And here’s another from Story, perhaps more to the point, reposted from https://wherespiritstops.wordpress.com/2016/06/09/doing-the-work-of-healing/:
One of the most difficult lessons in acceptance lies in the fact that we encounter situations that may not have been our fault (like a car crash) but which have consequences that require us to do painful, difficult work (like physiotherapy for injuries) in order to get through the experience and ultimately overcome it.
Any lack of acceptance of this fact will leave one stranded and stuck in one’s own life journey, asking why me? and protesting that this isn’t fair. Of course, this attitude doesn’t accomplish anything except to prolong and potentially exacerbate the problem at hand.
The work we are required to do in life never ends; in fact, life has a funny way of finding something for us to do if we have too much stagnant time on our hands. But one can easily find ways to avoid doing the work, especially when it comes to healing one’s own soul from past hurts. This is the most important work we can do for ourselves and the potential for growth, renewal, and reward is exhilarating.
Yet all too often we resist. Because it doesn’t seem fair that we should have to do the work, and perhaps because we fear both how hard it will be, and also how much responsibility for our life we will be claiming as our own. After all, if we believe we can’t heal ourselves, then it’s not our own fault that we’re unhappy, right?
It is terrifying to accept full responsibility for our physical and spiritual lives, and many people are devotedly determined to avoid that responsibility. By claiming responsibility for our own lives, we have the potential to create our own present and future selves in ways that, when we were stuck in our pasts, we could not have imagined. Unfortunately, this thrilling truth is overshadowed by our fear of failure, because if we are solely responsible for our own healing and growth, any sense of failure leaves us with nothing to blame but ourselves.
What if I told you – what if I outright promised you – that you have the power to dream yourself into a new state of being simply through faith and doing the work? What if I told you that by surrendering to your own responsibilities you could actuallyguarantee a better, happier, healthier, more fulfilling and infinitely free life for yourself? And, you can’t fail. You’ll make mistakes and life will still throw things at you that you’ll have to figure out how to handle. But if you are doing the work, you can’t actually fail at all. It’s a win-win situation where what you’re really doing is claiming your soul’s purpose and living for it.
The only thing you have to do is surrender to the fact that you are responsible for your own life’s happiness and achievement. After that, you will be comforted to know that there is little else to surrender yourself to.
I am writing to you as a survivor of abuse of every sort, beginning as early as I can possibly remember. As a result of this, I suffered a multitude of symptoms of various mental disorders – PTSD, social anxiety, eating disorders, depression, self-harm, and extreme dissociation. I experienced constant body memories, a type of somatic pain that could be excruciating, as if the past abuse was happening in the present moment. I came to identify as a multiple, meaning that I knew my soul was fractured into countless pieces due to the trauma I experienced. The wounds and consequences of my past gripped me in an iron fist of pain and fear and a complete lack of personal power or hope.
I thought I was broken and couldn’t be fixed. I could not recall a time when I had ever felt whole and sane and strong. But by taking complete responsibility for working my own healing, by definition I also claimed all the power over it and am now achieving more than I could have ever dreamed possible.
In the last six months especially, I have been freed from almost every debilitating symptom that I used to experience daily. I’ve been doing hard, relentless work, every single day. It’s not an easy road, but it is my road and to give up healing would be to give up my own personal power.
The most instrumental concepts behind my work towards healing can be summed up in two statements: 1) I am not morally responsible for anything that happened during the years of my abuse, due to the young age at which it began and the way I was kept controlled. 2) I am completely responsible (both causally and morally) for my soul’s purpose now.
To me, it is a simple fact that nothing that happened to me throughout my childhood, and even into my adulthood, was my fault. I did not deserve the abuse I suffered. Further, I had no choice and no freedom during that period of my life, being as much a captive as anyone can be. You can’t blame a prisoner of war for things she was forced to do by her captors under threat of death. I did a lot of unpleasant things under force, and those things aren’t my fault either.
Is it fair that these things happened to me, or that the work I have done has been so difficult, even deeply unpleasant? I don’t think in those terms. I might as well ask if it is fair that my heart must continue beating on and on without rest.
The heart beats because it is the work and purpose of the heart’s existence. Likewise, I heal because it is my soul’s purpose to do so, at least in part.
I believe I can achieve a complete transformation of my body, mind and soul — simply because no one else can do it for me. This is my life’s work, and I accept it with grace and gratitude.
reposted from: https://wherespiritstops.wordpress.com/2016/06/10/shamanic-soul-loss-and-soul-retrieval/#like-3960
Even though I’ve voiced my occasional discomfort with “shamanism,” it is not (or no longer) with the actual practice and life associated with the term. My discomfort is mostly with the casual way that some people approach and undertake methodologies (all the colorful tools, for instance) without understanding the intelligence and energies.
This blog seems to respect the reality better than most – by Story from Where Spirit Stops:
Life takes energy from us violently and traumatically at times. Why this happens is a human question that no human answer will really satisfy. Suffice it to say that suffering affects us all, and when it does, a piece of our personal energy – a piece of our soul – can be severed off from us. We experience this as a piece of ourselves going missing. Losing pieces of ourselves chips away at our power and truth, as well as keeping us from any real healing until the parts are recovered.
For this reason, I advocate a “search and rescue” approach. This means actively seeking our lost parts and working to heal them. I believe it is nearly impossible to get through life without some kind of soul loss, and that people can suffer from deep, crippling soul loss even if they haven’t experienced what they would define as a traumatic event. Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes, and our reactions to events vary from person to person. Also, since I believe a traumatic event can cause soul loss, it follows that until that soul part is found, healed, and re-integrated into the self, one’s memory of that part’s trauma may also be obscured or lost.
How can you know the extent of your soul loss? Consider how you relate to the following symptoms:
- Constant feelings of sorrow, darkness, or fear
- A driving need for distraction (addiction issues, materialism, avoiding alone time)
- Feelings of having no purpose or reason to live
- Lingering, haunting pain from old memories
- Feeling that something is very wrong with you
- Symptoms of PTSD (anxiety, depression, hyper vigilance, fear, avoidance of life’s activities), even if you don’t remember a past traumatic event
It is likely that the more you relate to these symptoms, the greater your soul loss is.
Shamanic practitioners who practice soul retrieval might offer instant relief from your suffering and require only faith from the sufferer. I believe that healing and other magic require both faith and action. A practitioner ought not to merely tell someone about the soul part(s) they retrieved, but help that person connect with them personally. As I mentioned, my way of healing advocates “search and rescue” first. I believe finding and building a healing relationship with your lost soul parts is more important than trying to integrate them into yourself immediately. Finding a missing part is the first step towards healing, and beyond that, it’s best not to push. You might end up pushing the lost part away without realizing it. Instead, build a relationship with this soul part just as you would with a spirit guide, and strive to be as honest with yourself as possible.
Story is a shamanic practitioner, offering her services. I have done and do the same occasionally. I encourage everyone, though, to never put yourself passively into anyone else’s care, even or especially doctors; you are responsible for your own healing – though getting help is often essential – and learning that self-responsibility is not just the most important thing in our lives, but essential to our soul’s development.
Today, I’m stronger than ever for having accepted the responsibility of healing myself from the shit that others did to me when I was an innocent child. I do believe that even that shit can be the trigger that leads to my soul’s eventual positive evolution. And much of my work is exactly what Story describes. She wrote about it better than I ever have. Thank you, Story.
The John Hall radio interview I wrote about recently has given me hope that we can find ways to protect ourselves from electronic harassment.
I decided first to try “binaural brainwave entrainment.”
The impressive results over just a day and a half are only anecdotal, of course, and could very well be coincidental, but here they are:
Supposedly, binaural brainwave entrainment helps some to cancel out electronic harassment. John Hall mentioned the Banzai Labs company in particular, here: http://www.banzailabs.com/brainwaveapps.html.
I downloaded their modestly-priced app on my iPhone (“best reviewed app of its kind in the iTunes app store”/$3.99 – can also be used with other products) and walked around all day yesterday, plus the night before, with various tones humming behind music in my ear buds.
(Even though I don’t usually keep my iPhone near me, I was motivated to at least try it for a few days.)
The sound experiences cause the hemispheres of the brain to entrain at frequencies associated with peace, or well-being, sleep, focus, concentration, stress-relief, etc – you choose what you want on a simple dial. You can layer over a variety of relaxing music – or even your own.
To my surprise, I woke up yesterday at 2:30 am (!) and felt well rested, energized, and ready to work! Got up at 3, thinking I’d definitely need a nap, but instead – with the ear buds in all day – I worked with “concentration,” sat in the garden with “relaxation” or “stress-relief” when I was beginning to feel stressed – and I worked VERY productively until 11 pm, and needed very little of my relaxing herbs that day. I then went to bed at 11:30, slept well again, and woke this morning at 5:30, feeling very well-rested and looking forward to the day. What a relief!
The productivity of my day was wonderful! I got a series of complicated projects completed that I’ve been unable to even face for a year! I finally cleared a number of important projects off my desk. Worked creatively too. Visited one friend in person, and enjoyed a long talk with another friend last night. I even responded to my cat’s many requests throughout the day that I go out in the garden with her for a little break – and I took quite a few nice breaks yesterday.
Was it a coincidence? Did the controllers also coincidentally give me something that first night to give me energy? (I have absolutely believed they have that capability and have done it to me.) Or was it my expectations? Or – as is John Hall’s theory – did I block the electronic harassment and get back my normal, productive mind?
I want to believe this is possible. I don’t want to believe that, via electronics, thousands of us can be harassed mercilessly until we die.
Of course, I can’t help but notice that my left shoulder (yeah, the left shoulder) is buzzing again, like crazy. I took off my ear buds and set them on either side of the new implant site, and while there the buzzing was gone. Removed, it began buzzing again after a minute or so. Retested, again it stopped then began buzzing like crazy again, as it has all year. It’s not the worst; at best, it’s a reminder of what I face, keeping me serious about my healing needs.
As with any technology, as soon as we find a work-around, they’ll be working on their own work-around, so we’ll probably need to keep vigilant, keep educating ourselves, keep sharing ideas, and keep praying for direction. And that’s not a bad thing; it’s good.
Sometimes I think of this as all a test. We might think it feels cruel, like torture, and I can be ready to give up and die. But before I’m in total, absolute despair, they always back off, leave me alone, and I build myself back up again. But that’s not enough.
What’s the lesson? If it is a test, if we’re not entirely powerless, which I don’t believe we are, what is the lesson??? What are we to learn from this torturous experience?
I want to believe that we are only faced with threats on Earth for a reason – to learn how to deal with them. And one of them might be to learn how to manage our own bio-electric systems to a degree we’ve never yet considered possible before. And I’m ready to take that on.
Indeed, as multi-dimensional beings, we exist on other dimensions – vibrational realms, even though we may not access it consciously very often. Since this is part of our multi-dimensional nature, maybe we’re called – as part of our next evolutionary learning – to develop this awareness and these skills, the same way we’ve been learning this century to manage nutrition, exercise, and attitude. Bio-electricity is our next challenge.
Maybe? Well, I’m game. My new goal is to imagine the extent to which we might have un-examined and under-utilized power.
John Hall had more to write about mental entrainment (generally, not just electronically) to the controller’s games – and that’s what I’ll write about next.
Thanks for reading, Friends.
You’d think that if you were watching a movie, and the camera zoomed in on the watch that the main character wore and kept checking, so tight a zoom that the watch face more than filled the screen, you’d notice the time. And you’d especially notice the time if the character repeated the action and the director repeated the zoom four or five times.
Not me. And because the time – always the same – was critical to the plot about time loops, I didn’t understand the movie until my friend told me the time was always 7:42 (or whatever; I don’t remember).
Realizing what I had stubbornly refused to see – at least with my conscious mind – was a powerful shock and an important and helpful wake-up call. My recent life, the last 22 years, has been a series of such shocks and awakenings.
It was the spring of 1994 when I realized, to my horror, that I was a “multiple personality.” In the 22 years since, I’ve realized I’m a unique sort of multiple – not the kind with random parts that highjack the system and lead crazy-making alternative lives for hours or years at a time.
No, my “system” [multiple personality jargon] seems to be quite organized in comparison, and even to function well enough that I’ve won awards and national and international recognitions for achievements in everything from news reporting and fundraising to videography and Permaculture education. This isn’t unusual for multiples, as many of us are geniuses.
My system of alternate personalities – I believe I have a wealth of evidence to prove – was crafted by psychiatrists and mind control researchers beginning shortly after I was born. My history begins with the CIA’s Human Ecology Project (a front for mind control research) on the campus of UC Davis, where I lived from age 3 days to 14 months. After that, we moved to Merced where the cousin of the Secretary of the Interior, Addison Udall, was my pediatrician. After my 1st and 2nd grades, for which I have total amnesia, my family moved into a new custom home that backed up to or near a home of Stewart Udall.
My history continues matching many aspects of the stories of other mind control subjects around the United States and Canada who’ve either published their stories, testified before Congress, or whose counselors or therapists have told their stories, or whose details have been compiled in research.
My mind control programming seems to have been constructed along the lines detailed by DC Hammond, the psychiatrist who first came forward and described this problem and its possible cure to the American Psychological Association in the 1980s; and by the controversial researcher Fritz Springmeyer, who presents a diagram of typical alters, scores or hundreds, constructed in shells, like a computer program, making it possible for someone to command a particular alter to perform a particular function perfectly when, where, and as desired by the use of cues, similar to pass codes, which access programs which are regularly reinforced and updated. So my multiple-ness doesn’t function randomly or dysfunctionally, as movies and books often portray, but precisely according to some Master Controller’s plan. Usually.
There are exceptions to this, of course. All us mind control subjects, for instance, writing books and testifying was not in the controllers’ plan. Because this is research, not perfected yet. Some of us early research subjects, from the late forties and early fifties, are in our sixties now, and that means that brain cells aren’t being replaced as rapidly, and mental things are deteriorating. What deteriorates might be “simple memory,” as the average person might think of it, but the brain cells lost might also be part of an amnesic wall or part of a program – meaning that we might begin to remember things we’re not supposed to remember, or we might begin not following commands we’re supposed to follow. Indeed, around age 40 – as brain research predicts – I began to remember what I wasn’t supposed to remember.
At first I ignored it, thought it some weird aberration, for which I invented all sorts of theories to override the one thing it seemed to be, put it all in a box, on a high shelf in a mental closet, shut the door, and didn’t think about it again for four years, until another break-through memory happened again. Then I repeated the process: in the box, on the shelf (saved without looking or mentally tampering, to maybe investigate later), shut the door, and forgot.
After another four years and a sudden crisis of cancer, divorce, moving with teens, one seriously ill, and a nervous breakdown – I went to a therapist’s office, listed my challenges, and followed them with words that had never crossed my frontal cortex until I heard my mouth speaking them – quite the surprise: “I think I’ve been sexually abused as a child. [shocked pause] No, no, that’s not what I meant to say. I don’t want to deal with that. I never even thought about it before [lie], and don’t know where it came from. I have more serious, immediately pressing needs to talk about.”
And so began my 22-years-and-counting journey toward understanding what’s been going on with my mind. The first year, 1993-1994, I coped with the shock of memories of sexual abuse and the spells of amnesia that had plagued me. The next 8 years I coped with the shock and self-diagnosis of Multiple Personality Syndrome (aka Dissociative Disorder). And the following/recent 14 years, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with the understanding that I’ve been – not just a regular “multiple” – but a mind-control subject, someone with a psychological and psychiatric “technology” applied to multiple alters in me – created intentionally – your tax dollars at work.
So what does this have to do with not noticing the time? I can only guess, but I know that we can be programmed for any number of things, to support a program of any purpose, sometimes because a subject is being actively used for intelligence purposes (seems unlikely at my age, but possible), and sometimes because a subject is being used for research in new programming techniques, drugs, working with aging subjects, etc.
When I don’t notice the time, it’s easier for my controllers to use me and have me not notice.
In 1994, deep in my initial nervous breakdown depths, I was powerfully moved by the idea that it would be good for me to anchor myself fully in the time cycles of sun and moon and not by clock and calendar, and I lived that way in my hermitage for half of each week while commuting the other half of the week to school in the city. I thought it was a very spiritual concept, a psychic liberation from the broadcast mind control of Gregorian Calendar and chaotic clock; but it could also have been that I was given the command to stop watching the clock, so that I could be more easily used while alone in the desert. In 2000, when I began living there full-time, I quit noticing the time entirely, unless I needed to know.
If forced to look at a clock, as in the movie, I studied the craftsmanship of the frame, or the lighting or camera operator’s techniques. Sometimes, lately, because I’m trying to re-ground myself in time, I see and note the time, and then moments later realize I’ve forgotten it.
I’m still trying to figure out my brain, and try not to feel too bad for finding it so difficult; after all, the government spent a great deal of money and science to keep me from knowing. So I take heart in whatever little scraps of understanding I can gain.
How do we keep going? Maybe Spirit. Maybe our programming. I ask this question often.
In either case, it is usually lonely, because virtually everyone falls in one of two camps: it doesn’t happen, or the likelihood is slim; or they know but they just don’t want to hear about it, sorry.
It’s surprising to recognize how long I’ve been so compromised, forced to compensate with notes, notes, notes, reminders, struggling, lately overwhelmed….
Noticing, though, is the first step to healing. Gotta appreciate what we can.
First published at GardenHealingChurch.org. (I keep thinking this is the last post on this site, but here’s one more.)
This petition, http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/synergy, and all the people commenting on it – inspired me to comment too, and I ended up writing a short essay that presents my story briefly, so I’ll share it here with a few photos added:
After doing media work for the historic “Judi Bari vs FBI” federal trial, in which the feds were found guilty of charges related to an assassination attempt on Judi Bari, my lifelong mind control torment has been seriously amped up.
I’ve woken with Taser burns, a burn on the back of my neck – both third-degree with skin burned off – scoop marks, injection bruises, “donut” bruises, lacerations and punctures in my vagina, healed scars including one my doctor thought was a thyroid surgery scar, total exhaustion, and occasionally dealings that seemed to be with aliens (which could be induced hallucinations or real).
After 13 years of freaking out and being suicidal about my mind control, I’m beginning to see that it’s not a simple horror – it’s actually everything and everywhere. And it may not be human. Everything in nature is under control of many things. Mind control begins with DNA and the elements like weather, then language and our calendar, then economics, laws, education, government, etc. And eventually science did to people what it’s done to the Earth – turned everything into a resource. We are human resources; they’ve been honest in calling us that! We’ve heard it and shrugged. Now we’re realizing it’s full implications, and it’s shocking. One more major trauma in the history of humanity. (Think back: much of history is trauma.)
Without hope in the other realms, we on Earth have been reduced to resources, regardless that we’ve been led along with lies about freedom, human rights, etc. If we only have this Earth life in which to hope, then we must toe Their line or be seriously punished.
[Can we tell them (since they’re spying and listening all the time), “Hey, I change my mind. I’ll quit whistle blowing [or whatever] and join you”? if we’re willing to sacrifice our beliefs for relief (as it seems others must be doing)? I don’t know. I’ve gone to that edge and wondered, but haven’t crossed it.]
Mostly, I believe I have Helpers in other realms who rescue or resuscitate me now and then, though I do have to suffer indignities and pain and loss of will to live and sheer energy to live – way more often than I sometimes think I have the spirit to sustain, but then my Helpers bring me back. (Or might it be the controllers, keeping me alive for another day? I don’t know. I think I’ll chose the more palatable option, my Helpers.)
It’s a weird life to live. Good thing I know we have other lifetimes, so I can feel less attached to this one. It helps to step into the role of Witness. We are witnesses of an incredible time in human history – from the deepest darkest inside, which few see and fully understand, but we do. There’s something important in our role, as witnesses regarding human evolution. It’s incredibly lonely because no one wants to hear, but it’s important. And one day, maybe on another realm, we’ll help others understand how this came about, so maybe we can help protect the future. Don’t know. Playing with ideas. Imagining from a higher height….
As far as this world right now, though, I’ve quit believing we can change anything through political action, like this petition – BUT, I know I could be wrong, so I hedge my bets and support causes like this one that encourage us – but I don’t see the possibility in America anymore. On the other hand, I KNOW we get help from Other Realms – rarely when we think it’s due, but enough.
And that’s another silver lining: having lost all hope in this Earth insanity, we are forced to cut our emotional connections to Earth life and look beyond. Atheists, I know, will hate this, but I do appreciate that this pain does send me into other realms where I believe it is important to connect, and I don’t otherwise, as least not as often as would probably be good for me, because Earth happenings and all the entertainment is way too entrancing. It’s almost like our mind control tortures us so badly that we are saved from the mainstream soul-deadening delusions of the masses, slowly boiling like frogs in a pot; whereas, we are the frogs that jumped out of our mesmerized complacency, thanks to the extra-high heat.
[I write and video blog about my life and struggles on Paradigm Salon.net, my other sites, and in my book, RattleSnake Fire, called “not only great literature, but an important historical document.”]
Blessings on us all. Peace, friends. Please don’t give up too easily. Remember this world is bigger and more complicated than we can know; and the bully in our life might be about to get whumped by someone bigger. We don’t know, but we shouldn’t discount it when the stakes are so high – our life.
Also, leaving this life (as many people entertain, including me) may not be an escape, if the other dimensions are extensions of this, as I believe they are. So it behooves us to develop our extra-dimensional minds, as the only way to see a bigger picture and have a chance.
At the moment, we are in trauma at the hands of the most Powerful people on Earth; therefore our only salvation is beyond this Earth, where we can’t go, or beyond this dimension, which we can. I conclude: it’s time to develop our extra-dimensional minds.
I hope this helps someone. Compassion for all.
As someone who used to call herself an “Earth First!er,” I have a very difficult thing to say:
I no longer believe we’re supposed to necessarily remain on this planet, Earth.
Yeah, this is shocking to me too.
But consider this:
~ All the planet’s water is poisoned and major sources destroyed
~ The land is poisoned from pole to pole
~ The air is polluted by multiple sources, including chemtrails
~ Food genes have been modified to not reproduce
~ Weather is apparently manipulated
~ Fracking is causing earthquakes and toxic water in wells and springs
And that’s just what’s been done to the planet. We humans also face:
~ Multiple concurrent wars
~ Biological and technological weapons beyond our understanding
~ Warrantless searches and secret courts
~ Pervasive spying on everyone
~ Ineffective governments, rigged elections, and rigged voting booths
~ Corporations controlling governments and economies
~ Economies unjust and vulnerable beyond anyone’s imagination
~ Poverty and malnutrition growing everywhere, including in the US
~ The “free press” controlled by corportions
~ Families and cultures fragmented
~ Individuals isolated
~ Justice system racist and arbitrary
~ Prisons corporatized and growing
~ Mind control happening on multiple levels
~ Assassinations common and not investigated
~ Slavery, including sexual and child slavery, growing
~ Local communities militarized
~ Major figures guilty of child sex slavery not investigated
~ Most Americans, and many children, on mood/mind-altering drugs
~ And: Lots of electronic gadgets offering custom-made entertainment instantly, constantly, and inexpensively.
And everyone continues to act like things are normal!
And good-hearted people (like me) continue to try to work for good causes like protecting our local water source from destruction, but we waste our time asking politicians to act in the public good.
That’s insane. And then we do nothing more, as if we’ve “acted.” Arghhhh! to political action.
Psychopathology is the word most commonly used today to describe the people pulling all the strings on the planet today, but I’m not sure. It could be psychopathology, but I think there could be another reason.
The gods may have decided (again) it is time to clear the planet of humankind So, just as a gardener clears a flower bed, or a cook super-cleans a cutting board, a lot of life is getting disrupted, but the web of life will re-heal.
We think those destroying the planet are psychopaths, but maybe they are no more than we are to the microbes in our soil.
I get glimpses now and then that some vibrational current will soon separate from the ugly energies on the planet, and we’ll relax and live out in another dimension, Heaven on Earth.
But this “dimensional shift” theory may only be the only way I can imagine staying on this planet. As Earth seems to be becoming unfit for life – fulfilling ancient prophecies from across the globe.
Bummer. I hate to confirm such devastating ideas, and the ring of religion only makes it worse. But at least I don’t keep talking to psychopathic politicians, trying to convince them to have a heart.
Still, I’ll hold out hope that I’m wrong, and the Life-giving will soon overpower the Death-dealing.
Lonely, obedient, good girl, good student, shy, dancer, math and puzzle genius, occasional amnestic, community theater performer, raped, reluctant sorority girl, reluctant beauty queen, college run-away hitchhiker, Jesus hippie, minister’s wife, battered, mother, divorced, children conned away by ex, atheist, woken out of a trance, children returned, degreed in broadcast journalism, UPI award-winning radio reporter, remarried, business owner, PR consultant to social service and activist organizations, board member and president, Permaculture certified, radical activist, pantheist, arrested twice, jailed twice, Tasered twice, news feature “Supermom,” winner of more awards and recognitions, divorced again, child with cancer, offered ownership of $3-4 million birdwatching world-tour business, flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse, nervous breakdown, business offer passed, unable to work, praying again, son healed, aware of dissociative parts, confidant of healing, master of non-fiction creative writing, desert hermit, builder of small passive solar strawbale home, experiencer of many things shamanic, including Jesus, memoirist, in love with old high school crush, moved to new city, engaged, a real estate agent, disengaged, award-winning agent, offered six-figure management position (declined), hermit again, UFO experiencer, shamanic initiate, media consultant to successful “Judi Bari v FBI” car-bomb trial, psychically attacked, suddenly aware of life-long mind control subjection, relieved that life makes sense, terrified, near-suicidal, partnered with teepee-dwelling artist, budding artist in pencil and fiber, repeatedly terrified, mysteriously vaginally cut, heart attack, spiritually healed and encouraged, environmental activist again, solar oven educator, passive solar designer, single again, driven from hermitage by poverty, moved to small town, student of consciousness, Transpersonal Hypnotherapist™, author, mind control activist, mysteriously Tasered, mysteriously bruised, healing dissociative splits, encouraged, despairing, home renovator in natural plaster sculpture, passive solar advocate, Permaculture designer, identified with Persephone, enjoying the spring, identified with Black Elk, committed to service… old woman.
This idea has been coming on for a long time.
There’s no reason to write anymore here.
I’ve been withholding a lot in the last year or so anyway, feeling there are things I know that I’m just not willing to commit to print, and so I point out details or tell my experiences, and leave readers to connect the pieces. But I’ve been withholding more and more recently.
Besides withholding, I spend so many hours trying to communicate intense, multi-dimensional realities in the language of this 3D world, yet have no idea whether my readers are real and I’m helping them, or if I’m writing for mostly agents – or if my words are published as I actually write them. I’ve seen too many weird things happen on my computer to really want to invest too much more here.
Finally, maybe most important, writing keeps me locked in the past when I could be looking forward and grounding into my present with more attention.
So I’m saying good-bye on this site to spend more time in my garden and art studio, with friends, grounded in my actual world, and better connected to my Helpers.
I’m very tired of this virtual world.
And I recommend my readers also look for what they need inside themselves, in Nature, within their community, and from their Helpers.
I’ll leave this site up for the information it contains, but don’t expect any new blogs here.
If you want to know what I’m doing beyond this, I’ll probably continue to blog every week or so on my other sites – Home & Garden Inspiration, Garden Healing Church, and Jean Eisenhower.com, and the other sites near the bottom of the right column.
A bit more on Why:
No one who doesn’t already understand wants to hear this stuff. They claim their right to not listen because it’s too scary, and their own lives are already filled with more drama than they can handle, or if it’s not, they want to keep it that way, and it’s their right. It’s only natural. It’s survival.
Therefore, this task is futile, and I should find better things to do.
We might think we need others to hear and understand. But after that, there’s really not a lot anyone can do but sympathize. And that gets old and, in a sense, by putting the information in another person’s head, locks us into that picture in another person’s mind. So we communicators get nothing useful, and they get bummed out.
The only enlivening thing, after we’ve learned to develop better skills of perceiving and responding where we’ve been blinded, is to keep on with the cosmic dance of creating as much beauty and goodness as we can in our moment of life here.
I’m on to other things.
I’ve been neglecting to share, or minimizing, the fact that my strange experiences – that often seem related to mind control and sometimes to “alien” weirdness – are sometimes accompanied by events that seem to be spiritual healings.
This is HUGE. And I want to explain – if only to myself – why I’ve minimized this fact.
I’ve been hesitant to claim them publicly because, in the context of mind control, it’s confusing to me and I assume to others, because mind control, as I understand it, is done by humans for dark and dark purposes, whereas healings seem spiritual and positive – and they often seem to be related.
Of course, sometimes I’ve wondered if those with dark purposes are only healing me to keep me alive for more of their dark purposes, but I won’t assume that’s the truth necessarily.
Outside the context of mind control, I’ve worried that the healings might be construed by others as “spiritual bragging,” i.e., I’m so special that spiritual beings granted me this miracle – even when I hadn’t asked!
Uncertain how to overcome these hurdles in my head, I waited, thinking I’d eventually understand, and now years have gone by while I wrestled with this quandary, and I apologize for minimizing this very positive aspect of my story.
Here are some of the experiences:
(more fully described with many more in my book RattleSnake Fire, 2008)
Usually in the evenings, and usually while alone, but not always, I sometimes get a sudden and powerful sensation of energy that seems to pour into me from my head or neck and flow, over the course of maybe 10-30 seconds, down throughout my body. The sensations feel wonderful, and I’ve described them in various ways – sometimes as healing or clearing, sometimes filling me up and making me feel my cells are enlarging, to such an extent that it seems my vertebrae are spreading apart, lengthening my spine, so that I need to adjust my body to “allow room” for a bigger, taller me!
Sometimes I’ve called the energy “the Hulk routine,” because it’s so powerful. (Remember the Hulk got his power in order to whoop bad guys.) Indeed, the power has often been so great that I could not resist moving with it, bending forward to make room for the energy flow down my back, my arm and leg muscles also moving with the force. When someone else was around, if they already knew about this, I’d often attempt a weak muscle-man pose to indicate “this again” – since I couldn’t speak while this was happening.
Sometimes I’ve been frightened by this, as when a friend suggested it might be “a possession.” And, indeed, I’ve strongly resisted it at times, but it overpowers me.
Other times, these have been so clearly healing. Once, while visiting some friends and feeling weirdly distressed, I went alone into the dining room, sat down, and first felt a procession of teenager selves lift off me and up into another dimension. After looking down and seeing the energetic form of my legs which seemed to be hollow from the knees down, suddenly golden energy poured through me like a golden cascade flowing down into my feet and legs.
