Second Weekly Report: Prayer, Sexual Healing, and Weird MK Story

Three parts:

1)  Programming to Ignore Prayer?

2)  Sexual Healing in Progress?

3)  MK Acquaintance with Weird Story Involving Me

1) Ignoring Prayer?

I often wonder, “Is it just me (resistant to prayer and meditation), or am I struggling against programming to avoid prayer?

I assume it must be programming, because I know through experience that checking in with my Spiritual Family is very good for me.

(I broke through my last two weeks of intense struggle and pain, culminating in suicidal despair, when finally I seriously prayed.)

But afterward I had to ask:  Why do I, so often, have to get to the brink of death before I do?

Ever since I’ve known about mind control, I’ve accepted that programming is done on many levels, including the mundane, including interference with the simple desire to have a daily habit of prayer, meditation, or spiritually “checking in.”  I experience this negative program working in me often.

A voice says something like this:  “You’re already connected to your spiritual help.  They already know what you need, and sitting down for a ritual blah, blah, blah only implies that they won’t be in touch unless you go through some silly ritual.  You’re slowing your progress to act so much like a kindergartener.  Besides, nothing happens when you do.”  And other assorted untruths and half-truths.

I imagine some folks might have a program to keep them from even considering such a “stupid” thing – people who understand this is a multi-dimensional cosmos, highly populated, and yet can’t believe that some of the beings might actually be potential allies.

(If you’re one of them, please consider that the same way that aliens have been made to seem silly with cartoons, so have spiritual allies been presented with diminishing cartoon images, such as angels or “Jesus,” who has great power for me.)

What do we do about our programmed resistance?

First, I have to remember the full truth – why it is good and important to check in daily and connect with my Spiritual Allies:

– I can sense my body’s energy field and sometimes sense something out of kilter and talk to my Help about it.  The awareness alone is incredibly important, and connection to spiritual help equally so.

– I can practice energy-clearing skills.

– I can think about the highest priorities for my day and make my commitments to them.

– I can look beyond the day to my larger healing work (and other purposes for being here) and ask for guidance about how to progress.

– I feel centered, directed, and supported.

This is my experience yet again today.  Thank Goodness!

With so much at stake, though, it blows my mind that any idea can ever talk me out of it – but it does sometimes, and for weeks at a time.

I’ve prayed often for help with the resistant voice, and now I’m praying for that again.

I’ve also created a new journal, in which I’ll log my meditation/prayer experiences daily – so I can’t “forget.”

2)  Probable MK Acquaintance with Weird Story about Me

Last week, a local acquaintance, reader of this blog, and probably an MK subject, said he was beginning to remember an amnesic event a year ago that involved me, and he thought I’d want to know.

By way of protection, I had him visit with my partner present, and we videotaped the conversation with two cameras (good thing too, as one quit in the middle).

The man’s story culminated in something called an “Alien Love Bite” – as he recalls alien beings creating a one-way, heart-to-heart bond between us, which has tormented him all year, as I am not drawn to the relationship.

It was a very weird thing to hear, with many possible interpretations, any number of which could draw me in to the drama.

I chose not to be drawn in, while sympathizing with his plight and all of our isolation.  I told him that it was his spiritual work to “cut the cord” that he believes the aliens used to tie him to me, that it was not my work, though I also did a cord-cutting ceremony, just to be sure.

I didn’t mean to sound callous, but we each need to protect ourselves.  And even though isolation is sometimes terribly painful (I know), it is also possible to learn a great deal alone – sometimes more alone than with others.

3) Sexual Healing?

I had an interesting sexual experience last night, that I feel is a step toward healing.

It began by my recognizing that I’d had the first “un-shattered” orgasm that I could remember in many, many years.

My g-spot (descending bulge) was sliced from back to front and twice more (not visible here) from side to side.

My g-spot (descending bulge) was sliced from back to front and twice more (not visible here) from side to side.

