As you may know, I lost my home a little over two years ago, basically because I was constantly terrorized and incapacitated, so that I couldn’t make a living to keep paying the mortgage.
So I sold my beautiful home, and planned to move to a simple home in a wonderful location – but when I arrived, it wasn’t available and wouldn’t be for any time in the foreseeable future! And it’s still not.
I left the greatest part of my belongings in storage, bought a truck and trailer, and went traveling, looking for some place that “called,” not finding it, trying to be of service wherever I went, and discovering some wonderful possibilities, such as the Rubber Tramp Rendezvous (RTR), where nomads meet each winter and find friends to travel with. I wasn’t feeling trusting yet and chose to simply observe, then went on my own solo way.
Before I found the RTR, I experienced a very suspicious series of events that leads me to believe my truck and/or trailer were remote controlled, and they were totaled on the highway one year ago. I’m still recovering from a concussion and whiplash. I describe it in one of my new videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MHAO0GqPhM&index=38&list=PLPo7-F8Erey7-17KcMf-oaqGLEQ5uaMiA.
When I could drive again and got a loan while waiting for the insurance company to do their thing, I replaced the truck and trailer with a truck and small camper.
Last July, I suddenly wanted to find one place to sit and be still “for awhile, or a few months, or maybe forever,” and with borrowed money I purchased a larger trailer that I intend to never move, but just park in a sweet little country trailer park. I still have my small camper which I can load any time I want onto the back of my truck and go camping – or to the RTR.
Now that I have this extra space (my trailer is 37′ long and has three sliders, giving me 387 sf!), I’ve retrieved many of my possessions from storage and am enjoying having the room to comfortably cook different things, my old library to consult, and enough space to have friends visit easily.
Most important to you: I’ve regained enough mental focus to begin recording my stories on video, in short segments, most 4- to 8-minutes long.
It’s been ten years since I published my memoir, and I could certainly write another with as many amazing stories as the first, but I haven’t yet had dependable energy that lets me believe I could write, edit, publish and market the project, so instead I’m recording short videos whenever I have the time and uploading them. It’s much more efficient and hopeful than tackling a huge book project.
Being targeted regularly sometimes zaps me for 15 days each month. The time that’s left I need to shop, cook, clean, pay bills, and usually I stay just enough behind to be always on the edge of depression and anxiety – but only on the edge. I can usually build myself up and be happy to get everything done, or almost, and be good company when I visit family and friends.
And when I’m hit, I’m learning to take it easy, not fight it, not try to push myself, but even be grateful for the time to be still and not feel guilty!
And when I realize this is rare time, given my hyper-productivity training by my super-perfectionist workaholic German parents (God bless them), this rare time, I often receive such important lessons from my spirit Help that I wonder if it was THEM making me slow down! Not saying so, but I’m considering this possibility. It’s a lot less terrifying than the usual assumptions, right?
I’m pleased with the videos so far, and have created one playlist of EVERYTHING I’ve videotaped since 2010 (41 videos) in approximate order (let me know if there’s something obviously out of order, and I’ll fix it).
When I finished creating the playlist, I sat back, thinking I’d speed watch, stopping and jumping ahead, just to get an overall impression, thinking I’d be bored to watch them all again, but I found myself bingeing! – watching one after the other and frankly feeling quite impressed that I’ve told so many stories I think need to be told. (It was late, so I stopped, and that’s why I’ll accept comments if you find any order problems.)
Some are short, tightly edited, like the first. Others are slow – a result of my concussion and even being depressed – and I wonder if people will be impatient with them. Let me know. In any case, I think it’s good that the roller coaster of my life is recorded in this way.
I cover a lot of subjects: my implants, times I’ve been controlled during the day, various kinds of harassment, hopeful days, breakdowns, and more.
One more thing:
My numbers on YouTube have been seriously messed with. This first video went viral in late 2010 and had over 12,000 views. Then the numbers began to run backward! Now they’re down in the hundreds, but running forward again. Watch them, if you would.
Thank you for being here.
Blessings on you ~
You’ve survived so much. Thank you for your courage, insight and stamina.
Thank you, Azaima! Keeping on….