I was fascinated because a decade earlier a Rolfer had told me he could see no aura beneath my knees and had begun his work there and continued to work all year to bring energy into them and never told me he succeeded. I theorized that I must have lost that grounding during the trauma of my teen years, and now the trauma seemed dramatically released (odd place and time, but I accepted!) and the space within me filled with Goodness.
These inpourings of energy have been so frequent that I couldn’t begin to count them without going through at least twelve years of journals.
After my most recent, probably third, heart attack last month, I had two such healing events. One happened, incongruously – proving that this comes from an outside source, not my own doing or imagination – while watching a video with a friend. Of course, I was surprised at the timing, but grateful, and didn’t even mention it to my friend. That night, while lying in bed, drifting off to sleep, I was awakened by the healing energies again. They were “the usual”: wonderful, expansive, clearing, and healing. The next day, after 12 days of extreme weakness, I woke feeling very well, and my 12-day long crisis was passed.
The meaning of this? I think I know, but don’t want to say.
You, Readers, formulate your own theories. Don’t get stuck as I have been too long, thinking the horrors are only horrors. There could be something else at work.
I’ll talk about this more later.
Blessings on you and on us all.
I could not have been more surprised.
I’ve investigated every sort of information I thought would help me either make sense of the strange and sometimes horrifying (apparently trans-dimensional) experiences I’ve had – or help me stop them or appropriately deal with them. I’ve read about religion and spiritual/demonic attack, mind control and criminal hypnosis, and the psychology of fear and obsession (in case I could be creating or triggering this by the power of my mind, as some people believe and imply).
I’ve practiced prayer, shamanism, reading Tarot, other divination methods, ignoring it, positive thinking, and more, and continued to sometimes* feel like a babe in the woods, still subject to waking with bruises, scoop marks, burns, and other scars, including sometimes apparently surgical scars and third-degree burns (very hard to imagine I was creating this myself!) – with amnesia for the cause of these injuries and deep-gut anxiety and disabling dread – since 2002, when (coincidentally?) I did work that offended the FBI.
(*I said sometimes because, thankfully, these events have not been happening in these recent 8 months since I cleared my home of excess “spiritual paraphernalia” [a clue?] and called again on Christ; since then, I’m happy to say, I’ve been mostly free of weird experiences – though I found an unexplained burn on the back of my neck on June 30.)
While I’ve usually interpreted my ongoing experiences as the result of mind control and/or spiritual attack (yes, could be both at once), I’ve never said for certain that any particular theory was sufficient – because I don’t believe we currently have the worldview and language to sufficiently describe the multi-dimensional nature of these intrusions into the human experience, as least as we’re perceiving it now.
And even though I’ve been mostly injury-free for eight months, I still suffer from memory problems much like a multiple personality, but not nearly so bad as how it’s typically perceived and presented in media. Nevertheless, I want to heal myself of whatever has been going on.
So imagine my surprise to be loaned I Ching: The Oracle of the Cosmic Way, by Carol K. Anthony and Hanna Moog – and to discover it talks extensively about “spells” and deprogramming!!!
I’ve seen a lot of self-help books, and this is the only one I’ve ever found that talks specifically about deprogramming, in a spiritual sense!
I’ll let you know how it goes. Meanwhile, perhaps some of you will purchase (Addall.com link) one or both books yourself, and let me know what you think!
Peace and Healing to you all ~
I’ll share more later ~
(PS: Again, the BEST place to buy used books is Addall.com, where you can often pay only a few cents more and not have to buy from the amazon Amazon. And you can see the prices of small and large booksellers all over the world – on one site! Tell your friends how to boycott the amazon.
(Why? Because small booksellers are the ones who support small-niche authors and provide us information on topics that the mainstream corporatists don’t want us to have. Thanks for supporting independent authors and small publishers, by keeping the small publishers and small distributors in business.)
Written in August, forgotten, rediscovered:
Research documenting the importance of this plant medicine:
Too many of us are emotionally traumatized in this world today, and mind control is just one sort. Our trauma can have serious mental health implications, and the worst way to deal with them is usually under a doctor’s direction – usually with pharmaceuticals. Dr. Kelly Brogan is an important contrary voice!
If you want support for your mental health while you deal with emotional trauma, please watch/listen to this video:
My favorite part was when they discussed spiritual breakthroughs – sometimes experienced as kundalini events, though I’ve experienced breakthroughs in other ways as well – which doctors have no training to understand and often confuse with mental illness when it’s only the body’s natural mechanism for discharging traumatic memories.
Don’t be discouraged about having already been on pharmaceuticals, as she has a protocol for helping people taper off.
She also has two methods to help people resolve mental health challenges in thirty days that works often without any further treatment. Please share this info!
And let me know your thoughts!
Blessings on your healing path.
In this video, I outline a few of the “political connections” to mind control in my life (Dwight Eisenhower, the CIA’s mind control front Human Ecology Project, Stuart Udall, and Dan Quayle), then describe the spiritual forces in my life, with which I’ve danced for decades and now have more consciously aligned for the purpose of serving others.
I hope this video (as short and concise as I could make it) will inspire.
On the way home from a soak in the Gila (Wilderness) Hot Springs on Monday, we pulled off the highway and up to the top of Cienega Ridge, where we enjoyed a 360-degree view of the wilderness. The view, weather, and setting were as perfect as two people could ask for.
We were, as expected, wonderfully relaxed and sat there longer than we’d imagined we might.
The next day, the sometimes to-be-expected de-tox kicked in. I’d been suffering from an out-of-joint sacro-iliac for a few weeks, compounded by a bad chiropractic treatment (bad in more ways than one) which had made me hurt so badly that the next chiropractor didn’t want to do much until he’d seen x-rays – I was in that bad a shape after the first “doctor.” I’d followed through and had gotten the x-rays, which only showed what I’ve known for a few years – and had told the first doctor, which he scoffed at: bone spurs, flattened disks, and more – though no one has compared the two sets of x-rays yet – that no serious damage was done by the first jerk – er, doctor.
Thankfully, the second, good doctor (Dr. Rios, at HMS, for local readers) was cautious and careful, got me back into a stable place once again, and the hot springs brought me back almost to normal – but I still had to de-tox.
Detox is a natural bodily process to release toxins, which we can encourage by taking in certain foods, herbs, and fluids, maybe using clay internally or externally, exercise, and soaking in pure, warm, relaxing water, among other methods.
Generally, it’s thought of as a release of material toxins, but I seem to have also needed to release toxic emotions as well – from my encounter with that violent and egocentric doctor who dismissed my concerns about my spine – and violently, repeatedly crushed me, worse than any chiropractor I’ve ever had – and I’ve had a few since a minor automobile accident over 20 years ago. (More about the doctor in a moment.)
And I believe I did release those emotions. Yesterday, I felt like hell. I had no energy. I felt like crying. And I was angry, appropriately, I believe.
I’d already called the first chiropractor’s office and left him a message, which he ignored. And I’d called the New Mexico Attorney General’s Office, and was waiting for their help with whom to report this misguided man to. While waiting, I decided to also report him to the Sexual Assault Support Services (yes, that was part of the “more ways than one” bad-ness) and the Silver City Police, both of which I did.
The licensing board for NM chiropractors has received my initial call, and so my detox is nearly complete.
So keep doing your work! It might not always be easy. But there are also those days when we soak in the spring, see tiny new frogs making their first forays into life, and sit on the mountaintop, breathing pure air, watching clouds, and hawks and beautiful blue beetles.
Each person experiences different aspects. It’s okay – I say – to tell others, “I am here, and this is what I see and experience.”
It’s a big, beautiful, horrific yin yang.
What’s a person on this edge to do?
Die? (No, I already decided that; just mentioned it for rhetoric, a perfectly good subject of philosophical deliberation.)
Or communicate, negotiate…?
Is it possible in this moment in history? (I do it, but… I wonder a lot.)
Only from other realms, it lately seems…
but I am always open to the possibility of miracles and surprising energies…. upsetting everything. And like a smoldering fire, the whole place erupts.
[What the hell am I still doing here? I thought I’d be outa here before things went crazy. I think I’ve always assumed that’s what I’d bargained for.
Yeah, but I’m seeing a picture that implies staying here. Sheesh.
– Where’d that come from? A different alter adding her stuff in the middle of my essay.]
Some experience Earth differently.
All these things – creation to commerce – have been attributed to gods and other beings from the heavens throughout history. Most of them apply to Jehovah. All of them apply to the Sumerian gods, the Annunaki. And many to the gods of every other culture on Earth. Not all are in the histories, but a good many.
And Mind Control – MK – happens to work a whole lot like the entire rest of the world. As if it was intrinsic to this world. As if it was our world. I.e., we live in mind control; we are mind controlled by virtue of living on Earth at this time in history; all of us are subject, just to what degree and for what purposes is the question.
Sometimes I feel I can accept it. Sometimes I feel like the saddest victim on the planet. And sometimes I feel like just one of thousands of test subjects, suffering like –
– like the plants I forget to water, or my chickens I cage and try to treat well, but I don’t all the time. I’m not evil. I’m just not fully conscious, at least not all the time. And I imagine having less-than-perfect creator demi-gods, bumbling a bit, like novice gardeners, resident doctors, first-year teachers, or well-meaning and established – but absent-minded – professors.
Or maybe they’re brilliant angels, but they’re under attack.
Or – I get it – they’re brilliant angels, under attack, and they’re trying to rescue some of us from this Earth trap (of mind control), and it would sure be easier if I’d – and everyone would – wake up, more.
Whatever, I don’t know; but I’m starting to see the polarities blur more than ever, and the terror turning to mist and drifting away as I see these other energies as accidents, not acts of Satanic psychopaths, but rather maybe even by our friends and family, trying unsuccessfully to rescue us, like an animal in a trap who hurts itself in the net the rescuers have for it, not because they are evil, but because of the unnecessary struggle.
But that could be Mind Control, seducing, “Don’t you worry….”
Should I relax and not take so much personally, not try to understand, not try to change things?
Or should I be a hero and lead the way for victim’s rights on Earth?
Why has no one else tried to do this already?
Because no one wants to hear.
Other times I think I’m nothing special and I should get over myself and just try to live a happy life with what good days they give me.
Then I think that idea is just a carrot they dangle to keep their subject alive another day.
And I think they don’t deserve to suck my soul like this.
A while back, I wrote about the right to decide it’s a “good day to die” – because I wanted to die.
My reasons I thought were compelling (and, I thought, in line with a newish New Mexico law): As a mind control subject, I am not only dissociative, but have suffered from regular, unexplainable, random events that happened usually while I slept and left me scared, scarred (literally), and often debilitated for days or weeks at a time – and were happening way too frequently (twice a week) to believe I could still make a living, socialize and contribute to my community, and be happy when I didn’t know when the next “hit” would come.
It really seemed as though I were victim to the same mysterious forces depicted by numerous artists like this one – typically a woman, unconscious in her bed, with a demon on her chest. Prayers didn’t seem to help.
Nevertheless, I knew I’d been through difficult times before and would later feel happy and confident again, and I was willing to believe it was possible I could be at least content again – though it seemed unlikely, I was willing to believe it was possible – so I determined to “get my affairs in order,” in the event I continued to feel this way, but not act too hastily, and be open to the possibility of seeing things anew.
Now, weeks later, my affairs (will and medical directives) are in order, and I’m still in a place of openness and tentative hope. I’ve had a few more profound experiences that feel “healing” in a sense, and I know that more is possible.
Therefore, I found it interesting when this video came across my desk this morning, about others choosing this option:
It reminded me that I should update you all, who might have worried about me – and thank those of you who’ve written me over the past weeks to ask about how I’m doing and offer your concern. I’m making no immediate decision, but have found help and counseling for various issues: my heart, which is getting better with supplements of CoQ10, DHEA, magnesium, and more; my TMJ, which has become very problematic and sometimes painful – if my insurance company will cover it; and even my thumbs which were damaged in an old skiing accident and now my right has become a trigger-thumb making it difficult to knit or even write my name – though typing is fine. The controllers seem to have given me a bit of a break, I assume because they want me alive, not because they have any compassion. Oh yes, and I’m talking with a counselor, exploring other ways in which I might frame my situation and doing “somatic trauma therapy” – which impressed me yesterday with a quick exercise that released a heart and neck pain immediately!
I still feel tired a lot, but I’m moving forward as though I might continue to contribute to our world:
I am still a distributor for Sun Ovens, and will demonstrate them at our local, upcoming Earth Day (and sell them at the lowest-possible price to anyone – ;} – anywhere in the continental US – anytime, on my other website),
And I plan to go into debt to finish the natural plastic sculpture I began in my house over five years ago. (The unfinished tree sculpture is central in my living room/library/craft room/office here.)
So, life goes on. It feels better conjuring hope than not. Even if we have to pretend we have power to craft our life story, that pretense has power, sometimes very little, but enough to get me moving, enough to get me in the garden or at the art table, and it feels important to try to continue to make meaning.
Nutritional food is critical too. And sunlight. And exercise. I’ve had to force all these on myself to generate a new will to live. Simple things, but critical. Any readers suffering like me, please remember these simple things. And do what you can do. We might find meaning after all – again. And it would be sad to leave too soon to discover that.
PS: It’s important, also, I believe, to acknowledge the good in hitting the bottom: With nothing left to lose, I began speaking truth to myself and to my partner. Those truths were very hard to tell, but they’ve had very good results. And who knows, but they might be the very most important thing that has happened.
So I’m respecting even these very hardest of times as critical to my life.
Blessings on you all, dear Readers ~
This colored pencil sketch is by Asante Riverwind, my former partner, from 2003-2005. He said it was a portrait of me.
Since I’d been having years of spontaneous shamanic experiences while living in my hermitage, each of the emblems in this portrait had some meaning – but I never thought carefully about how all the parts went together.
It’s interesting how we can sometimes fail to see what’s right in front of us.
Now, ten years later, I find this all quite disturbing – but something I can deal with.
On a card we made of this art, he’d written this poem:
Monsoon Rain “Dancer”
Star-winged serpent clouds gifting
cleansing waters and lightning’s fire
quenching thirsts of the life-blood
of turtle island earth
While the snake or serpent is an ancient symbol of life, renewal and transformation, it’s usually depicted in an ouroboros – a circle, egg-shape, or infinity symbol – with the snake eating its own tail, consuming its own life. I don’t know about this star-winged serpent.
I’d always thought those star wings were on me, a symbol of some power to access the cosmos, perhaps – I never saw before that they belonged to the serpent. And I thought the snake was near me, but now I see both the serpent and the wings are not only way too close to my back, but appear almost attached! And they’re both larger than me, seeming to overwhelm me! The snake is even tangled in my hair, representing thought, and even bursting through my hair.
The snake is golden, a symbol of the power ruling our world for ages; whereas my body, naked, is red and blue, the swirling colors of nature’s blood. And my humanness is clearly overwhelmed by that unnatural, golden, reptilian power of the night.
And why is the word “Dancer“ in quotation marks? Maybe I’m not really dancing, but in a trance, dancing like a puppet, controlled by… the snake. My face is not just solemn or quiet, but looks definitely unhappy.
Also, I seem to be cramped beneath the upper frame, as if unable to rise, prohibited by the frame of another twining, golden snake. The power is not singular, but constructed, like mind control, in layers.
The rain, which we love in the desert, is an absolute deluge in this art, too much – and water symbolizes emotion. Everyone knows I’ve been highly emotional about this mind control I’ve so long sought to escape – to the point of desiring death more times than I can count.
And the dancer’s intimate region is wide open, and red, as if hurting – as I have been, for years, for all my life, actually, as readers know.
(There’s more I could discuss, but that’s enough for now.)
Today I see this art as representing me under mind control: entranced, kept from rising, exposed intimately, trapped in a royal cage, overwhelmed and controlled by a powerful being of the proverbial night.
Since Asante’s artwork has value and cachet among some people, I’ve been proud to own this piece, especially of me. And I paid Asante $500 for this – a voluntary gift, actually – an amount I thought generous, but which I could do because I’d just sold my home and wanted to help him in his move – so of course I’ve usually displayed this art, though privately – meaning, in my bedroom, which is where I often pray.
I now believe it was not a good item to have in my prayer room.
So I’ve just ritually destroyed it in fire.
And I realize we’re on the cusp of an Easter morning now, and so I hereby I assert my own resurrection.
It feels good. And powerful.
So be it.
And I’ll create my own art, perhaps tomorrow, using my symbols of my life.
Aren’t we always in the possibility of rebirth?
I claim it.
I wish I’d promoted it as soon as I heard of it. I just didn’t know it was going to be so good.
It may be available for a fee. Check it out.
Hi Friends ~
I just watched my third video again for the first time in many months and believe this is also worthy of another view: “Part 2: My Experience as a Multiple Personality.”
Thanks for watching – it’s just under ten minutes, with lots in it (third one down): https://paradigmsalon.net/videos/
And the fourth video is a ten-minute reading of the beginning of a powerful book by Ann Diamond, A Certain Girl. Powerful even after many listenings! Thank you, Ann, for writing it, and for permission to read it.
No longer an activist; no longer an Earth First!er.
Activist has been my identity since I fought the dress code in high school and was sent home to change, seething at the hypocrisy of it, the requirement that women wear skirts, and in all weather, and little girls too, hampering their play. Pissed me off.
And locking my neck to the front axle of a roadgrader to stop an astrophysical development on Mount Graham was another highlight of my life, far more important to me than any of the awards and recognitions I frequently won in the mainstream world.
In fact, I often chose activism over other more professionally-enhancing and money-earning work I could have done, leaving me today among the poorest of the poor people on Social Security. Oh well.
I’m proud of my life. There are not many choices I regret. And I saved some habitat on that mountain, as well as a historic elementary school that anchors a large, mostly Hispanic neighborhood, helped victims and perpetrators of domestic violence, helped get a couple of community radio stations launched, and helped change the dress code. A better world.
Activism assumes we can effect change. And I think we’re spinning toward that drain just a little too fast to keep telling myself, We’ll pull out of this, we’ll pull out. I’ve exhausted all my optimism.
I think we’re going through it. And I expect to find it a portal. So I’m putting my hopes on the Other Side.
And that’s why I’m no longer an Earth First!er (though I’ve stayed away ever since I found out I was a mind control subject twelve years ago; I didn’t want to risk sabotaging the work in a mind-controlled state).
And I love this Earth, but it seems to me that the secret Controllers have poisoned the air, earth, and water, fractured underground aquifers, sterilized the soil, planted unknown numbers of bombs who knows where, and modified our basic food crops to cause cancer and not reproduce. It doesn’t take a scientist to recognize a pattern.
I believe the Controllers are holding a total liquidation sale of the planet, including the people, of course, who are already used to thinking of themselves as human resources. And it seems that any of us living things left will have greatly diminished chances of survival. Maybe this is protocol for galactic entrepreneurs, like American housewives using bleach-water on the counters after cleaning.
All the world’s financiers are making very short-term decisions. (I’m making short-term decisions now.) All the wealthiest entities seem to be participating in this liquidation, so I think it’s time to wrap our heads around the idea of leaving the Earth and thinking about where we’re going in the next place or dimension.
Now, maybe I’m unnecessarily dark. Maybe things are better than we know – and especially better than I can know – after all, I was trained with torture, so I do tend to have more fundamental distrust of people.
Maybe it’s the time of the Nine of Swords — darkest just before the dawn. And the worst of humanity, the worst, most demonic stuff that has been allowed to play out on this planet for the last 10,000 years, like capitalism and patriarchy, have had their day and will soon be over. And we’ll get extra-dimensional help, or the Permaculturalists will design the environmental remediation, mushrooms will eat all the poisons, and we’ll all work together to feed everyone while reversing all the devastation.
…I used to work toward a similar scenario when I learned and promoted Permaculture, community mediation, and all the other skills I thought important for helping evolve a new culture. But so much that I’ve attempted has been sabotaged. And the stealing of children goes on.
And someone still, for over a decade now, leaves me with burns, bruises, biopsy “scoop marks,” other scars, and exhaustion during the night, but no memories. So pardon me if I’m dark.
I’m sorry, Everyone loving your life on Earth, but I’m not sad to see things going down the drain. Capitalism – and all the child rape, child porn, and sexual slavery it has justified and promoted for way too long – must go. And I’m certainly ready to get out of here myself, thank you.
So, I’ll be sitting by my fire, passively knitting and thinking, It’s all gonna be okay.
Time to return to meditation
Approach: Imagine my True Self a still vessel watching all the thoughts.
(I’ve always known I was supposed to watch my thoughts, but I’d never thought of the part of me who is the still vessel watching – except once. I did a meditation by Stephen LaBerge that blew my mind in a delightful way: at the end of his 15-minute recorded meditation, he asked, Who is aware? – which surprised me so much, I printed a bunch of little slips of paper with the question on it, and posted them on all the mirrors. But, over the years, some other part of me has continued resisting sitting down to meditate.)
New experience! I see a child rolling around in place at an impossible rate, super-human speed, just round and round and round endlessly like a swarm of gnats. She could not be touched, and I knew she was the part of me that had been tortured and was still running from her fears.
My writer self would, of course, want to observe, feel, think, and carefully document. My part that’s been given instructions on how to meditate says, “Just observe and let it go.” My healer self says, We’ve never seen this before. It is a blessed opportunity. This child is in pain. Let’s step in. This is even the point of this meditation: this awareness.
The little girl could not be touched or calmed at first. Any approach, and she rolled away, always away. We wanted to calm and assure her, but she could not be touched.
A ray of calming energy was shot into her, allowing us to put our hands gently on her upper arms. She could feel us, and she relaxed.
Two other meditation techniques used at the same time: To relax each part of the body, one at a time, and to recognize the part of me that is the witness. While relaxing my face and beginning to relax my throat, that was when I saw the little girl rolling, and it led that quickly to its resolution. Thank Goodness.
Thank All You who read this blog.
Blessings on your meditations. May they be healing to you.
First journaling in a while. Feel like I need to scream. Been worrying about how to read the signs (since I sometimes avoid prayer and contemplation – some programming that hits sometimes) especially when things go wrong like they have today.
I realize: All the “figuring” is a very basic part of my mind control; I need, instead, to remember during hard times to listen to the quiet things, use my intuition. And I need to rout out the programming that tells me I don’t have time for prayer and contemplation.
AND NOW I GET IT: “Rise and shine! Up and at ‘em! Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!” – the waking I received from my mother nearly every morning of my life, the same three always-cheerful commands, every day, one after the other – was a major part of my programming – delivered by my handler-mom – of course, programmed herself.
telling me: Take no time for reflection, no time for yourself.
I will not do that anymore. Rise and shine. Up and at ’em. Bright-eyed and Bushy-Tailed. It never occurred to me that it was part of my programming, but I think now that it was. Work. Work. Work.
My mother’s father was killed when she was eight, during the Great Depression. Her parents were working as itinerant farm worker and construction worker. Now a penniless widow, her mother leased an ice cream sidewalk store, became famous for her sandwiches on fresh homemade bread, and parlayed it all into a successful restaurant and bakery with dining room, patio, walk-up window, and conference rooms. She catered to a group of bankers and developers, one of whom treated her like a mind control slave. While she worked to build the business, my mother and her sister spent a lot of time with their Mormon uncles.
I remember him coming to walk with her every day at a prescribed time. My mother was impressed about this, as I heard her speak of it a couple of times. Each day, my grandmother sat in view of the front door when he was due and rose immediately, cutting off conversation when he appeared. “And she never has told anyone what he says to her,” my mother remarked, as if this was impressive and not disturbing. Once, we walked with her to meet him, but he said little or nothing to us and walked straight away with my grandmother.
The programming: Give yourself no time for contemplation. We will give you precepts and our logic derived from them, and teach you how to prioritize and organize.
I think I’m doing better than most Americans because I don’t buy their consumerism, politics, or religion, but I’m still programmed to be productive and not waste time – which sounds like a good thing, but robs us of contemplation.
That’s why I’ve felt like screaming. Seven stressors hit in the last two weeks, and I kept my cool and performed on Sunday. Monday, I was tired, but I was so bothered by the desk piled high and our desire to post a recording that I forced myself ahead and had dreams all night long about my most un-fun subject: aliens. All night long. That’s a first. Then today, I worked hard on my home refinancing, and at the end of the day I was ready to scream. Actually, I had a response I’ve had a few times in my life, when anxiety is very high: like screaming, throwing up, and falling-down all at once.
But it’s been good, because a see a new aspect of the Big Lie now: Productivity. I think I was put into a number of programs, one of which was to be highly productive and manage complicated tasks. It’s been useful. But it has also made me so tightly focused when I work it’s hard to be social, as I need to switch parts, which is doable, but sometimes slow and awkward. I feel like a fancy experimental race car with a phenomenal engine and a tricky transmission.
But I’m healing that transmission, little by little. It’s been a bumpy road with set-backs when I’ve felt worse rather than better, but mostly I know I’m better, despite days like today. Today was a hard lesson day. I learned the consequence of taking on too much. Again.
I should never push that hard, unless it’s really important. I have to take care of my heart and whole health. So I need to make more than a commitment.
I need to change things in my environment to support my commitment, so that I have constant reinforcement to evolve, change, or rout out the programming and habit of my lifetime.
From now on, each morning I will give myself time in bed to record my dreams and thoughts, and decide what’s most important. I’ll take time to listen for any alters’ opinions, so no one’s left out and everyone’s needs are met. (That way, no one needs to act out to get attention, or have a heart attack, or get sick or depressed.) We’ll find our center, cooperate better, and not get confused so readily.
Morning will be sacred time, for being still. Productivity will just have to wait.
When I rise, I’ll walk slowly to heat my turmeric tea. I’ll sit in the most comfortable place in the house.
I’ll make myself a new journal with nice, functional paper (not these one-side-already-used recycled sheets others would throw away, but something that will honor my words) inside a beautiful, meaningful cover. I’ll keep a nice bed shawl nearby and pillow for my neck.
The scream has gone.
I’ll return again to listening to my Wise Self and break another bit of programming. Back to Center.
Blessings on You All ~
Why? Just look at the extent of our soil collapse, terminator genes, poisoned water, chemtrails, fracking, wars, prisons, racism, surveillance, political charades, media disinformation, mis-education, crazy philosophies, pharmaceutical addictions, mind control, wars – and massive human wage- or other slavery to accomplish it all.
My bigger picture draws from all the history of the Earth – not just the rulers’ history of wars and conquest, which tells us a lot between the lies – but also Gnostic accounts of Archons, Hopi accounts of Kachinas, shamanic animism, Sitchen’s Annunaki, Hebrews’ Jehovah, Christians’ Christ, European folklore, contemporary accounts of star beings, Star Trek’s Prime Directive – almost all of it true or a simplified or degraded story of some real aspect of our world.
In broad terms: The Earth and other planets have been resource extraction sites before. We humans are also resources – just like the controllers are calling us these days. And many of us will probably die in one or a series of cataclysms soon involving those jeopardies I named above – just as histories, geology, and archeology have recorded before, as religions have predicted will happen again, and as Henry Kissinger says would be a good thing soon.
So, engaging in politics today recalls for me the cliche about deck chairs on the Titannic.
And while we’re here, imagine the world we want – and work to make it real – now. We might create community gardens and housing coops here in this dimension, or maybe our efforts will create them in another dimension. Either way.
Many religions say we’ll experience a separation of energies, good and bad into heaven and hell; but I imagine this “harvest” or “rapture” (under many other names as well) like white light naturally bent in a prism (or split by dimensional shift), refracted into different component colors, separated naturally (rather than by doctrine) by our differing light vibrations. In which case, the vibes we give off – the music we make, so to speak – will determine where we go after this.
Designing a better world of our imaginations is natural, our human destiny. So is fighting back when forced to. But political conversations with trained liars? Nah….
To read another essay about watching the documentary, The Abolitionists, which inspired this essay – and more reflections on political activism, click “Political Activism: Why I respect it but can’t do it anymore.”
I’ve long had immense admiration for Frederick Douglas (he’s in all my Almanac publications) because of his eloquence and courage – so the reenactment of that eloquence and courage was thrilling. “I love this man!” I said to myself over and over through the video.
I reconcile my political passivity today with his and others’ dissent with this observation:
In the end, it was clear that “moral ‘suasion,” political activism, even the deaths of many thousands in war, couldn’t change the rulers’ minds. When Abraham Lincoln finally signed the Emancipation Proclamation, the real rulers simply changed the game and created a different sort of slave by way of economic and other social manipulations.
For the next era, our nation experienced wanton lynchings, and today wanton murders by “peace officers” and mass incarceration of slave descendants by the millions into corporate-run work prisons. And people in “undeveloped” countries are our “invisible” slaves today – out of sight, out of mind. And the planet too is treated as slave.
The noble, courageous abolitionists’ error was in believing the rulers of this world had human hearts and could be persuaded to do the right thing. We have more information today.
Everyone in modern civilization living month to month (most Americans) are wage slaves, required to labor (far more than natural humans), often abandoning their children to “educational” institutions, just to eat, have shelter, and stay out of jail.
And new groups of us are mind-control slaves of a sort equally brutal to that which drove the Abolitionists: we are raped, terrorized throughout our lives, and murdered just as surely.
Since politicians are bought, blackmailed, and mind controlled too, politics is a no-win game. Fascinating to watch, but that’s about all.
Still, it is right to speak out, if one can. We might die for our troubles or spend our lives in prison or exile, but speaking out is still right to do.
It defines the world we want to live in. It’s our creative act, our human right. It defines who we are, individually – and the world we’ll enter when we’re freed from this amnesia-inducing dimension.
So I speak out. To readers here, and other audiences, but not to politicians.
I know from personal experience that people who speak out on dangerous subjects sometimes get murdered, like Karla Turner (above) and Judi Bari (a non-violence activist colleague of mine), or threatened with death, like all the abolitionists, or imprisoned for life like so many descendants of slaves today.
I spoke out for decades when I was younger, went to jail twice, was Tasered and made amnesic in jail once, paid the government thousands of dollars to settle my fines, and spent far too many hours away from my children fighting the criminal system. When Judi – whom I’d set as my role model in 1990 – was car bombed that year, I had to rethink it all. Judi and I both still had children at home.
Now I’m 62, and this is what I can do: write, speak, and sing (occasionally about war and throwing over money-changers’ tables).
Keep healing myself.
Imagine a better world.
Treat all life with respect.
And pray for extra-dimensional help with the collapse of this slave-making system – soon.
