Podcasts let us listen on our phone while washing dishes, walking to the mailbox, driving to town. Or we can sit on our sofa – away from the computer – lights off, eyes closed, a fine radio production washing over.
“In the Dark” is a quality production worth this attention. I’m grateful those radio professionals are in the world today. Each episode makes me hungry for the next. And it’s all true investigative journalism, told well.
The series exposes suspiciously negligent police work – something some of us need to be reminded happens sometimes.
Season 2 takes on another case, and I’m in the midst of bingeing through the second season now.
It’s satisfying to hear an example of this widespread horror exposed.
What does it mean to be Aspie? Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome.
I’m an Aspie. And I’m so much a happier person now that I know why I’m different, and that my difference is something I can enjoy for all it’s good aspects and not worry about the so-called negative aspects. It’s like – Why should the Mesquite be anxious that she’s not as tall as the Sequoia? She has her own work to do, sending down roots 100’ into the ground and sharing it with her habitat mates.
How do we become Aspie? Pick your choice: 1) heredity, 2) lack of childhood nurturing, 3) alien injection of Spock-like DNA into our genetic pool to make us more rational, less emotional (read violent), all the above, none of the above and in fact it’s because [fill in the blank].
My Aspie-ness came as a result of childhood trauma, a side-effect of having been made a mind control subject, MKULTRA-like, some collaboration with the Mormon Church and our government. I was made a multiple, which is the foundation upon which mind control is implanted, and I created a few of my own alters, something common in the research, which allowed me to tolerate some intolerable situation in the moment and left me with more parts inside me that had to be organized into the fold, to learn to cooperate and act “normal.” Pretty much, I succeeded.
It seems that no matter what I need to do, I have a part inside who the whole of me agrees is the best to execute it, and somehow I win awards in almost everything I’ve tried, excepting a few memorable failures. I’ve won awards or other national recognitions in: art, writing, journalism, real estate, fundraising, and videography. in a sense I’m what they call a “high-functioning multiple personality” – but not all the time. There’s all those alters created by our government – to do what, I don’t know.
I’ll pause here to let you consider that.
I don’t want to tell you what I think that could mean.
I just want you to know that, despite everything done to me, I’m a person of integrity. But I really don’t know about the parts created in those experiments – for which I’m almost totally amnesic.
I used to be extremely distressed about this, to the point that I thought of suicide daily for a year and a half. Over the years, my philosopher part has developed many reasons to stay here on Earth, despite all. I believe I was born into this exact situation for a purpose, and even if I don’t understand it now, I should stay and try to understand. If I want to refuse that command, I’m threatened with the New Age folklore that I’ll have to come back and live this life again, which I don’t want to do, and so I reason, I made it this far; it’s won’t be much longer, and besides I’ve already had a few heart attacks. I don’t think I’ll live that long.
As long as I’m here (or anywhere), I want to be of service. I figure the best revenge against the experimenters who messed with me is to live a good life anyway. So, here I am in Sunsites, Arizona, retired, volunteering here and there, and taking care of my affairs so that when I die my kids don’t have too much of a mess.
If I end up living long, well, then I’ll assume I have things to do, and I’ll be praying to follow heavenly direction.
As an Aspie, I can’t take on too much social interaction. I might have the mental ability to contribute significantly to any number of problems, but I don’t have the foundation for too much social interaction. I think for most of my life, I’ve tried to push past my limits, trying to become more “normal,” and suffered a great deal of unnecessary stress. It might have been better for me to have continued spending a majority of my time alone. I would have been happier, and I might have contributed more to the world. But the world wanted me “normal” instead.
I’m enjoying my differences now. And as I sort through my possessions, I’m putting together my awards and favorite publications and accomplishments. And feeling I’ve lived a good life despite all. I sometimes wonder if my mind controllers think they might get some credit for their work. I don’t know what I think about that. Most of the time I feel like someone whose life has been highjacked – and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I might as well keep quiet and see what else I might learn or how else I might grow in regards to this. And continue to live a good life.
My Aspie nature means I have a good mind and am very good at complicated puzzles. I design businesses in my mind for fun. Have designed a half-dozen homes. I design clothes. I create. I love my life, sometimes. When my health is good and I am caught up with the basic requirements of life, I love to putter around in my home, creating art or gardening. It’s only when the weird stuff happens that I want away.
The weird stuff first increased against me late in 2011, and it has only accelerated since then (excepting this current month, a later story). Suddenly weird stuff seemed constant: I was hit by beams in my house, sometimes making my ears ring, other times vibrating me, or creating tones, sometimes putting me to sleep and sometimes waking me up; waking with “scoop marks” and Taser burns, and also waking totally disabled, unable to walk or control my bladder. I had just produced a video about being made a mind control subject, and I assumed this was my controllers punishing me, for which I was intent to ignore them. “Land of Free Speech,” I thought.
When I published a blog about this new treatment, someone called me a Targeted Individual, which I’d never heard of. I learned about it when my blog received a sudden spike in views from a site called TargetedIndividuals101. I had no idea that thousands of people around the nation were also being subjected to beams, ear-ringing, and more, and many were whistleblowers like me, though not all.
Over the years, I’ve wondered whether the mind controllers were doing their own punishment or if they contracted that out to another organization, Recently I learned from a former FBI agent who has gone on public record that the things done to Targeted Individuals comprise a project in the files of the FBI and NSA.
It was a shock to realize somebody put me on the Targeted list, as it goes so against my lifelong assumptions about living in the Land of the Free, but I’ve come to accept it; the hardest part now is accepting that so many other people still might blindly accept that I’m a bad person because someone said so – because someone else told them so, and really it’s because I told the truth about something that should be stopped, and that caused someone to lose money.
But I still want to live a good life, contributing to my community, but also getting the time alone I need (letting all my parts consolidate the meaning of each day, helping inner children understand, refining cooperation between my parts, etc), enjoying nature, getting exercise, and hopefully helping my parts heal. And continuing to pray for the dismantling of any alters that might have programming to do bad things – that’s what the research suggests is going on: creating spies, soldiers, assassins, and sex workers. And, to tell the truth, I’ve had some strange experiences that incline me to believe they’re proof I’ve been trained in a few of those skills (another story).
But I still want to have a good life. And goodness implies integrity. So, as much as I’d love to keep all this craziness a secret, I’ve decided I owe it to my community the fact that I’m a mind controlled subject, and I might have alters who do things at night when I’m unconscious, and hopefully not during the day, but I don’t know. And by telling you now, I feel I’ve only begun to exercise my duty to disclose what I know.
What I know about our government’s interest in mind control should also be of great value to everyone. I’ve written a well-regarded book about my experiences, recorded videos and audios, collected documentation, and I’m open to answering questions. I hope people will want to avail themselves of my resources while I’m still here.
Here is an excellent article, written by a medical intuitive about her targeting:
The following article comes from L. Grace Christian (www.GraceMedicalIntuitive.com), a medical intuitive and ‘targeted individual’ I have interviewed and been in regular communication with since the publication of my article, “US Government Accidentally Releases Electromagnetic Mind Control Documents In FOIA Request.” I [Richard Enos, orginal post] have edited the information she has provided but in essence these are her words, representing her struggles and triumphs in dealing with the devastating effects of ‘gangstalking’ and directed energy weapons.
First, I want to acknowledge and honor all the individuals enduring the ongoing torture of being a ‘targeted individual,’ especially those who have experienced it for many years.
Awareness about ‘targeted individuals’ is still in its nascent stage. A growing number of people such as myself report having both been stalked and harassed by others, and subjected to satellite-based directed energy weapons that penetrate the mind to simulate sounds and conversations. Yet such claims continue to evoke skepticism on the part of the general public, with victims often being seen as paranoid schizophrenics.
I write this not only to bring awareness and credibility to the claims of targeted individuals, but also to offer my insight into the strategy I have adopted to mitigate this ongoing invasion into my life.
Why Was I Targeted?
It seems as though individuals are targeted because some powerful force like the Deep State wants to disrupt the ability those individuals may have to disclose information or otherwise influence people in ways that expose or impede Deep State agendas. While this may not be true of all targeted individuals, I can point to several reasons why I might have been targeted by those who feared what I may know. After all, just before the torture I have endured over the past 15 years started,
- I had just taken a part-time consulting job with 2 men formerly in Jimmy Carter’s White House Administration
- I had a Palm Pilot (yes, no smart phones then) that had just been loaded with Pres. Jimmy Carter’s cell phone number, multiple U.S. Senators’ and Congressmen’s numbers, and national lobbyists numbers
- I was one of the first people to sign a petition to prevent the Patriot Act from passing
- I had been helping women who were escaping Satanic Cult families
- I was an intuitive who could see inside the human body
- I had a growing number of followers
My Experiences As A Targeted Individual
My experiences as a targeted individual are far too numerous to list, but I will cite a few examples here to give people a better idea of the nature of the experience.
Stalked inside stores/malls. November 19, 2017: I was in the Ross Store at 95-221 Kipapa Dr, Mililani, HI 96789, and I experienced no less than 5 employees following me in the store, and coming right up to me and saying “Hello” right in my face and three of them deliberately bumped into me. This started as soon as I entered the store and continued until I left the store. April 6, 2018: I was shopping in a Longs Drugs (CVS) at 4211 Waialae Ave., Honolulu, HI when two employees started followed me just at the end of the aisle I was in or on the next aisle over and were shouting back and forth to each other about shoplifters in the store and that ‘this one was one of the bad ones.’ April 26, 2018: While I was in the Kahala Mall in Honolulu between 12:30 and 1:30pm, I was followed by two security guards, a male and a female. The male kept staring at me throughout the entire time they were stalking me. At, 1:14pm, while I was seated in a common area of the mall, I finally took out my cell phone and took a video of them walking around me and him staring again and again.
Followed by black helicopters. Several times I would be driving in traffic and a black helicopter came right on top of me, hovering as I stopped at a traffic light, moving with me as I moved down the road, even waiting as I went in and out of a building.
Had my apartment broken into. In the early days of experiencing this, while I lived in the Hillsborough Apts. in Mission, KS, the service and grounds men would arrive on their golf cart to my apartment each and every time I would leave my door. They would be walking toward the front door of my apartment as I was pulling out. Sometimes I would wait to see where they were going and they would always stop and stand to the side of my door or at my neighbor’s door until I left. When I would get back, there would always be the smell of cigarette smoke in my apartment as one of the men smoked. Once, after I installed an alarm in my apartment, the staff broke into my apartment and then had the office staff call me on my cell phone saying that there was a flood in the apt above mine and they needed to stop damage in my apt. so they entered without my permission. They wanted me to give them the code to turn off the alarm as it was too loud. I refused to do so and headed back immediately from about 10 minutes away. When I got there, they were gone and the alarm had stopped. Often, I would find small things missing from my apartment—such as small semi precious stones, books, and decorative items.
These experiences reflect a phenomenon called ‘Organized Gang Stalking’. Individually, these experiences could be written off as incidental. But the persistence and sinister quality of these experiences has left no doubt in my mind that powerful forces are systematically trying to destabilize me and cause me to live in a constant state of fear and anxiety. Here’s information from a group called Organized Stalking Informers:
Organized Gang Stalking is a hate crime erected in a system. Different individuals are used and manipulated in order to produce a specific action. But all those involved are not necessarily aware that they are being manipulated. In fact, most are not aware of the lies that are actually the base of the Organized Gang Stalking, everything is done to ostracize and destroy targeted individual victims.
To do this, the perpetrators use several techniques for manipulating individuals and public opinion. Due to false evidence to support their lies, innocent targeted individual Victims are perceived as outcasts of society.
Have you been approached by someone who has asked you to not associate with a certain individual whom they quietly pointed out to you? Warned you about an alleged criminal past or deviant activity and predisposition of the individual?
Perpetrators of Gang Stalking recruit and manipulate any number of other unsuspecting citizens to assist them in targeting a lone, unsuspecting individual, in an overall ceaseless effort of directed psychological torture.
If you have been asked to “do good” for the community, realize instead that there is a high possibility you been deceived and sucked into a cult-like group from where only illegal activity affecting innocent people results. You have basically been lied to about the target and whatever atrocity they’ve been falsely accused of, such is the power of suggestion.
Gang Stalking is used to paint the target (individual) in a criminal light through the spreading of vicious rumors, with common fake allegations being that the target is a wife beater, an abuser, a child molester (this is a favorite used against women too and not only men), a prostitute, drug-user, a racist, an impostor at their place of worship, is mentally unstable, acts weird, or is a thief.
Directed Energy Weapons
However, of all the devices and methods I’ve experienced as a targeted individual, directed energy weapons are the most horrific and jarring. It is like someone raping your mind—and no one believes you. No one else can hear the noises or voices being beamed inside your head.
We each have a unique brainwave frequency. With directed energy weapons technology, your brainwaves are locked onto and a frequency is beamed to your skull by way of satellite. Somewhere in the world, someone is sitting at a laptop controlling a satellite that sends certain frequencies to your skull. These frequencies are heard by you inside your head–but, by no one else. This frequency can be a voice speaking to you, noises that are very loud and sudden, or anything that may cause you anxiety. They can also cause you to go unconscious, as has happened to me a few times.
As a medical intuitive, I’ve come into contact with other targeted individuals. One of my clients was a single woman who was gang-raped while in the military, and after reporting the offense through the proper channels, her torture began. Directed energy weapons were used on her and organized terrorism followed.
The following are my personal experiences of directed energy weapons:
I first began to notice the effects of these weapons when I lived in the Hillsborough Apts., in Mission, KS in 2004. I would hear what sounded like someone walking around in the apartment above me following me everywhere I went in my apartment. It sounded like soft footsteps on the carpet in the apt above me. It freaked me out and caused me to feel unsafe in my own home. When I told one of my friends, an older man known in the Kansas City community as Red Crow, he could not understand it and did not believe me. Later, after listening to Dr. John Hall on Coast to Coast, I understood that this was something that was regularly done with this technology. There was nobody above me actually walking on the floor; this noise was being simulated in my head by some outside force. This noise continued the entire time I lived there until I moved out a year later.
Another memorable example of experiencing this was when I was staying at my Mother’s home in Farmington, MO in late 2010 and early 2011. I would hear loud clicking and banging noises in my head during the middle of the night. Sometimes the sound was like someone clicking a retractable ink pen on and off, over and over, and at other times it sounded like constant banging on a table with a device. At times, I could hear muffled voices in the background. I did mention these experiences and others like them to my mom, but she refused to believe me. This was so common an occurrence that I practically gave up sharing my experiences with people.
Impact of the Attacks
As a direct result of these experiences, and my various attempts to deal with them, including sharing my experiences with others who I thought I could trust, I have been rejected by my family, rejected by friends, clients have been frightened away, and I have been brought to financial ruin.
I spent many years trying to understand what was happening. I did some research. The idea that some individuals are targeted to be used as lab rats to experiment with this technology resonated with the arbitrariness of some of my experiences.
I was able to get together with people who were experiencing the same thing. While listening to everyone else’s personal stories brought a bit more clarity, and confirmed what I already knew intuitively—that I wasn’t just imagining things—a lasting solution did not come from this collaboration. In fact, I felt more powerless and victimized than ever.
My Turning Point
In leaving the group, I realized that I would have to look for the solution within myself. This was a daunting task, but it helped that I had been practicing meditation for over 20 years and had a fairly clear sense of myself.
Through my spiritual understanding and my work as a Medical Intuitive, I believe that my soul chose this experience. And the more I thought about that, the more I realized that if my soul chose this experience, then I must have also believed that I had the ability to transmute it as well.
That knowledge led to my turning point.
I decided to do whatever I could to empower myself, to come to a place of transmuting this experience of torture and isolation.
First, I had to find a way to raise my frequency—in spite of the torture I was experiencing. I had listened to Gregg Braden’s Beyond Zero Point where he recounts a passage from the Dead Sea Scrolls, teaching us that during our deepest, darkest hours, we would come to know our greatest strength by reaching deep down inside ourselves to access what previously we did not know was there.
I held onto that possibility like a life raft.
I began forcing myself to raise my own frequency by using the teachings of Neville, the great mystic, that ‘feeling is the secret.’ I would cause myself to experience the feeling of being ‘overjoyed.’ Crazy, right?
This is obviously but one way of raising internal vibration, and each person will have to find a way that works for them. What I did was focus on a feeling—a feeling of being ‘overjoyed’—the way I would feel if all of these wonderful things were happening to me. It is very hard to focus on this type of experience while also being targeted, but each of us has the capacity to do it. I start to imagine that right here and now, where I am in the moment, I have just received the most incredible news that brings me freedom and extreme happiness. I start to just allow myself to feel the way I would feel if I were completely overjoyed that “all of these wonderful things are happening to me now!” I do not let myself try to figure out HOW this could be – I just imagine that indeed all of these wonderful things are happening to me NOW! I got this idea from one of Neville’s books called “The Law and The Promise” in the chapter entitled Moods.
At first, it was so difficult to generate joy for myself. I had experienced torture, isolation, and poverty for so long, and to such extremes, that I could not remember what joy felt like. When I could finally cause myself to bring it forth, I could only maintain it for a couple of seconds. Still, I practiced from time-to-time throughout the day. Slowly, I began to hold the frequency for longer and longer periods.
Eventually, I could feel the feeling of being ‘overjoyed’ wash over me in waves – for up to a minute at a time. At this point, I began to experience the effects of the direct energy weapons less and less.
(editor’s note: it has been stated by whistleblower/scientific genius Pete Peterson in disclosures to researcher David Wilcock that ‘if your brainwaves were reliably operating above a certain speed, or frequency, <these weapons> won’t work on you. This again underlines the extreme importance of remaining calm, free of negative emotions, meditative and peaceful. This causes your brainwaves to smooth out on the EKG, which actually generates a higher frequency.’)
Manifesting From The Heart
Secondly, I discovered the importance of learning to manifest from the heart space instead of the head. I was shown this through my clients, but it was brought home through the book “Living In The Heart” by Drunvalo Melchizedek.
Our heart has its own field with an energy of Oneness or Unity—unlike the polarity that exists in the field in and around the rest of our being. In the space of oneness—the sacred space of the heart—we can manifest a different reality for ourselves. When we manifest in our mind, we are creating in “polarity” so we create what we desire and also the opposite of what we desire. When we move our awareness inside our heart space to pray or meditate, we are manifesting in pure love, and only what we desire is created.
Targeted Individuals Unite
If targeted individuals can raise their frequency even for a few minutes each day, I feel we can turn the tide on the power and secrecy of this, and bring it out to the world to be exposed, eliminated, and healed.
I believe there is a reason that so many tens of thousands of people from all over the world are experiencing this. That reason may be two-fold. First, if only a few people were to bring this up, they may be dismissed as being crazy, but if tens of thousands from around the world were to all describe the same thing, then it cannot be ignored or dismissed. So, there had to be many, many of us who would agree to experience this and speak our truth. Secondly, I feel those of us who are going through this have a greater power to transmute this by moving our frequency out of fear and into joy. When tens of thousands of people all shift their frequency to that degree, the entire population will be affected.
