– another injection bruise
– UFO movie with my folks – on the New Moon
– 20th Anniversary of the family’s Big Rift – and hope for break-through

I almost ignored the injection bruise that appeared on Tuesday, the same day Greg woke wondering why his lower back was out.  Denial was attractive, as other than this, life was feeling mellow and productive.  Neither of us has any explanation for our injuries, except that this sort of thing occurs to me all the time (this sort of small, point-like bruise appearing a few times a month or more).  And various injuries occur regularly to subjects of alien abduction and mind control (which Greg is not comfortable assuming relates to him at all, though I consider it a decent theory for him as well as me).

Acknowledging aliens – or CIA – I do, but hate to do for a number of reasons.  But since denial is not useful, healing, or survival behavior, I accepted a kick in the butt Saturday night when I watched a documentary about aliens with my parents – with whom I’ve had an uncomfortable partial-estrangement for just a little over 20 years.

[Skip the next three paragraphs to skip family drama.]

(The estrangement, if you’re interested, was caused when I was 42 and having a spiritual crisis [or nervous breakdown] coming to terms with flashbacks of having been sexually abused as a child, but not yet realizing it had anything to do with mind control, and much less aliens and/or CIA.  Sexual abuse alone was more than I could handle.

(I asked my sister if she had any memories of sexual abuse from our childhood, and she, having just seen a 20/20 program on the “false memory syndrome” [psychological disinformation], became immediately indignant and, despite knowing little, scolded me that I was mistaken.  Then, without asking more, she told my brother I’d accused our father of sexual abuse.  My brother assumed I’d accused my parents directly and called them to offer consolation and support.

(They became enraged, and we didn’t speak very much for the next seven years, and the thirteen years since have been little better, very tense.  My father has wanted me to exonerate him to the family, but I’ve told him I can’t because I really don’t know, and I never made any accusation.)

I began visiting my parents again (at the family’s urging) around 2000, once every year or two, increasing the visits to a few hours twice a year, and last weekend to one full day including an overnight.  In all these years, we’ve mostly skirted around the old accusation, and when I became aware (in 2002 and 2004) of mind control and aliens as both somehow involved in sexual trauma, both issues seemed nearly impossible to broach in our barely-functioning relationship.

So last Saturday, my youngest sister set up our folks’ computer to stream movies, then left us to find something to watch – as it was still early and everyone seemed “talked out.”  I scanned the documentary section, and when Mom seemed to perk up at The Hidden Hand:  Alien Contact and the Government Coverup, I clicked “Play.”.

A moment of panic washed over me when the Time Traveler Productions logo appeared – because I realized this was the film I’d been video-interviewed for in 2008 by the director, James Carman, who’d traveled to this small town just to interview me.  A few months later, when his communications got squirrelly and I happened to see a piece of art online being used in pre-promotion, I feared he might be mocking the whole subject, and I certainly didn’t want to be mocked for all the world to see.  I requested he exclude my interview, and he said he would.  (This documentary is not mockery.)

But in that moment, I wasn’t absolutely sure my face of 6 years ago, in a state of nervous anxiety, wouldn’t suddenly appear, talking about CIA mind control and aliens!  It would blindside my parents and put me in a very awkward situation of needing to explain something terrifically complicated on the spot when we all need to sleep.  It occurred to me to think of an excuse to turn it off….

But reason prevailed:  Carman said he wouldn’t use my interview, and besides, the opening scene looked familiar, and I thought I’d seen it before and was pretty sure I wasn’t in it.  I calmed down and we all began watching it together.

The film is very well done (and available to stream online).  Over and over, I was moved to see friends and acquaintances I’ve made over the last decade give their testimony as experiencers and researchers, putting their faces and names on the line:  Niara Isley, Melissa Reed, Jeremy Vaeni, James Gilliland, Jim Sparks, Whitley Strieber and researchers Paola Harris, Yvonne Smith, and Richard Dolan.  I was proud to have almost been counted alongside them.

Surgeon Dr. Lier was included – who’d once invited me to California to have my implants removed at no cost.  (Not sure why I didn’t, but he’s passed on now.)  I hoped he would impress my veterinarian father – who trusts all doctors far more than me.

Part-way through the video, after the section on sexual procedures, my father announced, “I’ve had all I can take of this” and left to watch the UCLA-USC football game.

When the video was over, I realized something astounding:  I could finally offer my parents the closest thing I could to an exoneration!

“Mom, that,” I said, gesturing toward the TV, “I believe, explains my memories of sexual abuse.”

Mom ignored my bombshell statement, but told me about a couple of UFOs she’d seen.  I’d never heard this before and responded with interest because multi-generational involvement is a major theme of the alien experience.

And multi-generational involvement is just one section of many addressed in The Hidden Hand (others being: UFO evidence, alien abductions, sexual/reproductive involvement, alien implants, alien-human hybrids, human-military abductions, exopolitics, positive experiences and galactic consciousness).

Since mom’s sighting of a couple of UFO’s strengthens slightly the possibility she’d accept this interpretation of my experiences, I repeated what I’d said:  “I hope you’ve heard me here, as I think it’s important for you and Dad to know:  That, I believe, explains my memories of sexual abuse.”  She changed the subject again, but it was off my chest.

And I realized it’s easier to consider that my parents’ involvement has probably been more complex than them simply deciding to allow the CIA to use me as a child subject, as was my assumption back in 2002, but maybe my subjection came about because they’ve been mind-controlled themselves, and maybe they never gave permission.

I’ve known for decades that both my parents were separated from their parents at about the same age as the years for which I have total amnesia (1st and 2nd grade)  – and at about the same ages as my own children were taken from me by my husband and a woman who controlled him – and the age at which other MKULTRA subjects report their memories or amnesia.  It all fits just too perfectly the multi-generational theory.

Afterward, I realized it was the evening of the New Moon.  And it’s been about 20 years (maybe plus a month or two) since I first asked my sister about sexual abuse and our family entered this terrible 20-year period of disconnect.

It’s possible this video viewing might have opened a door that will allow us to break through this family impasse.  The emotional cost to all of us has been terrific; I have been off-and-on suicidal for decades; and I’ve been blamed by all the family for causing our bad relations.  It would be nice to get resolution.

At least two of my siblings, I believe, are following my blog (I’ve asked them to, but they haven’t ever chosen to talk to me about it), and I pray they will watch “The Hidden Hand” and talk at least to each other about this.

Alien-government cooperation in mind control of humans is not just a decent theory that might fit, but is a theory that fits very well, with excellent physical documentation collected for years and memories that match the memories of others all over the planet.

Twenty years is long enough for us all to suffer.  I hope we can discuss this.