Down Times

A mind control subject, probably far more than the rest of humanity, has days when we’re certain we no longer want to live.  Here are my posts written on days like that.

I pray these pages will assure you that you’re not alone.  After you read one or more, I ask you please go see my pages of Up Times.  There really is a reason to keep going, I believe.

  • Video Interviews -

    I recently began doing interviews again.

    On The Cosmic Switchboard, James Bartley and I overview my life in 2 hours. On RevolutionRadio/AquarianRadio, I have two interviews with Janet Lessin, another mind control subject, and her husband Dr. Sasha Lessin, a psychotherapist.

  • Context for my “You hoo” story - Before you jump to the conclusion that I’m simply paranoid, having read my earlier post, please check out my super-succinct list here – of some of the stuff I’ve documented over these years – physical injuries, electronic weirdness, and the “Satanic” stuff that I generally don’t name, so I don’t know why I did this […]
  • “Yoo hoo!” – Satanists threatening my Life? - “Yoo hoo! Yoo hoo!” shouldn’t be threatening, but check out this chart, and if you want, read the story below. Three and a half years ago, seven weeks before (I believe) my truck was remote controlled to crash on the highway, it was the Solar Eclipse / New Moon, when a strange woman interrupted my […]
  • Photos of fungus in Morgellon’s Disease - I’ve been documenting the weird protrusions from my skin for about a year now, and some of the items that people want to call hairs, just aren’t. Some appear to be fungus, others appear to be bacteria.  This one with knobby joints along its length has long fascinated me.  Some of the tips have a […]
  • Daily Check: What do Do? - I was going to share some of the jokes I find myself telling on good days, about becoming part mushroom (which I read later Joni Mitchell has also said about her Morgellon’s) after I saw what appear to be “fruiting bodies” growing out of my chin after only 24 hours without scrubbing and ointments. And […]
  • Isolation in Weirdness - Morgellon’s Disease can be painfully isolating – but I’m used to isolation. I’m a mind control subject, and the controllers have always planned for us to be isolated and discredited – in case we’d ever remember what had been done to us. Since I was a child, my mother has been telling my siblings not […]
  • Too Weak to Bathe - Many days lately I’ve felt too tired to bathe.  I monitor my Morgellon’s Disease with a digital microscope and see fungal and spirochetal co-infections growing wildly all over my face or other places just one day after a good scrubbing. I also find all sorts of anomalies that match various Internet photos of fungal infection […]
  • Overview of Morgellon’s Challenge - First used digital microscope in May 2019 to investigate deep sores on scalp followed by deep scabs. Discovered this wound first: Later found more scalp ulcers, this one photographed in October, 2019: Also found ulcers on my face: And this on the bridge of my nose: Also, an ulcer in my vagina, with strange fibers […]
  • Judge rules terror watchlist violates rights of Americans on it but punts on next step – CNNPolitics - A federal judge ruled on Wednesday that the Terrorist Screening Database violates the constitutional rights of American citizens who are on it, deciding in favor of 23 citizens who sued after being placed on the watchlist. — Read on
  • Maybe/not parasites/worms in sinuses - It sure seemed like I had a parasite, probably a worm of some sort, in my sinus, and not only that, but it seemed to be laying eggs! It’s possible, though, that I was mind controlled to believe this was the case.  At first it seemed as though someone would have had to mind control […]
  • New Development: Mysterious Fibers - Hi Friends, This last year has felt very productive. Not only did I sort a lot of possessions, but I also purchased a couple of USB otoscopes and began video documenting the weird technological anomalies in my ears, nose, and teeth, which I have to conclude are probably implants placed by rogue elements of our […]
  • All My Body’s Implants - Places where I KNOW there is an implant – because I’ve felt them activated or have seen and photographed them – and places where I SUSPECT an implant might be – described and documented below.  (Numbers 5, 9, 11, 13, and 17 might have been left off the list, as they have little evidence.  Numbers […]
  • You were Born into a Sci-fi Scenario - What do you do when you wake up and realize you were born into a science fiction scenario, and everyone has conspired to lie about it and tell you you’re not too be taken seriously, despite your science journals and other “documentation,” and they want you to just shut up about this stuff? You’d been […]
  • Implant in my Tooth? - I’ve had this thing since the late 1990s (received in Colorado Springs, incidentally).  Occasionally, a dental hygienist will pick at it with a note of confusion in her voice, then quickly shut up and dismiss whatever she’d said.  I always wondered why it caused confusion, but I never looked at it until yesterday – with […]
