Category Archives: alien involvement

Video Interviews

Hi All,

I recently began doing interviews again.

On The Cosmic Switchboard, James Bartley and I overview my life in 2 hours. (We plan another conversation soon.)

On RevolutionRadio/AquarianRadio, I have two interviews with Janet Lessin, another mind control subject, and her husband Dr. Sasha Lessin, a psychotherapist. As you’d expect, these interviews are more psychologically focused.

In the first, we spend two hours covering the strange events of my childhood and early adulthood: being ritually tortured, seeing inter-dimensional beings, experiencing strange events with Mormons, military, and individuals in high levels of government, being manipulated into a sorority and into sexually-themed roles in theater. (See a full discussion list below.) (By the way, I find the artwork used for this interview video interesting, but not necessarily what I’m conveying.)

In our second interview, we continue with two marriages to “handlers,” a “nervous breakdown”/spiritual crisis, decision to be a hermit, and introduction to the world of spirit and shamanism – which includes animal spirit encounters, gray aliens, reptilians, reptoids, and more. (See a full discussion list below.)

Our third interview will be next Saturday, November 8, at 5 pm PT, which you can listen to live on Aquarian Radio or YouTube/Aquarian Radio.

Hang in there, Everyone. While you’ve witnessed me in despair and other weak states over the years, I’m hanging in here, continually seeking meaning, continually seeking connection with extra-dimensional help, feeling stronger, and praying that my contributions to our understanding of this strange multidimensional world will also help you find understanding, Help, and eventually soul growth.

Lessin/AquarianRadio Part I:

0:00:00. Intro
0:02:55 Welcome, Dwight Eisenhower, suspected ancient secret society
0:05:30 Secret Societies: Masons, Military/CASU 33, Hollywood, Grandmother/probable early mind control subject
0:09:48 Birthday 7s and moons
0:12:50 UC Davis & Human Ecology Project
0:17:35 Multiple personality “alters” and triggering
0:21:40 Flashback to ritual with sexual torture
0:22:00 Left alone, never learned to play, Asperger’s Spectrum
0:23:40 Couriers, spies, martial arts, assassin, suicidal notions
0:31:30 Portals to other dimensions
0:35:00 2 years mind control programming intensive, age 6-8
0:38:20 Mormon advice to father
0:39:15 Flashback: “She’s getting old enough to remember”
0:39:50 MK still going on
0:40:20 Fear of Mormons, altered state experiences, ghosts, shadow being
0:42:15 Baton-twirling contest, terror on stage
0:43:00 Sexual performance nightmares
0:43:47 Ghosts v ETs
0:45:25 Sexual psy op, age 13
0:50:20 MK to develop sexual slaves for blackmail. “Crazy conspiracy theory”
0:55:10 Theater roles all sexual: stripper, prostitute, sexual spy
0:56:00 Break
1:01:15 Intro
1:02:14 Dr. Sasha Lessin
1:03:06 Theater, sorority life, beauty pageants, prostitute role
1:20:25 How got strong
1:20:50 Last sexual role: sexual spy; joining and deactivating sorority
1:23:00 Initiation ceremony
1:25:00 Who’s orchestrating this?
1:26:34 Frightening hitchhiking event, marriage
1:32:20 Became mother, depressed, abused, hippie church, minister’s wife, houseparent, kids stolen
1:42:00 Student of radio and television, met second husband/handler, MK meeting
1:44:08 Handler definition and how it works
1:45:00 Constantly dealing with weirdness throughout life
1:47:09 Next show: Marriage manipulations, friends in prison and car-bombed, son with cancer, nervous breakdown, went from award-winning journalist and successful consultant to mess, husband angry at MK cartoon

Lessin/AquarianRadio Part II:

00:00 Intro
02:43 Jean Eisenhower resumes life history: marriage to handler
04:33 targeted after 2nd divorce, son’s cancer
07:50 University of Arizona – Master of Fine Arts, Creative Writing Non-Fiction – healing begins
10:00 First Shamanic experience of Wolf
12:50 Discover my multiple-ness in Mind Control, dissociation in trauma (“into the wallpaper”)
15:15 “Put trauma idea into box and into closet”
16:55 Move to my hermitage
19:10 Struggle with rational vs mystical
21:00 Star shamanism – Daughter of Isis, rationality, archetype, history of ancient Egypt
28:30 UFO on highway outside Bisbee, AZ
34:10 first draft of Rattlesnake Fire, MFA thesis
35:15 Next relationship – healing; real estate success
37:30 Inner assassin comes to fore
41:50 Colorado Springs with 5 military bases; healing relationship
46:00 Back to hermitage, Cochise County, straw bale home
48:50 experience re Pleiades – Am I from there??
52:50 stuck in dualism, childhood charges of crazy for childhood “imaginary friend”/angel
56:00 break
1:03:45 burn all journals re 2nd marriage, begin science journals Jan 1, 2000, all into database w 1200 data lines
1:06:45 Did they want me to be a hermit? (Maybe) I’m Asperger’s, so being in nature is more comfortable than being social
1:08:30 Alien encounters, lost community, “bad Jacketed,” FBI history
1:15:00 thyroid surgery scar on neck
1:16:54 tones from sky
1:17:47 UFOs swarming like fireflies (over White Sands?) with witnesses
1:19:40 Reptilian sex
1:21:30 military Reptilian in my teepee; connections to Ft. Huachuca; 2 friends’ stories confirm; question of Reptilian relationship
1:29:30 Theory of Reptilians vs Reptoids; Reptoid looking through my left eye (“Hulk routine”), then projected image in front of me; Reptoid child hovering in space
1:35:00 Why I’m not allowed to know – theory
1:36:40 My purpose – theory
1:38:00 Janet Lessin – shape-shifting story
1:43:50 Jumping ahead: Altered state w orange alien delivering message of humans not surviving; Sumerian, Genesis warning; thought MK
1:48:40 Highway stop, vaginal implant, laceration, professional photograpic proof
1:55:30: Closing.,,

Thanks for being there, Everyone ~


Healings – and 4 Interviews now online

Hi Friends,

Last weekend, I was blessed to attend a gathering where I met people I trusted to tell my story – in a super-succinct manner I’ve never used before:

My ancestry is military, Masons, Mormons, and Hollywood; I was born into MKULTRA. I believe I have spiritual Help and spiritual responsibility, and I need healing and help to fulfill it.

Individuals responded, melted the frozen places in my heart, and helped me shake off the mind control that told me regularly I was powerless, totally trapped, and my death would be the only way out.

Ever since I wrote my book, began these blogs, and produced my first video, I’ve been severely attacked, psychically, spiritually, socially, electronically, financially, and even with a remote controlled crash on the highway.

I have also been regularly healed and blessed in various ways. I’ve had beams of healing energy pour through me, expanding shrunken cells and reviving weak energy flows. I’ve been unable to lift a water glass right beside me, then a few seconds after the healing beam, was so energized, I immediately went outside to move heavy items in the garden!

