucson’s downtown inner-city grade school that anchored a large multi-generational Hispanic population in a large historic district coveted by business developers (we saved it!). And I worked to save a sacred mountain from a huge astronomy development.

All this cut into income-earning, but it was far more satisfying than any job – and seemed more useful. And I really didn’t believe the economy would maintain itself this long.

So, I was wrong. Now what?

I still don’t expect the economy to last long, but as long as it lasts, we’ve got to last. And I still have the same attitude toward work, now with less energy and physical strength (at age 62). I believe I’ve given enough of my heart and soul and sweat to make the world and my community a much better place, and as an older person I think I should be supported. Unfortunately, our laws are more complicated than that.

My partner has had a similar view most of his life too, so we both have very modest Social Security checks. We qualify for food stamps and are grateful for them. And we sing and he paints houses for extra cash. And so, like many Americans, we get by in a minimalist way.

I wish we’d been able to create those utopias, and had our farms paid for, and our gardens feeding and healing us, but we weren’t. And we’ve all been herded back to town, like sheep.

We never had a chance, really. We’d been educated to believe anything was possible (even outside the rat race), politics and economics were honest, and hard work would get a person anywhere. And we believed it. MAA.

Friday Foundation: Aliens in the Closet

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I’ve been downplaying the alien aspect of my experiences for the last few years, I just realized. (I only added “alien” to the tagline up top last night.)

Years ago, though, aliens were easier (for me) to discuss than the CIA or church involvement in sexual torture, so I tended to hide those angles then. But I believe all these aspects form a whole which desperately need exploration.

My first conference on aliens and spirituality I attended just before I moved to Silver City in 2006. Having read Harvard professor Dr. John Mack’s two books, Abduction and Passport to the Cosmos, which both comfortingly espouse alien contact as a spiritual or shamanic experience, I knew the two subjects composed a most important angle, though I also recognized the conference seemed to have ignored or downplayed two other very important facts: a) some aliens seem to be serious trouble, not here for our spiritual enlightenment, and b) our governments and many churches (both established by “the gods” in ancient history) are involved in the most troublesome aspects.

Paul Hellyer, former Minister of Defense, Canada

Eventually I attended many conferences on aliens (never any on mind control) and saw and met a lot of credible people – Paul Hellyer, former Defense Minister of Canada, for instance – and made a few strong friendships which contributed to my comfort with the alien angle and my then (subconscious) downplaying of the government and church role.

Dark activities by aliens or government I only recall hearing twice, both times in Roswell. The first was a presentation in Roswell on Reptilians and the evidence of their working covertly with the US government in experimental projects using human subjects. (The city-sponsored conference forbids presentations on aliens as spiritual helpers.)

The second presentation on dark activities by aliens was at a nearby Christian Church (I attended “as a reporter,” I told myself). There, all aliens were defined as demons. Both presentations, when I listened with my multi-dimensional self, seemed as credible, in at least a limited way, as the scores of other presentations I’d seen espousing other angles.

All the angles are probably true in their own context, i.e., extra-dimensional beings of many sorts have many different agendas, some as cruel to us as human researchers are to rabbits, for instance; and some extra-dimensional beings wanting to help us, like missionaries, if we can get past our cultural programming enough to communicate with them across the dimensions. And everything in between, including dark aliens pretending to help, like spies, and possibly helpers accidentally hurting and terrifying us.

Lumping all aliens together under one word “alien” and then pinning a cartoon on that one word seems to have been a very effective way to “confuse our language” (as Jehovah did in Babel to keep the people from building their tower to access the stars), thereby keeping us from discussing our perceptions and having any chance of learning collectively. Collective mind control.

The Paradigm Salon, at first, was my attempt to create an event in which local people could talk after viewing films about “aliens,” but after a year I realized I was not comfortable sharing much of my own experience with strangers (even though I’d published it all in my book), and I also was not comfortable with some of the people who attended, so eventually I quit holding those events and turned to blogging.

In my journals, I constantly explored the connections between government mind control, churches, and aliens, but over the years, I’ve realized I’ve veered to the opposite imbalance in my blogging – I’ve been focusing on government and ignoring the alien component.

Richard Dolan’s UFO’s and the National Security State is an important book. Though I frequently recommend Richard’s books, I quit reading in the middle of his first book and never picked it up again – for what reason I don’t know.

On Thanksgiving, since we (thankfully!) made no plans, I sat for almost the entire day and read not only about “UFO’s” documented by various elements of the government, their chaotic responses, public statements, and reversals of public statements, but also the jockeying for control of this issue, executive orders, and creation of huge new bureaucracies that seemed in direct response to UFO sightings – bureaucracies like the CIA and NSA whose budget and activities would be entirely unaccounted for to the public or Congress or even the President.

And now I realize I need to catch up in my studies, so I intend to finish Richard’s series here and be more dedicated to keeping up with other books, blogs, and videos. And this time I determine not shy away from distinguishing aliens by type. And to begin, I’d like to make clear to my readers that I’m quite sure I’ve had contacts with Reptilians on both this dimension and in other dimensions, as well as the tall grays, and possibly others.

All these may be manifestations of Archons, described by the Gnostics of Christ’s time, and perhaps the same as are now called demons by contemporary Christians. Not a comforting thought at all, but the opposite to my cozy inclinations after reading John Mack.

Coincidentally, Reptilians have been noted by various researchers as being very involved in mind control. And Archons are said to feed off our “energies,” most easily gotten by inducing fear and hatred. Connections? Others have speculated far and wide, but I hesitate now to share any more of my speculations, especially since mind control and its “screen memory” theories throw everything up for grabs – but I hope to soon. (I’d love to hear from readers on these points, especially those with anonymity, who might feel braver to speculate.)

I’ve read and learned a great deal more over the years – and then forgotten it. I’ve also been crippled by the thought that assuming any particular “truth” in this arena, especially using particular names or language like “Reptilians” or “Archons” would discredit me in the eyes of the general public – and why I should care about that I don’t know, but I do sometimes; it might be mind control keeping me from pursuing this most promising direction, but it could also just be the isolation we experiencers feel – SO acute sometimes that we hide some of our truth. Very few of us blog under our real names.

UFO exploding before diving to the Earth, witnessed by my partner and another friend, while I was nearby.

UFO exploding before diving to the Earth, witnessed by my partner and another friend, while I could only hear their excited reactions. Interesting, and not nearly as threatening as alien mind control. You agree? Art: Asante Riverwind.

Experiencers of alien contact are sometimes even ignored inside the UFO movement! Yes, some researchers find the “nuts and bolts” of UFO’s so much easier to talk about than strange beings, government complicity, reproductive experiments, or other experiments for which there seem to be no easy-to-stomach explanation. Those researchers, I assume, think their activism is already tough enough. It reminds me of the women’s movement of the 19th century when they split over the question of banding together with Black activists for equal rights; the majority of feminists thought they’d be more successful if they only promoted the one “easier sell” and then helped Blacks “next.”

In the same way, sexual abuse and mind control are ignored for similar strategic reasons – they’re just a lot more difficult to explain and sell to a distracted populace, much less one’s Congress, where a lot of “UFO Disclosure” efforts are directed. Therefore, just as Blacks had to fight their battles mostly alone, we experiencers have to fend for ourselves until UFO’s are more widely accepted.

Meantime, I’m here on Earth to learn, heal, grow, strengthen connections with soul family on other dimensions, and serve my fellow humans. And this amazing journey requires I shed my blinders of mind control – both Earthly and “alien.”

Sunday Summary: Another Amazing Week

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– another injection bruise
– UFO movie with my folks – on the New Moon
– 20th Anniversary of the family’s Big Rift – and hope for break-through

I almost ignored the injection bruise that appeared on Tuesday, the same day Greg woke wondering why his lower back was out. Denial was attractive, as other than this, life was feeling mellow and productive. Neither of us has any explanation for our injuries, except that this sort of thing occurs to me all the time (this sort of small, point-like bruise appearing a few times a month or more). And various injuries occur regularly to subjects of alien abduction and mind control (which Greg is not comfortable assuming relates to him at all, though I consider it a decent theory for him as well as me).

Acknowledging aliens – or CIA – I do, but hate to do for a number of reasons. But since denial is not useful, healing, or survival behavior, I accepted a kick in the butt Saturday night when I watched a documentary about aliens with my parents – with whom I’ve had an uncomfortable partial-estrangement for just a little over 20 years.

[Skip the next three paragraphs to skip family drama.]

(The estrangement, if you’re interested, was caused when I was 42 and having a spiritual crisis [or nervous breakdown] coming to terms with flashbacks of having been sexually abused as a child, but not yet realizing it had anything to do with mind control, and much less aliens and/or CIA. Sexual abuse alone was more than I could handle.

(I asked my sister if she had any memories of sexual abuse from our childhood, and she, having just seen a 20/20 program on the “false memory syndrome” [psychological disinformation], became immediately indignant and, despite knowing little, scolded me that I was mistaken. Then, without asking more, she told my brother I’d accused our father of sexual abuse. My brother assumed I’d accused my parents directly and called them to offer consolation and support.

(They became enraged, and we didn’t speak very much for the next seven years, and the thirteen years since have been little better, very tense. My father has wanted me to exonerate him to the family, but I’ve told him I can’t because I really don’t know, and I never made any accusation.)

I began visiting my parents again (at the family’s urging) around 2000, once every year or two, increasing the visits to a few hours twice a year, and last weekend to one full day including an overnight. In all these years, we’ve mostly skirted around the old accusation, and when I became aware (in 2002 and 2004) of mind control and aliens as both somehow involved in sexual trauma, both issues seemed nearly impossible to broach in our barely-functioning relationship.

So last Saturday, my youngest sister set up our folks’ computer to stream movies, then left us to find something to watch – as it was still early and everyone seemed “talked out.” I scanned the documentary section, and when Mom seemed to perk up at The Hidden Hand: Alien Contact and the Government Coverup, I clicked “Play.”.

A moment of panic washed over me when the Time Traveler Productions logo appeared – because I realized this was the film I’d been video-interviewed for in 2008 by the director, James Carman, who’d traveled to this small town just to interview me. A few months later, when his communications got squirrelly and I happened to see a piece of art online being used in pre-promotion, I feared he might be mocking the whole subject, and I certainly didn’t want to be mocked for all the world to see. I requested he exclude my interview, and he said he would. (This documentary is not mockery.)

But in that moment, I wasn’t absolutely sure my face of 6 years ago, in a state of nervous anxiety, wouldn’t suddenly appear, talking about CIA mind control and aliens! It would blindside my parents and put me in a very awkward situation of needing to explain something terrifically complicated on the spot when we all need to sleep. It occurred to me to think of an excuse to turn it off….

But reason prevailed: Carman said he wouldn’t use my interview, and besides, the opening scene looked familiar, and I thought I’d seen it before and was pretty sure I wasn’t in it. I calmed down and we all began watching it together.

The film is very well done (and available to stream online). Over and over, I was moved to see friends and acquaintances I’ve made over the last decade give their testimony as experiencers and researchers, putting their faces and names on the line: Niara Isley, Melissa Reed, Jeremy Vaeni, James Gilliland, Jim Sparks, Whitley Strieber and researchers Paola Harris, Yvonne Smith, and Richard Dolan. I was proud to have almost been counted alongside them.

Surgeon Dr. Lier was included – who’d once invited me to California to have my implants removed at no cost. (Not sure why I didn’t, but he’s passed on now.) I hoped he would impress my veterinarian father – who trusts all doctors far more than me.

Part-way through the video, after the section on sexual procedures, my father announced, “I’ve had all I can take of this” and left to watch the UCLA-USC football game.