Those who’ve read enough on this site know that I was ritually cut three times in my g-spot, one back to front, the other two side-to-side, cutting my g-spot into six squarish nodes.

For comparison, here's a normal g-spot. The photograph was supplied by a friend in sex education. You can see it is ribbed and round.

For comparison, here’s a normal g-spot. The photograph was supplied by a friend in sex education. You can see it is ribbed and round.

This causes my orgasms to be, usually, fragmented.  Energy gets stuck, it seems, in dead-ends.  Enough said.

Yesterday, an acquaintance (probably MK’d also) made reference to prostitutes in Las Vegas hotels performing privately for clients.  While having sex last night, I had an image of that scenario come to mind, and I mused for a moment (hardly sad anymore, just “what it is”) on the fact that I believe I was mind controlled to be used for something similar and probably was for much of my youth.

With this performing-for-others scenario in my mind for just a short while, I was surprised to have my first “natural-feeling” orgasm in many years – and thought that that was exactly the opposite of what I “should” have experienced.

Instantly, though, I had another memory:  a suspicion I’ve had for years that I fell out of favor at some point, which was the reason I was sexually punished by either the cutting I received and/or a hypnotic command that “I would never experience a good, natural orgasm again in my life, except for ‘their’ pleasure.”

This old suspicion felt immediately validated.

This was not a welcome realization by any means, but any awareness feels useful and a step toward healing, so I accept it.

I am fascinated that this unfractured orgasm happened while imagining myself young, presumably without cuts, but with my cuts existing “in reality.”  But it’s not strange when we consider that our energetic bodies may remain uncut, which I believe they do.

And this reminds me of another related experience:  Years ago, in bed before sleeping, at a time I was mourning my wounds, I heard a kind voice suggest I “touch my wounds.”  At first I took it metaphorically and just thought about them.  But the voice suggested I touch them literally.

So I did.  I reached inside and held my finger in the deepest cut, which often brings up feelings of pain and revulsion and just held my finger there while I cried for a while.

Suddenly, my finger was not in a cut, but on a spherical organ, tightly-ribbed as a g-spot normally is.  I lightly stroked my finger back and forth in amazement.  My g-spot was a tight round thing, ribbed for the first time I’d ever experienced it (too prudish in younger days), and I gasped at the realization that it had been recreated, right there and then.  It was a miracle.

Then I said, “I don’t believe it!” and my finger dropped back into the cut, and the ribbed organ disappeared.

I am so sorry I said those doubting words, as I really did – for those moments – know that I’d been healed.  But I’d lost the healing by doubting.

Still, I believe in healing.  Perhaps this exemplifies our need for witnesses in our lives to support us and say, “Yes, I experienced it too!”  Or maybe it was only meant to be temporary for some reason.

In any case, I do believe in healing, and want to encourage others to believe too, even though mine didn’t stay.  It still changed me.  I believe I can experience healing again and am in the midst of some sort of healing now.  Sometimes it just may require time, and a few steps, with our faithful participation along the way.

And sometimes healing doesn’t show (or can’t be felt) in the physical, but is there on the energetic plane – as my body seems to have been whole last night with that imagination of my youthful body, even though I was being used by others.

I’m not sure the entire meaning of the experiences I had last night, except that I know I’m becoming more aware of my programming, the torture I’ve been dealt, and the possibilities for more healing.

Everyone, keep the faith.  Keep track of your mental patterns.  Be creative in finding “work arounds.”  Believe in healing.  I believe we’ll make it.

24 thoughts on “Second Weekly Report: Prayer, Sexual Healing, and Weird MK Story

  1. clandestine rage revealed

    Hi Jean,

    I will take a look at the info you provided recently. I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. The cube was installed and it hold a lot of my programming this they use for my slavery to them. It very well could have been installed thousands of years ago and they are still using it and programming it. Thanks again and I hope you are well. I’m trying to get caught up this weekend with my blog and other affairs.