Many days I’ve struggled to keep the basics of life together, and often haven’t felt able to keep up with blogging, yet I’ve kept steady with a good diet, good sleep, meditation and prayer, and trusted I’d one day reclaim my energy and do whatever it is I’m supposed to do in this life that seems sometimes so crazy.

This week has seen the largest fractures in my mind control, the greatest gaps of light shining through after too many years. The story feels too personal to share immediately, and maybe is not even understood completely yet, So I’ll keep it to myself for now.

However, I’d like to share with you some radio and video I’ve done lately and will do soon.

In July, James Bartley (whom I met over a decade ago), now of The Cosmic Switchboard, interviewed me for two hours as I sat in the forest on the Mogollon Rim, as relaxed and at peace as I ever am. Here’s the link to the first hour:

Click here OR BELOW….

You can also watch it on YouTube:

The second hour can be accessed on James’ site by simply giving your email address – which James does not sell or use to send you stuff. Just an email address and you have access to the second hour in which we discussed Reptilians in mind control.

And I’ve also been interviewed by Janet Kira Lessin, of Revolution Radio and Aquarian Radio. Janet is a mind control subject as well as a counselor. Her husband, Dr. Sasha Lessin is a psychologist. Together, they co-hosted a unique show in that they focused on the psychological elements of my story.

Janet and Sasha were so willing to delve into details – and offer insights I didn’t have – that we thoroughly covered the first 19 years of my life in our two-hour first interview! We plan to continue these interviews until we’ve covered my entire life.

Here’s the link to this two hours:

My Take on the Ancient Gods and Jesus

YeshivaA few times lately,
I’ve dropped the name Jesus into a blog or vlog,
and I thought I should explain what I mean.

(I didn’t mean to write a prose poem, but just to arrange the words for easy reading.)

I find value in all the world’s ancient texts,
and I take them all with a grain of salt,
even the Bible (sorry Christian friends and family).

The harmony between all these texts is remarkable
(for all humankind’s arguing over their differences).
One basic truth they all tell us is
that Others came from elsewhere and created us here.

Those Others came again and again
to teach, chastise, give gifts, encourage, warn, destroy,
and change our genetics, and they’re coming back.
That’s what all the holy books say.

The United States of America is the First
to convince their citizens not to talk about this,
and not believe it, to laugh at it,
and certainly not use it to explain any “mysteries.”

Archeology, geology, history, and religion
are all full of mysteries
which cease to be serious mysteries if
the ancient texts are true.

American politics is full of mystery. Why,
people strike their heads
and exclaim all the time,
“I can’t believe Congress [or the President] did that!”

But if Other beings are involved in our lives
like ALL the ancient texts say,
as people have believed and recorded for millennia,
They explain the mysteries, easily.

Are They playing evil roles? Or saving us?
Teaching us again? Or just watching?
Depends on which you’re referring to.
And maybe on what you believe.

One disturbing variation on this story is that
the Others put their royal lineages in power,
the Secret Societies in charge of us,
who tell us the Others don’t exist.

Stealing this information is stealing power.
And we’re left dumb, dumb, dumb.
Laughing at ancient history, calling it myth,
and wondering why the world makes no sense.

It makes sense if you have all the pieces of the puzzle.
To get them, you must stop laughing.
But then you only have a picture, not a plan.
(That’s when your work begins.)

The Others are many, our friends and our foes,
like Gramma called it, a War in the Heavens.
Lots of players, I’ve heard, “highly populated cosmos,”
with history that would blow our minds.

And among them, who is Jesus? Quetzalcoatl?
Kokopeli? Mohammed? Krishna? Buddha?
You tell me.
Who is Jehovah? (Well, this is where I get in trouble.)

Genesis reads like a summary
of the Sumerian tales of creation,
conflating an entire crew of Annunaki into one being
named Jehovah, or more correctly Elohim (a plural).

This Other, this god, who called himself God,
was arrogant, abusive, warlike, cruel,
basically a cosmic human developer, slaver and industrialist,
raping the Earth for her gold while developing slaves.

Jesus, on the other hand,
taught us how to treat each other
and promised to return at the “Harvest”
and get those who got it.

Is that where we are now in history?
I don’t know, but I hope. (I’m tired of all I’ve seen!)
Some say Jesus is a tulpa, a being of our creation.
Maybe he’s more, maybe he’s less, but I like his teachings.

Some say Jesus was a shaman,
saying we’ll do miracles too.
But I don’t believe Jesus is the son of Jehovah,
unless he’s overthrowing the family operation.

When I say Jesus now, you won’t mistake me
for a Bible-thumper or a follower of Jehovah.
I follow the Prince of Peace, the Teacher of Righteousness,
and I hope Jehovah isn’t someone I misunderstood!

I could be wrong, but Earth histories seem coherent
with even the strangest Others I’ve experienced.
Everyone else, refusing to see, laughs, then whines,
“But it makes no sense!”

“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio,
than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” said William Shakespeare.
There ARE more things in Heaven than we acknowledge.
And with them, the world makes sense.

Does this make sense to you?

All My Body’s Implants

My Implant Locations 2.png

Places where I KNOW there is an implant – because I’ve felt them activated or have seen and photographed them – and places where I SUSPECT an implant might be – described and documented below.  (Numbers 5, 9, 11, 13, and 17 might have been left off the list, as they have little evidence.  Numbers 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, and 16 indicate two or more implants.)

1. Top/back crown of head. Often painful and hot.  Anomalous radio frequency readings.

2. Represents implants of unknown number in area often painful and hot.

3. Represents implants of unknown number in area often painful and hot.

4. ear canal tech on 4-10-19 at 6.09 PM #3.jpegBoth ear canals – significant technology can be seen with otoscope, is videotaped and published, appears to attract skin to grow over it (see newest videos); ringing since Dec 2010; unusual experience with ears Oct 27, 2016, followed by sense of water in ear for three days.  Appears to match online description of “Cochlear Implant” in which elements are mounted inside a rubber cup, as this appears to be.

5. Occiput. Unsure.  Associated with altered state once.

6. Back tooth low rt 2019-05-16 at 7.42.47 AM copy.pngBack of back-right-lower tooth appears to have four items stored in geometric order, three vertically, one left of the bottom one, plus a porcelain cap seen in the back, not flush with the tooth.  (Also, tooth above, top right, appears very unhealthy at its base.)

7. Two here:  three dots n sm bubbles 2019-05-11 at 6.02.55 AM.pngImplant in side of tooth, lower left, second from back, with porcelain button cap, videotaped signs of transmitting: patch of white inside stain to right, patch of tiny bubbles in front of mysterious stain dots on porcelain cap, the porcelain cap always curious to hygienists.  Also another porcelain cap between this tooth and the tooth behind, gold-colored in this photo with a layer of tooth cement on top of it.  (And for the record, the tooth above also appears very unhealthy at its base.)  (And I stopped one dentist from placing another implant in a tooth when I discovered the extra hole he’d drilled, and he prompted destroyed the evidence by destroying and removing my tooth.)Screen Shot 2019-05-16 at 7.32.19 AM.png

8. This implanted the day #10 was removed. It tickles now and then.

9. On spine. Theoretical. Think it might be used to pull my spine out of alignment.

10. DSC05230.jpgIn me for over a year. Bruise showed within two weeks, went away within two weeks after it was removed Oct 26, 2014 (resulting tunnel is shown in photo with bruise beside). Tickled a lot.