When the video was over, I realized something astounding: I could finally offer my parents the closest thing I could to an exoneration!

“Mom, that,” I said, gesturing toward the TV, “I believe, explains my memories of sexual abuse.”

Mom ignored my bombshell statement, but told me about a couple of UFOs she’d seen. I’d never heard this before and responded with interest because multi-generational involvement is a major theme of the alien experience.

And multi-generational involvement is just one section of many addressed in The Hidden Hand (others being: UFO evidence, alien abductions, sexual/reproductive involvement, alien implants, alien-human hybrids, human-military abductions, exopolitics, positive experiences and galactic consciousness).

Since mom’s sighting of a couple of UFO’s strengthens slightly the possibility she’d accept this interpretation of my experiences, I repeated what I’d said: “I hope you’ve heard me here, as I think it’s important for you and Dad to know: That, I believe, explains my memories of sexual abuse.” She changed the subject again, but it was off my chest.

And I realized it’s easier to consider that my parents’ involvement has probably been more complex than them simply deciding to allow the CIA to use me as a child subject, as was my assumption back in 2002, but maybe my subjection came about because they’ve been mind-controlled themselves, and maybe they never gave permission.

I’ve known for decades that both my parents were separated from their parents at about the same age as the years for which I have total amnesia (1st and 2nd grade) – and at about the same ages as my own children were taken from me by my husband and a woman who controlled him – and the age at which other MKULTRA subjects report their memories or amnesia. It all fits just too perfectly the multi-generational theory.

Afterward, I realized it was the evening of the New Moon. And it’s been about 20 years (maybe plus a month or two) since I first asked my sister about sexual abuse and our family entered this terrible 20-year period of disconnect.

It’s possible this video viewing might have opened a door that will allow us to break through this family impasse. The emotional cost to all of us has been terrific; I have been off-and-on suicidal for decades; and I’ve been blamed by all the family for causing our bad relations. It would be nice to get resolution.

At least two of my siblings, I believe, are following my blog (I’ve asked them to, but they haven’t ever chosen to talk to me about it), and I pray they will watch “The Hidden Hand” and talk at least to each other about this.

Alien-government cooperation in mind control of humans is not just a decent theory that might fit, but is a theory that fits very well, with excellent physical documentation collected for years and memories that match the memories of others all over the planet.

Twenty years is long enough for us all to suffer. I hope we can discuss this.

Friday Random Beauty: “Rebel Jesus”

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We’re preparing for a concert in which we’ll sing this amazing song, “‘Rebel Jesus,” which I’d love to share with you as my Friday Random Beauty offering.

The lyrics, by Jackson Browne, are amazing. As John Nichols wrote in The Nation: “Browne’s lyrics, world-weary and wry in their observations yet warm in their delivery, offer an ancient antidote to the dispiriting crush of commerce, the tyranny of schedules and the theft of meaning that can crowd the better angels of our nature at Christmas:”

(Below I’ll paste a link to a video of Jackson Browne singing it.)

Rebel Jesus

All the streets are filled with laughter and light

And the music of the season

And the merchants’ windows are all bright

With the faces of the children

And the families hurrying to their homes

As the sky darkens and freezes

They’ll be gathering around their hearths and tables

Giving thanks for all God’s graces

And the birth of the rebel Jesus

Well they call him by the prince of peace

And they call him by the savior

And they pray to him upon the seas

And in every bold endeavor

As they fill his churches with their pride and gold

And their faith in him increases

But they’ve turned the nature that I worshipped in

From a temple to a robber’s den

In the words of the rebel Jesus

We guard our world with locks and guns

And we guard our fine possessions

And once a year when christmas comes

We give to our relations

And perhaps we give a little to the poor

If the generosity should seize us

But if any one of us should interfere

In the business of why they are poor

They get the same as the rebel Jesus

But pardon me if I seem

To take the tone of judgement

For I’ve no wish to come between

This day and our enjoyment

In this life of hardship and of earthly toil

We’ve need for anything that frees us

So I bid us pleasure

And I bid us cheer

From a heathen and a pagan

On the side of the rebel jesus.

Here’s Jackson singing it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr1d0ivyTTk

Friday Foundation: Big Picture of Hope

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I quit thinking we could change anything politically or by education a long time ago. (I’m sorry to say that, activist friends.)

Why? Just look at the extent of our soil collapse, terminator genes, poisoned water, chemtrails, fracking, wars, prisons, racism, surveillance, political charades, media disinformation, mis-education, crazy philosophies, pharmaceutical addictions, mind control, wars – and massive human wage- or other slavery to accomplish it all.

A bigger picture might be terrifying, but it gives me hope, far beyond Earth politics and activism.

My bigger picture draws from all the history of the Earth – not just the rulers’ history of wars and conquest, which tells us a lot between the lies – but also Gnostic accounts of Archons, Hopi accounts of Kachinas, shamanic animism, Sitchen’s Annunaki, Hebrews’ Jehovah, Christians’ Christ, European folklore, contemporary accounts of star beings, Star Trek’s Prime Directive – almost all of it true or a simplified or degraded story of some real aspect of our world.

In broad terms: The Earth and other planets have been resource extraction sites before. We humans are also resources – just like the controllers are calling us these days. And many of us will probably die in one or a series of cataclysms soon involving those jeopardies I named above – just as histories, geology, and archeology have recorded before, as religions have predicted will happen again, and as Henry Kissinger says would be a good thing soon.

So, engaging in politics today recalls for me the cliche about deck chairs on the Titannic.

It’s good to know we have lives beyond this Earth, and I believe it’s time now to keep our focus in other dimensions where we can connect with our kin beyond this realm.

And while we’re here, imagine the world we want – and work to make it real – now. We might create community gardens and housing coops here in this dimension, or maybe our efforts will create them in another dimension. Either way.

Many religions say we’ll experience a separation of energies, good and bad into heaven and hell; but I imagine this “harvest” or “rapture” (under many other names as well) like white light naturally bent in a prism (or split by dimensional shift), refracted into different component colors, separated naturally (rather than by doctrine) by our differing light vibrations. In which case, the vibes we give off – the music we make, so to speak – will determine where we go after this.

Designing a better world of our imaginations is natural, our human destiny. So is fighting back when forced to. But political conversations with trained liars? Nah….

Creating good vibrations in music, design, and community feels good, and it’s probably far more productive.

To read another essay about watching the documentary, The Abolitionists, which inspired this essay – and more reflections on political activism, click “Political Activism: Why I respect it but can’t do it anymore.”

Political Activism: Why I respect it but can’t do it anymore

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abolitionist_film_landing_2 It’s hard to believe I was inspired to write my next-up essay, “Big Picture of Hope,” after watching the wonderful documentary, The Abolitionists. (Also available in public libraries.)

I’ve long had immense admiration for Frederick Douglas (he’s in all my Almanac publications) because of his eloquence and courage – so the reenactment of that eloquence and courage was thrilling. “I love this man!” I said to myself over and over through the video.

I reconcile my political passivity today with his and others’ dissent with this observation:

In the end, it was clear that “moral ‘suasion,” political activism, even the deaths of many thousands in war, couldn’t change the rulers’ minds. When Abraham Lincoln finally signed the Emancipation Proclamation, the real rulers simply changed the game and created a different sort of slave by way of economic and other social manipulations.

For the next era, our nation experienced wanton lynchings, and today wanton murders by “peace officers” and mass incarceration of slave descendants by the millions into corporate-run work prisons. And people in “undeveloped” countries are our “invisible” slaves today – out of sight, out of mind. And the planet too is treated as slave.

The noble, courageous abolitionists’ error was in believing the rulers of this world had human hearts and could be persuaded to do the right thing. We have more information today.

Everyone in modern civilization living month to month (most Americans) are wage slaves, required to labor (far more than natural humans), often abandoning their children to “educational” institutions, just to eat, have shelter, and stay out of jail.

And new groups of us are mind-control slaves of a sort equally brutal to that which drove the Abolitionists: we are raped, terrorized throughout our lives, and murdered just as surely.

Since politicians are bought, blackmailed, and mind controlled too, politics is a no-win game. Fascinating to watch, but that’s about all.

Karla Turner

Still, it is right to speak out, if one can. We might die for our troubles or spend our lives in prison or exile, but speaking out is still right to do.

It defines the world we want to live in. It’s our creative act, our human right. It defines who we are, individually – and the world we’ll enter when we’re freed from this amnesia-inducing dimension.

So I speak out. To readers here, and other audiences, but not to politicians.

Judi Bari’s car after the bombing

I know from personal experience that people who speak out on dangerous subjects sometimes get murdered, like Karla Turner (above) and Judi Bari (a non-violence activist colleague of mine), or threatened with death, like all the abolitionists, or imprisoned for life like so many descendants of slaves today.

I spoke out for decades when I was younger, went to jail twice, was Tasered and made amnesic in jail once, paid the government thousands of dollars to settle my fines, and spent far too many hours away from my children fighting the criminal system. When Judi – whom I’d set as my role model in 1990 – was car bombed that year, I had to rethink it all. Judi and I both still had children at home.

Now I’m 62, and this is what I can do: write, speak, and sing (occasionally about war and throwing over money-changers’ tables).

Keep healing myself.

Imagine a better world.

Treat all life with respect.

And pray for extra-dimensional help with the collapse of this slave-making system – soon.

Petition to Enter CIA torture report into Congressional Record

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reposted from: http://releasethetorturereport.com/?code=Kos

If you would like to sign the petition to enter the CIA torture report into the Congressional Record:

The Senate Intelligence Committee’s “torture report” is expected to detail shocking abuse of prisoners at the hands of the CIA during the Bush administration, and even possible CIA lying to Congress.

But seven months after the Senate Intelligence Committee voted overwhelmingly to release the report to the American people, the White House is stonewalling Congress and demanding “redactions”—blacked-out sections and information—before making its contents public.

But there’s a way around that—and before the end of the year, we have a rare chance to make it happen.

Members of Congress have an absolute right to free speech, and a member could enter the report into the Congressional Record in its entirety—just as the Pentagon Papers were in 1971—without fear of prosecution.

That’s exactly what transparency advocates are calling on outgoing, staunchly anti-torture and pro-transparency Sen. Mark Udall to do.

Sign the petition to Sen. Mark Udall: If you enter the torture report into the Congressional Record, we’ll have your back.

Our Message to Sen. Mark Udall:

Before leaving office, please submit the Senate Intelligence Committee’s torture report to the Congressional Record. We know that you are considering undertaking this heroic and courageous act, and we and countless others will support you if you choose to do so.

We will deliver a copy of this petition and a list of signers to Sen. Mark Udall, Senate Intelligence Committee Chair Dianne Feinstein and President Obama to make sure our message is heard.

Blue America
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Daily Kos
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Note: When you sign our petition, your name and email address may be provided to one or more of the sponsoring organizations. You may opt out at any time.

I signed.

Sunday Summary: “Experiment in Sound Healing”

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Saturday afternoon, after a mild and satisfying week, I watched a video about Tom Kenyon – “Song of the New Earth” – then turned off the computer and sat back to try to “tone” for the first time in years.

I’ve had amazing experiences with sound before, most notably when I went to hear Tuvan “throat singers” (shamans from Tuva, Siberia). I was seated directly in front of one of the didgeridoos, it’s base angled slightly away from me, and throughout the performance I experienced energy knots in my aura explode and dissipate away with the shamans’ sounds. Subtly, I turned, twisted, and bent to present different aspects of my energy field to the healing vibrations.

At one point in the video, Tom said something like:

“All can learn to use sound to be healers for ourselves and others.”