    Khristan

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  2. balanceenergies

    and for Krystal….the God thing (hard to even put a capital in front) (so why did i)….i came to a realization that things were much more ‘mechanical’ than we have been led to believe………right or wrong?…beats me, but i do know we are all connected to the life force in some manner…………and i looked up ‘bear totem’………….bear>>industrious,instinctive,healing power,sovereignty,gaurdian of the world,watcher, courage, will power,self-preservation,introspection and great strength……great thing about today is that more pieces are sliding together…………ya, the spiritual thing, that can get me going in circles, so i just do a day to day thing……..pretty curious stuff…………love from cat>>>>>>>>>and the bear is probably just hungry and waking up….lol

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    1. artemesiaspeaks

      The ‘mechanistic’ view of the world is very imposed and mid-20th century in origin. Joseph Campbell, the renouned myth scholar, talks about the mechanistic world view and how it really blocked people from understanding myth’s importance in human affairs. Almost all myths are sourced in the ‘hidden history’ and untold story of humanity on Earth, so when things went mechanistic, it was hard to see myths as part of this, thereby locking people in the ‘only 3d exists’ view of things, which let the astral and other dimensional forces run wild. When you can’t even conceptualize its existence, the door is left open to be completely overrun by unknown, uncontrollable circumstances of mysterious origin. Just my take.

      I think you hit on the ‘mechanical’ view of our society and HOW/WHY THIS HAS BEEN EMPLOYED as somthing that has been hidden from us or which we have been lead to beleive falsehoods about. I don’t think the world is mechanistic much at all though. Only a post-industrial world would make the aggregious error of consciousness. The life-force is far more magical and impressive than wrote processes, which a mechanistic world view suggests they are.

      I apologize if I come off as hard-nosed or academic. The philosopher in me (it was my University major) is wanting voice today, for some reason. :_

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  3. artemesiaspeaks

    Thanks for this Jean. I guess my understanding of ‘I am God’ is my way of stating that I am connected to the great God through my spark. I am a part of God and God is a part of me. As such, there is no separation, so I feel okay using the term. I certainly don’t let it go to my head. If anything lately life has gotten much easier because I”m just focusing on ‘my part’, what *I* have to do, and no more. My role is actually quite small in the grand scheme of things, whereas before I felt like I had to do EVERYTHING, probably due in large part to the way I was raised. Focusing on the small, and yet realizing it is as big as it needs to be, is this. As such I am God of my own world.

    Probably clarifying it in this way makes sense, I think we are very much in alignment with how we view things. Great to know you have gone through this tricky ground.

    Oh yea, when I opened up to the animal totem thing I had ALL KINDS of animals trying to communicate with me, many of the same ones you mentioned such as rattlesnake, crow/raven and owl. I also had a lot of seal energy/visits, which translated to selkie’s for me for a time. Ruh roh, Shaggy! I now just see them as their own beings, doing their own thing, as we share a moment. Although last night I got buzzed by a hummingbird who hovered near me from about 2 feet away, and it felt like a message. Just now I’m realizing he probably meant to say, “hey lady, the sugar water in the feeder is tasting old, can I get some service around here!” Not all messages, as you point out are all that cosmic.

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    1. Jean Eisenhower Post author

      Your words about honoring the power in yourself triggered a new, slightly different focus for me in the last few days, which I believe has contributed to my greater sense of empowerment – which I plan to write about soon.

      Regarding animal totems, I agree with you that, while they might not be best to depend on exclusively, they can be bringers of useful information. I just received some nice encouragement:

      Yesterday, sitting outside, I suddenly heard birds overhead and looked to see (and tried to count – thought I counted 21 – a significant number) a flock of vultures rising (for the first time I’ve ever seen here) from some trees behind the house, catching the thermal and swirling over my head then off toward the hill in front of me. Finally looked up vultures today and read that they represent “purification, death and rebirth, and new vision.” ;} Let’s all keep seeking the new vision.

