Last night I was both blown away and comforted by these words,
which cast the unsettling (and sometimes terrifying) fact
of not being able to remember what has happened
– when it is clear something happened –
into a context of ancient wisdom teaching
(though it might also have been highjacked,
or highjacking is often attempted,
by modern government technologies):

“Don Juan explained that in a state of heightened awareness
apprentices can behave almost as naturally as in everyday life,
but can bring their minds to focus on anything
with uncommon force and clarity.

“Yet, an inherent quality of heightened awareness is that
it is not susceptible to normal recall.
What transpires in such a state becomes part of
the apprentice’s everyday awareness
only through a staggering effort of recovery.”
[my emphasis]

I know that “staggering effort!”
Thanks, Carlos.

He goes on to eventually quote Don Juan:
“Every time I entered into heightened awareness
I could not cease marveling at the difference between my two sides.
I always felt as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes,
as if I had been blind before and now I could see.

“The freedom, the sheer joy that used to possess me on those occasions cannot be compared with anything else I have ever experienced.
Yet at the same time,
there was a frightening feeling of sadness and longing
that went hand in hand with that freedom and joy.

“Don Juan had told me that there is no completeness
without sadness and longing,
for without them there is no sobriety, no kindness.
Wisdom without kindness, he said,
and knowledge without sobriety are useless.”