11. On spine. Theoretical. Think it might be used to pull my spine out of alignment.

12. In my heart or very nearby. My Naturopath heard it in 2006 and was rather disturbed. She appreciated my not pressing her about it, but she confirmed my account after I’d published my book in 2008.

13. Inside left forearm, beneath elbow. Has pressed on a nerve since my 20s or 30s. May be a harmless cyst, but it’s in a location that many people report implants, so it’s suspected.

14. February 8, 2011, I sensed a cut, up alongside my clitoral shaft about 1” or more up inside, where I assume an implant has been placed.  I sensed the cut tissue as soon as I awoke and moved my leg.  Some researchers report these implants are placed specifically for sexual torture, but I’ve never felt it activated while conscious.

15. inside w arrowInside my g-spot, where I have a puncture wound (at arrow, above the obvious laceration – a different harassment) – indicating an implant that some researchers claim is placed in people explicitly to torture their subjects sexually. Arrived in November 2004 and was activated once (before the clitoral cut happened in 2011), lifting me off the bed when I was reading. (I would like this implant removed first.)

16. Implants in both my hands, unsure exactly where, but they cause radio interference when handling an EMF meter and also when interacting with my iPhone.

17. Smaller than pea-sized, left leg, 1” above the ankle, 1” inside from center shin. Arrived between 2001-2003, suddenly a hard lump under the skin, during time of many UFO experiences.

18. Nose button 4 2019-04-15 at 12.04.12 AM.pngFound silver two-layer button in nose, videotaped it; tried unsuccessfully to remove it with a q-tip, disappeared two days later. Also, suspected an implant arrived November 2004, causing nosebleed.

Very strange to realize you’re a cyborg, all wired up, and you never signed up willing.

You were Born into a Sci-fi Scenario


Inside my ear canal (never approved by me)

What do you do when you wake up and realize you were born into a science fiction scenario, and everyone has conspired to lie about it and tell you you’re not too be taken seriously, despite your science journals and other “documentation,” and they want you to just shut up about this stuff?

You’d been fairly successful in living your life as if everything were normal, even though you knew it wasn’t. You lived in an uneasy tension between 2 worlds: the one that everyone else agreed on, that everything was fine, and it even made you feel good to pretend it; and the other reality that opens up regularly at nighttimeScreen Shot 2015-02-13 at 8.24.02 PM, steals your energy, makes you amnesic, and leaves you with wounds that any doctor might leave, except for one that makes you think it had to have been aliens. That’s why you go along with the pretense that everything’s fine, to take a breather from the intensity of the nighttime.

persephone n hades cropI feel like Persephone, innocent, stolen from the Mother Earth Goddess, and released in seasons, to recover, only to be drug back into Hell again.

All this mythology, of gods and aliens, opened my eyes to realms beyond – which disappeared also when interacting in the world where these things don’t happen, where people don’t even want to know that they happen, even to their own sister or mother; I understand; it’s far too scary to contemplate if you’re not forced to.

What do you do when you wake up, and this is your reality, this science fiction story in which the heroine faces strange demons in strange lands, and has had implants placed all over her body and is made unconscious regularly and has her energy depleted sometimes for days?

18mqxydmchb61jpgSome would say this is a human rights crime, illegal human experimentation. Others would say it’s spiritual warfare. Others alien warfare. Since I think the rogue state may very well be controlled by “aliens,” and everything has a spiritual component, I assume it is probably all three.  And I must fight it on all these levels.

I want to believe I was born into this life because I am strong enough to endure and grow from it, and hopefully will play a positive role in the resolution of this crime on Earth.

Thanks for reading and caring.

Excellent New Video on MKULTRA

There is so much healing in bringing secrets into the light.

Screen Shot 2017-01-07 at 10.19.59 PM.png

Well-written, well-delivered, with powerful visuals, without hyperbole or excess drama, documented, historical, contemporary, comprehensive in scope, covering efficiently all that can be covered in an hour, and covering it fairly, as far as I can say, as one who is a subject.

Total Mind Control, a new documentary, by Jay Myers

I’m so gratified to see the secret drama of my life brought into the light.  So gratified.

Please watch and share.


It’s the time of the Revealing….

Opening a new book to follow RattleSnake Fire

IMG_1725My life is exquisitely difficult to talk about.  It’s woven with extreme themes – sexual abuse, mind control, aliens, mysticism – and with accomplishments that make me shy, and failures that embarrass me, and critical facts that embarrass other people.

And none of the themes, for simplification, can be hidden or glossed over, because each intertwines and sometimes explains the others.

I can’t begin at the beginning, because it is either boring, or if I tell certain details, it sounds too woo-woo.

Since I almost always get interrupted fairly early with the question, “Why you?” I think I’ll begin there.

It could be any number of things, but is probably all of them together.  Plus the fact that I won “the lottery.”

(Remember that classic, creepy short story, “The Lottery”?  We read it once in grade school and again in high school, about a community that killed one person every year by stoning, a person drawn by lottery.)

Full MoonMy lottery ticket to this crazy life may have been as simple as my birth date.  I was born on a Full Moon, on a Monday (Moon Day), in the middle of Cancer, also known as Moon Child.

And it wasn’t just a Full Moon, somewhere inside that 24-hour window; no, I was born 8 minutes before the Full Moon, 8/(24×60) = 5/1,000ths of a degree of perfection.  Moon energy was strong.  (Astronomical charts, not astrological, show the coincidence.)

Jean Ann Eisenhower birth certificate 1.jpegSo were the numbers:  I was born on July 7, 1952 − 5+2 adding up to 7.  Three sevens.  Then my mother gave me a name with 7 letters:  Jean Ann.

My last name, at birth and now, is Eisenhower.  My father was second cousin to Dwight, who was nominated to the Republic ticket for President of the United States later birth anncmt.jpegon the day of my birth.  The next day, the local paper would give my birth a short column to remark on the coincidence.

Maybe all these coincidences explain my winning/losing lottery ticket.  Or maybe mind control was already in the family.

Eisenhower crest

Eisenhower family crest

[I’ll expand on these later:  Eisenhowers = Iron hewers (secret society protecting metallurgy secrets for the king).  Grandfather Hollywood veterinarian of Rin-Tin-Tin – Mason – money lender.  Father Navy CASU 33 – unsolved mystery.

[Petersens – Mormons.  Grandmother with her handler.  Mother I saw switch alters, in trance.  Unexplained terror re Mormons.  Flashback of babyhood ritual.]

