Tag Archives: Morgellon’s Disease

Pleiadian Starseed?

I’ve never used that phrase before, but I’m feeling more confident that it fits. (I welcome your responses.)

I just watched a few videos on Gaia TV, interviews with Sebastian Martin that inspired me to write my memories of my connections to the Pleiades, in context with other important aspects of my spiritual life on planet Earth. While my life experience has been quite different from what he describes, it seems they both fit into a coherent overall design.

In November 1999, I had a sudden and shocking remembrance of leaving my home in the Pleiades. I felt like a young adult, only very well educated, going on a mission with fellow Pleiadeans, watching the star cluster recede from a rear window, wondering what it would be like to be gone for a very long time. I experienced no Earthly emotions.

We joined a convention of other races in space concerned about things happening on Earth, also concerned because one faction thought the Earth should be destroyed to protect the larger cosmos, while we were in a group agreeing we couldn’t decide whether or how to intervene at all until we had more information.

A group of us volunteered to incarnate here to gather that info. And, while we’re here, if we thought Earth was worth saving, we’d try to introduce positive ideas into the social consciousness.

I did not know what I was getting into when I agreed to be born into the heart of mind control. The first time I was tortured, about one day old, I left my body, looked down briefly at the room, then shot up over the clouds to call out to my colleagues, whom I assumed had witnessed my experience because it was so intense and we were still very psychically connected. I assumed they would agree with me that we should all leave, because we had agreed to stay together or leave together, and this was far worse than any of us had expected Earth life would be.

But my colleagues said the families they were born into were worth staying for, and they assured me they believed that was true for most of the planet’s inhabitants.

I was momentarily stunned at their majority opinion, but our colleagues who did not incarnate were also psychically connected and agreed to provide me extra support, which I accepted, though with grave trepidation.

For some years, I left my body a lot to visit with colleagues on other dimensions, until one day they told me I needed to slow down the frequency. They somehow closed the portal I had been using, and I got used to simply waiting for them to open it again. I sometimes tried to will it to open, but never could.

I was always extremely happy when the portal appeared above me in bed, then I would suddenly plop back into bed, with no memories of what had occurred, but with deep gratitude, confidence and assurance that everything was going to be okay, and I knew I was cared for.

One day, when I was still fairly young, I landed back in bed with a new feeling of huge disappointment. They had told me I had to be patient for an even longer time now, but they would be watching and helping me always, but I wouldn’t be able to talk to them for a very long time. And it would even be best if I would forget about them in my Earthly personality. And eventually I did.

Through the rest of my childhood and into my 30s, I had no particular beliefs about the other realms. In my 30s, I met environmentalist pagans and was invited to their ceremonies in the forest, but I tip-toed away, not sure what I believed.

Years later, I found myself saying that if something we call Spirit existed, It would let me know. And soon I had a healing involving trees talking to me, encouraging me to hug one of them, and then an incredible frequency of energy pouring down through me that I described as feeling as though I’d had a radio inside me tuned to static all my life, and suddenly, with the cascade of energy, the static had been turned off. I would never be the same again.

When my son got cancer (later healed), and I realized I had to divorce my abusive second husband (whom I did not know then was my mind control handler), I had a nervous breakdown (highly recommended), and had my first realizations that I had been sexually abused as a child.

The next year I realized I was a “multiple personality,” and moved out to the desert to build a small strawbale home off grid. There, I began to have years of experiences others called shamanic perception.

All those previous years of wondering if something called Spirit existed, I had refused to read “spiritual” books. I did not want anyone else’s ideas to frame my experiences and possibly distort them. And I was flatly disinterested in the subject of aliens.

One weekend, I joined environmentalist friends camping in the desert, where one man insisted I look at the Pleiades through his binoculars. I was talking to someone else and didn’t want to look at little sparkly things in the sky. He insisted further, and with much irritation, I looked.

To my absolute astonishment I was shocked to feel powerful sensations of home and longing that made me want to cry. I couldn’t hold back and blurted out that I thought I was from there, then immediately slapped my hand over my mouth in embarrassment. I had been programmed by our culture to make fun of people who believed in things like this. I continued confused and silent about the experience for years.

As Y2K approached, I became concerned that I wanted to be a more careful documentarian about my strange experiences, so I decided to change my journaling style into something closer to a science journal.

Instead of bemoaning my distressing situation of being a victim of sexual abuse, divorced from abusive men, alone and confused, with weird things continuously happening that seemed too much for one person’s life, I decided to simply document precisely what I had experienced, separate from what I assumed it meant, and separate from my emotions. Sometimes I would write about unusual experiences with animals. And I would write about this new category of spiritual events, where the 3-D world would suddenly be shot through with the revelation of other dimensions and beings – and aliens and spaceships.

Today I have three large boxes of journals, which I’ve summarized into a database with over 1,100 lines describing events that do not fit in “normal life” as described by most people.