If you are a Targeted Individual, let’s all come together, not to commiserate our victimhood, but to take back our power and have a positive impact. The hardest thing you will ever do may be to consistently raise your frequency out of fear and into a place of love and appreciation; but this is what we MUST do to transmute this experience for ourselves and for humanity. I believe each of our souls chose this experience for us to turn the tide.
I have not researched this myself, but merely copied from “Citizens Against Harmful Technology,” but it seems to contain an extensive summary of basic information on this subject, including information from the US Congressional Office of Technology Assessment, with patent numbers and actions taken by Congress to try to protect subjects.
|Categories of Surveillance/Harassment Technologies|
(Source – US Congress Office of Technology Assessment)
Electronic Eavesdropping Technology – (Audio Surveillance)
• Radiating devices & receivers (e.g. miniature radio & ultrasonic transmitters)
• Non-radiating devices (eg wired surveillance systems including phone taps and concealed microphones)
• Tape recorders
• Laser-facilitated listening devices, rifle mikes and other “remote ” equipment (incl. satellites)
N.B. Even phones can be made “hot on the hook” i.e. turned into microphones when not in use.
Optical/Imaging Technology – (Visual Surveillance)
• Photographic techniques (incl. zoom lens and infra red cameras)
• Television (e.g. closed circuit)
• Night vision devices (e.g. image intensifiers)
• Satellite based viewing (up to and including the monitoring of writings as they are written; indoors)
• Aircraft facilitated viewing
Computers & Related Technologies – (Data Surveillance)
• Microcomputers – decentralization of machines and distributed processing
• Computer networks
• Software (eg. expert systems)
• Pattern recognition systems
• Voice Activated & thought activated computers (incl. “remote” equipment)
The NSA covertly monitors every call, fax, e-mail, telex and computer data message. The relevant computers search for key words/phrases. Anything/anyone of interest is drawn to the attention of agency operatives. This can lead to a large scale personal surveillance operation by the NSA or other agencies; like the CIA and their criminal connections. The current system is called ECHELON.
• Magnetic sensors
• Seismic sensors
• Infra red sensors
• Strain sensors
• Electromagnetic sensors (incl. brain wave sensors)
Other Devices and Technologies
• CB radios
• Vehicle location systems (incl. satellite tracking)
• Machine readable magnetic strips
• Voice stress analyzers
• Laser interception devices
• Cellular radio
• Anti personnel weapons – sonic and phasar weapons as well as psychotronic weapons; which target the nervous system. (These have been trialed in riot control in France etc)
• Scalar wave weapons – (scalar waves emanate naturally from living organisms and the earth itself).
• Infrasound weapons – inducing various forms of illness from remote sources (Also used on dissidents in France)
• Neurophones and similar (more advanced) technologies – Satellite or ground based. These can deliver aural harassment via microwaves or lasers aimed at the target. Visual harassment laser systems. These deliver blurred vision, holographs and so on to disorientate the target and/or experiment; victims’ reactions being monitored to study how best to “control” targets.
• Brain wave monitors/analyzers (remote sensing). These newer technologies actually allow the target’s thoughts to be interpreted.
• “Over the horizon” technologies – These facilitate ground-based methods of harassment (eg The Alaskan HAARP project which bounces signals off the ionosphere).
• The NSA’s Echelon and Prism systems, which are now in the public domain thanks to whistleblowers, monitor ALL telecommunications worldwide. Programmed phrases / words are highlighted and those drawing the attention of the computers monitoring are then targeted by operatives using other technologies. The principle targets are not terrorists or criminals but rather opponents of those powerful criminals who are protected by this very system. National Security claims are a bogus excuse for establishing such systems then misusing them in secret.
N.B. There are literally hundreds of ways of tracking the earth’s inhabitants which are available to corrupt agency officials and their criminal contacts (e.g. the mafia). The last seven are examples of devices used to covertly menace political targets who do not have a public profile. Most can be satellite based and anyone can be targeted provided they have neither influence nor contacts in public life. Government secrecy provisions help to prevent public disclosures regarding these technologies. However, there is more than an element of corruption / complicity evident amongst politicians, journalists and other public figures who are aware of what goes on. Others are afraid to interfere.
It is evident that countless people (world wide) have already lodged complaints about the following technologies. They are available to government agencies, defense contractors and “organized” crime figures.
• The Neurophone
US Patent # 3,393,279. July 16th, 1968, US Patent # 3,647,970. March 7th, 1972
Although the offered explanations for “Hearing Voices” can include everything from trickery to hidden transmitters to tinnitus to psychic/haunting experiences to possession or encounters with God/aliens (to so – called schizophrenic episodes) by far the most common REAL reason is covert Neurophone harassment as arranged by government agencies and/or other criminals.
The Neurophone was developed by Dr Patrick Flanagan in 1958. It’s a device that converts sound to electrical impulses. In its original form electrodes were placed on the skin but with defence department developments, the signals can be delivered via satellite. They then travel the nervous system directly to the brain (bypassing normal hearing mechanisms). Dr Flanagan’s “3D holographic sound system” can place sounds in any location as perceived by the targeted / tortured listener. This allows for a variety of deceptions for gullible victims.
Today, the CIA, DIA (etc) use satellites and ground based equipment to deliver verbal threats, deafening noise and propaganda using neurophone technology. Anything from TV’s/radio’s appearing to operate when switched off through to “Voices from God” and encounters with “telepathic” aliens are all cons using neurophone technologies to torment, deceive and (most importantly) discredit agency/criminal targets. Naturally, the system can mimic anyone’s voice and automatic computer translations (into any language) are incorporated.
Anecdotal evidence indicates that people like David Koresh, Martin Bryant and others could have been programmed then remotely triggered (or tricked) using harassment technologies like the neurophone. (Although most of the targets are intelligent and law-abiding). For example, Mark Chapman, reportedly heard voices before and after killing John Lennon. “God” apparently told him to confess verbally.
To explain why others physically moving into the path of the laser (or whatever) do not pick up the signals, please note the following possibilities:
a) Kirlian photography may be an ancillary system so it’s attuned to the targets personal energy field (their unique EM waves).
b) The magnetite in our brains can act as a detectable fingerprint.
c) Equally each of us has a unique bioelectrical resonance frequency in our brains. EMF Brain stimulation may be encoded so that pulsating EM signals sent to the targets brain cause audio-visual effects which only the target experiences. This, to me, is the best explanation.
d) The individuals “vibrational pattern” could be used as a signal filter like a radio receiving only the sound modulating the frequency of the station it’s tuned to.
e) The monitors simply adjust the volume downwards when you’re in a position where the signal could hit someone else’s body. Even if they heard it (briefly) they’d attribute it to another voice in the crowd etc.
As with the final proof, the definitive answer lies in the actual blueprints; secreted in the bowels of the Pentagon or some similar facility. Nonetheless, there is no report of ANY intercepted neurophone signals. If it wasn’t so effective it would not have been used to facilitate silent communications between U.S. government agents/military personnel.
• Psycho-Acoustic Projector, U.S. patent #3,566,347, (23/2/71)
A device/weapon which can actually deafen the target.
• Silent Subliminal Messages, US Patent # 5,159,703. October 27th, 1992
Inventor – Dr Oliver M. Lowery
Non aural carriers in extreme audio frequency ranges are amplified or modulated with the desired material and propagated acoustically for direct inducement into the brain. This is an excellent method of influencing people without their knowledge. An alert reader would recognise how this could create coincidences and stir up conflict; especially if what’s fed to one person corresponds with what’s gathered (via surveillance) from another. It can also help to create coincidences of the sort the media creates (through surveillance feedback) only in reverse, where the subjects are fed information prior to the event (eg. a news story) and coerced into believing they are psychic.
Patented devices known to facilitate subliminal message delivery are too numerous to list.
However, examples include:
N.B Sound can also be induced by radiating the head with microwaves. One unpublished application was the Gulf War but, more times than not, the targets are mostly innocent/oppressed civilians trying to exercise their basic rights to free speech in so-called western democracies.
• Methods and Systems of Altering Consciousness
US Patent # 5,123,844. June 23rd, 1992
US Patent # 5,289,438. February 22nd, 1994
These systems stimulate the brain with different frequencies and wave forms to alter the subject’s state of consciousness.
Electro Magnetic Field (EMF) monitoring/interference is one of the most insidious and secretive of all methods used by the agencies.
N.B. Similarly, EEG cloning feeds back the results of EMF monitoring in an attempt to induce emotional responses (e.g. fear, anger, even sleep etc.).
This could possibly work on certain members of a crowd or audience….again this could facilitate scams etc.
Dr Ross Adey concludes that all aspects of human behavior can be affected, even controlled. He used 0.75 milliwatts per square centimeter of pulsed, modulated microwave at a frequency of 450 MHz.
Notably the Alaskan HAARP project (featuring the B.J.Eastland patented technology – U.S. patent #4,686,605, 11/4/87 – “Method and Apparatus for altering a region in the Earth’s atmosphere, ionosphere or magnetosphere” and others also facilitates experiments in the disruption of human mental processes. It’s the largest, most versatile radio frequency radiation transmitter in the world also allowing experimentation in weather “modification”, wireless, electrical power beaming and communications “disruption”. Its systems like this which could one day see attempts made to brainwash/control entire populations. And that is just as feasible as a wholesale nuclear holocaust.
• Microwave Weapons
Twenty years ago a scientist, Allan Frey, found that if a microwave carrier were to be sliced and carried audio modulation, that modulation could be heard by someone in the signals path. The thin pulses of radio carrier wave cause currents to flow through the nervous system – the result is a remote transmission; no wires or contact is needed.
“A hearing system” U.S. patent #4,877,027, 31/10/89. Wayne Brunker.
“A hearing device” U.S. patent #4,858,612, 22/8/89. Philip L.Stocklin.
The latter involves microwaves aimed at the auditory cortex. A mike turns the sounds to electrical signals which are treated so as to provide multi frequency microwaves which are applied to the brain area. Whatever sound the mike picks up (like a voice) is relayed to the target.
The first known experiment with microwaved voices was conducted by Sharp and Grove in the early 70’s. However, the Defense Intelligence Agency and the Advanced Research Projects Agency are principally to blame for the abuse of such technologies since. (Project Pandora). The CIA’s Langley Research Center as well as an army of “mad” scientists working in Energy/Defense department labs across the U.S. are also responsible. As with the NASA Apollo program, many of those originally involved were ex Nazi or Russian Cold war scientists (even WWII Japanese) recruited, regardless of their earlier crimes, to commit more crimes, this time for the U.S.A.
It’s worth noting the reported experiments carried out in bygone days included The MKULTRA (mind control)/LSD experiments, germ and nuclear fallout testing (on military and civilian personnel), electro-shock treatment on institutional victims and so on. The U.S. Energy and Justice departments are now involved in such programs so the U.S. can escape violation of international defense/agency treaties. That’s also why the “D” for “defense” was dropped from DARPA.
In any event, once a technology is labelled “Top secret-classified” they can use it any way they like on anyone. God Bless America.
• Brain Wave Monitors / Analyzers
Lawrence Pinneo, a neurophysiologist and electronic engineer working for Stanford Research Institute (a military contractor) is the first “known” pioneer in this field. In 1974 he developed a computer system which correlated brain waves on an electroencephalograph with specific commands.
In the early 1990s, Dr Edward Taub reported that words could be communicated onto a screen using the thought-activated movements of a computer cursor. (Currently under secrecy provisions; “Classified”)
In 1994, the brain wave patterns of 40 subjects were officially correlated with both spoken words and silent thought. This was achieved by a neurophysiologist, Dr Donald York, and a speech pathologist, Dr Thomas Jensen, from the University of Missouri. They clearly identified 27 words / syllables in specific brain wave patterns and produced a computer program with a brain wave vocabulary.
It does not take much thinking to realize that the US agencies have access to a perfected version of this technology. In fact the relevant computers have a vocabulary in excess of 60,000 words and cover most languages.
In fact, the NSA’s signals intelligence monitor the brainwaves of their targets by satellite and decode the evoked potentials (3.50Hz 5 milliwatts) that the brain emits.
So, using lasers / satellites and high-powered computers the agencies have now gained the ability to decipher human thoughts – and from a considerable distance (instantaneously).
• How is it done?
The magnetic field around the head, the brain waves of an individual can be monitored by satellite. The transmitter is therefore the brain itself just as body heat is used for “Iris” satellite tracking (infrared) or mobile phones or bugs can be tracked as “transmitters”. In the case of brain wave monitoring the results are then fed back to the relevant computers. Monitors then use the information to conduct a “conversation” where audible neurophone input is “applied” to the victim.
Human thought operates at 5,000 bits/sec but satellites and various forms of biotelemetry can deliver those thoughts to supercomputers in Maryland, U.S.A, Israel, etc which have a speed of over 300 trillion bits/sec which means just one (Blue Gene) supercomputer can process more information than ten times the entire world’s population. These, even today, monitor millions of people simultaneously. Eventually they will monitor almost everyone, worse than any Orwellian “Big Brother” nightmare you could possibly imagine, only it will be a reality. Yet our world leaders, who know this, do nothing.
NB Whilst the live/human comments are individualistic and unrelated to the victims own thought processes oftentimes the artificial intelligence involved will parrot standard phrases. These are triggered by your thoughts while the human monitors remain silent or absent.
To comprehend how terrible such a thorough invasion of privacy can be – imagine being quizzed on your past as you lie in bed. You eventually fall off to sleep, having personal or “induced” dreams, only to wake to the monitors commenting / ridiculing your subconscious thoughts (dreams).
If the ability to “brain scan” individuals expands from the million or so currently under scrutiny to include ALL inhabitants of the planet (as per the Echelon surveillance system which already monitors ALL private/commercial telecommunications) then no-one will ever be able to even think about expressing an opinion contrary to those forced on us by the New World Order. There will literally be no intellectual property that cannot be stolen, no writing that cannot be censored, no thought that cannot be suppressed (by the most oppressive/invasive means).
The combined use of these technologies enables remote torture and interrogation. (Memories are triggered by neurophone questioning and the brain wave analyzers deliver the answers). Any nebulous arguments about US national security and the need for classified research on human subjects speak for themselves. (The writer has a copy of a White House internal memo, signed by Bill Clinton on these matters).
Remember that in the past CIA mind control experiments have involved LSD as well as electro-shock treatment. The MK Ultra (Mind Control) program itself is infamous as are the instances where implants have been detected by X-Ray etc. Also there are those experimented on under the the cover of ‘Alien visits’. Today, Neurophone and mind reading technologies are at the forefront of similar programs. In many ways these new technologies are an even more sinister means of conducting illegal human experiments.
Colonel John Alexander, advising head of NATO’S non-lethal weapon initiative, is the main proponent of these technologies. He favors all manner of devices which can, from a distance, induce illnesses, read minds and covertly harass innocent targets. If he could he would implant a microchip in each newborn child and initiate a mind control program designed to brainwash the entire planet or at least those not fully in tune with their New World Order. Even to entertain such a thought is criminally insane yet he has said such things in public. In fact Scientific American magazine and the major Scandinavian newspaper, Helsingen Sanomat, have suggested all people will be implanted with a DNA microchip in the future. E.g Prince William has already been implanted (for “location” purposes?) while some U.S Military/Agency personnel, including NASA astronauts, have been implanted so as to study their thoughts/emotions etc. Think of the possibilities for robotics and cloning in the future.
Remember, these technologies (developed for times of war / terrorism) are (post cold war) being used today on lobbyists, intellectual dissenters and peaceful activists; to discredit and silence them. (So much for democracy.) Notably different methods are often used on different victims within a certain area (city) so as to avoid providing a pattern for investigators to observe. This also provides a cross section of political targets for their experimental programs.
It is also noteworthy that some of the victims are ex-agency / military personnel who have rebelled or tried to blow the whistle on corrupt practices within these organizations. Some of these report that not only have the thoughts and emotions of millions of targets been catalogued by military/intelligence agencies but all such agencies have political/mafia/media links due to both infiltration and association. Many of the actual monitors/harassers are also recruited from the worst possible sources.
These people also report that experiments in controlling voters by these remote methods were tried in Haiti, Bosnia etc AND that in 1994, the U.S D.O.D proposed using such technology on all individuals opposing their views(and competitors etc). The DIA would know.
N.B. These technologies are invariably used in conjunction with satellite (audio / visual) surveillance; creating the effect of an electronic POW concentration camp. Mental rape is only one of the many crimes committed in this mobile environment. E.g scientists, writers, political/military leaders etc can have their intellectual property stolen at the source. Without doubt the computers store and analyze the intelligence gathered by surveillance/harassment technologies. Their vast memories allow detailed studies of how the human mind works so as to learn how to influence and/or control people. Duplicating these processes for robotics and other artificial intelligence purposes is another sinister goal.
The US and other world governments are guilty of fostering gross human rights abuses by using these methods. Their covert operators can now do their worst without fear of detection. The cost is justified by the control gained and the experimental results achieved. Of course, (as with the space program and military expenditures in general) the funds used could be better spent solving real problems like hunger, disease, poverty and crime.
• Agencies such as the CIA, ASIS and ASIO should be accountable to appropriately selected committees etc.
• Military units, like Australia’s DSD and the U.S. DIA, should not have the right to access satellite (or other) technologies to spy on or harass law-abiding citizens; especially in their own country. Equally they should not assist foreign governments with ‘Big Brother’ systems like Echelon, except where assisting with law enforcement activities (which they do not).
• Federal Police should be able to access oscillating scanners and EEG machines like SQUID (Superconductor Quantum Interface Detector) through the defense department or appropriate facilities. These can detect the relevant frequencies and this provides proof.
• There needs to be a United Nations Satellite Committee to oversee developments in satellite technology from a humanitarian perspective.
• UN weapons inspectors should include non-lethal weapons and satellite weaponry on their checklists.
• The International Criminal Court should deny veto rights to the US government. The threat of class actions against US government departments may then lead to the end of these atrocities.
WHAT’S BEING DONE ABOUT IT
(i) Pres. Bill Clinton issued a memo and an Admin’ order of governmental Federal Policy change but it was not implemented before he left office. It related to “Strengthened protection for human subjects of classified research”, 27th March, 1997. (May 13th, 1997….Federal register). His wife, Hillary Clinton, later as US Secretary of State (responsible for the agencies), made no further attempt to stop the atrocities in question.
(ii) Senator John Glen introduced the “Human research subject protection act” (s.193, 105th congress, Jan 22, 1997). As an ex astronaut he knew full well how necessary this was but the bill was not passed.
