Tag Archives: Jesus

My Take on the Ancient Gods and Jesus

YeshivaA few times lately,
I’ve dropped the name Jesus into a blog or vlog,
and I thought I should explain what I mean.

(I didn’t mean to write a prose poem, but just to arrange the words for easy reading.)

I find value in all the world’s ancient texts,
and I take them all with a grain of salt,
even the Bible (sorry Christian friends and family).

The harmony between all these texts is remarkable
(for all humankind’s arguing over their differences).
One basic truth they all tell us is
that Others came from elsewhere and created us here.

Those Others came again and again
to teach, chastise, give gifts, encourage, warn, destroy,
and change our genetics, and they’re coming back.
That’s what all the holy books say.

The United States of America is the First
to convince their citizens not to talk about this,
and not believe it, to laugh at it,
and certainly not use it to explain any “mysteries.”

Archeology, geology, history, and religion
are all full of mysteries
which cease to be serious mysteries if
the ancient texts are true.

American politics is full of mystery. Why,
people strike their heads
and exclaim all the time,
“I can’t believe Congress [or the President] did that!”

But if Other beings are involved in our lives
like ALL the ancient texts say,
as people have believed and recorded for millennia,
They explain the mysteries, easily.

Are They playing evil roles? Or saving us?
Teaching us again? Or just watching?
Depends on which you’re referring to.
And maybe on what you believe.

One disturbing variation on this story is that
the Others put their royal lineages in power,
the Secret Societies in charge of us,
who tell us the Others don’t exist.

Stealing this information is stealing power.
And we’re left dumb, dumb, dumb.
Laughing at ancient history, calling it myth,
and wondering why the world makes no sense.

It makes sense if you have all the pieces of the puzzle.
To get them, you must stop laughing.
But then you only have a picture, not a plan.
(That’s when your work begins.)

The Others are many, our friends and our foes,
like Gramma called it, a War in the Heavens.
Lots of players, I’ve heard, “highly populated cosmos,”
with history that would blow our minds.

And among them, who is Jesus? Quetzalcoatl?
Kokopeli? Mohammed? Krishna? Buddha?
You tell me.
Who is Jehovah? (Well, this is where I get in trouble.)

Genesis reads like a summary
of the Sumerian tales of creation,
conflating an entire crew of Annunaki into one being
named Jehovah, or more correctly Elohim (a plural).

This Other, this god, who called himself God,
was arrogant, abusive, warlike, cruel,
basically a cosmic human developer, slaver and industrialist,
raping the Earth for her gold while developing slaves.

Jesus, on the other hand,
taught us how to treat each other
and promised to return at the “Harvest”
and get those who got it.

Is that where we are now in history?
I don’t know, but I hope. (I’m tired of all I’ve seen!)
Some say Jesus is a tulpa, a being of our creation.
Maybe he’s more, maybe he’s less, but I like his teachings.

Some say Jesus was a shaman,
saying we’ll do miracles too.
But I don’t believe Jesus is the son of Jehovah,
unless he’s overthrowing the family operation.

When I say Jesus now, you won’t mistake me
for a Bible-thumper or a follower of Jehovah.
I follow the Prince of Peace, the Teacher of Righteousness,
and I hope Jehovah isn’t someone I misunderstood!

I could be wrong, but Earth histories seem coherent
with even the strangest Others I’ve experienced.
Everyone else, refusing to see, laughs, then whines,
“But it makes no sense!”

“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio,
than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” said William Shakespeare.
There ARE more things in Heaven than we acknowledge.
And with them, the world makes sense.

Does this make sense to you?

Twelve years flirting with “shamanic practice”


~ Twelve years flirting
~ Amazing changes since I quit

Twelve years of flirting with “shamanic practice.”  I wouldn’t recommend it.

Opening doors to the other dimensions, or recognizing that they were opened somehow, as was my case, and then not acting decisively about it is dangerous.  I’ve documented how dangerous it is all over this site, on pages and posts.

It has nearly killed me more times than I can tell, and nearly made me crazy.  And that’s how shamanic initiations are described in all the literature.  But that doesn’t mean it’s “wrong.”  Perhaps our path is to explore this danger.

deer_in_the_headlights_by_clubpenguinsandwich-d3l9bsxSometimes we just stand there like a deer in the headlights, asking, “What is this?  Is this real?  Should I go right or left?  Do I believe what I’ve been told about these things?  Are there other ways to interpret what I’ve heard about things like this?  What does my heart say?  Is it dangerous just because it’s mind blowing?  Might it be good?  Can I just watch and think and not act quickly?”

Meanwhile, the thing is storming down on you or has already taken you – where?

So after twelve years, feeling somewhat fortunate to be “chosen” or to have attained this awareness of the multiple dimensions, I’ve decided to not just “keep an open mind” to whatever comes through those portals, but to choose.  And I believe that’s the point.

Yeshiva - (I meant to write, and thought I wrote

Yeshiva – (I meant to write, and thought I wrote “Yeshua,” but I wrote this interesting derivation! Wonder where that came from….

I’ve chosen to connect and align with the only spiritual being whom I have ever felt kinship with, who hasn’t mystified me:  Yeshua.  

When I was a teen, I heard a youth minister recount some stories in which Christ came down squarely on the side of non-violence, non-sexism, non-racism, non-materialism, and anti-doctrine.

(Posts about my struggle with “Jesus” are under the category Yeshua/Jesus, to the right.)

Since making this decision (finally, or again?), and following it up by removing all the cluttering shamanic paraphernalia from the house (and allowing certain items back later, though to different, less prominent places), some wonderful changes have come about:

First, I’ve had no more horrendous experiences of waking bruised, burned, or biopsied with mysterious, debilitating exhaustion.  Done.  Gone!

Second, I’ve felt and followed the need to “clear energy” (clutter of various sorts) everywhere throughout the house, from the storage room, to my bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, sunroom, and closets.  

Not obsessively; just every few days I feel inspired, and it’s been easy and fun!  And the energy change is palpable, for both myself and my partner.  And interesting spiritual understandings have come about in the process.  Life is becoming productive again.

This is not to denounce shamanism (at least I don’t claim to know enough to say for sure).  

But I feel fairly confident about this:  just because the portals open and a friend suggests it might be one’s initiation doesn’t mean one is actually called or that it is a good call to answer.

Shamanic practice is an interesting phrase, used by those who want to explore the multiple dimensions – which I believe is a righteous desire but, after twelve years of going it alone, I’ll say its dangerous without a guide, and even with a guide it can be dangerous.  Just read Carlos Castaneda or any of this team of initiates.

I don’t believe I need any “practice,” which is probably why I resisted it so consistently.  Everything in my life tells me that I came into this world with “my lights on,” understanding the portals and extra-dimensional beings very well even in childhood – though I had to pretend not to know, to please my family.

Mind control tried further to convince me that I didn’t know, so I set aside what I knew and tried to be “open” in this realm we call shamanic.  Not good.

While I was “practicing” (or trying and failing to be diligent to the practice), I failed to learn the lessons that should have been easy because I was trying to see something others said they saw.  I’d been encouraged to make myself blind!

Finally, a few weeks ago, frustrated and seriously afraid (see this page if you wonder why), I realized Yeshua is the only spiritual being I have ever had a deep feeling for, so – regardless that he and his teachings have been perverted in church doctrine (little of which I believe) and made a mockery of on TV – he, the real Being, is my Chief, my Guide, my Counselor.

He’s the first one I speak to each morning, and the last one I speak to each evening, and I stay in touch throughout the day.  That’s the extent of my “shamanic” (multi-dimensional) practice today.

And life is no longer crazy.

Thank God!

I assume there are many, different Guides, one (or more) for each of us.  Find your spiritual connection/s.   Trust yourself.  Don’t let cultural lies get in the way.  Develop the relationship.  We need help here.  Can’t go it alone.


No longer a shamanic practitioner

imagesI mean no disrespect to shamanic practitioners, but I have just become aware of how unproductive, and maybe spiritually vulnerable, that attempted practice has been for me.  Yesterday, I stood at my alter, before an overwhelming clutter of totems of various animals that have played a significant role in my life, many totems of some of them, and felt a cacophony of guilt in my head for not being more disciplined about staying in connection with each of them, as is supposedly my responsibility if I want to accept their gifts.  But I have failed in that responsibility again and again.