One day, I finally went to the library and brought home the maximum number of books allowed, all about aliens and the supernatural, and finally began to read what others have experienced.

Powerful experiences came upon me unbidden in the coming years, with spirit animals, natural animals, angels, Jesus, Isis, orbs, UFOs, angels, demons, “aliens,” and people I assume were government agents. It seemed too much to share with anyone.

It would be years before I recognized I probably had this ability to perceive and interact with other dimensions because I had become familiar with other realms by regularly leaving my body during childhood abuse.

One morning I woke with a surgical incision on my neck that seemed to have been done with technology beyond anything I thought humans had, and it reminded me of a scene in Star Wars when Luke Skywalker was beautifully healed in a machine. I took a photograph of the scar, unfortunately lost. Five years later a nurse practitioner noticed my faint scar, and asked when I’d had my thyroid surgery.

Eight years after realizing I was a multiple personality (high functioning, nothing dramatic), I would realize I was also a mind control subject.

It shook my world, and I wrestled every day with my life purpose, wondering whether it would be better to not be alive, so as not to be an asset to those government people abusing other people like me.

By happenstance, I reconnected with an environmentalist-pagan acquaintance, who came to live with me, and help me believe I had a purpose in staying alive.

When we were deciding whether or not he would come live with me, multiple signs delighted us, including us waking throughout the night in our camp and me repeatedly seeing the Pleiades over his head as we moved and the stars moved.

Over the years, I came to realize this man, as much as he had helped me and I had helped him, was continuously distracting me from my spiritual and meditative life, so I wondered whether he was yet another handler, and I asked him to leave, and he did.

He had also impacted my spending, I was in debt, and it suddenly seemed someone was actively sabotaging my efforts to find local work. Besides that, I was feeling like a sitting duck for alien and government harassment, so I sold my home and fled (as if I could escape them).

The alien beings I had experienced in that home had included small grays coming through my window;a tall one who immobilized me in my bed; ones I don’t remember seeing but who took me up in a beam and moved me through portals; others I also didn’t see but who took me and my partner up into a huge triangle ship, returning us amnesic for what had happened: and one Draco who immobilized me then made me unconscious with some tool put to the back of my head.

I had also been stopped on the highway, lost two hours of time, and had something implanted in my vagina. Once, with two guests visiting my partner and I, we witnessed a UFO shot down fairly nearby and later listened to the reconnaissance mission as it passed by on the highway and back. (My home was not too distant from Fort Huachuca, a major Air Force intelligence base. Later I would have two friends from different social circles each tell me their shocking experiences with Dracos at that base – both of them unbelievers until their experiences, like me.)

I had no context for understanding these experiences, and was afraid to tell anyone. As a child, after I had complained about my nighttime treatment, I had been continuously called a liar by my mother, so I was always careful to tell the precise truth and now was afraid to tell a truth that no one would believe.

However, when I read Whitley Strieber’s book Secret School, about being in some sort of training on another dimension and I kept finding myself going into altered states while reading, I decided to write him. After a year he wrote me back with an odd and emotional account about having intended to contact me immediately, but some sort of mind control seemed to be stopping him. Soon after, I was interviewed by him and Jim Marrs (but I asked them both not to air our interviews as I felt too embarrassed by my disclosures).

I had met and worked with a European shaman and esteemed consciousness researcher, Ralph Metzner, who encouraged me to write a book about my experiences, and offered to write the Foreword, so I did, and he did. (My book was well praised, but has been “shadow banned” on Amazon, and all the reviews of my book have disappeared. A video about my book went viral briefly, then the numbers began running backward, and it too seems to now be also shadow banned.

A local Native shaman I had never met, but seemed to have heard about me, visited me with his wife and offered himself as a teacher by way of a gift of a white eagle tail feather. But my mind control seemed to freeze me so that I could not say a word, and he and his wife eventually drove away. I was left with the conviction I still hold that I missed an opportunity of a lifetime.

After I sold my home and had money, I would attend consciousness conferences for years and be surprised to have Native people approach me and tell me things I had been wondering for years and needed to know. I eventually became aware that many Native tribes claim to have come from the Pleiades.

In one event a group of Native women seemed delighted to see some other-dimensional beings traveling with me over my head as I made my way down a wide, crowded hallway.

In my mundane life, I occasionally experienced a Native woman from another dimension drop into me (or emerge from me?) and simply experience my life on that land I had a short while, and I understood this was their former land for harvesting acorns each year, and they just wanted to experience it again.

At one consciousness conference, I seemed to have been also recognized by people involved in mind control. They never initiated contact, but when we passed in a hallway, they stared briefly, looked away nervously, and I could psychically hear their mental wrestling with how to act as if they didn’t know and hadn’t recognized me.

