When I set out to become a hermit, I thought it would be more Zen-like, with occasional overwhelming states of bliss when I walked somewhere in nature.
Instead I experienced what is typically described by shamans around the world: I was grabbed by demons, stripped, terrorized, brought to the brink of death repeatedly, dipped in shit, fooled, tricked, and laughed at. (All anthologies of shamanic lore recount a similar list of experiences.)
I’ve apologized for myself for decades now, explaining that I wasn’t properly socialized in the first place – and then I went through this. In the jungle, it would be understood. In America, it’s not. But here I am.
Sorry to hear.
Don’t worry. That was years ago, and everything is a soul lesson. We learn the most when the world gets crazy. And I’m very happy and strong now, having grown and learned through it all. Be well.