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      1. balanceenergies

        thanks for that entry Jean…i am strong today and have the’ onward and upward ‘ to the new life………..i have a grizzley birthmark and cannot remember what that signifies…guess it is time to check it out again………we are all going to get there……love from cat

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  4. artemesiaspeaks

    Jean,
    I really hear you on the conundrum of finding ‘place’ that feels right and is appropriate or what native people would call ‘in right relation’ in one’s life. Spirituality is so essential, and yet is a very confused realm for folks dealing with things such as we have. I wrote an article about my own process of figuring out where I’m at with this, but I”m still very much in the process of that. It can be seen here:

    http://artemesiaspeaks.wordpress.com/2012/04/15/going-direct-ditching-your-guides-and-relying-on-your-own-internal-connection/

    I have a spiritual component that needs some reconciliation, acknowledgement of dark work that was done by me on the spiritual plane in prior lifetimes, so this self-forgiveness piece is part of the dilemma for me, which you seem to speak to as well. In the above-listed article, I take a very ‘this is how it is’ stance, which I know might come off as very extremist and rigid. This too is part of the problem, the over-confident or maybe zealous nature of my communication has been a mal-adaptive response I developed as a child and young adult to deal with a family that did much to negate my place and sense of being. I over compensated for that with forceful assertion, which is usually poorly received, and I understand why this is so. So if you can move through this tone in the piece, there might be something there you might find helpful, or speaks to your struggle with this as well.

    The short of it, which I detail more fully in the piece, is that I discovered a lot of what was ‘guiding’ me or was compelling various me to perform prayerful ceremonies was in fact the dark stuff I was working to overcome. This was a powerful realization to come to, and because of it I realized I needed to hold off on a lot of this input/action until I sort out where I begin and end, and what exactly I am dealing with.

    Despite this ‘full stop’ though, there is a connection to Oversoul (internal spirit) and God-Mind that is strengthening. My meditations are purely internal. My prayer deals directly with my connection to my own Oversoul, and therefore God-Mind, and nothing in between. Scrubbing off this connection from years of dust, I find myself feeling much better. No need to call in anything else, as it has no place in this relationship equation.

    If anything these days, I am realizing how the healing process requires looking at one layer at a time, dealing with that fully, understanding the nuances, and then moving on to the next. Withholding self-judgement for where I am at in the process, not comparing it with anything else, is very helpful, if not a mission-critical aspect of the process.

    Any sweeping movement or grand-shifts tend to be set backs, I have found, in the long run. Slow and simple, baby steps, allowing for each moment in the process, is the name of the game.

    Great work with this evolution of self understanding. I appreciated your depth of sharing and insight.

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    1. Jean Eisenhower Post author

      Hi Artemesia,

      I liked your blog, “Going Direct: Ditching Your Guides…,” which included these words: “It was not hard to let ‘my guides’ go in the slightest. And I can tell you my life VASTLY improved the moment I did. I could trust my own feelings without question or fear of some kind of disapproval, my intuition got even sharper, and I avoided some potentially nasty pitfalls…”

      This speaks to feelings I’ve secretly harbored for a long time, but didn’t want to voice until I had more certainty, especially when they could completely end a conversation.

      Now, I want to agree with you – with qualifications.

      While I was experiencing what I thought of as “a shamanic initiation,” I was never as trusting as some people seemed to be. I never said confidently that any particular animal or being was MY spirit guide – for good reasons.

      First, I was rarely clear about what they’d said, which I thought was probably due to my cautious half-trust toward them.

      And there seemed to be a lot of animals acting unnaturally around me: rattlesnakes, ravens, lizards, owls, and on and on. I didn’t have enough time to communicate with them all!

      Sometimes during this experimental era, something seemed to “channel” through me, such as a time I enthusiastically, almost urgently created an alter, which was followed immediately by an amazing vision. The vision and words I heard were confusing (“daughter of Isis”) and later were very disturbing (ancient history reports no daughter of Isis, but a sexy image of her was created by the Nazis) – yeah, disturbing!