In September 2009, I had a vision of a translucent egg-shaped ship approaching Earth, just letting me know it was nearby and wanting me to know that. Soon, a number of other women around the world were sharing their psychic vision of a massive UFO that would come to Earth and everyone would see it for three whole days, and I wondered if we had shared the same vision, but I did not have the convictions they had, so I kept quiet, thinking this coincidence was probably not meaningful. Either I was only getting part of the message, or they were assuming too much, or it was purely a coincidence, as nothing like that happened. So I held this vision in a place of wonder ever since.

Soon, it seems someone wanted to punish me for my book and video, as I seemed to have been put on a list for a variety of punishments in the form of government experiments, especially in frequency weapons. I experienced buzzing, tones that woke me up, tones that put me to sleep, tones that heralded an audiovisual experience beamed into my head, movies played in my head, movies played upside down, movies played double time, and movies played one on top of another, all short, no more than 10 seconds long – all of which I knew were induced and not generated by me.

Sometimes I woke up with taser burns, biopsy scoop marks, strange bruises, joints out of place, and eventually an inoculation with Lyme Disease – an event from which I came back to consciousness earlier than the doctors expected, and I heard one man tell another that whatever they were doing to me would kill me slowly. This latter memory was only triggered when I stood up and felt the rough memory of the inoculation in my body.

I soon became disabled, for many days at a time, quit my job, took early Social Security, sold yet another home, and moved into an old RV for five years, camping in Nature.

As a nomad, I realized I was still being targeted with various experiments and harassments wherever I went.

Nevertheless, living in Nature, on Social Security, I had time to think about my life, and remember the positive parts about it, including the mystery of why I should accept that I might be from the Pleiades – as crazy as that sounds.

My mind control had included suggestions to never believe anything good about myself, and to never try to attract attention, so it was a huge struggle to believe these experiences had any reality to them.

Coming here to do good and relay information to others – I could believe that, but I didn’t want to talk overtly about it.

Having spontaneous healing and channeling flow through – I was grateful for, but again didn’t want to talk about it, as it felt like spiritual bragging.

Having been healed myself when in despair and not expecting help – again, I was always astounded and extremely grateful, but I didn’t want to talk about it.

Some of my experiences I’ve never known for sure whether they were from my helpers or my controllers – experiences like downloads that forced me to stagger to the nearest chair to sit and feel information flow into a part of my brain that “I” could not access but only wonder about, dreams about spaceships, beams of healing energy, and the emergence of an inner warrior who can immediately and easily dismiss an evil spirit that jumped out to threaten me.

None of these things did I seek. Possibly because of mind control, I wanted only to be normal, not to be associated with extraordinary things.

Because my mind control and punishments for publishing have included being socially sabotaged, isolated, and lied about for decades by family and handler-husbands and members of the control network, I’ve been very uncertain about how I’m supposed to accomplish anything.

Because “my angels,” as I call them (Pleiadian colleagues?), keep healing me, I believe there must be something I’m still supposed to accomplish here, but I do not understand how to accomplish anything, given my isolated situation.

Currently, I have defined my strange life online on a few sites: my professional/activist website; my book website; my mind control website; and my Garden Healing Church website, which I just sat down one day and wrote in its entirety as if channeled, and haven’t done much with ever since.

I have tried over the years to keep my mind control stuff and my spiritual stuff separate from the rest of me. Fearful, I assume, of driving away the few “normal” friends and acquaintances I have.

I did finally put links between my sites a few years ago, but I never tell anyone in my “normal” group of friends and acquaintances anything about what I post on the other sites.

Why? Having been isolated and sabotaged and discredited, it’s very hard to be vulnerable with information other people don’t want to believe.

Also, my efforts to communicate so often result in government punishment.

Also, I hesitate to state anything with certainty when we live in such an environment of lies. I don’t want to tell others anything wrong.

Finally, these experiences are multidimensional, and our language is wholly insufficient to describe it well, and the concepts have been culturally mocked and tied to silly cartoons.

But I’ve been encouraged by a recent spiritual healing to feel that it’s time.

(The videos I watched were part of Gaia TV’s Cosmic Disclosure: Pleiadian Agenda with Josh Golembeske.)

JeanEisenhower.com

RattlesnakeFire.com

ParadigmSalon.net

GardenHealingChurch.org

Morgellon’s, Fungus, and Cancer

Research has led me to one site that links Morgellon’s to, not only strange, colorful fibers, but also a fungus-like growth called “biofilm,” with plastic properties, which covers the skin.  It is extremely strong, does not look like skin, and I cannot remove it.

One writer called it part of a “cyborgian” evolution the Controllers of the Planet are technologically enforcing on us, with some of their former subjects now being used as first test subjects for this.  Crazy, huh?

I was trying to remove the film with dermabrasives, enzymes, baking soda, and vinegar; nothing works.  It’s like I have plastic all over me.

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Biofilm? – covers my face and seems to be beginning to “shine” all over me, reflecting light when photographing, as if my skin were plastic).