(iii) The European Parliament recently passed resolutions calling for a world convention to ban all weapons used for human experimentation/manipulation. (see Resolution on the environment security and foreign policy A4 – 0005/99, Jan 28th, 1999.EP1159). The European Parliament also called for a convention introducing a global ban on any weaponry enabling manipulation of human beings. The International Committee of the Red Cross also expressed its concerns in July ’94.
(iv) UNIDIR (The United Nations Institute for Disarmament Research) has issued a media guide to disarmament esp. re weapons of mass destruction. Non-lethal weapons are listed and the list includes mind control weapons. Resolutions, treaties, international conventions/laws must quickly be introduced to bridge the gap between rapidly advancing (and usually ‘classified’) technologies and inadequate laws. UN weapons inspectors should then seek access to government (et al) facilities (worldwide – including the U.S.) to eradicate these evil weapons.
(v) ON 28TH DECEMBER 2003 THE MICHIGAN GOVERNOR SIGNED PUBLIC ACTS 256 AND 257 (EFFECTIVE 1/1/04). THESE OUTLAW THE USE OF ANY EM WEAPON ON ANYONE. PENALTY – 15 YEARS-LIFE.
(vi) US Rep Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) introduced a bill “The space preservation act of 2001″ (HR 2977). This was an attempt to ban all weapons in space, including the ones referred to on this site. The congressional record shows that “Mind Control”, “Psychotronic” and “Mood Management” weapons were referred to in HR 2977 but the bill had to be reintroduced as HR 3616 as a watered down version that excluded such terms. Like the earlier attempts by Pres. Clinton and Sen. Glenn this failed to shore up the loopholes which allow non-consensual human experimentation by the agencies and the military. And, like most things kept from the public, these secretive crimes, allowed by the deliberate placement of bad laws, are undemocratic, abhorrent and inspired by an inhumane, elitist mentality that the Nazis and Dr Mengele himself would be proud of.
The ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) filed a lawsuit in early 2012 against the US government ( Obama administration) concerning the covert targeting / killing of individuals by the agencies; with executive approval or orders.
However these are only promises recognizing the problem. None have yet bore fruit. The use of most “non-lethal” weapons contravenes the spirit of all privacy laws and criminal codes as well as every relevant code and convention in play internationally; including The Declaration of Human Rights. The International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights. The Geneva Convention and The Nuremberg Code. The perpetrators are guilty of crimes against humanity. Those supporting them are engaging in class warfare of the worst kind.
Some of the martyrs to the cause are listed below. These people, all of which spoke with authority and inside knowledge, were all murdered for blowing the whistle on covert satellite harassment….
• Bill Roy, ANU lecturer and Chief Technician, Canberra Black Mountain Tower. He was planning to enter politics and tell the world the truth about satellite surveillance / harassment. He was run down while on his bike, alone in the Uni’ grounds after dark.
• Dr Fred Bell, Physicist and ex DOD employee. He was speaking publicly about evil attacks on citizens using classified technologies. He was murdered in his hotel room just after speaking on Jesse Ventura’s Conspiracy show on TruTV.
Ironically, he was the great grandson of Alexander Graham Bell who invented the “telephone” while he himself was killed for telling people about “neurophones”, amongst other things.
• Ted Gunderson, Ex FBI agent. Ted was an effective activist that assisted many and worked tirelessly to resolve this situation. He died suddenly in suspicious circumstances.
• Alistair Stuart, a Psychiatrist. He was discredited then murdered in his home for highlighting the number of political / agency targets who were falsely committed to mental institutions in order to silence them.
• Michael Hastings – He was a journalist working on a story about the CIA chief when killed in a very suspicious accident in 2013. He had also previously ended the career of General McChrystal.
• Bradley Manning – Jailed in 2013 for 35 years (hopefully to be paroled much sooner if not pardoned altogether) for passing on military information to Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. His motivation was seeing atrocities in Iraq whilst serving there. His concern was for others. In the absence of adequate reporting channels, media coverage or government accountability for such human rights abuses only whistleblowers can bring such things to the attention of the public and then only through marginalized organizations. This of course conveniently allows the government to hide most crimes and demonize those reporting them. The most apt comment I read on this matter read something like this: “When exposing a crime is able to be called a crime by the criminals who committed it you can be sure that those same criminals rule”. The US military and agencies manipulate the truth and brainwash the public so that those not thinking straight support their views, giving them at least some leeway to get away with injustices such as imprisoning Mr Manning. Talk of fictional “psych’ ” problems is always a last resort and they also used that in his case.
• Julian Assange – He published the Manning documents / revelations en masse through Wikileaks and has been hounded for it to the point where he’s sought political asylum from the gov’t of Ecuador. The big lie used on him concerns some obvious sexual frame up. Like other whistleblowers, he has been demonized for speaking the truth which has become a crime or revolutionary act according to the criminals committing the crimes. How the guilty turn the accusations back onto the innocent in today’s evil world would have been a valuable clue for the despots of the past who would be in awe of what technology and total control of the information flow have delivered to the masters of today’s evil world.
• Edward Snowden – Attacked to the point where he sought asylum in China then Russia, for revealing to Guardian reporter Glenn Greenwald the extent of the NSA’s PRISM surveillance system; gathering all information from all communications from all citizens. Like William Binney before him, also an NSA whistleblower re’ ECHELON and other systems, he’s been victimized and set up to look like a traitor. Again, as with the quote for Mr Manning, I say: When exposing treachery is able to be called treachery by the traitors responsible you can be sure that those same powerful traitors rule.
Jesus Christ, who IS the truth, said that “the world” hated him because he said that it was evil (the truth). When men like those mentioned above say the same they are treated the same; with lies and set ups, fueled by merciless hatred and ending in ultimate injustice by the rulers of “the world”. “The whole world is under the rule of the evil one” said Jesus. It was true then and it’s true now. “In a time of universal deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act”, George Orwell.
Hi Friends and Followers,
Just wanted to remind you all of the new videos I posted last month – on mind control and targeting I’ve personally experienced in the last decades.
I might not be posting again for awhile (life’s getting busy), so I hope you’ll take the time to watch these, either by clicking specific videos or using my playlists below.
Targeted Individual experience:
– Targeted Individual Social Sabotage: https://youtu.be/h89pFkVCnGU
– 7 Days of Targeting: https://youtu.be/_StvLwf2vI4
– MK/Targeting treatment different in different locations: https://youtu.be/mUB4ZC9cFRY
– Why Me?: https://youtu.be/Ax8d2xB6Sf8
– Ironic Smiles (a poem about recognizing targeters/controllers/handlers: https://youtu.be/X4i__AMoTxE
– Hit out on me? https://youtu.be/ON8aMHQPABY
– Highway Crash Report: https://youtu.be/9MHAO0GqPhM
– A most disturbing discovery about Targeting: Operation TIPS, Terrorism Liaison Officers, and Targeted Individuals
– Implant in my G-spot (yes): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RhPLxGPNf0
– In my heart: https://youtu.be/UpTrCntYWiU
– Implant on my Scapula: https://youtu.be/FykaX6T6dqw
– Implant in my Ear: https://youtu.be/ldkCOVtIMTs
and Name that technology: What’s in my ear?: https://youtu.be/zJnrBan_T-M
Mind Control Alters come out in public:
– Alter moves on program to steal, horrifying me: https://youtu.be/fG3axJD7tzg
– Martial arts alter comes out to help: https://youtu.be/DDpkMYR8s5Y
– Alter comes out to discredit: https://youtu.be/s4yUhRbncT4
Mind Control Subject on Kavanaugh, RF meter, new videos, fraternity rape, new implant, harassment: https://youtu.be/BFBS1xMJYFk
My efforts to be a truth teller (1- and 2-minute clips from a longer ramble):
– Telling the Truth 1: https://youtu.be/9sabbUgCFBo
– Telling the Truth 2 – with amnestic alters: https://youtu.be/9sabbUgCFBo
My channel: (https://www.youtube.com/user/ParadigmSalonVideo)
My playlists: My Story from the Beginning,
Newest: My Story,
Mind Control Harassment,
Mind Control Healing,
MK & “Aliens”,
Thank you, Everyone. I really appreciate your views and comments.
Peace and blessings on us all.
As you may know, I lost my home a little over two years ago, basically because I was constantly terrorized and incapacitated, so that I couldn’t make a living to keep paying the mortgage.
So I sold my beautiful home, and planned to move to a simple home in a wonderful location – but when I arrived, it wasn’t available and wouldn’t be for any time in the foreseeable future! And it’s still not.
I left the greatest part of my belongings in storage, bought a truck and trailer, and went traveling, looking for some place that “called,” not finding it, trying to be of service wherever I went, and discovering some wonderful possibilities, such as the Rubber Tramp Rendezvous (RTR), where nomads meet each winter and find friends to travel with. I wasn’t feeling trusting yet and chose to simply observe, then went on my own solo way.
Before I found the RTR, I experienced a very suspicious series of events that leads me to believe my truck and/or trailer were remote controlled, and they were totaled on the highway one year ago. I’m still recovering from a concussion and whiplash. I describe it in one of my new videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MHAO0GqPhM&index=38&list=PLPo7-F8Erey7-17KcMf-oaqGLEQ5uaMiA.
When I could drive again and got a loan while waiting for the insurance company to do their thing, I replaced the truck and trailer with a truck and small camper.
Last July, I suddenly wanted to find one place to sit and be still “for awhile, or a few months, or maybe forever,” and with borrowed money I purchased a larger trailer that I intend to never move, but just park in a sweet little country trailer park. I still have my small camper which I can load any time I want onto the back of my truck and go camping – or to the RTR.
Now that I have this extra space (my trailer is 37′ long and has three sliders, giving me 387 sf!), I’ve retrieved many of my possessions from storage and am enjoying having the room to comfortably cook different things, my old library to consult, and enough space to have friends visit easily.
Most important to you: I’ve regained enough mental focus to begin recording my stories on video, in short segments, most 4- to 8-minutes long.
It’s been ten years since I published my memoir, and I could certainly write another with as many amazing stories as the first, but I haven’t yet had dependable energy that lets me believe I could write, edit, publish and market the project, so instead I’m recording short videos whenever I have the time and uploading them. It’s much more efficient and hopeful than tackling a huge book project.
Being targeted regularly sometimes zaps me for 15 days each month. The time that’s left I need to shop, cook, clean, pay bills, and usually I stay just enough behind to be always on the edge of depression and anxiety – but only on the edge. I can usually build myself up and be happy to get everything done, or almost, and be good company when I visit family and friends.
And when I’m hit, I’m learning to take it easy, not fight it, not try to push myself, but even be grateful for the time to be still and not feel guilty!
And when I realize this is rare time, given my hyper-productivity training by my super-perfectionist workaholic German parents (God bless them), this rare time, I often receive such important lessons from my spirit Help that I wonder if it was THEM making me slow down! Not saying so, but I’m considering this possibility. It’s a lot less terrifying than the usual assumptions, right?
I’m pleased with the videos so far, and have created one playlist of EVERYTHING I’ve videotaped since 2010 (41 videos) in approximate order (let me know if there’s something obviously out of order, and I’ll fix it).
When I finished creating the playlist, I sat back, thinking I’d speed watch, stopping and jumping ahead, just to get an overall impression, thinking I’d be bored to watch them all again, but I found myself bingeing! – watching one after the other and frankly feeling quite impressed that I’ve told so many stories I think need to be told. (It was late, so I stopped, and that’s why I’ll accept comments if you find any order problems.)
Some are short, tightly edited, like the first. Others are slow – a result of my concussion and even being depressed – and I wonder if people will be impatient with them. Let me know. In any case, I think it’s good that the roller coaster of my life is recorded in this way.
I cover a lot of subjects: my implants, times I’ve been controlled during the day, various kinds of harassment, hopeful days, breakdowns, and more.
One more thing:
My numbers on YouTube have been seriously messed with. This first video went viral in late 2010 and had over 12,000 views. Then the numbers began to run backward! Now they’re down in the hundreds, but running forward again. Watch them, if you would.
Thank you for being here.
Blessings on you ~
Check out this video for some important history:
Feeling so grateful. And what irony: for an old TV special!
Opening words: “This is the story of a thirty-year search by US intelligence agencies to perfect mind control. Some of those engaged in the search have agreed to talk about it for the first time. One said, ‘I think every last one of us felt sorry to attempt this kind of thing. We knew we were crossing the line.'”
Having finally decided to come out of the closet (again), risk (again) being thought “negative” and creating my own very gruesome reality, I allowed myself to indulge yesterday in some long-neglected research on my own situation.
It has been rewarding to learn, or relearn that thousands, maybe a million other people around the world are experiencing the same thing as me, and that I’m not all alone, defective, having created this disabling condition.
Not only am I not guilty of creating it, but I haven’t been unaware either. I’d perceived enough and made logical conclusions, consistent with personal and world history, and even with religion, philosophy and mythology, about what was happening to me.
So why did I need to reread this research to remember? Many forces encourage me to forget, or not believe, or hold my ideas in a “consideration” category without enough certainty to warrant action. Lots of ways I disable my brain from action.
Why? Because few of my friends can tolerate hearing about it more than twenty minutes to an hour a year. When they offer their opinion it is most often along the lines of trying to focus on other things, which they don’t realize is already how I’m living my life and I’m wondering whether the better strategy might be to tell someone about it.
Everyone is mind controlled to not talk about it. Even though it has become a fairly common subject of science fiction these days, it’s still difficult to discuss. The implications are so scary.
Yeah. And especially for us.
And for us, there’s really very little we can do. And when things are so hopeless, no one wants to hear. Why bum out their day when there’s nothing they can do.
Here’s the video I’m grateful for – from way back in 1979 – grateful for it being one of the few bits of affirmation I’ve gotten lately:
Watching an old Jesse Ventura show on Targeted Individuals – gratified that he’s found medical and other professionals willing to put their names on the line to testify about this experience.
Wish I’d seen this five years ago. Now, it’s helped inspire me to gather my energy to write again about something of the last two years.
So much has happened that I’ve recorded in one way or another but haven’t published – keeping it secret, testing “giving it no energy,” to see if it’ll go away. It hasn’t.
“Voices in their heads,” Jesse calls it, but there is so much more to being a TI. I’ll finish up this blog with an account of my experience of electronic experiments, and follow with one on social harassment, aka gang stalking.
One of the first times I felt subjected to a beam, it felt like an experiment that involved tracking. Sitting sideways on my sofa, I first felt a spot of vibration about four inches wide moving about on my foot, then moving up my ankle and lower leg.
I pulled my leg in, telling myself it could just be my foot and leg falling asleep, but it touched my foot again, causing me to jump up off the sofa. Flash on options: sit on sofa again, other end, bed, kitchen, nowhere to go, it’s going to get me wherever I go, and so I lay in bed, resigned, expecting the buzz to hit a foot again, but instead my head was suddenly encompassed in a buzzing circle, after which I remember nothing. Next morning, my ears were ringing, and they’ve never stopped. I’ve lost the entire top half of my hearing range.
Musical tones have sometimes put me “to sleep” and sometimes woken me up. Once a torturously-loud, high-pitched tone sent me running to find my iPod to play a particular self-hypnosis recording that seemed the most powerful relaxation resource I had – but the recording had mysteriously disappeared from my device, leaving only one other self-hypnosis product, which I’d purchased but never listened to because I suspected it had mind control programming in it.
In the pause before hitting Play, I felt I was being compelled to listen to this recording, and it would be dangerous for me, but I’d be further tortured if I didn’t, so I submitted, and the torturous pitch gave way to a calm, gentle voice encouraging me along a path in a light-dappled woods. I must have gone unconscious because I remember nothing else of the recording, just woke with my ears ringing, for years now.
I’ve also experienced movies suddenly playing in my head – and I mean literal movies, not like a memory I could pause or meander with. The first looked like a 1960’s, black-and-white home movie of a family at the marina, young teens self-conscious of their manners, boarding their boat, turning, arranging themselves, waving at the camera. I chose not to pay attention to it, and chose not to give it any emotional energy.
Another movie suddenly played in my head was of a dusty Third World road with people, animals, carts, the camera moving along with the traffic, chest high. Once, two movies played on top of each other! Every time, I chose not to pay attention to them – let them go blurry, give them no emotion.
One afternoon last year I was standing in my travel trailer home near my bed when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to lie down and was unconscious by the time I hit the bed. I woke hours later with what felt like water in my ear. Living alone out in the country, I didn’t find anyone to look in my ear until it had healed. The water sensation stayed for three days.
The one time I actually heard a clear communication it wasn’t necessarily with clear words. It was as if they had a map of ideas I’d already developed among my theories, and they merely touched on one after another after another, building their story, concluding with the end of the Earth-human experiment (ending because we keep devolving too radically between their uplifting visits). The “second chance” that Jehovah or Enlil/Enki of the Sumerian records had been played out, and we were not going to get another chance. God, or the Aliens, are done with us.
Because the whole thing felt so scripted and imposed upon me, I chose not to believe it, but I could NOT ignore it – it overwhelmed all other thought.
In the city I often feel targeted by extremely unpleasant vibrations hidden under a heavy bass in the music of a passing vehicle. It’s so powerful, I assume it must be directed narrowly toward my home. I finally learned a response that empowers instead of weakens me: I call out a sort of war-cry to override whatever it is and keep it up as long as it keeps up. Interestingly, it seems as though my war cry makes it end sooner.
Finally, I’ve also experienced something I think I’ve heard called “thought transference.” While lying in bed relaxing to sleep, I seemed to suddenly experience the mind of someone else, for instance a hairdresser with her hands in plastic gloves, looking down, seeing them squishing around in someone’s scalp, parting wet hair to pull strands through a cap for coloring – or something that looked and felt like this action I’ve heard about but never saw. Unlike film, this experience contained peripheral vision, and the feeling and even bored thoughts of the person doing the work made me feel like I was in someone else’s body for a little while. Again, I chose to withdraw my participation, and it faded quickly.
I’ll be reviewing my journals to see what other electronic experiments I’ve experienced and add them. My fractured mind is too tired right now to get into researcher mode. I’ll post right now so it doesn’t wait for two years.
And hope to post soon about the social harassment, gang stalking.
I used to wonder what was wrong with me. I called myself shy, then neurotic, and eventually, in my early 40s realized I’d been sexually abused as a child. The next year, I realized I was also dissociative, fractured, amnesic, and had been for most of my life.
Just before I turned 50 I realized I’d not only been sexually abused, but had also been tortured, intentionally to make me dissociative, the foundation to controlling my mind. This was a task carried out by various parties, overseen by CIA psychiatrists, with assistance from the Mormon Church and other groups throughout my life.
Throughout my life, I’ve also tested at genius levels, in school, on MENSA and Air Force tests, and often won awards my first year in a field, from art to sales and fundraising. This is either a positive effect of mind control, or maybe they chose me for their project because they knew I was smart, or maybe only the smart ones survive.