      The next to the last chapter of my book (“Trickster Teachers”) tells another story of being “spiritually” guided with a series of confirmations to believe that a particular man was to be a sexual partner to me. It ended in humiliation – and a lesson to remember that every “spiritual” message is not necessarily good or true.

      On the other hand, I don’t believe that every spiritual communication is necessarily a misdirection. I just believe they might be, so we must be especially cautious. Learn to discern!

      My only “spiritual” practice these days is sitting and “going inside” (as you say, “relying on your own internal connections), though I usually call it “prayer” or “checking in with my Spirit Help” – which may just be my “Higher Self.”

      Yet, I don’t feel as entirely independent as you describe (“as a God,” for instance). I envision us all as individual sparks of Spirit, all emanations from God, but not God.

      And I believe that, as everything in nature is connected, so are we connected on the spiritual realms. But not everything is connected to everything directly; just as the leaf has a stem between it and the roots, so I envision other beings of a more advanced nature as mediators between my Higher Self and God, for instance.

      So, if I can distinguish those positive mediators from impostors on the spiritual realms, that seems clearly to my benefit.

      But I still feel like a babe here, and so I do not seek guidance from others; like you, I just go inside, intending for my body (senses, intuition, all) to be a channel for Good, assuming that negative energies will be repulsed and stay away. But I don’t think we are all alone in this.

      Healthy, mature ecosystems have a common quality: each life form provides support to and receives support from others. I think we’re trying to find our way into the larger cosmic ecosystem, and that means both finding our allies (support) and not becoming “food” (another sort of support) for predators.

      Sometimes I speak to “Jesus” because he seems to be the only spiritual being with whom I’ve connected, who truly protected me once (Chapter 14 of my book), at which time I felt I’d known him since the beginning of time, who emanated tremendous love and even a gentle sense of humor – and he came when I’d blurted out “Jesus” as an epithet! Apparently, he’s also forgiving.

      Essentially I ignored him after that until I was terrified again, and again he provided an amazing protection, leaving behind a sign that was pretty much miraculous in my book.

      Since then I’ve felt that I am in Jesus’ “cosmic tribe” (soul group, soul family, whatever). But that doesn’t mean that I feel comfortable praying to him regularly (especially when I usually hear no answer) or even saying the name Jesus – it reminds me of preachers and makes me feel a little sick.

      I’ve tried using some of his other names – Yeshua, Christ, Issa, Sananda, and Lord Maitraya (where I got that, I don’t know) – but even they feel too associated with fallible human religious thinking, so I gave them all up and usually meditate to simply connect with my Higher Self or cosmic family – without saying any particular name – but my connection to this being is always in mind – though I don’t pray specifically asking him for guidance – unless I’m terrified, and then I believe he answers, when needed.

      When I get no clear response, I assume I’m being urged to grow up and make decisions on my own.

      So, while you emphasize “going direct” to “Spirit,” I see later in your blog that you also acknowledge that we exist in a web of Life and Spirit, so I feel we’re on similar paths, talking about two aspects of the same thing.

      We do need to learn to re-connect our culturally-disabled intuition and be independent perceivers of the cosmos, without religious intermediaries; and we do need to be aware that there are spiritual predators and liars out there, waiting to latch on or play tricks on us; and we also have Wiser help, available to us, but which may often be trying to help, like a good parent, by not responding to our every request.

      I sometimes wonder if one day, it’ll be like the final scene in The Truman Show, when he risks his life, bashes his boat against the wall, and is welcomed into the “real reality” by … his “creator” (in a sense)! Actually, I hate that idea. I want to be welcomed in by my Spirit Help, who will say they’ve been watching and helping as much as they could, but I really did need to do it alone.

      I’d don’t slavishly ask and wait for help, and I don’t believe I know enough (like a God) to do it all on my own. But I’m willing to acknowledge my own perceptions and intuition, accept my power, develop and use it. Now and then, I’m grateful for Help when I intuit it’s true.