Yeshiva - (I meant to write, and thought I wrote "Yeshua," but I wrote this interesting derivation!  Wonder where that came from….

Yeshiva – (I meant to write, and thought I wrote “Yeshua,” but I wrote this interesting derivation! Wonder where that came from….

And I had tremendous guilt about not acknowledging Yeshua more, whom I consider my spiritual leader, my tribal chief – but I hate the images of him painted in our culture by obnoxious evangelists and corrupt doctrine-writers, so unlike my image of him as the counter-culture, anti-materialist, love and peace prophet.  And since the foundation of my programming was done in churches with all that other religious iconography and his “name” – JEEZ-suz – being used (American South rendering of the Greek translation of his Hebrew name).  (And I’ll save for later the story of how a “Christian” church helped my abusive husband take my kids from me for two years.)   So my picture of Yeshua has him in a lotus pose, in saffron robes, flowers in a necklace, surrounded by lotus flowers, his heart open, wounded and shining, a crown of thorns on his head, a halo, a hand sign of peace, a gesture to the heart, and a look of calm sincerity.  (It came from a magazine cover, and I’ll appreciate if anyone can help me with the source – I’d like to credit it and the artist.)


I also like this portrait of him. His counsel regarding prayer: “Pray alone.” I like that. Feels most real to me.

So yesterday, I stood before my altar, hands at prayer pose, namaste, feeling very real with him, confused about who I am and how I’m doing, a racket of other voices – or my imagination of them – telling me I’m a bad shamanic practitioner and I can’t keep up any discipline.  Suddenly, I realized I didn’t have to.  Yes, I’d really believed I was strong enough to accept the shamanic initiation invitation, and I’d told myself, “Once the doors are opened, you can’t shut them” – and that’s true – but I had assumed that that meant I had to use those shamanic practices to keep my bearings in that world.  Suddenly I realized that, even though I was invited, and that means the doors have been opened, I don’t have to play by their rules, i.e., shamanism.  Yes, I’ve had many amazing, sublime shamanic experiences, but I don’t feel the need to sit in counsel with animal spirits.  I believe the animal spirits, trees spirits, insect spirits, and all the elementals and devas and intelligences of every sort in this Ocean of Spirit can come to my aid, and they will when called, but I will take my counsel in prayer with Yeshua.  And I realized all those totems were way to much visual noise.  I kept a few things to remind me of special events, but those very few are scattered now around the house.  My eagle feather hangs in a tree, where it probably likes it better.  And Yeshua is uncrowded in the center of my wall.

Oh, my Lord, I can’t tell you what an energy rush that was to remove everything!!  Once I began, it was like an avalanche:  many, many items now sit out in the sunroom awaiting separation into piles of gifts, piles of things to throw away, and things to sell.  (I’m not assuming these things are wrong for someone else, and thereby am recycling them for someone else’s life lessons.)  The clearing in here is palpable!

Last night, we talked about some things I’d thought we’d never be able to face, but we did.  We hardly slept last night,  both racked to our souls, and today we both feel clean and clear and dedicated to love and creative living.  What a relief!

At one point I sobbed, “I feel like I’ve been in a balloon, tossed around in a harrowing storm for 21 years, and I just touched ground safely.

Another image appeared of an abscess lanced, gaping open, being flushed out.  Relief.

Shamanism, Mind Control, Christ, “Aliens,” and Me

[This no longer reflects my views on shamanism and Yeshua.  For an update, see this blog.]

What is shamanism?  How do I relate to shamanism?  Is shamanism dangerous?  How does it relate to mind control?  Am I a shaman?  Am I dangerous?  Where does Jesus fit in?  Who are “aliens”?

imagesFirst, What is shamanism?

Shamanism exists across all cultures under different names, but the Siberian word has come to stand in for our contemporary understanding of the global, cross-cultural practice.

In all cultures, a few people (some estimate 2% or fewer) seem to have greater ability than others to perceive energies and intelligences in other dimensions and are often encouraged by their tribe to spend time in this practice of perception for the good of the people.

(The exception is for those born into a society hostile to or afraid of other dimensions, in which case, the shamanically-inclined person’s perceptions will be discouraged subtly or violently, i.e., those born in the United States.)

The natural shaman who is allowed to explore his or her facility will devote the majority of his or her life to learning to perceive more clearly, learning to protect him or herself from dangerous energies or intelligences, learning to communicate with useful and benevolent intelligences, and learning how to apply what they learn to help their tribe.  They will be an important source of knowledge to the tribe, for instance on growing and harvesting food and medicines, knowing of food game migrations, knowing the approach of strangers or bad weather, and healing for various illnesses, physical, emotional, spiritual, and social.

DVD template dollMany shamans are those who suffered at least one serious trauma at a young age; it caused them to leave their body and thereby experience the multi-dimensional world beyond the mundane.  For this reason, at least one tribe that I’ve heard of, when in need of a shaman, creates one intentionally by inducing a trauma on a young child in a carefully proscribed way: they separate a child of speaking age away from the tribe but within hearing distance in a cage where he or she is kept for a few years, cared for in a minimal way, but never spoken to or spent time with other than necessary.  The child can hear the tribe, but cannot interact and so eventually begins to spend more time separating psychically from the mundane and social life of the tribe and turn his or her awareness toward the larger cosmos.  This larger world, of course, includes other dimensions with other intelligences that they begin to interact with and with which they develop strong relationships.  Eventually the tribe retrieves the child and reintegrates him or her with honor back into the tribe, but the young shaman is never again like the rest.  For the rest of his or her life, the shaman will perform the daily work of seeking and delivering information and skills the tribe needs for survival and well-being.

Shamans generally communicate most effectively with intelligences in other realms when in an “altered” state of consciousness, which they self-induce by way of drumming, rattling, dancing, and sometimes using plant medicines.  From the standpoint of those trained in church settings, with hymn books, “Sunday clothes,” choir robes, and certain proscribed decorum, especially of First World America, these methods may seem superstitious and perhaps frightening.  This is, of course, a matter of cultural indoctrination.

How do I relate to shamanism?

The United States of America, of course, is not a culture that appreciates shamanic wisdom, but rather is hostile to it.  So when I, as a young child, had interactions with child-like angels, went into portals at night (which came to me, though I could never open them on my own), and spoke with plants and animals, I learned quickly to keep these things secret, and soon decided to put them out of my life.  Of course, when I began school, there was no time to investigate further with a schedule of American “education” and entertainment – probably designed so – and I soon “forgot” about my experiences.

I also remember the time I was told by beings who seemed like my family on other dimensions that I wouldn’t see them for “a very long time.”  I was devastated and pleaded for them not to go away.  They assured me it was necessary and they’d be watching over me, but I wouldn’t be able to be with them again for a long time.  The unspecific “long time” was additionally distressing, as I had nothing to look forward to.  They insisted I trust them and do my best on my own, promising they’d watch over me.  (I recognize, with this story, that I can’t entirely blame America for discouraging my shamanic awareness; it might have been required anyway, for some reason I do not understand.)

As an adult I continued to experience occasional “non-normal” events, much less frequently, but still very amazing.  I kept quiet about them, and this inclination was reinforced when I witnessed the mockery dealt to those who told of experiences like mine.

In 1994, at age 42, when my own children were on their own, I moved to the desert of Cochise County, Arizona, where for half of each week, I spent my days without clocks or calendar, eating when hungry, sleeping when tired, watching sunrises, sunsets, weather, animals, and the landscape changing with the seasons.  I read and wrote about whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and spent every sunset outside.  The other half of the week, I attended graduate school for creative writing, and lived on student loans, which allowed me this indulgence.

teepee under oaksAfter a year, I left the hermitage but returned in 2000, uncertain what I would be doing, but willing to live (simply, with no mortgage and few other expenses) on credit cards – for at least awhile.  The freedom I gave myself seemed to open doors, and I was soon experiencing a wealth of non-normal events, which a friend put words to:  a shamanic initiation.

Is shamanism dangerous?

That’s like asking if the world is dangerous.  Yes, depending on what you do in the world or the other realms.

Some shamans don’t use discernment, get conned, and connect with evil or troublesome intelligences on other realms and are subsequently known as bad shamans, bad ministers, witches, brujos or brujas.  (Good ones are known as shamans, good ministers, curanderos, curanderas, also brujos or brujas, witches, and many other names.)