A year or two ago, I learned I score borderline on the Asperger’s Scale, though I was very “Aspie” when I was young. While the majority of Aspies consider themselves different by virtue of their genetics, one-third of us identify as different because of our upbringing.
Falling on the Aspergers Scale might be a natural outcome of the childhood training. To progress as far as I have is not uncommon for Aspie women; with enough motivation, or pressure, it’s possible to study people and in decades of practice, figure out how to act almost normal. Now that I pass (barely, borderline on the scale), I enjoy socializing for an hour or two, at most, but I often feel mentally numb afterwards. I relate to Dr. Spock and the newest depiction of Sherlock Holmes – both mystified as I am by common conversation. I remember judging adult conversation quite harshly also when I was very young, as if I had some other standard against which to judge. Maybe I came from somewhere else? Could that be why they chose me?
I’ve called myself a “high-functioning multiple personality” – though my alters are not nearly as dramatic nor as distinct as the individuals chosen for movie scripts. My alter changes have gone mostly unnoticed for all of my life. This helped me hold the attitude, after I realized the extent of my fractures, that with the help of my spiritual Guides, I could heal myself and recover my life – even though the literature warns against such high expectations, unless one is young and has a great deal of money and support. I have none of those things.
When I am more realistic, I think it only my right to end my life, but no one will agree with me on that. I’m sure that if I went to Oregon, or any other state with right-to-die laws, I’d qualify: I have a) a disease that cannot be cured, b) which harms my quality of life irredeemably, and c) [I forget the third qualifier, but I’ll fill this in soon].
Why I don’t believe in suicide is because…
1) I think it only honest to remember that we could be wrong in interpreting our perceptions – since we see so little of the material world as compared to what we can perceive with technology – we see only a fraction;and some people say it’s all illusion anyway, or at least that we “see through a glass darkly.” I assume it’s true, because I’ve had my ecstatic times when I saw something in another realm that I couldn’t remember but the conclusion was happiness and the assurance that, regardless of what appears, everything’s going to be alright – or at least I think I saw and knew that. (Maybe it was mind control. If so, we’ll need to revisit my assumptions.)
2) Everything we see has already been interpreted for us by those who’ve gone ahead of us, in our language, entertainment, religion, politics, and education. Somewhere, we might have been helped to construct an incorrect framework for current interpretations.
3) Someone once suggested that if we bail out on this life, we’ll just have to come back and do it again, like the Truman Show, and I don’t want to take that risk. Since I’ve always felt that our culture won’t last much longer, I always assume it’s not that much more to endure.
So, I’m hanging in.
Two years ago I was at my wit’s end, having woken in my bed, feeling something terrible had been done to me. With great difficulty, I rolled off the bed and arranged myself upright to walk, and slowly shuffled to the bathroom. When I saw my face in the mirror, I turned back to the living room to get my phone and shuffled back to the bathroom mirror and snapped a photo.
My facial muscles were slack, the tissues puffy, my eyelids sagging, my left eyeball turned inward. The overall impression was that I’d been beat up, only there was no discoloration.
What had been done to me? (A normal photo is included for comparison.)
I’d recently summarized all my journals into a master database, so I could see whether the frequency of these events was increasing. In 2010, I’d had only 38 days disturbed by bizarre events, in 2015 I’d had 130 days in which I’d either had a bizarre experience that had rocked my equanimity or I was recovering from something mysterious. One-third of my days. Obviously, this interfered with making a living and all the other aspects of living a life. I was unable to keep up with home and garden maintenance, payments, anything.
At my wit’s end, I asked nearly every family for something. My son I asked to make payments on my house, since he often said he felt guilty for not saving anything when he had so much money flowing through. I asked my siblings to read a three page summary of all the weirdness, and I sent them that photo above, but between the three of them I got back only two sentences: One couldn’t give me money (I hadn’t asked), and the other would pray for me. My son didn’t answer. I asked my daughter for nothing, since she’d let me know very clearly she thought I was only suffering from my own mistakes. When my father learned I was planning to sell my home, he offered to make the payments for me, but by then I only wanted out of the house where I felt like a sitting duck, and I declined his offer. Perhaps that was a mistake.
I sold my home as fast as I could and found myself inside a major psy op (psychological operation, which I’ll describe soon) designed to squash every bit of energy out of me – for what purpose? Punishment from my controllers for my sin of speaking against the FBI, CIA, Mormon Church, Vatican, and others? Is it entertainment for some psychopaths? Or is my anguish “food” for the Archons (as the gnostic Christians described in ancient texts)? Are they (mind controllers, psychopaths, and Archons) all the same?
Subjects of psy ops are called “targeted individuals,” or “TI’s.” Some are mind control subjects, but all are people who’ve somehow gotten on someone’s shit list.
For awhile I had a theory that they tortured me the worst when I published, so I quit publishing; but recently, my torture has been so great, I’ve decided there’s no need for me to keep this stuff a secret any more.
The other reason I keep it secret is that people can hardly believe it, and the last thing I need is people thinking I made shit up. That’s why I take photos and document as thoroughly as possible.
But I don’t want to keep the secrets any more. I see online that the numbers of people suffering from this targeting is much larger than I’d realized. So people need to know. And I’m a writer, and it’s happening to me. So here goes.
Coming soon, my last two years of harassment….
I will be closing this site soonish. Have been advised that publishing anonymously will be so much safer for me.
If you like what you read here, copy it now before it’s gone.
Much, though, will be republished elsewhere anonymously. If you want to follow me wherever I end up, under whatever name (I haven’t decided yet), all I can suggest is that you take note of some of my key words or phases and search for them whenever this disappears.
Thanks all for your support.
Just for the record: 2016 Anomaly Highlights
January: Woke at 1:45 am with a tone in one ear and my heart rapid. injection bruise on outside left thigh. Tired but worked anyway. discovered vaginal irritation – for no reason. no energy; sat all day. low energy, then returned. 5 days affected.
February: Wasted day: Movies. Heard weird noise like old fashioned phone, only lower pitch, over movie soundtrack, came through Smart TV. Also sitting in sunroom, noticed bright light from house on hill, seeming to aim into sunroom and hit me in forehead, causing pineal gland to ache. Had to go inside. woke with ears ringing loud, had been hot and cold in bed, feeling “hit bottom” again. Photo’d bruise and puncture (where?). disabled for third day, depressed, heart ache, want to die, herpes outbreak. Few times in last 3 days, feelings of confusion, not knowing who or where I am. experienced disabling fear about – what I couldn’t remember afterward. Back wrenched for unknown reason. Psychic message: I’m already “in” the system I’m resisting. “Resistance is futile.” Phone rang, picked up, weird recording as if I’d made the call; given numbers. Few weird phone experiences this week. UFO? Slow, 3 lights, low hummmm, NE to SW. 2 weird sounds in house – one Peaches also heard, in art room, then again in that area heard from bathroom. Slept only 2 hours last night and woke at 10:45 pm! Felt severely poisoned, exhausted. 10 days.
March: message again: I’m already “in” the Controlled System” ie “Resistance is Futile.” scary. tense, anxious, stoned all day. still sick – 3 days. 2 scoop marks on spine, high near neck, photo’d. (Spring Equinox) Looked SO BAD, took photo of self looking horrible. severely depressed 5 days. Bad anxiety – impulsively bought trailer had to return (lost$400). only slept 2 hours. only slept 6 hours, awoken in night by electronic tone. 12 days.
April: woke at 2:30 am with energy for whole day – until 11:30 pm! unusual energy. up at 5:30 after only 6 hrs sleep. woke tired, low energy, struggled all day – after 2 relaxing days. Woke at 11 after 1 hour sleep! Then woke at 3 am, hearing 4-5 ascending tones, very precise. Slept again til 7 – woke exhausted. “Dark one” writing night before. Woke exhausted. “Crying One” trying to get out. Lost energy at 2 pm. had vision of red and black chromosomes like snakes held together in their centers, writhing inside me, “cleaning up” – but I feared it was something else. Did extreme twisting again. 9 days.
May: weird altered state of listening to someone, agreeing, then awaking, not remembering! low energy. woke 2:30 am. no energy, can’t work. Disabled with Heavy sadness. Urges to sob. Can’t work or call Mom (tube all day). Woke after 2 hrs sleep – nothing on my mind. Electronic waking? Unable to work. Sobbing all day. low energy, sobbing a lot. energy zapped, did nothing all day. 8 days.
June: hard day, felt like crying often. had flash of alter switches. Stoned – but did someone taint my mj w lsd? Did stupid things. Very confused. But provoking awareness and healing – so okay? couldn’t work all day. very tired, napped often. couple days of computer refusing to open x12, then suddenly worked. Healing! 2 halves of body are equal! woke w 2 lumps on thumb. low energy, nothing done. good energy, but losing track of time. 9 days.
July: Nausea, olfactory hallucinations, and terrifying premonition of evil in future in Silver City AND in Stronghold. missing time while up to pee, 12:15 – 12:40 am. Then, 11 pm, up with too much energy to sleep. 2 days.
August: Listening to BrainWave, it changed music while listening to it; wasted by 2 pm; Woke after 9 pm with sensation of emerging from an electronic/other oppression, face-first. Woke in night as though emerging again from a frozen survival state. BrainWave app changed settings while listening to it. tired five days, did little, lots of movie watching. soles of feet sore, tired, found door lock off and doors unlocked. BrainWave app turned itself on when I didn’t touch it. ODD: channeled a curry recipe!! Computer seems to be remotely controlled. Sick, heart troubles. sick, lethargy, faint, low blood pressure/Cardiio. fever. extremely ill. very ill, could barely move to pack things. feel like major psy op x 13. hacking, coughing, still exhausted, napped. 14 days.
September: vaginal and anal irritation, like raped in night. burning fever, like on too hot hot pad. “slept” 10 hours. woke with spastic muscle in pudendum! herpes around anus. deposit on trailer – acted like a MK subject, trusting. 5 days + most of month enraged, recovering from psy op last month.
October: 10 pm: transmission: man talking to me, can’t remember content. Conscious at 10:05 w heart racing. twice more. woken by bang on the trailer roof twice, 4 and 4:15 am. heard drone (apparently) fly near, vibration in chest felt terrible, anxiety. two cars spying on me, parking immediately next to my vehicle with whole lot available. two trucks watching me, slow drive-bys. slept 7-7=12 hrs! found injection bruise on right front thigh, high. crazy, loud traffic next to trailer with cans thrown at trailer. remote control of my computer, disallowing Bluetooth. 1 am: BAD night sweat, waking me, three nights in a row. last “fix” at RVC. Passcode book disappeared, as well as thumb drive. Also clock alarm set to midnight again. Alarm went off at midnight again. compelled to nap, then woken in strange altered state by phone call from Dar. Rest of day wasted, felt like I had water in my ear. 17 days.
November: very loud engine/humming sound from overhead, back and forth, 8:48 and 9:07. White dog arrived and seemed controlled to sit at my feet and/or at our front door; threatening Peaches, would not leave, acting like a controlled dog. Woke in night at 1 am. Back to consciousness at 4:30 – 3.5 hrs missing time? found 5 financial sites hacked. spent day doing defense. Citibank passcode worked, didn’t, fixed, didn’t, fixed. 4 days.
December: something knocked repeatedly on my bedroom window, 6-7 times, twice. I ignored, almost forgot, altered state. buzzed by two huge helicopters with terrible vibe. tired and groggy all next day. 8:10 pm? went into trance, received instructions can’t remember, woke 8:24 pm. Driving home from luncheon with parents, missed 10 miles and turn-off on 202. driving, noticed my vulva is swollen – wondered if raped in night. heard noise outside by truck, but immobilized and couldn’t look. 10 pm, start to brush teeth, went into trance, woke up, finished brushing, found time was 11:11, and door was unlocked. 1 hour missing time. Altered states while listening to Corey Goode talk about his life being used by good aliens and also monitored by govt. 8 days.
Total days disturbed: 128 days
Average days/month: 11 days/month
injection bruise x2
vaginal irritation x3, anal irritation, and spastic muscle in pudendum
heart problems x 2
sick to stomach with numb shoulder
bruise and puncture, photographed
felt poisoned, tense, anxious
2 scoop marks on spine
2 lumps on thumb
soles of feet sore
Count # of disabled days:
Conscious of waking from altered state: 6
listening to someone, agreeing, then awaking, not remembering
after altered state, feels like water in ear for 3 days
while listening to MK subject testimony
Immobilized after event: 2
knocking on window but unable to look
noise of truck being messed with outside but couldn’t look
Weird waking w tones or electronics: 11
Missing time: 4
1 hour, 11 minutes missing time in middle of brushing teeth
Waking with tone/s in ear/s:
strange noise in house x2, once heard also by Peaches
bright light from hillside that hurt head
Forgetting where I am
Disabling fear about something I couldn’t remember
Message: “Resistance is futile” x2
Electronic awakening x3
“Dark One” writing
“Crying One” trying to get out
vision of black and red chromosomes writing inside, “cleaning up”
flash of alter switches
felt on LSD, very confused
major psy op with 13+ components, another 25 components
transmission of man talking to me, can’t remember content
heard drone (apparently) fly overhead, hover, vibration in chest, bad anxiety
2 cars spying on me in wilderness, parking immediately next to me
2 trucks driving slowly by me in dispersed camping
woken by bang on trailer roof twice 4 and 4:15 am,
Weird recording on phone as if I’d made the call
Other weird phone experiences in one week
Days of computer refusing to open x 12
Portable door lock missing for days, then returned
BrainWave changed music while listening
BrainWave changed settings while listening
Found door lock off and doors unlocked
BrainWave turned itself on
Computer seeming remotely controlled, again
Loud engine heard overhead back and forth in night
Four financial sites hacked
Buzzed by two helicopters at night, tired and groggy all next day
Traffic with thrown cans constant all night in town
This “video” is for anyone who feels they need some gaps filled in in their understanding of MKULTRA-type mind control.
It’s actually an audio recording with text and photos as visuals – something to listen to while, perhaps, doing some other task – if you’re a busy person like me.
Very worthwhile overview! Thank you, Fiona. And thank you, Follower, who wrote with this link.
There is so much healing in bringing secrets into the light.
Well-written, well-delivered, with powerful visuals, without hyperbole or excess drama, documented, historical, contemporary, comprehensive in scope, covering efficiently all that can be covered in an hour, and covering it fairly, as far as I can say, as one who is a subject.
I’m so gratified to see the secret drama of my life brought into the light. So gratified.
Please watch and share.
It’s the time of the Revealing….
This is over 2 years old, but important info on a critical topic:
Of course, I could write a book on this year, but I don’t want to.
Instead, here is an exceedingly brief outline of the types of things, resulting in programming, I’ve lived through this year – including electronic, pharmaceutical, physical (including rape), phone, drone, computer, social sabotage, surveillance, and more. I extracted them from my year’s daily journals.
[In the middle of the year, I decided I had to get out of Silver City as fast as I could, and I sold my home below market and fled – only to land in a more precarious situation. (The advice on “Targeted Individuals 101” says to not let Them force you from your home, but I didn’t read that in time, and I did lose my home.) I am now floating from place to place in a travel trailer, with a few friends who understand my situation.]
Here’s the super-brief list of my year’s anomalies:
electronic tones and feelings of electronic harassment, ringing ears
scoop marks, injection bruises, puncture mark
sore feet, numb shoulder, wrenched back, all for no reason
apparent rapes (Jan, Feb, Sept , December at least), with anal/vaginal irritation, herpes
dissociation, not knowing who or where I am
cat also perceiving strange noises in house
“healer” sets me up for programming I remember, but not his message
hit by light beam from neighbor house to third eye -> severe ache
many events of amnesia, missing time, once 11 days in row
confusion, exhaustion, sickness, heart issues, can’t eat
disabling fear, for many days
sometimes energy too high to slow down or sleep
panic attacks, crying for days
computer remote controlled
weird phone calls and messages
social sabotage, acquaintances acting weird
feeling alter switches, doing stupid things, feeling confused
two lumps on thumb, no reason
portable door locks disappeared, then returned to same place
passcode book and flash drive disappeared and returned month later
four financial websites hacked in one day
psychic messages taunting “You’re already in; resistance is futile.”
feeling severely poisoned
efforts to sell on eBay begin well then are sabotaged repeatedly until I quit it
23 severe challenges piled on in a few days, lasting through September and October
acted like MK subject, totally trusting and stupid, when buying trailer – with many problems
drone delivers nauseating electronic vibration to my chest
neighbor’s vibration also nauseates
people/vehicles surveilling me obviously
friend seems to participate in things lost and other anomalies
BrainWave app acting on its own 3 times
amnesia event with days of exhaustion and water in ear
traffic harassment while camping and throwing of cans at trailer
radio turning itself on
apparent MK dog (!) visited, wouldn’t leave me or my front door, even under threat of violence
passcodes work, don’t work, work, don’t work
unnatural banging on my trailer roof, unable to look
obvious knocking on my window, not afraid but unable to look
trailer buzzed by 5-6 planes in a row, first very close
trailer buzzed by two helicopters, followed by incapacitation for day
altered state with instructions can’t remember
lost time with weird consequence while on highway
nights of weird noises in truck, incapacitated, couldn’t look out window
altered state with missing time, door found unlocked
altered state, received instructions, agreed, unable to remember
altered state while listening to other MK subject testimony online
Back in March, after one of the worst amnesic events of my life, I woke to see a face in the mirror I hardly recognized, so I took this photo to document it. Notice my face is slack and puffy, including my nose, and my left eye is turned inward.
Hoping for understanding and maybe help from my siblings (silly me), I sent them a long letter, explaining everything (edited for three days so as to be as concise and clear as possible), and ending with this photo. Between the three of them, I received back two sentences, apologizing that they couldn’t help me, or offering to counsel me in prayer. Devastated that no one in my family seemed to believe this harassment is real, I decided I had no choice but to sell my home and flee.
I’m doing fine most days, and most people who know me don’t know what I go through (or they don’t believe), and I even appear happy and healthy most days (when I go out), and I know people think I’m lazy or living on a secret fund because I “don’t work,” though they don’t know I’m going into debt every month. (When I’m well, I’m usually running to catch up on what I couldn’t do when I was not well, and so have very little time for anything before I’m hit with harassment again.)
I do hope to find work that I can do on my own time, and hope to find that time, and hopefully keep my finances above water – as soon as I make the next move, as this camping site is no longer available. It seems the harassers have a wealth of tricks to keep their targets always recovering, running, coping, but I still hope to find those slivers of time to make money.
Yes, I do have many days of wishing I was not alive, but mostly I am determined to rise above, to use this extraordinary challenge to connect with spiritual Help and lift my spirit and soul into some sort of transcendence beyond this Earthly harassment.
Thanks for reading and acknowledging this reality.
Prayers for help for us all.