Saturday afternoon, after a mild and satisfying week, I watched a video about Tom Kenyon – “Song of the New Earth” – then turned off the computer and sat back to try to “tone” for the first time in years.
I’ve had amazing experiences with sound before, most notably when I went to hear Tuvan “throat singers” (shamans from Tuva, Siberia). I was seated directly in front of one of the didgeridoos, it’s base angled slightly away from me, and throughout the performance I experienced energy knots in my aura explode and dissipate away with the shamans’ sounds. Subtly, I turned, twisted, and bent to present different aspects of my energy field to the healing vibrations.
At one point in the video, Tom said something like:
“All can learn to use sound to be healers for ourselves and others.”
This, I knew, but I also knew immediately it was for me to embrace now.
When the video ended, I sat, intending to make sounds that simply felt good to me – a welcome change from “simple” meditation, which sometimes is so difficult, trying to keep a half-dozen minds quiet.
Immediately, a tone emerging from me felt like “it,” and I intuitively worked to “send it around” to different places in my head. On my second toning, I was surprised but pleased, to hear an overtone – the thing that had seemed next to impossible for me, since I’d tried this once many years ago. But now, my dozens of tonings resulted in two or three overtones every time after the first, and sending sounds to different places in my skull and aura around my head and throat and heart.
A few times, I experienced serious pain in my head and around my eyes, but didn’t think it was necessarily a bad thing. It lasted a short while, then seemed to “break through” something – an energy block from some old wound, I assumed – and I immediately began exploring new areas, always on the left side of my head. (The right side always felt open to sound; it’s the left side that’s always where “my stuff” is.)
Eventually, I found I’d not only made three tones at once, but I’d learned to move them around, make them break through blockages, and become more attractively harmonic!
This morning, I practiced toning again with Greg present, and maybe because I felt shy, I didn’t practice long and could only produce a single overtone – but he heard it! This thing I thought impossible I can do!
Something else in the video excited me immensely! In “Song for a New Earth,” Tom recounts a story from young adulthood in which he was mystically drawn into another dimension where he encountered strange beings who asked him if he will “sing the song of the new Earth.”
Being whisked into another dimension is a favorite theme of mine, of course – I love it when others share something that helps me understand my own similar “crazy” stuff. But I was totally unprepared to see an image – drawn by artists, presumably with Tom’s direction – that nearly perfectly depicts the environment of an extra-dimensional encounter I had in 1999.
I was still healing from the shock of remembering, five years earlier, childhood sexual abuse, but I’d not yet understood I’d also been a mind control subject. I prayed constantly for information that would help me understand my torment, and one day I was offered the opportunity to go into a terrifying place.
I was suddenly at the mouth of a cave that looked nearly identical to the one drawn for Tom Kenyon! He met an aboriginal man there twirling a fire stick. In a similar environment, I spoke with huge bats that seemed to be part of the cave’s dripstone, which in my vision were thicker so that they blocked more of the view inside than this depiction. One other difference is that the cave felt like the mouth of a living thing.
The bat people emerged from the living columns near the front where they encouraged me to enter and learn everything I wanted to know about what had happened to me – just what I’d been praying for for years. In wheedling, syrupy tones, they encouraged and terrified me.
Inside the cave I imagined – no, felt – a torture chamber or something equally repugnant, from which I might not find it easy or swift to return. One part of me tested the idea to “be brave” and enter the passage – but I decided to wait for knowledge and turned away.*
Watching the video, each time he answered that he didn’t know, I answered aloud, excitedly, “Yes!” and “I will!” Now, I’m curious to learn what it might mean.
It may – for me – mean simply more of what Greg and I already do – sing “good” songs – about love, friendship, home, community, nature, and cosmic mysteries, or the song-and-story sets we’re developing, especially my favorite “cosmic” set with songs of extra-dimensional travel and mystery by Bob Dylan, Jackson Brown, Neil Young, and so many others who write explicitly or hint about travel and beings in the multi-dimensional cosmos.
I’ve long resonated with a vision I once read, of Earth’s humans, cooperative and aggressive, dividing into two dimensions of future Earth, divided according to their vibrations.
Not divided by doctrine, words, which have been used since the beginning of civilization to tell lies, but in vibrations. Each of us, human, mountain, and star, singing, harmonizing, creating the vibrating river of Song to the New Earth.
The rest of my week has been almost uneventful, except for one set of small suspicious wounds where the sun don’t shine and one unhappy personal encounter. We hosted friends for a small potluck-fire-music party one evening, which I love even though I usually get overwhelmed by the numbers of people and then unsure about myself in bouts, even among friends if there are a few, and more overwhelmed if there are a dozen. Worse, a stranger arrived with a friend I thought knew better and set off my alarms, distracting me off and on for the entirety of the party. Despite that, we’re feeling blessed and grateful for the gathering in our home!
I’ve decided to tell guests more clearly not to bring others. (Help?)
* I believe I’ve received enough of that information – in bits and pieces – over the years and, even so, it has often been nearly too much to handle. Everyone in healing: We really do need to be careful what we pray for, qualify our prayers [“Thy will be done”], and not push the river. Psychotic break-downs and suicide can result. Trust your Helping Spirit Family to guide and pace you in uncovering repressed information.
Not only does life not stop there, but neither does politics, war, commerce, science, or any other aspect of culture stop at Earth’s atmosphere.
Rather, we’re part of a larger community we’ve simply yet to understand collectively – sort of like cattle, sheep, and apple trees in an orchard don’t understand their situation – or maybe they do, better than we! (Except for those of us who’ve been forced to see what others have the luxury to ignore.)
There’s plenty of evidence, including documentation by the “ranchers” themselves, that we are, indeed, creatures, creation, projects, students, subjects, prey, a combination, or something else subservient to other wiser beings – evidence throughout time and throughout the world, across every culture, recorded on stone and clay tablets and papyrus and guarded for millennia.
Accepting the corollary lie that humans exist as the pinnacle of evolution, under no one’s control but our own, allows our real rulers to hide as “us,” and keeps humans from perceiving reality and thereby making continuing, serious political and other sorts of errors.
So activists (like I used to be) often beat our heads on the wall trying to communicate with politicians as if those others were operating from a human viewpoint, perhaps just skewed in a way that compelling information can correct. (Wrong. If they’re human, they’re beholden to and controlled by the Others.)
We are all in a web of multiple “spiritual” relationships, at least one of which is an increasingly tightly-controlled one with beings who do not have human motivations or Earth-protective intentions. This explains poisoning the Earth’s water and air, inserting “terminator genes” into our food genetics, fracking the Earth’s crust to poison underground water sources, grossly misinforming people, encouraging wars and racism, and so much more.
Many humans insist they find the idea of Others beyond Earth or beyond this dimension impacting our Earth experience impossible or unlikely. But the theory is entirely coherent with everything we see in Nature, including human nature: patterns of prey and predator, parasite and host, teacher and student, cooperation, collaboration, resource extraction, etc. My assertion is simply that it’s more extensive and multi-dimensional than we’ve been led to believe.
However, we’ve all learned very well by now not to limit our thinking to what we’ve been taught. And so I challenge us all to open our eyes to “hidden” realities.
Our human situation in relation to these Others today is totally unrecognized in social, political, religious and academic life. Unable to talk about it, we thereby don’t think about it. Result: a mild and not uncomfortable sort of cultural mind control. Not uncomfortable, but making us ineffective in our actions.
Some people who do acknowledge their extra-dimensional relationships describe them in spiritual terms: angel, god/goddess, teacher, guide, or spiritual helper. And I believe some extra-dimensional relationships are indeed that.
But others are apparently relationships much like we have with our animals, even our favorite animals: We cage them, control their diets, control their territory, operate on them, force medicine on them, breed them. We also allow others to treat animals in more grotesque ways and then pay those individuals to eat their animal products. Of course, there are also many worse treatments I’ll leave unspoken for now.
So, the idea that beings from other dimensions or planets seem to be a lot like us – greedy, conniving, lying, willing to inflict pain and discomfort – shouldn’t be received as if it were outlandish. On the contrary, we should call it normal, as it’s exactly like us! Maybe we even learned these negative traits from their treatment of us.
Therefore, when people report being experimented on by “aliens,” or having their DNA changed, or their eggs, sperm, or fetuses removed, or being dosed with drugs, or even bred – I wonder if people realize they’re rejecting as outlandish what human science is proud to announce, and what we often participate in and support with our dollars.
There are so many different beings, helpful and harmful, described throughout time, but they also have many similarities recounted across vastly different cultures, attesting to their reality.
Some may be like corporate raiders or resource extractors, and others akin to gods, angels, helpers, and guides. Others might be like researchers, ambassadors, or even missionaries. And demons are not beyond discussion.
We have a hard time judging this with the subject being taboo and our language intentionally skewed to confuse us – with all these being lumped together under one heading, “aliens,” which we’ve been taught to ridicule with silly cartoons.
To begin to learn, we need to identify each type and their intentions – which many researchers have begun, collecting data on over 100 different species, categorized by whether they collaborate with our government or not, and what activities they’re commonly reported as engaged in.
We are certainly Someone’s creation. (Most of the world’s religions and cultures agree with this, and we humans seem to have become Creators on Earth ourselves, so how can this be outrageous?) We may be their progeny, or their project. In any case, they may have expectations for us that are not our expectations.
Since their ways are not our ways (“saith the Lord”), their actions from other dimensions might not always translate properly to our three-dimensional minds, and we probably misinterpret a lot of experiences and assign wrong intentions and maybe even think things evil when they’re only obliviousness of our sensitivity (like we treat animals) or expediency for a purpose we don’t understand.
Some of it could be truly “evil” as all the world’s religions agree. And today we read so much in news (if the news is true) that seems patently evil; it would explain what people report and why our government denies so much that’s obvious.
Benevolent beings – let’s not forget – are all around us on other dimensions too, according to religion and contemporary testimony.
So it seems our life on Earth is a dance of dark and light, delight and horror, prey and predator, teacher and student, villain and savior, slaver and slave, parasite and host or combinations or permutations.
This may be frightening to some, but it’s coherent with human history, ancient and contemporary lore, biology, chemistry, and all of life.
It’s hard to accept that some of these intelligent beings are no more nice than humans. Microcosm, macrocosm.
Interestingly, opening our eyes to the hidden reality (seeing past the Big Lie) is the meaning of the word apocalypse – now laden with images of horror – not because that’s what the word means, but because it’s probably what must eventually come from millennia of our ignorance before we wake up and see.
Seeing with clear vision – the real meaning of the apocalypse – will be essential if we’re to survive as something like what we want to think of as “human.”
What an interesting performance we had last night – the sort of thing I might write into a sardonic movie script: We played in a room charmingly decorated, but fluorescent-lit and linoleum-floored with lots of hard surfaces for bouncing around all the conversations happening. Lots of good folks were there, and we enjoyed a number of good conversations. The fundraiser’s silent auction had great items donated from local stores and galleries, and I even won a few bids.
But as performers – and we anticipated this ahead of time – it was really difficult to sing in a conversation-noisy, fluorescent-lit, linoleum-tiled room!
To make it more difficult, I haven’t been singing much since last spring, as I’ve been going through all these healing events – and I’d also announced to the world that “I Quit!” (everything) a few months back. And I did quit singing – even practicing – for six weeks while I did other things and truly enjoyed my time “away.”
Of course, eventually, Greg seduced me back, and I discovered that old bad-singing habits had been lost (yeah!), my voice had relaxed, I liked it much better, and I decided to be – not necessarily a performer, but – an occasional performer of a song or two or maybe even a set now and then. Next thing we knew, a friend had accepted this gig but didn’t want to do the whole three hours, and asked us to help him fill the time.
Despite it being one of the worst settings, the humbleness of it was actually attractive to me as a venue for getting back into performance. Besides, the group was “good people,” and it was a good cause – SNAP – the “Spay and Neuter Awareness Project – the kicker aspect making it perfect for my one-day, sardonic script.
But that was just the setting.
What I experienced last night didn’t feel like stage jitters. It might have been the fluorescent lights experienced for too long (never a problem for me in the past), but it felt like being electronically messed with – maybe for the first time immediately before I stepped into our performance space.
Fine arrows of negative-feeling energy seemed to pierce inside my body from outside like 12”-long thin needles (not nervousness emerging naturally from inside – a sensation I am very familiar with) – but, to my credit, I didn’t panic.
I thought: I’ve always known electronic harassment while I sing was a possibility, and here it is (maybe, if this is what it is). So what do I do? Decide not to sing? Never sing again? Or take this as a challenge and see if I can develop some spiritual skills to combat it? Right here. Now. Okay.
I took my time getting on stage, stretching and relaxing my body, even as Greg encouraged me to join him on stage then. As I concentrated on relaxing my body and strengthening my protective energy shield, I realized: I need a checklist before I go onstage – and even before I walk into certain environments! Especially like this.
Then I realized: Oh yeah: I have a checklist! (water, stretch, visualize, etc.) But like many things, it’s lost in some notebook, forgotten.
“Forgotten” – the bane of my life!
Yeah, while most people (or so I think – maybe it’s a minority) have the good fortune of just deciding to improve something and then doing it, some of us have greater challenges – or maybe they’re opportunities! Opportunities to strengthen ourselves beyond what we believe is possible – not by choice, but because we have too.
So, even though, over and over again, I’ve found work-arounds to my latest challenge, I keep finding new hurdles, for which I often despair and am ready to quit. But I’m beginning to realize that what this all amounts to is spiritual warfare training. And I accept it.
That’s exactly what it felt like last night: While I worked to relax my body inside my aura, pay attention to my partner’s music, remember not just lyrics but the stories we’re telling, and coax the newly discovered energy patterns that I discovered after my break and more discovered in the heart-healing event a week ago – while doing all that – worked to keep control of my body despite these apparently external arrows.
So much to manage! And I did it.
Others said our music was “great” and “lovely,” Greg was very positive about the quality of my singing, and I thought my most recent improvements – singing with heart energy – was sustained 80-90% of the time, with only 1% “barks” – where the tension in me was too great to control my voice – but I was aware enough to keep a distance from the mike at those times. So, I guess – unless anyone wants to fill me in on things I’m not aware of (we didn’t get a recording) – I succeeded!
Sometimes I think, with my difficulties in remembering and even perceiving, I’ve been very fortunate or maybe rescued repeatedly by the hand of God, like an innocent child walking in traffic – or maybe Mr. Magoo. But here I am! If it’s angels keeping me alive and kicking, I accept.
But I’m also adding all I can. And I’m jazzed by the strength I discovered – repeatedly last night – to overcome the literal (it seemed to me) arrows of something invading my space. I found that when I determined to do it, I could allow good energy to flow through that heart space, join with my voice, and a new beautiful sound flowed through.
May we all keep on keeping on! Our biggest trials may be our biggest opportunities to heal – and, if we’re lucky, create beauty while we’re at it!
Fred Burks just sent me an email full of health practices that I wish I’d written (and I’ve been meaning to write, but haven’t gotten around to it). If you’re feeling the need for a “check up,” check out Fred’s list here:
– and then check out the rest of his site, especially his tab on Mind Control! His site contains “reliable, verifiable information on major cover-ups and a call to work together for the good of all!” Thanks, Fred.
For subscribers who haven’t visited in awhile, I’m posting the contents of my new Home page. The entire site has been recently reorganized, rewritten, and become, I hope, a more useful, and “friendly,” resource for those needing to learn about this subject. I invite you to visit.
I am an educator on mind control, artist, author, publisher, mind-controlled “multiple personality” in healing, and activist working for the healing and human rights of mind control subjects.
To that end, I offer these pages of information – non-academic, easy-to-read – which touch on folklore, history, religion, spirituality, cosmos, and culture as they relate to mind control and multiple personality — along with my personal, on-going reports on the path to healing. Below is a 3-minute video, produced in 2010:
Is Multiple Personality Disorder “crazy”? Actually, it’s considered a creative solution, usually emerging accidentally in childhood, to keep from going crazy when experiencing something like torture. The vast majority of us experienced torture as children in one way or another.
Children under torturous conditions who don’t “leave their bodies” and dissociate, and the torture is repeated, usually become schizophrenic. So dissociation, MPD, is a blessing in disguise, as it’s fairly easy to heal (unless complicated by mind control); whereas, schizophrenia is considered incurable.
How it comes about, in simple terms: Under extreme stress, a person, especially a child, might “leave their body” to escape unbearable pain; the mind, however, keeps recording – now on a blank slate – which then becomes another personality. This creates a pattern in the person called dissociation; with ongoing stress, the pattern is repeated. (Today MPD is called Dissociative Identity Disorder, but many of us prefer the old term.)
Being a multiple personality has not been easy, but it’s been far less difficult than typically depicted in books and movies, and in some ways, it seems to be an advantage: I have the capacity to manage a wide variety of mental tasks, as I seem to have a lot of “minds” holographically in my being. Managing them is the trick, and I have always done pretty well, most of the time. (At the bottom of this post are some of my accomplishments.)
The common perception of “multiples,” as being tragically out of their own control, is true for some, but many multiples are also very high-functioning, even testing at genius levels (as I have a few times), though they often have severe mental, psychological, emotional, and spiritual challenges — as readers of my book can appreciate.
Mind Control There’s also, obviously, a very serious downside to “multipleness,” which is that the people or groups who created my alters probably still have access to my programming and may continue to re-program me to use at will. When they do, I have bizarre perceptions, find wounds on my body, and afterward usually am severely depressed and sometimes emotionally incapacitated for extended periods of time.
Despite the foregoing, I must acknowledge the positive aspect of multiple-ness because it masks my disability. In other words, I look not only “sane” and “normal” nearly all the time, but sometimes exceptional; therefore, a person might ask, how could my crazy theory be true?
I also mention the positive aspect because it contains my hope for full recovery: Having the perspective of many minds, I have, since 1993, been working with my alters, untangling messes, and removing unwanted programs. It has taken time and emotional stamina, sometimes incapacitating me for mundane things, at which times, I have not appeared “exceptional” at all, but severely messed up. And I’m still not “one.” But, I’m working on it.
Friends and acquaintances who know my story often don’t know what to make of it, because they rarely see the symptoms or don’t recognize them, so I’m accepted well enough in my community to be employed (when I want and am able) and have a wide circle of friends. Besides, so many people are struggling with something.
My hidden disability, though, makes it very hard to make a living, and I’ve been bailed out by my parents many times. Good therapists seem to be rare and hard to find, or else I’ve been controlled to avoid them, or they’ve been threatened by my controllers into avoiding treating me (commonly reported by others).
The worst of my experiences involving apparent mind control – that I recall – happened in 2010: I woke up extremely debilitated after a ten-hour sleep and found a third-degree Taser burn on my arm.
Much more is documented on this site, including weird bruises, apparent injection bruises (most common), a broken door lock, deep vaginal lacerations, biopsy “scoop marks,” and more.
Why am I not terrified? Well, I have been, and suicidal more times than I can count. But I’ve talked myself out of it. I’ve worked and prayed to try to understand our world, Good and Evil, the psyche and our power to navigate treacherous waters. And here I am.
Life has been moving on an upward course since I’ve been focusing my spiritual practice. I have a wonderful home and garden, lots of friends and friendly acquaintances, a supportive partner, enough work to pay the bills, and a satisfying artist’s life.
After 38 years of never singing in public (stage phobia related to mind control), in 2009 I began to sing publicly again – a most amazing breakthrough for my mind and psyche. And I’ve regained my ability to participate in life and see what Goodness I can add to our amazing human drama here.
And as a life-long activist for a variety of causes (saving mountains and downtown inner city schools, for instance), I now feel called to shine light on this criminal enterprise which steals people’s free will. I thank you very much for reading this far. I applaud your courage.
How do I really know I was a mind control subject? Check this page for a little bit more of my personal and family history.
I pray the content here and in my book helps others trying to understand their own stories and heal.
My best advice after gathering information: Remember fear and anger are natural, but a stage to go through and to move beyond. Remember that everything Good in this world is stronger, eventually, than the Dark, and focus on that Good. And check out my pages on Healing!
If you believe in a benevolent Higher Power, by whatever name, connect, hold fast, communicate, listen, and keep the best possible vision in mind in order to generate a vibration sympathetic with the energies of the Higher Power.
Today I believe these experiences have blessed me with one other thing: greater awareness than I would ever have had of the larger realities of this world. Therefore, they are extremely important to my life. We do believe we have the power to survive, understand, and help things improve for each other.
I have no idea exactly how. I feel that everyone on this planet, though, is facing a huge cataclysm very soon, and our world will change in ways we are probably not prepared for, and our minds are probably not prepared for.
So it will require an especially flexible mind to survive the ontological shock I believe is coming. And those of us who’ve already been shocked out of our shoes – who knows? – we might find it easier to adapt and see and respond to what’s going on.
Ontological shock is the disorientation a person endures when deep foundations of their mental framework become shaken. It will change our entire meaning of life – and who we think we are as humans. (Sort of like many lifelong Catholics have been experiencing for a decade or more, or a married person feels when they discover their spouse is cheating, or a parent feels when a baby is born with a problem, or anyone feels when someone near them suddenly dies – but much bigger.)
Our current structure of thought will not survive the changes. Words will truly fail us. So it’s imperative we get our energies, our vibrations clear, to be able to trust our perceptions.
Blessings on you ~
(p.s. All these photos were taken in the last couple of years, though I often look decades different in age.)
For more on how it feels – to me – to be a multiple personality, check out this page: Multiple-ness: What it Feels Like.
For a quick definition and overview of Mind Control – check out my page “Mind Control Defined.”
For links to some of my Healing posts, check out “Hope for Healing.”
And please remember to “Join/Listen!” (Button’s up top in the right corner.)
Author: RattleSnake Fire: a memoir of extra-dimensional experience;
The 2013 or Year One Almanac, Datebook, and Journal;
the 2004 Almanac/Datebook/Journal for Southern Arizona;
the 2003 Almanac, Datebook and Journal for Tucson and Southern Arizona;
the international Permaculture Drylands Journal (associate editor, 1989-91);
and numerous articles and newsletters, including international publications.
Praise: “great literature….tour de force!….important historical document,” and more.
Awards in journalism (UPI First Place, Arizona-Utah region), creative writing, art, theater, videography, real estate, Permaculture, and national recognition for non-profit fundraising. Others: served in Leaders Circle of Tucson Resources for Women. Invited to Leadership Tucson and Mensa. Served on numerous local boards, twice as president.
Thanks for visiting ~
Fridays at the Paradigm Salon will now bring a yin-yang of complementarity with Friday Random Beauty and Friday Foundation [of this MK Stuff].
To begin the Friday Random Beauty series, I’m offering this example of the type of art I try to create all around me.
Years ago, a book came into my life, titled “Altars,” advocating an alter in every room of one’s house as well as various places outdoors. Basically, anything can be an altar if it causes us to stop and reflect. And the author’s point was that we could use reminders like this many times a day and in many locations. I began creating altars and immediately found myself increasing the frequency of my mini-meditations or moments of mindfulness throughout the day – and the frequency of my healing events! So I highly recommend this.
This “alter” is in the bathroom, so it’s made up of a couple of plants, each with crystals around their bases, lavender from a friend’s garden placed in a thrift-store pitcher, and a few things we use in the bathroom that I think are pretty: oils in natural or ornate containers, my natural earth-pigment duster (blush) in its pottery jar, perfume in a carved-stone container, primitive-pottery earrings hung on the rim of a small hand-crafted pot, pottery water glass, wooden hand mirror, and my own framed, seven-sided-mandala art. At the base of the tall cactus is a tiny bottle in which I place tiny fresh flowers from the garden – even “weeds” will be there sometimes. (These bright fuscia flowers are the desert salvia gregorii from my front door.) I also like how everything is reflected in the mirror.
I don’t need an art studio or any expensive materials! I can play with these common things I already own any moment that the urge hits. And this art can change any time I want to change it.
This sort of approach to art keeps me feeling that, despite all, life can be creative, beautiful, and thereby meaningful. It lifts my spirits many times a day and puts me in the mood to look for beauty everywhere.
Other ways I create beauty can be found at my sister site, JeanEisenhower.com, which contains a collection of a variety of my artistic inclinations, including sketches, fabric art (from recycled materials), natural plaster sculpture (from recycled materials and dirt), garden design, and more! Check it out!
Re: Friday Foundation [of this Mind Control Stuff]
In a recent poll to help me set my focus of developing this less-fun, but important, series, readers gave the most votes to “Mind Control in History,” which will be the next post I publish shortly.
Stay tuned! It’s provocative!
For years I’ve wavered between appreciation and being highly pissed-off when I’ve heard people talk about “creating our own realities.”
(“Yeah, tell that to a baby who’s being …,” I used to say.)
So it is with a sense of irony, humility, and real appreciation that I repost part of an email from Jon Rappaport, along with a link to his site. This is the beginning of a sale pitch for a package he’s selling – out of my price range, so I won’t buy – BUT just the approach he presents to this very important question is quite powerful I believe.
I’ll use it to further empower some new ideas that have been stirring in me, and attitudes I’ve been practicing now for a little while that have helped me a great deal with healing.
The Matrix Revealed: victimized or inspired?
By Jon Rappoport
October 25, 2014
When I was putting together my collection, The Matrix Revealed, I was acutely aware that people, when confronted by external power structures, often fall into a state of despair.
This is, in fact, an objective of mind control. It seeks to trap people with their own knowledge.
It seeks to make insight a self-defeating proposition.
But there is another way.
When a person sees the “artistic” blow-by-blow creation of these power structures, in progress—rather than the finished product—an entirely new consciousness arises.
“If they can create Reality for me, I can create my own.”
“If they are artists, I can be an artist, too—but in an entirely different direction.”
The Matrix ceases to be a monolith. It is revealed as an ongoing weave, and one can see the process at work.
Then, one’s own insight operates on behalf of liberation.
A person can actually see how he cooperates in the progression of accepting “the weave.”
And he sees other options.
JE: Spider Woman, of Native American lore, constantly weaves and reweaves the Web. Let’s keep weaving – and making it beautiful.
In my Blogging 201 seminar, I’ve had requests for basic information on both Mind Control and Multiple Personality – so I’ve created two new pages. The second one is copied here, as well as in a new page at the top of the site under “Multiple. The first is also right up top of the site under “Mind Control.“
For all the multiples….
Is Multiple Personality Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder) “crazy”? Actually, it’s considered a creative solution, usually discovered in childhood, to keep from going crazy when experiencing something beyond what the psyche can handle, like torture. The vast majority of multiples experienced torture as children in one way or another.
(Today MPD is called Dissociative Identity Disorder, but many of us prefer the old term as more descriptive of our experience.)
How multiple splitting comes about: Under extreme stress, a person, especially a child, might “leave their body” to psychically escape unbearable pain; the mind, however, keeps recording the body’s experience – now on a blank slate – which then becomes another, separate personality.
The initial separation sets a repeatable pattern in the person called dissociation (dissociating mind from body); with ongoing stress, the pattern is repeated again and again, creating more and more alternate personalities, called “alters.” Since some of the alters are too afraid to come back into the body and risk torture again, they remain children. Interestingly, their young psyches may actually help the body stay young-looking – until an older alter comes out.
While the fragmentation of the psyche is not “normal,” each of the fragments, alters, is sane. They each have a sane perspective on their piece of the world. If they escaped pain, they have a psychology that never experienced pain and is normal for that experience. If the alter was one that did experience pain, they may have a neurotic personality, but totally appropriate to and sane for their experience.
Most positive: with all those alters, multiples have potentially more perspective than most – like insects with multiply-faceted eyes. The trick is coordinating the alters, helping the suffering ones heal, giving disruptive alters appropriate new “jobs” and identities, and if communication is a problem, helping everyone communicate, etc.
In ancient societies, multiples were supported and often honored for their diverse perspectives and skills, usually broad, including a range of skills from the mundane to psychic – as the alters who spent the most time dissociated from the body often develop significant psychic skills. These individuals were often trained as shamans.
In modern society, on the other hand, there is little recognition, much less appreciation or caring support for multiples. Some find good therapists, but many do not, and the cause of their affliction, the torture, is typically ignored by society. If individuals cannot function well enough to pass as un-fragmented, they live as “disabled” – even though they may have a lot of wisdom with all their perspectives.
Relationships between the alters can be very different from multiple to multiple. Some alters are entirely unknown to the other alters, which causes tremendous problems for the person. Sometimes a person has “co-conscious” alters which work together quite successfully (like myself), though there may be disconnected alters as well that cause occasional problems.
Children under torturous conditions who don’t “leave their bodies” and dissociate often become schizophrenic. So dissociation, MPD, is a blessing in disguise, having saved the child from a far worse possibility. MPD/DID is fairly easy to heal (unless complicated by mind control); schizophrenia, on the other hand, is considered incurable.
Being a multiple personality has not been easy, but it’s been far less difficult than typically depicted in books and movies, and in some ways, it seems to be an advantage: Many of us discover we have the capacity to manage a wide variety of mental tasks, having a lot of “minds” holographically in our beings. Managing them all is the trick.
The common perception of “multiples,” as being tragically out of control, is true for some, but many multiples are also very high-functioning, many even testing at genius levels (as I have a few times). Granted, we also often have severe mental, psychological, social emotional, and spiritual challenges as well – as readers of my book can appreciate.
As for the torture that causes multiple-ness: In the past, torture of children usually happened by accident, a child surviving a wild animal attack, for instance. Unfortunately, people lacking empathy and any moral code recognized that multiples have a propensity for amnesia and learned to take advantage of this, sometimes making literal slaves of the multiples.
In the 1940s, China and the United States each sought to protect their secrets from adversaries at war and began experimenting on soldiers, inducing split minds through intentional torture on their own citizens and others. In the United States, the CIA began intensive studies, now called MKULTRA, and experimented on an estimated 20,000 children and many more adults between the late 1940s and the mid 1970s – individuals who had no idea they were experimental subjects, did not give their consent, and have never been acknowledged or assisted in healing. (The CIA director testified that they destroyed all files. As a consequence, no subject can prove they were involved and disabled in this program.) More on American mind control history is in my page “Mind Control Defined.”
More of my personal experience is in my post “Multiple-ness: What it Feels Like.”
Rebel Western scientists of antiquity have left important work behind which sheds light on the UFO/ET subject. The work of Paracelsus and Rudolph Steiner was included in a fascinating book published in 1997 by best-selling author Peter Tompkins, titled The Secret Life of Nature: Living in Harmony with the Hidden World of Nature Spirits from Fairies to Quarks.
