Tag Archives: parasites

Daily Check: What do Do?

I was going to share some of the jokes I find myself telling on good days, about becoming part mushroom (which I read later Joni Mitchell has also said about her Morgellon’s) after I saw what appear to be “fruiting bodies” growing out of my chin after only 24 hours without scrubbing and ointments. And maybe I’d share about this balance of living with a whole host of parasites preparing me to see other realities.

Instead, I picked up my digital microscope to check my skin which I’m too tired to scrub.

First I went looking for the two holes I found yesterday in my upper left arm with a handheld 10x lens but hadn’t taken the time to look at with the better, save-able digital microscope until today. They’d looked like very fine hypodermic holes, and finding them on the day of a Full Moon when I felt tired is not typically a surprise; maybe that’s why I just couldn’t pick up the microscope that day – subconsciously too depressed from something done to me in the night. Today, they seem to have neatly closed and I can’t find them.  Fine.

Nearby, I found a larger, but still tiny red spot that bled when I ran my fingernail over it, but showed no blood under the microscope. I don’t have any idea what this is. But there is a “cup fungus” (I found online) that lives in skin and produces blood-red, oddly shaped cups – similar to what I find all over me.

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Next I looked at my chin and found this fruiting body reaching out, catching the LED light in its translucent outer layer, with other, “common” anomalies which might be part of the natural human skin ecosystem, but I don’t know, as doctors seem loathe to discuss it.

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On my left cheek, I found more “common” (to me now) weirdness, with another fungal fruiting body (I assume, and am open to correction) with its dark tip alongside this strange item which I think is a typical tangle of Morgellon’s fibers. I’ve had lots of single filaments, but not that many wads of them.

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focus on the fungal fruiting body with dark tip

 

 

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focus on the suspected small tangle of fibers

I want to scrub my face, my ears, my back, my chest, my arms, my hands, my fingers, my legs, my toes, but it all takes so much energy.  Two weeks ago, I paid for my last shower and decided to take all future ones in my camper, not because of the money ($6-20), though that helps, but because I felt under pressure to get it all done within a reasonable period of time, but I lost energy and always did a varying quality job. By bathing in my rig, even though I’ll use more water and propane and have to go into town more often, I can bathe a little of me at a time. I might do my face and genitals in the morning (though I didn’t today, kept putting it off), then neck and arms mid-morning, then torso after lunch, then legs in afternoon, and face and genitals again at night (always scrubbing hands and nails before and after washing each section of me). Just thinking about all that makes me exhausted.

 

These days I find myself holding my breath worse than ever, wondering why some part of me is starving my heart and brain and everything else.  Well, I don’t actually wonder, I know.  A few parts of me don’t think it’s worth being around anymore, and  I understand. But I think I/we am/are supposed to be here.  But that part of me that wants to breath can’t seem to overcome the others who don’t – sometimes.  Like today.

I have vegetables to cook, cilantro to wash and prepare, things to organize, receipts to put in my bookkeeping, and I just don’t feel able to focus on those tasks.  I did get the dishes done today, left from yesterday.  I cooked a healthy, no-sugar-of-any-sort breakfast (then followed it with a chocolate truffle!), and emptied part of my gray water tank, only because I was forced to.  It’s raining so I can’t walk, which is fine, as I’d only feel guilty or sad on a day like today because I have no energy.

Sometimes I think my spirit helpers helped me get the infection, to help me leave this life as I’ve sometimes said I wanted to – but I really believe it’s the mind controllers who gave it to me. Here’s my theory on that:

I started life as a mind control subject and still was when I “ran away from home” at age 19, but suddenly they had to treat me in a manner for which they hadn’t planned; they had to respond to activities I chose that they hadn’t chosen for me, so they had to adapt their programs. Twice they got me married to other mind control subjects who were able to exert impressive control, but I left each after about 9 years and have been single for the last 27 years.

After my separation in 1993, I – didn’t know it but recognized it later – was put on the “Targeted Individuals” list.  I was gang stalked and sabotaged in everything I tried to do, unless the Controllers determined it could be useful to them.

When I lived remotely as a hermit, my experiences felt like science fiction coming from the nearby Fort Huachuca, a (the?) major American intelligence center, also associated, conspiratorially, with aliens.  Besides all that, someone destroyed my computer and socially sabotaged me so that I could not work.