It doesn’t show to the naked eye, and seems to be a matrix for other things growing through it.

Fungus on the skin leads to cancer – according to another author – and some of cancer images I found online look like some of the thousands of weird things I’ve photographed on me, like these little red raspberries, which the site identified as a “fast-growing” cancer, and which I’ve photographed about six times on my scalp.  Hmmmm.  [A glitch in cyborg design to kill their product?]

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I’ve spent lots of money on supplements and herbs and organized it all into a daily routine.  I’ve always kept sugar to a tiny fraction of the standard American diet, but – it’s weird – I’ve been craving it.  I recall I’d read long ago that microorganisms can actually convince our brains that we need something like sugar, and so I’ve been struggling with that – so yesterday I emptied most of the sugar out of the camper and gave it away.

I’m scrubbing (as much as I have energy for) and sunning (when the weather’s good and I’m feeling well), and praying (when I “can”), but I am not certain I’m getting better.

I can’t get help from the medical establishment because doctors don’t want to talk about this “controversial” disease.  Why?  Well, history says doctors have often been involved in top-secret experiments, and they certainly act like it now.

Each one who learns I have a digital microscope and can record my photos and watch my progress has seemed a little perturbed, as if now they know they can’t bullshit me in the usual way.  No one yet, MD or ND, has acted normal, except for the one who honestly said, “This stuff scares me.  I need to refer you out.”  So.

Yesterday the News announced that hospitals across the nation are now short-staffed and their space overwhelmed, and so all other medical care will be compromised – and for example they mentioned people with chronic diseases – like cancer.

Is this whole thing designed to execute Kissinger’s prophetic statement about our world needing a 95% die-off?

So they invented something to mostly kill the old and infirm.  Strategically, that would make sense and be a good start.  Better than war.  Plague.

I’m over sixty, so Kissinger would have me die.  No doctor will give me a blood test to begin any internal treatment.  So, I’m wondering if I’m supposed to go soon.

Screen Shot 2020-04-05 at 9.05.40 PM.pngI’m in the pristine, pure desert though!  Only have to spend a couple hours in town, one trip each week, to empty my tanks, shower, get water, buy groceries, maybe visit the library, then back to the desert to relax and watch the birds.

And scrub, prepare good food, take my medicines, rub stuff on me, enjoy camp mates from a distance, enjoy solitude, and wonder if I’m really supposed to try to heal this biofilm and fibers and spirochetes.

(So daunting!  They’re elated to syphilis! – shades of the syphilis experiment they did for a decade on the Black men of Tuskeegee – the experiment for which the government was shamed into finally admitting and paying settlements.  At it again, this time with activists.)

And keep on trying to heal myself as a mind control subject too?  Sheesh.

YeshivaOr (that was just one alter talking) heal myself through prayer?  Ask Jesus to heal me?  (I have been.)

Maybe this is when I’ll be pushed to such absolute lows that I’ll trigger some strength or knowing and transform myself into something new, spiritual, and healed – ?

Seems like a pretty big order for an old lady, which I’m really beginning to feel these days, grunting and huffing sometimes just to move around.

Feels like, if Kissinger wants 95% to die, I can’t think of much of a reason to say it shouldn’t be me.  Ya know?

But I’ll definitely ask that friends and family keep me out of the hospitals!  Away from doctors!  But let my friends with healing talents come sit with me, help me deal with pain.

The deadly part of this disease is the spirochetes.  (That’s why I’ve been so focused on getting a blood test.)  They invade the brain, nervous system, and heart.  I hope the heart is attacked first.

But if it’s my brain, we’ll have other issues, and I pray for everyone’s kindness, and again to be kept away from doctors or anyone who could be pretending to help but really be another targeter.

That’s why, for awhile, I was thinking the coronavirus might be a faster way to go.  But I’m not chasing it – and I no longer believe it’s actually a virus causing the problem. And I don’t believe I’ll live or die according to what I do; I believe my controllers will decide.

Further, I am not philosophically persuaded that I understand everything in this multi-dimensional world well enough to make that sort of radical decision, to die or not.  When my angels or family and friends over there make themselves known to me and call me over, then maybe.

Till then, I’ll sit in the beautiful desert or forest, greet the trees and flowers and birds each day, and move when the weather persuades me.

My YouTube channel has videos of my Morgellon’s at:

https://youtu.be/TsfzsdnczsA

 

Photos of fungus in Morgellon’s Disease

I’ve been documenting the weird protrusions from my skin for about a year now, and some of the items that people want to call hairs, just aren’t.

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Some appear to be fungus, others appear to be bacteria.  This one with knobby joints along its length has long fascinated me.  Some of the tips have a fine, crystalline point; others seem brush-like.  And they often have a swollen base, though this one doesn’t.