Paracelsus was born in the Swiss canton of Schwyz in 1490, where he was given the impressive and maybe, to those with Western sensibilities, humorous birth name Phillipus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim. A contemporary of Martin Luther, he became an alchemist, which means he was born into a family with connections to power, as alchemy was taught only within a secret society, pledged to keep those secrets from common folk. Nevertheless, Paracelsus broke from those strictures.
According to Tompkins, Paracelsus may have been a greater reformer than Martin Luther, as he tackled not only religion but medicine and physics as well. In his society, academic writing was done exclusively in Latin, for one’s fellow academicians to approve or disapprove, with no involvement of common people. Paracelsus flaunted this tradition and wrote a treatise on nature spirits in the common German vernacular used by his local community, making his wisdom available to all. For centuries afterward, his work was used as a primary source for innumerable writings by others.
Paracelsus gathered his data by going straight to his source, Nature, in which he steeped himself deeply. He also asked herbalists, faith healers, gypsies, hermits, witches and anyone else who claimed knowledge of the healing arts – aside from doctors – what they knew. He discovered that their lore had a form and structure which matched his own experiences of intelligent, immaterial beings working within nature.
The rebel alchemist defined these spiritual intelligences as “elementals,” which he explained perform important tasks, that we in the first world today call “forces of nature.” These elementals are also identical with the beings that mystics and primitive societies call spirits of mountain, sea, storm, etc.
Paracelsus went so far as to publicly burn the books of Galen – ! – whose writings had held the course of medicine for over twelve-hundred years in a highly rational track limited to certain precepts, along with the books of Avicenna, the Persian physician whose textbook was a standard in Europe for the previous couple hundred years.
Paracelsus further scandalized his fellow doctors and academicians by telling them that “each person possesses within himself the powers and latent faculties necessary to become aware of a many-dimensioned universe.”
This radical idea, that humans have the potential to perceive a multi-dimensional universe, we still wrestle with today, at least in “first world” cultures. Many would also argue that authorities in this very culture are working hard to keep this awareness from us.
Four hundred years after Paracelsus, in the same Swiss canton of Schwyz, Rudolph Steiner expanded on Paracelsus’ work with lectures on the role of “nature intelligences” in the growth and development of the material world.
Steiner was born in 1847, in Croatia, in a village so remote that nature was a powerful force for him as a child. He became highly clairvoyant in his young years, perceiving a world far beyond that which his parents could conceive. To master both worlds and communicate about the one to the other, he trained himself thoroughly at the Technical University of Vienna in physics, mathematics, biology, chemistry, optics, botany, and anatomy and gained a doctoral degree in philosophy. His doctoral thesis was that clairvoyance – the practice of seeing into other realms – would have to be integrated into the scientific approach if “the half-truths of materialism were not to drag the world into a materialist and mechanistic disaster.”
Steiner wrote prolifically about the spiritual realms, defining “spiritual science,” which includes everything in creation, including humans and their psychic powers, all in a “symphony of life” created and maintained by natural intelligences who work according to patterns passed down by higher intelligent beings, everything ultimately a manifestation of the Source of Creation.
The upshot for humans, according to Steiner, is that if we ignore the nature beings, we cut ourselves off from understanding anything real, including our own health and how to heal. Alternatively, understanding our relationship to the “invisible” realms and participating in them will assure our individual and collective survival.
Intelligent information moves through everything, according to Steiner, including things Western science defines as “not alive,” such as rocks, rivers and sky. Communication from extra-terrestrial worlds, he said, is conveyed from the cosmos down to certain nature beings, whom he called sylphs, and by them into the leaves and petals of plants, through their trunks and roots, and thereby to beings who live underground, whom he called gnomes, who traverse that realm of earth and mineral as freely as we move through our atmosphere.
Any element of nature can convey this extra-terrestrial wisdom to humans, including gnomes, though those beings, in particular, don’t have much respect for us and often laugh at humans, stuck as we are in our rational concepts which frame and limit what we can perceive.
As our culture has been trained for millennia to perceive only the materialistic world authorized by Science and Academia and to deny all precepts of what’s dismissed as “animism,” we struggle today with concepts of alien beings and vehicles that don’t fit into the paradigms of what we’ve been taught.
According to Steiner, mankind’s “fall” came about with this denial of our ability to communicate with nature intelligences. This denial cut off communication to extra-terrestrial and other higher intelligences of Creation. Our destiny, however, is to expand our minds to include contact with these beings, including those nearest us in nature, and also beyond to extra-terrestrial and the intelligences above them, until we eventually accept responsibility for managing and designing material life on this Earth.
Of course, many in the halls of Science and Academia would say that this is exactly what they are about; and they would deny any role in cutting us off from basic wisdom. However, it was precisely their materialistic “half truths” that Paracelsus warned would lead us to disaster.
As someone who has experienced the profoundly destructive outer edges of Science (as a CIA mind control subject as a child) and who has also experienced the healing powers of Nature in a “shamanic initiation” (which included alien contact, typical of shamanic initiations), I can’t help but ask the hottest contemporary, if simplistic, questions: What about the stuff we call evil? Are some of the spiritual hierarchies not working for our best interests? Are some of the aliens “good guys” and others “bad guys” – maybe angels and demons?
My inclination for the last few years has been to assume that alien beings are trans-dimensional (spiritual) beings, some of them working in our best interests, and some of them seeming to work against us. Further, I’ve contended, it’s our very important work to learn to discern which is which – which I have famously failed to do at times. So I was keenly interested to see where Rudolph Steiner came down on the question of evil.
Paracelsus denied the existence of demons. Similarly, Steiner refused to categorize things we call evil as evil. Rather, he said, certain hierarchies of intelligence above us, called angels in the modern Western world, gods in the ancient, devas in the Hindu, and other names in every culture, chose to deviate from the program of perfection by which they’d always been patterned – and limited – and allowed themselves free will, thereby allowing humans this possibility too. It opened up profound transformative possibilities for Creation – and with it risk.
We’ve seen this risk played out nearly to completion in our world today, with nuclear bombs, multiple wars, ongoing slavery, global child sex industries, global economic thievery, mind control, and more. And it is into this world, coinciding quite precisely with the advent of atomic bombs and institutionalized mind control, that these apparently trans-dimensional vehicles and beings have suddenly come in great numbers into human awareness.
The question in my mind, in part prompted by other writers on this subject, has lately been: Are these beings responding to the horrors we’ve unleashed, hoping to mitigate or correct them, or are they orchestrating them? Writers on the subject of alien contact today come down on both sides of this question.
The shamans from every continent who came to visit Harvard psychiatrist John Mack, when he was working with alien contactees, answered this question of evil regarding the nature of ET beings in a less polarized fashion. The African shaman Credo Mutwa said the mantindane (African term for what we call the “gray aliens”) were seen as unwelcome but necessary “troublemakers,” often required to wake up an individual in a shamanic initiation. The shamans prompted Mack to interpret the entire alien phenomenon as a “wake-up call to humanity” or, more cynically, a “consciousness program for the spiritually impaired.”
Many primitive cultures have also softened the concept of evil, focusing instead on lessons taught through “trickery” – depicted by characters throughout time, from the Celtic Loki, Native American Heyoka, and Greek Cupid to the beings I’ve experienced, who gave me powerful “spiritual” signs, leading me to go exactly where I didn’t want to go and shouldn’t have gone – all apparently lessons to teach me discernment. So I’ve also begun to drop my knee-jerk reaction to think of them as evil, in favor of simply recognizing that they taught me invaluable lessons by trickery.
According to Dionysus, student of Plato, spiritual beings fill the entirety of space, in “realm upon realm,” and some followers assert that there is nothing in existence but these intelligences, which usually are invisible but sometimes take forms that we can see. A curandero acquaintance of mine put it this way: “We live in an ocean of spirit and must protect ourselves from most of it.” A student of Dionysus, as well as a follower of Christ, was Paul of Tarsus, whose writings survive in the New Testament, where he is quoted as asserting that we must learn to “discern the spirits.”
Today, as we watch the world unfold in dramas almost beyond belief, strange shapes appear in the sky, change colors and morph into different forms. People from every walk of life, from Peruvian tribespeople to American Presidents, pilots and police officers report things we’ve come to call UFOs and alien beings, and we forget that they’ve been reported, along with healings and other favors, throughout history in every culture.
Hippocrates induced people for thousands of years to call these phenomena and the healings and other favors that often attended them “mythology” and “superstition,” effectively putting a lid on any public discourse; but the lid has been jumping now for decades, and it won’t stay down. Gardeners in Findhorn have been talking to devas, churches spring up around teachings of Swedenborg and Blavatsky, books by Blake and Goethe enjoy a renaissance, and Christians reconsider Jesus’ response to his followers that we would “do all these things [healing miracles] and more.”
While many of us have freed ourselves from mainstream constrictions, we still wonder: Are some of the aliens in league with structures of power, such as our governments? Undoubtedly. Are others trying to wake us out of our educated and entertained entrancement? I’m sure of this also. And I also believe the evidence is strong that “aliens” exist in great diversity, and their story is far more nuanced than a simple good-versus-evil drama, though that may be an aspect of it.
Our personal and collective work, it seems, is to learn to discern these elements of the drama, these elemental beings, if you will, and work with them. According to Paracelsus and Steiner, the many mystics they consulted and those who’ve followed them through the centuries, the beings we perceive can take any form they want, usually choosing a pattern pre-existing in the mind of the person who perceives them. So, whether they be tricksters and liars or pure helpers, they spring in form from our own minds, but are not created in our imagination; and their purpose and intention lead us from higher dimensions, following the patterns of Creation, into our next phase of evolution, whatever it will be.
To help us create a better world from the mess that we find around us, the words of Paracelsus and Steiner – as well as Paul and Christ – have application to this issue: immaterial beings are everywhere and can take form at will (though not everyone sees them), and we are charged with learning to discern them and work with them to create a better future.
As the natural world is destroyed by misguided “half-truths of materialism,” we have less communion with nature and less potential access to those intelligences, so beings who want to help us must get our attention in new and novel ways. Perhaps this explains the increasing numbers of UFOs in the skies today and alien beings in people’s bedrooms; or maybe those are part of the “half-truths” misleading us.
Paracelsus and Steiner encourage us to drop our constrictions of rational thought and engage in this subject experientially. Rather than sticking to the nuts and bolts of the UFO phenomenon, as if it were the “safest” approach and might provide the “rational” proof most needed, I believe we should listen to the experiencers who’ve spoken to the beings and consider what their messages might be for us.
Paracelsus said, centuries ago, that we had the latent ability. It’s time to wake up to it.
It was, after all, because of America’s alien experiencers that shamans traveled from the jungles and forests of South America and Africa to visit Dr. John Mack and say to him, “We were wondering when you white people would begin to get it.”
Tompkins is also author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller The Secret Life of Plants.
Thompson, p 111.
Mack, Passport to the Cosmos, p. __
Tompkins, p 135.
Still very well worth reading. Delivered at the Fourth Annual Eastern Regional Conference on Abuse and Multiple Personality, Thursday June 25, 1992, at the Radisson Plaza Hotel, Mark Center, Alexandria, Virginia. Sponsored by the Center for Abuse Recovery & Empowerment, The Psychiatric Institute of Washington, D.C.
Hypnosis in MPD: Ritual Abuse (The Greenbaum Speech) – transcript
By D.C. Hammond
I want to start off by talking a little about trance training and the use of hypnotic phenomena with an MPD/dissociative disorder population. I will also talk about exploration of the unconscious, the use of symbolic imagery techniques for managing physical symptoms, input overload, and things like that. Before the day’s out, I want to spend some time talking about something I think has been completely neglected in the field of dissociative disorder, and that’s methods of profound calming for automatic hyper-arousal that’s been conditioned in these patients.
I also want to talk about hypnotic relapse prevention strategies and post-integration therapy. Finally, I hope somewhere in our time together to spend an hour or so talking specifically about ritual abuse, mind control programming and brainwashing – how it’s done and how to get on the inside. This is a topic that in the past I haven’t been willing to speak about publicly. I have done that in small groups and in consultations, but recently decided that it was high time that somebody started doing it. So we’re going to talk about specifics today.
In Chicago [in 1984], at the first international congress where ritual abuse was talked about, I can remember thinking, “How strange and interesting.” I can recall many people listening to an example given that somebody thought was so idiosyncratic and rare, and then all the people coming up afterwards saying, “Gee, you’re treating one like that, too? You’re in Seattle? Well, I’m in Toronto.” “Well, I’m in Florida.” “Well, I’m in Cincinnati…” I didn’t know what to think at that point.
It wasn’t too long after that I found my first ritual abuse patient in somebody I was treating, and we hadn’t gotten that deep yet. Things in that case made me very curious about the use of mind control techniques, hypnosis, and other brainwashing techniques. So I started studying brainwashing and some of the literature in that area. I became acquainted with one of the people who’d written one of the better books in that area.
Then I decided to do a survey. From the ISSMP&D [International Society for the Study of Multiple Personality and Dissociation] folks (http://www.isst-d.org/), I picked out about a dozen and a half therapists that I thought were seeing more ritual abuse than anyone else around, and I started surveying them. I got the same reaction almost without exception on the interview protocol.
Those therapists said, “You’re asking questions I don’t know the answers to. You’re asking more specific questions than I’ve ever asked my patients.” Many of those same therapists said, “Let me ask those questions, and I’ll get back to you with the answer.” Many of them not only got back with answers, but said, “You’ve got to talk to this patient or these two patients.” As a result, I ended up doing hundreds of dollars worth of telephone interviewing.
I came out of that with a grasp of a variety of brainwashing methods being used all over the country. I started to hear some similarities. Whereas to begin with, I hadn’t known how widespread things were, I was now getting a feeling that there were a lot of people reporting some similar things, and that there must be some degree of communication to cause this.
Then approximately two and a half years ago, I had some material drop in my lap. My source was saying a lot of things that I knew were accurate about some of the brainwashing, but was telling me new material about which I had no idea. At this point I decided to check it out in three ritual abuse patients I was seeing at the time. After careful inquiry, without leading or contaminating, I discovered two of the three had what the source was describing.
The fascinating thing was that as I did a telephone consult with a therapist that I’d been consulting for quite a number of months on an MPD case in another state, I asked her to inquire about certain specific things. She said, “Well, what are those things?” I said, “I’m not going to tell you specifics, because I don’t want there to be any possibility of contamination. Just come back to me and tell me what the patient says.”
She called me back two hours later and said, “I just had a double session with this patient and there was a part of him that said, ‘Oh, we’re so excited. If you know about this stuff, you know how the cult programmers get on the inside, and our therapy is going to go so much faster.’” Now many other patients since have had a reaction of wanting to pee their pants out of anxiety and fear rather than thinking it was wonderful thing.
But the interesting thing was that she then asked her patient, “What are these things?” They were word perfect the same answers my source had given me. I’ve since repeated that experience in many parts of the country. I’ve consulted in eleven states and one foreign country, in some cases over the telephone, in some cases in person. In some cases I gave the therapist information ahead of time saying, “Be very careful how you phrase this. Phrase it in these ways so you don’t contaminate.” In other cases I didn’t give the therapist specific information ahead of time, so they couldn’t contaminate the results.
When you find the same highly esoteric information in different states from Florida to California and from different countries, you start to get an idea that there’s something going on that is very large and very well coordinated, something that is systematic and requires a great deal of communication. So I have gone from someone kind of neutral and not knowing what to think about it all to someone who clearly believes ritual abuse is real, and that the people who say it isn’t are either naive – like people who didn’t want to believe the Holocaust – or they’re dirty [involved in the programs].
Now for a long time I would give information to a select group of therapists that I knew and trusted, and say, “Spread it out. Don’t spread my name. Don’t say where it came from. But here’s some information. If you find it’s on target, share it with other therapists, and I’d appreciate your feedback.” People would question me in talks. They were hungry for information.
Later, I and a few others that I’d shared it with were hedging out of concern because of personal threats and death threats. I finally decided to hell with them. If they’re going to kill me, they’re going to kill me. It’s time to share more information with therapists. Part of why I’m willing to share this is because we proceeded so cautiously and slowly, checking things in many different locations and finding the same thing. So I’m going to describe for you ways of dealing with ritual abuse programming. I certainly can’t tell you everything that you want to know in forty-five or fifty minutes, but I’m going to give you the essentials to get inside and start working at a new level.
I don’t know what proportion of patients have this. I would guess maybe two-thirds of your ritual abuse patients may have this kind of programming. What do I think is the distinguishing characteristic? If they were raised from birth in a mainstream cult, or if they were a non-bloodline person, meaning neither parent was in the cult, but cult people had a lot of access to them in early childhood, they may also have it.
I have seen more than one ritual abuse patient who clearly had all the kind of ritual things you hear about. They seemed very genuine. They talked about all the typical things that you hear in this population, but based on prolonged extensive checking, they had none of this programming. So for instance I believe in one case I was personally treating that the patient was in a kind of schizmatic break-off that had kind of gone off and done their own thing and were no longer hooked into a mainstream group.
Here’s where the ritual abuse appears to have come from. Near the end of World War II, Allen Dulles [later to become Director of the CIA] and other people from our intelligence community were in Switzerland making contact to get out Nazi scientists. As World War II ended, they not only got out HYPERLINK “http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Paperclip”rocket scientists, but they also HYPERLINK “http://www.personalgrowthcourses.net/video/mind_control_nazi_experiments”got out some Nazi doctors who had been doing mind control research in the concentration camps. They secretly brought them to the United States [through HYPERLINK “http://www.wanttoknow.info/a-project-paperclip-dark-side-the-moon”Project Paperclip].
Along with them was a young boy, a teenager, who had been raised in a Hasidic Jewish tradition with a background of Cabalistic mysticism. That probably appealed to people in the cult, because by the turn of the century HYPERLINK “http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleister_Crowley”Aleister Crowley had been introducing Cabalism into Satanic stuff, if not earlier. I suspect it may have formed some bond between the boy and the Nazis. He saved his skin by collaborating and being an assistant to them in the death-camp experiments. They brought him with the Nazis to the US.
These escaped Nazis started doing mind control research for military intelligence in military hospitals in the United States. These Nazi doctors were Satanists. Subsequently, the boy changed his name, Americanized it some, obtained an M.D. degree, became a physician, and continued this work that appears to be at the center of cult programming today. His name is known to patients throughout the country.
What they basically do in these programs is they get a child and start programming in basic forms, it appears, by about age two and a half, after the child’s already been made dissociative. They’ll make him dissociative not only through abuse, like sexual abuse, but also things like putting a mousetrap on their fingers and teaching the parents, “You do not go in until the child stops crying. Only then do you go in and remove it.”
They start in rudimentary forms at about age two and a half and kick into high gear, it appears, around six or six and a half. They continue through adolescence with periodic reinforcements in adulthood.
During the programming, the child will be put typically on a gurney. They will have an IV in one hand or arm. They’ll be strapped down, typically naked. There will be wires attached to their head to monitor electroencephalograph patterns. They will see a pulsing light, most often described as red, occasionally white or blue. They’ll be given, most commonly I believe, Demerol. Sometimes it will be other drugs as well depending on the kind of programming. They have it, I think, down to a science where they’ve learned you give a set amount every twenty-five minutes until the programming is done.
The patients then will describe a pain on one ear, their right ear generally, where it appears a needle has been placed. They will hear weird, disorienting sounds in that ear while they see photic stimulation to drive the brain into a brainwave pattern with a pulsing light at a certain frequency not unlike the goggles that are now available through Sharper Image and some of those kinds of stores. Then, after a suitable period when they’re in a certain brainwave state, they will begin programming oriented to self-destruction and debasement of the person.
One patient about eight years old had gone through a great deal of early programming which took place on a military installation. That’s not uncommon. I’ve treated and been involved with cases who are part of this original mind control project, as well as having their programming on military installations in many cases. We find a lot of connections with the CIA. This particular child was in a private cult school where several of these sessions occurred a week.
She would be taken into a room to get all hooked up. They would do all of these sorts of things. When she was in the proper altered state, they no longer had to monitor with electroencephalographs. She also already had electrodes placed on her; one in the vagina, for example, four on the head. Sometimes they’ll be on other parts of the body. They would then begin and would say to her, “You are angry with someone in the group.” She’d say, “No, I’m not,” and they’d violently shock her. They would say the same thing until she complied and didn’t make any negative response.
Then they would continue. “When you are angry with someone in the group, you will hurt yourself. Do you understand?” She answered, “No,” and they shocked her. They repeated again, “Do you understand?” “Well, yes, but I don’t want to.” Shock her again until they get compliance.
Then they keep adding to it. “And you will hurt yourself by cutting yourself. Do you understand?” Maybe she’d say yes, but they might say, “We don’t believe you,” and shock her anyway. “Go back and go over it again.” They would continue in this sort of fashion. She said typically it seemed as though they’d go about thirty minutes, take a break for a smoke or something and come back. They might review what they’d done and then stop, or go on to new material. She said the sessions might go half an hour, or as much as three hours. She estimated three times a week.
Programming was done under the influence of drugs in a certain brainwave state, with these noises in one ear and the programmers speaking in the other ear, usually the left ear, which is associated with right hemisphere non-dominant brain functioning. All this while they were talking to her and therefore requiring her intense concentration, intense focusing. Often they would have to memorize and say certain things back, word perfect, to avoid punishment, shock, and other kinds of things that were occurring. This is basically how a lot of programming goes on.
Some of it will also use other typical brainwashing techniques. There will be very standardized types of hypnotic things done at times. There will be sensory deprivation which we know increases suggestibility in anyone. According to the research, suggestibility is significantly increased with total sensory deprivation. It’s not uncommon before they do certain of these things for them to use this a great deal, including formal sensory-deprivation chambers.
Now because we don’t have a lot of time, let me give you as much practical information as I can.
The way that I would inquire as to whether or not some of this programming might be there was to use ideomotor finger signals. After setting them up, I would say, “I want the central inner core of you to take control of the finger signals.” Don’t ask the unconscious mind. The case where you’re inquiring about ritual abuse, that’s for the central inner core. The core is a cult-created part. “And I want that central inner core of you to take control of this hand and of these finger signals. For yes, the finger will float up. I want to ask the inner core of you is there any part of you who knows anything about Alpha, Beta, Delta, or Theta.”
If you get a yes, it should raise a red flag that you might have someone with formal intensive brainwashing and programming in place. I would then say, “I want a part inside who knows something about Alpha, Beta, Delta, and Theta to come up to a level where you can speak to me. And when you’re here say, ‘I’m here.’” I would not ask if a part was willing to do this. No one is going to particularly want to talk about this. I would just say, “I want some part who can tell me about this to come out.” Without leading them, ask what these things are.
On consults where I’ve come in, sometimes I’ve gotten a yes to that, but as I’ve done exploration, it appeared to be some kind of compliance response or somebody wanting, in two or three cases, to appear maybe that they were ritual abuse – and maybe they were in some way – but with careful inquiry and questioning, it was obvious that they did not have this kind of cult programming.
Let me tell you what these programs are. Let’s suppose that this whole front row here are multiples, and that she has an alter named Helen, she [the next woman] has one named Mary, she has one named Gertrude, she has one named Elizabeth, and she has one named Monica. Every one of those HYPERLINK “http://www.didlegit.com/alters.html”alters in each of you may have a program installed, perhaps designated alpha-zero-zero-nine. A cult person could say, “Alpha-zero-zero-nine” or make some kind of hand gesture to indicate this and get the same part out in any one of them, even though they had different names by which they may be known to you.
Alphas appear to represent general programming; the first kind of things put in. Betas appear to be sexual programs, for example, how to perform oral sex in a certain way, how to perform sex in rituals, or programming related to prostitution and producing and directing child pornography. Deltas are killers trained in how to kill in ceremonies. There will also be some self-harm stuff mixed in with the assassination and killing programs. Thetas are called psychic killers.
You know, I had never in my life heard those two terms paired together. I’d never heard the words “psychic” and “killers” put together. But when you have people in different U.S. states where therapists inquired and asked, “What is Theta,” and patients say to them, “Psychic killers,” it tends to make one a believer that these things are very systematic and very widespread. This comes from the programmers’ belief in psychic sorts of abilities and powers, including their ability to psychically communicate with “mother,” and their ability to psychically cause somebody to develop a brain aneurysm and die.
Gamma appears to be system protection and deception programming which will provide misinformation to you the therapist, try to misdirect you, tell you half-truths, and protect different things inside. Then there’s Omega. I usually don’t include that word when I ask my first question about this to any part inside that knows about Alpha, Beta, Delta, Theta, because Omega will shake them even more. Omega has to do with self-destruct programming. Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. This can include self-mutilation as well as suicide programming.
There can also be other Greek letters. I’d recommend that you go and get your entire Greek alphabet. You can verify that some of this stuff is present, and that they have given you some of the right answers about what some of this material is. And I can’t emphasize enough: Do not lead them. Do not ask yes or no questions like, “Is this killers?” Get the answer in statements from them, please.
When you’ve done this and programming appears to be present, I would take your entire Greek alphabet and, with ideomotor signals, go through the alphabet and say, “Is there any programming inside associated with epsilon, omicron,” and go on through the letters. There may be a system to some of the other letters, but I’m not aware of it. I found, for example in one case, that Zeta had to do with the production of snuff films that this patient was involved with.
With another person, Omicron had to do with their linkage and associations with drug smuggling and with the Mafia, big business, and government leaders. So there’s going to be some individualism, I think, in some of those. Some are come-home programs, “come back to the cult” programs.
Here’s the flaw in the system. They have built in shut-down and erasure codes, so if they should get into trouble, they could shut something down. They could also erase a program. These codes will sometimes be idiosyncratic phrases, or ditties. Sometimes they will be numbers maybe followed by a word. There’s some real individuality to that. At first I had hoped if we could decode some of these, maybe they would work with different people. No such luck. It’s very unlikely, unless they were programmed at about the same point in time as part of the same little group.
Stuff that I’ve seen suggests that the programmers carry laptop computers which still include everything that they did twenty, thirty years ago in terms of the names of alters, the programs, the codes, and so on.
Now what you can do is go in and get these erasure codes. And I always ask, “If I say this code, what will happen?” Then double check. “Is there any part inside who has different information?” Watch your ideomotor signals. What I’ve found is that you can erase programs by giving the appropriate codes, but then you must abreact the feelings.
So if I erase Omega, which is often where I’ve started because it’s the most high risk, afterwards I will get all the Omega – or what were formerly Omega alters – together, so that we will abreact and give back to the host the memories associated with all the programming that was done with Omega, and anything any Omega part ever had to do in a fractionated abreaction.
They use the metaphor – and it is their metaphor – of robots. It’s like a robot shell comes down over the child alter to make them act in robotic fashion. Once in a while internally you’ll confront robots. What I found from earlier work, and I speed the process up now because I’ve confirmed it enough times, is that you can say to the core, “Core, I want you to look. There’s this robot blocking the way in some way, blocking the progress. Go around and look at the back of the head and tell me what you notice on the back of the head or the neck.” I just ask it in very non-leading way like that.
And what’s commonly said to me is that there are wires or a switch. So I’ll tell them, “Hold the wires or flip the switch, and it will immobilize the robot. Then give me a yes signal when you’ve done it.” Pretty soon you get a yes signal. “Great. Now that the robot is immobilized, I want you to look inside the robot and tell me what you see.” It’s generally one or several children. I have them remove the children. I do a little hypnotic magic and ask the core to use a laser to vaporize the robot so nothing is left. They’re usually quite amazed that this works, as it has for a number of therapists.
Now the problem is that there are many different layers of this stuff. Let me come over to the overhead and give some ideas about them. What we have up here are innumerable alters.
I’ll tell you one of the fascinating things I’ve seen. I remember a little over a year ago coming in to see some cases, some of the tough cases at a dissociative-disorders unit of a couple of the finest of the MPD therapists in this country. These therapists were always part of all the international meetings and have lectured internationally. We worked together and I looked at some of their patients. They were amazed at certain things, because they had not been aware of this before.
We worked with some of the patients and confirmed this kind of programming. I remember one woman who had been inpatient for three years and still was inpatient. Another had one intensive year of inpatient work with all the finest MPD therapy you can imagine – abreactions, integrations, facilitating cooperation, art therapy, on and on and on. She was journaling intensively for one inpatient year followed by an intensive year of outpatient therapy two to three hours a week.
In both patients we found out that all of this great work had done nothing but deal with the alters. It had not touched the deeper mind control programming. In fact it was not only intact, but we found that the one who was outpatient was having her therapy monitored every session by her mother (who was her programmer), out-of-state, over the telephone. She still had intact suggestions that had been given to her that at a certain future time she would kill her therapist.
There is one thing that I would very carefully check. I would suggest that you ask not just the unconscious mind, but ask the core, “Is there any part inside that continues to have contact with people associated with the cult? Is there any part inside who goes to cult rituals or meetings? Is there a recording device inside of Mary,” if that’s the host’s name. “Is there a recording device inside so that someone can find out the things that are said in sessions?” This doesn’t mean they’re monitored. Many of them just simply have a recording device.
Ask also, “Is there someone who debriefs some part inside for what happens in our therapy sessions?” I have the very uncomfortable feeling from some past experience that when you look at this you will find the large proportion of ritual abuse victims in this country are having their ongoing therapy monitored.
I remember a woman about twenty-four years old who came in and claimed her father was a Satanist. Her parents divorced when she was six. After that, her father had visitation, and he would take her to rituals sometimes up until age fifteen. She said, “I haven’t gone to anything since I was fifteen.” Her therapist believed this at face value. We sat in my office. We did a two-hour inquiry using hypnosis. We found the programming present. In addition to that we found that every therapy session was debriefed, and in fact they had told her to get sick and not come to the appointment with me.
Another one had been told that I was cult, and that if she came I would know that she’d been told not to come, and I would punish her. If anything meaningful comes out in a patient who’s being monitored like that, my belief is you can’t do meaningful therapy other than being supportive and caring and letting them know you care a lot, and you’ll be there to support them. But I wouldn’t try to work with any kind of deep material or deprogramming with those being monitored, because I think it can do nothing but get them tortured and hurt unless they can get into a safe, secure inpatient unit for an extended period of time to do some of the work required. From what I’ve learned thus far, they’re tortured with electric shocks.
I have a feeling that when you make inquiries, you’re going to find that probably greater than fifty percent of these patients, if they’re bloodline – meaning mother or dad or both involved – will be monitored on some ongoing basis.