In debt, with no clear future, I sold my hermitage and moved to a small town, and my experiences of aliens and UFOs ended; in their place, anomalies left traces suggesting high-tech medicine and electronic warfare testing.  Each experiment felt new, none repeated (that I was aware of), all interesting, disconcerting, exhausting, and not as fearful as I philosophically thought it should be.

In one terrible event, I became conscious with a body memory of some disease organism being technologically implanted in my body.  In the next two years, I would begin to wake up with a painful scalp I described as feeling “like someone pulled me around by my hair all night,” and another sensation I described as “like someone had pounded the soles of my feet.”  The disease would be diagnosed only 5 years later, and I’d find ulcers and fibers growing out of my scalp and fibers growing out of the soles of my feet.

This last phase of my life since I fled my home to travel permanently may have been concurrent with my demotion from military test subject to simple victim for punishment. At least three times I’ve been led unknowingly to attend Satanist gatherings on the Full Moon and woken up disabled for a day or two.  I’ve witnessed many endless common people working for Operation TIPS doing drive-by harassment and such, many business owners who mysteriously treat me abominably, and finally, a new variety of electronic harassment.

My value to the mind control organizations I assume has diminished, so that they don’t care now whether I’m killed or not.  Someone did something to my truck two years ago, which I documented and thought about a lot, but didn’t have looked at, then my trailer mysteriously fishtailed twice on flat road and then on a hill flipped me over, totaling my truck and trailer home and giving me a whiplash and concussion.  Did they intend exactly that?  To terrify and hurt me badly, but not kill me?  Or did they not care, maybe even took bets on the outcome?  I don’t know.

I’m not as controllable (I assume/hope), and can imagine they’re angry at me for documenting their damages and might want to punish me for it.  As authoritarian types always have.

I could try to be “good”; I did for so much of my life, when I believed the American dream.  But I don’t anymore.  I remember now the sexual abuse in my home, my church and strange places I was taken.  I remember learning about money, and hating it, because it was exchanged when I was abused.  When I learned about Capitalism, it made me extremely sad for the world, and I thought, “This just cannot work.”  I’m a failed mind control test subject – at least failed to some degree.

But I’m not sure I have no value to them anymore. I do wake up at least once each month having slept 11 hours and feeling so exhausted I can’t do anything but feed myself, and I have a dreadful feeling my amnesia occured because I was with them or they were in my home the previous night.  Was I actually doing something for them?  I’ve had impressions of being used to do remote viewing in an altered state as late as 2014.  I’ve wondered if I was used sexually.  I’ve wondered if I was used to help groom little girls for this work, which breaks my heart the most.  I’ve also “glitched” once, and an alter took over who knew how to assassinate and was thrilled to have the opportunity “after such a long time.”  Who knows what I might have done all my life!?

Or are they just doing maintenance these days – checking my heart, testing my blood, seeing how their old subject is?

Or are they monitoring the fascinating disease they gave me in 2014?

Six years after that 2014 event when I believed someone intended to inoculate me with disease – and I “forgot” about it all this time – I’m categorizing types of fibers, photographing them, adapting my life, but feeling like I’m losing the battle.  Maybe I’m not.  I’ve had angels come heal me before.  They could come again.

It feels great to write these things, to make a record.  But I really should get up to bathe.

I’ll put water on the stove (far more efficient than lighting the 6-gallon water heater), close the camper door (it’s been nice to have it open all morning), turn on the space heater, close the blinds, lay towels on the floor, get out the body scrubs, put on a movie, and begin with my face.

It’s so much trouble, and if I have the energy to do it, there’s no energy left for anything else.  Realistically speaking, not emotionally, it just seems like I’m going to die.  And eugenically (!?) speaking, I think I should.  As a wimp, I don’t want to suffer.  As a person defending her sanity against doctors and her self-esteem with a family that doesn’t want to believe her, I don’t want to deteriorate as predicted by this diagnosis.

So I’ve joked I should go volunteer at a local hospital and hope to catch Covid19.

On the other hand, if I’m still useful to the Controllers, I’m not sure they’ll allow me to die.  I have an implant in my heart and, for all I know, they’ll keep me alive to watch the disease develop (like they did with the Tuskeegee Black prisoners who were given a related spirochete, syphilis) and thereby torture me for my sins.  But maybe not.  I can hope.