When I purchased my used (7-year-old) travel trailer from RV City, the Owner and Sales Manager told me,“Everything has been gone over, and everything is in working order.” However:
1) They hadn’t even emptied the sewage tank – which was 2/3 full! (Insulting to discover on my first “dry camping” trip.)
2) Sewage and other tank sensors didn’t work
3) Stereo had a terrible hum when trying to play a CD, DVD, or USB
4) Hot water was impossible because a valve connecting the hot and cold water lines for draining had been left open
5) Shower had no water pressure, so water just ran down the hose
6) Range pan still had the previous owner’s food in it
7) Clothes bar was hung with screws too short (and no anchors) so that it fell down on first trip; when repaired, it was put up crooked
8) Kitchen cabinet door hinge was not attached fully and broke
9) One arm of the awning had a broken piece (potentially dangerous)
10) Sewer cap was so old it fell off during the first trip
11) Bumper caps were so old one fell off, and the sewer hose inside was lost
12) Breaker/fuse box door latch broken, so door fell open constantly
13) Battery was 5 years old, very weak, and had to be replaced
14) Straps on the battery boxes were both frayed beyond hilarity, and one had been cut so short it could not be reconnected once it was removed.
15) I had to ask repeatedly before I was given a generic manual on the trailer
16) Mattress was so bad that I (a small person) could feel the slats beneath
17) Tires were 9 years old – age at which they should be replaced, and they were mismatched
18) Roof seals were old, severely cracked, and needed to be redone
19) Toilet lost water pressure and wouldn’t flush
20) Wall at the head of the bed feels like it’ll fall when leaned against
21) Both propane lines look old, and one sprung a leak, but can’t be replaced because the hardware has been tightened so hard that the nuts flatten rather than move
22) Propane regulator leaks from one side to the other.
When I made my very first call to discuss the first 17 problems I’d found, I was treated to condescending dismissals, argument, and sarcastic questions.
When I brought in my trailer (twice) under their 15-day warranty, they saved toilet repairs for last, both times, requiring me to return – and because of the distance, each trip cost hundreds of dollars. It took three trips back to get most of the repairs made. Many were not.
Two problems I discovered after the 15 days they refused to address without payment, saying they’d “gone above and beyond” already for me.
I reported all these issues to the Better Business Bureau, which gave them two opportunities to respond. Both times, they and their PR folks were unable to defend a single one of my points. (It should hit the Tucson Better Business Bureau site soon if it hasn’t already.)
Tell me this is all just an accident – that this trailer, with only a few systems, would have so many things wrong with it. I assume it’s another harassment, part of being a “targeted individual,” draining away all my time and money for months (and it’s not over), pushing me for my whistle-blowing crimes, and insulting me by not even emptying (or maybe filling?) the sewage tank.
While waiting for my hitch to be put on, out of the blue, the owner and business manager asked me if I was a vegetarian (I used to be), with a face that said he hoped his humor didn’t show. I was dressed in my most conservative clothes, so I wondered whether he already knew all about me because he’d been working with my controllers.
You think I’m too fixated on targeting? Did I mention RV City sits right outside Fort Huachuca, the primary center of American military intelligence? (They’re hugely involved in mind control.) It only makes sense that the 30-year owner would be friends with those guys.
So why did I buy there? I knew it was a high possibility he could be in league with the kontrollers. I was not in a good state of mind, extremely not, actually, and people were telling me not to be so paranoid, so I tried. I went in there, and trusted people I should not have.
This trailer was exactly the highest price I was willing to pay and had all the elements I was looking for. And I hadn’t found anything close in two weeks of looking, and this one had all my requirements. So I assume the kontrollers put it together just for me, and used all the crappiest components they could find.
While waiting for my trailer hitch to be installed, I interrupted the technician to get something out of my truck with an apology. He responded, “Oh, no problem. You’re fun.” But I’d not been fun. I’d been sitting alone in the waiting room for hours and had hardly talked to him. I wondered even then if he was in on the joke.
I guess I needed a lesson to quit trying to please my friends by “being positive.” Life goes better when I acknowledge my reality.
Next: How The Solar Store in Tucson wired my trailer for my new photovoltaic panels. Summary: After almost two months, and three trips involving five days, I’m still waiting for the system to be made functional. It’s all the more shocking because the owner is a former colleague on the activist/progressive business front in Tucson. Was she told something terrible about me and has also joined in my harassment?
Sorry about this one too:
I don’t keep up with all the news i this subject – don’t have the energy – so I just learned that Ted Gunderson was poisoned two years ago.
So sorry to pass this along, but it’s well documented:
I have been extremely ambivalent about talking publicly about MY mind control. I came to understand it in 2002, and only gained control of my fear by documenting my actual experiences daily and comparing them to the documentation of researchers, therapists and other mind control subjects which has been gathered for decades – confirming that I have, indeed, been the victim of this crime for my entire life.
I have not reported it to police because they are often in on it, and my first attempt to report a stalker at my home in 2000 was met with ridicule and absolute denial by the local sheriff despite physical evidence. I have reported my mysterious wounds to at least a half-dozen medical personnel, presenting both photographs and my own body for their inspection, and they – who have the legal professional duty to report crimes like this to the police – also seem afraid, and none has ever mentioned the possibility that this should be reported.
I have had my home broken into, a portable door lock broken the second day it was used. I have woken with Taser burns on my arms, burns other places on my body, injection bruises (twice a week for over a year), “donut” bruises, biopsy scoop marks, vaginal lacerations and punctures, other sexual irritations indicating rape, apparent “implants,” and much more (photos elsewhere on this site).
These physical wounds are almost always accompanied by extreme exhaustion and disability that can last from 1 to 13 days. And the frequency was increasing until very recently. Occasionally I’ve been apparently left alone for a few months, but for most of the last six years (since I produced a video about my mind control), I’ve been harassed in the night (and sometimes the day) and made amnesic about it almost every month, usually multiple times every month, resulting the past year in about 15 days per month with symptoms – until this month. Maybe I’m just getting a break? Maybe it’s over? I never know.
There seems to be a pattern of choosing people for mind control from certain families. My family lineage includes Masons, Mormons, military, and people associated with the government – common among MK subjects, though we’re not exclusive. I had two years of amnesia from age 6 to 8, like many other MK subjects report, and my family moved into a large custom home shortly after my amnesia ended, and many subjects report their parents were rewarded with big homes for having enrolled their children in a program promised to make them “special.”
The purposes of MK are pretty much what you see in futuristic sci-fi: super soldiers and sex slaves, spies and couriers. The evidence of my life is that I was trained and used for sex slavery, spying, and maybe more. Once, when faced with a crazy man trying to break through my front door, I found myself responding as though I had the skill to kill someone with a knife in a single movement; I described all my actions and thoughts to a double-black belt, and he said I sounded like one who knew exactly how to kill. And once when falling, I found myself performing a perfect tuck and roll and came up running as though I’d been trained in martial arts. I have amnesia for many summer vacations, and many other amnesic episodes, so I suspect this is when some of my training occurred beyond those initial two years.
What I’ve described is often called MKULTRA, but I’ve often written that everyone in America is subject to “MK Lite” – via television, movies, education, “news,” and other entertainments. I know a woman who was MK’d in the military, another MK’d since childhood to be a super soldier, and I know of women and men who’ve spoken out and been apparently murdered, though sometimes it was made to look like suicide.
This is a very frightening arena to find myself in, especially as an activist who’s made it her life work to speak out against injustice. I just never knew I’d ever need to speak out for myself, and this has been by far the hardest, and I’ve done the poorest job on this. Because of fear. Fear that I could be murdered. And fear that they’ll increase the punishment next time they come for me. Already, they’ve made it impossible for me work, not only by disabling me so regularly, but by sabotaging me socially with lies spread about I don’t know what – something that makes large groups of friendly acquaintances suddenly shun me and destroy my chances of working for a living. It’s for this reason I was forced to sell my home and drastically downsize my entire life to live in 120 square feet that is all I can afford now. And many MK subjects report the same forcing into poverty so our choices, and ability to protect ourselves, are drastically limited.
So why am I speaking out again now? Because people have questioned my interest in the Trump women’s sexualized photographs now circulating on the Internet. Friends have suggested the photos are irrelevant, but I suggest that they are very relevant to a huge, hidden, organized crime residing in our nation’s capitol, which some people are naively hoping Trump will clean up, but I sense he’ll only expand it, and his women are the first step in normalizing the signs and signals that might otherwise alert us.
Our nation’s capitol is rife with mind control and sexual slavery right now. The “Senate page scandal” of the 80s revealed one small aspect of a huge criminal network. Then the door quietly closed, and everyone was left to believe the problem was cleaned up, but it is NOT. It continues to this day with many sexual slaves on duty against their will, entertaining, spying, blackmailing, destroying people’s lives, sometimes murdering. You wonder why our Congress makes such bad decisions? You think they’re stupid? I absolutely believe they are simply crushed between calculated rocks and hard places, doing what they need to do so they and their families will not be destroyed.
I did not vote for Trump, but I agree with his sentiment that we need to drain the swamp. But I think it’s a much bigger job than Trump can do, and I don’t believe Trump even would if he understood. But maybe he understands completely and is just playing a new game on the populace. He requires all the women around him, even secretaries, be “beautiful” to his standard. Most frightening, the Trump women all look and speak like sexualized mind control subjects – and I think I’m one who knows.
My sincere concern is that he and his women are helping the average American to accept these sexualized images of silenced women as a worthy goal to aspire to. It’s as if the criminal MK operations of our nation, heretofore secret, are being given a “lite” preview to the nation in the limelight of a “popular” man, these images of female sex and silence presented as normal or acceptable.
Few people recognize mind control. But I have lived a very unusual life, have lived and suffered with mind control, have done who-knows-what in amnesic states, but also risked my life occasionally to write and video blog about what I do know – and these women are the most blatant silent and sexualized women ever paraded before the American people in politics.
These women MIGHT have thought their sexual posing was their choice, but we don’t know that. We might choose to give them credit for making their own choices, and say their choices are not relevant to politics, but I believe these women are not acting of their own free will (whether MKULTRA or MK Lite), and their presence in the political arena today bodes ill for the future of women in our world.
It’s more than a national embarrassment. It’s a picture of women I pray, pray, pray does not get normalized. I posted photos of them on FB to remind people that this is debasing to women and there’s something here to think about.
I welcome your feedback.
Here’s the comment I wrote for this:
Excellent interview, James. Really appreciate your spare style and insightful questions.
Tom Montalk’s presentation is excellent too, also spare, clear, with examples that ring true with my experience. It’s a pleasure to find something new, not making me “wonder if,” but describing my own life in clear, succinct, and interesting terms. Thank you. You’ve done us all a favor.
You also give me hope. Your presentation helped me understand my situation more clearly, and that’s always good, generally. And you confirmed my attitude of ignoring certain experiences while responding to others strategically. I can take heart that I have developed some skills, and I see more clearly where I need strengthening. I’ll be telling my readers about this interview.
I just read the most perfect and succinct description of how I relate to the world.
By Story, from:
I am a spirit-seer; I cross between realities to learn the unknowable and befriend wondrous beings, for even the most powerful benefit from my humble blessings. I transcend time and space to see that which cannot be seen, and find my way through the darkest of places. I dance between contradictions and surrender myself to paradoxes. I know the physical and the imaginary are of equal value. I commune with the universe and feel the infinite connections running through it.
I am everything and nothing; simultaneously infinitely meaningful and infinitely meaningless. I give and take; I bless and am blessed. And in the end I am simply human, trying to live up to my potential.
I’m not a big fan of this radio style, but this is a good interview with good information about this subset of mind control harassment.
I’ve been experiencing this for a long time. If anyone else has, you’re welcome to contact me for advice.
For a lot of years, I’ve been grateful to discover books and movies that convey any sense of the strangeness of my life. I found small bits in Whitley Strieber’s Communion and other stories, The Secret School, in particular. Even Men in Black had elements that affirmed some of my weird life experiences. A couple of years ago, one of my college students told me about the Bourne Identity, and I was more deeply moved again, perhaps with hope that one day people will be able to look at the reality that some of us are early experiments, were severely messed with, are still being messed with, and it’s a torment, sometimes life threatening, giving me at least one heart attack, and years of panic attacks, grief and despair over my past, and my present, and my future.
For fourteen years, I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions: gratitude for finally understanding my life and knowing I have the spiritual resources to continue the crippling life I’ve been given with love and purpose, determination to speak my truth, despite physical and emotional sickness from the controllers’ pushback, usually in the form of electronic harassment and social sabotage, and fear that the bruises and burns on my body, and sexual wounds, means that something else is going on that I’m amnesic for, and for which my roller coaster continues: panic, depression, hopelessness, isolation, rest, stillness, recovery, determination to take care of feeding myself and paying the bills while healing, with hope, and back to gratitude – for how long, I wonder, till I’m “hit” again.
I’m surprised to see these words I’ve written. They’re totally true, but the picture seems pathetic when I imagine someone else reading them, like I’m a bug in a can, pushing itself for days against the metal side, determined but futile until it dies: continued hope where there seems to be no reason. But I have reasons.
For one, I might be wrong about my interpretation of all this. Second, maybe there’s a spiritual way to rise above it, maybe even it could be the tool of my consciousness transformation. Finally, there seem to be beings on some dimension, maybe my spiritual helpers, or maybe my controllers using technology that only feels “spiritual,” who sometimes heal me in seconds with a download of energy from who knows where. I can go from too sick to lift a glass to my mouth to standing, stretching, happy, launching into my most productive state in a matter of five seconds.
Other times it feels like less of a healing and more of a lifting of oppression – electronically. One night, I fell heavily into bed after many days of being too tired to feed myself properly, and crashed immediately. One hour later, I woke up with a start, and a feeling of amazement and gratitude – and the distinct sense that someone had turned a dial and relieved me of some vibration that had been targeting and oppressing me for days. Like a heavy weight had been lifted off me while I slept, and the relief was welcome but so surprising it woke me out of a deepest sleep.
Those of us who’ve angered the Powers that Be, I believe, are probably semi-retired from our MK work when we get my age, except for upkeep and maintenance, but we’ve also been turned over to others who need guinea pigs for various sorts of testing, which explains the wide range of wounds I’ve recorded over the years. I’ve woken with a fully-healed surgical scar, unusually fine and straight, on my neck, which years later a nurse would assume was a scar from thyroid surgery, which I haven’t had, to my knowledge. Countless other healed white scars have appeared on my hands for years – something other targeted individuals have also recorded. I’ve woken with Taser burns, other third-degree burns, donut-shaped bruises, injection bruises (or so they appeared, twice a week for over a year), biopsy scoop marks, puncture wounds, deep lacerations inside my vagina, and more – all recorded and photographed – including the interior ones, thanks to a professional photographer lover. And these wounds attend days or weeks of severe exhaustion and disability, which when I recover burden me to catch up with everything I didn’t do for those days or weeks – before I can even think about whether to try to make a living again.
These past five years have been the worst, and each year has been more intense than the last – interfering seriously with all my attempts to make a living – which is why I’m leaving my home and community, to go where I hope to live cheaply on my Social Security, all I have. Some people theorize that we’re more than just guinea pigs, that our unwilling enrollment is part of a larger program with the purpose of punishing us in many, many ways for our political work, depressing our energy, and discrediting us and all we might have to say. Yes, silencing political dissidents – though I thought I was just exercising my American Right of Free Speech, to make my country proud. I guess that was all a big lie.
So I’m watching a lot of Limitless these days, satisfied to see a slight semblance of my life concerns dramatized for all the world to see: the government controlling one’s life, threatening one’s life, even though it’s sometimes amazing “fun.” I related to the main character’s fast brain, the conversations he has with various parts of himself, and the overwhelming distraction that can be as well as a wealth of information, full perspective, and creative solutions – when things are going well. The imagined good purpose in being a pioneer in supposedly America’s and the Earth’s future. Family members not believing or understanding, and distrusting whatever the character/I say. The danger, the wounds, the constant spiritual challenge, strange people suddenly entering your life with the power to drag you in regardless of your desire.
Lately, I’ve been talking to the walls, telling the people I presume are listening in to my home (there are clear and abundant signs they are listening) that I’m trying hard to lighten up on my assumption that they are evil, Satanic, pedophile perverts (an idea most of us accept at some point, though it’s almost too terrifying to live with) and see if instead I can imagine my tormenters as really just working for a non-human Creator who doesn’t realize his efforts to control the minds of his people with root-chakra shock and related techniques is so traumatic that he’s destroying our potential, or nearly, at least for me. And I wonder if I should simply be communicating my needs better, as if the non-human controller can’t read my distress and despair otherwise. So I’ve been talking with a little less anger and fewer F-word denunciations.
To my surprise, two of the last three nights I was treated to a download of healing energy. I actually woke in the night after only one hour sleep with the shocking realization that I felt good – so good, so surprisingly good, that it woke me up after only one hour of sleep.
Maybe I shouldn’t publish this; maybe it was someone taking sympathy, and that person might get in trouble for the kindness given me. Or maybe it’s my controllers making sure I’m healthy enough to keep living for their secret purposes. I don’t know.
It’s a bitch to live your life and just never know the source of the weird shit that keeps happening behind the scenes, but with results left as wounds and scars on my body, telling me that something is definitely happening. And that’s where my life is far less blessed than Finch’s in Limitless. But I’ll keep watching. It’s something to make me feel less alone in this F-ing weirdness.
And now and then I recognize some ability I have, like brainstorming with a crew of very talented parts inside myself, that might have been nurtured and developed as part of my MK training, and I feel a tiny bit hopeful. It may be rather late in life (age 64) to think I might be any more significant use to myself or others, at least from this pit I’ve sunk into these recent years, but we gotta take hope where we can get it. Right?
Alright, now, back to the world, grateful and happy to be able to function! I can do it pretty well between their “hits,” given appropriate recovery time. I’m grateful to be in recovery space again. Getting things done, taking care of life successfully, and watching Limitless when I need a break. Crazy world….
Since the beginning of history, child sexual abuse* has been fundamental to mind control. Consider: harems, geishas, and CIA Presidential models – all involved girls and boys trained from youth in sexual servitude to the rulers and their courts.
The masses were invited in with the invention of photography – and porn was born.
Today, the Internet has facilitated a custom-tailored desensitization/addiction process for any person who’s dipped their toe into the waters of Internet pornography, so that the number of porn viewers has exploded worldwide (it may be one of the world’s largest industries), at the same time the abuse has become more and more violent and degrading, and the victims have become younger and younger.
Is this an accident of human weakness that no one saw coming or knows how to address? Or was it planned and carried out by a conspiracy of industrialists, creating a marketable quantity of addicted servants? Or …?
Here are the facts in Canada. Is there an equivalent in the U.S. Anyone? (I’m tired today.)
