Three parts:

1)  Programming to Ignore Prayer?

2)  Sexual Healing in Progress?

3)  MK Acquaintance with Weird Story Involving Me

1) Ignoring Prayer?

I often wonder, “Is it just me (resistant to prayer and meditation), or am I struggling against programming to avoid prayer?

I assume it must be programming, because I know through experience that checking in with my Spiritual Family is very good for me.

(I broke through my last two weeks of intense struggle and pain, culminating in suicidal despair, when finally I seriously prayed.)

But afterward I had to ask:  Why do I, so often, have to get to the brink of death before I do?

Ever since I’ve known about mind control, I’ve accepted that programming is done on many levels, including the mundane, including interference with the simple desire to have a daily habit of prayer, meditation, or spiritually “checking in.”  I experience this negative program working in me often.

A voice says something like this:  “You’re already connected to your spiritual help.  They already know what you need, and sitting down for a ritual blah, blah, blah only implies that they won’t be in touch unless you go through some silly ritual.  You’re slowing your progress to act so much like a kindergartener.  Besides, nothing happens when you do.”  And other assorted untruths and half-truths.

I imagine some folks might have a program to keep them from even considering such a “stupid” thing – people who understand this is a multi-dimensional cosmos, highly populated, and yet can’t believe that some of the beings might actually be potential allies.

(If you’re one of them, please consider that the same way that aliens have been made to seem silly with cartoons, so have spiritual allies been presented with diminishing cartoon images, such as angels or “Jesus,” who has great power for me.)

What do we do about our programmed resistance?

First, I have to remember the full truth – why it is good and important to check in daily and connect with my Spiritual Allies:

– I can sense my body’s energy field and sometimes sense something out of kilter and talk to my Help about it.  The awareness alone is incredibly important, and connection to spiritual help equally so.

– I can practice energy-clearing skills.

– I can think about the highest priorities for my day and make my commitments to them.

– I can look beyond the day to my larger healing work (and other purposes for being here) and ask for guidance about how to progress.

– I feel centered, directed, and supported.

This is my experience yet again today.  Thank Goodness!

With so much at stake, though, it blows my mind that any idea can ever talk me out of it – but it does sometimes, and for weeks at a time.

I’ve prayed often for help with the resistant voice, and now I’m praying for that again.

I’ve also created a new journal, in which I’ll log my meditation/prayer experiences daily – so I can’t “forget.”

2)  Probable MK Acquaintance with Weird Story about Me

Last week, a local acquaintance, reader of this blog, and probably an MK subject, said he was beginning to remember an amnesic event a year ago that involved me, and he thought I’d want to know.

By way of protection, I had him visit with my partner present, and we videotaped the conversation with two cameras (good thing too, as one quit in the middle).

The man’s story culminated in something called an “Alien Love Bite” – as he recalls alien beings creating a one-way, heart-to-heart bond between us, which has tormented him all year, as I am not drawn to the relationship.

It was a very weird thing to hear, with many possible interpretations, any number of which could draw me in to the drama.

I chose not to be drawn in, while sympathizing with his plight and all of our isolation.  I told him that it was his spiritual work to “cut the cord” that he believes the aliens used to tie him to me, that it was not my work, though I also did a cord-cutting ceremony, just to be sure.

I didn’t mean to sound callous, but we each need to protect ourselves.  And even though isolation is sometimes terribly painful (I know), it is also possible to learn a great deal alone – sometimes more alone than with others.

3) Sexual Healing?

I had an interesting sexual experience last night, that I feel is a step toward healing.

It began by my recognizing that I’d had the first “un-shattered” orgasm that I could remember in many, many years.

Those who’ve read enough on this site know that I was ritually cut three times in my g-spot, one back to front, the other two side-to-side, cutting my g-spot into six squarish nodes.

This causes my orgasms to be, usually, fragmented.  Energy gets stuck, it seems, in dead-ends.  Enough said.

Yesterday, an acquaintance (probably MK’d also) made reference to prostitutes in Las Vegas hotels performing privately for clients.  While having sex last night, I had an image of that scenario come to mind, and I mused for a moment (hardly sad anymore, just “what it is”) on the fact that I believe I was mind controlled to be used for something similar and probably was for much of my youth.

With this performing-for-others scenario in my mind for just a short while, I was surprised to have my first “natural-feeling” orgasm in many years – and thought that that was exactly the opposite of what I “should” have experienced.

Instantly, though, I had another memory:  a suspicion I’ve had for years that I fell out of favor at some point, which was the reason I was sexually punished by either the cutting I received and/or a hypnotic command that “I would never experience a good, natural orgasm again in my life, except for ‘their’ pleasure.”

This old suspicion felt immediately validated.

This was not a welcome realization by any means, but any awareness feels useful and a step toward healing, so I accept it.

I am fascinated that this unfractured orgasm happened while imagining myself young, presumably without cuts, but with my cuts existing “in reality.”  But it’s not strange when we consider that our energetic bodies may remain uncut, which I believe they do.

And this reminds me of another related experience:  Years ago, in bed before sleeping, at a time I was mourning my wounds, I heard a kind voice suggest I “touch my wounds.”  At first I took it metaphorically and just thought about them.  But the voice suggested I touch them literally.

So I did.  I reached inside and held my finger in the deepest cut, which often brings up feelings of pain and revulsion and just held my finger there while I cried for a while.

Suddenly, my finger was not in a cut, but on a spherical organ, tightly-ribbed as a g-spot normally is.  I lightly stroked my finger back and forth in amazement.  My g-spot was a tight round thing, ribbed for the first time I’d ever experienced it (too prudish in younger days), and I gasped at the realization that it had been recreated, right there and then.  It was a miracle.

Then I said, “I don’t believe it!” and my finger dropped back into the cut, and the ribbed organ disappeared.

I am so sorry I said those doubting words, as I really did – for those moments – know that I’d been healed.  But I’d lost the healing by doubting.

Still, I believe in healing.  Perhaps this exemplifies our need for witnesses in our lives to support us and say, “Yes, I experienced it too!”  Or maybe it was only meant to be temporary for some reason.

In any case, I do believe in healing, and want to encourage others to believe too, even though mine didn’t stay.  It still changed me.  I believe I can experience healing again and am in the midst of some sort of healing now.  Sometimes it just may require time, and a few steps, with our faithful participation along the way.

And sometimes healing doesn’t show (or can’t be felt) in the physical, but is there on the energetic plane – as my body seems to have been whole last night with that imagination of my youthful body, even though I was being used by others.

I’m not sure the entire meaning of the experiences I had last night, except that I know I’m becoming more aware of my programming, the torture I’ve been dealt, and the possibilities for more healing.

Everyone, keep the faith.  Keep track of your mental patterns.  Be creative in finding “work arounds.”  Believe in healing.  I believe we’ll make it.