If I live, I still have so many other unpleasantries of old age: missing teeth, malocclusion, failing eyesight, and forgetfulness (and we hope it’s not Alzheimer’s); but worst is not old age but the technology mind controllers put in me over the decades.  I have documented implants in my heart, g-spot, alongside my clitoral shaft, on my left scapula, 6 in my teeth, 2 in my ears, and I believe there could be more.  They can be used to move my whole body or vibrate a part, make me nauseous and anxious, immobilize me, shift my consciousness off and on, turn on other programmed alters, and more.  Even if I could heal my Morgellon’s and get my teeth fixed, who would want to be subject to the rest of what I live with?  No one.

But if my controllers seem to be trying to kill me, then I wonder whether they’re not using me in any significant way anymore.  And that would be an excellent understanding, in a way – to be killed instead of mind controlled.  Thank you.  But I’m not sure of anything.

I don’t mind dying if they don’t string it out too long and painfully.  Ironically, though, my daily scrubbing efforts might be helping me live longer, and that’s not really what I want. I should serve my own needs better, and help shorten this eventuality.  Yeah, that’s the only thing that makes good philosophical sense.  I should just let it take me over.

Unless I’m supposed to be here still for something.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Maybe/not parasites/worms in sinuses

It sure seemed like I had a parasite, probably a worm of some sort, in my sinus, and not only that, but it seemed to be laying eggs!
It’s possible, though, that I was mind controlled to believe this was the case.  At first it seemed as though someone would have had to mind control me to enter an altered state and let them in my camper to squirt something sticky into the front of my right nostril, then leave and let me come to normal consciousness to find the sticky stuff there and freak out.  Crazy.
Later I thought it might have been possible for someone to mind control me to believe I’d found the white sticky stuff in my nostril and twirl five Q-tips in there repeatedly to get it all out.  More likely, with my history.
I thought I was videotaping my Q-tip work – part of my usual habit of keeping excellent documentation of everything – but discovered the camera wasn’t recording until I was in the final stages.  I saved the Q-tips hoping a lab could tell us what sort of parasite it was.  If I was mind controlled, though, then the Q-tips should have nothing unnatural on them.
Of course, discrediting mind control subjects who come partially conscious and begin to speak out, like I have, is one of the Controllers’ primary goals.  So I’m inclined to believe, if anything finally proves all my concerns are “imagined,” then this was mind control for discrediting purposes.
If my concerns are not discredited, then I’ve experienced something very weird, have some medical concerns, have been treated very rudely by doctors, and need help.
For now, I believe I was deluded, not delusional –  deluded by parties that have an interest in discrediting me, since I have worked for years to blow the whistle on themHere’s how the latest unfolded for me:
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It all began when I used a digital microscope (I highly recommend) to see the surface of my scalp where I believed a microwave shot might have hit me in the head (photos above); if it wasn’t a microwave shot, but something else, I wanted to see it.
I found a perfectly round one, as expected (left), and one that seems to have hit my scalp at an angle (right).  The skin in both cases appears to have been punctured multiple times in a round or parabolic shape.
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Fine hairs, a tiny fraction of the width of normal hair, and often curling, are found on my scalp and other parts of my body.

 

Eventually, I had to also acknowledge some things I’d seen but wanted to ignore, like strange fibers that were much finer than hair, and other hair-like things that seemed to act like self-directed periscopes or antennas.

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Odd, blunt-headed hair-like structures all over my body often seemed to move as though perceiving.

 

Other organisms seemed to be swimming in pink and orange puddles of dissolved skin.

And my feet under the microscope seemed to have been punctured in the near-center of every print line at regular distances by some parasite that completely covered the soles of my feet.

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These well-spaced holes cover the soles of my feet.

Since I regularly feel as though I’ve been raped in the night when I wake in the morning, I wasn’t surprised to find I have a genital infection as well.

Some of these made me – and some readers of an earlier post – think of Morgellons, and I wondered when I’d been inoculated with it.

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This is the one of the 3 worst spots with a quantity of mystery fibers.

Even though only one place on my body had large numbers of fibers, there was at least one strange fiber at every location I set down the microscope, and I felt covered by organisms from scalp to toe, disgusted, and terrified when I considered my life history of doctors seem to be involved in the nighttime amnesic events and to be hostile to me in their daytime offices.

I’d been feeling as though something was wiggling around in my right sinus all day, and it might be related to the sensation I’d had the night before of something crawling up my windpipe into my throat near my left eustacian tube, and then across to the right side before I fell asleep.  I used the otoscope to look down my nasal cavity a few times that day, and suddenly I saw for the first time what appeared to be a long white worm, or maybe a bunch of smaller ones, wrapped around the nasal structure – or maybe it was just mucous.  I wasn’t sure, so I waited for clarity.
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After turning my attention to something else, suddenly something new appeared:  fluffy-looking snow-white foam filled the front opening of my right nostril!
It clearly wasn’t mucous.  Maybe the worm or other parasite was real, and it’s just deposited this foam – laid eggs – thankfully where I can remove them easily.  But where is the parasite, and where else might it lay eggs?