How does this relate to mind control?

Bad shamans, I assert, can also be created by others – similar to the tribe’s method for good purposes, but this is done by controllers for potentially very dark purposes.

This, I believe, is a barely understood aspect of the darkest sort of mind control (MK), in which the subject is trained in psychic skills for other’s purposes, not for the good of the tribe.

Milder forms of mind control are of course also practiced broad-scale on the general populace, but I’m writing here about the darkest aspects of a most intense version of MK practiced on selected individuals, which involves the creation of amnesic super soldiers, couriers, spies, assassins, and sex slaves – and among them individuals with enhanced psychic abilities for remote viewing and more.

Our nation’s intelligence agencies have been highly interested in psychic powers for many decades, at least.  And many adults who were made subjects of mind control experiments as children recall being tested for psychic skills.  (I don’t have this particular memory, but I remember little other than MK intake and nightmares afterward.  And I have noticed profound psychic events most of my life.)

If those intelligence agencies could train an army of psychic spies, of course they would.  But they would need to make the psychic/shamanic spies totally loyal to them, and amnesic.  The subjects’ shamanic skills might not even be known to the subjects and would be totally in service to the controllers.

I believe the process they put us through – mind control, or MKULTRA – included a perverse variation on the ancient, but apparently rare, tribal practice of creating shamans, only they isolated us and tortured us brutally, so that we’d be both amnesic and totally subservient.

It seems to have worked well enough, judging by the number of people who believe they’ve been used as psychic information gatherers for most of their lives, with memories of remote viewing (some of my experiences) and even some with memories of conducting spiritual warfare on behalf of others.

The army of MK subjects is aging now, and our control may be breaking down.  With age, mental structures – including amnesic barriers – begin deteriorating.  Memories that were supposed stay hidden begin to arise, and the controlled ones begin to put together pieces of what happened to them.  Then, controllers have to weigh the risks and benefits of keeping them in service.  They may still have value, may still perform their duties regularly enough, but they need reprogramming more and more often.  I believe I’m in this latter category and that the frequency of physical wounds left on my body are evidence of this.

Some of us are also talking and educating others.  That creates more work for someone in the system to discredit us or divert our communications efforts.  If we become too much trouble, then they apparently kill the individual.  But if they can manage the downsides without too much effort, they can continue using their assets (representing decades of investment).

While I’ve begun understanding all this, I’ve begun reclaiming my shamanic skills for my own uses.

Am I a shaman?  Am I dangerous?

No, I’m not a shaman.  I’m a common “shamanic practitioner” (meaning simply, at this point:  I pray daily and spend time listening and recording).

I have occasionally been used to heal a number of people, receive messages from people who’d died unexpectedly, and other shamanic tasks.   I didn’t try to do this and sometimes resisted, but spirit nudged me and I allowed the actions to flow through me.

I pray I’m not dangerous as a potentially controllable shamanic practitioner, but I don’t know for certain – which is why I quit working with activist groups and quit offering psychic, shamanic, and healing work (which I did for a very short while).  It’s even why I quit my own private shamanic practice for a while: occasionally, I’ve thought it best to try to live only in the mundane world.

(Silly me.  Once the extra-dimensional doors are open, it doesn’t seem possible to close them.  Or else our other-dimensional helpers simply need us on this plane Unknown-2

and won’t leave us alone – as shaman Black Elk described in his biography.)


Taser burn (second-degree, removing skin) that appeared overnight, November 29, 2010, photographed two days later.

So I still wake up with evidence on my body that tells me that something was done to me in the night for which I have absolutely no memory:  two Taser burns, four or five incidents of two or three obvious “scoop marks” or biopsies, many bruises including apparent injection bruises, lacerations inside my vagina, apparent implants in various locations, and mysteriously healed and obvious surgical and other scars – a total of well over one-hundred physical marks since I began recording them a decade ago (see photo history on this site).  Plus many incidents of “missing time,” being conscious but immobilized, sensing vibrational/dimensional changes, being shot with energy beams, and even surrounded by strange fog forcing me to stop on the highway (one of three times).

I’ve tried not to assume the worst about this, that I’m being used by others for bad purposes.  When I have assumed the worst, I’ve sought help, found none, and then wanted out of this life – but I feel very certain that that’s not best for my soul, so I stay and eventually come out of my depression.  And I try to keep an open mind to other possibilities while also enjoying life and being a useful member of my community.

A positive explanation for all these marks is that they’re left by spirit family who, for whatever reason, can’t communicate with me because of my personal and our cultural mind control or other reasons, and actually all these things (or some of them) are for good, though I can’t understand now.  But I have no support for this other than my own wish for a positive interpretation.

Where does Jesus fit in?

58d2d41dd980effea93bdd5a21a5dac5I’ve read a few times that there’s no historical evidence for the existence of Jesus, and I’ve read that there is.  I don’t know.

do know that I’ve had extremely positive experiences a few times in my life when I contemplated his teachings and also when I’ve called on him – even in thoughtless, terrorized shock – for protection.  At those times I felt, not only that Christ was a powerful inter-dimensional being who could be called on for help, but that I know him on other dimensions, have known him for many lifetimes, and we’re kin.

So why am I not a “Christian”?  I used to be.  I even used to be a Christian minister’s wife.  But I’ve had horrendous experiences with Christians, particularly in assisting my husband in wresting my children away from me for no more reason than that I believed divorce was acceptable.  So today I have a visceral revulsion to the sight of pews in a church “sanctuary.”  (I got my children back after two years.)

I consider Christ’s teachings and the Christian Church to be entirely separate things.  After all, the Church was begun by the same government that for over 300 years used murder and torture to repress his followers; so it’s obvious to me that the Roman Church was the beginning of a massive disinformation campaign to attract would-be followers of Christ and trap them in religious routines.  Protestants tried to get away from it, but each break-away group has been infiltrated and controlled in a similar manner.  Even my last church, purportedly an independent “home church” where the dozen members would meet and take turns in leadership, was diverted in its intentions by a controlling couple who not only tried to take my children away from me, but did the same over a few years with two other divorcing couples, along with putting down any discussion of social justice (a major teaching of Christ’s) as “divisive.”

When I finally realized that rejecting the Church and rejecting Christ were two different things, I had to figure out how Christ fit into my shamanically-evolving life.  For instance, would he accept my efforts to connect with and learn from power animals as well as him?

yy12Here’s my conclusion to date:  We live in an ocean of spirit, highly populated with good and bad, benevolent and evil beings, many in-between, evolving, stupid, not-so-stupid-but-not-helpful-enough-to-bother-with, and everything in between.  Perhaps it swirls like an infinitely intricate yin-yang design.  On the benevolent side is Christ as the leading light, teaching, prophesying, offering to save us and help us everyday; on the other side is everything we call evil, including mind control.

Here’s where my theology breaks from the masses:  Even though Christ is an infinitely intelligent being, and infinite in powers, he doesn’t personally, magically do everything asked of him by his followers.  I see his existence as much more natural and organic than that.  As the largest tree in the forest doesn’t “do everything” for itself, but is served by birds, insects, fungi, moss, mammals, rain, etc., so Christ is served by other connected intelligences who serve our needs as go-betweens on Christ’s behalf.

Some people call the go-between intelligences the Holy Spirit or angels, others call them devas, faeries, elementals, and even aliens.  I try to ignore the language because the cultural cartoons associated with the words get in our way of deeper, subtler understanding; cartoons are probably part of our cultural mind control, used to mock and disempower otherwise very empowering truths.

So I imagine an infinite field of intelligent energy, among which Christ is supreme, at least at this arm of our galaxy, at least for me and those of us who choose to align with him.  When we direct energy and requests his way, the same way a tree root directs a need toward fungi in the soil, the communication is heard and responded to via a series of interactions, not a simple two-part process; and our needs are met in the multi-dimensional world in a similar manner as needs are met in the natural world on the material plane, via many interactions with many parts, intelligences, or beings.

As a shamanic practitioner, communicating in the multiple dimensions, I petition Christ first and last.  Often, he seems to respond by sending a particular person, angel, situation, or spirit animal (or physical animal) my way.