* By torturing a child in their sexual center – their root chakra – their soul, spirit, or energetic field is split, open to whatever the controller wants to insert, deep beneath conscious understanding.
I am mostly unfamiliar with the trucking industry, but as a mind control subject, I know how “easily” this $150 Billion industry ifunctions – and what the result is:
It’s satisfying to hear the FBI agent talk about how wrong this is, but the reality is they are going after only the “lower class” pimps and customers – and I pray they’ll one day go after the “high class” mind control pimps (psychiatrists, psychologists, politicians, etc) and help free their slaves as well.
The phone number in the text accompanying the video is incomplete; it is 1-888-373-7888.
Their site: https://traffickingresourcecenter.org/
Useful for partners ~
So you care deeply about someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder. There was something wonderful about them that drew you to them, and something trustworthy about you that drew them to you.
Beautiful as that may be, you are probably confused about all the dissociative issues that happen day-to-day.
Have you ever wondered why that happens, or why this happens?
Have you ever felt confused with the different behaviors you see coming from your dissociative partner?
Have you wondered how do you live with someone with a Dissociative Disorder?
I have some ideas. Start with these things:
1.Gain an understanding of what DID is.
There is a wealth of information available to learn about DID and all Dissociative Disorders. Your loved one will not be able to explain everything to you, nor do they need to do that, nor will the pressure to explain everything to you be…
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Here’s a post for readers involved in cult abuse ~
Great summary article for those new to Electromagnetic Harassment, Targeted Individuals, etc.
by Ramola D/The Everyday Concerned Citizen/Posted June 13, 2016
Increasing numbers of highly credible and educated individuals, both in the US and globally, have been coming forward to report electronic harassment—physically measurable assaults on their bodies and brains with remote-controlled radiation weapons or directed-energy weapons, covertly-installed RFID and Bio-MEM implants, as well as COINTELPRO-style organized stalking and mobbing in their neighborhoods and communities.
Scientists have stepped in to validate these reports, including an Artificial Intelligence (AI) and Cybernetics expert, Dr. Robert Duncan, who reports working for the Department of Defense and the CIA on AI and neuroscience projects which seek to electronically stimulate and rewire human brains. He points to the CIA’s MKULTRA and Monarch Programming techniques which used LSD and torture to reprogram personalities as precursor to current-day covert brain experiments and classified-research field testing of weapons.
Barrie Trower, a microwave weapons expert who worked for the UK…
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And here’s another from Story, perhaps more to the point, reposted from https://wherespiritstops.wordpress.com/2016/06/09/doing-the-work-of-healing/:
One of the most difficult lessons in acceptance lies in the fact that we encounter situations that may not have been our fault (like a car crash) but which have consequences that require us to do painful, difficult work (like physiotherapy for injuries) in order to get through the experience and ultimately overcome it.
Any lack of acceptance of this fact will leave one stranded and stuck in one’s own life journey, asking why me? and protesting that this isn’t fair. Of course, this attitude doesn’t accomplish anything except to prolong and potentially exacerbate the problem at hand.
The work we are required to do in life never ends; in fact, life has a funny way of finding something for us to do if we have too much stagnant time on our hands. But one can easily find ways to avoid doing the work, especially when it comes to healing one’s own soul from past hurts. This is the most important work we can do for ourselves and the potential for growth, renewal, and reward is exhilarating.
Yet all too often we resist. Because it doesn’t seem fair that we should have to do the work, and perhaps because we fear both how hard it will be, and also how much responsibility for our life we will be claiming as our own. After all, if we believe we can’t heal ourselves, then it’s not our own fault that we’re unhappy, right?
It is terrifying to accept full responsibility for our physical and spiritual lives, and many people are devotedly determined to avoid that responsibility. By claiming responsibility for our own lives, we have the potential to create our own present and future selves in ways that, when we were stuck in our pasts, we could not have imagined. Unfortunately, this thrilling truth is overshadowed by our fear of failure, because if we are solely responsible for our own healing and growth, any sense of failure leaves us with nothing to blame but ourselves.
What if I told you – what if I outright promised you – that you have the power to dream yourself into a new state of being simply through faith and doing the work? What if I told you that by surrendering to your own responsibilities you could actuallyguarantee a better, happier, healthier, more fulfilling and infinitely free life for yourself? And, you can’t fail. You’ll make mistakes and life will still throw things at you that you’ll have to figure out how to handle. But if you are doing the work, you can’t actually fail at all. It’s a win-win situation where what you’re really doing is claiming your soul’s purpose and living for it.
The only thing you have to do is surrender to the fact that you are responsible for your own life’s happiness and achievement. After that, you will be comforted to know that there is little else to surrender yourself to.
I am writing to you as a survivor of abuse of every sort, beginning as early as I can possibly remember. As a result of this, I suffered a multitude of symptoms of various mental disorders – PTSD, social anxiety, eating disorders, depression, self-harm, and extreme dissociation. I experienced constant body memories, a type of somatic pain that could be excruciating, as if the past abuse was happening in the present moment. I came to identify as a multiple, meaning that I knew my soul was fractured into countless pieces due to the trauma I experienced. The wounds and consequences of my past gripped me in an iron fist of pain and fear and a complete lack of personal power or hope.
I thought I was broken and couldn’t be fixed. I could not recall a time when I had ever felt whole and sane and strong. But by taking complete responsibility for working my own healing, by definition I also claimed all the power over it and am now achieving more than I could have ever dreamed possible.
In the last six months especially, I have been freed from almost every debilitating symptom that I used to experience daily. I’ve been doing hard, relentless work, every single day. It’s not an easy road, but it is my road and to give up healing would be to give up my own personal power.
The most instrumental concepts behind my work towards healing can be summed up in two statements: 1) I am not morally responsible for anything that happened during the years of my abuse, due to the young age at which it began and the way I was kept controlled. 2) I am completely responsible (both causally and morally) for my soul’s purpose now.
To me, it is a simple fact that nothing that happened to me throughout my childhood, and even into my adulthood, was my fault. I did not deserve the abuse I suffered. Further, I had no choice and no freedom during that period of my life, being as much a captive as anyone can be. You can’t blame a prisoner of war for things she was forced to do by her captors under threat of death. I did a lot of unpleasant things under force, and those things aren’t my fault either.
Is it fair that these things happened to me, or that the work I have done has been so difficult, even deeply unpleasant? I don’t think in those terms. I might as well ask if it is fair that my heart must continue beating on and on without rest.
The heart beats because it is the work and purpose of the heart’s existence. Likewise, I heal because it is my soul’s purpose to do so, at least in part.
I believe I can achieve a complete transformation of my body, mind and soul — simply because no one else can do it for me. This is my life’s work, and I accept it with grace and gratitude.
reposted from: https://wherespiritstops.wordpress.com/2016/06/10/shamanic-soul-loss-and-soul-retrieval/#like-3960
Even though I’ve voiced my occasional discomfort with “shamanism,” it is not (or no longer) with the actual practice and life associated with the term. My discomfort is mostly with the casual way that some people approach and undertake methodologies (all the colorful tools, for instance) without understanding the intelligence and energies.
This blog seems to respect the reality better than most – by Story from Where Spirit Stops:
Life takes energy from us violently and traumatically at times. Why this happens is a human question that no human answer will really satisfy. Suffice it to say that suffering affects us all, and when it does, a piece of our personal energy – a piece of our soul – can be severed off from us. We experience this as a piece of ourselves going missing. Losing pieces of ourselves chips away at our power and truth, as well as keeping us from any real healing until the parts are recovered.
For this reason, I advocate a “search and rescue” approach. This means actively seeking our lost parts and working to heal them. I believe it is nearly impossible to get through life without some kind of soul loss, and that people can suffer from deep, crippling soul loss even if they haven’t experienced what they would define as a traumatic event. Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes, and our reactions to events vary from person to person. Also, since I believe a traumatic event can cause soul loss, it follows that until that soul part is found, healed, and re-integrated into the self, one’s memory of that part’s trauma may also be obscured or lost.
How can you know the extent of your soul loss? Consider how you relate to the following symptoms:
- Constant feelings of sorrow, darkness, or fear
- A driving need for distraction (addiction issues, materialism, avoiding alone time)
- Feelings of having no purpose or reason to live
- Lingering, haunting pain from old memories
- Feeling that something is very wrong with you
- Symptoms of PTSD (anxiety, depression, hyper vigilance, fear, avoidance of life’s activities), even if you don’t remember a past traumatic event
It is likely that the more you relate to these symptoms, the greater your soul loss is.
Shamanic practitioners who practice soul retrieval might offer instant relief from your suffering and require only faith from the sufferer. I believe that healing and other magic require both faith and action. A practitioner ought not to merely tell someone about the soul part(s) they retrieved, but help that person connect with them personally. As I mentioned, my way of healing advocates “search and rescue” first. I believe finding and building a healing relationship with your lost soul parts is more important than trying to integrate them into yourself immediately. Finding a missing part is the first step towards healing, and beyond that, it’s best not to push. You might end up pushing the lost part away without realizing it. Instead, build a relationship with this soul part just as you would with a spirit guide, and strive to be as honest with yourself as possible.
Story is a shamanic practitioner, offering her services. I have done and do the same occasionally. I encourage everyone, though, to never put yourself passively into anyone else’s care, even or especially doctors; you are responsible for your own healing – though getting help is often essential – and learning that self-responsibility is not just the most important thing in our lives, but essential to our soul’s development.
Today, I’m stronger than ever for having accepted the responsibility of healing myself from the shit that others did to me when I was an innocent child. I do believe that even that shit can be the trigger that leads to my soul’s eventual positive evolution. And much of my work is exactly what Story describes. She wrote about it better than I ever have. Thank you, Story.
I just discovered this from July 2015 – a woman who tells a story with many, many similarities to mine which I’ve never heard before. Still listening, but had to type this quick note to you….
“In all, the agency [CIA] conducted 149 separate mind-control experiments, and as many as 25 involved unwitting subjects. At least one participant died, others went mad, and still others suffered psychological damage after participating in the project, known as MK Ultra. The C.I.A. … deliberately destroyed most of the MKUltra records in 1973.” ~~ New York Times article on CIA’s secret behavior modification program
Of course, this is old news – July 1977 – published in the New York Times – http://query.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=9900EEDD153DE034BC4951DFB166838C669EDE
– recently revisited by my colleague Fred Burks, of PEERS.
His excellent website – and specifically a page devoted to America’s pursuit of mind control – is here: http://www.wanttoknow.info/mk/behavior-modification-news-articles, with numerous articles from mainstream American publications revealing what Americans would rather pretend doesn’t exist. Thanks, Fred!
I want to describe my experience with brain entrainment – which I called “training wheels” for developing greater consciousness of my mental processes.
First, I liked the BrainWave app, found it very soothing and hopefully protective. On evening three, however, while sitting in bed at night, I had the distinct impression that the steady entrainment frequency (which I was using for a vague sense of “protection”) could also be used to slip programming into me by matching the frequency as a carrier wave – and might be doing it right then – there seemed to be some sort of interference coming through!
Immediately, I removed my ear buds and replaced the entrainment frequency app with simple calming music of my choice, figuring that it would be harder for anyone to hide programming inside the ever changing music. Then I began using music for a big portion of each day after that – which is something I haven’t done much of throughout my life. (Most of my life, I’ve valued silence and the thoughts of my own mind which I haven’t wanted distracted or overridden by others’ ideas and sounds.)
The new habit of listening to music during the day – music chosen to make me calm and happy – caused me to realize that sometimes my own thoughts – especially when I focus on the mind control – can become toxic! My Own Thoughts weren’t the pure source I’d always thought they were. And music, carefully chosen, could put me on a better path – or at least I was willing to try it. And surprise, surprise, I found myself maintaining a better mood and attitude!
Now, I apologize if this is a no-brainer for some of you who’ve always used music that way, but it’s new for me, and it caused me to realize that entrainment might be thought of as more than just the adaptation of the brain to a particular frequency, but also the adaptation of the brain to a general idea, which it can then magnify, repeat, resonate with, and even amplify. And if the general trend is negative, it can be interrupted better with music than with my own best intentions. Surprising discovery
So the exercise of trying out the BrainWave brain entrainment app allowed me to think about, feel, and experience, the dramatic effects of a frequency calming my mind, and a frequency threatening my mind (it seemed), and then I could also consider the experience of entraining to an idea with just with my own mental habits, which might be problematic, even with our best intentions, probably due to mind control, but also possibly just a human fact.
For the last few days, I haven’t used the app, but I feel far more aware now of the state of my mind and my ability to change it with either intention or technology.
I hope this encourages readers to consider their own mental patterns, disciplines, and ways to moderate and protect their mental states. While technology may seem like a sort of dependence, it was a good awakening experience, helping me toward natural processes, with new awareness of technological and non-technological possibilities.
I realized a year or two ago that my site here and on YouTube both reflect the parts of me that are most angry and afraid and identify as activists; whereas the parts of me that go on with life, keep contributing, making art, being a friend, etc. aren’t as interested in writing about the good parts of my life – they just want to live and catch up on missed time – so my websites don’t reflect the whole of me, only the negative sides.
So, this is my first success in sitting down with my happy alter out to give balance to my story. Posted just yesterday.
Now, today I feel pretty bad again – for the firs time in a while – having a hard time expanding my lungs to take deeper breaths, so I’m breathing shallowly and don’t have much energy. And in a half hour I’ll arrive for my first day at work on a new job. Breathe. Breathe. Breath. It’ll all be okay.
I hope every reader here will visit and follow my sister site about natural and spiritual healing from mind control and other traumas. I’m feeling a shift in which I will write less and less here, and more and more there.
Here is my most recent post on MK Garden Healing / Garden Healing Church:
Here’s the second two two-page spreads of this recommended book:
This book by Dr. John Hall, M.D., is very satisfying well-documented. I’m only one-third of the way through, but already, I’ve felt compelled to scan a few pages to share with a few folks and my readers here.
You’ll see on page 45 references to a Department of Justice published survey in which they found complaints “legitimate enough to be included” resulted in an estimate that 3.4 million people in 2008 were victims of stalking, and another 2.4 million were victims of harassment. Of those 5.8 million, 6% of them (348,000 people) suffered electronic monitoring, and 130,000 reported losing their jobs because of it.
On page 44 Hall comments on medical doctors and their probably-false but consistent conclusions of “delusion” – even though their industry is well-documented to have been at the forefront of and still involved with engineering this technology.
On page 46, a Centers for Disease Control study found that single individuals are more often attacked that those living as a couple, while the American Journal of Preventative Medicine found women by far the most targeted (7 out of 9). On page 47, surveys found a high percentage included sexual assaults.
Page 46: Several studies found that law enforcement is useless and might make things worse.
Pages 49-51: The FBI / COINTELPRO history of organized stalking began in our very own government’s intelligence agencies, and the Senate investigation in 1976 unearthed it but apparently couldn’t stop it.
Here are a few pages.
I recommend the book, obviously, and suggest you ALWAYS avoid Amazon for your book purchases, and begin instead with addall.com, which includes Amazon, but allows you to compare prices of independent booksellers.
I recommend the book, obviously, and suggest you ALWAYS avoid Amazon for your book purchases, and begin instead with addall.com, which includes Amazon, but allows you to compare prices of independent booksellers.
I’ll have to post the second two pages separately, as this post keeps dropping one when I try to add another. ???
Eve Lorgen, author and counselor for those with “anomalous trauma,” offers an online support group now and then.
I’ve always been too afraid to participate, afraid that my stuff was too different, or that I might distrust people in the group, or it wouldn’t do me any good.
Today was the first day I participated in one, and I’m pleased I did.
Coincidentally, I had listened to a radio interview with Dr. John Hall, MD, about electronic harassment of targeted individuals (which fits the patter of my last 14 years), in which he mentioned the BrainWave binaural brain entrainment system (whopping price of $3.99, an app on iTunes).
I tried it out and had an immediate relaxation response, as if something electrically depressing had been cancelled or dampened. So I’ve been wearing earbuds now fairly frequently for two and a half days.
(I’m not crazy about the idea of using technology to protect myself – I’d assumed spiritual protection would be all, but I’ve failed and have felt close to death a great deal this last year. So I’m happy to accept this technological crutch and am thinking of it as a metaphor, that perhaps I might emulate psychically.)
These two and a half days since feeding simple frequencies into my ear canals, I’ve had impressive energy, a positive mood, and focus enough to finish an important task I had not been able to focus on for a year. Of course, maybe it’s just how I would have felt anyway, but I’m going to give them a thumbs up.
So, feeling stronger than I have in a long time, I took a job application I’d filled out last December to the business this morning, and was offered a job in the afternoon – for two workdays, just as I wanted, and exactly the situation I asked for. Law of Attraction? Working for me??
We know that sometimes everything can seem go against us at once, so it’s good to remember that sometimes everything can go for us too. And then it’s time to be grateful and go with it.
I’ll talk about other good stuff happening in my next post.
I’ve been a victim of “gang stalking” since at least 2002, when I did media work for the historic “Judi Bari v FBI” trial (about a car-bomb assassination attempt – feds guilty). Or it was the year that the stalking amped up. It would become so intense, it would eventually drive me from my home. Too bad, because word is that moving doesn’t stop it.
Victims of gang stalking are called “Targeted Individuals” or “TI’s,” and they become targets in a wide variety of ways. Some are randomly selected, selected for convenience, but most TI’s have insulted the status quo in some way – or they are mind control subjects or subjects of other military/intelligence experiments.
Targets experience all sorts of physical and emotional harassment. Lies spread in one’s community is common, as I wrote about in my blog, “Disinformation.” Clever discrediting, strangers acting hostilely and bizarrely in public toward the victim, timed synchronistically, compounding the impact, orchestrations that are hard to believe – thankfully, these have been minor for me. Worst is the electronic and medical harassment that leaves one with ears ringing, Taser burns, and more.
It’s an ugly, Top Secret project, supported with the most advanced technology, used to punish political dissidents or anyone whom someone in authority takes a hating to. It’s used to groom society, punish those on the edges. It’s experimental. It’s brain warfare. It’s too much money and too little accountability. It’s human nature at it’s worst. And it’s real. Thousands of people are reporting the same sort of bizarre events, technological experiences, delivered in very similar ways.
My gang stalking has been a little different than most commonly reported, in some ways more refined than much of what I read (but not always), and I think that might be due to the sort of mind control program I was enrolled in as a child. I believe my Eisenhower lineage has afforded me a bit of protection within a very dangerous project I never wittingly or willingly chose.
In recent years, I’ve been mind controlled, while fully conscious of what was happening, but unable to stop it, to let a man destroy my computer. I’ve been controlled to have sex with a man who revolted me (thankfully, only once while conscious). I’ve woken up with all the signs of having been gang raped. I’ve gone to sleep fine, then woken with third-degree Taser burns, injection bruises, biopsy
scoop marks, “donut bruises,” wrenched back and other pains for no reason, and absolute exhaustion also for no reason.