This, I knew, but I also knew immediately it was for me to embrace now.

When the video ended, I sat, intending to make sounds that simply felt good to me – a welcome change from “simple” meditation, which sometimes is so difficult, trying to keep a half-dozen minds quiet.

Immediately, a tone emerging from me felt like “it,” and I intuitively worked to “send it around” to different places in my head. On my second toning, I was surprised but pleased, to hear an overtone – the thing that had seemed next to impossible for me, since I’d tried this once many years ago. But now, my dozens of tonings resulted in two or three overtones every time after the first, and sending sounds to different places in my skull and aura around my head and throat and heart.

A few times, I experienced serious pain in my head and around my eyes, but didn’t think it was necessarily a bad thing. It lasted a short while, then seemed to “break through” something – an energy block from some old wound, I assumed – and I immediately began exploring new areas, always on the left side of my head. (The right side always felt open to sound; it’s the left side that’s always where “my stuff” is.)

Eventually, I found I’d not only made three tones at once, but I’d learned to move them around, make them break through blockages, and become more attractively harmonic!

This morning, I practiced toning again with Greg present, and maybe because I felt shy, I didn’t practice long and could only produce a single overtone – but he heard it! This thing I thought impossible I can do!

Something else in the video excited me immensely! In “Song for a New Earth,” Tom recounts a story from young adulthood in which he was mystically drawn into another dimension where he encountered strange beings who asked him if he will “sing the song of the new Earth.”

Being whisked into another dimension is a favorite theme of mine, of course – I love it when others share something that helps me understand my own similar “crazy” stuff. But I was totally unprepared to see an image – drawn by artists, presumably with Tom’s direction – that nearly perfectly depicts the environment of an extra-dimensional encounter I had in 1999.

I was still healing from the shock of remembering, five years earlier, childhood sexual abuse, but I’d not yet understood I’d also been a mind control subject. I prayed constantly for information that would help me understand my torment, and one day I was offered the opportunity to go into a terrifying place.

I was suddenly at the mouth of a cave that looked nearly identical to the one drawn for Tom Kenyon! He met an aboriginal man there twirling a fire stick. In a similar environment, I spoke with huge bats that seemed to be part of the cave’s dripstone, which in my vision were thicker so that they blocked more of the view inside than this depiction. One other difference is that the cave felt like the mouth of a living thing.

The bat people emerged from the living columns near the front where they encouraged me to enter and learn everything I wanted to know about what had happened to me – just what I’d been praying for for years. In wheedling, syrupy tones, they encouraged and terrified me.

Inside the cave I imagined – no, felt – a torture chamber or something equally repugnant, from which I might not find it easy or swift to return. One part of me tested the idea to “be brave” and enter the passage – but I decided to wait for knowledge and turned away.*

Tom, in his vision of the red cave with the aborigine, when asked whether he would sing the Song of the New Earth, answered he didn’t know. In this life, of course, his answer has been affirmative.

Watching the video, each time he answered that he didn’t know, I answered aloud, excitedly, “Yes!” and “I will!” Now, I’m curious to learn what it might mean.

It may – for me – mean simply more of what Greg and I already do – sing “good” songs – about love, friendship, home, community, nature, and cosmic mysteries, or the song-and-story sets we’re developing, especially my favorite “cosmic” set with songs of extra-dimensional travel and mystery by Bob Dylan, Jackson Brown, Neil Young, and so many others who write explicitly or hint about travel and beings in the multi-dimensional cosmos.

Of course, it’s more too.

I’ve long resonated with a vision I once read, of Earth’s humans, cooperative and aggressive, dividing into two dimensions of future Earth, divided according to their vibrations.

Not divided by doctrine, words, which have been used since the beginning of civilization to tell lies, but in vibrations. Each of us, human, mountain, and star, singing, harmonizing, creating the vibrating river of Song to the New Earth.

The rest of my week has been almost uneventful, except for one set of small suspicious wounds where the sun don’t shine and one unhappy personal encounter. We hosted friends for a small potluck-fire-music party one evening, which I love even though I usually get overwhelmed by the numbers of people and then unsure about myself in bouts, even among friends if there are a few, and more overwhelmed if there are a dozen. Worse, a stranger arrived with a friend I thought knew better and set off my alarms, distracting me off and on for the entirety of the party. Despite that, we’re feeling blessed and grateful for the gathering in our home!

I’ve decided to tell guests more clearly not to bring others. (Help?)

* I believe I’ve received enough of that information – in bits and pieces – over the years and, even so, it has often been nearly too much to handle. Everyone in healing: We really do need to be careful what we pray for, qualify our prayers [“Thy will be done”], and not push the river. Psychotic break-downs and suicide can result. Trust your Helping Spirit Family to guide and pace you in uncovering repressed information.

Friday Foundations: MK – JUST like humans treat their animals

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One of the biggest lies we’ve been told is that life – at least all the life we need be concerned with – stops at Earth’s atmosphere.

Not only does life not stop there, but neither does politics, war, commerce, science, or any other aspect of culture stop at Earth’s atmosphere.

Rather, we’re part of a larger community we’ve simply yet to understand collectively – sort of like cattle, sheep, and apple trees in an orchard don’t understand their situation – or maybe they do, better than we! (Except for those of us who’ve been forced to see what others have the luxury to ignore.)

There’s plenty of evidence, including documentation by the “ranchers” themselves, that we are, indeed, creatures, creation, projects, students, subjects, prey, a combination, or something else subservient to other wiser beings – evidence throughout time and throughout the world, across every culture, recorded on stone and clay tablets and papyrus and guarded for millennia.

Accepting the corollary lie that humans exist as the pinnacle of evolution, under no one’s control but our own, allows our real rulers to hide as “us,” and keeps humans from perceiving reality and thereby making continuing, serious political and other sorts of errors.

museo-nazionale-del-cinema So activists (like I used to be) often beat our heads on the wall trying to communicate with politicians as if those others were operating from a human viewpoint, perhaps just skewed in a way that compelling information can correct. (Wrong. If they’re human, they’re beholden to and controlled by the Others.)

We are all in a web of multiple “spiritual” relationships, at least one of which is an increasingly tightly-controlled one with beings who do not have human motivations or Earth-protective intentions. This explains poisoning the Earth’s water and air, inserting “terminator genes” into our food genetics, fracking the Earth’s crust to poison underground water sources, grossly misinforming people, encouraging wars and racism, and so much more.

Many humans insist they find the idea of Others beyond Earth or beyond this dimension impacting our Earth experience impossible or unlikely. But the theory is entirely coherent with everything we see in Nature, including human nature: patterns of prey and predator, parasite and host, teacher and student, cooperation, collaboration, resource extraction, etc. My assertion is simply that it’s more extensive and multi-dimensional than we’ve been led to believe.

However, we’ve all learned very well by now not to limit our thinking to what we’ve been taught. And so I challenge us all to open our eyes to “hidden” realities.

Our human situation in relation to these Others today is totally unrecognized in social, political, religious and academic life. Unable to talk about it, we thereby don’t think about it. Result: a mild and not uncomfortable sort of cultural mind control. Not uncomfortable, but making us ineffective in our actions.

Some people who do acknowledge their extra-dimensional relationships describe them in spiritual terms: angel, god/goddess, teacher, guide, or spiritual helper. And I believe some extra-dimensional relationships are indeed that.

But others are apparently relationships much like we have with our animals, even our favorite animals: We cage them, control their diets, control their territory, operate on them, force medicine on them, breed them. We also allow others to treat animals in more grotesque ways and then pay those individuals to eat their animal products. Of course, there are also many worse treatments I’ll leave unspoken for now.

FinancialPRAgenciesTheBigLies So, the idea that beings from other dimensions or planets seem to be a lot like us – greedy, conniving, lying, willing to inflict pain and discomfort – shouldn’t be received as if it were outlandish. On the contrary, we should call it normal, as it’s exactly like us! Maybe we even learned these negative traits from their treatment of us.

Therefore, when people report being experimented on by “aliens,” or having their DNA changed, or their eggs, sperm, or fetuses removed, or being dosed with drugs, or even bred – I wonder if people realize they’re rejecting as outlandish what human science is proud to announce, and what we often participate in and support with our dollars.

There are so many different beings, helpful and harmful, described throughout time, but they also have many similarities recounted across vastly different cultures, attesting to their reality.

Some may be like corporate raiders or resource extractors, and others akin to gods, angels, helpers, and guides. Others might be like researchers, ambassadors, or even missionaries. And demons are not beyond discussion.

We have a hard time judging this with the subject being taboo and our language intentionally skewed to confuse us – with all these being lumped together under one heading, “aliens,” which we’ve been taught to ridicule with silly cartoons.

To begin to learn, we need to identify each type and their intentions – which many researchers have begun, collecting data on over 100 different species, categorized by whether they collaborate with our government or not, and what activities they’re commonly reported as engaged in.

We are certainly Someone’s creation. (Most of the world’s religions and cultures agree with this, and we humans seem to have become Creators on Earth ourselves, so how can this be outrageous?) We may be their progeny, or their project. In any case, they may have expectations for us that are not our expectations.

Since their ways are not our ways (“saith the Lord”), their actions from other dimensions might not always translate properly to our three-dimensional minds, and we probably misinterpret a lot of experiences and assign wrong intentions and maybe even think things evil when they’re only obliviousness of our sensitivity (like we treat animals) or expediency for a purpose we don’t understand.

Some of it could be truly “evil” as all the world’s religions agree. And today we read so much in news (if the news is true) that seems patently evil; it would explain what people report and why our government denies so much that’s obvious.

Benevolent beings – let’s not forget – are all around us on other dimensions too, according to religion and contemporary testimony.

So it seems our life on Earth is a dance of dark and light, delight and horror, prey and predator, teacher and student, villain and savior, slaver and slave, parasite and host or combinations or permutations.

This may be frightening to some, but it’s coherent with human history, ancient and contemporary lore, biology, chemistry, and all of life.

It’s hard to accept that some of these intelligent beings are no more nice than humans. Microcosm, macrocosm.

images Interestingly, opening our eyes to the hidden reality (seeing past the Big Lie) is the meaning of the word apocalypse – now laden with images of horror – not because that’s what the word means, but because it’s probably what must eventually come from millennia of our ignorance before we wake up and see.

Seeing with clear vision – the real meaning of the apocalypse – will be essential if we’re to survive as something like what we want to think of as “human.”

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Friday Random Beauty: Saving the Life of a Lizard

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Today, we took a walk around an acquaintance’s property, and at the very beginning of the walk, I spotted one – and then two – desiccated lizards which I picked up to carry home.

I like lizards. They do insect control, are neat and clean, and are symbolic of the dreamtime. And I’ve had many good experiences with them over the years – and one experience that felt tragic to me, in which I accidentally killed a large mama lizard full of eggs (all recounted in my book).

Of course, I’ve always felt glad when I’ve been able to save a lizard trapped in some sort of container it can’t climb out of, when still alive and able to recover from its temporary imprisonment. That happened a lot at my old hermitage.

rock creek house

Once a lizard refused to leave my hand but ran up my arm and rode around with me on my shoulder for almost an hour until I insisted it return to the garden.

Two days later, I found two lizards (similar to the first hitchhiker, so maybe the one told its buddy about me) hanging on the back of my shirt. Since I’d been on my feet for hours, I could only assume they’d jumped onto me from the doorway of the screen porch where they liked to hang out for cooling breezes.

Since mystical experiences often occur in threes, I wondered when I found the first and second desiccated lizards this morning, Would there be a third?