The diagram below can be found on a few Morgellon’s websites.  I’ve recognized none of the organisms below – though the largest one has features I’ve noted all year long:  the knobby stem and the “brush-like” tip.  th.jpg

The large body at the other end is probably what’s under the skin, causing the bulges at the base of each and the inflamed spots all over, as in the next photo of mine, not as highly magnified.  Photo on 2-29-20 at 7.41 PM.jpg

Under magnification, the “hairs”/stems are knobby and the tips are either brush-like or have fine, crystalline points.

I believe these are fungus, and I’ve begun an anti-fungal diet, which I’ll post about next.

Photo on 3-12-20 at 10.34 AM.jpg

Of course, fungus is only one part of this disease.  (What’s the little orange blob on the left in the photo above?  I have a whole collection of weird blob photos I’ll post soon.)

morgellon09_02.jpgThere are also the spirochetes to deal with (sorry about the high drama in this artwork) – which can enter the brain, nervous system, and heart – which I’m concerned has already happened, judging by my sometimes-foggy brain, trembling fingers, and ongoing ulcers breaking out – though my ulcers are tiny compared to this picture.

(People without microscopes can’t see what I see, so they let their symptoms go longer until it gets this bad.  I’m so sorry!  If you’re concerned, get yourself a digital microscope online!)

And finally, the weird fibers, which many people believe are nanotechnology – and I have enough experience to have personal evidence that I believe it may indeed be true.  I’ll post about that later.

(Sure am wishing doctors in America weren’t in on the targeting so I could get a blood test instead of being given a delusional parasitosis diagnosis, sadly.

Photo on 2-12-20 at 8.40 AM #3 4i.jpg Look at this pink fungal fruiting body!  On my scalp.

Peace.

Simple Cure! – for part of Morgellon’s

Last night I woke at 1 am and since I couldn’t sleep, I sat up and asked my Spirit Help what they might want me to hear, as They often wake me at night for things like that.

Morgellon’s was a spiritual battle, they said – like everything else. Yes, I’m supposed to keep my diet clean and sugar-minimized, and keep sleeping well, and getting sun, but I’m also supposed to be talking with the spiritual beings around me who can also deal with the fungal beings in my skin – on this realm and others.

On this realm, I was also encouraged that simple products could help change the ecosystem of my skin even more than essential oils. Online this morning, I read that using vinegar to create an acid environment could diminish the fungal aspect of Morgellon’s. And so I’m beginning….

…That was a week or more ago and that’s as far as I got.  I never put on vinegar after the first day!  What’s wrong?  Mind control?  Sheesh.

Okay. I don’t need to be as gloomy as I was last post.

Going for the vinegar now.

Daily Check: What do Do?

I was going to share some of the jokes I find myself telling on good days, about becoming part mushroom (which I read later Joni Mitchell has also said about her Morgellon’s) after I saw what appear to be “fruiting bodies” growing out of my chin after only 24 hours without scrubbing and ointments. And maybe I’d share about this balance of living with a whole host of parasites preparing me to see other realities.

Instead, I picked up my digital microscope to check my skin which I’m too tired to scrub.

First I went looking for the two holes I found yesterday in my upper left arm with a handheld 10x lens but hadn’t taken the time to look at with the better, save-able digital microscope until today. They’d looked like very fine hypodermic holes, and finding them on the day of a Full Moon when I felt tired is not typically a surprise; maybe that’s why I just couldn’t pick up the microscope that day – subconsciously too depressed from something done to me in the night. Today, they seem to have neatly closed and I can’t find them.  Fine.

Nearby, I found a larger, but still tiny red spot that bled when I ran my fingernail over it, but showed no blood under the microscope. I don’t have any idea what this is. But there is a “cup fungus” (I found online) that lives in skin and produces blood-red, oddly shaped cups – similar to what I find all over me.

Photo on 3-10-20 at 11.05 AM #2.jpg

Next I looked at my chin and found this fruiting body reaching out, catching the LED light in its translucent outer layer, with other, “common” anomalies which might be part of the natural human skin ecosystem, but I don’t know, as doctors seem loathe to discuss it.

Photo on 3-10-20 at 11.09 AM.jpg

On my left cheek, I found more “common” (to me now) weirdness, with another fungal fruiting body (I assume, and am open to correction) with its dark tip alongside this strange item which I think is a typical tangle of Morgellon’s fibers. I’ve had lots of single filaments, but not that many wads of them.

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focus on the fungal fruiting body with dark tip

 

 

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focus on the suspected small tangle of fibers

I want to scrub my face, my ears, my back, my chest, my arms, my hands, my fingers, my legs, my toes, but it all takes so much energy.  Two weeks ago, I paid for my last shower and decided to take all future ones in my camper, not because of the money ($6-20), though that helps, but because I felt under pressure to get it all done within a reasonable period of time, but I lost energy and always did a varying quality job. By bathing in my rig, even though I’ll use more water and propane and have to go into town more often, I can bathe a little of me at a time. I might do my face and genitals in the morning (though I didn’t today, kept putting it off), then neck and arms mid-morning, then torso after lunch, then legs in afternoon, and face and genitals again at night (always scrubbing hands and nails before and after washing each section of me). Just thinking about all that makes me exhausted.