To my great surprise, removing the sticky foam wasn’t easy.  When my Q-tip touched the white fluff, it surprised me with its stiffness and stickiness – it had an affinity for skin and did not let go!  This was nothing that could be mistaken for mucous.

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“my skin was beginning to bleed and the stuff was still in patches here and there”

I used 5 Q-tips, 10 ends, and had to quit after a few minutes because my skin was beginning to bleed and the stuff was still in patches here and there, impossible to scrape or pull off!  (Days later it seems to have hardened into a tough thin layer of something like shellac.)
(I thought I was videotaping the foam removal but was surprised to find the software hadn’t clicked on.  This still photo is from a video of my attempt to clean up the last bits.)
Screen Shot 2019-08-12 at 2.52.21 PM.pngLooking online for organisms that match my organisms, I have been rather worried to not find them, as that leads me to consider the conspiracy theories about designer organisms being planted in targeted individuals.  Maybe that’s an additional reason why no doctors want to treat me?
And of course, looking for information, I watched some fascinating videos about parasites being pulled from people’s ears and noses, with tools that travel in tiny spaces, videotaping while sucking parasites outI wanted that!
While all the sinus sensations I’d had might be dismissed as imaginary or incorrect interpretation, the white sticky foam at the front of my nostril seemed like something I could not ignore.
It seemed incontrovertible evidence that something potentially dangerous was unfolding and I would be stupid to ignore it.
At the emergency room, the doctor refused to accept that the white foam wasn’t mucous, but for me, it was the clinching reason I was at the ER; something had laid eggs in my head, and was likely to lay more, and some of the foam was still right there inside my nostril, easily available to be collected and sent to some lab for identification.
In exasperation, the doctor offered me a parasiticide, which I took even though I “never” take pharmaceuticals.  Dumbfounded to be not believed, I was comforted only that the parasiticide would kill it and make the issue moot.  (I thought I’d tell the doctor later when I had proof of the parasite’s existence.)  He sent me home with advice on how to treat a sinus condition.
On the Internet the next day, I read about the drug I’d taken, Ivermectin – that it doesn’t kill adult worms.  Fortunately, I was able to see a Naturopath that day who referred me to an Ear Nose and Throat specialist and ordered blood tests of everything she thought pertinent.  I gave my blood, shopped for a liver cleanse, and twice called the ENT who promised to return my calls within 2 hours, but never did, not even the next work day.  When I finally got a through to the office, they told me my Medicaid insurance plan wouldn’t be accepted, and it would even be “illegal” for them to accept cash.  (What???!)
For a second day, I’d felt movements in my right sinus, along with odd pressure points about once an hour, at different places each time.  I imagined worm eggs being laid in various places, sometimes feeling they were puncturing into my inner ear or brain cavity.  My entire head began to feel under pressure.  I asked myself at every point, Am I imagining this?
In recent days I’ve videotaped a lot of oddities on and under my skin:
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green fiber

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orange fiber

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Blood-colored shapes under the skin

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Three punctures inside my cheek, along with a crystalline hair!