Within a short time, we came upon a baby lizard hanging – improbably – up-side-down by the tip of its tail, suspended by a spider web he’d partially destroyed and deformed so that the entire web pulled down with its lowest point a twisted thread of sticky strands wrapped around the scaly tip of the lizard’s tail, leaving the baby lizard dangling helplessly in the air. It wiggled its legs, so we knew it was alive.

I held my hand up and let the baby lizard climb on, then with fingers of my other hand gently pulled away bits of web still wrapped around the tip of its tail. In seconds the lizard was free. Like the other rescued lizards, this one didn’t seem interested in leaving my hand, so I was able to carry it to a convenient tree branch stump.

There, the baby lizard obliged, but turned around to look at me.

I put my face right up to the branch – and the little one stepped forward toward my face, so I leaned in too, and we nearly touched noses. I assume he or she said thanks, and then I turned and we went on our way.

Later, I returned to photograph this stump where I deposited and last saw the little thing and looked around a bit in case it was nearby, but didn’t see it.

At home I took this photo of the two dried heralds of the life-saving event.

Blessings to you all on your walks in Nature today ~

TV Lies

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I just learned (having not watched TV since 1974) there’s a TV show called “United States of Tara” which depicts a character who supposedly “became multiple” as a teenager (highly unlikely), whose behavior is highly destructive – also unlikely, since dissociation is an adaption discovered in order to create functionality.

An excellent critique of the show has been written by a therapist of 20 years on her Discussing Dissociation website, here: http://discussingdissociation.com/2009/03/28/

united-states-of-tara-–-going-too-far/#comment-5200

Some excerpts:

As a trauma therapist with 20+ years of clinical experience working with multiples, I have to say I’m quite frustrated that Showtime has presented multiplicity in this way.

… there is not a medication that can remove or prevent or end dissociative identity disorder. Medications can address various symptoms, and can even slow the thinking down, but medication cannot remove multiplicity….

I can understand that the visual presentation of the various alters is metaphorical for how switching feels from within. …For the Tara show, the insiders get to look as extremely different on the outside as they feel on the inside. However, it’s not typical for DID’ers to actually present so drastically even if they wish they could. [JE: DID’ers = people with Dissociative Identity Disorder, which I call “multiples”]

The different presentations of Tara are excessive….

Now to my biggest beef about United States of Tara: the criminal behavior.

…The multiples I have met in the past 20+ years are not out-of-control monsters like this. …DIDer’s might have flashbacks or a hard time functioning or emotional outbursts, but typically, trauma survivors will have enough self-control to manage their behavior without committing a crime in public.

Showtime crossed the line by making Tara a sex offender.

It is true that many multiples have been tangled up in sexual crimes, but typically, multiples that are in treatment have not chosen the life of a sex offender. All too many trauma survivors were forced to perpetrate as part of their victimization by organized perpetrator groups, or even by violent single abusers, but being forced to hurt others is not anything near the same as purposefully deciding to sexually offend in the day world.

Most multiples are not sexually inappropriate of their own volition.

…What a slam.

A great big huge insulting ridiculous slam.

38 comments followed before mine. I commented: From your description, I hate it! But I quit watching television in 1974 (with maybe 100 hours watched since then), and your description of this show says why: TV is a huge misinformation/disinformation enterprise – selling us ideas always in someone else’s benefit. It’s in the culture’s benefit to misrepresent and confuse images about who we are. As a “high-functioning” (sometimes) multiple (I prefer this term), I’m really offended. Our work of explaining our condition to others has been made infinitely more difficult with these sorts of images.

(And I just returned to add another comment:) I absolutely believe that this show was crafted as disinformation, probably because the CIA and other perpetrator groups have seen such numbers of their experimental subjects begin remembering their experiences that they need to discredit us all as a group.

Your comments?

172 words – start of my new memoir? Give me feedback!

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I think I’ve been afraid for a very long time to be too powerful. But I’m trying to get over that. So here’s my second attempt at beginning a new memoir. I’m also thinking of entering it in a memoir contest. I’d love you’re feedback.

After the Second World War, my father and mother lived on the GI Bill while he attended veterinary college and my mother kept house. It was July 7, 1952, 4:25 a.m., eight minutes before a precise full moon, that I was born.

The next things I’ll share I’d have cringed at in embarrassment most of my life, but something has to explain the crazy life I’ve lived: It was not only a Full Moon, but a Monday, long ago known as Moon-day, and smack-dab in the middle of Cancer, previously known as Moon Children. And the eight minutes between my birth and full moon is 2/1000th of a degree, dang close to precise.

Dwight David Eisenhower, my grandfather’s second cousin (or so claims the family), would be nominated to the Republican ticket as candidate for President of the United States later that day. Our local paper would write a smarmy short column about the coincidence.

At home on the UC Davis campus, the CIA was experimenting with mind control as they had on various campuses for the last five years. I would live on this campus for the first fourteen months of my life.

…

(Thank you for your comment!)

Not Listening to Abusive Teachings

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Absolutely critical! I’ve been working on “this stuff” for decades, and I confirm: What we say to ourselves is absolutely critical. I was given a pretty journal once, which I decided I’d use only to name one thing (or more) each night that I was grateful for: good health, good weather, my cat, a friendly face. I also quit saying “I can’t” do certain things, like remember names; instead, I said, “I’m working on remembering names better.” Today, despite a life that I once thought was the most tragic in the entire world, I’m becoming more functional again and am happy most days. Thank you, Kathy, for these important words.

Discussing Dissociation

Hello Everyone,

These quotes are massively powerful in their simplicity.

Think of how they can apply to the healing process of a dissociative trauma survivor — a survivor of any kind of abuse….. Child abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence, ritual abuse, mind control.

I know and I know and I know without a shadow of doubt that horrific, hideous words were said to you during your years of trauma. It was wrong for your abusers to say those words. Wrong, vile, and unacceptable on every level.

I am sure that those damaging words and phrases still can be heard in your mind, in your internal communication, and probably even in your own speech. Removing that trash talk from your mind and your life is essential for your healing, your internal cooperation, and your overall peace of mind.

Have a look at these quotes again. Can you…

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Survived! Florescent Lights or Electronic Harassment?

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What an interesting performance we had last night – the sort of thing I might write into a sardonic movie script: We played in a room charmingly decorated, but fluorescent-lit and linoleum-floored with lots of hard surfaces for bouncing around all the conversations happening. Lots of good folks were there, and we enjoyed a number of good conversations. The fundraiser’s silent auction had great items donated from local stores and galleries, and I even won a few bids.

But as performers – and we anticipated this ahead of time – it was really difficult to sing in a conversation-noisy, fluorescent-lit, linoleum-tiled room!

To make it more difficult, I haven’t been singing much since last spring, as I’ve been going through all these healing events – and I’d also announced to the world that “I Quit!” (everything) a few months back. And I did quit singing – even practicing – for six weeks while I did other things and truly enjoyed my time “away.”

Of course, eventually, Greg seduced me back, and I discovered that old bad-singing habits had been lost (yeah!), my voice had relaxed, I liked it much better, and I decided to be – not necessarily a performer, but – an occasional performer of a song or two or maybe even a set now and then. Next thing we knew, a friend had accepted this gig but didn’t want to do the whole three hours, and asked us to help him fill the time.

Despite it being one of the worst settings, the humbleness of it was actually attractive to me as a venue for getting back into performance. Besides, the group was “good people,” and it was a good cause – SNAP – the “Spay and Neuter Awareness Project – the kicker aspect making it perfect for my one-day, sardonic script.

But that was just the setting.

What I experienced last night didn’t feel like stage jitters. It might have been the fluorescent lights experienced for too long (never a problem for me in the past), but it felt like being electronically messed with – maybe for the first time immediately before I stepped into our performance space.

Fine arrows of negative-feeling energy seemed to pierce inside my body from outside like 12”-long thin needles (not nervousness emerging naturally from inside – a sensation I am very familiar with) – but, to my credit, I didn’t panic.

I thought: I’ve always known electronic harassment while I sing was a possibility, and here it is (maybe, if this is what it is). So what do I do? Decide not to sing? Never sing again? Or take this as a challenge and see if I can develop some spiritual skills to combat it? Right here. Now. Okay.

I took my time getting on stage, stretching and relaxing my body, even as Greg encouraged me to join him on stage then. As I concentrated on relaxing my body and strengthening my protective energy shield, I realized: I need a checklist before I go onstage – and even before I walk into certain environments! Especially like this.

Then I realized: Oh yeah: I have a checklist! (water, stretch, visualize, etc.) But like many things, it’s lost in some notebook, forgotten.

“Forgotten” – the bane of my life!

Yeah, while most people (or so I think – maybe it’s a minority) have the good fortune of just deciding to improve something and then doing it, some of us have greater challenges – or maybe they’re opportunities! Opportunities to strengthen ourselves beyond what we believe is possible – not by choice, but because we have too.

So, even though, over and over again, I’ve found work-arounds to my latest challenge, I keep finding new hurdles, for which I often despair and am ready to quit. But I’m beginning to realize that what this all amounts to is spiritual warfare training. And I accept it.

That’s exactly what it felt like last night: While I worked to relax my body inside my aura, pay attention to my partner’s music, remember not just lyrics but the stories we’re telling, and coax the newly discovered energy patterns that I discovered after my break and more discovered in the heart-healing event a week ago – while doing all that – worked to keep control of my body despite these apparently external arrows.

So much to manage! And I did it.

Others said our music was “great” and “lovely,” Greg was very positive about the quality of my singing, and I thought my most recent improvements – singing with heart energy – was sustained 80-90% of the time, with only 1% “barks” – where the tension in me was too great to control my voice – but I was aware enough to keep a distance from the mike at those times. So, I guess – unless anyone wants to fill me in on things I’m not aware of (we didn’t get a recording) – I succeeded!

Sometimes I think, with my difficulties in remembering and even perceiving, I’ve been very fortunate or maybe rescued repeatedly by the hand of God, like an innocent child walking in traffic – or maybe Mr. Magoo. But here I am! If it’s angels keeping me alive and kicking, I accept.

But I’m also adding all I can. And I’m jazzed by the strength I discovered – repeatedly last night – to overcome the literal (it seemed to me) arrows of something invading my space. I found that when I determined to do it, I could allow good energy to flow through that heart space, join with my voice, and a new beautiful sound flowed through.

May we all keep on keeping on! Our biggest trials may be our biggest opportunities to heal – and, if we’re lucky, create beauty while we’re at it!

Letting Go

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Wonderful advice! Not to keep our heads in the sand, of course, but ….

THE EDITOR'S JOURNAL

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Sunday Summary: Two Positive Weird-ities!

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Unknown What a pleasure to report nothing weird all week – except for two things positive!

One non-normal happening was my sighting of a series of – apparently – energetic beings in a storm cloud! Now, I’ve never seen this sort of thing before*, though I also would not automatically discount it. Still, I was very surprised to see an approaching storm cloud rolling our way suddenly “open up” – and an energetic being didn’t just appear, but sort of teasingly danced, as if to say, “You see me! I know you see me! Don’t pretend you don’t see me!”

When I silently accepted that, yes, I did see “her,” she disappeared into the cloud, and another spot in the cloud opened up to display another being with an entirely different energy. One after another, different beings with different energies displayed themselves, conveying to me that a storm cloud is filled with energies of all sorts, some ready to inflict damage on the land beneath, others ready to bless the land with rain.

How do I explain this? Years ago, I wrote an essay titled, “Paracelsus, Rudolph Steiner, and Aliens,” a summary of the best-selling author Peter Thompkins’ book The Secret Life of Nature: Living in Harmony with the Hidden World of Nature Spirits from Fairies to Quarks.