I used to feel very conflicted about this, as though I were hedging my bets, not being loyal to The One – though The One is All, many say.  Then I attended a shamanic conference and witnessed three-quarters of a roomful of a hundred-and-fifty shamanic practitioners raise their hands to the question “Who considers Jesus Christ a major help among your spirit helpers?”  That gave me permission to trust my vision of this world as a great network of evolving intelligence, inside which I could align myself with Christ, but still be connected to all that was also aligned with him, which is a huge net of Life on many dimensions.

And then I read about the Avodah Zarah, a Jewish text, in which Christ was called Yeshua ben Panther – a very shamanic-sounding name!  (Similar to “Lion of Judah” and “Lion of God,” other Biblical names.)  And I recalled Christ saying that we would “do all these things [healings, he was speaking of] and more” – exactly what shamans do!

While Christians may pray to Christ each day, their practice is usually based on following proscribed doctrine – words delivered by others – which tell them how to live in this material world.  I, on the other hand, have very little doctrine, and that which I have I’ve developed from my own personal experience.

Recently I’ve renewed my dedication to devote a great deal of my time to prayer and communicating with Christ and other intelligences in the other realms, and my communications are most successful when I alter my consciousness and focus my attention into other dimensions using the shamanic practices of drumming and rattling, but that’s not always necessary.  The right heartfelt attitude is enough, but the rituals are important focusing activities.

Who are “aliens”?

First, as I’ve said many times, “aliens” is too big a concept for the word to be useful – like using “marine life” to describe everything from algae to whales to human’s submarines.

I’ll use the word, though, to indicate all intelligence not bound to this mundane, three-dimensional planet, i.e., extra-terrestrial and/or extra-dimensional beings.

Many of them are reputedly “good,” supporting our evolution, while some seem to be at the very least challenging our evolution or, at worst, imprisoning us and controlling our minds, and maybe even harvesting genetic material.  I don’t know, but others have risked everything dear to them to assert such “crazy” ideas, and I hate to say that I also seem to have evidence all these things as well.

My experience with “aliens” does not include any that seem like the typical small “grays” with large, slanted, all-black eyes.  Rather, I’ve been unfortunate to have been terrorized by the types called Reptilians on EarthReptilians, even though until they became conscious to me, I’d thought the tales were unfortunate disinformation meant to discredit the whole field regarding aliens.  I’ve also seen over a dozen UFO’s, sometimes with others as witnesses.

Many researchers have documented connections between mind control and aliens, Reptilians in particular.  And while I’ve not read much of their reporting on the subject, I’ve developed my own theory, admittedly vague (vagueness is my inclination while trying to understand multi-dimensional reality with a three-dimensional mindset – seems only honest, given the limitations of language).

My vague theory is this:  I believe that, among all the alien intelligences interacting with Earth, most are benevolent, akin to anthropologists, researchers, observers, diplomats, teachers, and prophets, and to other mindsets, angels.  But there also exists other intelligence, more self-serving, among them the Reptilians, akin to pirates, corporate resource raiders, and to other mindsets, demons.

This is the “exo-political” viewpoint.  (The word exopolitics was coined by Alfred L. Webre, JD, author of Exopolitics and former Jimmy Carter White House appointee, who called my book “an important historical document”).  He writes, “We live in a highly populated cosmos.”

(Some even say no aliens are actually evil, as “All is God,” but they are only provoking us to greater spiritual awareness and development.  I have a very hard time with this idea, having experienced childhood sexual abuse as part of my fracturing and mind control, but sometimes I truly feel this real possibility – that “It’s all okay.”)


anima_mundiOur already-complex, Earth-bound political views need to be expanded beyond this Earth, and thereby made even more complex (sorry to put on the pressure!), in order for us to understand our multi-dimensional reality and situation.

Until we do that, we are all mind-controlled, to greater or lesser extent, to limit our vision and laugh at anything larger, and thereby miss understanding who we are and where our dangers and our powers lie in the larger cosmos.  In accepting this simplified version of life, we remain terribly vulnerable and unable to appropriately address any of our social, environmental, political, psychological, and spiritual issues.  And indeed the world does seem incredible “stuck.”

So, even though this world wants to laugh at “aliens,” laugh at “Jesus Christ” (made such a mockery on television and in movies in particular), and perhaps roll our eyes at shamanic practice, I have to say:  I was forced to overcome my own personal aversions to all of these and was then finally able to open my mind to the reality of Christ and all the other intelligence in the cosmos.

It was difficult because I then also saw the dark energies surrounding us, and me.  Christians have tried to “save” me (again), but I’ve chosen to align with Christ in my own manner, on my own two humble feet, not under the authority of another minister.  I’ve been working (more consistently since my last dark three days) to strengthen my connections to Goodness and to break the bonds of mind control.

Like everything in life, the struggle continues.  There’s no easy fix.  (Shamans must continue to protect themselves daily).  And with each day, generally, I become stronger.  Sometimes I’ve wanted to give it up, the struggle is sometimes so difficult, but those days pass, and I find I’m stronger yet each time.

Most days, I live quite happily, a formerly “closet”-shamanic practitioner, coming out.  Sometimes I’d prefer to avoid the term shamanism, so loaded with cultural misunderstanding, but for others, the word says it perfectly.  So here I am:  A minister, writer, activist, and someone who relates to spirit in a manner we call shamanic.

Jean Eisenhower
Silver City, NM
August 9, 2014

Sources of Power III: Tribe

We are only half-creating our “own” evolution; someone else is tending us as their garden.  Sometimes the gardener really rips things up.  But we’re more than plants to these gardeners; we’re also their children, carrying some of their DNA.  (Just like Jesus said, calling us his children.  He also called himself our shepherd and us his sheep, like it or not – another religious metaphor that fits the theory perfectly.)

In my life, I’ve had a few experiences of Jesus, more real than anything I know today.  And now I know he’s my tribal leader in the cosmos, my chief, my spiritual help and guide, my teacher.  His teachings include the wisdom that heaven should be sought within.

His American name though!  I war with it all the time.  Jesus is the Americanized version of the Greek translation of Yeshua.  The translation would be okay, but it is also made a mockery of by TV evangelists, it’s used as curse, and, more to the heart of things, I was abused under that name.

I’ve tried a few times to go to church, but pews, even the semblance of pews with folding chairs, make me sick.  And the name rings in my head with bad memories.

But the man who warned us away from sexism, violence, materialism, racism, and doctrine – he’s my Chief, brother, comrade, friend, compatriot, and fellow-warrior.

Sources of Power IV: Opposition

“Armed with Visions”

America is “First” in

1)  percentage of population which believes, but won’t publicly enter into discussion on, numerous things that affect them in political, social, economic, psychological, health, and other ways, but instead chose to be silent and let themselves and others suffer, and

2) people who think it’s absolutely true that we are the “freest” and thereby most fortunate people on the planet.

I hate to quote the Bible, because I believe it is a compendium of politically-sanctioned trivia with mostly political intent for the spiritual “truths” included; nevertheless, there are gems in it.  And I love it when my years as an idealistic young “radical Christian” recall a scripture that makes my body resonate with wonderful recognition.

This is one of those scriptures, very simple:  ”The first shall be last.”

I trust in that.

And I ‘m grateful to the prophet and teacher who tried to teach people on this planet how to live peacefully.

(I diverge from mainstream “Christians” in that I don’t believe that Jesus died, or saved or ransomed our souls by dying.  I don’t “know,” but I like the story that the famous rabbi didn’t die or was somehow resurrected and returned to teach in the East where he first learned from Hindu and Buddhist holy men who received you into his land when he avoided marriage in his home town of Nazareth by leaving to visit the magi who’d visited him at his birth.  [There’s wonderful evidence of this.  See the movie,  “Jesus in India” by Paul Davids and Edward T. Martin.])

I have no doctrine beyond a few phrases you might glean here.

I consider myself of the tribe of Yeshua.

When I first heard a few Bible stories told by a youth minister in the basement of a local church, in a crowd of young wannabe hippies, all sitting on carpet samples and scraps sewn together – stories against racism, sexism, violence, and materialism – my heart opened in a way I’d never felt, as though these ideas, never demonstrated in the life in which I’d always felt so strange, were written in my bones, and somehow these ideas had triggered an intelligence in me that was not of this life but reminded me who I was in a more infinite manner than in this Earth life, not in concept, but in body sensation.

