In my last blog I talked about my controllers and my handler. 

Controllers are the ones assigned to handle my case, from the top down to the closest functionary, whom I call my handler.  I think I’ve always been in relationship with a handler, either the kind that knows he’s employed to do this work, or the kind that is mind controlled similar to me, programmed to keep me emotionally stable, supported in my life so I don’t do anything drastic like move, and make me accessible when they want me.

At it’s nicest, having a handler keeps me steady, sane, happier, even financially supported – though just enough to keep me calm, but barely enough to keep my basic needs met.

I’ve theorized that I probably need a handler, having had one all of my life.  So I don’t resent him; and I recognize he has a very difficult job.  Imagine trying to rein me in, make me shut up.  That would not be easy.  At least not for long.

Tonight, when I read my last blog to him, I had to admit afterwards that I hadn’t thought about him when I hit Send.  I apologized.

And I told him about this next essay – that I think the idea to test mind control of humans might have seemed doable, efficient, highly productive for the advancement of culture, and definitely worth an experiment – and I can even imagine writing a script for a film about this group of cosmic scientists who think it’s important to test out this theory – and others, like whether any non-amnesic pain would be offset by benefits like high functioning they’d also theorized they could produce.

(Many multiples have at least one alter who operates at genius level.)

I imagine a scene in which a woman scientist asks how dependable the amnesia would be, and then offers herself – from another dimension – to come to Earth for a lifetime to be the guinea pig – so strongly does she believe her theories. 

And I’m that woman, saying, …

…I was ready to type “No, it’s not worth the suffering,” but my fingers wouldn’t let me.

I don’t know how easy it is to live “not me.”  When I look at the masses of Americans, I am glad I’m not so easily hypnotized by the entertainment and false “news,” and I assume my genius alter helps me see enough to make the difference.  And I wonder if I should instead be grateful for my having been made this way.

But there’s any number of objections to explore in that theorizing, so I’ll leave the question unanswered, which means I can’t decide, now that I’ve finally reached a bit of peace about my situation, whether I’d denounce mind control entirely or not.  And these words shock me as I write them.

I don’t want to give the impression that this is an apologea – absolutely not.

My point:  I can understand if someone thought the idea of human mind control has some reasonableness to it.  So I can’t blame anyone. 

All I can do is report back and let them know the responses of their test subject:  it’s too harsh.

My “old self” has often hated this stuff, thought of it as purely evil, the worst of humanity, a work of Satan, the work of the Archons of gnostic history, American free enterprise gone psychopathic…etc.

Now I see it as just like the majority of humans:  the rulers, scientists, doctors, ranchers, farmers, and all the people who didn’t object to their tortures.  Commonplace unconsciousness creating great cruelty – now turned back on us.

And we should have seen it coming as the obvious result of the crazy theory presented as Capitalism.  Now we see.

Everything I’ve experienced may feel outrageous and unreal but is done every day to plants and animals I’ve owned, known, or heard of.  Horrific treatment – from the point of view of the organism (even my chickens – caged – and my garden plants – pruned of their limbs) – is totally commonplace, as if our collective lack of consciousness for the rights of plants and animals had been projected in a cosmic mirror up to the level above us, and is now raining down karma to fall on some of our heads.

I don’t recall any past lives where I’ve done anything similar, so it has always felt random and “unfair” that this happened to me.  So now it’s interesting to contemplate the opposite, radically outrageous scenario – such as I, a rash cosmic scientist, might have volunteered for this lifetime to prove my belief that MK would have more benefits than downsides – just an interesting exercise in trying to see another perspective.

It feels reasonable, like something people could easily consider and debate, which might end up being a science experiment on Earth.

If I didn’t volunteer, then I was chosen.  And I’ve provided the information they sought:  I’ve hated it and sought death more times than I can count, and I’ve let them know, so hopefully they will adjust some parameters around trauma induction in the future.

I think it has also created the intelligence they sought: by making me multiple, I can integrate a dozen perspectives and arrive at genius conclusions – if alone and not expected to socialize at the same time.  I never had perfect synthesizing skills, of course, and lately I seem to be sabotaging myself – perhaps under command.  Don’t know.

MK also creates facilitates psychic skills, so it’s not entirely a bad thing, I have to say.  And the aspects of it that feel evil could be just unintended consequences, for which the scientists are very sorry and doing their best to compensate.  But they have limitations, and they’re doing all they can for me.  Or so my creative theory-working concludes.  (Sounds like a fairy tale.)

But it’s as good a theory as any.  More pleasant to contemplate than the scary one that so often presents.

All to say:  I don’t blame anyone.

We’re all in this together.  I pray.