Screen Shot 2019-08-12 at 4.02.18 PM sm.pngAnd many, many more fibers, including many that appear crystalline.
The second evening I wondered if there was anything else to do.  Might these be the last days of my life – if worms all hatched in my head one day soon?
Or was I imagining this?  How could I imagine the sticky white fluff, when I’ve saved the Q-tips and have a video of me trying and failing to clean out the last of the impossibly sticky stuff from my nose?  If it wasn’t parasite eggs, what was it, and how did it get there?
Was I mind controlled to go into a programmed altered state to let a mind control handler in the camper who squirted something up my nose (in the middle of the afternoon), then left me to come back to normal consciousness and find it?  Sounds pretty crazy, but it is the way that lots of mind control is done.
What other explanations are there?  Both worms in the head and mind control to make someone think they have worms in their head are both equally disturbing.
Two days feeling worm-like movements in my sinus, I suddenly felt something coming up from my windpipe again – that’s what had happened the night before I noticed the first sinus effects – so I grabbed my digital otoscope, plugged it in with shaking hands, and tried to capture video of whatever was coming up my throat.  My hands shook terribly, and I was unable to calm them down.  Whatever video I hoped to catch was hopelessly blurry.  And then I noticed little squiggles climbing up my throat – not one big worm, but dozens of tiny things springing forward, their bodies in tiny S-shapes!
When I saw those tiny “worms” springing up my throat, it tipped me over the edge. Now we had evidence; the doctors would have to believe.
But I didn’t want to go back to the ER without checking with someone else, so I called the 24-hour medical advice line offered by my insurance company.
Dr. Lu eventually came on the line, but in the intervening minutes, I’d decided that I didn’t trust what I’d seen with my shaky hand-held otoscope, and decided the little “leaping worms” might have actually been artifacts of my shaky hand and dots of light, so I skipped that detail and reported only 1) the sensations of things traveling up my throat from my windpipe, 2) sensations of things moving in my sinuses, 3) the sudden appearance of fluffy white foam in my nostril, and 4) my video of what I believed was a worm wrapped around a structure in my sinus (even though I’d once thought it could possibly be mucous, I’d checked later and thought I’d found it entirely gone one hour and then returned – worm-like, not mucous-like). Dr. Lu wanted to see it, but unfortunately, my computer suddenly went offline, so she told me to go back to the emergency room and show the doctors my photos.
Screen Shot 2019-08-12 at 4.25.51 PM.pngSo I returned, 24 hours later, shaken but confident that a different doctor would see what I saw and not dismiss the clear compelling description I had of the white sticky substance that couldn’t be removed – that was still there for them to take a sample of – and the Q-tips for testing.
When the doctor arrived after hours of my waiting, he sat in a hunched posture with his head bowed, looked at me through harsh, squinting eyes, and began challenging everything I said. He ended with some comment about “mental illness,” and I knew I’d been fooled again into doing what mind control subjects should never do:  give another doctor (potentially in the mind control network) ammunition against my future freedom as a mental healthy person.  I concluded again to myself:  I should never consult Western doctors, no matter how desperate I think the situation.  When the doctor left to finish my paperwork, I left without waiting for him.
The next day, my sinuses were mostly still, but stuffy, and I wondered if the parasiticide had killed whatever it was. With the otoscope, I also noticed there seemed to be a lot of thin white stuff that coated my sinuses in a new way I’d never seen.  (And I’d been looking inside my sinuses almost daily.)  Was it fibers of web?  I followed the hospital advice for a sinus condition and snorted salt water up my nose repeatedly, but it only cleared away what I’d recognized as mucous, while the new white stuff remained untouched.
For the first time I saw the structures of my nose entirely swollen together, the spaces I’d usually peer into were swollen closed.  Now and then, I would sense something wiggle, and I’d wonder if it was just the normal movements of the sinus or if it was a parasite or worm.
I’d remember what I’d learned about life cycles of small organisms:  sometimes major events like egg-laying happen within hours, sometimes days, sometimes years or decades. And I’d wonder what else I should do as a responsible person.
Gathering advice from online, I put peppermint oil on my cheeks and around my ears. I added garlic, onions, and ginger to everything I ate, and hoped that would make my body a poor host for whatever this is.
I didn’t know what else to do.  I don’t know what this thing is.  And I don’t know how it might be related to the other odd organisms I see proliferating in other places on my body.
If I’m delusional, someone explain the white sticky fluff, at least.  And someone take my samples and get them to a lab.
And why were the doctors so adamant, even hostile, about not acknowledging my perceptions?  The whole thing feels like a mind control psy op.
If my experience is of a real parasitic organism, what is it?  Is it a new, secret designer organism?  Will it kill me?  Gruesomely?  How fast?
~
Life is feeling normal again, though my sinuses are still quite stuffy.
I’ve healed the genital infection.
My blood work tells me I’m okay.
The Naturopath was considerate and helpful, and recommends I see a dermatologist to answer what are all the fibers on my body.
And I’ll take the Q-tips to a lab one day when I find one I trust who’ll test them.
I hope I won’t be surprised one day by parasites all hatching in my head.  If they do, and I die, you will all know the backstory, and I’ll ask you to report it to the Flagstaff Medical Center Emergency Room staff.
If nothing ever happens, then I’ll suppose either
1) the parasiticide worked, or
2) there was never a parasite, and it was all my imagination,
a) my own, meaning I have developed a new problem, or
b) someone else’ mind control technology was used to discredit me.
In other words, I’ll continue to live with unknowns and ambiguity.
To do:  Find a dermatologist.