Something opened up, and I knew this was my teacher, not by rational decision, though my mind was jazzed as well, but because it felt as though it had always been.

I believe Yeshua, Chief of my tribe, is returning.  And the “harvest” is in process.

Find yourself.

Resonate with whom you are, concentrating on your idea of you.

In this way, your cosmic tribe will find you.

Find yourself.  Find your tribe.

The Meaning of Pain (a forgotten exchange last May)

[Just discovered – and years later (2020) rediscovered in my Drafts folder that I’d somehow decided I didn’t want this published anymore, so I put it back in drafts – but now I reread and decide this needs to be out there! – this quite long essay this morning, written last May!  Still timely.  Because it’s long, I’ve highlighted a few “upshot” phrases for those who just want to skim.  It’s a meditation turned into a discussion with someone on another realm.  I doubt the person and resist the message throughout, but then….]

Sitting on the garden bench with my cat this morning,
having just said goodbye to Greg, going off to another day of work to pay our bills, super-grateful to be relieved of this pressure for a few months, feeling gratitude for so many good things, and amazement at the beauty and peace of the garden – thanks to Greg’s diligence.

I’m thinking about the download of information that had hit me yesterday:

I sat on the sofa about dusk, for about two hours, engaged in a deep conversation with someone who felt wise and not unkind, though some of the things said struck me that way.

First, I felt pain in my left shoulder and saw the shape of a large hook in me encompassing part of my skeleton.  I remembered that the previous day, in my mediation, I’d asked for a healing and felt a little chain of hooks disconnected from between my shoulder blades up my neck.  Pr-r-r-r-rt!  They were pulled out easily.

I’d lain there marveling that it was done so quickly, but almost immediately realized it wasn’t all done; this was just a bunch that could be removed easily.  There’d be more, and I knew I had to be patient.

Another pain presented in my neck, I estimate my C2 vertebra.  I wondered what had happened there when I was younger.

Suddenly, I’m with another girl who is murdered viciously by a weapon to her neck, ripping her vertebrae.  I jerk with recognition for just a moment, but keep myself withdrawn from its “reality.”  (All is an illusion, some say, so I’ll withhold judgement, even though it feels real.)

I’m here, now, I tell myself, on my comfortable sofa, free, with many wonderful aspects to my life.  That was long ago.  I recognize that I’m taking this sort of thing more easily, not freaking out.  Good for me.  ‘Bout time.

But I carry the pain in my neck.  And I think I also carry the obedience it enforced.  It would make sense of the incredible obedience I’ve practiced much of my life toward people I don’t respect.

More pains appear in my body, and each one has a story of suffering, fear, and a decision to obey.

This is not news.  What is the meaning of reviewing this?  I’m alive here today.  Messed up in ways, certainly, with spotty memory, stunted social skills, but more aware than others – and I think that’s a decent trade-off.  I agree with Krishnamurti that “It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

I re-focus on my body and its pains, and think about the programming that did this to me and thousands others – or tens of thousands, or more?

We know Columbus used torture to induce the Natives to bring him gold.  And now the controllers use it to get all sorts of service, from sexual to military to domestic to political, and on and on.

Does this go wa-ay back, even to Sumer?  Is that how they enslaved the masses to create the monuments?

Since I’ve heard so many times that “All is of God” and we shouldn’t look at things in such polarized ways as good versus evil, I try to consider this idea, to decide if I can accept that torture for the purpose of mind-control fits in the “All” that is “God.”

It can’t, can it?

The discussion begins:  Everything living in nature consumes something else that then ceases living, except as a part of the thing that consumed it.  Predator and prey are the ways of Nature.  You value Nature.

Of course.  Once, on a boat in Hawaii, I felt the great Goddess of the ocean rise up about six feet off the top of the water as far as I could see, and being on the deck of a small boat, I felt the energy very close to me, intelligent, giving, and loving to some deep degree that made me feel I could crumple in sobs right there at the rail with other dolphin-swimming new friends a few feet behind me.  Instead, I kept my composure and opened my heart as wide as I could to accept the power of Her, and knew that this was a revealing of the Goddess to a mortal, a huge gift, something that would change me if I’d accept it.  I opened my heart and said to myself silently:  I do, I do.

I knew I’d had many other experiences (how many forgotten?) before that, but each time chose not to take it too seriously.  (After all, the culture made fun of people who do.)

The magnificent, intelligent, loving energy of the ocean settled down, but continued to hum in my heart for many months after that, and only went away after enduring at least six months (I remember writing about it) of terrible mouth pain, day in and day out (for having visited a dentist in Tucson, whom I’m convinced is torturing every spiritual-seeking hippie he can attract with his New Age presentation.  But I digress….)  This experience and some magical swimming with dolphins away from the boats on the last day of my trip buoyed me so much that I felt high, despite daily pain, for many months afterward.

And that’s only one of many, many stories I remember of being gifted in some way in Nature.

So, yes, I love Nature, and yes, I understand that it involves predation, one species of another.  But aren’t humans different?

You’re learning to be.  And now you need to learn that predation is not evil.  It’s just “what is”:  energy become part of new energy, constantly.

Some of those “alien abductees” (whose accounts you’ve read, so you’ve heard this) were told about human beings as prey to other species, and you considered the idea, but rejected it. 

Yeah.  No one wants to hear that they are prey.

Why do you resist this simple truth of Nature, that all life involves predation?  Think of it as energy exchange.  You should never have been told you were at the top of the food chain.  It was a lie.  There is no “top” in a loop.

And prey, you know, don’t die.  Life simply goes on in another form.  Some prey are used in mundane ways, like compost, while others serve their predators in more interesting ways. 

Like mind control subjects?

(Ignoring my question)  You’ve sometimes said that you think your tormentors, even though they’re “mean to you,” still “like” you and will protect you somehow.  You’ve intuited the truth. 

But we’re still prey.

Why cringe at that?  Why cower?  Do you – like other conscious ones among you, like Native people – honor the meat that you eat?  Is it not worthy of your respect?  Do you not admire the beauty of the salmon and it’s life before you consume it?

Change channel!  Can I change this channel?

I answer myself:  No.  Stay with this.  Don’t be afraid of it – after all, it’s either a lie, in which it won’t hurt me, or it’s the truth, in which case it’s better to know than not know.  So I can stay with this.  Just a theory I’ll consider.

I know who I am.  I’m in the tribe of the one who tossed over the money-changers’ tables.  I’m in the tribe of the one who defended the unmarried woman, who told Mary not to worry that Martha was all uptight about working in the kitchen alone, who advocated caring for a strange man – of another race – on the road, and encouraged us not to devote our life energy to material things.  That’s my tribe, and I know they’re nearby on other planes where we can’t see them, maybe because of our programming, and maybe because we’ve been engineered or implanted to have duller senses.  I know they’re there and am infinitely grateful for those glimpses and miracles and healings and signs over my lifetime.  That’s who I am.  I can listen to this argument and see where it is heading.

Even “Jesus” ate fishes and bread.  He thanked God for those fishes, and then he ate them.  Those fishes died for humans, and those wheat plants too.

I can handle that.  Certain life exists specifically in service to another.

Everything exists in a web of give and take.  And most of the time, we call it beautiful.

The evening primroses blooming profusely in the garden right now have as their nourishment dead and dying things.

I remember when my permaculture teacher, Bill Mollison, described life at the roots of plants, including nematodes which grab – ! – and at this point, he made a quick motion of snatching some passing organism in the soil, reminding us that even in the most serene garden, underground life is thing-eat-thing, literally dark, and – if we choose to see it that way – even vicious.  Lovely flowers.

So, I understand that.  But human life….  Shouldn’t it be different?  Isn’t that what we say elevates us from the rest?  Don’t tell me we’re no better.

It’s part of a process.

Remember the conversation you had with Greg about humans in a primitive state not living in any Eden.  Life was a constant struggle against Nature, making shelter, keeping warm, finding food and water (much of it requiring the death of plants and animals, we might add).  And when a tribe lost what they had because of the cruelties of Nature, they went somewhere else, and sometimes that threatened others’ survival, and that turned, and still turns, into conflict. 