Below are two short paragraphs from that essay, which will explain why, until I’d seen these beings myself, I would not have immediately discounted the idea, despite our “rational” training in this culture:

Paracelsus gathered his data by going straight to his source, Nature, in which he steeped himself deeply. He also asked herbalists, faith healers, gypsies, hermits, witches and anyone else who claimed knowledge of the healing arts – aside from doctors – what they knew. He discovered that their lore had a form and structure which matched his own experiences of intelligent, immaterial beings working within nature. [my underline]

The rebel alchemist defined these spiritual intelligences as “elementals,” which he explained perform important tasks, that we in the first world today call “forces of nature.” These elementals are also identical with the beings that mystics and primitive societies call spirits of mountain, sea, storm, etc.

So, I’m honored to have been blessed with this small vision. (* And I now recall a similar experience from a decade ago, I’ll recount at the end.)

The second strange thing this week, just for the record: my left shoulder continues to feel highly sensitive, as it has for months, but the bruise (pictured here, near the former implant site) that had been there for over a year is finally entirely gone! And the implant removal injury, seen in the photo, is gone too.

Other than those two things, my sleep was “normal,” I found no marks on my body, and I enjoyed a lot of mundane pleasures: for one, my partner and I DSC05441 cu built the last section of fence around the house, including two gate handles hand-crafted from an oak branch.

* Regarding the similar storm cloud vision a decade ago (recounted in my book, RattleSnake Fire): I was sitting on the west-facing porch with my daughter and a friend, watching an Arizona sunset-storm, with clouds of charcoal gray filling the sky, rimmed with dramatic golds and reds.

Suddenly, we all gasped when two “eyes” simultaneously “opened up” to the northwest, glowing gold. The two eye-shaped spots opened together as if they had upper and lower lids, and after we’d all noticed them and expressed surprise, they closed together. A moment later, two identical “eyes” opened up about 20 degrees higher in the sky and, after we’d again exclaimed in astonishment at their similarity to the first two eyes, they too closed.

The next thing we knew, my daughter stood up, saying she wanted to go inside. I recognized she was uncomfortable, which I attributed to the mystical nature of the “eyes.” I stood up to follow her, saying, “It means something. I know it means something.”

Having turned to go inside, now facing south, I noticed the next strange thing – but the whole event doesn’t make sense unless we accept that we’d all had “missing time”: A new opening in the clouds to the south caused us to gasp again, but this time, instead of light shining through, we saw the dark, starry sky. (Had an hour or more of time passed, for which we had no memory?)

The opening was just a long strange-shaped crack – exactly the shape to show just the stars of Scorpio, but no other stars! I knew this was an omen, and stood in amazement while the others hurried inside. I did not know that Scorpio is often a sign of death; I only knew that the sting was hurtful. “Something painful has happened,” I said, adding, “something to do with a shaman” – the last words I had no idea why I’d said them, except that I’d felt them.

The next day, we got the message that a friend had died in a tragic car accident that night, in Washington state – to the northwest, the direction of the eyes. Within a few days, I’d also learn that she’d spent the last year traveling in Mexico, living and training with a shaman and a midwife, and people were beginning to call her a shaman.

Unknown In short, yes, I believe we can get signs everywhere (from truthful spirits and tricksters – so beware). And I’m grateful to have received these playful messages this week, reminding me.

Good Health Practices for Any Sort of Healing Need

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Fred Burks just sent me an email full of health practices that I wish I’d written (and I’ve been meaning to write, but haven’t gotten around to it). If you’re feeling the need for a “check up,” check out Fred’s list here:

http://www.wanttoknow.info/health/health-practices.

– and then check out the rest of his site, especially his tab on Mind Control! His site contains “reliable, verifiable information on major cover-ups and a call to work together for the good of all!” Thanks, Fred.

Kurt Vonnegut

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Friday Random Beauty: Pregnant Preying Mantis waves at me ~

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While I was sitting in the sunroom the other day, a very pregnant-looking preying mantis came to the window and tapped on it repeatedly – as if trying to get my attention – maybe to let her in.

From outside, you can see her swollen abdomen – babies for next season’s help in the garden?

I chose to let her stay outside, but enjoyed taking a few photos.

Cat, Peaches, enjoys the dappled-light of the sunroom too.

I also enjoyed making a few improvements to the narrow sunroom – only 3 1/2 feet wide, but functional as both a sitting space and a passive solar addition to the house! I hung artwork, covered the tattered cushion with a forgotten piece of fabric, brought the basil in pots inside for the winter, blocked a distracting view with a screen I had stored, and splurged on a pretty carpet runner.

A late-season zinnia greets us near the front door. What brilliant and long-lasting color!

These simple pleasures also remind me (again) of something very important: When I’m happiest, I write the least. That means readers of this blog usually hear the worst and I need to remember to keep it in balance.

This “Friday Random Beauty” series will help me correct that.

“They” may occasionally use my mind (or one hologram of it) and body, but they do not touch my spirit.

Second Sunday Summary: Surprising Spiritual Healing

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The week’s highlights:
~ a powerful (and surprising!) heart-healing experience
~ discovered and rediscovered reading and videos
~ cleaned and cleared energy in house and yard
~ decision to limit computer use

Most amazing first: It began with a massage. Greg thought he was being intuitive, but I experienced it as being gouged in that soft spot just below the heart at the highest point beneath the ribs. It was so shocking that I ended the massage and was physically ill for two days afterward.

Greg felt terrible to have caused me pain and was confused because he didn’t think he’d gouged me at all. I went through bouts of serious fear that he’s multiple too and had subconsciously (in another alter) tried to hurt me. I freaked out quietly and practiced being calm and open-minded that maybe something else had happened that I just couldn’t understand yet. As my friend Darlene often says, “More will be revealed.”

As soon as Greg left for work the next morning, I called a healer friend. After asking me a few questions to eliminate more serious possibilities, she told me to treat myself very gently that day, hold that place, send it love, and give myself permission to cry. I did all those things, cried, then refocused on the work I wanted to do that day. But I also read a bit online and became convinced that Greg had bruised my liver.

For two days I moved slowly, skipped exercise, and the second day called a Nurse Hotline to make sure there wasn’t something else I should know about a possibly bruised liver, and was encouraged to go to Urgent Care – which I thought I’d do, but decided to keep doctors out of it.

My journaling was full of hate and despair for two days, though I could always turn my attention back to working on this site. (I had signed up for a WordPress blogging course, so it was helpful to keep my mind otherwise occupied.) I also slept two long 10-hour nights.

The second morning, my journal says, we talked in bed from 4:45 − 8:45 — four hours! – after which I wrote in the margin, “Really??” – meaning that I wondered if there was some amnesic time in there – more stuff I might have worried about, but I didn’t.

Instead, I felt inspired to do yoga for the first time in many, many months. I continued to upgrade my website, deciding it was worth spending the money on to be able to load videos onto. That was immensely satisfying.

Later, I went to exercise and worked the machines with more power and conscious sensation of my physical body than I usually have – of muscles exerting and relaxing, exerting and relaxing – fascinating and very satisfying. I marveled at this and was happy to tell Greg when I got home.

That evening when I finished my website work, Greg was playing music in the living room, songs I like to harmonize with, so I sat down and I joined him in a few.

Suddenly, I became aware that the area around my heart and liver felt different. The writer in me sought for the descriptive word, so I focused my attention there, and seemed to perceive a hole, an opening – something through which energy was moving! Energy was flowing, breathing in this place – so central to singing, obviously – so that now I could perceive – after the fact – the blockage that I’d always known was there but couldn’t feel or address, and now the blockage was gone.

I thought to test whether this was the blockage that had dogged my singing all these years, see whether I could sing with more power now, and I did notice a little new energy flowing up and into my voice. It was exciting. But I was tired. It had been a difficult couple of days, and I’d expended a lot of energy already in exercise, and it was late, so I’m looking forward to the next practice.

Apparently, Greg had pushed a trigger in me, probably something that has existed locked up in me for decades, hurting me for a few days, but ultimately releasing an old knot of something that had been clenched in my chest for who-knows-how-long.

I’ve heard more than once that sometimes in spiritual healing, you don’t need to re-experience all the horrors to clear them; sometimes, you can just feel the general essence of them, acknowledge them consciously, and “let them go,” bless them for whatever learning or wisdom they brought, however difficult, and let them go.

Sometimes they’re biggies and might take lifetimes to heal. However long we carry them, eventually, when we understand enough and accept enough, they can be released. And we feel the release in our bodies, and our bodies becomes freer, our minds become freer, our emotions become freer.

And I’m so grateful. (And grateful that I didn’t waste much time in “Oh, my God, this is horrible” mode. That would have been a big waste of time.)

“More will be revealed.” Yes, sometimes it makes the best sense to just suspend judgement and wait for that more. Thanks, Dar.

And thanks, Greg! And Elizabeth.

Not to say that some of those dark things that had me in their spell for a few decades doesn’t represent some important truth worth knowing. They are very worth knowing; they just aren’t the whole truth.

Even when we think they’re the most controlling energies in our lives, we need to remember they’re not All. There are also wonderful energies dancing all around us all the time.

We must experience both, but we don’t need to go down the drain just because some of the energies seem to want to pull us there. Our job is to keep rediscovering our relationship and learning new skills. (Hmmm, sounds like my old definition of shamanism.)

(Ironically, the last accomplishment I’d noted in my journal before the massage that kicked off my heart disturbance and healing was the creation of a new Spiritual Healing page, “Healing Help,” in which I compiled my best offerings.)

From teacherweb.com

My other favorite writing this week: My first “Friday Foundation” series, “Mind Control in World History,” my first “Friday Random Beauty” post, a few new paragraphs at the end of my Home page, and a draft, “Scribe for our times” post that isn’t up yet.

Rediscovered writing and videos: The transcript of DC Hammond’s “Greenbaum Speech,” offering the psychotherapist community help in healing multiples, and The Century of the Self video series – we’ll be rewatching all four hours of these over the next weeks – they’re that good, and that important.

Just discovered last night: The Culture High:….”is the riveting story that tears into the very fiber of modern day marijuana prohibition to reveal the truth behind the arguments and motives governing both those who support and oppose the existing pot laws. … incredibly moving testimonials from both sides of the spectrum. Top celebrities, former undercover agents, university professors and a slew of unforgettable characters from all points of view come together for an amusing yet insightful portrait of cannabis prohibition and the grasp it has on society as a whole.”

And the Citizens Commission on Human Rights videos – regarding the abuse that psychiatry has become – in a series of engaging, entertaining, and scary videos. Maybe a little heavy-handed at times, but I’ll be watching more and reporting back.

One more accomplishment is both negative and positive: I collected a huge to-do list from my last weeks’ journals. So I gotta ask my muses – or multiples with so many great ideas: You/we gotta slow down.” Breathe. They’re all on a list. Nothing bad will happen if any don’t get done. Relax.

So, I decided I want to limit my computer work. When I was a hermit on the land, I always kept a commitment to turn off the computer before sunset and to be out on the west patio every evening, whatever the weather, watching the sun set and the light change from day to night. It was a wonderful practice.

Not a normal New Mexico sunset, this sky was made dramatic by smoke from a nearby forest fire, 2012.

My new home here is nestled into a hill on the eastern slope of the southern Rocky Mountains, which block the dramatic views that were the daily staple of my previous life. Now, to the west, there’s just small-town neighborhood rising up the hillside toward the Continental Divide. So I lost my daily sunset habit, and sometimes now I write all night long.

So, to support my healing, I want to write and otherwise be on the computer only part-time, and so I plan to experiment, and see whether I can turn off the computer at noon or early afternoon each day, leave behind the world of ideas in bits and bytes, and make it a joyful ritual to go into the garden (or the sunroom if the weather is unpleasant outside) and see how the plants are doing, reconnect with the living world.