Now when you go below the HYPERLINK “http://www.didlegit.com/alters.html”alters, you then have programming named Alpha, Beta, Delta, Theta, and so forth – the Greek-letter programming – and they will have backup programs. There will typically be an erasure code for the backups. There may be one code that combines all the backups into one and then an erasure code for them, in other words, one code that erases all the backups.
So I will get the code for, let’s say, Omega and for all the Omega backups at the same time. After I’ve asked “What will happen if I give this,” I will give the code and then say, “What are you experiencing?” They often describe computer whirring, things erasing, explosions inside, all sorts of interesting things. I’ve had some therapists come back and say, “My Lord, I had never said anything about robots and she said something about robots vaporizing.”
I remember one therapist who’d been with me in several hypnosis workshops and consulted with me about a crisis MPD situation. I told her to inquire about Alpha, Beta, Delta, Theta. She did. She got back to me saying, “Yeah, I got an indication it’s there. What is it?” I said, “I’m not going to tell you. Go back and inquire about some of this.” We set an appointment for a week or so hence. She got back with me and said, “I asked what Theta was, and she said, ‘psychic killers.’ I asked her what Delta was, and she said ‘killers.’” Okay. So I told her about some of this stuff for a two-hour consult.
This therapist called back and said, “This seemed too fantastic. I heard this and thought, ‘Has Cory been working too hard?’ I held you in high professional regard, but this just sounded so off in the twilight zone that I really thought, ‘Is he having a nervous breakdown or something?’” She continued, “But I respected you enough to ask about this.”
The therapist said, “I asked another MPD patient.” In this patient she started describing things like how she worked, for example, with an erasure. She was describing things like robots vaporizing and all kinds of things. She said, “But I hadn’t told her about any of these things.”
Well, here’s the problem. There are different layers, and I think some of them are designed to keep us going in circles forever. They figured we probably, in most cases, wouldn’t get below the alters which they purposefully created.
The way you create Manchurian Candidates is you divide the mind. It’s part of what the intelligence community wanted. If you’re going to get an assassin, you divide the mind. Cases like the assassination of Robert Kennedy fascinate me. HYPERLINK “http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,840003,00.html”Bernard Diamond, on examining Sirhan Sirhan, found that he had total amnesia of the HYPERLINK “http://www.wanttoknow.info/a-was-robert-kennedy-killed-a-real-manchurian-candidatestyle-assassin”killing of Robert Kennedy. Yet under hypnosis he could remember it. But after he was out of hypnosis, he could not remember a thing, despite suggestions he would be able to consciously remember. I’d love to examine Sirhan Sirhan.
It appears that below this we’ve got some other layers. One appears to be called “Green Programming.” Isn’t it interesting that the doctor’s name is Dr. Green? Here is one of the questions I use in a way that does not contaminate after I’ve identified that some of this stuff is there and they’ve given me a few right answers about what some of it is. “If there were a doctor associated with this programming and his name were a color, you know, like Dr. Chartreuse or something, if his name were a color, what color would the color be?”
Now once in a while I’ve had some other colors mentioned in about three or four patients that I felt were trying to dissimulate in some way. In one case I got another color, which I found out later it was a doctor whose name was a color who was being trained by Dr. Green almost thirty years ago. He supervised part of the programming of this particular patient under this doctor. I remember one woman couldn’t come up with anything. No alter would speak up with anything. I said, “Okay,” and we went on to some other material. About two minutes later she said, “Green. Do you mean Dr. Green?” We found this all over.
There appears to be some green programming below that. I suspect that you get down to fewer and more central programs the deeper you go. Well, all green programming is ultra-green and the green tree. Cabalistic mysticism is mixed into all this. If you’re going to work with this you need to pick up a couple of books on the Cabala. One called “Qabala” with a “q” is by a man named Dion Fortune. Another by Ann Huffer-Heller is called “The Kabbalah.”
It was interesting. I knew nothing about the Cabala. Then over two years ago, a patient sat in my waiting area who got there considerably early and drew a detailed multicolored Cabalistic tree. It took me two months to figure out what it was. Finally, I showed it to somebody else who said, “You know? That looks an awful lot like the Cabala tree.” That rang a bell with something esoteric in an old book and I dug it out. That led to the background of Dr. Green.
Now the interesting thing about the green tree is his original name was Greenbaum. What does “greenbaum” mean in German? Green tree. I’ve also had patients who didn’t appear to know that his original name was Greenbaum volunteer that there were parts inside named Mr. Greenbaum. Now let me give you some information about parts inside that may be helpful to you if you’re going to inquire about these things, because my experience is that one part will often give you some information and either run dry or get defensive or scared and stop. So you punt and you make an end run. You come around the other direction, and you find another part.
I’ll tell you several parts to ask for. Ask if there’s a part by one of these names. And, by the way, when I’m screening patients and fiddling around with this, I throw in a bunch of spurious ones and ask, “Is there a part inside by this fake name or by that name” as a check on whether or not it appears genuine. Just to see what kind of answers we get. For example, “Is there a part inside named Zelda?” I’ve never encountered one yet! I try to do this carefully.
“In addition to the core,” I ask, “is there a part inside named Wisdom?” Wisdom is a part of the Cabalistic Tree. Wisdom, I’ve often found, will be helpful and give you a lot of information. “Is there a part inside named Diana?” Diana is part of the Cabalistic system that is associated with a part called the Foundation. You will be fascinated to know about that. Remember the Process Church? Roman Polanski’s wife, Sharon Tate, was killed by the Manson family who were associated with the Process Church?
A lot of prominent people in Hollywood were associated with the Process Church, but then they went underground, the books say, in about 1978 and vanished? Well, they’re alive and well in southern Utah. We have a thick file in the Utah Department of Public Safety documenting that they moved to southern Utah, north of Monument Valley, bought a movie ranch in the desert, renovated it, expanded it, and built a bunch of buildings there. The compound is carefully monitored so that very few people go out of there, and no one can get in. They changed their name.
A key word in their name is “Foundation.” There are some other words. The Foundation is part of the Tree. So you can ask, “Is there something inside known as The Foundation?” I might ask other things to throw people off. “Is there something known as the sub-basement?” Well, maybe they’ll conceive of something. Or “Is there something known as the walls?” There are a variety of questions you can come up with, to sort of screen some things out.
I’ve also found that there will often be a part called “Black Master,” a part called “Master Programmer.” And there will typically be computer operators: Computer Operator Black, Computer Operator Green, Computer Operator Purple. Sometimes they’ll have numbers instead, sometimes they’ll be called systems information directors. You can find out the head one of those. That will be a source of some good information for you.
I will ask, “Is there a part inside named Dr. Green?” You’ll find that there are, if they have this kind of programming, in my experience. Usually with a little work and reframing, you can turn them and help them to realize that they were really a child part who’s playing a role, and that they had no choice then. But they do now. You know, they played their role very, very well, but they don’t have to continue to play it with you, because they’re safe here. Ask them, “If the cult simply found out that you talked to me, that they you had shared information with me, tell me what would they do to you.” Emphasize that the only way out is through you, and that they need to cooperate and share information and help you so that you can help them.
Now they have tried to protect this very carefully. Let me give you an example with ultra-green. I used to think this programming was only in bloodline people. I’ve discovered it in non-bloodline people, but it’s a bit different. They don’t want it to be just the same. I don’t think you’ll find deep things like ultra-green and probably not even green programming with non-bloodline people. But let me tell you something that I discovered first in a non-bloodline, and then in a bloodline.
We were going along and a patient was close to getting well, approaching final integration in a non-bloodline. Suddenly she started hallucinating and her fingers were becoming hammers and other things like that. So I used an affect-bridge, and we went back, and we found that they had given suggestions that if she ever got well to a certain point she would go crazy.
The way they did this was they strapped her down and they gave her LSD when she was eight years old. When she began hallucinating they inquired about the nature of the hallucinations, so that they could utilize them in good Ericsonian fashion and build on them, and then combine the drug-effect with powerful suggestions. “If you ever get fully integrated and get well you will go crazy and will be locked up in an institution for the rest of your life.” They gave those suggestions vigorously and repetitively. Finally they introduced other suggestions that, “Rather than have this happen, it would be easier to just kill yourself.” In a bloodline patient then, as I began inquiring about deep material, the patient started to experience similar symptoms. We went back and we found that identical things were done to her.
This was called the “Green Bomb.” Lots of interesting internal consistencies like that play on words with Dr. Greenbaum, his original name. Now in this particular case it was done to her at age nine for the first time, yet hers was different. It was a suggestion for amnesia. “If you ever remember anything about ultra-green and the green tree you will go crazy. You will become a vegetable and be locked up forever.” Then finally the suggestions added, “And if you ever remember, it will be easier to just kill yourself than have that happen to you.”
Three years later at age twelve, they used what sounds like an amytal interview to try to find out if they could breach the amnesia. They couldn’t. So then they strapped her down again, took and gave her something to kind of paralyze her body, gave her an even bigger dose of LSD, and reinforced all the suggestions. They did a similar thing at the age of sixteen. So these are some of the kinds of booby traps you run into.
There are a number of cases where they combined powerful drug effects like this with suggestions to keep us from discovering some of this deeper level stuff.
What’s the bottom? Your guess is as good as mine but I can tell you that I’ve had a lot of therapists who were stymied with these cases who were going nowhere. In fact someone here to whom I told some basic information about this in Ohio a couple of months ago said it opened all sorts of things up in a patient who’d been going nowhere. That’s a common thing.
I think that we can move down to deeper levels, and if we deal with some of the deeper level stuff, it may destroy all the stuff above it. But we don’t even know that yet.
In some of the patients I’m working with we have pretty much dealt with a lot of the top-level stuff. I’ll tell you how we’ve done some of that. We’ll take and erase one system like Omega. Then we will have a huge abreaction of all the memories and feelings in a fractionated abreaction associated with those parts. I typically find I’ll say to them, “Now that we’ve done this are there any other memories and feelings that any parts that were Omega still have?” The answer is usually “No.”
I usually find at this point in time the majority, if not all, of those parts that used to be Omega no longer feel a desire or need to be different. So I will say, “You were split off originally by them and want to go home now to Mary and become one with her again.” I use the concept often now – which came from a patient – of going home and becoming one with her. “Going back from whence you came” is another phrase I’ll use with them. “Are there any Omega parts inside who do not feel comfortable with that or have reservations or concerns about that?” If there are we talk to them. We deal with them. A few may not integrate. My experience is most of the time they’ll integrate. We may integrate twenty-five parts at once in a polyfragmented complex MPD.
I think it is vitally important to abreact the feelings before you go on. Also for many patients it hasn’t seemed to matter the order we use, but I’ve found a couple where it has. If it doesn’t seem to matter, I’ll typically go Omega, then Delta because they have more violence potential, then Gamma to get rid of the self-deception stuff. I don’t want to assume anything. Once we’ve done Omega and showed them that success can occur and something can happen giving them relief, I will say to them, “I want to ask the core – through the fingers – is there a specific order in which programs must be erased?”
Maybe it doesn’t matter, but most of the time I found “No.” Yet there are cases where we found “Yes.” I recommend doing one or two or three of those because they’ll produce relief and a sense of optimism in the patient. But then I would recommend starting to probe for the deeper level things and getting their input and recommendations about the order in which we go.
Q: What has been the typical age and typical gender of this type of person?
Dr. Hammond: I know of this being found in men and women. Yet most of the patients I know with MPD ritual abuse that are being treated are women. A while back I was talking to a small group of therapists somewhere. I told them about some of this. In the middle of talking about some of this all the color drained out of one social worker’s face. She obviously had a reaction, so I asked her about it. She said, “I’m working with a five-year-old boy. Just in the last few weeks he was saying something about a Dr. Green.”
I went on a little further, and I mentioned some of these things, and she just shook her head again. I said, “What’s going on?” She said, “He’s been spontaneously telling me about robots and about Omega.” I think you will find variations of this, and changes they’ve made probably every few years, and maybe somewhat regionally to throw us off in various ways. But certain basics and fundamentals will probably be there. I have seen this in people up into their forties including people whose parents were very, very high in the CIA, and other agencies like that. I’ve had some that were originally part of the Monarch Project, which is the name of the government intelligence project.
Q: I’m still not grasping how one starts, how you find out how to erase. How do you get that information?
Dr. Hammond: I would say, “I want the core, if necessary, using the telepathic communication ability you have to read minds.” They believe in that kind of stuff, so I’ll use it. I was trained in Ericsonian stuff, I’ll say, “Obtain for me the erasure code of all Omega programs. When you’ve done so, I want the yes-finger to float up.” Then I ask them to tell it to me. “Are there backups for Omega programs?” “Yes.” “Okay? How many backups are there?” “Six,” they say, let’s say. It can be different numbers. “Is there an erasure code for all the backup programs?” “No.” “Is there an erasure code that combines all the backups into one?” “Yes.” “Obtain that code for me, and when you’ve got it give me the yes signal again.” It can move almost that fast in some cases where there’s not massive resistance.
Q: Yes, can you tell me what you know about the risks to the therapist? [Laughter]
Dr. Hammond: You would have to ask.
Q: Yeah, I’d like to know that. What kind of data do you have given that you’ve had contact with large numbers of people. Not just threats but also any injury, or any family problems that have arisen. That’s one question. A second one is are you aware of anybody that you’ve treated – or others – with this level of dissociation and trauma that have recovered, that are integrated, whole and happy?
Dr. Hammond: Okay, I have one non-bloodline multiple, a complex multiple who had this kind of programming where they have a lot of access to the patient as neighbors and where the doctor was involved.
By the way, you’ll find physicians heavily involved. The cults have encouraged their own to go to medical school, to prescribe drugs to take care of their own, to get access to medical technology, and to be above suspicion. There is a couple in Utah, in fact, who have been nailed now. We now have in Utah two full time ritual abuse investigators with statewide jurisdiction under the Attorney General’s Office to do nothing but investigate this.
Okay? In a poll done in the State of Utah in January by the major newspaper and television station, they found that ninety percent of Utahans believe that ritual abuse is genuine and real. Not all of them believe it’s a frequent occurrence, but some of that was imparted from two years of work by the Governor’s Commission on Ritual Abuse interviewing, talking, meeting people, and gathering data.
So when people say, “There’s no evidence. They’ve never found a body,” that’s baloney. They found a body in Idaho of a child. They’ve had a case last summer that was convicted on first-degree murder charges. Two people the summer before were arrested in a case where the teenaged girl’s finger and head were in the refrigerator. They were convicted of first-degree murder in Detroit. There have been cases and bodies.
Back to risk. I know of no therapist who has been harmed. But patients inform us that there will come a time when we could be at risk of being assassinated by patients who’ve been programmed to kill at a certain time anyone that they’ve been instructed to do so. Whether that would come about is speculative. Who knows for sure? Maybe, but I don’t think it’s entirely without risk. A question in the back?
Q: There seems to be some similarity between these kinds of programming and those people who claim that they’ve been abducted by spaceships and have had themselves physically probed and reprogrammed and all of that sort of thing. Since Cape Canaveral is across the Florida peninsula from me, and I don’t think that they’ve reported any spaceships lately, I was just wondering is there any sort of relationship between this and that?
Dr. Hammond: I’ll share my speculation that comes from others. I’ve not dealt with any of those people. However, I know a therapist that I trust and respect who I’ve informed about all this a couple of years ago and has found it in a lot of patients. He is firmly of the belief that those people are in fact ritual abuse victims who have been programmed with that sort of thing to destroy all their credibility. If somebody’s coming in and reporting abduction by a flying saucer, who’s going to believe them on anything else in the future? Also as a kind of thing that can be pointed to and said, “This is as ridiculous as that.”
I recently had a telephone consult with a therapist where I had been instructing her about some of this kind of stuff. When we were consulting at one point in the fifth or sixth interview she said, “By the way, do you know anything about this [UFO] topic?” I said, “Well, not really” and shared with her what I just shared with you. I said, “If it were me being with this guy…” that she’d been seeing for a couple of months, I said, “I would ask inside for the core to take control of finger-signals and inquire about Alpha, Beta, Delta, Theta.” She proceeded to do all that, got back to me a week later and said, “Boy, were you on target. There is a part inside named Dr. Green. There’s this kind of programming.”
Q: What’s the difference between this kind of program and cult-type abuse or Satanic abuse – the kind of cults with the candles and the…
Dr. Hammond: This type of programming will be done in the cults with the candles and all the rest. My impression is that this is simply done in people where they have great access to them, or where they’re bloodline and so their parents are in it. Or they can be raised in it from an early age. If they are bloodline, they are the chosen generation. If not, they’re expendable. They are expected to die and not get well. There will be booby traps set in your way such that if they aren’t non-bloodline people, when they get well, they will kill themselves. My belief is that some people that have ritual abuse and don’t have this programming have been ritually abused, but they may be part of a non-mainstream group. Satanism shows up as the philosophy overriding all of this.
People ask, “What’s the purpose of it?” My best guess is that they want an army of Manchurian Candidates, tens of thousands of mental robots who will do prostitution, child pornography, smuggle drugs, engage in international arms smuggling, do snuff films, and all sorts of other very lucrative things. These Manchurian Candidates will do the bidding of their masters, so that eventually the megalomaniacs at the top believe they can create a Satanic Order that will rule the world. One last question. Then I’ll give you couple of details and we need to shift gears.
Q: You have suggested and implied that at some point there was support of this kind of thing at a high level of the U.S. Government. I know we’re short of time, but could you just say a few words about the documentation that may exist for that suggestion?
Dr. Hammond: There isn’t great documentation on this. The evidence comes from victims who are imperiled witnesses. The interesting thing is how many people have described the same scenario and how many people that we have worked with who have had relatives in NASA, in the CIA, and in the military, including very high-ups in the military.
A friend and colleague of mine has probably the equivalent of half the table space on that far side of the room filled with boxes of declassified documents from mind control research done in the past which has been declassified over a period of a couple decades. This friend has read more government documents about mind control than anyone else. He has a brief that has literally been sent in the past week and a half asking for all information to be declassified about the Monarch Project for us to try to find out more.
Now let me mention something about some of the stuff based on my experience with several patients that you may run into late in the process. I know I’m throwing a lot at you in a hurry. Some of it is completely foreign and some of you may think, “Gosh, could any of this be true?” Just ask. Find out in your patients, and you may be lucky if there isn’t any of this. Somewhere at a deep level you may run into some things like this. Let me describe to you the system in one patient I had treated for quite a while, a non-bloodline person.
We had done what appeared to be successful work and reached final integration. She came back to me early last year and said she was symptomatic with some things. I started inquiring. I found a part there we had integrated. The part basically said, “There was other stuff that I couldn’t tell you about, and you integrated me and so I had to split off.” I had done some inquiring about things like Alpha and Beta as a routine part of it and found they were there. I then said to this part, “Why didn’t you tell me about this stuff?” She said, “Well, we gave you some hints but they went right over your head.” She further commented, “I’m sorry, but we know that you didn’t know enough to help us, but now we know you can.” So the stuff started coming out. It was interesting.
She described the overall system – if I can remember it now – as being like this. The circle represented harm to the body, a system of alters whose primary purpose was to hurt her including symptoms like Munchhausen’s, self-mutilation, other kinds of things. Each of the triangles represented still another different system. She said, “With the exception of me,” this one part speaking, “you dealt with the whole circle with the work that we did before, but you didn’t touch the rest of the stuff.”
In the middle of all this was still another system consisting of the Cabalistic tree, of which some of you are aware. It looks approximately like this with lines in between and so on and so forth. There’s a rough approximation. That represented another system. Then once we got past that, she implied that this entire thing was somehow encompassed by an hourglass.
I kept thinking we were at final integration, but then I’d find still other parts. This person had an eagle-eye husband that was watching for certain things that we found to be reliable indicators. So often I would get evidence of dissociation within a few days. It would suddenly be picked up. I continued to find evidence of dissociation, and I’d find other parts. Finally this part, as I got angry with him and said, “Why when I give these ideomotor inquiries am I getting lied to?” This part said, “Because you don’t understand. You’re going to get us all killed.”
We started talking, and then she basically said, “It’s been programmed so that if you succeed and think you’ve succeeded, you will fail. They build it in as a way to laugh at you, that if you ever get us integrated, we will die.”
Here’s what she said, or rather this male part of her said, “I’m one of twelve disciples.” I’ve seen this in others, twelve disciples within this hourglass, each of whom had to memorize a disciple-lesson which were basic Satanic kind of premises, philosophies of life like “be good to those who hurt you, hate those who are nice to you,” on and on. There may be two or three sentences like that associated with each part, and they had to memorize them.
They said, “We are like grains of sand falling, and when the last grain of sand falls, there’s Death.” I said, “Is Death a part?” “Yes. When the last grain of sand falls, the Sleeping Giant awakens.” The Sleeping Giant was Death, who was then to kill them on day one or day six after awakening unless certain things were followed, and we did some of those.
Well we also found Death had a sister as a backup, used with mirrors to create the sister part. We had to get past that too. Death had certain things that they said had to be done to integrate. I started to say, “Oh, come on, they lied to you before.” She said, “Wait a minute. This is what they said you’d say. They said that no doctor would ever believe that they had to go these extremes to get us well, and that’s part of the reason they’d fail.” I said, “Well, tell me, tell me again.”
She said, “I have to be dressed all in red. I have to have taken Demerol. A code has to be given, and it has to be in a room that’s totally dark. It has to happen on day one or day six after this part has been awakened.”
I said what I’d have to lose? I had a psychiatrist give her a little Demerol. We used the code. My office didn’t have any windows anyway. It was pretty easy. Oh, and there had to be four, I think, candles lit. Well, fine. So we did it, and everything went well. Maybe it would have gone well if we hadn’t done it, but I decided not to take the chance and to maybe trust the patient.
So we go on and then we find another part. There’s Death And Destruction, another backup also with a sister that we had to get through. In fact, I think there were two backups there. Interestingly, the very last part was an extremely nice part, made especially that way so that they wouldn’t want to lose them, because they would be so adorable and so loving and so sweet that they wouldn’t want to get rid of them. Then we found that she continued to have these feelings with this last part left now of darkness and blackness inside. And what did we then find? A curtain.
By the way, we had encountered information about the LSD stuff, the green bomb programming. She then said, “There is a curtain behind which are the remaining feelings and memories, but it can’t be opened from the middle. It’s like a stage curtain. It has to opened this way,” implying that it can’t be opened. They assumed that you would try to deal with all the feelings. That can’t be opened until you’ve dealt with that last part and they’ve integrated. So far it looks like we’ve got integration that’s holding in this patient. So I found Death And Destruction and the Hourglass in non-bloodline patients.
“The Tree and the Hourglass,” this patient informed me, “were made of sand because we were meant to die. We’re expendable. We’re the unchosen generation.”
I’ve heard variously that it’s crystals or blood that fills the hourglass in bloodline people. By the way, it’s important to know that you can do real simple things like turn the hourglass on its side so nothing can fall out, so that time stands still to be able to do certain kinds of work. You can spread the grains of sand on the seashore, so that they can’t be numbered and the time will not be counted. Got that idea from a ritual abuse victim who had seen some of this kind of programming done by another therapist.
So those are just a few other hints about things that may be helpful or meaningful. We’re talking about very intensive therapy and at deep levels. I’ve found this give us two things. One is hope, because it gets to the deepest material, and it makes progress like nothing we’ve ever seen with these people who have it. The second thing it does for me is it demoralizes me, too, because although three years ago I had a pretty good idea about the extent and breadth of what they had done to these victims, I had no real appreciation for the depth, breadth and intensity of what they had done.
I want to come back to the other question over here now of how many of them can get well?
We don’t know. In most things in the mental health profession we accept that two-thirds of the patients are going to improve, or maybe seventy percent. There’s very little hope we can get everybody well. I think one of the sad things we have to face is that many of these patients will probably never be well. My personal belief is that if they are being messed with, their only hope of getting well is if they can somehow get out of contact.
Now I know patients who have gone to other states, but then deep-level alters pick up the phone and called their programmers saying, “This is our new address and phone number.” So now they can be picked up by other local programmers. I mean picked up in an inpatient unit for an extended period of time. If they are in a cult from their area and they are still being monitored and messed with, my own personal opinion is we can’t get them well, and we can’t offer anything more than humanitarian caring and supportiveness.
Lots of therapists do not like to hear this, but that’s my opinion. I believe that if somehow they’re lucky enough and wealthy enough to have protection, to have somehow gotten from their programmers, and if we can work with them without being messed with, then they have a chance to reach some semblance of normality and livability with enough intensive work. My own personal belief is I don’t think anybody with this kind of programming is well in this country yet, though there are some who are well on the way. I’ve got a couple who are well along in their work and have done a tremendous amount, but they’re clearly not well yet.
Q: Could you speculate on the relationship between this stuff and the fantasy games that have been proliferating, Dungeons and Dragons and that sort of thing?
Dr. Hammond: Well, there are a lot of things out there to cue people. You want to see a great, interesting movie, to cue people? Go see “Trancers II.” You can rent it in your video shop. Came out last fall. Fascinating. They’re talking about Green World Order. Yes, “Trancers II.” And who is the production company? Full Moon Productions. I couldn’t see much cueing in “Trancers I,” but who’s the production company in “Trancers I”? Alter Productions. There are lots of things around that are cueing.
There’s an interesting person in the late sixties who talked about the Illuminati. Have any of you ever heard of the Illuminati with regard to the cult? Had a patient bring that up to me just about exactly two years ago. We’ve now had other stuff come out from other patients. Appears to be the name of the international world leadership. There appear to be Illuminatic councils in several parts of the world, and one internationally. The Illuminati is the name of the international leadership of the cult supposedly. Is this true? Well, I don’t know. It’s interesting we’re getting some people who are trying to work without cueing who are saying some very similar things. There was an old guy in Hollywood in the late sixties who talked about the infiltration of Hollywood by the Illuminati.
Certainly what some patients have said is that all of this spook stuff, horror stuff, possession and everything else that’s been popularized in the last twenty years in Hollywood is done in order to soften up the public so that when a Satanic world order takes over, everyone will have been desensitized to so many of these things, plus to continually cue lots of people out there.
Now is this true? Well, I can’t definitely tell you that it is. What I can say is I now believe that ritual abuse programming is widespread, is systematic, and is very well organized based on highly esoteric information which is published nowhere. It has not been on any book or talk show. We have found it all around this country and in at least one foreign country.
Let’s take a couple of quick questions and we need to get on to other material. Yes?
Q: Do you have any techniques for decreasing your level of uncertainty that a patient is or is not still being tampered with, “messed with,” as you said?
Dr. Hammond: Just that I would ask several of the parts I’ve inquired about, Core, Diana, Wisdom, Master Programmer. I would ask several parts inside about these sorts of things and keep asking it. As you do additional work and get a bit further, I would ask again to find out.
Q: I wonder if you’ve heard or you know of the Martin Luther Bloodline?
Dr. Hammond: I know nothing about Martin Luther Bloodline but I’ll give you one quick tip. Ask him about an identification code. There’s an identification code that people have. It will involve their birth date. It may involve places where they were programmed, and it will usually involve a number that will be their birth order, like zero-two if they were second born. It will usually also involve a number that represents the number of generations in the cult, if they are bloodlines. I’ve seen up to twelve now, twelve generations.
Q: I have seen a lot of the things you’ve been describing today in several patients. You mentioned something about systems here. Are there seven systems?
Dr. Hammond: There has been that described in some patients, yes, the seven systems.
Q: Could you say what that is or draw a little diagram?
Dr. Hammond: I don’t think we know enough to know what it is, honestly. I think it may have to do with seven Cabalistic trees.
Q: It’s not a question. But I wanted to say for myself, personally, and perhaps for others here as well, thank you very sincerely for taking this time to come forward.
Dr. Hammond: Well…
Q: Does anyone want to join us for a standing ovation for this material? It’s wonderful.
Dr. Hammond: I have a dear friend who’s one of the top people in the field, who I know has had death threats. I know he struggled for professional credibility because of his belief in MPD. He was harshly criticized for just believing in that ten or fifteen years ago. He struggled to the point of straining professional credibility. I think in his heart of hearts, he knows it’s true, but he will still say things like, “I wouldn’t be surprised to find tomorrow it was an international conspiracy, and I wouldn’t be surprised to find tomorrow that it is an urban myth and rumor.”
He tries to stay right on the fence. And the reason is because it’s controversial, because there is a campaign underway saying that these are all false memories induced by “Oprah” and by books like “The Courage to Heal” and by naive therapists using hypnosis. It’s controversial.
My personal opinion has come to be if they’re going to kill me, they’re going to kill me. There’s going to be an awful lot of information that’s been put away that will go to investigative reporters and multiple investigative agencies. If I ever have an accident, an awful lot of people like you, I hope, will be pushing for a very large-scale investigation. I think we have to stand up at some point as some kind of moral conscience.
I tried to wait until we had gotten enough verification from independent places to have some real confidence that this was widespread.
I know we’ve gone like a house on fire to try to pack as much as I could in for you. I hope it’s given you some things to think about and some new ideas, and I appreciate being with you.
[Long sustained applause]
These quotes from one of the most respected therapists in ritual abuse, Alison Miller, give a good overview of this subject, from her book ― Healing the Unimaginable: Treating Ritual Abuse and Mind Control:
Imagine that you have periods of “lost time.” You may find writings or drawings which you must have done, but do not remember producing. Perhaps you find child-sized clothing or toys in your home but have no children. You might also hear voices or babies crying in your head.
Imagine that you can never predict when you will be able to have certain knowledge or social skills, and your emotions and your energy level seem to change at the drop of a hat, and for no apparent reason.
You cannot understand why you feel what you feel, and, if you are in therapy, you cannot explore those feelings when asked. Your life feels disjointed and often confusing. It is a frightening experience. It feels out of control, and you probably think you are going crazy. That is what it is like to be multiple, and all of it is experienced by the ANPs. [Alternate Personality]
A multiple may also experience very concrete problems, even life-threatening ones.”
“Since the 1980s, therapists have reported encountering clients or patients who had experienced extreme abuses featuring physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, and cognitive aspects, along with a premeditated structure of torture-enforced lessons. The phenomena was first labeled “ritual abuse,” and, later, as our understanding developed, “mind control.”
“Those who are aware of their condition and experience themselves as “multiple” might refer to themselves as “we” rather than “I.” I shall use the term “multiple” at times, in respect for their internal experience. It is important to point out, however, that I recognize that someone who is multiple is actually a single fragmented person rather than many people. On the outside, a multiple is probably not visibly different from anyone else. But that image is only an imitation: people who are multiple cannot think like the rest of us, and we cannot think like them. (In fact, since it is difficult for the multiple to understand how singletons think, some of them might think that is is you who are strange).