 

These days I find myself holding my breath worse than ever, wondering why some part of me is starving my heart and brain and everything else.  Well, I don’t actually wonder, I know.  A few parts of me don’t think it’s worth being around anymore, and  I understand. But I think I/we am/are supposed to be here.  But that part of me that wants to breath can’t seem to overcome the others who don’t – sometimes.  Like today.

I have vegetables to cook, cilantro to wash and prepare, things to organize, receipts to put in my bookkeeping, and I just don’t feel able to focus on those tasks.  I did get the dishes done today, left from yesterday.  I cooked a healthy, no-sugar-of-any-sort breakfast (then followed it with a chocolate truffle!), and emptied part of my gray water tank, only because I was forced to.  It’s raining so I can’t walk, which is fine, as I’d only feel guilty or sad on a day like today because I have no energy.

Sometimes I think my spirit helpers helped me get the infection, to help me leave this life as I’ve sometimes said I wanted to – but I really believe it’s the mind controllers who gave it to me. Here’s my theory on that:

I started life as a mind control subject and still was when I “ran away from home” at age 19, but suddenly they had to treat me in a manner for which they hadn’t planned; they had to respond to activities I chose that they hadn’t chosen for me, so they had to adapt their programs. Twice they got me married to other mind control subjects who were able to exert impressive control, but I left each after about 9 years and have been single for the last 27 years.

After my separation in 1993, I – didn’t know it but recognized it later – was put on the “Targeted Individuals” list.  I was gang stalked and sabotaged in everything I tried to do, unless the Controllers determined it could be useful to them.

When I lived remotely as a hermit, my experiences felt like science fiction coming from the nearby Fort Huachuca, a (the?) major American intelligence center, also associated, conspiratorially, with aliens.  Besides all that, someone destroyed my computer and socially sabotaged me so that I could not work.

In debt, with no clear future, I sold my hermitage and moved to a small town, and my experiences of aliens and UFOs ended; in their place, anomalies left traces suggesting high-tech medicine and electronic warfare testing.  Each experiment felt new, none repeated (that I was aware of), all interesting, disconcerting, exhausting, and not as fearful as I philosophically thought it should be.

In one terrible event, I became conscious with a body memory of some disease organism being technologically implanted in my body.  In the next two years, I would begin to wake up with a painful scalp I described as feeling “like someone pulled me around by my hair all night,” and another sensation I described as “like someone had pounded the soles of my feet.”  The disease would be diagnosed only 5 years later, and I’d find ulcers and fibers growing out of my scalp and fibers growing out of the soles of my feet.

This last phase of my life since I fled my home to travel permanently may have been concurrent with my demotion from military test subject to simple victim for punishment. At least three times I’ve been led unknowingly to attend Satanist gatherings on the Full Moon and woken up disabled for a day or two.  I’ve witnessed many endless common people working for Operation TIPS doing drive-by harassment and such, many business owners who mysteriously treat me abominably, and finally, a new variety of electronic harassment.

My value to the mind control organizations I assume has diminished, so that they don’t care now whether I’m killed or not.  Someone did something to my truck two years ago, which I documented and thought about a lot, but didn’t have looked at, then my trailer mysteriously fishtailed twice on flat road and then on a hill flipped me over, totaling my truck and trailer home and giving me a whiplash and concussion.  Did they intend exactly that?  To terrify and hurt me badly, but not kill me?  Or did they not care, maybe even took bets on the outcome?  I don’t know.

I’m not as controllable (I assume/hope), and can imagine they’re angry at me for documenting their damages and might want to punish me for it.  As authoritarian types always have.

I could try to be “good”; I did for so much of my life, when I believed the American dream.  But I don’t anymore.  I remember now the sexual abuse in my home, my church and strange places I was taken.  I remember learning about money, and hating it, because it was exchanged when I was abused.  When I learned about Capitalism, it made me extremely sad for the world, and I thought, “This just cannot work.”  I’m a failed mind control test subject – at least failed to some degree.

But I’m not sure I have no value to them anymore. I do wake up at least once each month having slept 11 hours and feeling so exhausted I can’t do anything but feed myself, and I have a dreadful feeling my amnesia occured because I was with them or they were in my home the previous night.  Was I actually doing something for them?  I’ve had impressions of being used to do remote viewing in an altered state as late as 2014.  I’ve wondered if I was used sexually.  I’ve wondered if I was used to help groom little girls for this work, which breaks my heart the most.  I’ve also “glitched” once, and an alter took over who knew how to assassinate and was thrilled to have the opportunity “after such a long time.”  Who knows what I might have done all my life!?