This alter-like art was created in the flow of clearing energy recently!

Healing comes in lots of forms. The most recent I’ve encountered and written about are: accidental (thanks to spirit helpers guiding us), clearing space in our physical environment (a biggie!), spending wordless time in the garden, exercise, and eating excellent, tasty, healing food.

Wishing you, my readers, many healing blessings,
And very grateful for mine ~

Jean

Jean Eisenhower
Silver City, NM
November 3, 2014

Mind Control, Multiple Personality, & Me

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For subscribers who haven’t visited in awhile, I’m posting the contents of my new Home page. The entire site has been recently reorganized, rewritten, and become, I hope, a more useful, and “friendly,” resource for those needing to learn about this subject. I invite you to visit.

I am an educator on mind control, artist, author, publisher, mind-controlled “multiple personality” in healing, and activist working for the healing and human rights of mind control subjects.

To that end, I offer these pages of information – non-academic, easy-to-read – which touch on folklore, history, religion, spirituality, cosmos, and culture as they relate to mind control and multiple personality — along with my personal, on-going reports on the path to healing. Below is a 3-minute video, produced in 2010:

Is Multiple Personality Disorder “crazy”? Actually, it’s considered a creative solution, usually emerging accidentally in childhood, to keep from going crazy when experiencing something like torture. The vast majority of us experienced torture as children in one way or another.

Children under torturous conditions who don’t “leave their bodies” and dissociate, and the torture is repeated, usually become schizophrenic. So dissociation, MPD, is a blessing in disguise, as it’s fairly easy to heal (unless complicated by mind control); whereas, schizophrenia is considered incurable.

How it comes about, in simple terms: Under extreme stress, a person, especially a child, might “leave their body” to escape unbearable pain; the mind, however, keeps recording – now on a blank slate – which then becomes another personality. This creates a pattern in the person called dissociation; with ongoing stress, the pattern is repeated. (Today MPD is called Dissociative Identity Disorder, but many of us prefer the old term.)

2012

2013

Being a multiple personality has not been easy, but it’s been far less difficult than typically depicted in books and movies, and in some ways, it seems to be an advantage: I have the capacity to manage a wide variety of mental tasks, as I seem to have a lot of “minds” holographically in my being. Managing them is the trick, and I have always done pretty well, most of the time. (At the bottom of this post are some of my accomplishments.)

The common perception of “multiples,” as being tragically out of their own control, is true for some, but many multiples are also very high-functioning, even testing at genius levels (as I have a few times), though they often have severe mental, psychological, emotional, and spiritual challenges — as readers of my book can appreciate.

Mind Control There’s also, obviously, a very serious downside to “multipleness,” which is that the people or groups who created my alters probably still have access to my programming and may continue to re-program me to use at will. When they do, I have bizarre perceptions, find wounds on my body, and afterward usually am severely depressed and sometimes emotionally incapacitated for extended periods of time.

Despite the foregoing, I must acknowledge the positive aspect of multiple-ness because it masks my disability. In other words, I look not only “sane” and “normal” nearly all the time, but sometimes exceptional; therefore, a person might ask, how could my crazy theory be true?

I also mention the positive aspect because it contains my hope for full recovery: Having the perspective of many minds, I have, since 1993, been working with my alters, untangling messes, and removing unwanted programs. It has taken time and emotional stamina, sometimes incapacitating me for mundane things, at which times, I have not appeared “exceptional” at all, but severely messed up. And I’m still not “one.” But, I’m working on it.

2013

Friends and acquaintances who know my story often don’t know what to make of it, because they rarely see the symptoms or don’t recognize them, so I’m accepted well enough in my community to be employed (when I want and am able) and have a wide circle of friends. Besides, so many people are struggling with something.

My hidden disability, though, makes it very hard to make a living, and I’ve been bailed out by my parents many times. Good therapists seem to be rare and hard to find, or else I’ve been controlled to avoid them, or they’ve been threatened by my controllers into avoiding treating me (commonly reported by others).

The worst of my experiences involving apparent mind control – that I recall – happened in 2010: I woke up extremely debilitated after a ten-hour sleep and found a third-degree Taser burn on my arm.

2014 This bruise showed up ten days after another very similar showed up on the back of my leg. No explanation except…

Much more is documented on this site, including weird bruises, apparent injection bruises (most common), a broken door lock, deep vaginal lacerations, biopsy “scoop marks,” and more.

Why am I not terrified? Well, I have been, and suicidal more times than I can count. But I’ve talked myself out of it. I’ve worked and prayed to try to understand our world, Good and Evil, the psyche and our power to navigate treacherous waters. And here I am.

Life has been moving on an upward course since I’ve been focusing my spiritual practice. I have a wonderful home and garden, lots of friends and friendly acquaintances, a supportive partner, enough work to pay the bills, and a satisfying artist’s life.

After 38 years of never singing in public (stage phobia related to mind control), in 2009 I began to sing publicly again – a most amazing breakthrough for my mind and psyche. And I’ve regained my ability to participate in life and see what Goodness I can add to our amazing human drama here.

And as a life-long activist for a variety of causes (saving mountains and downtown inner city schools, for instance), I now feel called to shine light on this criminal enterprise which steals people’s free will. I thank you very much for reading this far. I applaud your courage.

How do I really know I was a mind control subject? Check this page for a little bit more of my personal and family history.

I pray the content here and in my book helps others trying to understand their own stories and heal.

My best advice after gathering information: Remember fear and anger are natural, but a stage to go through and to move beyond. Remember that everything Good in this world is stronger, eventually, than the Dark, and focus on that Good. And check out my pages on Healing!

If you believe in a benevolent Higher Power, by whatever name, connect, hold fast, communicate, listen, and keep the best possible vision in mind in order to generate a vibration sympathetic with the energies of the Higher Power.

Today I believe these experiences have blessed me with one other thing: greater awareness than I would ever have had of the larger realities of this world. Therefore, they are extremely important to my life. We do believe we have the power to survive, understand, and help things improve for each other.

I have no idea exactly how. I feel that everyone on this planet, though, is facing a huge cataclysm very soon, and our world will change in ways we are probably not prepared for, and our minds are probably not prepared for.

So it will require an especially flexible mind to survive the ontological shock I believe is coming. And those of us who’ve already been shocked out of our shoes – who knows? – we might find it easier to adapt and see and respond to what’s going on.

Ontological shock is the disorientation a person endures when deep foundations of their mental framework become shaken. It will change our entire meaning of life – and who we think we are as humans. (Sort of like many lifelong Catholics have been experiencing for a decade or more, or a married person feels when they discover their spouse is cheating, or a parent feels when a baby is born with a problem, or anyone feels when someone near them suddenly dies – but much bigger.)

Our current structure of thought will not survive the changes. Words will truly fail us. So it’s imperative we get our energies, our vibrations clear, to be able to trust our perceptions.

Blessings on you ~

(p.s. All these photos were taken in the last couple of years, though I often look decades different in age.)

More info

For more on how it feels – to me – to be a multiple personality, check out this page: Multiple-ness: What it Feels Like.

For a quick definition and overview of Mind Control – check out my page “Mind Control Defined.”

For links to some of my Healing posts, check out “Hope for Healing.”

And please remember to “Join/Listen!” (Button’s up top in the right corner.)

Off this site, WantToKnow.info has an excellent site with mainstream documentation on many controversial topics, including mind control.

Accomplishments:

Author: RattleSnake Fire: a memoir of extra-dimensional experience;
The 2013 or Year One Almanac, Datebook, and Journal;
the 2004 Almanac/Datebook/Journal for Southern Arizona;
the 2003 Almanac, Datebook and Journal for Tucson and Southern Arizona;
the international Permaculture Drylands Journal (associate editor, 1989-91);
and numerous articles and newsletters, including international publications.
Praise: “great literature….tour de force!….important historical document,” and more.

Awards in journalism (UPI First Place, Arizona-Utah region), creative writing, art, theater, videography, real estate, Permaculture, and national recognition for non-profit fundraising. Others: served in Leaders Circle of Tucson Resources for Women. Invited to Leadership Tucson and Mensa. Served on numerous local boards, twice as president.

Thanks for visiting ~

“Friday Foundation” [of this MK stuff]

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Each week, after posting “Friday Random Beauty,” I plan to post a yin/yang opposite essay titled “Friday Foundation” [of this MK stuff]. This is the first.

From teacherweb.com

“Mind Control in History” led a recent poll of my readers for subjects you’re most interested in.

By coincidence, I happened to touch on the subject in my journal this week when I was feeling particularly down:

My choices are: amnesic slavery to criminal psychopaths who threaten me with more torture, or…?

I guess a lot of humans have lived with this choice. In fact, I think it’s the history of the world. (Does it make me feel better – that I’m not all alone in this? Hardly, but I feel that my eyes have been opened.)

We pretend those millennia of slavery were in our barbaric past, but I’m realizing now they’re still very much with us – just taboo to be spoken of, as we all go about the ruse that we’re free in this nation.

The impoverished majority knows we are not free, but they dare not speak it for fear their few freedoms will be lost. People of the “wrong” race, people of certain bloodlines (mind controlled), and people who’ve been randomly abused by the rulers know, but most of us usually keep quiet when things go mostly our way.

Because I’m not a historian (far from it!), this will not be a comprehensive treatment of the world history of mind control, but I promise, with readers’ help, to add to this page over time. So I welcome – no, strongly encourage, plead for – your comments, reminders, and educated additions to my scattershot ramblings here.

“History is written by the conquerors,” we’ve all been told, and so I’ve always distrusted and disrespected it, and sure enough, Americans are beginning to understand now how much of our history has been a lie. Still, of what we think we know, much of it supports my thesis.

From teacherweb.com

The image above I chose because it defines history unapologetically as “The Game of Rising Empires and Falling Powers.” (Thank you, poster artist, for being so honest.) It’s all about consolidating planetary power and control – and I assert that it includes mind control and has for a very long time.

Let’s start as far back as we know, in Sumer. Sumer appeared suddenly on Earth, seemingly out of nowhere (as if dropped from the sky), with a full-blown civilization including roads, plumbing, language, law, accounting, libraries, universities, armies, religions, etc. – when nowhere before had there been anything but stone age artifacts. American academia tells us its appearance is a “mystery” yet to be solved, while they denounce a very logical explanation from the Sumerians themselves!

The Sumerian library contains tens of thousands of clay tables impressed with their history, accounting, genealogies, legal proceedings, and other records. American academics, though, tell us the history is only fable, even though that history neatly explains the “unsolved mystery.”

Scientific process asks us to consider all the evidence, even if we don’t like it, and even if people in power tell us not to look at it. So let’s look! (Maybe we’ll discover some American academic mind control.)

The Sumerians went to great effort to leave a detailed record about the civilization created on Earth when the Anunnaki (“people who came from above”) decided to settle here to mine gold. When their workers rebelled at the conditions in the gold mines, they undertook genetic engineering to create new slaves who would accept being miners – resulting in the first Earth humans.

But the humans rebelled, and the Anunnaki (gods) continued to be frustrated that the humans demanded so much. The gods used punishment, offered rewards, and created moral codes and religions, setting up priests to lead the people. And when humans especially frustrated them, they decided to let the entire population be wiped out by a Flood they knew was coming.

After the Flood, as recounted in the Hebrew Bible – which has apparently consolidated the Sumerian story of two ruling Anunnaki brothers into a single, self-contradictory deity – Enlil/Jehovah decided, when a few humans survived, to let them live but to shorten their lifespan from hundreds of years to 120 years, so that humans wouldn’t have time to learn enough about their own lives and pass it on to their children, thereby keeping the race dumbed down – mind control by genetic engineering.