I seem to have won/lost the lottery and was treated to MK.  Then, having developed a bad attitude toward our culture due to MK, I joined the counter-culture and offended my handlers – again and again, beginning with rejecting the invitation of another secret society, calling them “plastic,” accepting their invitation to “try them,” taking the vows, and then de-activating and breaking my vows.  I assume my actions resulted in another layer of MK, as they warned us that breaking our vows would have severe consequences (which I didn’t believe, as it was contrary to “American values”).

smithsonianIn my 20s, I became an activist for peace, and later for social justice, and environmental sustainability.  Along the way, I insulted the FBI with media releases exposing their most incriminating statements which I sent to 600 major media around the world, nearly every day of the 6-week “Judi Bari v FBI” federal trial – and the FBI was found guilty.

They stared me down in the hallways of the courthouse, damn scary dudes.  They might have amped up my treatment then and following  the trial, when I lived alone in the desert – things got extremely frightening after the trial, to the point I was ready to give up this life.

rf-2nd-ed-front-cover-20 copyPerhaps they amped up my MK again when I published my book.  And maybe they amped it up again each time I published a particularly hard-hitting blog or video.  There seem to be correlations.



So now that I’ve given you an overview of my story, maybe answered the Why?, and I’ve gotten my paranoia out of the way – or demonstrated and acknowledged it at least – let me tell you my story….


In my next memoir, I’ll summarize my life through 2007 briefly, as it’s detailed in RattleSnake Fire: a memoir of extra-dimensional experience, and spend most of the book recounting the most recent eight years.

To help me wrap my brain around it all – my fractured, fragmented mind full of experiences is often difficult to remember as a whole – I created a database to record all my anomalous experiences, from sublime to terrifying, everything out of the normal.  My list is nearly 700 items long, and the last half of them have occurred in the last 5 years.  Things are accelerating.

[to be continued]

Feedback?  How’s this to open an update to my story?

It’s good to know who we are

child not smilingLonely, obedient, good girl, good student, shy, dancer, math and puzzle genius, occasional amnestic, community theater performer, raped, reluctant sorority girl, reluctant beauty queen, college run-away hitchhiker, Jesus hippie, minister’s wife, battered, mother, divorced, children conned away by ex, atheist, woken out of a trance, children returned, degreed in broadcast journalism, UPI award-winning radio reporter, remarried, business owner, PR consultant to social service and activist organizations, board member and president, Permaculture certified, radical activist, pantheist, arrested twice, jailed twice, Tasered twice, news feature “Supermom,” winner of more awards and recognitions, divorced again, child with cancer, offered ownership of $3-4 million birdwatching world-tour business, flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse, nervous breakdown, business offer passed, unable to work, praying again, son healed, aware of dissociative parts, confidant of healing, master of non-fiction creative writing, desert hermit, ayahuasca_visions_pabloamaringobuilder of small passive solar strawbale homerock creek house, experiencer of many things shamanic, including Jesus, memoirist, in love with old high school crush, moved to new city, engaged, a real estate agent, disengaged, award-winning agent, offered six-figure management position (declined), hermit again, UFO experiencer, shamanic initiate, media consultant to successful “Judi Bari v FBI” car-bomb trial,car bomb psychically attacked, suddenly aware of life-long mind control subjection, relieved that life makes sense, terrified, near-suicidal, partnered with teepee-dwelling artist, budding artist in pencil and fiber, repeatedly terrified, mysteriously vaginally cut, heart attack, spiritually healed and encouraged, environmental activist again, solar oven educator, passive solar designer, single again, driven from hermitage by poverty, moved to small town, student of consciousness, Transpersonal Hypnotherapist™, author, mind control activistI Was Onetaser cumysteriously Tasered, mysteriously bruised, healing dissociative splits, encouraged, despairing, home renovator in natural plaster sculpture, passive solar advocate, Permaculture designer, identified with Persephone, enjoying the springIMG_2965, identified with Black ElkUnknown-2, committed to service… old woman.IMG_1725

Paul Levy’s Work

I just wrote this comment on Paul Levy’s newest post:

Excerpt from Paul Levy’s New Book – Awakened by Darkness: When Evil Becomes Your Father:

Hi Paul, Thank you for writing your story!  I look forward to reading it and will link to this excerpt on my own site (  I’m especially happy to see your words “Awakened by Darkness,” as awakening is becoming the value I finally see (after 22 years since I began to suspect my history) that I can take from my own experience with Evil.  I also feel a new book brewing inside, and your writing always inspires me.  All the Best ~  Jean

(Paul is also the author of Dispelling Wetiko:  Breaking the Curse of Evil, which has a Foreword by Catherine Austin Fitts.)

Here is the first paragraph of the Introduction to his new book:

To cut to the chase and get right to the point, I have had an intimate direct encounter with unmediated, unadulterated archetypal evil that has radically reconfigured both my psyche and my life forever. I am not talking about the personal shadow stuff that we all unconsciously act out in our lives every day, nor am I talking about the relative level of evil that we can easily imagine; I am talking about absolute evil, the dark side of God, the stuff which in-forms and gives shape to mythologies the world over from time immemorial. My saying this is not some sort of literary device or marketing strategy to grab the reader’s attention; on the contrary, it is nothing less than finding the right words to name my experience. The great doctor of the soul C. G. Jung writes that “it is quite within the bounds of possibility for a man to recognize the relative evil of his nature, but it is a rare and shattering experience for him to gaze into the face of absolute evil.” I encountered this face of absolute evil in the form of my very own father and I have been shattered by the experience.

And here’s the link to his site:

Psychopaths or Just Bad “Gardeners”?

cia doctorsThe usual interpretation of mind controllers is that they are psychopathic, predatory, sexual perverts, Satanic, demonic, or something else, in any case trying to rob people of their souls or at the very least rob them of their life energy to use them for the controllers’ own purposes.

I’ve lived with variations on this theory since 2002, and it’s very unpleasant to contemplate every time I’ve woken up with a bruise, scoop mark, surgical scar (sometimes oddly healed), Taser burn, etc.  The terror of this weird unknown has pushed me to the point of wishing I could die more often than I can count.

Obviously, I haven’t wanted to continue to be their pawn in a game of – I don’t even know what, because I’m amnesic for it.

Something recently caused me to try to perceive “outside the box” of my current theories – and all the other theories I’ve explored, which are all pretty much unanimously upsetting if not terrifying.

A chance to reconsider my interpretation might have come about through my gardening.

11709244_952326054824119_5618222184044544084_nI know my plants are living, sensitive beings, and yet I’ve been guilty of treating them poorly.  Sometimes I put off watering too long, or delay feeding them nutrients they need.  Or I prune them without cleaning and sharpening my tools.  Or I transplant them at the wrong time or otherwise in such a way that they don’t survive.

And I wonder what they think of me.  Do they think I’m evil?

And so I began to wonder if the mind controllers might not be evil psychopaths, or demons, but simply the equivalent of lousy gardeners.

I even tried to imagine that I might be a creative spirit on other dimensions, working with a team of beings, and together we imagined trying to amp up the human potential by splitting individuals into parts, as we’d noticed that natural “split personalities” seem able to multiply their intellectual interests and capacities.  We developed our theory, believed that pain could be ameliorated with amnesia, and thought we had a useful idea.  And I volunteered to be a guinea pig.  Or I drew the short straw.  Whatever.  Just a theory.  But I can imagine it.

