Dear Caroline and Blue,
Thank you both for writing! Both of you personify different aspects of my own personal response.
While there were obviously clear “red flags,” as Caroline called them, I just don’t react emotionally or quickly anymore. Life has been busy and good, so I didn’t let this message change anything other than giving it a few hours to review it and post about it.
(Writing about things like this seems to be the role I’ve been given, as well as it being a strategy for protecting myself.)
I’ll respond mostly to Caroline, agreeing and disagreeing at points. I hope my example – open-eyed, calm, and thorough consideration – will be a useful example for others.
I’ll begin with a few disagreements and things I’d like to clarify, then address our agreements:
As for “contradictions,” I don’t have a problem with “contradictions,” as I believe they are a human philosophical problem. The fact that Life seems to require Death (read essays on the volvox and introduction of sexual reproduction and death in the evolution of life of Earth for background) is but one example.
Human language and philosophy lead us into some tricky territory, referred to contemporarily as “black and white thinking” and “polarizing issues,” constantly bogging down everything from parenting quandaries to Supreme Court decisions.
So, contradictions I accept as a fact of life; just because humans find something contradictory does not mean there’s a problem with anything but the human’s thinking.
No worry about craziness
Also, when I mentioned questioning Greg about whether he thought I was crazy, it was not because I thought I was; I just wanted to know whether he thought I might be. I did not doubt my sanity, only the possible “reality” of what I’d perceived. I know there are liars in this realm and the other realms, and just perceiving lies does not reflect anything about the perceiver, except that the person has perceived something.
I did not receive the “alien message” as simply placing “blame on humans.” I thought the message was clearly blaming those overseeing our genetic evolution – though both our perspectives are probably oversimplifications of a process which is more entwined and cooperative on some level.
Part of the message, after all, dealt clearly with other aliens controlling the leadership of planet Earth.
So the question remains: which faction of aliens this voice represented. He seemed to speak against the slave controllers, not for them.
I agree with Blue that we need to recognize that there are many races of beings we call aliens, and it is a cosmically-huge error to lump them all together under the one word.
He may have been a lying voice of the slave controllers, even though he was purporting to speak against them (“mixing truth and lies”). Or he may have been a dispassionate observer of the whole controller-slave history, and I just have a “problem with appearances.” I could argue both theories.
If this was a lie, and this race of beings is as suspect as many think, then I wonder if that means that my perception is finer than they trusted, for certainly if they had wanted to get through more convincingly to me, they would have prohibited or shielded that visual!
I really don’t understand, otherwise, why a false message, intended to deceive me, would come with that visual, unless they were careless liars and I had better vision than they anticipated.
If it’s a true message, then I’d have thought they’d have given me a screened visual rather than that displeasing alien face, unless they need for us to get over our human prejudices. (This is a primary question still intriguing me.)
The biggest “red flag” for me was feeling myself spiritually “outgunned.”
Certainly, we all want to feel in control at all times. We all want to believe that we can pray and get results when things get their worst – such as this moment, with the ringing in my ears escalated and was initiated by (apparently – though maybe it was only a screen image) a being who didn’t feel threatening but certainly had an image I don’t care for.
But having been through so much weirdness over the years, I can’t help but to have many times been so stumped by an experience that there was nothing to do but draw myself up for a larger, more philosophical viewpoint, to seek for answers from the whole of human experience:
For instance, haven’t humans – good humans – often made mistakes in judgement out of fear? Of course, and this encourages me to not jump to hasty conclusions, but to try always to be willing to jump back and forth between my personal experience (fear in many cases) and a higher philosophical perspective, try to integrate the two, and sometimes suspend judgement until I have more information.
And haven’t animals being treated for disease or other rescue attempts often struggled against their well-meaning human handlers?
So, even if I’m triggered by ear-ringing to act against my original instincts to do something I’ve avoided for years (listen to a Monroe recording), I try to look at the incident on as many levels as I can.
I certainly wanted the ringing to stop, but until that moment, I had not felt any fear regarding this strange being, only curiosity.
However, this paragraph of mine is very bothersome: “But only one idea seemed hopeful in that moment: a hypnotherapy recording for relaxation and sleep…. Was I being driven to chose this recording in order to program me? Or would this calm me? I hardly felt I had a choice. I plugged it in… and lay back on my pillow, melting into a submissive desire for anything to give me relief from the high-pitch whining…. I was fully aware, that I might now be being healed, comforted, and relaxed for sleep, or programmed – but felt unable to chose otherwise.”
Yeah. Very disturbing. But is it any different from what a white tiger getting surgery would experience? Do I necessarily conclude whatever happened had to be “evil”? No. But it’s possible.
Is it possible that something on that Monroe tape was actually good for my mind, as so many purport? Or was my initial judgment (of fear about it) the correct one, which was overridden? Another million-dollar question.
It’s certainly possible that my discernment was disabled by this event – a theory I promise not to neglect. But even if it was, I don’t believe it’s irreversible. In some ways, I feel like I’m getting a powerful lesson, like all humans, in the “knowledge of good and evil.” And I pray I survive the instruction.
The fact that I had a great day the next day also doesn’t necessarily mean that everything else associated with it is good.
As for the missing 80 minutes – which came before the ear-ringing episode – it’s curious, but neither good nor frightening in itself. It has happened before and has no relation to either good stuff or bad stuff in my life.
I know I’m practicing a degree of non-judgment that would be praised by some and condemned by some. I could defend it as scientific and philosophical good practice, but it could just as easily be mind control. I admit I’m doing it, whether “wise” or not.
I hope readers will appreciate my honesty and care in conveying exactly what I’m going through. That is one half my work, as a writer.
The other half of my purpose is to protect myself and others. If I let my community know what’s going on with me, then my local community and international readers will have more information with which to interpret any future weirdness, should mind controllers still be bothering with me. And that being that case, I hope I’ll be less useful to them – because I document – and less likely to be used.
All this is for each of you to decide on your own: Am I still being programmed, even somewhat successfully?
Or are attempts being made and I’m thwarting them, i.e., perceiving their image which they might otherwise have screened?
Or are there other beings from other dimensions trying to get new information through to us, which are just too obscure for us to understand yet, but eventually we’ll have enough pieces of the puzzle to break through?
Peace, healing, and wisdom to us all.
I’m trying to write – even when I don’t understand, honestly – for all our Benefit,