But even when entire primitive lifetimes were what you might think of as very good, say, “pastoral,” those people did little more than feed themselves and if they were lucky, make love, raise children, and make a little art to leave behind:  clay pots, song, dance….  They weren’t “going anywhere.”  Pretty much, their lives were devoted to little more than feeding themselves and having fun when they had time – until they were employed by people with bigger visions. 

Is that what this all about?  Bigger visions?

I often wonder what I would give up to free all the people enslaved to bring us our modern conveniences.  Computers?  Absolutely.

Would I sacrifice Greg’s guitar?  Well, I hope it wouldn’t be necessary, because that company harvested the wood in a manner certified to be “sustainable,” though I know there’s more to the industry that I might not like if I knew more about it.

Would I give up a culture with cafes and bars, like the ones where I’ve listened to local musicians over the years?  I don’t know.  How about the bakery with its backyard stage where I first saw Greg?

Or the digital camera that lets us record ourselves?  I think I would give it all up, especially the hours of practice to achieve a culturally-acceptable sound, in exchange for a lifetime of singing around a fire with others who are our community.  Definitely.

All the goodies of today’s world I think I would give up to free the billions of people slaving in Third World factories to give us things we will throw in the trash next year.

But I sense this question is not so black-and-white.

Very good.  It’s not.  And we still need to finish this examination of predation.  The fact remains:  Life requires death.  And death often takes the form of predation – as beings like you need to eat.

The volvox comes to mind.  Life, I once read, when it evolved sexual reproduction (the volvox being the first sexual organism), introduced something else new to evolution along with sex – and that is death.  Until sex, nothing died.  All life simply multiplied unless killed by accident, but most life lived on immortally, reproducing itself exactly, with no variation.

With sex came the advent of diversity and change – but only with death.  Otherwise, diversity and change with unbridled expansion create something akin to cancer – covering the planet.  Since life needed some limits, death and sex came together in this new stage in Earth’s evolution.

Yes:  Death became essential.  If not for death, the Earth’s resources would be quickly depleted, and there would be no order, no selection of what works best over that which doesn’t work. 

Something has to select what will continue and what will not.  Predation is that tool.

I’m feeling irritated, sensing this is leading me to something I don’t like.  I feel like a child being told a fact of life that’s obvious and I still don’t like it.

And it’s embarrassing because it’s so obvious.  Like, I shouldn’t need to be almost sixty before coming to terms with this.

And I’m suspicious that I’m being led down a reasonable-sounding path toward something that’ll seem convincing, but might not be true.  Just because the argument begins with some truths doesn’t mean it contains the whole story or will arrive at a correct conclusion.  I’m on my guard.

That said, I agree that predation is natural and necessary.  But it seems that human evolution could be kinder – not the slavery that billions experience, from physical to mind control.

Why should humans be kinder?

[Sigh.]  Too big a question.

You’re right.  I’ll help you. 

Why are you not kind to every living thing?  Why do you pay someone to raise and slaughter cows in a manner that is not kind?  Why do you buy a computer that required some woman to leave her children alone all day, while she breathes toxic air and solders your microchips?  Why do you still rip out “weeds” without a thought and lop branches off fruit trees when their sap flows in the spring?

Because I am a product of my culture, and I was not only not taught respect, but every bit of respect I had in me innately has been disrespected and discouraged over my lifetime.  I “forget.”  I’ve been culturally controlled to be half-asleep.

I know it sounds like an excuse, but aren’t these legitimate reasons for being half-asleep?  I don’t buy that we’re all personally responsible for everything our culture has created before we arrived here.  If I was, I’d die of regret and overwhelm.

Just yesterday, I wondered about my heart holding out.  I wasn’t stressed; I was focusing inward, to meditate, when my heart suddenly hurt, and then my left arm hurt, and that scared me.

I don’t believe we can take on the sins of the world, as much as we might want to dedicate ourselves to good causes; it seems we have to protect our hearts somewhat.  We have to shut down.


I think I have to, to keep living.  I think there’s something else good for me to do here, and I don’t believe I have the strength to keep going if I acknowledge all that’s wrong.

This morning, Greg showed you a few of the music videos he watched with headphones last night while you meditated.  You clearly enjoyed watching George Harrison sing, smile, and talk about his life.

I did.  And I know that George Harrison would never have come into existence in the way he did if we’d all lived a pastoral life – he wouldn’t have been needed.

But I think I get your point.  Our ideas today – including our consciousness of right behavior and unnecessary pain – are far beyond what they were in that (peaceful or not) pastoral setting.

I’m reminded of something I’ve often described:  Thesis, antithesis, and synthesis.  The pastoral life is the thesis or theme for humankind’s beginning in Nature; the antithesis is service to an industry of human ideas; and we’re now working out our synthesis – never easy.  I accept that.

So what was our last question?

Two unanswered, but related:  “Why should human evolution be ‘kind’?”  And “Must we accept predation?”

It’s seems more enlightened to be kind and get beyond predation.

But the world is not enlightened.

How could I forget!?  I remember knowing, when I was very young that this culture wasn’t a good one.

But kindness is something we can aspire to.  It may even be “what it’s all about” in this crazy, cruel, horrific, fascinating, entertaining, entrancing, deadly culture – to evolve greater kindness.

And until humans decide that kindness has value and should be balanced with the other values (industry, for example), we won’t be enlightened.

Right.  And so, now you’re experiencing a culture based on a limited set a values – limited because humans haven’t fully-enough experienced the downside of cruelty.  You’re about to, though.

I think I already have, with my childhood programming terrors.  Can we heal those?

It’s very messy, and it’s all connected, complicated, and could have some unknown consequences.

Are you saying we have to leave my hooks in?

(I sense a decision to do a demonstration for me.)  I sense the big hook separated slightly from my shoulder, and see it’s connected to everything else.  Everything has tugged slightly out-of-place, and I see/sense all the connections that would have to be dealt with if this one thing were dealt with.  I agree it’s a messy problem.

And I assume this is why I’ve often felt that my help on the other dimensions had to leave it in place, always “for a while longer.”  (Or I was programmed not to seek healing for so long that it’s now too late.)

The results of those hooks are only occasional experiences of forgetfulness or doing something embarrassing – small potatoes compared to the psychic trouble it would be to disconnect everything:  I would need to go back, heal, and rebuild myself from infancy up.  I sense that my extra-dimensional help has “work-arounds” ready.  So I’ll survive in my current “hooked” condition.

But I’m tired of feeling like a pawn, and my back hurts.

Well, you are a pawn.  And lots of people and other living things also hurt.  

But you know that this Earth life is only a flash in your soul’s long history.

But his Earth life feels damn long – and painful – now.

Yes, we know.

So how does this all tie together?  My pain, and the suffering of billions for the pleasure of a few – how do they tie in with human evolution?

Nature, with death, includes suffering,  The Buddha was right.

But what value is there to evolution in torture and mind control?  Can’t we create a culture in which no one has to serve another by scrubbing their toilets, indulging their perverse sexual cravings, and soldering with toxic chemicals?  Does nature require that wealthy psychopaths purchase other human beings like this?  The development of the Internet, music industry, and shipping of avocados for my guacamole should be able to be developed without such human misery.  Please tell me it’s possible.

It is, and you’re on the way.

Okay, so now tell me, was all this pain a necessary step?  Or might we have avoided it?

You might have, but not likely.  Nature favors the aggressor.  That’s another fact of Nature, at least in young ecosystems.  Mature ecosystems favor cooperation, and Earth culture is in the process of discovering the difference right now – it’s a critical point in your evolution.  Some will choose the old way; some will see alternatives, like those you’ve written about and tried to practice.

I didn’t write or promote as much as I thought I would.  It seemed every time I had the opening, something intervened, or I sabotaged myself.

Of course, the system in place, the aggressors or controllers, as you call them, have created a system, including your programming, to keep you from undermining their game.  It’s their nature to do exactly this.  And your job is not just to see something better, but to also deal with the reality of the world around you.

Two things at once.

Yes, sorry [I sensed sarcasm here], we gave you two things at once – sometimes life does that.

Okay, so our challenge is to see another way and at the same time protect ourselves from abuse if we can, or put up with the abuse, and try to help others not be so abused.  And all those channelers and others who say that all this cruelty is a just “life lesson” are pretty much right?

Soul lessons – no small thing.

So that we souls will know absolutely that unbridled predation is unnecessary?