Just as a singleton cannot become a multiple at will, a multiple cannot become a singleton until and unless the barriers between the parts of the self are removed. Those barriers were put up to enable the child to tolerate, and so survive, unavoidable abuse.
[Multiple: a person with dissociative identity disorder (DID) or DDNOS.
Singleton: a person without DID or DDNOS, i.e with a single, unified personality]”
“Programming is the act of installing internal, pre-established reactions to external stimuli so that a person will automatically react in a predetermined manner to things like an auditory, visual or tactile signal or perform a specific set of actions according to a date and/or time.”
“The first generation of therapists doing this work were told by their clients that the one massive cult was everywhere, knew everything, had access to state-of-the-art technology, and was willing to kill both clients and therapists to stop the information from getting out.”
“The reality is that even before stories of ritual abuse and mind control began coming out to therapists, the groups had agreed on what kind of disinformation to spread, so that clients would be afraid to tell their therapists what had happened to them, and therapists would be afraid to work with these clients.”
“Because the problem of ritual abuse and mind control has not gone away – the survivors are still there – many more therapists have learnt about it. Survivors have spoken out and written their stories, and therapists have learnt a great deal from those brave survivors who have discovered what was done to them. There is a large special interest group on Ritual Abuse and Mind Control within the International Society for the Study of Dissociation. Those therapists who have learnt in isolation or in small private online forums are once again sharing their knowledge widely, and books such as this one are beginning to be published again. The work is still very difficult and challenging, but we now know so much more than we did. We know that there is not one massive Satanic cult, but many different interrelated groups, including religious, military/political, and organized crime, using mind control on children and adult survivors. We know that there are effective treatments. We know that many of the paralyzing beliefs our clients lived by are the results of lies and tricks perpetrated by their abusers. And we know that, as therapists, we can combat this evil with wise and compassionate therapy.”
“A child who is being abused on an ongoing basis needs to be able to function despite the trauma that dominates his or her daily life. That becomes the job of at least one ANP [alternate personality], whom the child creates to be unaware of the abuse and also of the multiplicity, and to “pass as normal” in the real world. The ANP is just an alter specialized for handling the adult world—in other words, the “front person” for the system.”
“In fact, rather than being “more” than the others, the ANP is generally one that is very limited, with little power in the system, little memory of what happened, and limited energy or emotions.”
“It is unlikely that one ANP will serve as a constant throughout the person’s life. Your client is, therefore, likely to have others besides the ones you know, or several who you might think of as “the host”. Adults with dissociative disorders often have several ANPs from earlier stages of life inside. They usually have the same name but are of different ages. Sometimes, there are several current ANPs, each of whom assumes she or he is the “real” person and is amnesiac for the existence of the others. Their current knowledge and experience may overlap, while their other characteristics differ somewhat. This makes them glide easily from one to the other, and the therapist can easily miss the switch.”
“I remember one of my first ritually abused clients confessing to me that for a long time she had remembered being abducted by aliens, but had not told me because she did not want me to disbelieve her other memories because of it. We worked through the “alien abduction” memory and discovered that the “spaceship” was parked in the courtyard of the cult training center.”
“Besides stage magic props and settings, ritually abusing groups use technology, such as that described by Katz and Fotheringham. Military/political groups have the most sophisticated technologies, and much training or programming is now done with virtual reality equipment. Movies and holograms are used to deceive a child into believing in things that are unreal.
When a client says to you “I don’t know if it’s real; how can it be real?” remember that there are several options, not just two: (1) It happened just as s/he remembers; (2) it did not happen at all; (3) something happened, but due to technology and/or trickery it was not what s/he thinks it was; (4) the thought that the memory must be unreal is itself a program, as described in Chapter Twelve, “Maybe I made it up.”
“In my client who had confessed her “alien abduction” experience, an alter had been instructed that if she began to remember the ritual abuse she was to remember the alien abduction, so that nobody would believe her account of the ritual abuse. This program did not work with us, but you can imagine the larger consequences of such a ruse.”
― Alison Miller, Healing the Unimaginable: Treating Ritual Abuse and Mind Control
Wow! This free hour-long “event” by John and Ocean Robbins, “The Healthy Kitchen Power Hour” is amazing.
I’ve read or heard most of the raw information in it (radical news-reader that I’ve been for decades), but was excited to hear how they put so much media-repressed information about food into one very easy-to-understand presentation, with passion, facts, and some interesting family history (even though I’d heard the history before too).
Some listeners might be overwhelmed by the seriousness of the need to make radical changes in this most basic human activity of eating, except that the Robbins begin first by stressing the potential personal power that’s within all our reach: They offer a slew of tips on how to create new habits to overcome the major issues people have with cooking.
Those major issues most people have are: time, cost, and stress or confusion about what’s good and what’s not. They respect the listener by assuming that they already want to make change (most people do), and save the “Here’s the dire consequences if you don’t” till after they’ve made the listener imagine how easy it could be. That’s when they explain with a few facts why it’s so important to us personally and to the planet. Personal power first, and then a gentle kick in the butt.
It was crafted well, a very good sell. (Not that I need to be sold. For me, it was terrifically reinforcing of some new improvements I’ve recently begun.)
It’s personable voices telling personal stories and advocating simple good sense around probably the most important animal thing we do: eat. It’s simple and it’s huge; it’s about human survival.
In the end they sell a personal 6-week course, in which they coach participants through making changes – and I hope they get a lot of participants. It’s the sort of thing that could be evolved into local versions everywhere, and should.
Personally, I’m tickled that I “invented” for myself some of their tips decades ago – such as the idea of pre-printing a personal shopping list – with our family’s personal favorite healthiest foods on it – in columns that matched the floor plan of our food coop. It made shopping super efficient and helped us avoid impulse buying.
So it was nice to have John Robbins, long a hero of mine, present an idea we must have both plucked out of the same ethers – to help everyone eat more healthy in this fast-paced world.
Here’s the link to the free webinar. I hope it still plays; if not, somewhere on the site, I hope, you will find a new link.
This post is very different from most of what I write about, and it’s more salesy than anything I’ve ever written. But the thing is free. And it’s about the most basic aspect of our health, which includes our mental health.
And I’ve been thinking a lot recently that I have no idea how people can recover from the sort of trauma we’re dealing with here while eating the average American diet.
So, for all my suffering readers who need to improve their mental health, please begin with your food. It’s a huge step to take, and a spiritual one (as John Robbins touches on lightly in this video). I think the video can help almost anyone in America.
It’s free. And it’s about personal power.
Mental health is not something stable that “is” or “is not,” but something that it can be improved or made worse by any number of circumstances, including diet.
Just because I’ve been made a multiple personality, with dissociation, amnesia, and memory challenges, doesn’t determine my day-to-day functioning. For many decades, I’ve been able to hide (even from myself) my deficits and actually perform, sometimes, at testable genius levels. Other times, I’ve been so severely disabled, I thought it best I leave this life.
These differences in mental functioning can’t easily be tied to diet, except intuitively. And I’ve intuited that I want to go on yet another personal crusade to further improve the food I put into my body – and I’ve begun. It’s been just a few days of making food my “medicine,” and I’m already feeling great!
I’ve been eating organic since 1978. Back in 1976, I gave up meat, then began eating it again. I went off milk products in 1986 and immediately experienced the end of 20 years of acne (!), but now I’m testing myself on goat-milk yogurt because I believe I need more protein. Yes, I’ve changed directions at times, as has the culture and certainly the entire medical industry (so I refuse to let that discredit my attempts), but my path has always been toward greater health.
I’m working now with Susun Weed’s New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way: Alternative Approaches for Women 30 – 90, making my own yogurt, cooking up “Strong Bone Stew,” and learning (again) the value of greens and exactly which greens are best for me. Her book is impressively broad in its scope, speaking to women along a wide spectrum of attitudes toward medical industry and ancient lore. While only a small part of her book includes recipes, I’m having a blast in the kitchen like I haven’t in years!
And just a moment ago, I was drawn to watch a 3-minute video, “Got B-12? Deficiency Causes Mental Illness” by Dr. Kelly Brogan – not because I think my issues are dietary, of course, but I sure don’t need diet making things worse.
There’s a good chance that I’ve done so well in my life, despite all, because my mother and grandmother were such serious nutritionists, and I ate quite well as a child and took nutrition seriously.
When pregnant with my first child, I bought The Mennonite Cookbook and Adele Davis’ Let’s Cook it Right, so that I could get the most nutrition for my dollar. And I’ve continued to improve my diet over the decades, to where I’m now excitedly adding herbs and (maybe to some, obscure) root vegetables like burdock to my soup for their minerals.
I’d heard about Vit B-12 before and had purchased a bottle, which I was ignoring. It’s on my desk now, and I’ll probably add a line to my Daily Check Sheet (read about it here) to make sure I take it regularly. Just put a dropper-ful under my tongue – sweet!
Oh, yeah – and tonight at 6:30 (MDT), I’ll be taking a free webinar with John and Ocean Robbins, billed as the “Healthy Kitchen Power Hour.” If you miss it, their site has great videos and other help to get you enthused. I’m enthused, and I’ve changed my diet. Enthusiasm alone, I’m sure we’ve all experienced at one time, is healing in itself.
Let’s go for it. Let’s take the time to make food our medicine. It probably won’t cost us any more than eating cheap and fast. I’m loving it already.
Wishing you well.
Philip Corso, Sr, National Security Advisor to President Eisenhower, said “those of us in the military… had negotiated a kind of surrender with them as long as we couldn’t fight them.”
Leaders were forced to negotiate the bad deal “because they knew what we feared most was disclosure. Hide the truth and the truth becomes your enemy. Disclose the truth and it becomes your weapon. We hid the truth and the [extra-terrestrials] used it against us.” [bracketed words not mine, but in my source]
[*Can anyone find out what Corso actually said in place of “extra-terrestrials” inserted in brackets? Aliens? or Archons? I wonder.]
Other researchers add that part of the negotiation gave the aliens right to use a certain number of humans for certain purposes; assertions are made that the aliens have regularly overstepped their agreements and used humans in ways not agreed to.
Both reptilian and fetal-like aliens are supposedly connected to mind control, and somehow I was put in their program as a child, perhaps because Mormons are in league with them, and my family was jack-Mormon (fallen away) married to non-Mormon, but we were accessible, as we attended church now and then when pressured. In addition, my pediatrician was Mormon Addison Udall, cousin of Secretary of Interior Stewart Udall, who was also our neighbor for a short while (immediately following my 2 years’ amnesia, presumably in mind control). And both my parents had had childhoods in which they were separated from their parents during young, critical years, a situation often linked to childhood mind control subjection.
I have amnesia at the same age as other mind control subjects (and similar to my parents’ separation from their parents). And my kids were taken from me during approximately the same years. Mind control is worked most intensely within families.
The specter of it sometimes blows me away. But I always pull myself back together and remind myself that we don’t see the whole picture, as we’ve been culturally numbed from experiencing the other dimensions. In response, I remember my infinite spirit and my soul family, and I reconnect and strengthen myself.
I’ve seen “many things” (as prophesied to me once) and wrote about them in my book, “RattleSnake Fire: a memoir of extra-dimensional experience.” I know I have helpers on other realms, in many forms.
I used to love to go into the spiral at night when I was a child, anticipating my loving family – but only when they opened the door for me. And as an adult I’ve come back from a trip into the sky, babbling gratitude, unable to stop, laughing at myself for my continued babbling, but terrifically happy and in love with the cosmos and the powerful connections that I have there.
So I don’t worry about Archons or aliens too much. But I should probably not forget them either, as they still interfere in my life. But not mortally so. It always results in a spiritual wake-up, which I evidently need.
In my reading, I’ve come across the work of John Lamb Lash, who quotes Carl Jung, Carlos Castaneda, and Jacques Vallee – three writers I’ve long trusted. He says our protection is in the Goddess Sophia – interesting, because I’ve had a difficult time with “the Goddess.”
This is very hard to admit, and I’ve known it was probably part of my mind control. The result is, as much as I love my garden, I resist going out there to just sit because the plants talk to me too much! The trees send me healing energy so powerful it makes me want to weep. And I don’t want to weep, as it triggers too much pain. Plus they tell me to be still, and I have a hard time sitting still. Maybe I’m more afraid than I’ve wanted to admit. And so I avoid even my own garden sometimes, and definitely ignore any Goddess Sophia.
Nearly the entire government is infected by the destructive energies, such is banking, medicine, education, religion, and all the industries of popular culture. And it seems there is a concerted effort to kill all the life on the planet, with poisons, nuclear waste, “death genes,” sonic “experiments,” HAARP, industrial over-harvesting, and more, none of which politics can touch.
So what do we do?
One of the essays I found said that Sophia’s gift is to help us imagine.
And I do. But there’s a problem when people only imagine the Light and refuse to look at the Dark.
We need more warriors willing to look at this problem of mind control and dark energies running our government and every aspect of culture.
We need to look for their weakness, which some writers say is their arrogance, hiding the fact that they really don’t know everything.
And we need to remember our power, that we are far more powerful than we’ve been allowed to remember.
We’ve forgotten that we have extra-dimensional capabilities as well as extra-dimensional allies.
It seems we could be losing this fight on Earth, given the massive web of interrelated environmental, economic, societal, even geological problems presenting right now. And maybe this is the end of a chapter of human evolution: we’ll learn our lessons, the planet will go into upheaval, and all will start over again with plate-techtonics, earthquakes, and polar shifts.
While this doesn’t feel like a terrible thing, mind control continuing wherever is a terrible thing.
Some say the Earth is moving into a dimension that could split us, like a prism splits a light beam into colors of different wavelengths, and those who vibrate at a higher frequency will split off into one dimension, and those who vibrate at lower frequencies will go into other dimensions, the Earth maybe continuing on into two different timelines.
In our timeline, what shall we do? I think we’re well-experienced enough to realize that we need a new mutually-cooperative manner of decision-making (a new politics), new ideas around money (whether to use it or not), personal responsibility, technology, community, communications, extra-dimensionality, and so much more.
This is, I believe, where Sophia’s creative imagination comes in.
And we have to imagine a way to deal with certain of the aliens. Do we banish them or integrate them? Teach them or offer to help them evolve? Offer amnesty or bind them and throw them into hell? What do we imagine?
One writer described his perception of the reptilian energies in a manner that strongly paralleled my perceptions: powerful, ancient, and evil.
But one of my reptilian experiences had another angle: the being actually helped me and my former partner, though in a manner that seemed insulting to my boyfriend at the time. In retrospect, it was a Trickster-sort of lesson, and in the end good for us both.
So, is there something about the contrary alien energies we can benefit from? I know some criminals think they’re doing the world a favor by teaching stupid people not to be so gullible, and they laugh about it. Could it be that the entire dark energy field is a field for teaching and helping stupid humans evolve?
“Too many inspirations” has long been my excuse, as well as my pride, but a couple of months ago, I said, “I quit!” and I really, truly did quit quite a few things:
~ I quit my home and yard design business.
~ I quit singing.
~ I hardly planted anything in the garden.
~ And more I’ll spare you.
What I decided to do was two things: 1) Pay primary attention to healing – figuring out how to monitor my wandering, easily-distractable mind, meditate, pay attention to the communications of my alters and their healing status, stay focused on my “big questions,” track my progress, etc. – and 2) write about it. That’s all I would do, besides the necessary mundane work.
I was due to get my first Social Security check, and Greg was willing to take up the slack while I practiced this discipline for some unknown length of time – Thank you, Greg!
So I’ve been monitoring, listening, focusing and tracking since early August – applying effective business skills to my head – and writing about it in my various blogs. (Details here.)
And exciting things are happening! I’m noticing phenomenal changes in my ability to track my own ideas more coherently, also feeling more calm, alert, and present – a powerful experience for me.
And just what I’d hoped for.
But there was a surprise too: Singing, which I’d always felt was the least of my talents is the one thing that has come back to me.
After six weeks of leaving the house when Greg and other musicians would get together, he drew me back for a single song, and then “just a few,” and then one night he led the band in a whole series of my favorite songs, and I just couldn’t leave. And here’s the surprise: I liked my voice. It had changed.
That, plus the fact that so many people challenged my decision and told me they wanted to keep hearing our harmonies gave me permission to accept singing back into my life.
As they say, “If you let it go and if it returns, it’s yours.”
So: I accept. Gratefully. And I enjoy it so much more now that I’ve discovered my voice is new.
A few days ago (Oct 3), Greg and I were singing and I spontaneously suggested we go into the office and record one of our co-written originals, “Lying Here with You,” with the minimalist PhotoBooth software on the Mac. Not fancy recording equipment by a long shot – but, wouldn’t you know, it was heart-felt, and got heart-warming responses on Greg’s website and Facebook page.
So I invite you to take a listen. It’s sensuous and sweet.
Maybe we should all just quit things now and then. And see what comes back.
One more thing I was hoping for, but not too hopefully: teaching Greg to do more of his marketing! But that came back to me too! I spent all day Sunday – 15 hours! – happily updating it – and it wasn’t work – it was artwork, and very satisfying. (Greg kept me fed, and responded to my every need while I worked.) Here’s the new design.
I pray all our activities are exactly what we should be doing, and if we have any doubts that we have the Courage to Quit – at least for a while, to see what returns.
Many happy returns!
Rob Brezny’s horoscope for Cancers this week is as entertaining as ever, and it provoked me to revisit a subject I’ve been trying to ignore for twelve years: the nature of humans as (among other things) mind-controlled and genetically manipulated for the purposes of Others whom we’re mind controlled not to notice or talk about.
My first reading of Rob’s horoscope was so provocative that I forwarded it to my partner to read with me later, so I could delete it from my inbox and get on to other tasks.
End of day, Greg read me his horoscope – wonderful, inspiring, over-the-top with promise for what we can make of our lives and the adventure it is.
Then Greg read me my horoscope “for the week beginning October 1”:
CANCER (June 21-July 22): In the wild, very few oysters produce pearls — about one in every 10,000.
Most commercial pearls come from farmed oysters whose pearls have been induced by human intervention.
As you might expect, the natural jewel is regarded as far more precious.
Let’s use these facts as metaphors while we speculate about your fate in the next eight months.
I believe you will acquire or generate a beautiful new source of value for yourself.
There’s a small chance you will stumble upon a treasure equivalent to the wild pearl.
But I suggest you take the more secure route: working hard to create a treasure that’s like a cultivated pearl.
Why did I about swoon with that?
And why did I suddenly remember a woman I only knew by name – nine years ago – until the night she spoke to me at a gas station on a lonely dark road in Cochise County, south of Elfrida, Arizona. She was nearly hysterical as I stood listening, truly having compassion, but unable to offer her any consolation, and knowing that no one could.
She’d heard – I don’t know how because I kept it a secret – that I’d had “alien” experiences; she had too, and she began to relate how she finally understood reality: we are like cattle to Them, nothing but cattle, and They will do anything to us that They want.
She saw no point in living – and said this not with despair, but as much impassioned hysteria as a person could show while trying to convey a secret to the only person in the world who might get it – standing next to gas pumps with the clerk looking out through the window.
I don’t remember anything I said in response. I had no hopeful words. I’d been suffering all sorts of weird things in my hermitage – going up into the sky with no other memories, highway stops while immobilized with missing time and no other memories, waking unable to move while people seemed to be moving furniture in my house, being hit between the eyes with a beam and immobilized, waking with a healed thyroid scar on my neck, and a hundred other weirdnesses. I was trying to be brave and figure it out, learn whatever spiritual skills might make me a warrior able to keep Them at bay, and maybe offer help to others. I had no energy for hysteria, but I understood hers very well. Perhaps some inner parts of me were agreeing, “Yeah, that’s how we feel,” while my outer alter just stared.
She was going to flee her land. She was outa there. She’d invested the last decade and all her money there, and now she didn’t know where to go, but she couldn’t stay. She might just run, live in her truck forever, and make it hard for Them by never staying in one place. It might be horrible, and maybe They’d chase her, but she couldn’t stay. Could not stay.
The last I saw of her, this woman whose name I can’t remember was driving away in her old truck with a hand-built wooden house on the back, tearful and hysterical. I worried for her and was frightened that her theory of being like cattle wasn’t one to simply dismiss. It fit all our symptoms, and had obvious metaphors in nature and in human nature. Thank Goodness there were other theories to entertain, less scary, but not all symptoms made sense with each of the theories.
For nine years, until very recently, I’ve mostly evaded the question: What is the nature of these experiences, and is the cattle metaphor in any way instructive? What other metaphors should we entertain? Stepford Wives? Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Or which, if any, of the many other theories espoused by ET enthusiasts and ET fear-mongerers? I’ve come back to these questions now and then, but never stayed on the subject long until recently, when I began tracking my fractured (but “high-functioning”) mind with my new Journal/Notebook.
I’d been playing with this idea that the Controllers are not evil, just inconsiderate – which has this going for it: The theory is compatible with the rest of nature. In fact, it’s suggesting that our experiences are caused by beings just like us (not strange at all!), treating us just like the way we farmers, ranchers, scientists, and consumers treat other beings or endorse with our dollars. We’re not evil, we’re just doing what nature – Nature with a capital “N”? or human nature? whatever – has evolved us to do.
It’s been a week or so I’ve been facing this idea more squarely: of mind control not as an “evil” thing, but simply what we do to other animals and plants being done to us. Then Rob Brezsny’s horoscope arrived in my inbox – though I’m not sure he wrote it the way I interpreted it.
Greg read Rob’s horoscope again to me, and I commented after each line.
“In the wild, very few oysters produce pearls — about one in every 10,000.”
I did not know wild pearls were so rare. I did know that commercial pearls are made by irritating the oyster with a piece of grit inserted artificially between its shell parts, which it otherwise keeps from happening quite well without this intrusion. Insulted, it secretes juices that coat the grit and harden into a pearl, which doesn’t bother the oyster as much, I presume.
I wasn’t sure Rob wanted me to identify so strongly with the oyster, as opposed to, say, a connoisseur of pearls, but I couldn’t help it. Oysters are yet another species on this planet treated to weird manipulations to make them do what someone else wants, in this case, secrete juices that have value to the human in the form of pearls. As a mind control subject, made amnesic and multiple for someone else’s purposes, I relate to the oyster.
Cattle are similar, but who wants to think of themselves as cattle? (Maybe it was that metaphor driving my neighbor acquaintance most hysterical.) What if we thought of ourselves instead as oysters with a pearl of beauty inside – sure it was someone else’s plan, but oh well, that seems to be our fate. Would it be better to rant about evil government or aliens or both? I think it best to try to understand from as wide a perspective as we can (using metaphors to try to understand reality in other dimensions), and if the reality is that we’re like cattle or tomatoes or oysters, then we might as well know that and make the best of it.
I like the idea of being an oyster, even if forced to deal with irritating grit to make a pearl – at least it feels better than being a cow, or – here’s another theory – an energy source for Archons – that’s reality as espoused by no less than the writers of the Gnostic (pre-Christian and Christian) gospels – but it’s just as disturbing to me as being cattle. So I’ll work for a while here with the oyster metaphor.
Back to Rob’s horoscope:
“Most commercial pearls come from farmed oysters whose pearls have been induced by human intervention.”
As I was saying. And today they don’t just put little pieces of grit inside oysters; they’re putting big disks of metal inside to create big disk-shaped pearls, and other irritating objects, just for something different in human jewelry and fetishes. I wonder how the mute oyster feels about that.
And what an appropriate extension of our metaphor! – Earth as a big oyster farm (we humans as the oysters), in which they’re inserting programs and technologies into us, not caring a whit whether we’re uncomfortable, unless we cost them.
(That’s why I’ve considered suicide so often: I want to cost Them! In my gloomiest days I have figured, with numbers, it’ll be the only feedback their organism/organization will heed to decide to run their operations with better care and concern for their producers. Of course, I have my reasons for not offing myself, but it seems to make sense, from a “scientific farming” and business feedback standpoint. The plant, oysters, or cattle must sicken or die and cost Them money before They change their practices. But I digress. And: apologies for being “dark.” Just being practical, “problem-solving,” as I was trained so well to do.)
“As you might expect, the natural jewel is regarded as far more precious.”
Another interesting analogy: A human being with some accidental grit (some traumatic accident) that made them, say, a multiple-personality mystic/shaman – they would be rare and more valuable – as they are. And because they’re rare, they’re able to be cared for properly and supported in their tribe, “precious,” like a wild pearl.
But there’s very little precious about it when everyone is given grit (the irritating mind control of this culture), and no one is left with the energy to value or care for another.
“Let’s use these facts as metaphors while we speculate about your fate in the next eight months.”
Eight months? Are you just having fun, Rob, or do you know something that entails 1/12th of the world’s or America’s population experiencing something life-changing the beginning of next June? Ah – we’ll call it poetic license – and I’ll let that question go.
So what about these metaphors, Rob? Enlighten us, please.
(I should have said earlier that I really love Rob Brezsny’s book Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How All of Creation Is Conspiring To Shower You with Blessings. I think it saved my life once. So I make this plea with only a little exaggeration.)
“I believe you will acquire or generate a beautiful new source of value for yourself.”
I like that. I’ve been working at finding some value in what has been done to me. (Sorry I can’t just think about “value for myself,” but I can hardly conceive of myself anymore as anyone other than someone who was mind-controlled and is struggling to be free. But, having said that, I promise to keep an open mind that I might actually discover “new value for myself.”) But I have to admit I’m geared to discover a new value for what has been done to me – this thing I think is depicted so well in the farmed oyster image.
I already do understand some value in my childhood programming: When I want, and when I’m not interfered with, I can focus on a task and accomplish a great deal, successfully synthesizing skills and understandings from various vantages, even testing as genius levels sometimes; I can sense things in other dimensions and sometimes work successfully in those realms; and … uhmmm, I think there’s more, and I hope to become clearer about them in the next eight months.
(They better be worth all the ways in which I’m sometimes a mess, with amnesia, alter switches, lost time, bad memory, social isolation, difficulty keeping or wanting to keep a job, and all the Taser burns, biopsies, surgery scars, and other physical wounds I wake with over the course of a year.)
“There’s a small chance you will stumble upon a treasure equivalent to the wild pearl. But I suggest you take the more secure route: working hard to create a treasure that’s like a cultivated pearl.”
I can work with that. I can see we’re all working with some sort of grit injected into us, and our task is to secrete some juice (I like that metaphor too) around it and turn it into something beautiful.
I’ve certainly been trying. I feel on pretty solid ground, now that I’ve been tracking my mind with my Notebook/Journal, and now that I know (or fairly-certainly suspect) I’m a farmed oyster, I can let go all the fantasies of living in a natural world and society I supposedly helped create and just settle down to live within realistic parameters.
(Of course, They tell us all the time how we evolved here on Earth naturally, and we created this culture ourselves, even though we can see we haven’t been living naturally in a natural ecosystem for a long, long time. And now we’re waking up to discover we’re in a factory farm!. But of course: “As above, so below.” Or is it, “As below, so above”? To secure the metaphor, and the irony, some of us eat factory-farmed shrimp, salmon, and other GMO foods, completing the circle. Damn, maybe some of us even become a food source for some factory-owner/Archon. Fractal harmony. And our progeny will survive if we make a pretty pearl.)
(Uh oh. Do we want our progeny to survive? If not, perhaps that’s why They keep the whole farm a secret and tell us we live in a natural world and culture of our own making, assuring us that mind control and “aliens” aren’t real, so we won’t know enough to consider such a question as whether this is a world for which we want our children to live. But I have digressed again. And into a dark area, for which I apologize, but isn’t this the task of life? To explore ideas that seem to make sense of things?)
In any case, I want to know our reality, even if it turns out we’re living in an oyster – or human – farm. (And I’m not the only one, of course. Others have espoused plenty of variations on this theory: hell planet, prison planet, Archon food source (the righteous Gnostics, after all!), etc., so this isn’t a unique idea that should be shocking to good people.)
Believing the oyster farm is as good a metaphor as any, I still think I’ll stay here on Earth and keep working on my pearl. I don’t know why. Maybe because I’ve been here 62 years, and I’m starting to like life now (with the help of good people like Rob Brezsny and, nearby, my friends). Of course, maybe I’ve been programmed to stay as long as I’m useful to them. I don’t know. Mostly I think I want to be around to give advice to my kids when they ask me about this crazy stuff some decade in the future.
Certainly, life is sometimes more harrowing than I think I can take, and sometimes it’s absolutely inspired – like when we sing, tend the garden, and make our place suit us aesthetically and functionally.
And sometimes I believe we really can create something brilliant, of value, like a pearl.
Sometimes I even understand how irritation, like death, is necessary in that creation. And having been through a lot of it in this lifetime, I think I’ve begun to see its value – even if I resent the hell out of it sometimes. Thanks, Rob.
“I’ve been like a balloon in a storm for twenty-one years, and finally I’ve set down!”
– How it works: Journal pages and Daily Check Sheets
– Additional pages: Alter descriptions, DAAA, to-do’s, scribbles, art pages, meditation help.
– Finishing a “Chapter”
I really love my Journal/Notebook – the one I wrote about here, and will write more about now….
This notebook/journal has been amazingly empowering! It helps me compensate for my fractured mind, and helps me track thoughts that I otherwise lose track of, so I can actually develop ideas and follow through on them. It is such a relief!
To review: I use a timer every 30 minutes (Yes, I know it seems crazy, but it works for me and sometimes I absolutely love it) every day to make me stop, remember what I’ve done for the last 30 minutes, write it down so I can remember later (otherwise, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t), breathe deeply, remember not to move too fast, say any necessary prayers, acknowledge things I have to be grateful for, and make sure I’m on track for what I want to do.
The Journal Pages I write on require me to write the date (many times a day), day of the week, phase of the moon, time, page number, and a code just before the writing lines to indicate journaling, activities, dreams, meditation/prayers, summaries (more about this later), and planning (J, A, D, M, S, or P) – so I can find things later more easily.
I drew these pages by hand (I like the look and feel, and it reminds me it’s my idea) and every so often I make thirty copies, hole-punch them, and put them in my notebook. Today, after almost 2 months, I’m on page 173. A moveable paperclip marks the current page and is easy to read through.
Daily Check List
As soon as I began using this Notebook/Journal, I realized I needed a Daily Check List to help me do a number of things that I have intended for years to do more consistently, but just haven’t been able to, as all my alters aren’t equally on board, I guess. My checklist I did design on the computer, maybe because it was the sort of task enjoyed by my business woman alter – and I suspected I’d be updating it, and it was long. On the top of each page, I fill in the date, day of the week, phase of the moon, and maybe a note at top to identify any specialness that day, such as a big community event or waking to a big rain.
