A common truism is that sometimes we need to step away from a problem, sometimes for a long period of time, before we can return to it and perceive it correctly.
For years, I have been keenly aware of my “problem” of interpreting my “anomalous” life experiences, and was very open to information and ideas, but I had chosen to not wrestle with the issues, not read very much about the subject (after a few years of voracious reading), and not pursue any conclusions I was willing to share completely.
The reason for my passive curiosity probably involved a few varieties of fear, cloaked in a philosophical “everything in its time” together with a sense that I needed to “ground myself” better first.
And so I spent a few years teaching English and the last year teaching Permaculture – environmental design – but always knowing in the back of my mind that I have a responsibility to make sense of my anomalous experiences and, because I’m a writer, to share what I learn.
Recently I began reading my friend Niara Isley’s memoir, Facing the Shadow, Embracing the Light, and was so impressed by her fearless wrestling with issues very like my own, that I put down her book halfway through and began to read again, selectively, and watch videos (most which seemed mostly un-credible but very educational regarding the lies told us as a culture), and began to feel much of my experiences begin to fall into a meaningful design.
I’ve been documenting “anomalous” experiences in my private journal for years, and occasionally I’ve posted experiences on my website, but I’ve always been very aware that I was not articulating any progress toward a larger, more coherent worldview. Instead I was living with an ongoing “mush” of experiences, including some that terrified me, for which I had a vague, deep-in-my-heart feeling that they would eventually lead me to some coherence.
Why the delay? Maybe it was “only” my fear. Or maybe my spiritual help knew I needed more emotional and physical support, which I now have, to overcome that fear.
In any case, the time away from the subject has been productive. I now have ideas stirring that I will be working to put into essays, tying together the experiences that I have long put into three categories – spiritual, alien, and government/mind control – sometimes uncertain into which categories they belonged, and therefore I was unwilling to state exactly what I believed was the meaning and relationships between them all.
I intend to post the first of these new essays very soon.
Thanks for reading.