To be honest, and for complete disclosure, the worst of my strange experiences has suddenly, quite dramatically, ceased earlier this year, for what reason I don’t know (though I can guess, but am not ready to share that guess).  For quite a long time, I’d been having at least two weird events, usually what I call “injection bruises,” every single week, and there were also many weeks when I was totally devastated, exhausted, depressed to the point of wanting to die, and felt fairly good for nothing.  And suddenly it stopped, earlier this year.

But the upsetting stuff had gone on for so very long that I don’t know if this is just a temporary reprieve and it’ll begin again, or if they really did “put me out to pasture” as I’ve been expecting they should, now that I’m in my 60s.

Whatever is the case, a fear response doesn’t go away easily.  I don’t know if I’ll ever relax from it, though I certainly try.

Even though I’m symptom free now and have been for months, I am still fascinated by this subject.  What does it mean?  What is the nature of our reality that we can be amnesic for things that cause pain, and have serious, photographable wounds?

I’ve been open to other theories for a very long time.  And in all my years of blogging and receiving responses from people all over the world, the greatest number of people confirm my experiences with similar ones of their own, and few offer a “comforting” response.

IMG_2099Some people have theorized – and this is one of the “more comforting” ideas – that one of my alternate personalities is creating the wounds on myself at night.  I can imagine this being the case for something simple like what I’ve called “injection bruises” which always appeared on one of my thighs, usually the front.

DSC01402But I can’t figure out how anyone could create the scoop marks – on my right hand.

Taser burn (second degree burn with skin removed) delivered November 29, 2010, photographed 2 days later.

Taser burn (second degree burn with skin removed) discovered November 29, 2010, photographed 2 days later.

Or the third-degree “Taser” burn – on my right arm.

Or the “thyroid surgery” scar, healed, that appeared one morning on my neck, and which a nurse questioned me about ten years later (I didn’t mention, but she saw the scar which she said was just like her thyroid scar)!

Do I have a violent, left-handed alternate personality who wants to hurt me?  And who has access to technology beyond what any of us understand – that can take surgical scoop biopsies and make scars heal overnight?

Two and a half weeks after a beam hit me while talking on the telephone. I seem to have been controlled to not look at it and later not photograph it until it was almost healed.

Two and a half weeks after a beam hit me while talking on the telephone. I seem to have been controlled to not look at it and later not photograph it until it was almost healed.

How about the “beam” that hit me while talking on the phone with a friend, that left a huge bruise on the side/back of my leg?  (Which I didn’t photograph for two weeks – why?  Because I was mind controlled not to?  Don’t know.)

This bruise showed up ten days after another very similar showed up on the back of my leg. No explanation except...

This bruise showed up ten days after another very similar showed up on the back of my leg. No explanation except…

DSC04837Or how about these two donut-shaped bruises that appeared within days of each other.  How did I create them?

As strange as it may all be, I think I’d rather accept the theory that some trans-dimensional (spiritual) being is doing all this.

I REALLY don’t like the idea of it being CIA, even though there’s 100,000 pages of released government documents and CIA director testimony to Congress to support it.  Maybe I should just stop there.

But I want another theory.  Maybe just so that doctors will respect it and help me rather than label me “delusional.”

Am I in denial?  Maybe….  But nearly everyone in my life wants me to deny it.  My own flesh and blood deny it and won’t speak to me of it.

Strangers around the world support me in the CIA (and Satanist) assumptions.  My book and these hundreds of pages on this site all support the same assumption.  And yet I wish for another explanation.  I guess I’m in denial.

Or maybe I can theorize that, yes, even though the CIA is involved, they’re under the direction of Bad Gardeners in the Cosmos.

What do you think?

Wrote poem last night ~ “Mind Control: In four parts”

Mind Control






skill building



passivity training

mental anesthesia

physical anesthesia

health care











and more.

Each person experiences different aspects.  It’s okay – I say – to tell others, “I am here, and this is what I see and experience.”

It’s a big, beautiful, horrific yin yang.

What’s a person on this edge to do?

Die?  (No, I already decided that; just mentioned it for rhetoric, a perfectly good subject of philosophical deliberation.)

Or communicate, negotiate…?

Or create!

Is it possible in this moment in history?  (I do it, but…  I wonder a lot.)

Only from other realms, it lately seems…

but I am always open to the possibility of miracles and surprising energies…. upsetting everything.  And like a smoldering fire, the whole place erupts. 



[What the hell am I still doing here?  I thought I’d be outa here before things went crazy.  I think I’ve always assumed that’s what I’d bargained for.

Yeah, but I’m seeing a picture that implies staying here.  Sheesh.

– Where’d that come from?  A different alter adding her stuff in the middle of my essay.]


Part II

Some experience Earth differently.

All these things – creation to commerce – have been attributed to gods and other beings from the heavens throughout history.  Most of them apply to Jehovah.  All of them apply to the Sumerian gods, the Annunaki.  And many to the gods of every other culture on Earth.  Not all are in the histories, but a good many.

And Mind Control – MK – happens to work a whole lot like the entire rest of the world.  As if it was intrinsic to this world.  As if it was our world.  I.e., we live in mind control; we are mind controlled by virtue of living on Earth at this time in history; all of us are subject, just to what degree and for what purposes is the question.


Part III

Sometimes I feel I can accept it.  Sometimes I feel like the saddest victim on the planet.  And sometimes I feel like just one of thousands of test subjects, suffering like –

– like the plants I forget to water, or my chickens I cage and try to treat well, but I don’t all the time.  I’m not evil.  I’m just not fully conscious, at least not all the time.  And I imagine having less-than-perfect creator demi-gods, bumbling a bit, like novice gardeners, resident doctors, first-year teachers, or well-meaning and established – but absent-minded – professors.

Or maybe they’re brilliant angels, but they’re under attack.

Or – I get it – they’re brilliant angels, under attack, and they’re trying to rescue some of us from this Earth trap (of mind control), and it would sure be easier if I’d – and everyone would – wake up, more.

Whatever, I don’t know; but I’m starting to see the polarities blur more than ever, and the terror turning to mist and drifting away as I see these other energies as accidents, not acts of Satanic psychopaths, but rather maybe even by our friends and family, trying unsuccessfully to rescue us, like an animal in a trap who hurts itself in the net the rescuers have for it, not because they are evil, but because of the unnecessary struggle.

But that could be Mind Control, seducing, “Don’t you worry….”




Should I relax and not take so much personally, not try to understand, not try to change things?

Or should I be a hero and lead the way for victim’s rights on Earth?

Why has no one else tried to do this already?

Because no one wants to hear.


Other times I think I’m nothing special and I should get over myself and just try to live a happy life with what good days they give me.

Then I think that idea is just a carrot they dangle to keep their subject alive another day.

And I think they don’t deserve to suck my soul like this.



And round

and round

I go.