Well, it might actually be necessary for a period of time, as in the “immature ecosystem” we mentioned.  You can’t have a mature ecosystem until you have passed through the immature phase.  The lowest forms of life must first just survive.  

Aren’t we beyond the lowest forms?

What do you think?

We’re graduating?  Or on the verge of it?

Some of you are.

And until we do, we’re in this low-life stage, surrounded by low-lifes, being tortured and mind controlled, economically controlled, pharmaceutically controlled, environmentally controlled, and…?

Yes.  And aren’t you motivated to change?

And so we have to be tortured so we’re highly motivated to create a culture without it?

Pretty much.

But what about parents who give their babies into this program?

Did you give your children over?

Not in my conscious memory, but I have allowed them to become entranced, because I couldn’t see any reasonable way not to.

Then you would have robbed them of their essential lessons.

But what of those who consciously participate in their children’s mind control?

They too were mind controlled, tortured, amnesic, and terrified.  

Were any of them conscious of the torture?

How conscious are you?

I see consciousness is all relative and probably not a conversation I can have from where I’ve been, struggling as I am with my own consciousness.


So the Illuminati, calling themselves, essentially, “the enlightened or conscious ones,” are willing to torture children.  Is this an irony and contradiction that the “dark” Rulers of the exploitative systems of this world are the ones dealing the lessons to us?  In other words, the Devil is driving our soulful evolution.  Is that it?

And in that sense, “All is God” – including the most terrible, baby-sacrificing Satanist?  Is this our God and driver of our evolution?

If you insist on putting it that way.

I don’t like this conclusion and suspect that you’ve used some errant logic to arrive here.  It’s what I’ve been hearing whispered into my ear for a long time, maybe the reason I’ve been afraid to meditate, why I’ve tried again and again to forget all this and just do something useful in the world, and forget that sometimes I know I’ve been controlled and left with cuts and bruises.  Your conclusion sounds just like a secret society justification for their abuse of the common people.  Like the grifter or con man:  “I’m giving them a valuable lesson about whom to trust.”


But this ignores a larger reality.


And that is …  that is… that there is a kinder way to accomplish those goals.

Is there?  How would people know how to distrust if they didn’t first encounter someone untrustworthy?

I see your point….

So we have to suffer?  Is the Buddha really right when he said we had to suffer?

I always have remembered the pain I felt when my daughter, three years old, fell and smashed her little lips into the asphalt, causing them to swell up and scab into little points giving the impression of a bird-beak, and she couldn’t smile or laugh when her father called her “little bird” all that week.  My heart still aches to remember the stoicism of that little child, so hurt in order to learn to pick up her feet.

And I want to cry for all the children who’ve suffered with hands blown off by land-mines dropped by my government in senseless wars, or children orphaned or put to work at young ages to sew cheap garments we won’t even keep for long.

And I feel like I’m leaving this realm soon anyway, don’t feel like I even belonged here in the first place, actually, so it’s good to think of everything collapsing soon.  I look forward to it.

It’s coming soon.

But this existence was necessary for awhile?

For “a while.”

And the controllers aren’t “evil,” just a necessary player in our soul’s evolution?

That’s right.

It’s seems right, but I don’t like it.


I don’t like excusing what I think of as evil.

You’ve said yourself that your daughter wouldn’t have learned to pick up her feet without smashing her lips, and the deer wouldn’t have evolved its speed without the lion, and people might not understand how to create culture unless they’d experienced cultures that were cruel.

Yeah.  But I still don’t like it.

I’m determined to keep promoting what I think will contribute toward a working culture for when this thing collapses, which I pray will be soon.

And what will you promote?

Besides all the Earth-sustaining practices I learned with Permaculture:  cooperation.

How will everyone take care of all the life necessities?  Will people specialize and some even serve others so that more capable people have time to envision and implement evolutionary changes?

Some will serve others [I say, even though I have always felt very uncomfortable with this idea], as I can see its utility, as well as recognize that not everyone is evolving at the same level at once.

Will some clean others’ toilets?

Quit hitting me with uncomfortable details.  I’d create a system with ecosystem-integrated toilets that didn’t need cleaning, other than what Nature did naturally.

Good.  See how your emotion has helped you clarify this.  This is the sort of creative thinking that comes from strong desire, born of strong emotion, usually painful.  You’ll do well in helping guide some new culture.

I’m tired and don’t think I’d be respected.


Because I’ve been so self-sabotaging that I’ve just lost credibility.

Don’t project into the future what you’ve experienced in the past.

I know that.  But that’s all we humans can do, and it’s required, for us to plan.

[laughing]  You’re correct.  Everything in balance.  And be prepared for everything to move out of balance.  Things change.  There are the seasons, as you often point out, and there are cosmic seasons.

Don’t waste energy and emotions decrying the controllers.  Instead, find your personal strengthKnow what you believe in, the positive things, not the things you want to go away; they will, without your energetic hemorrhaging; it’s a waste of energy. 

And even our conversation didn’t do the subject justice; it’s far beyond your Earthly understanding; remember you’ve been mind-controlled; so go with your gut and intuition.  And turn your focus now on what you want, not what you don’t want.  

Is that how our cosmic tribe will find us?  By resonance, as I’ve written?

Essentially.  But it’s more than just focusing on that.  Remember Lao Tzu, and doDoing creates a strong resonance.  Sitting, stewing, musing, especially in anger or indignation or fear, only sends out a beacon to your tormentors.

But when I try to forget them, it’s like I’m a lizard my cat is tormenting:  they bat me around to see if I’ll run and become their toy again.

And what do you do?

I used to get hysterical, but I just understood – again, as I do forget – that that only excites them.

Yes, there are unevolved spirits in the other realms, not much more evolved than your cat.  You’re getting it if you understand now that you just shouldn’t react to them.  

Is this a hell planet?  Or a prison planet?

Both metaphors work in a sense, but they’re unnecessarily alarming, so I wouldn’t go there.  

But, it is true that both heaven and hell exist in this third-dimensional space called Earth, but neither heaven nor hell are as the masses understand them.  They’re the conditions under which our souls are forged, sometimes in fire, and sometimes in other ways, through beauty, as you also enjoy – in music, art, dance, garden design, service to community, all of which have lifted you to rapture at times.  Don’t forget those times.

Nature Spirits Described Through History

“Each person possesses within himself [and herself] the powers and latent faculties necessary to become aware of a multi-dimensional universe.”  — Paracelsus

Rebel Western scientists Paracelsus and Rudolph Steiner were included in a fascinating book published in 1997 by Peter Tompkins, titled The Secret Life of Nature: Living in Harmony with the Hidden World of Nature Spirits from Fairies to Quarks.[1]  

Paracelsus was born in the Swiss canton of Schwyz in 1490, where he was given the impressive (and maybe to those with Western sensibilities humorous) birth name Phillipus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim.  A contemporary of Martin Luther, he became an alchemist, which means he was born into a family of means, as alchemy was taught only within a secret society, pledged to keep those secrets within the structure of power. Paracelsus broke from at least part of that structure.

According to Tompkins, Paracelsus may have been a greater reformer than Martin Luther, as he tackled not only religion but medicine and physics as well.  In his society, academic writing was done exclusively in Latin, for one’s fellow academicians to approve or disapprove, with no involvement of common people.  Paracelsus flaunted this tradition and wrote a treatise on nature spirits in the common German vernacular used by his local community, making his thoughts available to all.  For centuries afterward, his work was used as a primary source for innumerable writings by others.

Paracelsus gathered his data by going straight to his source, nature, in which he steeped himself deeply.  Then he asked non-academicians such as herbalists, faith healers, gypsies, hermits, witches and anyone else who claimed knowledge of the healing arts – aside from doctors – what they knew.  He discovered that their lore had a form and structure which matched his own experiences with intelligent forces in nature.

The rebel alchemist defined these spiritual intelligences as “elementals,” which he divided into beings working in the categories of earth (gnomes), water (sprites), air (sylphs) and fire (salamanders).  They all perform the tasks that we in the “First World” today call “forces of nature” and primitive people and other mystics call spirits of mountain, sea, storm, etc.