The first line of the Daily Check List is for noting the hours I slept and how I feel. The second line is to note whether I remembered any dreams (which would be detailed in my journal pages) and first thoughts of the day. If I forget to remember my dreams, I have to acknowledge that, which helps me be more conscious the next morning. And if I’m wondering how I’ve done on that count for the past while, I can see it at a glance by flipping through these pages.
Third, I note the time I meditated, prayed, or sat listening that day, and add a page number for reading details.
Fourth, I note the time I first set the timer for the day. Sometimes I don’t set it at all, but usually I’m happiest when I set it for the whole day, and let it bring me back to record the route of my wandering consciousness, and remember that I’m taking control of my own mind – which makes me feel proud a couple dozen times a day!
Fifth, I note whether I took my supplements that day. Sixth, I note what vegetables and fruit I ate, and any junk.
Seventh, I note what exercise I got that day. Eighth, I note whether I was out in the sun, which is always good for me, especially for Vitamin D.
Finally, ninth and tenth, I write down my accomplishments of the day and next goals.
Some days, there are blanks, but I don’t kick myself for it. More and more, I’m feeling very pleased by myself.
Not only have I pinpointed problems, tested and brainstormed my own solutions, and documented progress on practical goals, but I’ve made progress on important philosophical questions that help me put a framework on my situation that helps me understand and break down some psychological hurdles that have kept me in some trenches for decades.
I can’t say I’m out of the trenches, but one evening, with the help of my journal and all the record-keeping that has flowed out of it (yes, there’s a bit more to share), I was able to state some important truths for the very first time and after Greg and I had discussed them, I cried, “I’ve been like a balloon in a storm for twenty-one years, and finally I’ve set down!”
While the current page of the Daily Check Sheets is the first page when opening the notebook (where it’s easiest to read and write on all day long), and the Journal Pages are next, after those sections are a few others: “Alters,” for recording information on various alters (which I’ve previously forgotten or ignored! – now each having their own pages or a few, hopefully to keep growing as I understand better and integrate or heal them more completely), a To-Do list (to be integrated into my calendar or written about at the computer as Spirit moves), art pages, Meditation Help/ideas, and a chart I designed and call “DAAA,” for recording Dreams/sleep, Anomalies, Activities/accomplishments, Alters/helpers, and other important notes for each day.
I created the DAAA template (which I copy every week or so) with columns (hand-drawn) across two pages. Horizontal rows are drawn in after recording each day, so I can conserve paper when little happened, and I can use all the space I need when a lot happens. I usually can get a week or ten days summarized on a two-page spread.
This lets me look more easily for any patterns between sleep/dreams, moon phases, energy levels, anomalies, my activities, alters who’ve emerged, etc. In the past, there has often seemed little correlation, except that anomalies have often been accompanied by exhaustion – but not always; sometimes it seems the controllers give me the equivalent of a “vitamin shot,” and after a weird night, I race around with energy to spare. This chart serves my curiosity about this, and will hopefully help me understand what all goes on.
I’ll probably redesign my pages in order to track things in a different manner now and then. And anyone who likes this idea should think about how their mind works (or doesn’t) and what sort of compensation they need, and design accordingly.
Finishing a Chapter
When I was on journal page number 109, my notebook was beginning to be difficult to open and close the rings, and coincidentally I realized I was feeling at a point of completion in one area of my life – time to close a chapter! I pulled all the pages out that had been written on (except for alter pages which probably will stay for a long time in my main notebook, until there’s some completion with them), and I put the “first chapter” of this healing phase in a notebook on the shelf. In the mostly empty original notebook, I still had the templates, Alter pages, Meditation Help, and unused Journal Pages and Daily Check Lists. I numbered the next Journal Page “110,” and kept right on going, with a sense of something important completed and very well documented – and a new chapter being written, by me, directed by me, my mind and life – documentably – under my control.
This was posted originally at my MKGarden Healing Church blog.
I’ll explain the practice in a moment. But first let me share my journal entry – written just now – about it:
I love this timer and this practice!! I LOVE knowing what I’ve done all day. I used to have to ask Greg, or struggle to remember, and feel guilty because I was never sure if I was being lazy or not taking care of myself.
This is GREAT!!
I feel like living, like it’s worth it, and like I’m NOT running to catch up because I’m not sure if I’m working hard enough or getting anything accomplished. I’m working with more energy, but not pushing myself. I feel self-possessed, and strong.
What a feeling to know.
I’ve needed this book for SO LONG!!
What did I do? I went back to doing what I used to do as a business person – what helped me handle things with quite a bit of skill: I kept a somewhat complicated datebook of my own design, made to manage exactly what I needed to manage in a manner that took into consideration my particular brain and its quirks.
To develop it, I thought a lot about how my mind works. (I didn’t know I was multiple then, but I knew I absolutely needed my unique calendar or was lost.)
Since 1993, though, I haven’t wanted to use a datebook of any design unless I had to. It represented rigidity and someone who might not be open to possibly-blessing serendipities. So, for the last 21 years, I’ve only used calendars as often as I’ve needed them.
I tried to keep them away from me, as if they’d end the intense spiritual phase of my life which had amplified amazingly when I’d moved to the desert, gotten rid of my calendar, and opened my mind to immediate experiences of sunrises, sunsets, birds, insects, wild animals, weather, light, dark, hunger, food, thirst, water, walking, resting, waking.
While that triggered the most powerful time of my life, very healing, it also triggered some understanding of things very frightening, but important – for understanding simple reality. It helped me begin a long hard struggle toward healing.
So I didn’t want to return to the calendar-mind. No way. I was proud to be oblivious of time.
But I also lost of sense of knowing where I was, what I’d experienced, and what needs to be done. I’d acted as though vision and inspiration were enough.
(What irony, as the work I’ve always done has been teaming up with visionaries to “put legs on the vision and make it walk.”)
But no one was my manager to put the legs on. I tried, but without help with self-discipline, I have too many selves to keep things moving in a productive direction. I’ve been staggering around directionless for a pathetically long time.
A few days ago, after I read about this Full Moon today, I became motivated to prepare myself to catch the wave of this powerful energy. I thought more about my mind and what help I need. I decided to design a notebook for a new sort of business: the business of healing myself.
I – a manager at heart – finally, after 21 years trying and failing to do too much in my head, have designed a system for myself.
First, I made daily check sheets that remind me of all the things that are important for me to do each day, that I want to do, that support this most important thing in my life – my healing – but that I often forget to do, maybe because I’m mind controlled to forget, but in any case, I forget way too often.
They’re simple things:
– Write dreams or first thoughts
– Note the time
– Take supplements
– Eat lots of vegetables
– Eat lots of fruit
– Drink herbal medicine tea
– Track use and reaction to herbal medicine to assure correct dose
– Be aware of physical and emotional energy
– Walk, exercise, or do yoga
– Time in garden
– Summarize highlights of the day before
(and the week on Sunday, the month on the New Moon, and the year on the Winter Solstice)
The check sheets also include places to remember things thought of that day:
– Things to do
– New goals and reiteration of goals
– Day’s accomplishments
At the top of each page is the date, day of the week, and phase of the moon, which I like to attend to (part of my research).
And one more, most important, item: Under “Write dreams or first thoughts”: “Set timer.”
Yes. It’s not crazy-making. It’s the opposite.
First I chose a lovely chime on my phone. Every morning now, I set it for 30 minutes, and reset it constantly throughout the day. (I even did it yesterday when visiting friends. I kept it in the next room, so I could do my record-keeping discretely when it went off, let others think I was checking on an important call, made my notes, and returned to the group.)
Here’s why it’s important: The most important thing I need to do, as a multiple, is track my thoughts, remember them, and notice if I have lost time.
Every time I hear the chime, I reset it immediately, notice that I’m aware (or not) of the last half-hour, and write a word (or more) about what has happened in the last 30 minutes. Takes less than a minute, but it makes me feel in charge.
It doesn’t feel burdensome because it was my decision. I was expecting it to be helpful, but it has also given me a major boost in my confidence – and I feel happy every time it chimes because it reminds me that I created this way to cope, and I’m proud.
I even caught a bit of “missing time” on my very first day, and said to the alter who must have been out during the chime, “Wanna talk? I’m strong enough to listen. I would love to help and will do anything you need.” I’m still waiting, but I haven’t had any missing time since then.
And at the end of the first day, I could see all I’d accomplished – exercise, supplements, energy work, good food, everything I wanted – and I felt great.
I’ve also been noting when I use my herbal medicine, so I can keep perfectly disciplined about how much I use, how often, and notice any corresponding reactions. Any course correction I want to make is informed by clear memory.
(Why did no therapist ever suggest this??)
So, that’s the routine. Every thirty minutes, the chime reminds me to breathe, relax, remember what I’ve been doing for 30 minutes, and record it. I re-set the time, write what I’ve done for the last 30 minutes (sometimes a single word), how I feel, and anything else I want.
How the notebook is organized with a journal:
The current daily check sheet is right on top – best place – when I open the notebook, with previous daily check sheets behind. Each day, a new one goes on top.
Behind those pages is a divider followed by my journal pages. Since I write many pages a day, I refill it frequently with thirty or more blanks at a time. To easily find the current page, I have a sticky-note attached to the back of the page before it, hanging out like a tab, so I can easily grab it and turn all the used pages at once.
Since I needed a way to record my thoughts, but also want to be able to look separately at dreams, accomplishments, and meditation/prayer, apart from my stream-of-consciousness journaling, I created a template that lets me record everything chronologically, but lets me see easily which category things fall into.
I hand-drew the template page (hand-drawing feels better, less rigid). The pages, copied from the template, are filled mostly with lines for writing, with a space at the top for the page number – to keep this record of my life in careful order, hopefully with fewer and fewer missing gaps.
On the left are columns for noting date, day of week, phase of moon, and category of writing (A = Accomplishments, D = Dreams, J = Journal, M = Meditation/Self-Inquiry/Prayer.)
On the right is a column for the time I begin and end any passage, and I also record the time at the beginning and end of each page. Right of that is a column for “notes” to point out things I don’t want missed.
If I am so into my writing when I begin or end a new page that I forget to note the time and don’t realize it until I am not sure of it, I write “oops” – to not reinforce the word forget – but to cheerfully encourage myself to do it next time.
So that’s the full Practice: Daily check sheet of everything I want to do. Daily summary of accomplishments and goals for the next day. I’m reminded to breathe and relax every 30 minutes. I feel in control of my life, in a very positive endeavor, which is showing results already. The minutes it takes is not a hassle, but a joy.
I’ll soon sew a cloth cover for this notebook, with pockets for pens, phone, and paper things that make me happy, right now a collection of birthday cards given me a couple of months ago. It’s good to be reminded every day that there are people who love us. No reason not to carry those things around!
It’s my compensation package – what I need to compensate for my fractured mind – designed perfectly for me. It makes me feel like I’ve given myself back to myself.
Extras: A section for “scribbles” – I use when my mind is going too fast (or too many alters want to talk at once), where I can quickly jot brief notes to write about when the current subject is complete. Art pages (and maybe a pocket for potential collage items for those art pages). And even a page for my current best “talk to myself” for when I don’t feel like meditating!
Whenever I might take on a big project with multiple steps, I’ll add a section for planning pages that can be consulted or added to, perhaps in public, without searching through personal stuff.
And as soon as I figure out some other quirk of my mind, for which I need compensatory help, I’ll design a solution.
When the notebook is filled, I’ll remove all the pages at once, drop them in a file, and begin again.
I will post on how this continues.
Hope it’s helpful to someone out there.
[This no longer reflects my views on shamanism and Yeshua. For an update, see this blog.]
What is shamanism? How do I relate to shamanism? Is shamanism dangerous? How does it relate to mind control? Am I a shaman? Am I dangerous? Where does Jesus fit in? Who are “aliens”?
Shamanism exists across all cultures under different names, but the Siberian word has come to stand in for our contemporary understanding of the global, cross-cultural practice.
In all cultures, a few people (some estimate 2% or fewer) seem to have greater ability than others to perceive energies and intelligences in other dimensions and are often encouraged by their tribe to spend time in this practice of perception for the good of the people.
(The exception is for those born into a society hostile to or afraid of other dimensions, in which case, the shamanically-inclined person’s perceptions will be discouraged subtly or violently, i.e., those born in the United States.)
The natural shaman who is allowed to explore his or her facility will devote the majority of his or her life to learning to perceive more clearly, learning to protect him or herself from dangerous energies or intelligences, learning to communicate with useful and benevolent intelligences, and learning how to apply what they learn to help their tribe. They will be an important source of knowledge to the tribe, for instance on growing and harvesting food and medicines, knowing of food game migrations, knowing the approach of strangers or bad weather, and healing for various illnesses, physical, emotional, spiritual, and social.
Many shamans are those who suffered at least one serious trauma at a young age; it caused them to leave their body and thereby experience the multi-dimensional world beyond the mundane. For this reason, at least one tribe that I’ve heard of, when in need of a shaman, creates one intentionally by inducing a trauma on a young child in a carefully proscribed way: they separate a child of speaking age away from the tribe but within hearing distance in a cage where he or she is kept for a few years, cared for in a minimal way, but never spoken to or spent time with other than necessary. The child can hear the tribe, but cannot interact and so eventually begins to spend more time separating psychically from the mundane and social life of the tribe and turn his or her awareness toward the larger cosmos. This larger world, of course, includes other dimensions with other intelligences that they begin to interact with and with which they develop strong relationships. Eventually the tribe retrieves the child and reintegrates him or her with honor back into the tribe, but the young shaman is never again like the rest. For the rest of his or her life, the shaman will perform the daily work of seeking and delivering information and skills the tribe needs for survival and well-being.
Shamans generally communicate most effectively with intelligences in other realms when in an “altered” state of consciousness, which they self-induce by way of drumming, rattling, dancing, and sometimes using plant medicines. From the standpoint of those trained in church settings, with hymn books, “Sunday clothes,” choir robes, and certain proscribed decorum, especially of First World America, these methods may seem superstitious and perhaps frightening. This is, of course, a matter of cultural indoctrination.
How do I relate to shamanism?
The United States of America, of course, is not a culture that appreciates shamanic wisdom, but rather is hostile to it. So when I, as a young child, had interactions with child-like angels, went into portals at night (which came to me, though I could never open them on my own), and spoke with plants and animals, I learned quickly to keep these things secret, and soon decided to put them out of my life. Of course, when I began school, there was no time to investigate further with a schedule of American “education” and entertainment – probably designed so – and I soon “forgot” about my experiences.
I also remember the time I was told by beings who seemed like my family on other dimensions that I wouldn’t see them for “a very long time.” I was devastated and pleaded for them not to go away. They assured me it was necessary and they’d be watching over me, but I wouldn’t be able to be with them again for a long time. The unspecific “long time” was additionally distressing, as I had nothing to look forward to. They insisted I trust them and do my best on my own, promising they’d watch over me. (I recognize, with this story, that I can’t entirely blame America for discouraging my shamanic awareness; it might have been required anyway, for some reason I do not understand.)
As an adult I continued to experience occasional “non-normal” events, much less frequently, but still very amazing. I kept quiet about them, and this inclination was reinforced when I witnessed the mockery dealt to those who told of experiences like mine.
In 1994, at age 42, when my own children were on their own, I moved to the desert of Cochise County, Arizona, where for half of each week, I spent my days without clocks or calendar, eating when hungry, sleeping when tired, watching sunrises, sunsets, weather, animals, and the landscape changing with the seasons. I read and wrote about whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and spent every sunset outside. The other half of the week, I attended graduate school for creative writing, and lived on student loans, which allowed me this indulgence.
After a year, I left the hermitage but returned in 2000, uncertain what I would be doing, but willing to live (simply, with no mortgage and few other expenses) on credit cards – for at least awhile. The freedom I gave myself seemed to open doors, and I was soon experiencing a wealth of non-normal events, which a friend put words to: a shamanic initiation.
Is shamanism dangerous?
That’s like asking if the world is dangerous. Yes, depending on what you do in the world or the other realms.
Some shamans don’t use discernment, get conned, and connect with evil or troublesome intelligences on other realms and are subsequently known as bad shamans, bad ministers, witches, brujos or brujas. (Good ones are known as shamans, good ministers, curanderos, curanderas, also brujos or brujas, witches, and many other names.)
How does this relate to mind control?
Bad shamans, I assert, can also be created by others – similar to the tribe’s method for good purposes, but this is done by controllers for potentially very dark purposes.
This, I believe, is a barely understood aspect of the darkest sort of mind control (MK), in which the subject is trained in psychic skills for other’s purposes, not for the good of the tribe.
Milder forms of mind control are of course also practiced broad-scale on the general populace, but I’m writing here about the darkest aspects of a most intense version of MK practiced on selected individuals, which involves the creation of amnesic super soldiers, couriers, spies, assassins, and sex slaves – and among them individuals with enhanced psychic abilities for remote viewing and more.
Our nation’s intelligence agencies have been highly interested in psychic powers for many decades, at least. And many adults who were made subjects of mind control experiments as children recall being tested for psychic skills. (I don’t have this particular memory, but I remember little other than MK intake and nightmares afterward. And I have noticed profound psychic events most of my life.)
If those intelligence agencies could train an army of psychic spies, of course they would. But they would need to make the psychic/shamanic spies totally loyal to them, and amnesic. The subjects’ shamanic skills might not even be known to the subjects and would be totally in service to the controllers.
I believe the process they put us through – mind control, or MKULTRA – included a perverse variation on the ancient, but apparently rare, tribal practice of creating shamans, only they isolated us and tortured us brutally, so that we’d be both amnesic and totally subservient.
It seems to have worked well enough, judging by the number of people who believe they’ve been used as psychic information gatherers for most of their lives, with memories of remote viewing (some of my experiences) and even some with memories of conducting spiritual warfare on behalf of others.
The army of MK subjects is aging now, and our control may be breaking down. With age, mental structures – including amnesic barriers – begin deteriorating. Memories that were supposed stay hidden begin to arise, and the controlled ones begin to put together pieces of what happened to them. Then, controllers have to weigh the risks and benefits of keeping them in service. They may still have value, may still perform their duties regularly enough, but they need reprogramming more and more often. I believe I’m in this latter category and that the frequency of physical wounds left on my body are evidence of this.
Some of us are also talking and educating others. That creates more work for someone in the system to discredit us or divert our communications efforts. If we become too much trouble, then they apparently kill the individual. But if they can manage the downsides without too much effort, they can continue using their assets (representing decades of investment).
While I’ve begun understanding all this, I’ve begun reclaiming my shamanic skills for my own uses.
Am I a shaman? Am I dangerous?
No, I’m not a shaman. I’m a common “shamanic practitioner” (meaning simply, at this point: I pray daily and spend time listening and recording).
I have occasionally been used to heal a number of people, receive messages from people who’d died unexpectedly, and other shamanic tasks. I didn’t try to do this and sometimes resisted, but spirit nudged me and I allowed the actions to flow through me.
I pray I’m not dangerous as a potentially controllable shamanic practitioner, but I don’t know for certain – which is why I quit working with activist groups and quit offering psychic, shamanic, and healing work (which I did for a very short while). It’s even why I quit my own private shamanic practice for a while: occasionally, I’ve thought it best to try to live only in the mundane world.
(Silly me. Once the extra-dimensional doors are open, it doesn’t seem possible to close them. Or else our other-dimensional helpers simply need us on this plane
and won’t leave us alone – as shaman Black Elk described in his biography.)
So I still wake up with evidence on my body that tells me that something was done to me in the night for which I have absolutely no memory: two Taser burns, four or five incidents of two or three obvious “scoop marks” or biopsies, many bruises including apparent injection bruises, lacerations inside my vagina, apparent implants in various locations, and mysteriously healed and obvious surgical and other scars – a total of well over one-hundred physical marks since I began recording them a decade ago (see photo history on this site). Plus many incidents of “missing time,” being conscious but immobilized, sensing vibrational/dimensional changes, being shot with energy beams, and even surrounded by strange fog forcing me to stop on the highway (one of three times).
I’ve tried not to assume the worst about this, that I’m being used by others for bad purposes. When I have assumed the worst, I’ve sought help, found none, and then wanted out of this life – but I feel very certain that that’s not best for my soul, so I stay and eventually come out of my depression. And I try to keep an open mind to other possibilities while also enjoying life and being a useful member of my community.
A positive explanation for all these marks is that they’re left by spirit family who, for whatever reason, can’t communicate with me because of my personal and our cultural mind control or other reasons, and actually all these things (or some of them) are for good, though I can’t understand now. But I have no support for this other than my own wish for a positive interpretation.
Where does Jesus fit in?
I do know that I’ve had extremely positive experiences a few times in my life when I contemplated his teachings and also when I’ve called on him – even in thoughtless, terrorized shock – for protection. At those times I felt, not only that Christ was a powerful inter-dimensional being who could be called on for help, but that I know him on other dimensions, have known him for many lifetimes, and we’re kin.
So why am I not a “Christian”? I used to be. I even used to be a Christian minister’s wife. But I’ve had horrendous experiences with Christians, particularly in assisting my husband in wresting my children away from me for no more reason than that I believed divorce was acceptable. So today I have a visceral revulsion to the sight of pews in a church “sanctuary.” (I got my children back after two years.)
I consider Christ’s teachings and the Christian Church to be entirely separate things. After all, the Church was begun by the same government that for over 300 years used murder and torture to repress his followers; so it’s obvious to me that the Roman Church was the beginning of a massive disinformation campaign to attract would-be followers of Christ and trap them in religious routines. Protestants tried to get away from it, but each break-away group has been infiltrated and controlled in a similar manner. Even my last church, purportedly an independent “home church” where the dozen members would meet and take turns in leadership, was diverted in its intentions by a controlling couple who not only tried to take my children away from me, but did the same over a few years with two other divorcing couples, along with putting down any discussion of social justice (a major teaching of Christ’s) as “divisive.”
When I finally realized that rejecting the Church and rejecting Christ were two different things, I had to figure out how Christ fit into my shamanically-evolving life. For instance, would he accept my efforts to connect with and learn from power animals as well as him?
Here’s my conclusion to date: We live in an ocean of spirit, highly populated with good and bad, benevolent and evil beings, many in-between, evolving, stupid, not-so-stupid-but-not-helpful-enough-to-bother-with, and everything in between. Perhaps it swirls like an infinitely intricate yin-yang design. On the benevolent side is Christ as the leading light, teaching, prophesying, offering to save us and help us everyday; on the other side is everything we call evil, including mind control.
Here’s where my theology breaks from the masses: Even though Christ is an infinitely intelligent being, and infinite in powers, he doesn’t personally, magically do everything asked of him by his followers. I see his existence as much more natural and organic than that. As the largest tree in the forest doesn’t “do everything” for itself, but is served by birds, insects, fungi, moss, mammals, rain, etc., so Christ is served by other connected intelligences who serve our needs as go-betweens on Christ’s behalf.
Some people call the go-between intelligences the Holy Spirit or angels, others call them devas, faeries, elementals, and even aliens. I try to ignore the language because the cultural cartoons associated with the words get in our way of deeper, subtler understanding; cartoons are probably part of our cultural mind control, used to mock and disempower otherwise very empowering truths.
So I imagine an infinite field of intelligent energy, among which Christ is supreme, at least at this arm of our galaxy, at least for me and those of us who choose to align with him. When we direct energy and requests his way, the same way a tree root directs a need toward fungi in the soil, the communication is heard and responded to via a series of interactions, not a simple two-part process; and our needs are met in the multi-dimensional world in a similar manner as needs are met in the natural world on the material plane, via many interactions with many parts, intelligences, or beings.
As a shamanic practitioner, communicating in the multiple dimensions, I petition Christ first and last. Often, he seems to respond by sending a particular person, angel, situation, or spirit animal (or physical animal) my way.
I used to feel very conflicted about this, as though I were hedging my bets, not being loyal to The One – though The One is All, many say. Then I attended a shamanic conference and witnessed three-quarters of a roomful of a hundred-and-fifty shamanic practitioners raise their hands to the question “Who considers Jesus Christ a major help among your spirit helpers?” That gave me permission to trust my vision of this world as a great network of evolving intelligence, inside which I could align myself with Christ, but still be connected to all that was also aligned with him, which is a huge net of Life on many dimensions.
And then I read about the Avodah Zarah, a Jewish text, in which Christ was called Yeshua ben Panther – a very shamanic-sounding name! (Similar to “Lion of Judah” and “Lion of God,” other Biblical names.) And I recalled Christ saying that we would “do all these things [healings, he was speaking of] and more” – exactly what shamans do!
While Christians may pray to Christ each day, their practice is usually based on following proscribed doctrine – words delivered by others – which tell them how to live in this material world. I, on the other hand, have very little doctrine, and that which I have I’ve developed from my own personal experience.
Recently I’ve renewed my dedication to devote a great deal of my time to prayer and communicating with Christ and other intelligences in the other realms, and my communications are most successful when I alter my consciousness and focus my attention into other dimensions using the shamanic practices of drumming and rattling, but that’s not always necessary. The right heartfelt attitude is enough, but the rituals are important focusing activities.
Who are “aliens”?
First, as I’ve said many times, “aliens” is too big a concept for the word to be useful – like using “marine life” to describe everything from algae to whales to human’s submarines.
I’ll use the word, though, to indicate all intelligence not bound to this mundane, three-dimensional planet, i.e., extra-terrestrial and/or extra-dimensional beings.
Many of them are reputedly “good,” supporting our evolution, while some seem to be at the very least challenging our evolution or, at worst, imprisoning us and controlling our minds, and maybe even harvesting genetic material. I don’t know, but others have risked everything dear to them to assert such “crazy” ideas, and I hate to say that I also seem to have evidence all these things as well.
My experience with “aliens” does not include any that seem like the typical small “grays” with large, slanted, all-black eyes. Rather, I’ve been unfortunate to have been terrorized by the types called Reptilians, even though until they became conscious to me, I’d thought the tales were unfortunate disinformation meant to discredit the whole field regarding aliens. I’ve also seen over a dozen UFO’s, sometimes with others as witnesses.
Many researchers have documented connections between mind control and aliens, Reptilians in particular. And while I’ve not read much of their reporting on the subject, I’ve developed my own theory, admittedly vague (vagueness is my inclination while trying to understand multi-dimensional reality with a three-dimensional mindset – seems only honest, given the limitations of language).
My vague theory is this: I believe that, among all the alien intelligences interacting with Earth, most are benevolent, akin to anthropologists, researchers, observers, diplomats, teachers, and prophets, and to other mindsets, angels. But there also exists other intelligence, more self-serving, among them the Reptilians, akin to pirates, corporate resource raiders, and to other mindsets, demons.
This is the “exo-political” viewpoint. (The word exopolitics was coined by Alfred L. Webre, JD, author of Exopolitics and former Jimmy Carter White House appointee, who called my book “an important historical document”). He writes, “We live in a highly populated cosmos.”
(Some even say no aliens are actually evil, as “All is God,” but they are only provoking us to greater spiritual awareness and development. I have a very hard time with this idea, having experienced childhood sexual abuse as part of my fracturing and mind control, but sometimes I truly feel this real possibility – that “It’s all okay.”)
Our already-complex, Earth-bound political views need to be expanded beyond this Earth, and thereby made even more complex (sorry to put on the pressure!), in order for us to understand our multi-dimensional reality and situation.
Until we do that, we are all mind-controlled, to greater or lesser extent, to limit our vision and laugh at anything larger, and thereby miss understanding who we are and where our dangers and our powers lie in the larger cosmos. In accepting this simplified version of life, we remain terribly vulnerable and unable to appropriately address any of our social, environmental, political, psychological, and spiritual issues. And indeed the world does seem incredible “stuck.”
So, even though this world wants to laugh at “aliens,” laugh at “Jesus Christ” (made such a mockery on television and in movies in particular), and perhaps roll our eyes at shamanic practice, I have to say: I was forced to overcome my own personal aversions to all of these and was then finally able to open my mind to the reality of Christ and all the other intelligence in the cosmos.
It was difficult because I then also saw the dark energies surrounding us, and me. Christians have tried to “save” me (again), but I’ve chosen to align with Christ in my own manner, on my own two humble feet, not under the authority of another minister. I’ve been working (more consistently since my last dark three days) to strengthen my connections to Goodness and to break the bonds of mind control.
Like everything in life, the struggle continues. There’s no easy fix. (Shamans must continue to protect themselves daily). And with each day, generally, I become stronger. Sometimes I’ve wanted to give it up, the struggle is sometimes so difficult, but those days pass, and I find I’m stronger yet each time.
Most days, I live quite happily, a formerly “closet”-shamanic practitioner, coming out. Sometimes I’d prefer to avoid the term shamanism, so loaded with cultural misunderstanding, but for others, the word says it perfectly. So here I am: A minister, writer, activist, and someone who relates to spirit in a manner we call shamanic.
Silver City, NM
August 9, 2014
This video, “How to Spot a Liar,” by Pamela Meyer has been seen over 8 Million times – with 37 different subtitles added.
It’s revolutionary because it’s so simple: Recognize truth, and challenge lies.
But first we have to realize that we’re all liars and have practiced lying since we were babies! And so we needn’t condemn liars, but simply talk, and help each other find the truth.
Why is this revolutionary? Because we’ve been taught to be silent in the face of lies all our lives. Things like the Inquisition taught us that. And now we live and breathe in a social environment of lies.
Pamela tells us that we need to stop collaborating with those lies and learn some new skills: how to carefully talk about them. (If she’s made a second video to help us with that, I don’t yet know, but I’ll let you know.) Meantime, she suggests we speak carefully but truthfully about what we see.
It’ll demand new skills for a lot of people.
But that simple thing could help us save our world.
I felt so much yesterday, I could barely see. It hurt to walk. I wanted to die.
Today, I feel better and understand quite a few things.
I had just extracted numbers from my journal of the last 6 months and was not surprised to see the huge number of days indicating I was truly exhausted, around half the time, talking about ending my life five times, with bruises
and marks left on my body, and even more details I’d forgotten about (many of which I wrote about in my last blog). It was a lot like the time I summarized 18 months and had a melt-down realizing what all had happened.
So I wasn’t surprised to feel terrible. It seemed a natural response to my life.
But the pain had a good result: I see some important things.
First, I realize I need to not let 6 months go by without helping myself be aware and dealing with stuff!
