Oh, God, I’ve been hit again. In the last 6 months, I’ve felt terrible about two weeks of every month, and I felt really bad yesterday: my vision clouded, my joints in pain, my mood so depressed, all I could think was that I didn’t want to live anymore.
Decided to review and collate my journal entries since January 12, 6 months and one week ago:
Days recording severe exhaustion: 52 = over 1/4 of the time, but I know it’s been about half the time. (Out of approximately 217 days, I only journaled 103).
Miscellaneous, usually attending exhaustion: extreme irregularity in sleep patterns, long naps even after very long nights, feeling need to “vomit from my soul,” need for “huge cry but can’t,” jaw pain, heart tension, heart arrhythmias, nausea, ringing in ears (which began November 2010 after vibration hit my head and made me unconscious) suddenly extremely loud, thinking I have some terrible disease, burning eyes, vision problems, difficulty sleeping and waking, unusual extended time spent suspended between sleeping and waking, confusion, fearful inability to remember previous days, a new herpes strain (intense with swollen lymph nodes – but no new sexual partner at least while conscious), weird dreams with MK themes (UFOs, large marble buildings, doctors, people in waiting rooms), vision at night that caused me to sit up and stare, feeling myself “switch” alters (thinking “Oh, that’s significant!” then feeling as though I’d been jabbed by a long pin and suddenly was unable to remember what I’d thought significant), and very odd coincidences of people and events in my life.
I took photos of weirdness on my body: February 4: hypodermic bruise on thigh;
June 8: Huge bruise that appeared on my thigh with no explanation; June 20: hypodermic bruise on thigh; June 14: photo of area above left scapula, behind shoulder that has felt like it’s been burning since mid-April and still does faintly (above a supposed implant site that appeared last year and has itched since then); June 27: scoop mark on right finger again (same place as a couple years ago); and another bruise recently. , which seems to have disappeared from my files.
Five times I wrote “suicidal,” “despairing of life,” or about wishing I could be gone from this life – but I’ve thought it more often than that.
Twice I woke groggily from extremely deep sleep, feeling “like someone did something to me in the night,” and discovering to my shock that I’d peed in the bed.
In the good weeks between, I’ve been as productive as I can be, singing with my partner and our new band, hosting and co-hosting radio shows, gardening, resurfacing our patio, building a fountain (1-min video here), teaching design, blogging, and always cooking fresh wholesome (organic) food, exercising, and keeping the house clean.
I’m sure some would diagnose me as bi-polar or manic-depressive, but I know it’s not that simple – and that would ignore my life history of missing time, amnesia, government connections, and the wealth of similarities in my life to other mind control subjects – all of which is recounted on this series of brief videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPo7-F8Erey5SwKjn7ssWFy-6TCQYs33I.
And I certainly don’t want drugs to try to moderate “my moods” (not moods, but natural and appropriate responses). I am living a life that should support my own natural/spiritual healing: I live in a peaceful small town, surrounded by a lovely garden, in a peaceful relationship, in a small, artful home, with my financial needs small, and with healthy daily practices, such as eating the best food, getting exercise, singing, and spending time with friends.
I believe the evidence is clear that I’m suffering, as are many others, from (experimental or operational) intrusions into my life that have side effects. And it pisses me off.