And sure enough, today most people in their later years realize they haven’t really understood life well enough, especially with the lies we’re told in school, to live well until they are almost outa here!

Now, add to that our American culture’s idealization of youth and disregard of the aged, and we can see how elder wisdom has little chance of being passed on to succeeding generations, assuring that the rulers of culture, rather than parents or grandparents, will determine the mindsets of the people.

Of course, minions were needed for the rulers to accomplish all they have, so some humans were recruited into higher ranks, given perks, and so began class and racial distinction, secret societies, racial strife, and more.

This is painting with a very broad brush, I acknowledge, but it explains a lot that exists on Earth, which I assert is not human-caused. It’s caused by gods (small g) manipulating humans throughout the eons, perverting and despoiling human potential for the gods’ own purposes. Some might even call these gods demons. (And one particular demon asserts that he and all who follow him may be gods. Interesting twists in language and meaning, huh!?)

I hope my interpretation of the gods is not confused with my or anyone’s concept of God (capital G), a loving Prime Source Creator, which I do choose to believe in. The confusion between God and gods and demons is likely an intentional part of our cultural mind control – complicated even further by the use of the oversimplified word alien – which we’ll deal with in another post.

Dictionaries have always been created by the rulers. Look to see what they include and what they don’t. For instance, heathen and pagan, the dictionaries tell us, mean someone Godless; yet those words only meant “people of the heath” (meadow-dwellers) and “people of the forest” – but those meanings were perverted when the people living in nature resisted the Catholic Church’s efforts to draw them to the city with threats of the terrors of The Inquisition! Language and social control operating hand-in-hand.

Even today, all the words used for millennia to describe the changing of the seasons – Samhain, for instance, the “cross-quarter” day between the Autumn Equinox and Winter Solstice, that has become Halloween – and is still observed by many who now call themselves pagans – and the rest of the eight days, except for Yule (Winter Solstice), are simply ignored, though you can find many other less-used cross-cultural words in the dictionary. Controllers of language are working hard to keep us separated from nature – and I suggest: our more-powerful natural selves.

Regarding our concept of time, (excerpt from an earlier post), Jose Arguelles published in 2002 a substantial book – Time and the Technosphere – calling the Gregorian calendar the most fundamental aspect of human mind control. (A web search for the title will bring up many videos and articles by others resonating with this idea that the calendar is basic to our control.)

While some of the metaphysics of Arguelle’s book feels beyond me, I’ve certainly felt the subtle mind control that it is.

From the time we sit in kindergarten, reciting, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…, we understand we are part of a system which cycles 5-2-5-2-5-2-5-2…work 5 long days, play 2 short days, work long, play short, work long, play short. And everything from that moment on which has anything to do with a calendar reminds us that we are part of a world of 5-2-5-2-5-2, work long, play short.

The natural world teaches us something nicer: slower cycles of 14-14-14-14… and balance.

As I wrote in all my Almanacs:

Ancient people invented – or discerned – patterns that seemed to facilitate harmonious living, that encouraged an energetic cycling of activity and rest, like inhaling and exhaling, waking and sleeping, summer energy and winter hibernation….

Today’s lifestyle requires many people to work intently for five consecutive days, resting for only two, relying on caffeine and/or other drugs to keep themselves going. Perhaps the equal cycles of waning and waxing moons might inspire us to create more balance in our lives.

18910-050-28F62F41

There are many more types of social mind control: manipulative economics, false education (mixed with useful), indoctrinated racism, violence, threats of violence, genocide, malnutrition, toxic environments, political charades, and more. All these influence our ability to think, our thinking processes, our moods, our initiative, etc.

Along the way, someone discovered hypnosis and the propensity for certain traumatized people (handy that rulers have often traumatized people) to “dissociate,” become suggestible, amnesic and obedient. In the 19th century in Europe, people like Anton Mesmer drew world attention for dramatic stage shows and crowds of the well-to-do seeking “healing” by “magnetism.” By the 1940s, European police, eyewitnesses and court were the first to extensively document the plight of one victim of criminal mind control, Palle Hardrup, which I wrote about in an earlier (and most searched-for) post.

Eventually, less brutal broad-scale mind control was directed through “news” and entertainment. Then it was personalized with highly sophisticated means of delivering to each person exactly what pacifies each.

So here we sit, in front of our computers, working, surely, and enjoying connection with friends and loved ones, but also accessing pleasure of an infinite variety, feeling a sense of participation, given creative expression, filling up our days with whatever we want, ready at our fingertips, keeping us too occupied to resist whatever culture has in store for us next. We can choose to learn history, but most people will choose pleasure.

If we think do we want to change something, we click an icon to tell our political representatives to please vote this way or that, but most of those politicians are mind controlled and paid well to ignore us.

What historical aspects of mind control are most glaring to you? I’d love to hear from you.

“Friday Random Beauty”

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Fridays at the Paradigm Salon will now bring a yin-yang of complementarity with Friday Random Beauty and Friday Foundation [of this MK Stuff].

To begin the Friday Random Beauty series, I’m offering this example of the type of art I try to create all around me.

bathroom art Years ago, a book came into my life, titled “Altars,” advocating an alter in every room of one’s house as well as various places outdoors. Basically, anything can be an altar if it causes us to stop and reflect. And the author’s point was that we could use reminders like this many times a day and in many locations. I began creating altars and immediately found myself increasing the frequency of my mini-meditations or moments of mindfulness throughout the day – and the frequency of my healing events! So I highly recommend this.

This “alter” is in the bathroom, so it’s made up of a couple of plants, each with crystals around their bases, lavender from a friend’s garden placed in a thrift-store pitcher, and a few things we use in the bathroom that I think are pretty: oils in natural or ornate containers, my natural earth-pigment duster (blush) in its pottery jar, perfume in a carved-stone container, primitive-pottery earrings hung on the rim of a small hand-crafted pot, pottery water glass, wooden hand mirror, and my own framed, seven-sided-mandala art. At the base of the tall cactus is a tiny bottle in which I place tiny fresh flowers from the garden – even “weeds” will be there sometimes. (These bright fuscia flowers are the desert salvia gregorii from my front door.) I also like how everything is reflected in the mirror.

I don’t need an art studio or any expensive materials! I can play with these common things I already own any moment that the urge hits. And this art can change any time I want to change it.

This sort of approach to art keeps me feeling that, despite all, life can be creative, beautiful, and thereby meaningful. It lifts my spirits many times a day and puts me in the mood to look for beauty everywhere.

Other ways I create beauty can be found at my sister site, JeanEisenhower.com, which contains a collection of a variety of my artistic inclinations, including sketches, fabric art (from recycled materials), natural plaster sculpture (from recycled materials and dirt), garden design, and more! Check it out!

Re: Friday Foundation [of this Mind Control Stuff]

From teacherweb.com

In a recent poll to help me set my focus of developing this less-fun, but important, series, readers gave the most votes to “Mind Control in History,” which will be the next post I publish shortly.

Stay tuned! It’s provocative!

New Video Page

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Hi Friends,

Many new improvements on my site! New organization, new material, new look!

Among them: a new video page – with almost a dozen videos watchable right there!

The first video, lovingly and artfully crafted back in 2010, went immediately viral, with a thousand hits both the first and second week, and continues to get shared and viewed widely.

body marks still The series of videos, each 5-8 minutes long, I produced to provide a simple overview of criminal mind control, multiple personality disorder, and my healing work. There’s an introduction, and each subsequent video covers briefly one subject: my experience with MPD; my experience with MK; reasons I believe I was chosen; marks left on my body; memories from childhood; a reading of the first chapter of a friend’s book which sets the scene quite well for mind control in American history; and my immediate recounting of a cathartic healing event.

And then there’s 35 more videos by others, which link to YouTube – but one click and all 35 are lined up and ready to watch or choose from: Terrence McKenna, Colin Ross, Travis Walton, and many others speaking on American culture, mind control, and other related topics!

I hope you’ll visit! https://paradigmsalon.wordpress.com/videos/

Can the Horrors of Halloween Drain Away, Leaving Room for Fun?

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I only realized this year (age 62) how October has NO FEELINGS associated with it – when actually it should be associated with GORGEOUS weather, a perfect time to be outside enjoying the last flowers, the last harvest, the last of certain bird species, and on and on, not to mention getting the gardens ready for winter. Instead, I’ve been staying indoors and missing it all – “forgetting” – until someone helped me realize this recently. Yeah! So yesterday, I spent an hour in the evening in the garden. Hope this helps others.

Discussing Dissociation

Fun caterpillar pumpkins, found on the SJCPL Blog

For most dissociative trauma survivors, Halloween is a difficult time.

Halloween is an expansion filled with horrific memories, vivid flashbacks, overwhelming darkness, and uncomforted fear.

Internal systems flip and change, with those typically lodged in the back finding their way to the front, making the usual everyday feel completely different from before. Working with these dark parts is essential for healing. They may frighten you, but they need your patience, understanding, and compassion for having survived the horrors they had no choice but to endure.

Living through the Halloween season with active PTSD and heavy traumatic overtones may be as delicate and sensitive as fighting for one deep breath after another.

It hurts. It’s scary. It’s confusing.

For survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder, and survivors of Ritual Abuse, the pain is real, and the struggles last year after…

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First “Sunday Summary of Soul Healing” – new weekly feature

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This Sunday Summary of Soul Healing I intend to make a weekly series, featuring the most significant of my week’s journal entries including spiritual experiences, disturbing anomalies, accomplishments, and progress on my Big Questions.

(My poll here last week said that “personal experiences” was a major interest of my readers.)

I plan to keep it short and to the point. So here goes….

Note: This first Sunday Summary will cover the previous two and a half weeks, rather than one week, laying a better foundation for the weekly series.

My last journal notebook ended with 2 Big Questions, one of which was: Is mind control “just what is” and we should all learn to accept it? (This is not as depressing a proposition as I’ve mused on it – but I’ll get to that soon.)

~ This journal began with a bang: October 9 I was so speedy (and I drink no caffeine), that I couldn’t believe how much I was getting done, though I was happy about it. Eventually I began to worry about myself. (Getting seriously manic? Will I become seriously depressed next? I’m usually a highly productive person, as I was trained to be, but this is over the top!) In the evening, I was embarrassed when my daughter came over with a friend and I was not just chatty but practically performing a humor routine while cooking and having a blast! Not me.

The next day I crashed and for the next 9 days, my sleep was extremely erratic – anywhere from 4 hours to 11 hours, but my days were approximately normal. Then…

Yet another. Always the same: small, in the flesh of my thigh.

~ Disturbing anomalies – three new hypodermic bruises (they seem to me, or they could be Taser marks, as they often seem double) appeared where they usually do – on one of my thighs. I discovered this on the 18th – though it might have been there earlier.

Circles indicate location. (One of them is actually a double bruise.

On the 19th, I discovered two more, and one was clearly double, and I had no energy, just drug around all day in a stupor. And both days, I ignored my notebook journal all day long.

[In case new readers think these tiny bruises are “nothing,” I have to say I would agree except for the context: I’ve woken with many hundreds of weird marks on my body in the last decade, including healed surgical scars, Taser burns, weird donut-shaped bruises, and more (check my “Photo History” and “Summary of 18 Months as an MK Subject“), not to mention all the other evidence of mind control.]

~ A lifelong recorder of my dreams, I’m still experiencing long periods of not being able to remember any – and I worry the controllers are keeping me from remembering them, since I believe they’re important to my healing. I even told some dreams to my partner – instead of writing them down – and then promptly forgot them! And then he couldn’t remember either.