What was I thinking? I think I know: Trying to stay positive, focused on the Light (ignoring the Dark), in order to stay more easily “functional” in this crazy, numbing world.
Yeah, but that’s not very smart, as I’ve coached others before: Survival requires we be aware of our environment!
(We teach what we need to learn, right? So here I am.)
Second thing learned: To accomplish the goal of being aware, I plan to take one day each week to summarize my journal of the previous seven days (I can handle that), to recognize what are the energies swirling around in my life.
Have I ignored some lie (as Pamela Meyer challenges us not to do in the wonderful video I linked to in this blog)? And in ignoring a lie, has it caused me to lose my strength?
Where are creative juices flowing, or where might they flow? What do I need? I’ll make Sunday my day for reviewing my week, since the culture makes that day more available.
Of course, there’s a daily aspect too and I will always do that, but it’s also important to go retrospective now and then for week’s view, or longer view.
I hope and pray Power and Love are flowing in you also today ~
This transcript is from a presentation by Carol Rutz at The Sixth Annual Ritual Abuse, Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference, August 8 – 10, 2003 at the DoubleTree Hotel in Windsor Locks, CT. Some of the topics discussed may be heavy for survivors. Survivors may want to read this with a support person or therapist. The conference is educational and not intended as therapy or treatment. All accusations are alleged. Our providing the information below does not necessarily constitute our endorsement of it.
This page has been put on the web by S.M.A.R.T., P O Box 1295, Easthampton, MA 01027 E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Carol Rutz, a survivor of SRA and Government Mind Control experimentation is the author of A Nation Betrayed (http://www2.dmci.net/users/casey) which tells the true story of secret Cold War experiments performed on children. With extensive research and testimony from survivors, she documents experiments by the CIA to create a Manchurian Candidate. Her topic is “Healing from Ritual Abuse and Mind Control.”
I’m so happy to be here today and I would like to thank Neil and the other sponsors of this conference for this opportunity. Please do what you need to protect yourself, if you become overwhelmed during my talk. It you get up and leave, I won’t be offended. A certain amount of triggering information will be presented, not to hurt, but to help.
Two years ago my presentation focused on presenting the proof that cruel mind control experiments were performed on innocent children during the Cold War by the same government who had sworn to protect them. Based on my own personal experience, testimony of other survivors and documentation obtained from declassified material, I was able to validate many survivors’ memories.
When I originally set out to write A Nation Betrayed I had hoped to reach two audiences–the survivor community and professionals who help these survivors such as doctors, therapists, social workers and ministers. I soon found it was very difficult to write to more than one audience but over the last 2 years I found that my dreams have been fulfilled and surpassed.
Hundreds of survivors and professionals have written to me to express their gratitude for this body of work. I usually receive between one and five emails a week. With every letter I received, I continue to be filled with so many emotions.
1. Sadness when I hear another survivor’s story.
2. Empathy in understanding their continuing struggle to free themselves from the bonds their handlers placed around their minds.
3. Joy that I have helped them to feel “Not Alone–Not Crazy.”
1. Gratitude that God has allowed me to reach so many health professionals who in turn are better able to understand their patients and what they have been through.
This brings me to my topic today.The most frequently asked questions I receive from survivors”
1. How did you heal?
2. How did you break thru the programming?
3. Can I ever have a life again?
To answer these questions I am going to give some of the methods and procedures I used to: Show First Slide
1. Survive the memories
2. Revive found alters
3. Break through the programming
5. Live Normally
I have not talked publicly about my ritual abuse, nor did I devote much of my book to it even though it played an integral part in my becoming dissociative. How does one understand and talk about the horrors of growing up in an intergenerational cult who has joined hands with Illuminati families for their own deviant purposes?
Before my memories returned–before the amnesiac barrier was broken down, I developed a strong spiritual foundation, which contributed greatly to my ability to walk through the darkest memories known to mankind. In addition to being baptized Catholic as a child, I have to admit to two full immersion baptisms as an adult. I seemed to have been always seeking a spiritual belief system that would wash away a horrible blackness I felt inside. As I began remembering the Satanic Rituals I was forced to participate in as a child, I felt for a time that no God could exist and allow these things to happen.
Which brings me to Surviving the Memories.
Most survivors would agree that they had been deprived of normal human relationships during their childhood. It tends to make us isolate, withdraw, and seek only the company of those we know, not those who will help us see what “Normal” really is. It was not until after my father died that some parts of me were set free to begin the healing process. It seemed it was finally safe for me to break away from not only an abusive marriage, but to actually choose a healthy new relationship and begin to feel safe for the first time in my life. I know for certain, that I was so programmed with fear that until I saw my dads’ body in his casket, I couldn’t ever have hoped to have a normal life, let alone recover from the Dissociative Identity that was created by Satanic Ritual Abuse, incest and government experiments.
My memories of SRA began shortly after I found I had “People living inside me.” Anyone who is DID understands what I’m saying. In 1991 after finally feeling safe and cared for for the first time in my life, I began to have flashbacks. They started when I was sitting on my husbands lap and he was kissing my neck. His face suddenly turned into my fathers. I almost threw up every time this occurred and I didn’t understand nor believe what I was experiencing–after all–I was a virgin till I was 18 years old.
AGH!! The first horrible discovery every multiple finds–their whole life was a lie. At least what they thought their life was. How do you accept the lies–the betrayal–the total breakdown in your reality? I knew I was crazy–I had to be.
Intimacy between my husband and I was almost nonexistent from that time on for almost 2 years. I couldn’t stand to be touched once the memories of what was done to me as a child started surfacing. As if incest memories weren’t enough to cope with a new development occurred. I’ll never forget the first time an alter surfaced. I began by having what I thought was a horrible panic attack. A sudden fear came over me and I felt as if my chest was going to explode. As I rode this wave of fear I literally felt my chest explode and my life changed forever. I’m sure the movie Alien with Sigourney Weaver was probably written by someone who was DID because the scene where the ugly alien erupts from that poor persons stomach is exactly how I felt at that moment.
I became a two-year-old little girl. That was the first moment an alter ever felt safe enough to appear and begin to tell what her life was like. Later, I stood next to my son and felt dwarfed by him even though he was only a couple inches taller. When I spoke my voice was not my own, but that of a small child. My God what was happening to me?
From that point on the SRA memories began to surface. I didn’t understand them at all as I didn’t know such things existed. The people I saw in hooded white robes reminded me of the KKK but what they did was beyond anything I ever heard the KKK was responsible for. My grandfather was the “Big Kahuna” of our intergenerational cult. I have traced the word “Big Kahuna,” back to a Polynesian belief system. Oral history tells of a race of beings from another solar system who came to earth and brought with them psychic abilities and huna beliefs. Members of kahuna orders have kept this knowledge alive since that time. The Illuminati family that I was given over to operated with Luciferian beliefs. Balance the good deeds with the bad and it all evened out in the end. Their ceremonies, celebrations, and rituals performed had definite purpose. I’ll explain in a little more detail later on.
I sought professional help. There wasn’t really a choice. It was that or go crazy and drown in a bottomless pit of memories I couldn’t understand. My father had always told me if I ever told I would be locked away in a mental institution, and I believed him. It was horrid to walk into the doctors’ office even though I had been in counseling off and on for several years. None of them had ever gotten close to what was really wrong with me, but then they were never faced with alters who took over the visit and cried out for help.
You know, I think it is hilarious when a doctor asks you if you’ve ever lost time, when that is the purpose of dissociation. You don’t know you’ve lost time, till you begin to become coconscious and that doesn’t happen till you are safe enough to deal with why you became dissociative in the beginning. I was referred to a psychologist who had worked with MPD patients for quite some time. Even so, he didn’t know effective grounding techniques, so I was abreacting almost everything. God we all know how awful abreaction is, even though it is effective at allowing the alters to tell and getting a really accurate picture of what took place. It wasn’t till later that we found a better way.
From the beginning my therapist encouraged me to journal. Throughout the week I allowed my alters to write and draw the details of their abuse. I simply sat down and allowed control to whoever needed to talk. This was the beginning of one of the major things I feel is necessary to heal–Finding a Voice. The other thing it allowed me to do was later Validate my experiences. Many of the cult ceremonies took place at our local zoo.
When I began to draw and talk about them, my doctor turned a little ashen. It was one of three times in 11 years that he said, “I’ve heard that before from someone else about that place.” Wow, talk about validation. When I went to the archives of the public library to find material on the zoo for two particular years, it was missing. Everything was there but those two years. I was disappointed but not surprised. In April of 1993 after two years of SRA memories, I was able to go back to the zoo accompanied by my husband and walk through the places where these rituals had occurred. When I left, it was a victory. We had walked through the fear, “We came, we saw and we conquered.”
I have several more drawings surrounding cult activity, but they are highly triggering. If you are interested you’re welcome to look thru this book later. It has numerous pieces of art work and validation, along with pics of alleged perps.
Finding the Voice that was taken away from you as a child can come in other ways too. Each survivor must find a way to break through the barriers within and reach out to those parts that hold the truth of their lifelong experiences. Some choose to scrapbook, some choose to playact and art therapy is yet another tool that I know some survivors use. Clay, colors, crayons, paint etc, whatever tool can be used to break through the enforced silence that has continued for so many years is effective. In our house children had nothing of interest to say. We had enforced silence at the table during meals, and were only permitted to ask a sibling to pass the food. Beyond silence being enforced, emotions were not encouraged either. Putting on a happy face was the only permissible demeanor in our house. Listen and obey were two of the Ten Commandments. Children were to speak only when spoken to.
In those early days as the bits and pieces of my life were expressed on the pages of my journal I was afraid all of the time–24-7. I was flooded with memories, flashbacks, and nightmares. Fear was my number one major obstacle to overcome before any real work could be done. I found the fear of what I might find was always worse than what I actually did find. I was afraid of remembering and I was afraid not to remember. I was afraid the cult would somehow know I was talking and send someone to exterminate me. I was afraid the memories were really true. I was afraid I was a liar and for some reason making it all up. I eventually came to accept and know that no matter what; I had already lived through the worst. Remembering, understanding, feeling and incorporating those experiences was the pathway I walked to slowly integrate my alters.
Early on multiples are not willing to accept it happened to them–we know it happened to others living inside, but not to us. People would say–“Carol, don’t you understand that if it happened to those people inside you that it happened to you since there a part of you?”
No we don’t and can’t accept that reality until we have emotionally accepted everything that statement entails. I use to collect dolls to represent my alters. It was a way of keeping them separate and apart from me. I didn’t understand that at the time, but it served a purpose to allow the pain to be tolerable until we were ready to really accept it all in totality and what that meant to the life we thought we lived. I also painted and drew pictures of my alters, because they always presented with names and faces.
Show 2 slides
Fear consumed me until I finally let go and allowed the details of my life to flow from my mind to the paper and then in therapy through my mouth. I found that letting my alters finally have a voice and speak the truth was the only way through the fear. My doctor kept reminding me, that telling and making a record of it made me safer. He would remind me if I let people know that I kept this record in a safe place, it was like having insurance. Unlike the lies all my abusers had imbedded in my mind, I found it was safer to have names, dates, and events transcribed. Who would want to take the chance of hurting me when they didn’t know if all their dirty little secrets were tucked safely away in my safety deposit box? This proved to be a huge safety net to me and as time went on, I really knew and believed that they were all liars. Every threat they had told me, every lie they uttered proved to be just that. Of course along with remembering comes all the pain, which is a necessary part of healing. Really understanding, feeling, absorbing and sharing the whole picture of betrayal and horror leads to integration and freedom.
My alters found painting and drawing to be a perfect expression for getting scenes recorded– peoples faces, places, buildings, ceremonies. I never knew what was going to be painted or drawn, I just gave my alters free reign. Years later when I actually was able to match real people and places with these, the validation was overwhelmingly powerful and helped me to understand what truly happened to me. That is what we all search for isn’t it? Validation? How can I know this is real? How can I prove this really happened?
More examples with 8 slides
Slide one- I was to undergo sensory deprivation in a box after being given a shot of curare before these procedures you see depicted took place. I believe the mountain drawing is of Mount Royal in Montreal, behind the Montreal Neurological Institute on McGill campus. The reason I show this drawing and actual picture is to show how a mind retains information even through extreme trauma.
Next slide- this is stereotaxic surgery being performed by I allege Dr. Wilder Penfield in Montreal Canada. He inserted electrodes into sleeve guides and probed my brain while someone in the room recorded what was being said. He said my brain was like a tape recorder and he just needed to take me back in time. He did this by touching different spots in my brain. They kept recording the memories induced from images in my past and later Sid Gottlieb of the CIA used them for future programming sessions.
Recently I discovered that the Soviets during the 60’s and the 70’s found that by passing a low voltage current from the front of the brain to the back, they could drop their remote viewers into the Delta State. Using this artificial means they found Delta to be the doorway to telepathic influencing, telekinesis and remote killing.
That may account for the remark I recall Dr. Penfield make, “Given Enough time and enough bodies, I can find the Doorway to the Soul.”
It was important in the early stages of recovery, before there was validation to set up a contract with my therapist against self-harm. I had to “Survive the Memories” before I could revive and integrate the alters I was finding. Because of the profound sense of Betrayal I felt and the programs that had been installed to suicide if I began to tell, I agreed to have some part call our therapist or tell a trusted individual when these urges emerged. I only ever called my therp at home twice in 12 years of therapy, but I could call the office and schedule an emergency session ahead of time to deal with these urges.
I found in order to heal, I had to own the Betrayal and every time I attempted to do it, I just wanted to give up–it was just too painful. I lived in spite of myself. Sometimes the only thing that kept me alive was the fact that everyone else kept reminding me that “They would win.” I was just stubborn enough to never allow that to happen.
My alters found their voice and began trusting my therapist to guide us through the grief of a lost childhood. What started as a mind that looked like a bunch of puzzle pieces in the early stage of recovery, began to form a border with the first three child alters. At times the incest and ritual abuse memories felt like sharp shards of glass that couldn’t be contained. Over time we learned to take that glass and allow the fiery pain to forge a beautiful canvass of our own making–one that would contain the reality of a whole person.
Assimilating and owning those experiences in order to integrate was the hardest battle we had ever fought, but we found we weren’t alone anymore. As parts were believed and self nurtured a new world opened before us. My husband and sister nurtured and held child parts and allowed them to come out and talk. They listened!! They believed!! They loved us in a healthy way. We got special presents; children’s books were read to us. I know we were very, very blessed to have people in our life that knew how to love in a healthy way. Allowing playtime for young alters such as riding the tractor, playing with a dollhouse or cuddling with stuffed animals helped too. Eating ice cream, listening to wind chimes–all those firsts were a glorious adventure once we told.
So to recap, once you find a way to survive the memories you can set about reviving the alters and set up communication so that you become coconscious. Coconsciousness is essential for safety issues as well as assimilating the material you are remembering. If you can eliminate lost time, you eliminate the power that others still may have to manipulate you and your alters. Identifying triggers is also important for safety. Many handlers set up hand signals, knocks on walls in a certain rhythm, phone ringing in certain rhythm, and words for triggering an alter to the front. For instance and easy way to get me to be a vacant mindless person was to say, “Knock, Knock.” That was installed to bring and alter to the front by the name of “Nobody’s Home.” So often in my life when I experienced trauma that was not Gov’t related, my alter Nobody’s Home would come out. You can see how easy it was for them to access and use their targets. After an operation, when they wanted to send an alter under, they would say “Rest In Peace.” This was whoever was out’s signal to go under. They would call each of our alters out by using the word “Blue” teamed with another word, such as Blue Velvet, Blue Danube, Bluebird, Blue Bayou, etc. Such simple powerful words, but until you realize how they used these to control you, they reek havoc on your system.
As I said earlier, in the beginning I was doing nothing but abreacting. I would find myself in my mind in a room looking at a closed door. After opening the door for the first time I always knew I would find a traumatic scene from my past, generally where a new alter had been created.
When I left the therapists office I would have to put what I had been working on away, so that I could effectively live during the week without being bombarded by the new material. I created an internal safe place to put the memories that we worked on in each session so that I would not be flooded in between. It was a toy box and I would set a stuffed animal on top before I left the office. During the week we would journal or not, which ever felt safe, and then let the memories back out of the toy box again in therapy the following week. This was different from the safe place my alters eventually built to go to for healing.
Later after my therapist had attended a seminar we began using grounding techniques so that while I was remembering I could also remain in the present. This was much less painful and traumatic to the system and every bit as effective as pure abreaction. My grounding technique was really simple. I taught myself that when I would begin to abreact and lose total control, I would grab the arm of the chair and bring myself back to the awareness of where I was. That insured that I was still in the present, and this happened in the past and did not have the power to hurt me anymore.
Some survivors use EMDR successfully for memory retrieval. My doctor noticed I was doing EMDR naturally during our therapy appointments. Instead of following a finger from side to side or hearing music alternately in each ear, my eyes moved from right to left, back and forth very quickly whenever I would start to remember. I think this happened because when I was experimented on I had a set of headphones on where I would hear different messages at the same time thru each ear.
Top Left Picture is a Positron Emitter Detector, circa 1962. It is an early version of the PET scan now in use. The PET scan produces images of how living brain cells work collectively to retrieve memories and form words–in short the physics of thinking. Bottom left picture is a Positron Emitter Detector from Brookhaven, 1965.
My drawing shows how each alter was being programmed. Detectable energy flashes were being picked up and a recording was made assuring the doctors that they indeed were working with different parts of my personality, separate and apart from the me that they would eventually reawaken.
During the 1980’s, Stargate a remote viewing project was done at Ft. Meade, using binoral beat tones that changed the brain waves through earphones. A hemi-sync device that played two different frequencies into each ear was found to produce altered states of consciousness. Perhaps the technology they used was derived from these experiments done in the 60’s on people like me and others in this room.
Lower right is a portable ect unit which many of us became intimately acquainted with.
I also did a double appointment. 45 minutes was never enough for me to accomplish what was needed. I would just be getting rolling when it was time to reground and wrap up. I hated those early sessions where I would walk out of the office and a child part would get behind the wheel, or we couldn’t even find our way to the car or we would cry all the way home. 1-½ hours turned out to be perfect. Towards the end of therapy I was commuting almost four hours, so going every other week for a double session helped tremendously.
The same visualization that was used by perps for programming enabled us to undo that programming. We created a healing place inside where anyone who chose to could go and rest and get help from other alters in healing. I found parts that couldn’t speak because of programming or being preverbal and a helper alter would agree to be used for the memory retrieval work. That part would remain grounded so that the emotional impact was not so overwhelming. I believe this is really important and could cause system wide shut down if we attempt to handle too much at one time. Betrayal, shame, and fear were powerful tools used against us.
Slowly I began to reclaim the power that was taken from me as a child. I learned that the humiliation, guilt, and degradation they heaped on my shoulders was theirs–not mine. I was able to separate the lies from the truth.
My father had tried to systematically destroy my free will by controlling my mind from infancy through adulthood. He was totally narcissistic–self absorbed and tried to possess everything and everyone, never feeling guilt. He was only interested in his personal wants, desires and needs being met, never acknowledging the harm he was inflicting on others. Even as an adult he would use triggers on me so that I would switch into whatever alter he desired whether it be for a cult ritual or for his sexual pleasure. For instance, he would put his hand into his pocket and pull out a diaphragm and say, “Remember what this is for?” I would immediately switch. BTW, it was my mother’s diaphragm.
Owning the truth of all this was devastating in the beginning, and freeing in the end. We saw ourself as a beautiful vase with a flower before the trauma. As we relived each trauma that made us split it was as if a giant hammer came down splintering the vase into a thousand pieces. As we put the vase back together through integration, we found the flower in the vase–“Our Soul” was never truly damaged. They never got to the soul of our being.
Integration means owning. I remember the first time I ever owned the incest. I was standing in the grocery store and I ran into a lady I knew casually whose father had just passed away. I told her how sorry I was, and then she asked me if my dad was still living. I told her “No he’s been dead since 1979.” She said how sorry she was and in reply I said, “No I’m glad he’s dead, I’m sure he’s rotting in hell. He was a baby raper!! He molested me from the time I was a baby.” Well, if the poor woman would have had dentures, I’m sure they would have fallen out. She quickly made her exit, and I can’t tell you how good that felt. That was the first time other than to family and my therapist, that I had admitted publicly what had happened to me. I didn’t feel shame or guilt. I put it on the person who deserved it. Wow, I knew I was healing. Over time I even lost the hatred I felt for him. I never set out to stop hating. It just happened as I healed and put the entire picture together. I could see what type of life he had lived as a child, and I never stopped hating what he had done, but his hold on my mind was loosened when the hating stopped.
Another truly wonderful validation occurred when I shared with my aunt about the incest. She was mortified to say the least, but she shared what I told her with my cousins. One of them called me and we got together and found out each had been carrying their own secrets around in our hearts thinking we were alone. By my opening up, it allowed all this to come out in the open–out of the shadows of darkness and into the light. I found that one male cousin in particular incested at least five of my female and male cousins. God, it was awful to see what legacy my family of birth had passed on. A huge healing has taken place for a lot of them too in their personal relationships and the validation for all of us was priceless. One cousin wrote to me and said, “Carol, it is because of you sharing the burden that you carried for so long that our family is starting to heal. It puts in perspective so many things for our family. It has helped me to continue in my growth process. Because of what you told my mom we are now learning what a healthy family is.”
I personally did not start breaking through the government programming until I had brought a lot of stability into my life, where I was moving from focusing on the trauma all the time to focusing on the healing and living in the here and now. I learned to stay grounded and centered and leave the old coping techniques of dissociation behind.
When I began to find the alters who had been programmed and experimented on by Sid Gottlieb, Allen Dulles, Ewen Cameron, Wilder Penfield and others I began a brand new journey. My book details that journey. Personal validation of my memories of this journey again came from my drawings and paintings and of course a lot of declassified documents. All the programming that was done to me by the CIA and Illuminati was Trauma based using things like electroshock, sensory deprivation, and drugs. Later the trauma wasn’t necessary, only hypnosis accomplished with implanted triggers and occasional tune-ups that took place at Wright Patterson Air Force Base not far from my home.
One of the first programs I dealt with was “No Talk” programming. I had a flashback of this while sitting in the dentist chair. The light they pull down and use to look in your mouth triggered it. Sid Gottlieb was standing behind a light several feet from us and grinning. It is the type of light they use for Morse code. It looked like metal Venetian blinds and it was being opened and closed, allowing a blinding light to flash alternately off and on in our eyes. When the light was on someone said, “Talk,” then as the light switched off, they said “Don’t Talk.” This was repeated over and over. When they used this in practical situations, all they had to do was switch a flashlight on and off in front of my face.
A lot of my programming revolved around the Wizard of Oz. The hourglass was used in the event I would begin to remember and talk. They would tell us that if we talked the hourglasses sand would begin to run and when it was all run out we must do ourself in. We turned the hourglass on its side so it could no longer be used to threaten us. I was also told my head would explode. When I ran into this the first time, I was driving home from therapy. My head not only felt like it was going to explode; I saw a gigantic bomb with a lit fuse. I decided that I had used visualization for helping to heal other alters and since the programming they did was done with creative visualization, I should be able to undo it in the same way. I took my fingers and snuffed the wick out–it was that simple. Knowing their lies made it so much easier to dismantle the programming. These are just a few examples of creative visualization.
Another affective visualization that the system used to short circuit programming was when I found there were hidden parts. We took a giant eraser and internally started erasing all the lines to the boxes and triangles inside of us. We saw people coming out on stretchers, with bandages and others internally were carrying them on cots to the healing place.
When I was having trouble even getting close to memories we found booby traps and land mines surrounding them, so that every time we got close we couldn’t get past these. We visualized a giant pacman in our blood stream. He was sent on a search and destroy mission for any programs that were implanted and dangerous. When pacman was through destroying these he yelled, “Mission Accomplished.” Our progress after this was remarkable.
When I found the infinity sign or number eight on its side had been used to separate two lands in my body where alters were held, I set about to free them. One side of my body contained Neverland and the other side contained Shadow land. My baby alter, who was preverbal was stuck in Neverland where she never grew up. Sid Gottlieb used
to bottle feed and hold this part and bonded this part to him this way setting up an internal dichotomy where we thought we depended on him for nourishment–food, drink, love etc. Baby and the alter that was sent to Shadowland were told they would have eternal life if the alter in Shadowland carried out the missions he was given. This part had psychic abilities and was trained to use the “Red Fire” to cause strokes & aneurysms in “targets.” Anyways as you can see one land held the baby and another the alter with the “violence.” The programmers had codes to access the baby part, and you had to go through in that order, Baby first than the codes to access the alter who used the red fire. It was a brilliant system to be sure as the Baby was totally hooked using “Maslows Theory” to these programmers and if the body was caught their was no way they would ever get to the part that was used for missions. The infinity symbol was drawn on a black board and reinforced repeatedly through hypnosis until all the systems were locked down tight. I hope this makes sense. It took a longtime and a good deal of work, to find this and break free, since even after the alters found out the truth they did not want to leave their lands right away where they felt safe and come to the safe place in my system. After some internal communication the baby was rescued from Neverland. Alters simply created a bridge and crossed from there to Shadowland. Our baby part was nurtured by our alter who was trained for killing, so it was very beneficial to both those alters. The door to Neverland was burned and holes were shot in the ceiling of Shadowland to let light through. It was patterned after a tunnel I was in at 16 where I did a psychic demo. Anyways, eventually everyone felt safe enough so that an elevator was built to the healing place and Shadowland was destroyed too.
This drawing completely mystified me until I read a news article about an implant that amplifies brain signals, which are then transmitted to a laptop computer through an antenna-like electronic coil on the head. Researchers at Emory University implanted a tiny implant, the size of the tip of a ballpoint pen into a patients brain which allowed the patient to express his thoughts with words, through the uses of a voice synthesizer.
Many of the experiments performed on me were done to heighten and use ESP, Remote Viewing, and the energy of the mind.
If you think this psychic killing sounds far fetched you may be interested to know that back in the Sixties, the Soviet Union began to pour money and resources into the study of ESP and psycho kinesis, phenomena collectively termed “psi” by researchers in the field. Much of this psi research came under the control of the Soviet military and KGB. They also screened Red Army recruits for psychic abilities, and pumped talented subjects full of dangerous drugs to promote psi-conducive altered states. Subjects in psycho kinesis or “remote-influencing” experiments tried to stop the hearts of small
animals, or concentrated on foreign political leaders, beaming at them “negative psi
Soviet and Czech scientists were said to be working on electromagnetic devices that would cause strokes or heart attacks, and it was even rumored that they had perfected a “psychotronic generator”, which could scramble people’s minds at great distances.
An unclassified 1972 Defense Intelligence Agency report expressed concerns that “Soviet efforts in the field of psi research, sooner or later, might enable them to do some of the following,”
1. Know the contents of top secret US documents, the movements of our troops and ships and the location and nature of our military installations
2. Mould the thoughts of key US military and civilian leaders at a distance
3. Cause the instant death of any US official at a distance
4. Disable, at a distance, US military equipment of all types, including spacecraft.”
All I can say is that we may not have all the declassified documents on what the U.S was working on, but we can be sure they were doing tit for tat what their Russian counterparts were, only a lot of it was being done on small children.
Creating a timeline was extremely helpful in my healing after I had been at therapy for a number of years. I took a storyboard that was folded in three parts. I used one color sticky notes for SRA alters, a different color for government alters and the last was myself at different ages for instance grade school and what age I was in each grade. By combining the years of rituals and experiments with where I was in school and what was going on in my life, I finally got a true picture of what happened and when. Was it hard–most assuredly. Was it one of the biggest steps in my ability to own and integrate many parts–absolutely!
I don’t believe there is only one way to deprogram. There is no right or wrong way. What is effective for one may be totally unworkable for someone else. I believe the key to deprogramming is Internal dialogue. Integration is desirable by some people and not others. That is a choice each individual makes. My integration of parts has always come naturally. No big ceremonies, just when the work was done, and the system knew we weren’t losing anything it came naturally. Am I totally integrated? No. Will I be? I don’t know. I’m high functioning without losing time. Today I can make choices for myself based on knowledge. I have boundaries and balance. I try to not let my past overwhelm me. Some days I choose advocacy and work at exposing the evil. Others I choose to just live and love and try to bring some sunshine to my corner of the universe. They took our choices away. I like having mine back.
I encourage each of you to find your voice. I believe it is your road to freedom. In closing I want to share with you something from my journal.
If you feel comfortable, I encourage you to close your eyes while you listen.
Today we allow ourselves to be led to the edge of the brook. We step into the water to wash away some of the pain of the past. We relish in the way the water nips at our chin and caresses our mind. Melodies of times past forge across our brain, and the music becomes softer and smoother as we listen. The torrent of horror is moving gently to the place in our mind where it can be woven back into notes that will make up a grand symphony. The individual orchestra players will soon no longer be heard performing their duets. Instead they will blend together–and the sounds that arise will be gentler, warmer, stronger, and more fluid. The conductor of the new piece will at times remember the individual notes played by each instrument, but only by combining them all together will this grand symphony of strength and courage fill the corridors of our mind and give us peace.
This was taken from the site, RitualAbuse.us. “Ritual Abuse” is an earlier name for Mind Control. The original link:
“Declassified government documents leave no doubt that mind controlled spies who don’t even know they are spies have played a key hidden role in the development of our world in recent decades. Mind control has also been used to help people heal haunting past traumas and achieve mental states far more expanded than our normal waking consciousness.
“If we want to be effective agents of transformation, it is vitally important that we are informed of both the beneficial and the harmful aspects of this powerful technology.”
For more, read here:
The website above provides an excellent source of credible documentation on a number of subjects not covered significantly (though occasionally) by the mainstream media.
“Brilliant… Riveting… The amount of material the filmmaker covers and unifies is astounding… Human Resources diagnoses the 20th century.”
– Stephen Soldz, Professor, Boston Graduate School of Psychoanalysis; President, Psychologists for Social Responsibility
At the beginning, I thought it was a little slow, and my partner was thinking he wasn’t in the mood for it, but we were both soon swept up in the film and at the end highly impressed (even though I “already know” all this stuff), and we plan to watch it again soon.
Can’t recommend it highly enough.
THANK YOU for watching it. We all increase our spiritual and physical survival when we know the nature of our world.
(Oh, yes, and this site – http://metanoia-films.org/films/ – has six other films that all look excellent, one we’ve seen and will also watch again.)
Peace and healing to all.