If these ideas weren’t radical enough, Paracelsus publicly burned the books of Galen, whose writings had held the course of medicine in a highly rational track for over twelve-hundred years, and the works of Avicenna, a Persian physician whose textbook was a standard in Europe for the previous couple hundred years.  He further scandalized his fellow doctors and academicians by telling them that “each person possesses within himself the powers and latent faculties necessary to become aware of a multi-dimensional universe.”

This radical truth, that humans have the potential to perceive a multi-dimensional universe, we still wrestle with today – at least in First World cultures.

Four hundred years after Paracelsus, in the same Swiss canton of Schwyz, Rudolph Steiner expanded Paracelsus’ work with lectures on the role of nature intelligences in the growth and development of all the kingdoms of nature:  mineral, vegetable, animal, and human.

Steiner was born in 1847, in Croatia, a village so remote that nature was a powerful force for him as a child.  He became highly clairvoyant in his young years and convinced of a world beyond that which his parents could conceive.  To master both worlds and communicate about the one to the other, he trained himself thoroughly at the Technical University of Vienna in physics, mathematics, biology, chemistry, optics, botany, and anatomy, and then gained a doctoral degree in philosophy.  His doctoral thesis was that clairvoyance – the practice of seeing into other realms – would have to be integrated into the scientific approach if “the half-truths of materialism were not to drag the world into a materialist and mechanistic disaster.”  (Tompkins 111)

Steiner continued writing prolifically about the spiritual realms and defining a “spiritual science,” in which nature beings conduct the symphony of life, which includes everything in creation, including humans and their psychic powers.  Everything flows according to patterns passed down by higher intelligent beings – everything a manifestation of the Creation.

According to Steiner, if we ignore the nature beings connected to the higher beings, we cut ourselves off from understanding anything real, including our own health and how to heal.  Alternatively, understanding our relationship to the other realms, Steiner encourages, will assure our individual and collective survival.

Steiner explained that information moves through everything alive, including things Western science defines as “not alive,” such as rocks, rivers and sky.  Communication between the upper and lower worlds, he said, is conveyed by nature beings through leaves, petals, trunks and roots to beings who live underground, sometimes called gnomes, who traverse that realm as freely as we move through air.

Specifically, in spring and summer, plants gather secrets from the “extra-terrestrial” universe and sink them deep into the ground of the Earth, where they are absorbed by the spirits living there.  In autumn and winter, gnomes, in particular, carry in full consciousness the ideas of the cosmos and translate them to every rock and mineral in the earth and to the roots of plants.

Any element of nature can convey the extra-terrestrial wisdom to humans, including gnomes, though those beings, in particular, don’t have the greatest respect for humans and often laugh at us, stuck as we are in our rational concepts which frame and limit what we can perceive.

Today, our culture struggles with the concept of beings and vehicles outside our accepted paradigm, because we’ve been trained, since long before Galen, since Hippocrates, to perceive only the materialistic world, authorized by Science, and to deny all else.

According to Steiner, mankind’s “Fall” came about when we denied our ability to communicate with nature intelligences, which communicate with extra-terrestrial wisdom, and thereby cut off our communication with the highest intelligence of Creation.  Our destiny, though, he claimed, was to expand our minds beyond contact with nature beings, to the intelligences above them, after which we would begin to take responsibility for managing and designing material life on this plane.

Of course, many in the halls of Science and Academia would say that this is exactly what they are about; and they would deny any role in cutting us off from wisdom.  It was their materialistic “half truths,” though, that Paracelsus warned would lead us to disaster.

Arrogantly, Western science today labels “primitive” any contemporary or ancient culture which contends that spirits exist throughout the natural world and can communicate with humans.  So when Harvard psychiatrist John E. Mack, working with experiencers of alien contact, dared to consider the worldviews of shamans from the jungles of Africa and rainforests of South America to help him understand a phenomenon that had shattered his worldview, he was met with formidable hostility and ridicule, particularly from Harvard.  The shamans, on the other hand, told him, “We were wondering when you white people would begin to get it.”

As someone who has experienced the profoundly destructive ways of science (as a CIA mind control subject as a child) and who has also experienced the healing powers of nature in a “shamanic initiation” (which also included apparently alien contact), I can’t help but ask the next hottest contemporary questions:  What about the stuff we call evil?  Are some of the spiritual hierarchies not working for our best interests?  Are some of the aliens “good guys” and others “bad guys”?

My inclination for the last few years has been to assume that alien beings are trans-dimensional (aka spiritual) beings, some of them working in our best interests, and some of them seeming to work against us.  And it’s our very important work today to discern which is which.

How they look might not help with discernment.  According to Paracelsus and Steiner, and all the mystics they consulted and who’ve followed them through the centuries, these beings can take any form they want, often choosing a pattern pre-existing in the mind of the person who views them.

I’ve always understood that, so I was keenly interested to see what else Rudolph Steiner had to say on this key question of discernment.  Like many other spiritual philosophers, Steiner refused to categorize things we call evil as evil.  Rather, he said, certain hierarchies of intelligence above us, called angels in the Western world, devas in the Hindu, chose to deviate from the program of perfection by which they’d always been limited and allow themselves free will and thereby allow humans this possibility too.  It opened up transformative possibilities for Creation, but with a risk.  And we’ve seen this risk played out nearly to completion, it seems, in today’s world of nuclear bombs, multiple wars, ongoing slavery, global child sex industries, mind control, global economic thievery, and more.

It is into this world, beginning quite clearly with the advent of atomic bombs, that these apparently trans-dimensional vehicles and beings have suddenly come in great numbers into human awareness.  The question in my mind has always been:  Are they responding to the horrors we’ve unleashed, hoping to mitigate or correct them, or are they orchestrating them?

The execution of wide-spread death, according to the rational Western mind, might be depicted as the ultimate evil.  But death, to Steiner’s mind, is only a recycling of soul back to higher life forms, providing the souls powerful instruction, with no need to name anything evil.

The shamans who came to Mack were also ambivalent about the nature of ET beings.  For instance, the mantindane (African name for grays) were often seen as unwelcome “troublemakers,” but essential for waking up an individual in a shamanic initiation.  So, if we also can accept a less polarizing view of trouble, death, and suffering, we might also perceive our contemporary experience as Mack did:  a “wake-up call to humanity,” or a “consciousness program for the spiritually impaired.”

Many cultures throughout time have told stories of spiritual beings who were liars or “tricksters” – the Celtic Loki, Native American Heyoka, Greek Cupid.  These spirits and all the rest, according to the Greek Dionysus, student of Plato, fill space in “realm upon realm.”  One of Dionysus’ students, Paul of Tarsus, told his followers, and it is now recorded in the New Testament, “You must learn to discern the spirits.”

Steiner might say we must learn to discern the subtle aspects of nature and science, those hidden since Hippocrates’ words were deemed the only truth, with all else relegated to old wives’ tales and superstition:  we must learn to discern the intelligences manifesting in and thereby creating and maintaining every aspect of life from storms to daisies to human life with its glories of music and dance and art and love and wars and all else – far too much intelligence to ignore.

Today, as we watch the world unfold in dramas few want to believe, strange shapes appear in they sky, change colors and morph into different forms.  People from every walk of life, from Peruvian tribes to American Presidents, pilots, police officers and movie stars, report things we’ve come to call flying saucers and alien beings.

Hippocrates put a lid on this for well over two millennia, and now that lid just won’t stay down.  Gardeners in Findhorn have been talking to devas for decades, churches spring up around old teachings of Swedenborg and Blavatsky, books by Blake and Goethe enjoy a renaissance, and Christians reconsider Jesus’ response to his followers amazement at his miracles, that we would “do all these things and more.”

Multi-dimensional reality is forcing itself into the minds of Earth inhabitants, perhaps contrary to the wishes of those in Earthly “rational” structures of power.  Books like The Secret Life of Nature help blow the lid off things, along with those beings we call alien.

Are some of the aliens in league with structures of power, such as our governments?  Undoubtedly.  Are others trying to wake us out of our educated and entertained enchantment?  I’m sure of this also.

But it’s far more nuanced than a simple good-versus-evil drama.  Our personal, spiritual and collective work is to discern these elements – elemental beings, if you will, and all the dynamics between them, between them and us, around us and including us.  Whether they are tricksters and liars, or purely helpers, or both, they challenge us to wake up, discern, and dodge or dance with them into our next evolution.

[1] Tompkins is also author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller The Secret Life of Plants.