I’ve been woken by tones in my head, I’ve fallen asleep with tones. My house has been bombarded by extremely loud ultra-low frequencies. And my portable door lock was broken the first night I installed it for protection. I’ve had videos transmitted to my head, once two videos transmitted on top of each other – very interesting.
Most of the time, the gang seems to know my schedule and they time “hits” mostly when it won’t ruin my life, but once a series over a course of 4 months did change my life. And it followed another series of events that happened when I went to the Lama Foundation Community outside Taos for a Permaculture Design course in the summer of 2013. It seems someone didn’t want me to do this work.
Those two series of events – at and after Lama – which I’ll describe in a moment – would be typical gang stalking. But one event at Lama went far beyond. It seemed to mimic an ET abduction.
Now, I know that a few people who’ve long talked about aliens have begun to say it’s all disinformation, meant to discredit. I don’t think so. I know that a lot of sincere people, like myself, have been subject to experiences, all sharing similar themes, that have been interpreted as alien contact. Still, I’d write them off as high-tech illusions in a minute, except that these experiences have been described since the beginning of time and across every culture on the planet. Contemporary America’s scorn of “aliens” is unique in the history of the planet. So, unless we want to call everything an illusion, as in the Matrix or some Hindu thought, I believe aliens are real and not just illusion.
I had my first totally-classic stop on the highway by an incredible brilliant white light back in 2000, and things picked up slowly after that. I also began having shamanic experiences, and was happy and honored to be experiencing the numinous dimensions of our cosmos. Frightening parts I tried to learn from, as part of the initiation. Indeed, I soon learned that an African shaman described aliens identical to the classic ones described today – though I’ve never seen that type as I remember – but it gave me comfort that I was in a long-established, understood (outside America) realm of humanity interacting with other dimensions.
After I did six weeks of media work at the “Judi Bari v FBI” trial, my admittedly-unusual life has never been the same. I believe the feds put me on a shit list.
My treatment quickly became so terrifying that suicide was in my journals and thoughts every day for the six months following the trial, less often after that, but the idea never left me until last summer when I finally realized I’m philosophically opposed to it for one simple reason: I might not fully understand what’s going on (after all, there’s much going on in other realms that we can’t see), and it might not be as bad as it seems.
So, for the last year, when I’ve been the most harassed, I’ve only wished to die, prayed to die, thought I was going to die, had heart problems, had at least one heart attack, and wondered if the gang would eventually kill me. But I never any more think about killing myself.
Some activists on the subject say the Gang hopes to drive us to kill ourselves or kill someone else, and only rarely do they kill a Target – but they make it look like a suicide if they do. (So don’t be fooled.)
In the spring of 2013, I completed 6 months of work I’d done to qualify for a small grant to start a business. I really needed to do something new, get away from the computer which I’d worked on since 1986. I’d been studying, teaching and practicing Permaculture since 1989, and I wondered why’d I’d been afraid of it before. It seemed too “good” for me, too wonderful to replant my life into Nature; I’d been sacrificing all my life, and now I was going to give myself something Good. A new late-life career, and perfect one. I sent in a check for a major chunk of my money and drove away to attend my second Permaculture Design Course being offered at the Lama Foundation community. I was in love already with the vision, the strangers I’d soon meet who’d love design the way I do, who like their hands on living things, who can imagine a new way of living on Earth.
The first night after dinner, we were notified that we were expected to help in the kitchen at least once during our 10 days, and I decided to get it out of the way immediately and worked that night. I was astounded to witness how filthy the kitchen was. It didn’t look like anyone there had any concept about state laws governing commercial kitchens. The large wooden cutting board had remnants of vegetables embedded in pizza sauce that looked to be a few days old, and everything sat on a layer of grease that could be scraped up in large strips if one was inclined. I leaned into it.
Some time later, many of us became ill with a Norovirus, and we all soon learned that the entire regular kitchen staff was sick with the virus and one of them had gone to the hospital. The kitchen crew we’d met were all stand-in’s, and no one had thought to clean the kitchen – and then they asked us to do it.
One of our group went to the hospital. One went home. And a few of us passed out in our tents, in and out of consciousness for a few days. Most shocking was that we seemed to have been forgotten. Those who didn’t get sick didn’t realize how very sick we were. Thankfully, someone brought a 5-gallon container of water for three of us to share. One person came and asked if any of us would like food, but when I said yes, a banana, he forgot and never returned; later I learned he’d gotten sick.
Our fevers, as we baked in our tents mid-day, would wake us up, we’d crawl out and get chilled, and that would wake us enough to stagger over to see if the others were okay, and one trip out that day would be all we’d accomplish. By day three we were walking again, sitting far from the others, in case we were still contagious, sipping soup and marveling at what we’d been through.
Between the kitchen work and the virus hitting, something else happened, but I don’t think it was related to the illness, because I’m the only person – I think – that it happened to. I woke in the middle of the night and tried to move my arms to get an elbow beneath me so I could reach with my other arm for water, but something prevented me from even moving my elbow. I woke more fully in alarm, discovering that my sleeping bag was somehow wrapped around me extremely tight. I thought I must have somehow lain on a doubled-over piece of the bag, so I tried to roll off of it, but when I rolled back and forth, the entire bag was wrapped tightly around me. Eventually, I rolled more and wiggled enough to get an arm out, and then the other, and discovered I was truly wrapped inside the bag, like someone had rolled me up in it.
Suppressing my alarm, I reached for my water, but it wasn’t there. Nothing was there. Not my journal, not my purse, nothing. Where was my stuff?! I wasn’t sideways in the tent. I was one-eighty. I turned and crawled to the other end, where I found my water and all my things. What had happened? I couldn’t have wrapped myself up like that. And how did I turn around one-eighty?
I’d had a number of alien experiences over the years, had heard the tales of people waking up in their yards or down the street, or in some night shirt they never saw before, so it wasn’t a difficult leap to conclude that this was another alien bungle, an escalation of weirdness on top of an awful lot of weirdness already. I slaked my thirst and fell back to sleep.
In the morning, I wondered if I could have done that to myself. If so, it would be a first and highly strange. I decided I wasn’t going to say anything about this to anyone. No, this was my new Permaculture life. I was leaving the crazy shit behind. (Yeah, I thought I was going to be an activist on the alien issue once, but I’d tired of that pretty quickly. No one wants to hear. And sometimes the craziness seemed to go away for long periods of time – not to say it had gone away, but I was trying to make it go away by ignoring it.) But here it was. Again. Shit. Invading my dream. I would pray on the way to breakfast, and get myself back into equanimity.
At breakfast, someone leaned forward and asked the group, “Hey, did anyone else hear the humming in the sky over the trees last night?” I gulped and my head popped up, and so did a few others. Two people reacted excitedly, and after them I said that I had too. No more than that. No one asked if anyone had any weird experiences, and I said nothing – until near the end of the course, and then just to three people when we carpooled to lunch one free day; they were all very “into” the subject. It gave me an outlet for a little storytelling, and made me feel not so alone in a crazy reality.
When the Noro virus hit after that, I never felt good again while at the course. After recovering, I sat in the back of the room for a few days, then rejoined the group in my old place and tried to concentrate on the instruction. But I was tired, very tired. The schedule of instruction, demonstrations, work, and movies at night filled every day, and I still needed to catch up on my sleep, and wasn’t sleeping that well, this 61-year old body on thin pads – not as fun as it was decades ago.
When others of our group got sick, and resentment grew for this “spiritual community” that chose not to tell us that an illness had made 30 people sick just before we arrived, and then sent their guests in, unawares, to clean the locus of the disease, we asked to hold a circle. The community representatives quickly copped to their guilt in pretty, practiced phrases around the circle, but seemed far more skilled at PR in cliches than actually caring about the people who were so severely affected. (I’d trained in all the communications skills modalities that they were emulating, and I used them too, mellow as any meditator, but I also called them on some of their word gamesmanship – politely of course.) For the rest of our stay, a few of us found ourselves the subject of sudden silence when we’d come around a corner or enter a room.
Besides the many days of pain and suffering, the toll it took on our health, and now this emotional insult on top, we’d all paid (I forget exactly) over $1,000 for 14 days’ teaching, and we’d each lost at least three days. And we hadn’t been able to eat any of the food (for which we’d pre-paid separately) for those three days, and could only eat small amounts of food for the next few. Those of us who got sickest thought it only made sense to ask for a refund of at least a portion of our food, but the community was indignant and refused. They even implied that we were slacking by not taking another tour in the kitchen.
One night, in a gesture of appeasement, they offered two of us a bed in the guest yurt – for free – so we could sleep more comfortably. I thanked them and accepted. That night, shortly after I’d retired, they fired up the hot tubs right outside the yurt and had a loud party with lots of whooping and laughter.
Since I’d moved all my things into the yurt, and the campground was a half-mile forest-walk away in the dark, I didn’t want to move, so at 10 pm I walked out and down the trail and around the yurt to let them know that someone was sleeping there. They apologized, promised to end the party, and then promptly began again as soon as I lay down my head. I enduring it for another half-hour, practiced breathing and praying, then talking to myself. I finally got up again to let them know, again, politely, that their noise was still keeping me from sleeping. They apologized again, made promises again, and then after I’d lain down, they returned to partying. Around midnight, as I was putting on my coat and leaving the yurt, someone spoke softly and everyone became quiet for the night.
I stood there wondering at the mindset of these people who’ve inherited, or taken over, a spiritual community – one I’d had such high expectations of, one that a friend of mine had done the first Permaculture design for decades ago, and other friends visit every year and wax poetic about. What had happened? I’ve come to accept that everything is infiltrated by the Dark. And spiritual communities, perhaps, especially. It only take a few people to drive the good ones away.
The next morning, I decided not to be cowed and asked for a meeting again with the stand-in director. Younger than me by thirty years, she sat upright, as in meditation, a mild smile on her lips. I told her about my experience in the yurt with the party, pretending it was simply youthful exuberance, a mistake, but I let her know I was still sleep-deprived and hurt by the inconsideration. She told me the party was a highly unusual one, that the tubs were “always” treated as sacred space, and usually there’s no speaking at all, and only whispering if speech is necessary. “I don’t know what happened last night,” she told me with innocent eyes and a Mona Lisa smile. Then she “reminded” me what was the cost for the yurt per night and suggested that I square up.
Our eyes were locked in mutual Buddhist loving stares, and I said, “No. I’m not paying for my nights in the yurt.” She politely presented reasons why I should pay, and I politely reminded her the yurt was an offered gift and compensation for not being able to eat for three days because of their virus. She seemed to have enjoyed her game and “allowed” me to use the yurt for the next few nights for free, but I’d stay only one more.
At home, I had another shock, a personal one I’ll skip. As soon as I could, I launched my workshops and hoped to begin picking up design work. Five days before my first workshop, I was hit and could barely get out of bed. For the next few days, I couldn’t concentrate to plan my workshop and had to do it in the last two days. I was rattled by the timing, and my workshop was not very good. The next month, the same thing happened, same timing, hit five days before my workshop, and unable to concentrate to teach. It happened every month from August through November, always just before an advertised workshop. I took a break in December, and in January acknowledged I was afraid to announce anything. My partner said he’d cover the bills for awhile, and told me to take a break. And I never taught Permaculture again.
The gang stalking, as I said, amplified long before, in 2002, and it seems like it’s gotten far worse in the last few years. But maybe it only changes. I think they use some of us to test their electronic weaponry, see if they can scramble our brains just a little, keep us functioning, looking mostly normal, but not be able to concentrate. Sometimes, they try out weapons that bruise and burn us. Sometimes they seem to take biopsies which leave us with “scoop marks” or divots in our skin. I’ve even woken with a healed scar on my neck that a medical professional assumed was from thyroid surgery. I wonder. And then there’s the injection bruises – I began to watch for those and for a long period of time found two each week, like clockwork, most with accompanying exhaustion to some degree.
I seem to be used as a guinea pig for a lot of electronics lately, hearing tones a lot, having strange tones come out of my TV, and hearing strange things on the phone, liked a human voice speeded up on my answering machine, and taped recordings giving directions to “re-record.”
I woke once with a tunnel in my skin on my left scapula where I’d long believed a malfunctioning implant had been because it always itched terribly and I’d developed a strange, 4″ wide bruise that radiated off to one side and had been there for over a year, which no doctor could say what it was. The same morning the tunnel appeared, letting me assume they’re removed it, a new hypersensitive spot was tingling higher on my shoulder and continues to this day, years later. Indeed, the year-old bruise did fade over the course of the next month.
Everything in the world today is “infiltrated” with people who’ll do things like this to some people. Some say the actors are demonic, others alien, agents of Archons – all sorts of theories or language is used to talk about this phenomenon. But most people understand it’s managed by someone inside government intelligence agencies. And their Gang members are everywhere, even in spiritual communities, somehow recruited into this work.
Victims are everywhere too. Suffering silently, because no one wants to believe this. I know it’s hard to believe, sometimes even when it happens to you. But it keeps happening, and goes on for years, and decades. Then you finally discover there’s a name for it! And there are many people scattered around the nation who tell you you’re not the only one, you’re not crazy, and it’s also happening to them. Bitter comfort.
And then we’re told the rules: Don’t tell the police. Don’t tell your doctor. (I erred there – my propensity for telling the truth.) If you tell, others warn, they’ll call you crazy and lock you up. I’ve been called delusional – but only by one doctor who is probably involved. Thank God that many other doctors around the nation, who know me personally or have read my accounts in full, concur that I’m suffering from something very real, and it’s not in my mind.
One good thing about it, at least for me: It makes me look beyond this plane and align myself with energies of the cosmos, rather than Earth. And it usually only affects me for maybe a quarter of my time, so with the rest of my life I can pull myself together and do my best to keep contributing to a better world.
Who read this book? The Majus, by John Fowles.
I read it back in the late 80s, I think, and it totally freaked me out. It was a creepy, terrifying “thriller,” set on an idyllic island, experienced by a couple expecting to have a luxurious vacation in nature.
Instead, they are terrorized in bizarre ways, with circumstances that surprise, never hurt, imply extreme danger, hint at numbers of people who are never see; they are separated from each other, and the quiet horror goes on and on and on and on… until the end, when they are miraculously led out.
Written in 1985. Sounds like gang stalking. I hated it and couldn’t understand why anyone would write something so sick. Maybe he wrote it because he knew it was being planned.
This guy surprised me quite a few times by talking about things I’ve never heard anyone else talk about – but I’ve experienced. He’s fearless.
Now, after 18:00, he lost me once, with an explanation that included a mention of being locked up for a mental illness. Aye!
I know that can happen to the best of us, but coming right when I was having a hard time following – was sorta funny.
We all know that the best disinformation is embedded in truth, of course, so we must always judge every part of everything we’re told, as well as everything we think.
And just before 34:00 he begins about the Nazi agenda of eugenics. Says it very well, but I don’t want to believe it exactly that way. I do believe a sorting (“harvest”?) is coming up, though. This helps us consider how serious this is, but ultimately, this materialistic, political, exo-political view is only part of the multi-dimensional/spiritual picture.
Focusing too much on the enemy may be a type of psychic entrainment, so it may behoove us to pretend not to notice or care. Hmmmm….
From John Hall’s book, about electronic harassment of targeted individuals:
Two startling facts are apparent when one reviews the literature on schizophrenia and its associated auditory hallucinations [AH]. The same holds true for AH secondary to psychosis (non-schizophrenic) and delusional disorder.
It is almost as if it is pre-assumed that hearing voices at all, regardless of their content, is a symptom of mental illness. … Secondarily, there is absolutely no mention in any of the psychiatric studies of the possibility that technology exists to place voices in one’s head. One would assume that, with psychiatrists at the helm of the early mind control studies, there would be at least a suggestion that we now have the technology to reproduce the symptoms of schizophrenia.
Thousands of people are currently voicing just that complaint. Individuals, many of them professionals with no history of mental illness, are complaining of hearing voices. The number of these complaints far exceeds the published percentages of schizophrenia and delusional disorder as a percentage of the total population.
It is my opinion that many of the people complaining of auditory harassment may indeed be victims of harassment technology and not a mental disease. I find it highly unlikely that large groups of schizophrenics voicing similar complaints would be corresponding with each other over the internet looking for answer to their dilemma.
However, that is exactly what is happening! [editorial correction: large groups of people, not schizophrenics, are voicing complaints.]
So, does the technology exist to place voices in one’s head or surroundings that only they can hear, mimicking the symptoms of mental illness? The literature indeed does illustrate the fact that such technology exists.
So why does the psychiatric community refuse to consider technologic harassment as an etiology of auditory hallucinations…?
The John Hall radio interview I wrote about recently has given me hope that we can find ways to protect ourselves from electronic harassment.
I decided first to try “binaural brainwave entrainment.”
The impressive results over just a day and a half are only anecdotal, of course, and could very well be coincidental, but here they are:
Supposedly, binaural brainwave entrainment helps some to cancel out electronic harassment. John Hall mentioned the Banzai Labs company in particular, here: http://www.banzailabs.com/brainwaveapps.html.
I downloaded their modestly-priced app on my iPhone (“best reviewed app of its kind in the iTunes app store”/$3.99 – can also be used with other products) and walked around all day yesterday, plus the night before, with various tones humming behind music in my ear buds.
(Even though I don’t usually keep my iPhone near me, I was motivated to at least try it for a few days.)
The sound experiences cause the hemispheres of the brain to entrain at frequencies associated with peace, or well-being, sleep, focus, concentration, stress-relief, etc – you choose what you want on a simple dial. You can layer over a variety of relaxing music – or even your own.
To my surprise, I woke up yesterday at 2:30 am (!) and felt well rested, energized, and ready to work! Got up at 3, thinking I’d definitely need a nap, but instead – with the ear buds in all day – I worked with “concentration,” sat in the garden with “relaxation” or “stress-relief” when I was beginning to feel stressed – and I worked VERY productively until 11 pm, and needed very little of my relaxing herbs that day. I then went to bed at 11:30, slept well again, and woke this morning at 5:30, feeling very well-rested and looking forward to the day. What a relief!
The productivity of my day was wonderful! I got a series of complicated projects completed that I’ve been unable to even face for a year! I finally cleared a number of important projects off my desk. Worked creatively too. Visited one friend in person, and enjoyed a long talk with another friend last night. I even responded to my cat’s many requests throughout the day that I go out in the garden with her for a little break – and I took quite a few nice breaks yesterday.
Was it a coincidence? Did the controllers also coincidentally give me something that first night to give me energy? (I have absolutely believed they have that capability and have done it to me.) Or was it my expectations? Or – as is John Hall’s theory – did I block the electronic harassment and get back my normal, productive mind?
I want to believe this is possible. I don’t want to believe that, via electronics, thousands of us can be harassed mercilessly until we die.