      And so… on we go.

      Blessings, All!

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  5. Jean Eisenhower Post author

    @ Khris (for some reason, there’s no reply button on your last post) :

    That is wonderful – and inspiring, I hope, for everyone, to try new things, to experiment, to learn to work with energy even if you’d never thought you could or were being led. Amazing things can and do happen!

    It is probably programming against learning this (natural, probably birthright information) that we need to work against.

    So, if we’re not consciously doing this on a regular basis, let’s all remember “energy work” as something they don’t want us to experiment with and learn – and then go for it with a vengeance!

    Thanks, Khris, for the reminder. (God, I need all the reminder help I can get.)

    Jean

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  6. balanceenergies

    hello Jean………even the word ‘prayer’ or ‘religion’ makes me want to gag….i talk to my ‘benevolent friends’ most nights….i can deal with that…i do not know what or who they are….i do know they are there…..have saved me a few times….and as Khris mentioned above–the cancellation thought seemed to keep coming up…it just gets a little too much …but, today is an upswing day………….and i too believe we will find our way…………………..love from cat

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    1. Jean Eisenhower Post author

      Thanks for reminding me about language. I try so hard to avoid words with so much baggage, but they’re the closest. I should just use the words “talk to my cosmic tribe.”

      I’m better about distinguishing carefully between religion and spirituality. I can’t walk into churches or even talk about going.

      Yeah, “opting out,” “moving on to the next life” are pretty common thoughts. And old friend, though, once said, “People don’t really live until they’ve considered the alternative seriously.” I’d say we’re choosing to live with more consciousness than most people. And we’re rewarded with upswing days.

      Love back to you! ~ Jean

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      1. balanceenergies

        Jean, i am a pretty tough older cookie………i can deal with whatever words people wish to use………..i figure it is up to me to deal with it…opting out…that is a good one…sorta like ‘buying the farm’ ‘cashing in the ticket’…or just plain old………>>>………..i want to go home….love from cat

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  7. clandestine rage revealed

    Hi Jean,

    I have been wanted to stop by lately and I’m finally here. I was abducted a week ago this last Sunday and I have been having some of the same issues. I have been angry at God and feeling disconnected. I also had termination thoughts recently. I know they did this to me when they took me. Now that I have figured it out as to why it’s happening, I can go to work correcting it.

    Interesting that your sexual functioning was repaired in the instant. Now if they can fix everything else, you’ll be doing great.

    We all love you and are here if you need us.

    Khris

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    1. Jean Eisenhower Post author

      Hi Khris, thanks for writing. I know you’re working hard at this, keeping the faith, reporting your truth….

      My sexual dysfunction was overcome in an instant – but I won’t call it “healed” because of more that followed later which I don’t need to describe. But just the fact that I could, for a short while, have my energy flow in a natural way was good – and instructive. We DO still have the potential for our birthright energies to flow – and that gives me courage.

      We’re exploring the energetic realms here, territories in which we’ve had no instruction. That we get confused, knocked down, etc, is not surprising. But with each others’ help and encouragement, I believe we’ll find our way.

      THANK YOU for being there ~
      Peace and love,
      Jean

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      1. clandestine rage revealed

        Hi again Jean,

        About five months ago, I used Reiki to attempt to heal some the root chakra area where they installed the cube. I was able to get the energies to go up my spine and into my brain. It pushed me out of my body, but it was an amazing experience. That was probably the first time my endocrine system functioned like it should in my entire life. We can improve, but it had to be in increments.

        Khris

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        1. Jean Eisenhower Post author

          Hi Khris,

          Last night I thought of you and this experience you describe, of moving a “cube” (energetic, I assume) out of your body, when my partner was reading a book to me by Ralph Metzner. The book, The Roots of War and Domination recounts Gurdjieff’s long story based on Sumerian writings – about “an accursed organ,” called in German the kundabuffer. (Buffering, blocking the kundalini, I presume – ?) This organ at the base of the spine, according to the story, had been added to humans by ET scientists, but was then removed because it had blocked the development of “objective consciousness” and allowed humans to be easily controlled. Unfortunately, according to the story, the operation of the organ had become “crystallized” and passed on genetically through the generations, explaining our species’ propensity for control and violence.