Two Short Videos – Please Share

2 video ssHi Everyone ~

I just re-watched these videos made last year and think it’s time now for more people to see them.  I hope you’ll watch at least the first two videos:

Friends in town, I hope and pray, will stop by.

Thanks for all you do in these important times.


PS And if you didn’t read my last post yet, it’s here:  “Our Right to Say, ‘It’s a good day to die.”’

Friday Foundation: Aliens in the Closet

11bgI’ve been downplaying the alien aspect of my experiences for the last few years, I just realized.  (I only added “alien” to the tagline up top last night.)

Years ago, though, aliens were easier (for me) to discuss than the CIA or church involvement in sexual torture, so I tended to hide those angles then.  But I believe all these aspects form a whole which desperately need exploration.

41pHQz8hnQLMy first conference on aliens and spirituality I attended just before I moved to Silver City in 2006.  Having read Harvard professor Dr. John Mack’s two books, Abduction and Passport to the Cosmos, which both comfortingly espouse alien contact as a spiritual or shamanic experience, I knew the two subjects composed a most important angle, though I also recognized the conference seemed to have ignored or downplayed two other very important facts:  a) some aliens seem to be serious trouble, not here for our spiritual enlightenment, and b) our governments and many churches (both established by “the gods” in ancient history) are involved in the most troublesome aspects.


Paul Hellyer, former Minister of Defense, Canada

Eventually I attended many conferences on aliens (never any on mind control) and saw and met a lot of credible people – Paul Hellyer, former Defense Minister of Canada, for instance – and made a few strong friendships which contributed to my comfort with the alien angle and my then (subconscious) downplaying of the government and church role.

Dark activities by aliens or government I only recall hearing twice, both times in Roswell.  The first was a presentation in Roswell on Reptilians and the evidence of their working covertly with the US government in experimental projects using human subjects.  (The city-sponsored conference forbids presentations on aliens as spiritual helpers.) event_274863342

The second presentation on dark activities by aliens was at a nearby Christian Church (I attended “as a reporter,” I told myself).  There, all aliens were defined as demons.  Both presentations, when I listened with my multi-dimensional self, seemed as credible, in at least a limited way, as the scores of other presentations I’d seen espousing other angles.

nordic-aliens-tumblr_m5a30quqjA1qzx7rao1_500All the angles are probably true in their own context, i.e., extra-dimensional beings of many sorts have many different agendas, some as cruel to us as human researchers are to rabbits, for instance; and some extra-dimensional beings wanting to help us, like missionaries, if we can get past our cultural programming enough to communicate with them across the dimensions.  And everything in between, including dark aliens pretending to help, like spies, and possibly helpers accidentally hurting and terrifying us.

026349-firey-orange-jelly-icon-culture-space-alien1-sc37Lumping all aliens together under one word “alien” and then pinning a cartoon on that one word seems to have been a very effective way to “confuse our language” (as Jehovah did in Babel to keep the people from building their tower to access the stars), thereby keeping us from discussing our perceptions and having any chance of learning collectively.  Collective mind control.

The Paradigm Salon, at first, was my attempt to create an event in which local people could talk after viewing films about “aliens,” but after a year I realized I was not comfortable sharing much of my own experience with strangers (even though I’d published it all in my book), and I also was not comfortable with some of the people who attended, so eventually I quit holding those events and turned to blogging.

In my journals, I constantly explored the connections between government mind control, churches, and aliens, but over the years, I’ve realized I’ve veered to the opposite imbalance in my blogging – I’ve been focusing on government and ignoring the alien component.

ufos-national-security-state-unclassified-history-volume-1-richard-m-dolan-paperback-cover-artRichard Dolan’s UFO’s and the National Security State is an important book.  Though I frequently recommend Richard’s books, I quit reading in the middle of his first book and never picked it up again – for what reason I don’t know.

On Thanksgiving, since we (thankfully!) made no plans, I sat for almost the entire day and read not only about “UFO’s” documented by various elements of the government, their chaotic responses, public statements, and reversals of public statements, but also the jockeying for control of this issue, executive orders, and creation of huge new bureaucracies that seemed in direct response to UFO sightings – bureaucracies like the CIA and NSA whose budget and activities would be entirely unaccounted for to the public or Congress or even the President.  

And now I realize I need to catch up in my studies, so I intend to finish Richard’s series here and be more dedicated to keeping up with other books, blogs, and videos.  And this time I determine not shy away from distinguishing aliens by type.  And to begin, I’d like to make clear to my readers that I’m quite sure I’ve had contacts with Reptilians on both this dimension and in other dimensions, as well as the tall grays, and possibly others.

archons-CopyAll these may be manifestations of Archons, described by the Gnostics of Christ’s time, and perhaps the same as are now called demons by contemporary Christians.  Not a comforting thought at all, but the opposite to my cozy inclinations after reading John Mack.

Coincidentally, Reptilians have been noted by various researchers as being very involved in mind control.  And Archons are said to feed off our “energies,” most easily gotten by inducing fear and hatred.  Connections?  Others have speculated far and wide, but I hesitate now to share any more of my speculations, especially since mind control and its “screen memory” theories throw everything up for grabs – but I hope to soon.  (I’d love to hear from readers on these points, especially those with anonymity, who might feel braver to speculate.)

I’ve read and learned a great deal more over the years – and then forgotten it.  I’ve also been crippled by the thought that assuming any particular “truth” in this arena, especially using particular names or language like “Reptilians” or “Archons” would discredit me in the eyes of the general public – and why I should care about that I don’t know, but I do sometimes; it might be mind control keeping me from pursuing this most promising direction, but it could also just be the isolation we experiencers feel – SO acute sometimes that we hide some of our truth.  Very few of us blog under our real names.

UFO exploding before diving to the Earth, witnessed by my partner and another friend, while I was nearby.

UFO exploding before diving to the Earth, witnessed by my partner and another friend, while I could only hear their excited reactions. Interesting, and not nearly as threatening as alien mind control. You agree? Art: Asante Riverwind.

Experiencers of alien contact are sometimes even ignored inside the UFO movement!  Yes, some researchers find the “nuts and bolts” of UFO’s so much easier to talk about than strange beings, government complicity, reproductive experiments, or other experiments for which there seem to be no easy-to-stomach explanation.  Those researchers, I assume, think their activism is already tough enough.  It reminds me of the women’s movement of the 19th century when they split over the question of banding together with Black activists for equal rights; the majority of feminists thought they’d be more successful if they only promoted the one “easier sell” and then helped Blacks “next.”

In the same way, sexual abuse and mind control are ignored for similar strategic reasons – they’re just a lot more difficult to explain and sell to a distracted populace, much less one’s Congress, where a lot of “UFO Disclosure” efforts are directed.  Therefore, just as Blacks had to fight their battles mostly alone, we experiencers have to fend for ourselves until UFO’s are more widely accepted.

Meantime, I’m here on Earth to learn, heal, grow, strengthen connections with soul family on other dimensions, and serve my fellow humans.  And this amazing journey requires I shed my blinders of mind control – both Earthly and “alien.”