  • Ear Canal Implants Update - Hi Everyone, Sorry I’ve been unable (mind controlled?) to get on the Internet and do simple things like post.  But I’m back and I’m going to try to be more consistent. I’ve been doing better at my , ParadigmSalonVideo on YouTube, and have a lot of stunning information – like video inside my ears, showing […]
  • Ear Implants – More Discovered - I’m so upset by what I’ve discovered, I can hardly type.  I found another button-type implant in my left ear. And I when pushed the otoscope in deeper, I found more than I can make sense of.  At first, I thought the black button above and silver button below were one and the same, just […]
  • Ear Implants Serious Trouble - Hi Friends, I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted. As you might surmise, I’ve been dealing with some challenges. The latest is my ears – which have never in my life given me problems, but they’re a mess now, and the doctor didn’t seem interested in offering me anything but Flonase (a common […]
  • “Voices in their Heads!” - Watching an old Jesse Ventura show on Targeted Individuals – gratified that he’s found medical and other professionals willing to put their names on the line to testify about this experience. Wish I’d seen this five years ago. Now, it’s helped inspire me to gather my energy to write again about something of the last […]
  • Speaking out again - I used to wonder what was wrong with me. I called myself shy, then neurotic, and eventually, in my early 40s realized I’d been sexually abused as a child.  The next year, I realized I was also dissociative, fractured, amnesic, and had been for most of my life. Just before I turned 50 I realized […]
  • Summary of MK anomalies in 2016 - Of course, I could write a book on this year, but I don’t want to. Instead, here is an exceedingly brief outline of the types of things, resulting in programming, I’ve lived through this year – including electronic, pharmaceutical, physical (including rape), phone, drone, computer, social sabotage, surveillance, and more.  I extracted them from my year’s […]
  • Online Support and Brain Entrainment - Eve Lorgen, author and counselor for those with “anomalous trauma,” offers an online support group now and then. I’ve always been too afraid to participate, afraid that my stuff was too different, or that I might distrust people in the group, or it wouldn’t do me any good. Today was the first day I participated […]
  • The Last 8 Years - Anomalous weirdness seemed to be increasing, so last January I decided to comb through every journal of mine and record the anomalies since I published RattleSnake Fire, and then record all the anomalies in my book and before my book – the entire rest of my life, as much as I could remember.  I put them […]
  • A Disinformation Story from 2007 - Disinformation is finally being better understood and acknowledged throughout the culture, but few people understand its full extent. And understanding and reading reality correctly is an important survival skill for all of us. Therefore, I’d like to share what I’ve learned, as both third-party observer and victim.  I’ll chose an older story rather than a […]
  • “A Good Day to Die” – revisited - A while back, I wrote about the right to decide it’s a “good day to die” – because I wanted to die. My reasons I thought were compelling (and, I thought, in line with a newish New Mexico law):  As a mind control subject, I am not only dissociative, but have suffered from regular, unexplainable, random […]
  • Watching “Karla” - Impressed by the incredible actor Laura Prepon, of Orange is the New Black, I looked her up on Wikipedia and read: In 2005, Prepon starred in the film Karla, the true story of Paul Bernardo and his wife Karla Homolka, a couple who kidnapped, sexually abused and murdered three young girls – marking a contrast to […]
  • Friday Foundation: “Spooks” – a short radio show about feds - In 2002, it seems the feds did a number on my credibility. That May and part of June, I did media work for the historic federal trial, “Judi Bari vs the FBI” – where I experienced weird, nighttime altered states of consciousness (which seemed electronic in nature), then came home to read for the first time […]
  • Two Short Videos – Please Share - Hi Everyone ~ I just re-watched these videos made last year and think it’s time now for more people to see them.  I hope you’ll watch at least the first two videos: Friends in town, I hope and pray, will stop by. Thanks for all you do in these important times. Jean PS And if […]
  • Sunday Summary: Highs and (Forgotten) Shocking Lows - – impression that all has been fine, but…. – journals report incredible list of weirdness – almost forgotten! – accomplishments of 2014 impressive, despite experiences Well, the life of a mind controlled multiple personality is not boring!  For one thing, all my alters want expression, and that keeps me busy.  And the multiple-ness keeps me […]