~ Energy infusion – October 20, sitting at my computer, I had what I call an “energy infusion,” in which energy pours into me with such power, I have to stop what I’m doing and just receive it. It feels great, not frightening at all, and usually I just get back to work, as I did this time. In the past, these experiences have sometimes resulted in fascinating conversations with spiritual beings offering me good counsel. Perhaps I had a conversation but don’t remember.

hulk (Context: In the past, when I’ve tried to describe the sensation, the only thing I could compare it to in our spiritually-compromised culture was my old memory of Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno in the 1978-82 TV show, The Hulk, when energy would pour into Bill’s character, causing his back to hump up and his arms and legs to tighten, just before the Hulk went on a rampage to right some intolerable injustice. In my book, I flippantly called my energy infusion events “the Hulk routine” because the energy download flows powerfully into my muscles – and I can’t stop it. But, as I said, it feels great. Afterward, I feel energized and rejuvenated. When others have been around and have seen the energy contort my muscles, I’ve usually tried to disguise it and have occasionally moved as if spontaneously deciding to stretch, once danced with it, and at least once posed, trying to hide behind a little humor, a bit like Lou Ferrigno is here, sans roar, and without ripping my clothes or turning green. I’m shy about these events – have never heard anyone describe anything like this, so this is only the second time I’ve written about them. Sometimes, the experiences have come with profound healing events. Once, I suddenly felt the presence of teenage-aspects of me, a lot of them, all wounded and crippled, suddenly released and sorta milling about in me, then whoosh, they began to flow up and out into another dimension, freeing me of all their pain and confusion. I then called in Goodness and Healing to fill the space. Once after an infusion, I sensed a spirit who seemed very familiar, existing in other dimensions, and I asked her, “Who are you?” She didn’t answer (or I was programmed to forget), but she gave me one bit of advice: “You gotta buff up.” The jargon was so unexpected, it struck me as very funny. But, since I had gotten out of shape and overweight, I answered, Okay, and have been working to keep on a better health regimen now. I have no idea how many energy infusions I’ve experienced – I’d have to read a few dozen hand-written journals to make a count, and I’m not going to do that any time soon – and I probably don’t write them all down, they’re that common – but it’s been a few dozen anyway.)

A few minutes after the energy infusion, I experienced a fairy-like being dancing near me, even inside my aura, in another dimension. I love those experiences! I didn’t get or don’t remember any particular message, but I sure appreciate it when they drop in. Continuing to feel great, I worked again until 5:30 in the morning.

~ Two days later, I “crashed” and felt sick all day. Then I was back to normal. The day after, though, I felt okay until l tried to meditate or pray. My writing turned from sad to musing on being off this planet and out of this life as a mind control subject – I used the word suicidal (not uncommon) – but I recovered and got myself back to normal. In bed that night, I received another energy infusion that went on unusually long, and I directed it into a spontaneous yogic stretch exercise, for ten minutes or more, which felt extremely healing.

Unfortunately, as I began to communicate with my Spirit Family, I experienced something not uncommon that I interpret as communications-jamming from the controllers: black and white films (seemingly chosen randomly from old libraries) played on top of each other in my mind’s eye while I tried to connect with Family. (The films are varied and nothing from my own life: from dusty street scenes in third-world nations to boating trips involving people I’ve never seen.) As I wrestled to clear my energy field, I saw my aura being pulled out of my body while an idea teased that I could leave this life now if I wanted. I had to do spiritual warfare to keep my body and spirit together and drive the vision away. This weirdness is intense and also pretty routine – I seem to be developing skills to cope with it – so I accomplished the feat, went to sleep, and the next day was “normal.”

~ During this time, I mulled over – a lot – a blog I’ve been thinking of posting, titled, “Mind Control: Just What Is?” The idea continued to pester me, and grieved me at the same time. Just now, I discovered it was already posted (last April!) and read it again and think it’s well worth discussing.

~ Related to that, I’ve been mulling over a question I’ve actually been asking myself for at least a year or more: Is the way controllers treat their mind control subjects like me no worse than most of humanity treats other animals (either directly or complicitly through tax dollars and no objection)? I believe the answer is yes. And then I’ve asked my journal, Does that mean we’re not necessarily dealing with “Evil” from an external source as many claim (Satan’s demons spawning Satanists, Illuminati, and murderous psychopaths in secret government programs), but just dealing with a fractal-like manifestation of our own human selves, macrocosm reflecting our microcosm? And the corollary: If we, collectively, learn to treat animals and the planet better, might other humans stop creating and abusing mind control subjects?

I have partial answers to these questions, hinted at in “Mind Control: Just What Is?”, but there’s more complexity I need to introduce soon. For now, I’ll leave you with this “Summary” and welcome your observations and questions.

(Lest this all sound too wacky for you and you want to write it all off – wait! Perhaps your world view (your paradigm) could use some stretching. To that end, you might want to read my pages “Multiple Personality – Not Crazy,” “Jean’s Spiritual History,” “Mind Control Defined,” and/or my business site, JeanEisenhower.com, with a fairly extensive history of my accomplishments in business, activism, and the arts.)

I also plan to write a Friday weekly series on folklore, history, religion, culture, cosmos, and spirit – as they relate to mind control, multiple personality, and healing – starting this Friday. Any ideas for the series title? Philosophical Friday? Fundamental Friday? Foundational Friday? Friday Folklore and More?

Creating Reality?

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For years I’ve wavered between appreciation and being highly pissed-off when I’ve heard people talk about “creating our own realities.”

(“Yeah, tell that to a baby who’s being …,” I used to say.)

So it is with a sense of irony, humility, and real appreciation that I repost part of an email from Jon Rappaport, along with a link to his site. This is the beginning of a sale pitch for a package he’s selling – out of my price range, so I won’t buy – BUT just the approach he presents to this very important question is quite powerful I believe.

I’ll use it to further empower some new ideas that have been stirring in me, and attitudes I’ve been practicing now for a little while that have helped me a great deal with healing.

The Matrix Revealed: victimized or inspired?

By Jon Rappoport

October 25, 2014

www.nomorefakenews.com

When I was putting together my collection, The Matrix Revealed, I was acutely aware that people, when confronted by external power structures, often fall into a state of despair.

This is, in fact, an objective of mind control. It seeks to trap people with their own knowledge.

It seeks to make insight a self-defeating proposition.

But there is another way.

When a person sees the “artistic” blow-by-blow creation of these power structures, in progress—rather than the finished product—an entirely new consciousness arises.

“If they can create Reality for me, I can create my own.”

“If they are artists, I can be an artist, too—but in an entirely different direction.”

The Matrix ceases to be a monolith. It is revealed as an ongoing weave, and one can see the process at work.

Then, one’s own insight operates on behalf of liberation.

A person can actually see how he cooperates in the progression of accepting “the weave.”

And he sees other options.

JE: Spider Woman, of Native American lore, constantly weaves and reweaves the Web. Let’s keep weaving – and making it beautiful.

Multiple Personality – Not Crazy

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In my Blogging 201 seminar, I’ve had requests for basic information on both Mind Control and Multiple Personality – so I’ve created two new pages. The second one is copied here, as well as in a new page at the top of the site under “Multiple. The first is also right up top of the site under “Mind Control.“

For all the multiples….

2012

Is Multiple Personality Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder) “crazy”? Actually, it’s considered a creative solution, usually discovered in childhood, to keep from going crazy when experiencing something beyond what the psyche can handle, like torture. The vast majority of multiples experienced torture as children in one way or another.

(Today MPD is called Dissociative Identity Disorder, but many of us prefer the old term as more descriptive of our experience.)

How multiple splitting comes about: Under extreme stress, a person, especially a child, might “leave their body” to psychically escape unbearable pain; the mind, however, keeps recording the body’s experience – now on a blank slate – which then becomes another, separate personality.

The initial separation sets a repeatable pattern in the person called dissociation (dissociating mind from body); with ongoing stress, the pattern is repeated again and again, creating more and more alternate personalities, called “alters.” Since some of the alters are too afraid to come back into the body and risk torture again, they remain children. Interestingly, their young psyches may actually help the body stay young-looking – until an older alter comes out.

While the fragmentation of the psyche is not “normal,” each of the fragments, alters, is sane. They each have a sane perspective on their piece of the world. If they escaped pain, they have a psychology that never experienced pain and is normal for that experience. If the alter was one that did experience pain, they may have a neurotic personality, but totally appropriate to and sane for their experience.

Most positive: with all those alters, multiples have potentially more perspective than most – like insects with multiply-faceted eyes. The trick is coordinating the alters, helping the suffering ones heal, giving disruptive alters appropriate new “jobs” and identities, and if communication is a problem, helping everyone communicate, etc.

In ancient societies, multiples were supported and often honored for their diverse perspectives and skills, usually broad, including a range of skills from the mundane to psychic – as the alters who spent the most time dissociated from the body often develop significant psychic skills. These individuals were often trained as shamans.

1976 film Sybil, starring Sally Field and Joanne Woodward

In modern society, on the other hand, there is little recognition, much less appreciation or caring support for multiples. Some find good therapists, but many do not, and the cause of their affliction, the torture, is typically ignored by society. If individuals cannot function well enough to pass as un-fragmented, they live as “disabled” – even though they may have a lot of wisdom with all their perspectives.

Relationships between the alters can be very different from multiple to multiple. Some alters are entirely unknown to the other alters, which causes tremendous problems for the person. Sometimes a person has “co-conscious” alters which work together quite successfully (like myself), though there may be disconnected alters as well that cause occasional problems.

Children under torturous conditions who don’t “leave their bodies” and dissociate often become schizophrenic. So dissociation, MPD, is a blessing in disguise, having saved the child from a far worse possibility. MPD/DID is fairly easy to heal (unless complicated by mind control); schizophrenia, on the other hand, is considered incurable.

1957 movie starring Joanne Woodward and Lee J Cobb

Being a multiple personality has not been easy, but it’s been far less difficult than typically depicted in books and movies, and in some ways, it seems to be an advantage: Many of us discover we have the capacity to manage a wide variety of mental tasks, having a lot of “minds” holographically in our beings. Managing them all is the trick.

The common perception of “multiples,” as being tragically out of control, is true for some, but many multiples are also very high-functioning, many even testing at genius levels (as I have a few times). Granted, we also often have severe mental, psychological, social emotional, and spiritual challenges as well – as readers of my book can appreciate.

As for the torture that causes multiple-ness: In the past, torture of children usually happened by accident, a child surviving a wild animal attack, for instance. Unfortunately, people lacking empathy and any moral code recognized that multiples have a propensity for amnesia and learned to take advantage of this, sometimes making literal slaves of the multiples.

cia doctors In the 1940s, China and the United States each sought to protect their secrets from adversaries at war and began experimenting on soldiers, inducing split minds through intentional torture on their own citizens and others. In the United States, the CIA began intensive studies, now called MKULTRA, and experimented on an estimated 20,000 children and many more adults between the late 1940s and the mid 1970s – individuals who had no idea they were experimental subjects, did not give their consent, and have never been acknowledged or assisted in healing. (The CIA director testified that they destroyed all files. As a consequence, no subject can prove they were involved and disabled in this program.) More on American mind control history is in my page “Mind Control Defined.”

More of my personal experience is in my post “Multiple-ness: What it Feels Like.”

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If you would like to sign the petition to enter the CIA torture report into the Congressional Record:

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I am an educator on mind control, artist, author, publisher, mind-controlled “multiple personality” in healing, and activist working for the healing and human rights of mind control subjects.

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