          Your description of a cube installed at the base of your spine made me wonder: Could it be the remnant “crystallized operation” of the organ that we all have? or a reinforcement of the crystallized remnant? Or a new one? In any case, I’m happy to hear about it being removed! Maybe we should all work with that.

          You can read more about Ralph Metzner here: http://www.greenearthfound.org/ralph_metzner.html , or read a short excerpt from his Foreword to my book here: http://rattlesnakefire.net/excerpts3.html . Ralph has PhD’s in philosophy and clinical psychology from Oxford and Harvard, has studied consciousness since his Harvard friendship with Tim Leary and Richard Alpert, was Academic Dean at the California Institute for Integral Studies for ten years, and writes regularly about consciousness, healing, extra-dimensional/extra-terrestrial beings, and the evil of dark government projects. It was he who prodded me to write my book.

          It felt very serendipitous for my partner to pick up this book last night (which I began but never finished) and begin reading about the kundabuffer!

          May we all move energy today! Blessings!

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  8. Krystal

    I’ve got the opposite problem. I was programmed to be highly spiritual and pray constantly. Now that I’ve been decomissioned, I’m an atheist. The thought of prayer is repelling.
    You are very open about the sexual aspects to the programming. I was not used for that purpose but they did…do things of that nature simply to program obediance into me and keep my mind in various dissociative states. I only have glimpses of memories of that area.
    For the record I think you are doing an amazing job of looking at all the details you can muster.

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    1. Jean Eisenhower Post author

      Thanks, Krystal!
      I really appreciate your openness about your atheism. I was an atheist for two decades, but then had experiences I believe (and it’s up to each of us to decide what we believe) indicate I do have spiritual help. Of course, any of us MK subjects can be “given experiences” we might wrongly believe are perceived as “spiritual” and thereby “true” (not a logical corollary, as spiritual can be of any nature) – and so I may weaken my own argument here. And our desire for Help can also complicate our judgment. So, I’ve checked myself again and again, and this is where I land.
      As for my sexual openness, it is probably just getting older. (I’m almost 60, even though I look much younger – part of being a multiple, according to Dr. Wilbur, Sybil’s psychiatrist).
      Another empowering aspect is my anger: I’m sure they didn’t think anyone would post a photo of the cuts inside – if they found them, so I did.
      Thanks again for writing!

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      1. Krystal

        You know, after reading this entry, and knowing that spirituality was a huge part of what they needed me to be in order to do the things I did….I’m wondering if they took it away purposely so I would no longer be able to function in that capacity. Cause problems. It’s very confusing. I miss being spiritual, but for the life of me can’t…go there. They scarred my temporal lobe to make me hyper spiritual…then did something else to take it away. I’m not sure what the “truth” is now. Is it all in the brain ? Does a spiritual realm exist ? Both ?
        Yes I look young for my age too. I’m almost 48 and can pass for 35 and younger if I put my mind to it. It’s funny, I am very ok with getting old. It’s just happening more slowly than with most.

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        1. Jean Eisenhower Post author

          I don’t know what to say in answer to your feeling that they took your capacity for spiritual perception away from you. (Sorta like some of us feel they took other capacities away, such as natural sexual response?)

          I just wrote a long response to Artemesia that might touch on this a bit – specifically that I experience a very muted form of spiritual practice now – no Woo Woo stuff anymore; back to the still, quiet knowing, assuming this is what I’m to work with and maybe will increase. But not wanting to get sucked into spirit games or MK fraud, which are certainly out there.

          Does anyone else have a response for Krystal? I believe this is an incredibly important issue for many.

          Blessings, Krystal.

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          Reply

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