  • Government Complicity in Violence Against Activists - From the “Top 25 Stories of 2014 Subjected to Press Censorship” – with my story and  response  – JE 7. FBI Dismisses Murder Plot against Occupy as NSA Cracks Down on Dissent (For full story, click here) In October 2011, when the Occupy movement arrived in Houston, protesters were subject to local and federal surveillance, […]
  • Need to Scream… Memory…. Ah… - First journaling in a while.  Feel like I need to scream.  Been worrying about how to read the signs (since I sometimes avoid prayer and contemplation – some programming that hits sometimes) especially when things go wrong like they have today. I realize:  All the “figuring” is a very basic part of my mind control; I […]
  • Second Sunday Summary: Surprising Spiritual Healing - The week’s highlights: ~ a powerful (and surprising!) heart-healing experience ~ discovered and rediscovered reading and videos ~ cleaned and cleared energy in house and yard ~ decision to limit computer use Most amazing first:  It began with a massage.  Greg thought he was being intuitive, but I experienced it as being gouged in that […]
  • “Friday Foundation” [of this MK stuff] - Each week, after posting “Friday Random Beauty,” I plan to post a yin/yang opposite essay titled “Friday Foundation” [of this MK stuff].  This is the first. “Mind Control in History” led a recent poll of my readers for subjects you’re most interested in. By coincidence, I happened to touch on the subject in my journal […]
  • Gov’t-Controlled Communications - Back in the late 90s, I read a memoir,  FBI Secrets:  An Agent’s Exposé, by retired agent, M. Wesley Swearingen, who after 26 years in the agency was involved in several successful lawsuits against the FBI related to wrongful imprisonment and civil rights violations.  (He was also involved in several successful lawsuits against his former employer, including […]
  • Learning through the Pain - I’m recovering, yet again, from another “hard day,” Monday, when I woke up at 10 am (I’d been unable to sleep until 3 am) and had to force myself to do anything, which turned out to be very little. Eight days earlier, on August 17, I’d discovered a strange injury on my left shoulder blade, […]
  • Two circle bruises appear - Twenty-six days ago, on July 21, I discovered a doughnut-shaped bruise on the back of my thigh. It was oddly painless, and I have no idea how I might have done that to myself. I found myself telling Greg it reminded me of an audio electrical plug, with one electrical pole, positive or negative, in […]
  • Three Days in Darkness - Of course, we all know, or we’ve all heard, that spiritual progress on this human plane is never really “done,” and so I think it’s the same with healing, although certain aspects of healing may be accomplished, we always have more, and we’ll certainly experience more that must be healed. So I think I shouldn’t […]
  • Re-edited Videos and “Shaman Winter” - Last week, thinking I was dying, the most important thing I wanted to do was update my latest video series.  So I worked to accomplish that. This feels like my most important life work to finish up, my best contribution to the world for understanding mind control, so I appreciate you taking the time […]
  • Heart Problems – I assume from Electroshock and Tasering - Just went to the doctor yesterday for blood tests and EKG.  (I don’t follow their prescriptions, but I appreciate their tests.) My blood work was essentially normal, but my heart is not functioning properly.  I have “stage 1” something (I’ll take better notes when I talk again with her next) – the first chamber of […]
  • Wow! Feel and Heal! - Remember that old saying, “Gotta feel to heal”? I felt so much yesterday, I could barely see.  It hurt to walk.  I wanted to die. Today, I feel better and understand quite a few things. I had just extracted numbers from my journal of the last 6 months and was not surprised to see the […]
  • Hit again - Oh, God, I’ve been hit again.  In the last 6 months, I’ve felt terrible about two weeks of every month, and I felt really bad yesterday: my vision clouded, my joints in pain, my mood so depressed, all I could think was that I didn’t want to live anymore. Decided to review and collate my […]
  • The Struggle to Heal from Mind Control - Twelve years ago, while living rurally as a hermit in Cochise County, Arizona, I realized I was a mind control subject – and I mean in a manner more intense than the ubiquitous birth trauma-television-education-news-political propaganda type of generalized mind control; I mean the MKULTRA-type of trauma-based mind programming done to unwitting adults and children […]
  • “Obey the Doctor” Programming - I’d like to talk about unnecessary medical procedures, done either by coercion or without one’s knowledge.I was subjected to dental care recently that was so weird I can only call it psychotic.  And it relates to some previous treatment done without warning that I will call the same. A friend told me, “You’re the third person I’ve heard in […]

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