Or are they just doing maintenance these days – checking my heart, testing my blood, seeing how their old subject is?

Or are they monitoring the fascinating disease they gave me in 2014?

Six years after that 2014 event when I believed someone intended to inoculate me with disease – and I “forgot” about it all this time – I’m categorizing types of fibers, photographing them, adapting my life, but feeling like I’m losing the battle.  Maybe I’m not.  I’ve had angels come heal me before.  They could come again.

It feels great to write these things, to make a record.  But I really should get up to bathe.

I’ll put water on the stove (far more efficient than lighting the 6-gallon water heater), close the camper door (it’s been nice to have it open all morning), turn on the space heater, close the blinds, lay towels on the floor, get out the body scrubs, put on a movie, and begin with my face.

It’s so much trouble, and if I have the energy to do it, there’s no energy left for anything else.  Realistically speaking, not emotionally, it just seems like I’m going to die.  And eugenically (!?) speaking, I think I should.  As a wimp, I don’t want to suffer.  As a person defending her sanity against doctors and her self-esteem with a family that doesn’t want to believe her, I don’t want to deteriorate as predicted by this diagnosis.

So I’ve joked I should go volunteer at a local hospital and hope to catch Covid19.

On the other hand, if I’m still useful to the Controllers, I’m not sure they’ll allow me to die.  I have an implant in my heart and, for all I know, they’ll keep me alive to watch the disease develop (like they did with the Tuskeegee Black prisoners who were given a related spirochete, syphilis) and thereby torture me for my sins.  But maybe not.  I can hope.

If I live, I still have so many other unpleasantries of old age: missing teeth, malocclusion, failing eyesight, and forgetfulness (and we hope it’s not Alzheimer’s); but worst is not old age but the technology mind controllers put in me over the decades.  I have documented implants in my heart, g-spot, alongside my clitoral shaft, on my left scapula, 6 in my teeth, 2 in my ears, and I believe there could be more.  They can be used to move my whole body or vibrate a part, make me nauseous and anxious, immobilize me, shift my consciousness off and on, turn on other programmed alters, and more.  Even if I could heal my Morgellon’s and get my teeth fixed, who would want to be subject to the rest of what I live with?  No one.

But if my controllers seem to be trying to kill me, then I wonder whether they’re not using me in any significant way anymore.  And that would be an excellent understanding, in a way – to be killed instead of mind controlled.  Thank you.  But I’m not sure of anything.

I don’t mind dying if they don’t string it out too long and painfully.  Ironically, though, my daily scrubbing efforts might be helping me live longer, and that’s not really what I want. I should serve my own needs better, and help shorten this eventuality.  Yeah, that’s the only thing that makes good philosophical sense.  I should just let it take me over.

Unless I’m supposed to be here still for something.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Too Weak to Bathe

Many fibers 2019-08-12 at 12.47.18 PM sm

This is the one of the 3 worst spots with a quantity of mystery fibers.

Many days lately I’ve felt too tired to bathe.  I monitor my Morgellon’s Disease with a digital microscope and see fungal and spirochetal co-infections growing wildly all over my face or other places just one day after a good scrubbing.

Photo on 1-27-20 at 8.59 AM cropI also find all sorts of anomalies that match various Internet photos of fungal infection or skin cancer, including many on my scalp and elsewhere that look like little red raspberries called “most fast growing.”

Many days, I can only wash my face and genitals but just don’t have energy to wash any more. Photo on 3-9-20 at 5.55 PMIn the last few days, I’ve found new patches of fungal-looking growths all over my ears and the back of my neck where I’ve not seen them before – and I despair that I don’t have the energy to address them.  To lift my arms for that long, and rub abrasive back and forth just sounds like too much energy to expend all over my ears and neck and every crevice and angle and above and below of every limb and my torso – just way too much.

And for what?  So I can live a healthier life to be mind controlled against my will on a regular basis?  No thanks.  But still the irrational urge to live is still in me.

Photo on 3-4-20 at 5.48 PM #2

Spirochete related to syphilis.  It’s striped, partially transparent, with knobs and bends, and it moves, but medical professionals glance quickly and say it’s just a hair.

The spirochetes are my main concern, as they can enter the nervous system, heart and brain. In the last month, I’ve noticed my hands trembling and fingers flicking my phone or my face without my intention.

My energy is so low I wonder about my heart, since I’ve already had “at least one” (according to a doctor) heart attack, and keep finding myself holding my breath, feeling weak and even like crying at the thought of a doctor-recommended treadmill “stress test,” which I don’t think I can do.  And there’s a strange feeling under my skull, and I often feel unable to focus my mind for tasks I really need to do, so I barely keep up.

Besides bathing, I deal with this complex disease in a few other ways: excellent diet with little sugar, as much sleep as I want, moderate exercise as I feel able each day, sunshine, internal supplements, topical ointments, and prayer. I keep up with these well enough, but I just don’t have the physical energy to scrub every part of my body every day.