Sunday Summary: Another Amazing Week

– another injection bruise
– UFO movie with my folks – on the New Moon
– 20th Anniversary of the family’s Big Rift – and hope for break-through

IMG_2099I almost ignored the injection bruise that appeared on Tuesday, the same day Greg woke wondering why his lower back was out.  Denial was attractive, as other than this, life was feeling mellow and productive.  Neither of us has any explanation for our injuries, except that this sort of thing occurs to me all the time (this sort of small, point-like bruise appearing a few times a month or more).  And various injuries occur regularly to subjects of alien abduction and mind control (which Greg is not comfortable assuming relates to him at all, though I consider it a decent theory for him as well as me).

MV5BMTQyNzI2NDM5MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTY2NTA2MDE@._V1_SY317_CR12,0,214,317_AL_Acknowledging aliens – or CIA – I do, but hate to do for a number of reasons.  But since denial is not useful, healing, or survival behavior, I accepted a kick in the butt Saturday night when I watched a documentary about aliens with my parents – with whom I’ve had an uncomfortable partial-estrangement for just a little over 20 years.

[Skip the next three paragraphs to skip family drama.]

(The estrangement, if you’re interested, was caused when I was 42 and having a spiritual crisis [or nervous breakdown] coming to terms with flashbacks of having been sexually abused as a child, but not yet realizing it had anything to do with mind control, and much less aliens and/or CIA.  Sexual abuse alone was more than I could handle.

(I asked my sister if she had any memories of sexual abuse from our childhood, and she, having just seen a 20/20 program on the “false memory syndrome” [psychological disinformation], became immediately indignant and, despite knowing little, scolded me that I was mistaken.  Then, without asking more, she told my brother I’d accused our father of sexual abuse.  My brother assumed I’d accused my parents directly and called them to offer consolation and support.

(They became enraged, and we didn’t speak very much for the next seven years, and the thirteen years since have been little better, very tense.  My father has wanted me to exonerate him to the family, but I’ve told him I can’t because I really don’t know, and I never made any accusation.)

I began visiting my parents again (at the family’s urging) around 2000, once every year or two, increasing the visits to a few hours twice a year, and last weekend to one full day including an overnight.  In all these years, we’ve mostly skirted around the old accusation, and when I became aware (in 2002 and 2004) of mind control and aliens as both somehow involved in sexual trauma, both issues seemed nearly impossible to broach in our barely-functioning relationship.

MV5BMTQyNzI2NDM5MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTY2NTA2MDE@._V1_SY317_CR12,0,214,317_AL_So last Saturday, my youngest sister set up our folks’ computer to stream movies, then left us to find something to watch – as it was still early and everyone seemed “talked out.”  I scanned the documentary section, and when Mom seemed to perk up at The Hidden Hand:  Alien Contact and the Government Coverup, I clicked “Play.”.

Screen Shot 2014-11-25 at 11.07.03 AMA moment of panic washed over me when the Time Traveler Productions logo appeared – because I realized this was the film I’d been video-interviewed for in 2008 by the director, James Carman, who’d traveled to this small town just to interview me.  A few months later, when his communications got squirrelly and I happened to see a piece of art online being used in pre-promotion, I feared he might be mocking the whole subject, and I certainly didn’t want to be mocked for all the world to see.  I requested he exclude my interview, and he said he would.  (This documentary is not mockery.)

But in that moment, I wasn’t absolutely sure my face of 6 years ago, in a state of nervous anxiety, wouldn’t suddenly appear, talking about CIA mind control and aliens!  It would blindside my parents and put me in a very awkward situation of needing to explain something terrifically complicated on the spot when we all need to sleep.  It occurred to me to think of an excuse to turn it off….

But reason prevailed:  Carman said he wouldn’t use my interview, and besides, the opening scene looked familiar, and I thought I’d seen it before and was pretty sure I wasn’t in it.  I calmed down and we all began watching it together.

The film is very well done (and available to stream online).  Over and over, I was moved to see friends and acquaintances I’ve made over the last decade give their testimony as experiencers and researchers, putting their faces and names on the line:  Niara Isley, Melissa Reed, Jeremy Vaeni, James Gilliland, Jim Sparks, Whitley Strieber and researchers Paola Harris, Yvonne Smith, and Richard Dolan.  I was proud to have almost been counted alongside them.

Surgeon Dr. Lier was included – who’d once invited me to California to have my implants removed at no cost.  (Not sure why I didn’t, but he’s passed on now.)  I hoped he would impress my veterinarian father – who trusts all doctors far more than me.

Part-way through the video, after the section on sexual procedures, my father announced, “I’ve had all I can take of this” and left to watch the UCLA-USC football game.

When the video was over, I realized something astounding:  I could finally offer my parents the closest thing I could to an exoneration!

“Mom, that,” I said, gesturing toward the TV, I believe, explains my memories of sexual abuse.”

Mom ignored my bombshell statement, but told me about a couple of UFOs she’d seen.  I’d never heard this before and responded with interest because multi-generational involvement is a major theme of the alien experience.

And multi-generational involvement is just one section of many addressed in The Hidden Hand (others being: UFO evidence, alien abductions, sexual/reproductive involvement, alien implants, alien-human hybrids, human-military abductions, exopolitics, positive experiences and galactic consciousness).

Since mom’s sighting of a couple of UFO’s strengthens slightly the possibility she’d accept this interpretation of my experiences, I repeated what I’d said:  “I hope you’ve heard me here, as I think it’s important for you and Dad to know:  That, I believe, explains my memories of sexual abuse.”  She changed the subject again, but it was off my chest.

And I realized it’s easier to consider that my parents’ involvement has probably been more complex than them simply deciding to allow the CIA to use me as a child subject, as was my assumption back in 2002, but maybe my subjection came about because they’ve been mind-controlled themselves, and maybe they never gave permission.

I’ve known for decades that both my parents were separated from their parents at about the same age as the years for which I have total amnesia (1st and 2nd grade)  – and at about the same ages as my own children were taken from me by my husband and a woman who controlled him – and the age at which other MKULTRA subjects report their memories or amnesia.  It all fits just too perfectly the multi-generational theory.

Afterward, I realized it was the evening of the New Moon.  And it’s been about 20 years (maybe plus a month or two) since I first asked my sister about sexual abuse and our family entered this terrible 20-year period of disconnect.

It’s possible this video viewing might have opened a door that will allow us to break through this family impasse.  The emotional cost to all of us has been terrific; I have been off-and-on suicidal for decades; and I’ve been blamed by all the family for causing our bad relations.  It would be nice to get resolution.

At least two of my siblings, I believe, are following my blog (I’ve asked them to, but they haven’t ever chosen to talk to me about it), and I pray they will watch “The Hidden Hand” and talk at least to each other about this.

Alien-government cooperation in mind control of humans is not just a decent theory that might fit, but is a theory that fits very well, with excellent physical documentation collected for years and memories that match the memories of others all over the planet.