Of course, I can’t help but notice that my left shoulder (yeah, the left shoulder) is buzzing again, like crazy. I took off my ear buds and set them on either side of the new implant site, and while there the buzzing was gone. Removed, it began buzzing again after a minute or so. Retested, again it stopped then began buzzing like crazy again, as it has all year. It’s not the worst; at best, it’s a reminder of what I face, keeping me serious about my healing needs.
As with any technology, as soon as we find a work-around, they’ll be working on their own work-around, so we’ll probably need to keep vigilant, keep educating ourselves, keep sharing ideas, and keep praying for direction. And that’s not a bad thing; it’s good.
Sometimes I think of this as all a test. We might think it feels cruel, like torture, and I can be ready to give up and die. But before I’m in total, absolute despair, they always back off, leave me alone, and I build myself back up again. But that’s not enough.
What’s the lesson? If it is a test, if we’re not entirely powerless, which I don’t believe we are, what is the lesson??? What are we to learn from this torturous experience?
I want to believe that we are only faced with threats on Earth for a reason – to learn how to deal with them. And one of them might be to learn how to manage our own bio-electric systems to a degree we’ve never yet considered possible before. And I’m ready to take that on.
Indeed, as multi-dimensional beings, we exist on other dimensions – vibrational realms, even though we may not access it consciously very often. Since this is part of our multi-dimensional nature, maybe we’re called – as part of our next evolutionary learning – to develop this awareness and these skills, the same way we’ve been learning this century to manage nutrition, exercise, and attitude. Bio-electricity is our next challenge.
Maybe? Well, I’m game. My new goal is to imagine the extent to which we might have un-examined and under-utilized power.
John Hall had more to write about mental entrainment (generally, not just electronically) to the controller’s games – and that’s what I’ll write about next.
Thanks for reading, Friends.
I just happened to buy this book, Guinea Pigs: Technologies of Control and had it delivered last week.…
The first five minutes is a wonderfully succinct introduction – much appreciated.
Within the first 15:00, he describes electronic protection I’d never heard of! Yeah! I’m going to go look for it next.
At 16:00, he talks about the threat of mental illness diagnosis, and how the medical industry helps cover their tracks by slapping us with false diagnoses. I know.
Okay, on with the show. This is a good one.
Most days, I wake up feeling fine, like this. And I go about my day, being productive, visiting with friends, taking care of the house and the garden, writing, and thinking, “I could get a job.”
Some days, though, I wake up feeling like Hell, like last week when I could only assume “They” had taken me in the night for some use I can only guess at and either drugged or electroshocked me to assure my amnesia – and, no, I don’t drink alcohol anymore, so this is no hangover that I created.
Unfortunately this was a day that I’d promised to work with a friend on a natural plaster sculpture I was helping her create. I called to tell her I felt like hell and took the picture so she’d know I was serious.
I usually feel poisoned for at least a day after something like this, though the longest was thirteen days.
During these events, I can hardly keep myself fed much less do anything else – and these events usually happen at least twice a month, and they’ve been getting more and more frequent in the last five years.
And now that I’ve kicked out my housemate/handler (three months ago), I have no one to cook for me when I’m like this, and my finances don’t even come close to being enough for me to keep my house.
Friends and family encourage me that I can work, but my last semester teaching English at the university, I had a hard time like this once and went to class with a What-the-Hell attitude and told my students I was a mind control subject, and sometimes they fuck with me like this!
Freaked out the kids, and I decided I didn’t trust myself to teach anymore. And I haven’t – though I love teaching, and when I’m well, I know I’m a good teacher.
I’ve been praying and brainstorming how I can make a living when I have no idea when these events will happen to me – this week? next week?
In any case, I work as fast as I can when I feel well, because I never know when I’ll be hit and unable, for a day or days, to shop, cook, water, take care of finances, anything. My finances seem as though they’ll hit the wall very soon, so I’m paying for utilities and everything now with credit cards.
And no one wants to acknowledge it – especially not family.
Very cruel, and very ignorant, I think.
American ignorance: This sort of thing does NOT happen in America – even though it’s very well documented, it just doesn’t. So buck up.
Okay, I’m getting back to productive work now, and I’ll probably be cheerful and friendly at the coop today, or whenever I next go out. [Happy-face Smile!]
After all, it is a beautiful spring day.
The spring’s first roses are at the front gate, and the salvia is blooming at the front door.
Did I choose my birthdate and time to come into this life on Earth? Or did someone or something else? Or was it an accident, without meaning except whatever I or someone else assign it?
The date was July 7, 1952 − 52 adding up to 7, July the 7th month, making three 7’s if you like number games as I do. Maybe it’s meaningless. It was also a full moon. And a Monday. And it was smack in the middle of Cancer, also known as Moon Child, ruled by the Moon. I didn’t realize all these moons and sevens until I was in my 50s, dabbling in astrology for about a month before tiring of it. A moon phase chart on a NASA or Navy website shows that the Moon was precisely “full” at 4:33 that morning, and I was born at 4:25, just 8 minutes earlier. With 1,440 minutes in a day, eight minutes is about 5/1,000ths of that, 5/1,000ths of a degree of perfection, pretty dang close. (And I wonder if the full moon times on that site are when the Moon is most perfectly opposite the Sun relative to Earth, or if it’s when it appears that way from Earth, which is actually 8 minutes later, since that’s the time it takes for the Sun’s light to strike the Earth – in which case I was born with even more eerie precision during the absolute fullness – for whatever that’s worth. Of course, there were children born all over the planet at that time, so I know it doesn’t make me special. But it’s interesting.
Not long after that discovery, I learned that July and August that year were the two highest months of UFO activity ever recorded in world history; it was 5 days after my birth that UFO’s cruised over the White House and made that cover of LIFE Magazine a classic. When I learned of this, not long after I learned of the 3 sevens and 3 moons, my friends and I locked eyes together and said, “Oooo-eeee-ooooh.”
My father’s father was a veterinarian when my father grew up in Hollywood, California. My grandfather took care of the pets of many of the stars, and was the veterinarian of Rin Tin Tin. And people like Jack Webb (Sgt. Joe Friday [“Just the facts, Ma’am”] on Dragnet) was a fine cartoonist before he became an actor, and was a regular guest at my father’s home, leaving behind a few large, colored cartoons about times in my father’s family’s home, especially around the pool table. The family home had a large atrium in the center looking up to a second-story balustrade that circled the atrium with access to the many bedrooms. When my father was in high school, he bought a car identical to the school principal’s, one of the nicest cars in town. My grandfather was a 33rd degree Mason.
My mother’s mother had been an itinerant farm worker alongside her itinerant construction worker husband during the Great Depression. When he was killed in a construction accident, she had two young daughters, age 8 and 9 to raise. With help from her Mormon family, she rented an ice cream kiosk on the streets of Phoenix and later Riverside, California, and then Van Nuys, California. Her great success in this business was attributed to her baking: she woke early every morning to bake pies and fresh bread, then offered, besides just ice cream, pie and sandwiches on fresh bread – which sold out every day. Soon she was offered another business proposition. Local bankers had an empty building and a vision they asked her to fulfill: To create a restaurant with indoor and outdoor dining, a conference room, and a walk-up window for selling pies. For the next 25 years, she managed almost the same staff from the day she opened until the day she closed, and I remember the line out the door at lunchtime, and the line down the sidewalk for the pies.
Her restaurant was the meeting place for the Chamber of Commerce and all the movers and shakers. I remember a man, Mr. Hyman, who came every single day at lunch – very interesting, because that’s a time few restaurant owners leave if they can avoid it – but he came every day, and she would break off her words mid-sentence as soon as he appeared in the door, and immediately rise to go take a walk with him. One day while visiting on vacation, my mother hauled me up quickly to walk with my grandmother to meet him, but he was totally uninterested and simply walked away with my grandmother. “Every day,” my mother told me, “he walks with her, and she has never told anyone what he says. I assume it’s about business, but he sure has a brusque manner, and they never miss a day.” Today I believe that my grandmother might have been a very early mind control subject – yes, mind control was being practiced even before the late 40’s – but I’m getting ahead of my story.
My first memory is of our apartment in student housing on the campus of UC Davis. The memory I should never have told anyone, as it is of my mother expressing extreme frustration, throwing down her spatula beside the stove and walking out the door with the words, “I’m leaving and I’m not coming back!” Lots of young mothers, isolated in America’s nuclear family, were frustrated and would become addicted to Valium, soap operas, and such. I remember my mother taking lots of naps and my being responsible for keeping younger siblings out of trouble. Quite the job for a five year old, and I grew up with an authoritative speaking voice and strong sense of responsibility. The evening I couldn’t stop my sister from jumping off the bathtub edge into the tub, slipping, of course, and hitting her eyebrow on the metal soap dish protruding from the wall, from which she arose screaming with blood pouring down her face, I was terrified that I was going to be serious trouble. I remember no trouble to me personally, though my sister was taken to the hospital for stitches, but I remember the terror of thinking I’d face it for having failed terribly at my duty. I was ever after vigilant about fulfilling my duties completely, still today part of my neuroses. A decade or so ago, I learned that UC Davis was one of the sites of CIA experiments in mind control, under the guise of Human Ecology – where I lived the first 14 months of my life.
From the time I was old enough to say my name, I’ve been asked if I was related to “the President.” When I was a child, he was The President, but even afterward, he was still “The President” when the name Eisenhower was mentioned. I used to say Yes, and people would ask what the relation was, and when I said he was my father’s second cousin, people would clearly show their disappointment that second cousin wasn’t all that close. So I learned to say, “Not close,” and they’d ask, “How close?” or “Do you know the relation?” and I’d answer, “He’s my father’s second cousin,” and they’d respond with delight, “Oh, that’s close!” Whatever. One day someone told me that Ike and Mamie “always” visit Scottsdale, where we lived from the time I was 9 till 18, and they were visiting that very weekend, so this person wanted to know if our families ever got together. It was a shock to realize that this somewhat close relation had never, to my knowledge, ever acknowledged us; I tried not to be hurt by this information, justifying that a President must limit how many people can get close to him.
Every child thinks that their life is normal, so I never questioned that, at age 5, I had to have my straight hair permed like Shirley Temple’s, and my nails filed into perfect arcs – long enough to “see them on the other side!” the other little girls on the preschool playground noticed. I thought that was the only way I was different until the day a little boy jumped up in preschool at the announcement that we’d have tomato juice at break time: “I don’t like tomato juice!” he shouted, gleeful at the attention he’d attracted. With those words, my whole worldview was struck by lightning, and I fully expected God or at least the teachers to respond to this child who had an opinion contrary to whatever the adults had decided. I’d never known a child could assert himself about things like this. I stared, frozen, waiting for the terrible reaction I was certain must come, but there was none. This stuck in my memory as one of the most shocking events of my young life – at least those I remember.
There’s a lot I remember of my childhood – hundreds of events, I estimate, from my early years: caring for siblings, learning to embroider and crochet before kindergarten, learning to read, relatives visiting, holidays, different homes, yards, driveways, flower beds, preschool events, neighbors, entertaining myself alone, the escapades and fights of my siblings, watching and envying the children who walked to school outside our picture window, and finally a dozen or more memories of kindergarten, where all the work was easy, even though I was one of the youngest in class, and I was asked by the teacher to help the other children who were slower, and I enjoyed that.
After kindergarten, I remember almost nothing until 3rd grade. And one of those memories is weird – about painting a tree blown over at 45 degrees, edged with black, with black storm clouds, black wind and black leaves blowing by. I suspect it’s related to a train trip I took with my mother at about that age. It was just we two, leaving my father alone with three children between 0 and 3 – I can’t explain that, unless it was a very special event which no one has ever talked about. I asked my mother recently why we took that train trip and where; she answered as if lying: her voice went high as if it was totally insignificant that we went to see my aunt in New Mexico. Why, she never said. By then I’d learned not to ask too many questions about my childhood, because most of the time, I’d be asked in return, “Why do you ask?” I gathered that it was something my mother didn’t want to talk about. (My father almost never spoke to me that I recall, except to say “Smile!” while taking holiday photos.) I felt fortunate to glean as much as I did.
Other disturbing things I recall might be related to my two years of amnesia, or maybe they’re not: nightmares and weird sexual dreams, even at a very young age. One nightmare had my father dressed all in black with a black top hat, sitting atop a black carriage, whipping the black horses as we bounced along in the night, pulling behind us a circus caravan of train cars filled with wild animals. He whipped the horses to go faster and faster, even though the road was bumpy and it was night. Suddenly, the cars all bounced apart and some tipped over, and I found myself alone in the dark woods, in danger of being eaten alive. Another memorable dream was of Porky Pig on stage at the end of the cartoon, and just before the curtain closed, he pulled down his pants and showed his female naked pudendum – and I was mortified and woke in a panic.
One day, I found myself in the back seat of a sedan between two men, with two more in front, all in khaki uniforms with short military haircuts, which I stared at for awhile. The car had a “two-tone aqua-marine” interior (why do I even remember that phrase?), and I was nearly out of my body with emotions I could not name, but I tried and said things to myself like, “They lied. It wasn’t what they told me.” But I wasn’t just confused; I was enraged, almost out of my body, with a sense of betrayal, for which I had no words. Someone had given me a wind-up toy, a pressed-tin beagle dog, painted brown, black, and white, with sad eyes, and a crank on the side and a music box inside that played, “How Much is that Doggie in the Window?” When the men dropped me off in front of my home, it was another disorienting experience. I’d never been dropped off there; until then, friends and family had always come in the driveway, and we all entered the kitchen door. But here I was, being dropped off alone at the front. It felt surreal to climb out the car alone with my dog while one man held open the door; then I stepped up onto the curb, then into the squishy grass of the easement, then to the sturdy sidewalk again and up the front walk to open the front door. Later my mother would say this never happened. “I’ve always said you have a vivid imagination, and you mix up your dreams with memory,” she would say – a few key times in my life. I never heard her say it of my siblings. But she would say it to me at strange times, even when I had evidence, and even when the thing I remembered seemed insignificant, or easily provable, so that I didn’t know why she would choose to assert that I was wrong.
One of those times was when I remembered the student housing apartment at UC Davis. I had drawn a floor plan, and told her there was a clouded glass window next to the front door, right opposite the tiny kitchen. Between the kitchen and the living room, the line between the linoleum and carpet was at an angle, and a red chair stood at an angle against the nearest wall, leaving a crevice on one side where a small child could squeeze in. I got this far in my description when I saw my mother’s face had fallen into an expression of distress, when she stubbornly and with finality said, “You couldn’t remember that – you were only 14 months old when we moved from there.” She hadn’t said the apartment wasn’t like that, only that I couldn’t remember. “But, Mom,” I responded, “you just pointed to my floor plan and implied I’d drawn it correctly.” With that, her face trembled, and she looked into the space above my head and rose from the table and stood looking out the window. Then, in a sing-song voice she said words that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck: “I’ve always said you had a vivid imagination, and you mixed up your dreams with memories.” That sing-song voice, I realized, I heard only a few times in my life, and always in a situation like this, and those same words.
When I was seven, right in the middle of my two years of amnesia, I remember driving to Van Nuys with the entire family and being left “for awhile” with my grandmother and aunt, even though they both worked full-time in the restaurant. I “helped” my aunt, and watched her type up the daily specials, four groupings of words, all centered in one quarter of the page, each line centered according to a formula she explained to me, of counting the letters in a line and backspacing from a particular point half that number (I loved it!). She used a brown typewriter ribbon and two sheets of brown carbon paper to get three copies of each page of four, which she cut into twelve quarters before starting on another twelve – and did that every day. I’d only seen black ribbon and black carbon paper before, and I asked about the brown, to which my aunt responded proudly that they always did things special at the restaurant. Indeed they did. It was known for home-cooked food, “not just whatever can be thrown on a grill” as my mother put it, with a tone of pride. My favorite lunch was the “finger sandwiches” with fruit salad. The staff made egg salad, tuna salad and chicken salad sandwiches, on fresh-baked white bread, trimmed off the crust, and cut them into thirds, serving one of each on a large plate. On the side was the beautifully dramatic fruit salad – fresh fruit tossed with whipped cream, heaped fluffy and high on the plate with a wedge of pineapple standing up from the center like a feather on a fancy lady’s hat. It was the most elegant meal, and I was always proud to order it.
I watched my aunt change out the bar of soap that went into the grinding dispenser in the restroom. I was very happy attending my aunt that summer and intrigued by all the inventions of the world and all the things there were to learn, liking counting letters to center typing. I also learned that summer how to use the cash register and make change, so when the restaurant wasn’t busy, my aunt stood beside me while I punched the beautiful cash register keys: each with a clear bold number on top inside a silver circle frame, ten in a column, from 9 down to 0, repeated in five perfect columns, the dollars in brown and the cents in cream, for tallying numbers from $.01 to $999.99, easy to understand. It was easy to punch in the customer’s totals from their receipt, punch in the tax, hit Total, and announce the amount almost as quickly as the adult could. I also learned to make change: starting with the total, take pennies to add up to the nearest number that ends with a five or zero, add nickels or dimes to get to the nearest quarter, and add quarters to get to the nearest dollar, and add dollars to get to whatever bills they’d given me. Then repeat the counting in the customer’s hand. Customers never failed to exclaim their surprise and ask me how old I was. “Seven,” I said proudly.
I have no memory of my family returning to get me that summer. Maybe I was returned by the men in the sedan. Or may it was later when I remember waking up at home, absolutely thrilled, and feeling as though I’d been sleeping “for a very long time!” – which is exactly what I told my mother when I ran to her in the kitchen. “I’m awake! I’m awake! And I’ve been asleep for a long, long time!” I saw the look on her face, and felt she was as surprised and happy as I was, but I could also see she was startled by my exclamation, and immediately denied it. I saw again the thing I was trained to ignore, and I said nothing about it: her lying. “No, you were only asleep for the night,” she said, but she said it with “that voice” I knew, and she wasn’t looking at me. I didn’t understand it, but at least I was home again.
Within a few months, we’d move from our tiny pink stucco bungalow into a large custom home in an exclusive neighborhood where Stuart Udall, Secretary of the Interior of the United States, and a Mormon, had a “second home,” on a lot that abutted our lot, or very nearly. His cousin, Addison Udall, was my pediatrician. They would both come to our Christmas party that year, and when I told my doctor at the party that my father gave me “my boosters” (very unlikely, so the question remains: what was he giving me?), the doctor and my father exchanged silent glances I’ve never forgotten, my doctor’s surprise, my father’s dread, my doctor’s evil stare toward my father. I could be reading something into this entirely wrong, but I think that moment abruptly changed our family life. By the end of the school year, when we’d been in the house less than eight months, and I know my mother loved it, we’d sell it and move to Paradise Valley, Arizona, by way of Phoenix, which seemed like the worst place in the world to live.