I’ve wondered whether to hire someone to bathe me (as if I could afford it or barter enough to pay for what would probably be at least an hour’s effort every day), or give up (intending to die), or try to increase all my other healing attempts so that not scrubbing won’t be an issue.  Or maybe I should be on oxygen, so I’d have the energy to bathe myself.  Some say I should quit all my efforts and just pray.

I dunno.  I think about dying often, and I usually just feel relieved that the battle could soon be over.  I feel a little sad for myself, but mostly sad for our whole world, run as it is by people who’d mind control us for their purposes and kill us with gruesome diseases if we weren’t useful enough to them.  But scriptures says that’s what the gods have always done.

Hanging in there anyway ~

Overview of Morgellon’s Challenge

First used digital microscope in May 2019 to investigate deep sores on scalp followed by deep scabs. Discovered this wound first:

scalp ulcer 2019-10-08 at 3.35.36 PM copy.png

Later found more scalp ulcers, this one photographed in October, 2019:

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Also found ulcers on my face:

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And this on the bridge of my nose:

bridge of nose on 10-14-19 at 8.05 AM #3 copy.jpg

Also, an ulcer in my vagina, with strange fibers in the open wound:

Lesion w worms 2019-08-06 at 8.00.26 AM 4w.png

And fibers everywhere on my body:

Fibers on 10-14-19 at 7.44 AM #3 copy.jpg

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Even emerging from the soles of my feet:

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And this cluster of fibers seems to be contained in lymph and blood, picked off the tip of one of my toes:

Fiber clump 2019-10-11 at 6.07.21 AM.png

And some of the fibers seem similar to hairs, but with strange features like blunt “heads,” jointed structure, and sometimes apparent independent movements:

Blunt heads 2019-08-12 at 4.41.20 PM sm.jpg

Along the way I also found things that seem like photos of cancer I’ve seen online – little red raspberry-appearing things:

Photo on 1-27-20 at 8.59 AM crop.jpg

And I’ve found evidence of what I believe is a spirochete infection, on both my genitals and face:

Spirochete maybe 2020-02-26 at 2.17.38 PM copy.png

Since the Morgellon’s controversy contains the story of a secret biowarfare lab working with spirochetes that got out of control, and because another historic controversy involved another spirochete, syphilis, tested on Black men in the forties, it is concerning to find spirochetes on my body and doctors refusing to look or test.

And because of the history of our nation’s biowarfare experiments on unwitting subjects, and my previous evidence that I’ve been used for other experiments, it’s especially concerning to find artificial elements like this yellow, six-sided bead that seems to be planted tightly on my scalp:

Yellow bead 2019-10-29 at 7.49.55 AM copy.png

One evening when I hadn’t scrubbed my face in 18 hours, I found this apparently complex ecosystem growing on my chin, which thankfully could be scrubbed away:

Chin ecosystem 2020-02-28 at 9.41.02 AM copy.png

And this seems to be a fungal infection on my face, according to a medical care provider:

Fungus maybe 2019-12-29 at 3.10.41 PM copy.png

Sorry I haven’t been able to post much. I’ve been dealing with extreme fatigue (another symptom of Morgellon’s) and inability to focus on the few days I have Internet access.  Another possible development is that the spirochetes can move into one’s heart, nervous system and brain.  Last summer, I took a 6-mile hike, climbing at least a 1,000 feet elevation, and felt fine.  Today, I can’t walk a mile without exhaustion.

I’ve also developed a tremor or palsy in my hands!  I’ve flicked myself in the face while falling asleep and tapped more unwanted items on my cell phone and witnessed my left hand trembling so bad I have to hold the phone against something steady to be able to use it – all symptoms of spirochetes moving beyond just the skin.

So when I have a hard time thinking and feel a fullness under my scalp I wonder if they’re passing the blood-brain barrier and invading my brain.

Sure wish the 2 doctors and 3 Naturopaths I’ve consulted would have taken this seriously.  One did, and she said she was scared of it and referred me to out-of-state doctors.  I appreciate her honesty.  The two doctors, I assume, are in the secret network, aligned against us targeted individuals.  The other Naturopaths might have been threatened, but couldn’t be as honest as the one.

Now I’m away from home and my health insurance plan just doesn’t work for nomads.  So I’ve been waiting for two months for one Naturopath to send me an order for blood work, but his office hasn’t sent it.

Some days I feel like I’m dying slowly, eaten alive by fungus and spirochetes, my skin looking horrible under the microscope, my heart feeling fainter by the day, my hands occasionally trembling, no energy to scrub myself as often as I should.

Other days, I just feel better, or if I really need to do things, I “dissociate” well enough to enjoy productive days and some lazy days and visiting with friends.  Here’s a photo to prove it:

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I appreciate you caring.