Twenty years is long enough for us all to suffer.  I hope we can discuss this.

Aliens in American History, Sophia, and our Evolution – a ramble

philip_corso_2_259x200Written long ago, forgotten, discovered….

Philip Corso, Sr, National Security Advisor to President Eisenhower, said “those of us in the military… had negotiated a kind of surrender with them as long as we couldn’t fight them.”

Leaders were forced to negotiate the bad deal “because they knew what we feared most was disclosure.  Hide the truth and the truth becomes your enemy.  Disclose the truth and it becomes your weapon.  We hid the truth and the [extra-terrestrials] used it against us.”  [bracketed words not mine, but in my source]

Artist's interpretation of Archons

Artist’s interpretation of Archons

[*Can anyone find out what Corso actually said in place of “extra-terrestrials” inserted in brackets?  Aliens?  or Archons?  I wonder.]

Other researchers add that part of the negotiation gave the aliens right to use a certain number of humans for certain purposes; assertions are made that the aliens have regularly overstepped their  agreements and used humans in ways not agreed to.

Both reptilian and fetal-like aliens are supposedly connected to mind control, and somehow I was put in their program as a child, perhaps because Mormons are in league with them, and my family was jack-Mormon (fallen away) married to non-Mormon, but we were accessible, as we attended church now and then when pressured.  In addition, my pediatrician was Mormon Addison Udall, cousin of Secretary of Interior Stewart Udall, who was also our neighbor for a short while (immediately following my 2 years’ amnesia, presumably in mind control).  And both my parents had had childhoods in which they were separated from their parents during young, critical years, a situation often linked to childhood mind control subjection.

I have amnesia at the same age as other mind control subjects (and similar to my parents’ separation from their parents).  And my kids were taken from me during approximately the same years.  Mind control is worked most intensely within families.

The specter of it sometimes blows me away.  But I always pull myself back together and remind myself that we don’t see the whole picture, as we’ve been culturally numbed from experiencing the other dimensions.  In response, I remember my infinite spirit and my soul family, and I reconnect and strengthen myself.

I’ve seen “many things” (as prophesied to me once) and wrote about them in my book, “RattleSnake Fire: a memoir of extra-dimensional experience.”  I know I have helpers on other realms, in many forms.

I used to love to go into the spiral at night when I was a child, anticipating my loving family – but only when they opened the door for me.  And as an adult I’ve come back from a trip into the sky, babbling gratitude, unable to stop, laughing at myself for my continued babbling, but terrifically happy and in love with the cosmos and the powerful connections that I have there.

So I don’t worry about Archons or aliens too much.  But I should probably not forget them either, as they still interfere in my life.  But not mortally so.  It always results in a spiritual wake-up, which I evidently need.

In my reading, I’ve come across the work of John Lamb Lash, who quotes Carl Jung, Carlos Castaneda, and Jacques Vallee – three writers I’ve long trusted.  He says our protection is in the Goddess Sophia – interesting, because I’ve had a difficult time with “the Goddess.”

This is very hard to admit, and I’ve known it was probably part of my mind control.  The result is, as much as I love my garden, I resist going out there to just sit because the plants talk to me too much!  The trees send me healing energy so powerful it makes me want to weep.  And I don’t want to weep, as it triggers too much pain.  Plus they tell me to be still, and I have a hard time sitting still.  Maybe I’m more afraid than I’ve wanted to admit.  And so I avoid even my own garden sometimes, and definitely ignore any Goddess Sophia.

Nearly the entire government is infected by the destructive energies, such is banking, medicine, education, religion, and all the industries of popular culture.  And it seems there is a concerted effort to kill all the life on the planet, with poisons, nuclear waste, “death genes,” sonic “experiments,” HAARP, industrial over-harvesting, and more, none of which politics can touch.

So what do we do?

One of the essays I found said that Sophia’s gift is to help us imagine.

And I do.  But there’s a problem when people only imagine the Light and refuse to look at the Dark.

We need more warriors willing to look at this problem of mind control and dark energies running our government and every aspect of culture.

We need to look for their weakness, which some writers say is their arrogance, hiding the fact that they really don’t know everything.

And we need to remember our power, that we are far more powerful than we’ve been allowed to remember.

We’ve forgotten that we have extra-dimensional capabilities as well as extra-dimensional allies.

It seems we could be losing this fight on Earth, given the massive web of interrelated environmental, economic, societal, even geological problems presenting right now.  And maybe this is the end of a chapter of human evolution:  we’ll learn our lessons, the planet will go into upheaval, and all will start over again with plate-techtonics, earthquakes, and polar shifts.

While this doesn’t feel like a terrible thing, mind control continuing wherever is a terrible thing.

Some say the Earth is moving into a dimension that could split us, like a prism splits a light beam into colors of different wavelengths, and those who vibrate at a higher frequency will split off into one dimension, and those who vibrate at lower frequencies will go into other dimensions, the Earth maybe continuing on into two different timelines.

In our timeline, what shall we do?  I think we’re well-experienced enough to realize that we need a new mutually-cooperative manner of decision-making (a new politics), new ideas around money (whether to use it or not), personal responsibility, technology, community, communications, extra-dimensionality, and so much more.

This is, I believe, where Sophia’s creative imagination comes in.

And we have to imagine a way to deal with certain of the aliens.  Do we banish them or integrate them?  Teach them or offer to help them evolve?  Offer amnesty or bind them and throw them into hell?  What do we imagine?

One writer described his perception of the reptilian energies in a manner that strongly paralleled my perceptions:  powerful, ancient, and evil.

But one of my reptilian experiences had another angle: the being actually helped me and my former partner, though in a manner that seemed insulting to my boyfriend at the time.  In retrospect, it was a Trickster-sort of lesson, and in the end good for us both.

So, is there something about the contrary alien energies we can benefit from?  I know some criminals think they’re doing the world a favor by teaching stupid people not to be so gullible, and they laugh about it.  Could it be that the entire dark energy field is a field for teaching and helping stupid humans evolve?



Inspiration from Whitley Strieber

I love this excerpt from Whitley Strieber’s upcoming book,
What is to Come: The Solution to the Communion Enigma,
which I transcribed from his audio recording on his website:

“[W]hat happened to me did not have an exclusively negative impact on my life.
In shattering the mirror of expectation for me,
it opened my mind to a hidden reality that has greatly enriched me.

“Had I not as a child been brutalized by whomever this was,
I don’t think I would have even been able to perceive the Visitors.
I would never have had the chance to do the impossible,
which is to have formed a relationship with them.

“Because I was so shocked in my childhood,
I lost my belief in the stability of the ordinary world.
I live in a permanent state of unease.
But also a permanent state of wonder.

“Ask any close encounter witness what is real.
They will tell you at once it isn’t what you see around you.
This world of pretense in which we live is just like a shattered childhood
— a very different place than it appears.

“We smile and pretend that all is well. But all is not well.”

I was also recently greatly supported
by listening again (twice!) to Whitley reading his book
Secret School, which can be heard in its entirety here, for free, beginning with part 1 of 18: